Gone And Surviving

Author: Nicollette Marquis McFadgen

Summery: Sequel to Anya's "Gone". Willow/Angel in Europe. Willow's a vamp.

Rating: I'm going to go with R. There is some adult like content, but it's no where near NC-17, at least not the NC-17 I'm capable of writing.

Content: WARNING!! (This is for Lex and Tam) Great gobs of gooey Willow/Angel lay ahead! Feedback: I enjoy it, I love it, I want it...So please! For the love of all things "Buffy" send me some!

Distrubtion: Whoever is insane enough to want it, just ask me first!

Disclaimer: None of these guys are mine. The characters belong to the AMAZING Mr. Joss Whedon, and we should all bow down and thank him.

Note: This is a sequel to Anya's "Gone". Also there is a scene that is very similar to one that is in Jia-L's fic "Gone...But Not Forgotten". I read that story and was completely amazed at the mental image the author gave of Willow in a white flowing gown picking flowers at night. Please go read this fic because it's really good! You can find it at the Slayer's Fanfic Archive or on The Place Where Forbidden Love Dwells. I was intrigued by the idea of the gang tracking Willow and Angel down. In "G...BNF", Willow is happy to see them. While I was reading that part, I thought, wouldn't it be neat if she wasn't happy to see them? Thus, this fic was born. I give all credit for the mental image and for the inspiration to Jai-L. As always, thanks to Laure, Queen Goddess on High. ALSO: This is set somewhere in the beginning of second season. This is important because of my theories about the Rom. (Jenny is just a witch teacher, get it?)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Angel sat alone on the black leather couch in the dimly lit room. Willow was asleep upstairs in one of the many bedrooms of the mansion they inhabited. It had been three months since Willow was turned. She still had not yet completely accepted the truth about her future. The two vampires with souls had not had any luck in locating the Rom. They had searched high and low in every country in Europe to find the people who had cursed Angel so long ago. The journey had taken its toll on Willow. The young red head may have been a vampire, but she was still susceptible to fatigue. It was then that Angel had made the decision to acquire permanent accommodations.

They had settled in Germany, a little town south of Cologne along the Rhine River. Angel spoke German fluently and Willow was a quick learner. He had picked the mansion because it would be easy to seal the sun out, and also because he thought the atmosphere would be good for Willow, who had become quite melancholy and sullen.

Willow's sadness tore Angel's heart out. He could not bear to see her that way. Angel had, in fact, fallen in love with the hybrid vampire. Although he desperately wanted to find the Rom in hopes of returning her to human, he secretly could not help being happy at the prospect of having her to love for eternity. Angel knew in his heart that Willow too had fallen in love with him, but that the hurt and heartache of her new life superceded that love.

Sitting alone in that room, surrounded by old portraits of former occupants, Angel thought about the best way to let Willow know the thing that would break her heart. The night before, he had received a letter from a man in Budapest, with whom he had been corresponding to gather information on the possible whereabouts of the Rom. In the letter the man had confirmed Angel's suspicions, the Rom had been wiped out during World War II. There was no chance of finding them. Angel and Willow's search had come to a close.

When he heard a cry from upstairs, Angel jumped to his feet. Within a minute, he was at Willow's side. She was sitting up with her knees tucked under her chin and her arms wrapped around her legs. She sat rocking back and forth with tears streaming down her cheeks.

Sitting down next to her on the bed, Angel enveloped her with his strong arms. "Another nightmare?" She nodded her head as she continued to cry. "What was this one about?" He asked soothingly.

Willow answered in a small frightened voice, "Colin...Buffy..." She gasped as she trembled. "But Buffy wasn't Buffy, she was me, and he killed her. I don't know, I can't really remember too clearly."

"It's okay, we don't have to talk about it. I'm right here, so you don't have to be afraid." She relaxed in his embrace as her tears slowed. Several minutes of silence passed.

"Angel?"

"Yes?"

"You're keeping something from me. What is it?"

"It's nothing, we can discuss it after you get some sleep." Angel was amazed at her intuitiveness.

"No, let's discuss it now. It's not like you to keep things from me."

"Willow, I really think..."

"No, tell me, Angel."

"Well, I found out something that you're not going to like."

"About the Rom?"

"Yes. You see," Angel started, knowing that there was no easy way to say it. "The Rom, well, they don't exist anymore."

"What? How can a tribe or clan or whatever just not exist?" Willow struggled out of Angel's hold.

"Willow, calm down. You see, Hitler didn't only kill Jews. Thousands upon thousands of Gypsies were also exterminated. The Rom were herded up and send to death camps. Willow, I'm sorry."

Willow had begun to cry again. Angel pulled her body back into his embrace. "Willow, I...I love you and I want more than anything to give you what you want. We'll search the world for other sects, for other religions that may be able to help turn you back."

"No."

"What?"

"We won't find any help. I'll be like this forever." All the emotion drained was drained out of her voice.

"Do you want to go back to Sunnydale?"

Willow gave a sad little laugh and replied, "I can't go back. I'm a vampire, Angel. I'm no longer part of the Sunnydale Slayerettes."

"That's not true."

"Yes, it is. And even if it's not, I still can't go back. Xander, Buffy, Giles, I can't even think about them without crying. I can't be a part of them like before. I'd be a constant reminder to them that they've failed."

"You don't know that."

"And besides, I don't want to be around them. They'd be a constant reminder to me of how not human I am. I don't know how you did it, Angel, but I can't. I won't."

"Okay, okay, I understand. But I want you to know that I'll support you in whatever you want to do. I won't leave you." Angel placed a hand on Willow's cheek. "Willow, I love you. I want to be with you forever. I want..."

The red head struggled out of his grasp yet again. "Angel, you don't have to say that. Once I learn what I need to survive, I don't expect you to stay."

"What? Willow, I WANT to stay. Didn't you hear me? I love you."

"Yeah, I heard you. What about your undying love of Buffy? I know you didn't want to leave her. I know you only came with me out of a sense of duty. You know, rather than learn to survive," she moved off the bed, "I might as well just cease to exist." While Angel's mind mulled over what was just said, Willow took off, out of the room and down the stairs. Angel realized that she was probably headed out the door and into the deadly sunlight. He bolted up and ran as fast as he could.

A month ago, he didn't have to worry about the sun's light hurting the newly turned vampire. Willow was able to move in the sunlight without being burned. But things changed. One day she had gotten up before the sun went down while Angel was still asleep. She had neared a window that was not sealed from the sun with drapes. Knowing that the sun couldn't hurt her, she continued on. As the light hit her arm, she felt a burning sensation. She jumped out of the light before it could do any more damage. Angel awoke to her horrible screams. Being a hybrid vampire, Willow's scarred flesh healed amazingly fast, but it took more than a week.

Just as Willow opened the door to the outside, Angel's body slammed into it, thus slamming it shut. Angel recovered and jumped at Willow, who was frantically trying to open the door again. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into the middle of the foyer.

He shook her limp, yet somehow struggling body in anger. "Why? Dammit, Willow! I won't let you do that. I love you." He forced her head up, and kept it between his hands so that she'd have to look at him. "I love you, Willow. I won't let you hurt yourself! I love you. Dammit, why won't you respond to me when I say that?"

"You don't love me. You don't love me! You CAN'T love me. Who could love me?"

"I love you. I love you. I love you. Willow, I love you. I can't imagine being without you. I don't want to imagine being without you! I need you, Willow." Willow stilled as he confessed over and over his feelings for her.

"I...I love you too, Angel." She clutched at him and held on for all she was worth. "Can we, can we just stay here? Can we just stay in this house? I don't ever want to leave, Angel. I never want to go outside the gates. I don't want to be around anyone living. Just you. We could stay here, and you could go out and get the supplies and we'll just be here forever. Angel? I don't want to leave here. I don't want to see anyone living. I don't want to hear heartbeats, is that okay? Can we do that?"

"Shhh. We can do that. It's okay. We can do what ever you want. I'll bring you what ever you want, I promise. At sundown I'll go buy you a computer with all the trimmings," he smiled, "and we can live here together."

"Just me and you?"

Angel picked her up and began to climb the stairs. "Yes, just you and me. Now we've got four more hours until sunset, let's try to get some sleep." He looked down at the forever sixteen-year-old girl and saw that her eyes were already closed.

At sundown, Angel prepared to go out in search of bagged blood and computers. He waited until Willow had awakened and sat down next to her. "Willow, I need to go get supplies. I want to know that you'll be okay while I'm out. I don't want you to do anything stupid like try and stake yourself again."

Willow sighed deeply as she remembered holding a stake to her own chest and as she remembered trying to go out into the sunlight less than five hours ago. "Well, maybe I should just go with you then."

"I thought you didn't want to be around people."

"I don't, but I've got eternity to seclude myself. I might as well go out one last time."

Angel smiled as he bent down to kiss her cheek. "I love you." He paused to kiss her again. "Come on, get ready."

~~~~~

Two months went by with little change. Willow still refused to wholly accept her fate, although she resigned herself to it. Some small part of her still believed that one day she would magically become human again, that the past months were all some kind hallucination, that she was really just asleep in her bed back in Sunnydale. She wanted to believe that is was all some kind of Wizard of Oz thing.

Angle did not push her to accept this life. He knew that eventually she would, but in her own time. He continued to tell her everyday, at least ten times, that he loved her and would never leave her. He made good on his promise by bringing her everything that she wanted, whether it was software for her computer, books, or new clothes. He actually cherished buying her new clothes. He loved to pick out lovely dresses for her to wear. He adored the way she squealed when she really liked an outfit that he brought her.

As the months went by, Willow let go of her sorrow little by little and delighted in Angel's company. She thought about her former home in Sunnydale, her friends, and her family only when she could not help it. It hurt too much to remember the things of her past. Still, she couldn't help but wonder how they were doing.

Seven months after Willow had been changed by the Anointed One, she and Angel began to share a bed. That first night of passion had been almost too much for Willow. She had been a virgin when Colin changed her, so she had no experience in human lovemaking. Because she was a virgin, she was completely unprepared for vampire lovemaking. Angel was gentle, stopping when the pain was too much for her, teaching her the joys of sex and the sharing of blood.

When they were both close to climax, innately Willow knew that they would bite each other. Any fear that she had was washed away by the intensity of the pleasure she experienced. It was her first encounter with the satisfying feeling of sinking her elongated fangs into another being's body. Because she was a hybrid of sorts, her face did not contort into the visage of the demon, but her fangs came down, as they did when she fed.

~~~~~

A year had passed since Willow had changed. She and Angel had taken vows and pledged themselves to each other. It was not quite the white wedding Willow had planned as a child, but nothing turned out the way she had planned. The couple continued to live in the mansion in utter seclusion to the outside world. Angel only went out to get blood or other supplies. He never returned home without a gift of some kind for his beloved.

One night, while cleaning out an old leather duffel bag, Angel found a piece of paper with an email address on it. He remembered that Giles had given him his school account address and told him that he would try to check daily. Giles had also given Angel his phone number and regular address just in case he and Willow ever needed any help, and also so that Angel could have a way to keep him updated on the situation if he felt the need.

Angel crossed the room to the computer and pulled up his private email account. He wanted to write to Giles and let him know that they were fine, but there would be no restoration of humanity for Willow. He also hoped to get a little information about Buffy, Xander, and Willow's parents. It would be a nice surprise for Willow. He could imagine the smile on his love's face when he told her news about her friends and family.

He began to compose the letter to the librarian.

Giles,

It's been a long time. I'm sorry I didn't write before, but things got a little crazy in the early months, and I just plain forgot in the later months. I hope this finds you well.

I just wanted to write to you and assure you that all is well with us. Well, maybe not all. The Rom are no longer around. We searched all over Europe, but found nothing. Later, we found out that they were exterminated during WWII. Willow took the news rather badly at first, but she is doing quite well now. She insists on staying within the mansion's gates. She wants nothing to do with outside world. Don't worry, she's not melancholy any more, and I feel that her staying within the gates is not a bad thing for her. This way, she does not have to deal with the feelings of longing to be human. Here, she is human, in the way that there isn't anyone to tell her differently or show her that she's wrong.

She misses Sunnydale and her friends, as do I. How is everyone? I hope that they've accepted everything. They didn't figure out what really happened did they? I long to see Buffy's face. I'd even like to see Xander and hear him call me "dead boy" once more. Are Willow's parents all right? I know that Willow often thinks about them and wonders if they are healthy and in good spirits.

In two weeks it is Willow's turning day. It will be one year since Colin turned her. I would like nothing more than to be able to tell her that Buffy has slain the Anointed One in a very painful way. Has she? I wish I could do it myself, but I fear leaving Willow alone. Please take care, of yourself as well as the others. Please try to respond as quickly as possible.

-Angel.

On Willow's turning day, Angel had still not received a reply from Giles. He figured that the librarian had stopped checking his messages so often. Angel was sitting on the couch, while his mate sat at his feet, brushing her hair. "Angel? You're keeping something from me again. What is it?"

"How do you do that?"

"Easy, you get really quiet when you're trying to hide something from me, or trying to keep something a secret. Spill, now."

"Well, since you insist..." He stood up and crossed the room. "It's a special day, one that I don't want you to be sad about, so I've bought you something. Well, actually, I bought you some things." He opened a little secret compartment in the wall and took out several boxes wrapped exquisitely in silver foil paper. He recrossed the room and sat down across from Willow on the floor. He passed her a box and waited expectantly for her to open it.

Grinning ear to ear, Willow tore off the paper and opened the box. Inside, a long satin emerald dress lay folded. "Oh, Angel, it's beautiful!"

"There's more, open the next box." He urged.

The next box held matching shoes, and a third box contained matching emerald earrings, necklace, and bracelet. Willow squealed with glee as she began to take off the rather plain clothes she was wearing. Angel just watched as she revealed her naked flesh to him, and sighed as she covered it up again, only this time with the green satin garment. She slipped into the shoes as Angel slipped the necklace around her neck. "Do you like it, precious?"

"Oh, Angel! Everything is wonderful! I just wish I could see myself in the mirror."

Angel grabbed a remote and pushed a button. As soft romantic music began to play, he bowed to his companion and asked properly, "May I have this dance?"

Willow placed her hand in his and curtseyed. "Why, yes, kind sir, I do believe that I have this particular dance free."

Angel swirled and swayed her to the music, then waltzed her outside onto the balcony where they danced for hours in the moonlight. At one point they all but stopped dancing. They just sort of stood there swaying back and forth. Angel placed his hands upon her shoulders and gently pushed the soft satin straps down. The dress fell beautifully down her body onto the ground. Angel bent his head and ran his tongue against her lips. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he lifted her up and carried her inside.

As they lay in their bed in a post coital lump, Willow traced circles on Angel's chest, while also running her tongue over the bite mark on his neck. "Mmm, Angel, I'm hungry. We haven't eaten."

"You're right. I'll be right back with dinner."

Angel returned with four pouches of blood and another box wrapped in the silver foil paper. "Angel! Another present?"

"I couldn't help it." He smiled. She reached out for the box, which he then put it out of her reach.

"First eat."

After they both had their fill, Willow reached again for the box. She bounced up and down with excitement. "Willow, you're acting like a six year old at Christmas!"

"I was Jewish, remember... Gimme, gimme!" He smiled and handed her the box. The paper came off within a second. "Oh, Angel, why are you so good to me?" Willow asked as she gazed down at the white cloth.

"You're my girl..."

"Okay, Forrest. Mama always said life was like a box of chocolate... Really, Angel this is lovely!" She held up the long, lace nightgown and robe. After examining them, she laid them down and leaned close to her lover for a long lingering kiss.

They slept all through the day, only waking up once to make love again. As usual, Angel was up before Willow. He always walked the halls of the house to make sure it was secure, and that it really was nightfall. It wouldn't do for Willow to wake up and walk out into the last bit of sunlight.

Willow woke and slipped the nightgown and robe over her body. She ran a hand over her neck and noticed that the bite mark that her lover had given her only several hours before was gone. She was still amazed at how quickly she healed as a vampire.

She found Angel out on the balcony picking up her discarded new dress. "Opps, I guess we forgot to clean up, huh?"

"It's okay. It didn't get hurt. You'll be able to wear it again." He looked up to notice that she was wearing the nightgown and his jaw dropped. "You look, you look, wow, Willow. You're beautiful."

"Thank you." She replied as she slipped into an embrace with her beloved. "I think I'm going to go pick flowers from the garden."

"I'll come with you then."

"No, first we'll eat, then I'd like to walk in the garden alone, if that's okay."

"Yes, but why do you want to be alone, precious?"

"It's been a year." She paused, wrinkling her brow. "I'd just like to be able to think about some stuff without actually discussing it. I mean the nightmares are gone, but I still feel scared."

"I understand," he said a little hurt.

"Angel, it's not that I don't want to talk with you about it. It's just that I'd like to try and sort through my thoughts before we do discuss them. Okay?" She raised her hand to his cheek and pulled his mouth close to hers.

"Okay." He replied as his mouth devoured hers.

After they had eaten, Willow went out into the garden while Angel watched her from the balcony. He remarked to himself how beautiful she looked in the moonlight with her flowing white gown swaying lightly with her every move. He thought about how lucky he was to have such a creature love him.

Angel was so entranced with watching the red headed girl that he failed to notice the headlights that had stopped by the gate about a mile away from the house.

Willow smiled lightly as she stooped down to smell a rose. She missed seeing things in the daylight, but she had gotten used to the moonlight. As she began to pick flowers she thought about the past year and what had transpired within that year. She was a little surprised to find that she was no longer angry and sad when she thought about it. She was fortunate to have Angel. He looked over her with unquestionable love and loyalty. He hadn't even made a fuss when she had said that she never wanted to leave this place. She had thought that he would object to her wanting solitude, but he hadn't. He accepted everything she wanted and gave fully to her.

Willow had just bent down to pick another flower when she heard a voice call out her name. She straightened. The smile faded from her lips. That voice, she knew that voice. Then another voice called out. They were coming from behind her, she was afraid to turn around.

Angel saw Willow straighten and freeze. He was too far away to hear her name being called, but he knew something wasn't right. He left his perch and began to make his way out to the garden.

"Willow?" A third voice called. Willow slowly turned around to face who ever was there. As she saw the figures, the flowers dropped from her hands. She saw Buffy, Xander, Cordelia, and Giles standing before her. Letting out a whimper, backed up a few feet.

"Willow, it's us. You know, your buds. What's wrong?" Xander asked as he moved forward with an outstretched arm. That was when Willow turned, ran back towards the house, and yelled out for Angel.

She slammed into Angel and they both fell to the ground. "What is it, Willow? What's wrong?" Willow could not answer, she just made a few vowel sounds and nodded in the direction she had run from.

"Okay," Angel started as he helped her up. "Stay behind me." They began walking. He could hear muffled voices and heartbeats. Humans. Willow clutched at his arm as they continued to walk.

When she finally found her voice, she tugged on his arm. "Angel, let's just go back to the house. Please?" She received no answer. Both she and Angel jumped when four figures emerged from the bushes. She felt Angel freeze.

"B-Buffy?" He managed to get out.

"Angel!" The blond slayer exclaimed as she ran to him. He returned her fierce embrace. He broke away from the hug when he felt Willow's hand leave his arm and heard her quick footsteps. He turned to stop her, but she was already far ahead of them.

"Come on, let's go." He said as he slowly walked back to the house. The four newcomers followed, all wondering what was wrong with Willow.

As they neared the house, Xander finally asked, "What's up with Willow? Why'd she run away?"

"She's, uh, just not used to people." He held the door open for the unexpected and uninvited guests. "The sitting room is through there," he pointed towards a short hallway. He glanced up at the stairs and saw a piece of white fabric sticking out from behind a wall. Willow was hiding, but not very well. As if she sensed that Angel knew where she was, the fabric disappeared and Angel heard soft footsteps as she retreated to her room.

In the sitting room Angel motioned for them all to sit. Everyone sat but Buffy, who was standing very close to Angel, too close for his comfort. He moved away, trying to act nonchalant about it. He turned to Giles, "What are you doing here? How'd you find us? Why didn't you reply to the email that I sent you? They know?" He motioned to the teenagers. "You told them? Are Willow's parents all right? Do they know the truth too?"

Giles looked a bit flustered to be faced with so many questions at once. "Um, well, you see, Buffy and Xander found Willow's diary. They figured everything out, but then came to me to, uh, fill, fill in the blanks. Willow's family believes that she is dead. They moved away from Sunnydale three months after" He took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I got the message from you and well, we had Ms. Calendar trace the origin of it. We wanted to see you. Buffy and Xander and I needed to know that you both were fine."

"Yes, well, I told you that we were fine in the email. Why did you come? Why did you come without warning?"

Xander spoke up and answered the questions, "We were going to reply to the letter, but I accidentally hit some 'special' button that made it all go away. It's my fault. And we needed to SEE that you and Willow were fine, not read it."

"Angel," Buffy was standing next to him again. She took his hand in hers and continued, "We needed to see you again. We needed to see Willow again." Angel stepped away from Buffy and pulled his hand back. Buffy's face displayed hurt and disappointment. "Why aren't you glad to see us? Why won't you hold my hand?"

Angel looked down at his feet. "I am glad to see you, all of you, but it's Willow, she doesn't want to be around people. Especially not you." He silently hoped that Buffy would not press the last question.

"Wait, why?" Cordelia asked. "I mean, we're her friends, well, at least they are."

"With no one around, she can control the demon. There is no one for her to hunt. And no one to remind her that she's not human."

"She, she doesn't want to see us?" Xander asked in a quiet voice.

Angel shook his head. "After we found out that the Rom were gone, I asked her if she wanted to go back to Sunnydale, and she said that she couldn't be around you guys because she was no longer part of the gang and would always be reminded of what she is." He put a hand on Xander's shoulder, "I'm sorry. She does care about you all, but I think that this is just too much for her. She's just finally gotten used to being what she is." After a long pause Angel sighed. "Well, I guess you're staying here for the night. We don't have any food in the house, but there is a small vegetable patch and orchard a couple yards from the house. I think there's some tea in the pantry, which is down the hall, to the right. If you'll excuse me, I've got to go talk to Willow now; maybe I can talk her into visiting with you. I'll fix up some rooms for you later." With that he exited the room.

"Well, so far this is fun." Cordelia commented dryly.

"Why is she here again?" Xander asked with annoyance.

"'Cause it's MY daddy's corporate jet that flew you here."

"Wow, Angel was acting weird, huh?" Buffy asked no one in particular.

"Well," Giles answered, "We haven't seen him in a year. I'm beginning to think that our surprise visit wasn't such a good idea after all."

Upstairs, Angel knocked gently on the door to Willow's room. Even though they shared a bed at night, they both had their own room. Angel's hand on the doorknob confirmed what he had expected. It was locked. He knocked again, this time using more force. "Willow. Please, let me in."

"Don't you have guests to entertain?" She asked through the door.

"Willow, I didn't know they were coming. Do you think if I knew that they were coming that I wouldn't tell you?" The door opened. Willow stood there with tear tracks on her cheeks.

"You wrote to them without telling me," she said accusingly.

"I wanted to surprise you with news about them. I just thought that you wanted to know how they were doing. Can I come in?" Willow made a sweeping gesture with her arm, allowing Angel in. "Don't you even want to talk to them? They've traveled all this way to see you."

"Well, they shouldn't have," she said sinking down onto her bed.

"Well, that is inconsequential. The fact is they are here now. And they want to speak to you." Angel climbed up on the bed next to her.

"Well, I don't feel like visiting right now. I'm tired and hungry."

"I'll get you some blood. Will you talk with them tomorrow?"

"Maybe. But I think that Buffy'll be more interested in talking to you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly what it does. It's okay, you know. You can be with her now that she's here. I understand. I was probably just a poor substitute for her anyway."

"Willow, what the hell are you talking about? I'm yours. You're the only one I want, and I'll explain that to Buffy."

"Just get me something to eat, please. I'll think about whether I want to see them tomorrow."

"Willow, just deal with it. They're here and you have to deal with it. Quit acting like you're a child. If you want something to eat, you know where the blood is." Angel got off the bed and headed for the door.

"I can hear their heartbeats." Angel stopped. "I can feel the demon struggling to gain control. It's telling me to let go and feed on their warm fresh blood." Her voice was devoid of all emotion.

"Oh Willow, I

"I'm not sure I'll be able to control it if I'm any closer to them. Angel, I'm hungry."

"I'll be right back with some blood. Just stay put, I'll be back."

Downstairs, Angel found the four visitors still in the sitting room, talking quietly. Cordelia was seated next to Xander, with Buffy and Giles pacing. Angel noticed how close Xander was sitting to Cordelia and wondered if there was a little something going on between them.

Buffy was first to notice that Angel had reappeared. She moved closer to the dark vampire, while he casually backed away from her. "How's Willow?" Giles asked, voice full of concern.

"She's hungry, I just came down to get her some

Xander looked up and finished his sentence. "Blood?"

"Yeah. Listen, she's not going to come down tonight. She might talk with you guys tomorrow, but I'm not promising anything. This is hitting her harder than I thought." Buffy moved closer to her former boyfriend. Feeling uncomfortable, but not able to move farther away from the blond girl, Angel continued, "Tomorrow you can go down to the village and pick of some supplies, uh, that is food for yourselves. You're welcome to stay here until you can get a flight back. All I ask is that you try to stay out of the way for now. I don't want Willow any more upset than she is."

"Do you think she'll talk to us?" Xander asked hopefully.

"I think she'll give in. When do you think you'll be able to arrange a flight home?"

Cordelia began to answer, "Well, actually my daddy" Xander quickly put a hand over her mouth, smiled, and continued to answer. "Her father let us use his jet to get here, it won't be back for at least a week or so."

"A week?" Angel sighed. "Well, I'll make up the rooms after I get her some blood." He turned to exit the room but, when Giles followed him, he stopped.

Giles placed a hand on Angel's arm and quietly spoke. "You've done well with taking care of her. I'm sorry if we've made things worse for you and for her. We'll try to stay out of the way." Angel just nodded and walked towards the kitchen.

Giles turned and regarded the three teenagers. "Well, I'm hungry, and it'll be a little while until he's got the rooms made up for us, so why don't we go out to the orchard?"

"Xander, why did you tell him that we couldn't leave for a week? Daddy's jet is just sitting at the airport."

"Cordy, if I had let you tell him that, we would've had to leave like tomorrow, and I want more time to talk to Willow."

After Angel had delivered the blood to Willow, explained how long their guests would be staying, assured her that it would be okay, and made up four rooms, he went out to the orchard. He wasn't happy about playing host, but it was obvious that Willow wasn't up to it and he couldn't just leave the four to themselves.

"Angel?" He turned to find Buffy standing behind him. "How are you doing? I've, uh, I've missed you."

"I've missed you too."

"We should talk," she said as she took his hand.

"Yeah." This time he did not take his hand back. "We should." He led her over to a stone bench where they sat down. Not knowing how to start the conversation, he nodded with his head towards Xander and Cordelia, who where sitting in the grass very close together. "What's up with them? Are they"

"Yep. Strange, I know. It just sort of happened. One day they were fighting, as usual, then the next thing I know, they were all over each other. Right there, in front of Giles and me. Talk about giving someone the wiggins."

Angel smiled at the thought, but it soon faded when he remembered Willow. "I think they should try and not do that while they're here. I mean, with Willow and all."

"Oh yeah, she's probably still in love with him. Is she still in love with him?"

"I, I don't think so, but we haven't really discussed her feelings for him lately."

"Angel? Do you love me?" Rather than give him an opportunity to answer, she quickly began to babble. "I mean, I'm still very much in love with you. And I think what you've done for Willow is great. I've almost completely forgiven you for leaving without saying goodbye. And you and Willow could come back to Sunnydale and we could be together again." She raised her hand to brush the side of his cheek.

Angel covered her hand with his and began, "Buffy, I"

Buffy wouldn't let him finish; she placed her lips over his. Angel couldn't help but kiss her back, but after thirty seconds of passionate kissing, he once again remembered Willow and pulled away. "Buffy, I can't. I love you, but I'm not in love with you. There's no other way to say this, but Willow and I are, well we're together." He silently waited for her response.

"Oh," was all she said as she got up and walked toward where Xander and Cordy were making out. Giles, who was standing behind Angel, cleared his throat. Angel acknowledged him and motioned for the librarian to sit down.

"Well, that didn't go well," Angel commented almost to himself.

"I don't think this is exactly the reunion that she had imagined."

"No, I guess not," Angel replied glumly.

"I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but, well, I did hear. You and Willow are, uh, together then?"

"Yes. It sort of just happened. I couldn't tell you how or when I fell in love with her, I just did."

"There is no need for you to explain anything to me, Angel. I had actually thought that it might happen. I, of course, hate what this is going to do or is doing to Buffy, but as Willow's friend and as yours, I accept it. You really have done an exceptional job at looking after her."

"I don't consider it a job. It's what I want to do." For the first time Angel turned to Giles and regarded him seriously. "The Anointed One. Has Buffy killed him yet?"

"Huh? Oh, yes, Colin. She fought him a while ago. It was fierce, but she won. He's dead. But then another vampire took his place. It seems to never end."

"I'm glad to hear that he's dead, for her sake," he said nodding up to a window on the second floor of the house. He was surprised to see Willow looking out over them. He wondered just how long she had been watching. "Well, your rooms are ready," he said as he stood up. "There are four of them on the right side of the hall on the second floor. The bathroom is straight down the hall, all the way at the end. I'm going to check on Willow again. We'll talk more tomorrow." He started to walk away, then turned to Giles once more, "Please tell Buffy that I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt her in any way."

Once again Angel found himself knocking on Willow's locked door.

"What do you want, Angel?"

"I want to talk to you, precious."

"Don't call me that."

"What's wrong now?"

"Don't ask me what's wrong, you know what's wrong," she growled through the door.

"Willow, I'm tired of this, let me in."

"No, you have your own room."

"I can break down this door, you know."

"Yeah, and I can, well, I can do something that'll make it hard for you to break it." She knew she had lost this battle. She slowly opened the door. "Happy?" Her voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"No." He slipped inside and closed the door. "Why are you so angry."

"Oh, I don't know, maybe because there are people here. And those people were once my best friends. And maybe because I'm a vampire and all I think of doing is slashing their throats and drinking their blood. And maybe because Xander is out there making out with Cordelia, which is completely disgusting, and you were out there kissing Buffy."

"Buffy kissed me."

"Yeah, and you were really trying to get away."

"Hey, I did end it, and so okay, I got a little caught up in it at first, give me a break."

"Fine," she said as she picked up a vase and threw it at the dark haired vampire.

"Hey! Quit that!" He managed to say as he dodged the vase. While Willow was looking for more ammunition, Angel came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her to the floor. She struggled, using all of her vampiric strength. She finally resorted to biting his hand. "Ow! Damn, that hurts! Willow, quit it!" He pulled his hand away from her mouth. She crawled away and licked her lips.

"Willow, someday you're going to have to grow up, you know."

Willow looked at her lover defiantly. "Yeah, well I've got all of eternity to grow up, I only had sixteen years to be a kid. Why don't you give me a break?" she returned with a snarl.

Angel let out an exasperated sigh. "Well, I'm all out of ideas. So you tell me what it is that you want, and we'll work from there."

"I want to go back to being able to walk outside during the day. I want to see what I look like. I want to have my mom wake me up for school each morning. I want to see my parents. I want to be human again. But it's not going to happen."

"Willow, I know that you want all that. And believe me, I am sorry that I can't give that to you. But I was actually asking about what you wanted to do in this present situation. I know that you're still young, and I'm not saying you have to grow up right now, but I need you to act mature. Do you think that I want them here? Everything was fine, you were accepting things more and more, we were getting on well, now, it's like it was right after you were first turned." Willow slowly crawled back over to Angel and picked up his still bleeding, but healing hand and held it to her lips. Her pink tongue flicked out over the wound she had caused. This elicited a moan from Angel as he closed his eyes.

"I'm sorry," she murmured as she began to suck at the lesion. She began to undo his pants and whispered, "Forgive me?"

Angel managed to choke out, "Willow, I don't think, oh that we should. Do this. With people here."

Willow turned her head from side to side, looking about the room. "I see no people here. Just you and me." She had succeeded in removing all of his clothes without him even realizing.

"Willow, I oh," he lost his concentration when he felt her hands on his painfully hard erection. Willow stood and removed the white nightgown and peered down at her lover. She began to lower herself onto him, when he found his voice again. "Willow, no. I don't think we should. We have company. They can hear."

Willow stood up again, looking more angry then hurt. "What you don't want BUFFY to hear? Afraid that if she hears, it'll mess up your chances with her?" she yelled. She went over to a large oak wardrobe and flung open the doors. She found a simple green dress and slipped it on. Looking down, she also found more ammunition.

Angel had just begun to get up and put his pants back on when a shoe came flying through the air, hitting him square in the head, thus knocking him back down to the floor. "Willow! Stop that!" Another shoe, this time with a high heel, hit him in the back. "Dammit, Willow, that hurt." A boot was next to hit him. "Now that's enough!" He yelled as he struggled to regain his footing.

Willow saw that he was coming towards her, so she grabbed another porcelain vase that was resting next to the wardrobe. "Don't come any closer," she yelled. "I'll throw it." He slowed down, but did not stop. He kept on towards her, calling her bluff. She backed away, along the wall, heading towards the door. She threw the vase at Angel, but he was prepared, he blocked the flying object with his arms. It landed on the floor with a loud crack.

~~~~~

Downstairs the quartet sat uneasily as they listened to the fight going on above. Fruit and vegetables were lying unwashed in the sink; the visitors too enthralled by the argument to do much but listen. At the sound of Willow's voice screaming, "Don't come any closer," Xander bolted from his chair, trying to make his way to his long lost best friend. Giles restrained him, adding, "It won't help. It's not your business to interfere"

"But Willow. She's, she could be hurt. Angel could be hurting her."

"No," Buffy spoke up. "He's not. Xander, she and Angel are well, she and Angel are, um, together." Her voice trailed off at the end.

"What? I know they're together, I mean they" Cordelia elbowed him in the ribs, and he finally clued in. "Oh. You mean they're TOGETHER together." He looked down at his feet, hurt. As a tear fell from his eye, he looked back up. "That doesn't mean that he's not hurting her."

Giles patted the boy on the shoulder. "Angel wouldn't hurt her, you know that Xander. I have a feeling that this," he motioned to the noise above them, "is caused by us."

Willow kicked and scratched and bit, trying to get away from Angel, who now held her in a frightfully tight grip. "Let me go!" She screamed at the top of her lungs.

"No, you'll just start throwing things again."

"Angel, let me go!" She began to struggle harder against his strong arms. They were sitting on the floor, Angel with both arms and legs wrapped tightly around the squirming girl.

"What are you going to do if I let you go?"

"I don't know, let me up and we'll find out."

"Nope. Wrong answer, precious."

"Don't call me that. In fact, don't call me that ever again." She was still yelling while she began to bite his hand again.

He pulled his hand roughly away. "You know, I'm not letting you go until you calm down. We can sit like this for hours. Pretty soon, you're going to be mighty embarrassed about the way you're acting."

"And how do you know that? Angel, you're not my father"

"I know that! But you're acting like a child, so I'm treating you like one, and if that means I have to act like your father, then so be it." Willow stilled within his grasp. She nuzzled back against Angel and closed her eyes.

"I'm sorry." She whispered as he began to rock her back and forth.

He used his non-bleeding hand to brush the hair from her face. "I know you are. It's okay, Willow, we will get through this."

"I know." She opened her eyes as he loosened his hold on her. "If I promise to talk to them tomorrow, will you let go of me?"

"Yes," he replied as he unwrapped himself from her. She scooted away from him and slowly stood up. She patted the dress down, as if getting herself together. She headed for the door. As her hand reached for the knob, Angel asked, "Where are you going?"

"For a walk." She opened the door.

"There's only about a half hour until sunrise." He said matter of factly.

Willow arched her eyebrow, "Really?" She took off running down the hall.

"Damn!" The tall vampire realized that he had just been played for a fool and that she was threatening to kill herself again. "I'm really getting tired of this," he said to himself as he took off after her.

Flying down the stairs, he ran into his guests. "Willow. Did she go outside?"

"Yes. What were you doing to her?" Xander angrily asked as he noticed Angel's appearance. He had no shirt on, his hair was ruffled, and his pants were undone.

"I wasn't doing anything to her. She's"

Giles interrupted, "Angel, there's not much time until daylight, why did she?" Angel answered the unfinished question with a glare. "Oh. Oh my! We must find her."

Without another word, the vampire, the Watcher, and the three teens went out in search of their friend. Unsurprisingly, Angel was the one to find her. With his heightened senses, she was easy to find. He found her struggling to open the outside gate.

"Willow, please, come back inside. It's going to be light out soon."

"Wow, ya think?" was all she said in reply.

Angel took her by the arms and began dragging her back to the house. "I'm tired of this Willow. You're not going to kill yourself." He paused to readjust his hold on the struggling, young vampire. "I'm tired of chasing after you, and I'm tired of you acting like this. Now you WILL talk to your friends tomorrow. I don't care if you don't want to, you're going to do it, even if I have to tie you up."

When they came within ten yards from the mansion, Angel picked Willow up and slung her over his shoulder. Walking past the humans, who had all made it back in time to see the struggle, Angel entered the house, climbed the stairs, and entered Willow's room. Her threw her down onto the bed. "There's not much else for you to throw at me. Don't make me restrain you. Now get some sleep."

Willow watched as Angel crossed the room and took a seat in a chaise lounge chair. "Angel?" He looked up. "I'm hungry again."

"You'll just have to wait until tomorrow. I'm not leaving you alone, and I don't figure you'd behave well enough to come downstairs with me."

"Why'd they have to come here?"

"Because they're your friends, and they love you and care about you." Angel could hear her silent sobs. He wanted to go and comfort her, but he knew he had to be strong and firm. He couldn't baby her any longer.

Once he was sure that she was asleep, Angel quietly slipped out of Willow's room. He set out about finding the others. He found them all in one of the bedrooms speaking very quietly about what they've seen so far. He knocked on the semi-open door then pushed it farther open.

"May I come in?"

"Of course," came Giles' reply. "How, uh, how is she?"

"She's sleeping. After sundown, she'll talk to you." He advanced farther into the room. "Listen, I'm sorry about all this. She's, she normally doesn't act like this."

"You mean she normally doesn't try to off herself?" Xander asked with tension oozing off of him.

"No, she hasn't since the night I told her that the Rom were extinct. She's been doing a lot better. I think it's just been a shock to see all of you again. And I, well, I'm at fault here too. I've babied her; I've kept the outside from coming in. Instead of teaching her how to control the demon, I've just withheld temptation." He turned to Giles, "Remember how we thought that because she didn't accept the blood, that it was forced into her, that the demon couldn't invade her body? Well, we were wrong. The demon's in there. It just hasn't had a real reason to come out. But now, with you here and so close to her," he turned away. "I thought I was helping her. That's why I agreed to let her stay here, and not have to go out."

Giles placed a hand on Angel's shoulder, "You've done well, Angel. You have nothing to feel badly about."

"Giles, Dead Boy here always has something to feel bad about. That's why he's Angst Boy," Xander commented.

Angel smiled at hearing Xander not only call him Dead Boy but also Angst Boy. "You know, Xander believe it or not, I've actually missed you calling me that."

Xander stood and smiled, "I know, I read the email." He crossed to where Angel was standing and held out his hand. "Thank you for taking care of her. And Giles is right, you've done a good job. Don't feel bad about that." Angel was genuinely moved by the boy's statement. He took Xander's hand in his and shook it.

"Well, as moving as this all is," Cordelia piped up, "I'm tired and everyone here looks like they could use their beauty sleep, so get out of my room."

"Your room?" Xander asked defiantly.

"Yeah, I already claimed it, Cheesehead."

"Cheesehead? You know, Cordy, your cute little names are beginning to sting."
 

Giles, Buffy and Angel all ignored the pseudo fight and left the room, mumbling their goodnights. Giles headed off to another room, leaving Angel to walk Buffy to a vacant room. When they reached it, he stopped outside the door.

"You can come in, you know, it's your house."

"It's best that I don't." When Buffy looked down to inspect her shoes, he nudged her chin up with his hand. "Buffy, I didn't do this to hurt you. I want you to be okay with this."

She looked up and smiled. "I know. I know you didn't want to hurt me. But it does. Hurt, that is. I'm okay. What matters the most is that Willow is okay. And once I know that, I may even be happy for the two of you. It's just that, I always imagined you and me playing house in a big mansion, not you and Willow. It's, it's hard, you know?"

"I know. I do care for you, Buffy. I always will." He placed a chaste kiss on her forehead.

She smiled up at him, "Goodnight Angel."

"Night, Buffy."

Angel slipped into Willow's room noiselessly. He changed into his silk pajama bottoms, and slid in next to her sleeping form on the bed. She rolled over to face him and said quietly, still sleeping, "Hold me, Angel." Wrapping his arms around the slight girl, he kissed her forehead and drifted off to sleep.

When sundown came, Angel did his usual walk about the house. Not surprisingly, the guests were still sleeping. Jet lag and last night's dramatics had most likely taken it's toll. He got some blood for Willow and himself and went back upstairs.

To wake the still sleeping vampire, Angel placed butterfly kisses all over Willow's face. Her eyes came fluttering open. She smiled, then remembered last night's events. Her smile faded. "Do I have to see them?"

"Yes, now get up. We can eat, then we'll go for our walk and discuss how well you're going to behave for the remainder of their visit."

"Yes, Daddy Angel," she said sarcastically as she slipped from the bed. She crossed the room and sat down at her vanity. She looked at the blank mirror. "Do you think I'll ever get used to not having a reflection?"

"In time," he answered, coming to stand behind her. He picked up the hairbrush and began to slowly sweep it against her auburn hair.

"What do you think they think of me?"

"I think they think that you're Willow. They're not here to judge you." Willow just sighed. "Oh, I forgot to tell you last night, but Giles told me that Buffy fought Colin. He's dead." Willow just made a "hmm" sound in response. "Doesn't that make you happy?"

"Sure."

"Are you going to mope and brood forever?"

"Maybe just for eighty or ninety years, like you did. So does Xander know about us?"

"I think so. Buffy or Giles probably told him. Are you still upset about him and Cordelia?" He asked as he finished brushing her hair.

"Yes."

"You, you still love him?"

"Of course I do. But that's not why I'm upset."

"Then why?"

"One, she's our childhood nemesis. I mean, we had the 'We Hate Cordelia Club' and everything. Why'd he have to go out and date her? Why not Buffy, or someone I like?"

"Maybe she's changed."

"Right. And I'm still mortal," she snorted. "Second, he supposedly came all this way to see me, and yet he sits here at our house making out with her. Isn't that the least bit rude?"

"Well first, I don't think he thought that you were spying on him from your window, and second, you wouldn't see him, so what was he supposed to do?"

"Moon and pine away for me."

"Willow, come on. He's your best friend. Be happy that he has someone."

Willow stood up and sent a glance towards the bags of blood that sat on the dresser near the door. "You hungry?" Angel asked.

Willow shrugged, "Not really."

"You're usually hungry when you wake up, and last night you said you were hungry, remember?"

"Well, I'm not hungry now. Let's just go out for our walk. Are they up yet?" she asked as she pulled off the green dress she was wearing and tugged on some jeans.
 
 

Angel and Willow returned from their walk to find the group had gone. They had left a note telling Angel and Willow that they had gone to the store and would be back shortly since the small family owned store would most likely be closing for the evening very soon.

Willow made a sound of disapproval. "What? You want your friends to starve?"

"No. I just want to get this whole visit thing over with. And now I have to wait. I don't want to wait."

"Aw, poor baby," Angel teased. "I know what we could do to make the waiting less annoying for you." He grabbed her tiny hips and pressed her against him. He began nibbling at her neck. When she didn't respond, he lifted his head and implored her with his eyes.

She did not respond to his unasked, but very clear question. She just walked across the room and sat on the couch. Angel followed her and kneeled at her feet. His hands found her legs and began rubbing them through the jeans. His hands tried to make their way to her inner thighs, but she wouldn't help. She kept her legs tightly closed.

"Willow"

"What, Angel?" she asked with impatience. He noticed her tone, got up and took a seat next her on the sofa. He let out a sigh of frustration.

He noticed that she was rubbing her temples with her eyes closed. "Vampires don't get headaches," he commented.

Her eyes opened and focused on him. "Well, in case you have had a lapse of consciousness, O Forgetful One, I'm not a normal vampire. Remember, I was taken against my will, tortured, sucked dry of blood, injected with vampire's blood. Any of this coming back to you? You know, in the beginning, I could walk around during the day without frying, it took a while for my reflection to fade away into oblivion, and I don't have a game face. I'm what you call a hybrid? Are you starting to recall?"

"Whatever, Willow."

"Don't get upset with me. You're the one who makes those dumb little comments about what does or doesn't happen to normal vampires."

"Fine."

"I'm just merely reminding you that what Colin did to me had never been done before, so your little rules of the undead don't exactly apply."

"Yeah, Willow, I know," Angel replied, a little more than annoyed. "I was there. I remember. I was the one who saved you, or did YOU forget that?"

"Oh, yeah, thanks for saving me. Thanks for helping me become the vamp that I am."

"What are you talking about?"

"At least if I had stayed with Colin, I could just be evil. I wouldn't have to pretend otherwise."

"Willow, you're not evil."

"Um, we're demons, Angel, okay? Look it up."

"I don't understand why you're being so damn rude to me. Haven't I been good to you?"

"Oh yeah, you've been great. You treat your toys really well. It must be nice to have someone to dress and take care of and have around when ever you're in need of a fuck."

"That's enough, Willow! I won't stand for"

"Ahem," Giles cleared his throat and the two vampires looked up. They had been so involved in fighting that they failed had to notice the four people standing, gawking with grocery bags in their hands.

"Oh, your back," Angel recovered. "We were just"

"Yeah, we heard what you were just," Buffy said as she stared at Willow. She hadn't ever seen Willow like that.

For her part, Willow just sat with her arms crossed over her chest looking at her lap.

Xander handed the bag that he was holding to Cordelia, who only protested for tradition's sake. He advanced farther into the room, walking slow and deliberate. "Hey, Wills. I was hoping that I'd get to see you today," he said carefully.

She looked up and gave him a tight-lipped smile. "Yeah, well here I am. Ready to visit." She drew her legs up under her. "Sit down, all of you. We can catch up." Angel tried to put his hand atop of hers, in show of approval and support, but she drew her hand quickly away.

Once the groceries were put quickly away and everyone had found a seat and settled in, Buffy began the conversation. "It's really great to see you, Willow." Willow just gave a small smile as if to show that she to was happy to see them.

"Yes, the library hasn't been the same without you," Giles added.

Xander spoke up, "Yeah and you should see my math grades, they are quite lacking without your help." Willow just nodded while she looked around the room at nothing particular.

"So, Willow. What's new with you?" Cordy asked, immediately wishing that she could take it back.

Willow drew a breath that she didn't really need. "Well, I'm a vampire. That's pretty new. Other than that, my life's been pretty boring, how about you?" Angel strategically cleared his throat. Willow continued, "So, Cordelia, how's the pep squad? Buffy, how's the slaying? Xander, how's your pursuit of personal happiness going? And Giles, how's that beautiful library doing?"

"A- actually slaying is going good," Buffy said when it was obvious that no one else knew how to respond. "I got rid of the Anointed One awhile back."

"So I heard. Congratulations."

"Um, thanks. So, uh, what's the vampire scene like around here?"

"Oh, just two that I know of." Willow looked down then back up as she decided to ask, "Has anyone seen my family? I mean, do you know if they're okay?"

Xander answered, "Oh, they're fine. Well, as good as they can be. They still think that you're dead."

"Well, they're not wrong."

"They moved," Xander continued, "to Washington State."

"My dad must've finally accepted that promotion," Willow said quietly.

"Yeah, they write to me every now and then. Apparently they're doing all right. Your mom wrote and told me that they're fostering children now to, you know, keep their minds off of you."

"Did I have a funeral?"

Buffy fielded this question. "Yes, it was, uh, well, I guess it was nice. They put tons of lilacs on your casket, since they were your favorite. There were so many people there. Even Principal Synder came. Your mom and dad got you this beautiful headstone. It has a bible verse on it. It's Joshua, chapter one, verse nine. I read it. It's nice. Your mom said that it was your favorite when you were a little girl. Anyway, your headstone is beautiful. It has an etching of a" She stopped as Willow got up and walked out of the room.

Angel stood up, said "Excuse me," and walked out of the room, following Willow. He found her outside, sitting on the same stone bench that he and Buffy had sat on the night before. She was sitting, facing away from the house, with her neck bent. He could see her silent tears flowing down her face.

When he sat down next to her, she straightened her neck, but did not look at him. "Angel, I'm dead. I'm, I, I've got a headstone and everything."

"Willow, you're not dead."

"Well, I should be."

"No, don't say that." Willow did not respond. After a considerable amount of silence Angel asked, "What's that bible verse?"

Willow sniffled. "Joshua 1:9. 'Have I not commanded thee? Be strong and of good courage; be thou not afraid, neither be thou dismayed; for the Lord thy God is with thee, withersoever you go.'"

"That's nice. Why was it your favorite?"

Willow gave a small chuckle, "'Cause I used to think that it was nice, you know, to think that no matter what happened, or where you were, that God was always with you."

"And you don't think that now?"

"No. Do you think God is with us? Us, the demons?" Angel opened his mouth to respond, but closed it again when she motioned him not to speak with her hand. "It was a rhetorical question." She sighed. "This is too much."

"I know," he sighed as he put her arm around her shoulder.

She shrugged it off. "You can tell them that I'll talk to them one on one. I'm not very comfortable in a group setting anymore. I'll just wait out here." Angel tried to touch her face with the backs of his fingers, but she moved her head away. With a sigh, he got up and walked slowly back to the house.

After a few moments, Willow sensed Xander behind her. "Sit down, we can talk." Xander sat down on the other side of the bench, not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable. "So you and Cordelia, huh?"

"How'd you know?"

"I saw you two out the window last night."

"But it was dark out."

"I'm a vampire. I've got good night vision."

"Oh. Will, she's really changed. Well, on the surface she's almost the same old Cordelia, but underneath, she's different. She helps Buffy, Giles, and me with the slaying stuff. I guess after the whole opening of the Hellmouth thing with the Master got her thinking. It really changed her."

"Well, I'm happy for you."

"Really?"

"Well, no, not really."

Xander gave a little snort. "Well, I'm happy for you and Angel. Okay, not really." Willow smiled a little. Xander continued, "Your parents gave me the letter. The one you wrote in case anything ever happened to you." He scooted a little closer to the small vampire. "God, Willow, I never, I can't believe I was so stupid. I mean you and I, we could've, I just, I was really just stupid. I'm so sorry, Willow. I must've made you hurt so many times, when all I ever did was talk about wanting Buffy, or this girl or that girl. Willow, I"

"Xander, it's okay. I forgave you then. Every time you hurt me, I forgave the moment after. I knew, I KNOW, that you couldn't help it. You couldn't see me for anything more than just Willow, your bud since preschool. I know that if you could do it differently, you would. Don't feel bad. I didn't write you that letter to make you feel bad." She looked down at Xander's hand which some how came to hold hers. "Friends since preschool," she repeated. "Remember when you got jealous because I helped Jesse with his mud pie before I helped you? To get even, you stole my Barbie. My favorite one too."

"Am I ever going to live that down?" Xander smiled.

Willow smiled back. "No. I cried all day in Jesse's arms."

"I remember, he was quite smitten with you during that time. He came up to me later after your mother had taken you home, demanding that I give him the doll. The problem was that I thrown it in the trash can, and when we went to get it, it wasn't in there anymore. Jesse was so mad. All I could do was cry. When I got home, I went straight to my room and got my entire life's savings. I made my mom take me to the toy store. My dad was a little worried when we got home and Mom told him I had bought a Barbie doll." He laughed.

"And the next day, you gave me the new one. And everything was okay. My mom was upset with you, you know. She came really close to calling your mom and telling her what a rotten son she had. I convinced her not too. I told her that it was just a doll, and that I had plenty more."

"You were always good at covering up for me. Remember when Jesse and decided that we were going to run away to Hollywood and marry those two actresses? I can't even remember who they were."

"Shannon Dougherty and Jennie Garth, of 90210 fame. You two wouldn't ever stop talking about them. I still can't believe that you two actually watched that show. I didn't even watch that show."

"No, you were too busy watching PBS. They were the only good things about that show. Besides, we were like 11 or something. Anyway, we had just packed our suitcases, and came over to say goodbye to you, when for some ungodly reason, Jesse's parents and my parents showed up at your house. So you snuck us up to your room, and hid us until our parents left. By then, we decided to put the trip off for another week. Why DID our parent's come over?"

"I think they were in charge of the PTA thing. I'm not sure. Remember when Jesse" she trailed off, looking at her lap.

"What is it, Willow?"

"I just realized, that your two best childhood friends were made into vampires." Fresh tears filled her eyes.

Xander let go of her hand, and draped his arm around her, pulling her close. "I know. I've thought about that a lot. Strange how things worked out, huh? We never thought that this would happen when we used to talk about our future. We used to talk about how Jesse was going to be the starting pitcher for the Dodgers. How you were going to find the cure for I don't know, death, and how I was going to go to Hollywood and marry some rich, pretty actress and eat bonbons all day."

"Well, at least one of us followed that plan. I've found the cure for death, personal death anyway, vampirism." She let out a small laugh that faded into soft sobs. Xander couldn't help it but let the tears fall too.

"Willow, it's so good just to hold you again." He kissed her forehead as she buried her face in his shoulder. Willow moved her head slightly, which brought her lips to his skin. She gave his neck a quick kiss. Her tears slowed as she began to lick at his pulse point. "Willow? What are you Oh, my, that feels really good. Willow, we" She began to suck at his skin. Willow closed her eyes as she felt her fangs elongate. She moaned against the boy's neck. Her stomach growled. She heard the sweet blood running through Xander's body. She could smell it beneath the skin. Her senses were in overload. She was overwhelmed by the desire to feed.

At the feeling of fangs piercing his neck, Xander called out Willow's name. "Willow, stop, stop, that hurts." He began to push her away. She began to drink.

Angel and the others, who had been watching from the window, ran outside when they saw Xander struggling against Willow. When Angel was near to them, he saw that she was indeed feeding off of Xander. He yelled, "Willow! Don't!"

At the sound of Angel's voice, Willow withdrew her head from Xander's neck. She looked from Angel to Xander. She saw the fear in Xander's eyes. She looked from his face, down to his neck. She jumped up when she saw the teeth marks that she had made. She put a hand to her mouth and felt blood, Xander's blood, dripping from her still elongated fangs. "Oh my God. I Oh Xander, I" She turned and ran through the orchard.

Angel and Buffy reached Xander. They both checked his neck and his vitals. Breathing, yes. Bitten, yes. Coherent, sort of. "Are you okay?" The two asked in unison.

As Giles and Cordelia caught up Xander replied, "Willow. Bite. Head hurts. Don't know. We were just. Talking."

Angel and Giles looked in the direction that Willow ran. Giles asked, "Where do you think she ran off to?"

"There's a small forest over there beyond the gates. I have a feeling she went in there."

"Well, we have to go get her, Angel," Buffy stated the obvious. "What if she stays out there too long, and the sun comes up?"

"I'm not worried about the sun. There's lots of wood out there. Which could easily be made into stakes."

"Oh dear," was all that Giles managed to say.

The three turned back to where Cordelia was holding Xander. Xander looked up and answered their silent question. "Go. I'm fine." After they had turned around he added, "Buffy, don't hurt her. It's not her fault."

When the three had reached the forest, after climbing the high gate that surrounded the residence, Angel suggested that they split up to find her. So they went about separately calling out Willow's name and searching.

After a few minutes, Angel cursed. His senses weren't working, or at least they weren't working the way he wanted them to. All he could hear was the pumping of Buffy and Giles' hearts. He had to rely on his sight to find her.

Buffy wasn't faring any better. Her spider sense was out of whack and only focusing on where Angel was. She couldn't sense where Willow was. She continued calling out to her one time friend. As she wandered through the forest, she thought about Willow, as a vampire. Willow having bloodlusts. Willow biting her friends' necks. A chill went down the slayer's spine.

Giles had just rounded a large tree when he thought he saw a spark of red hair. It was dark, and he could not see very well. He called out Willow's name. He slowed his pace as he saw her. She was kneeling down in a pile of leaves, head bent, with a sharpened piece of a tree branch to her heart. Giles stopped. It was just as it was a year ago. Willow about to kill herself and him frozen in fear helplessly watching. Only this time, Angel wasn't near to run and stop her.

He shook himself out of his thoughts. It was up to him to stop her this time. His legs slowly began to move forward again. He gently called out her name. "Willow. Willow, don't."

She looked up at him, her face stained with tears. "Stop. There. Don't get any closer, Giles."

"Willow, please, let me help you."

"Xander, I was going to kill Xander."

"Xander's fine. It's not your fault."

"Not my fault? I bit him. I fed on him. I ENJOYED the taste of his blood."

Giles continued to creep forward. He tried to remember what he had read about preventing suicides. Keep them talking. "Willow, we all know that this has been hard for you. We know that. No one blames you. Xander's fine."

Willow just shook her head. The makeshift stake faltered a bit. Her head dipped lower as more tears found their way out. Giles took this opportunity to get next to her. Within a second he was kneeling next to her, grabbing the stake from her trembling hands.

He enveloped her with his arms. He slowly rocked her back and forth while trying to verbally assure her that it would be all right. She calmed in his embrace.

"Giles?" She looked up at him with her big round eyes.

"Hmm?"

"Did I ever tell you how attractive I find you?" she purred as she began to run her hands up and down his back.

"W-what?" He gasped as one of her hands abandoned its place on his back and found it's way between his legs. "W-willow!"

"Oh come on, Giles. I can tell you want this. You're so hard for me." She continued to rub his length, eliciting a moan from him. "Just relax." she cooed in his ear. He was helpless to stop it. He tried, but his body wouldn't respond. He just sat there, entirely at her will, while she sucked and nibbled on his earlobe.

She dropped her head lower and licked the base of his neck. Her fangs came down. She whispered, "Giles, I'm sorry, but I'm so hungry."

"Willow, STOP!" Angel screamed, having finally found his mate. "Don't do it, Willow. Fight it. You have to fight it."

Willow whimpered against the librarian's neck. The whimper turned into a growl, then back into a whimper. She forcefully shoved Giles' helplessly frozen, but still relaxed body away from her. She quickly crawled away from Angel, who had bent down to check on Giles. She felt around on the ground, trying to find the stake that Giles had tossed away.

When she found it, she had just enough time to place it above her heart, before Angel's hands came down on hers. She struggled against him. "Angel, please. Please just let me to this."

"No." He managed to get the piece of wood away from her. He snapped it in half, and threw both parts over his shoulder. Willow began to claw at him as the fury and rage seeped out of her.

"I hate you, Angel. I hate you! Just let me die. Please." She hit his face with her closed fist.

Angel grabbed both of her flailing arms and held them down. Putting a hand around her throat, he pushed the red-haired vampire to the ground. He climbed on top of her and straddled her stomach, pinning her arms at her sides. "Now stop!" he screamed directly in her face. She was still struggling, but since she had very little to eat, she couldn't unmount him. She gave up and stopped squirming under him. He took her face in his hands as he lowered his. His lips met hers. She was unresponsive. He kissed her closed eyes, one by one, then kissed her nose. He finally rested his lips on her forehead. "Don't you know that it would kill me if I lost you? I couldn't live. So if you want to kill yourself, know that you'd be killing me too. Willow, I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to have to worry everyday if you're going to try to kill yourself." He kissed her forehead gently. "I love you," he whispered. He climbed off her body as he said, "So if you want to kill yourself, go ahead. And when you feel that wood piercing into your heart, know that I love you and that I'll be following you shortly."

By this time, Buffy had heard them and was kneeling next to Giles. The Slayer and her watcher surveyed the scene before them, they watched as Willow sat up and looked at Angel, who was slumped over, looking incredibly tired. They watched as she crawled over to him and took him in her arms. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry," she kept repeating. The small blond and the tweed wearing man got up and slowly walked back towards the house, leaving the two vampires alone.

Kneeling in between his outstretched legs, Willow held Angel's head to her chest. "I've behaved so badly. I'm sorry, Angel. Forgive me? I wasn't thinking about you. I'm sorry." He moved his head to look at her. "I'm scared, Angel."

"I know, I'm scared too."

"I could've killed Xander. I wanted to kill Giles. I'm horrible."

"No, you're not. You're just learning what you are. You'll learn to control it."

"Do you hate me?"

"What do you think?" he asked as he placed a hand on her soft cheek.

"I'm sorry I've put you through this. I was only thinking about me." She closed her eyes. "Oh God! I just, I almost killed twice!"

"But you didn't."

"Did you see what I did to Giles? I'm so ashamed."

"I didn't see you actually do it. I saw the state you left him in; I can use my imagination. Willow." She opened her eyes to focus on him. "You should be ashamed, but I don't blame you. Believe me, I understand. There was a time when I would do anything, seduce anyone, for a kill. I'm not mad at you for what's happened. I'm concerned."

"What exactly are you concerned about?"

"Everything. I 'm concerned whether or not you're going to be able to control these urges in the future. I'm concerned over the fact that you've not told me that you love me since that night nine months ago. I'm concerned about the fact that I'm not sure I know how to help you. And I'm concerned about whether or not you're going to try and kill yourself again."

Willow leaned close and whispered in Angel's ear. "You can help me learn to control my demon. You've done it, so you can help me do it. I promise that I will never try to kill myself again. I won't leave you like that. I can't leave you like that." She placed a kiss right above his hairline. "I love you, Angel." She felt a tear drop on to her cheek. She realized that it was Angel's. "I love you. I'm sorry I've only told you that once. That was wrong of me. I love you."

~~~~~

They sat like that for close to an hour. Neither one saying much, until Angel got up and pulled Willow to her feet as well. "We should get back."

"I, I can't. I can't be around them. Not after I almost killed two of them."

"So what are you doing to do? Stay in this forest for a week?"

"I don't know. But how can I face them? How can I"

"They'll understand. Maybe they can catch and earlier flight home," he said as they began to head back.

"Then it'll just be me and you again. Things'll go back to the way they were."

"No, Willow, they won't. We can stay here alone for a little while longer, but then you have to go out into the world again. You're going to have to learn to control these bloodlusts."

"But if we just stay here"

"If we just stay here, the next time someone living is near you, it'll be even harder to stop before you kill. I was wrong to let you seclude yourself like this. I thought if I could keep temptation away from you, you'd never have to deal with it. But temptation found you, and you weren't prepared."

"But I don't want to be around the living. I want to just be with you."

"Willow, I already said no. It's not like I'm shoving you out into the world by yourself. I'll be with you. I'll help you through it. In a couple years, you'll be able to control your demon so well, you'll hardly remember a time when it controlled you."

They walked in silence back to the house. When they reached the orchard, Willow stopped. "I can't face them."

"Yes you can."

"No, no I can't. What am I going to say? Xander, I'm sorry for almost killing you by exanguination? Giles, I'm sorry I seduced you only to try and bite you?"

"Sounds good to me."

"Right."

"Willow, I'll try to see if they can't get a flight home, but you can't let them leave with things like this. They're still your friends." He took her hand and led her back to the house.

Once inside they saw Xander lying on the couch with his head pillowed on Cordelia's lap. Giles and Buffy were sitting in the overstuffed chairs. The group noticed the two vampires when they entered. Cordy helped Xander sit up.

Willow, who was half way hiding behind Angel's body and was studying the floor, spoke first. "I'm so sorry, all of you. I, oh, I don't know what came over me. Xander, you have to believe me when I say that I didn't mean to"

"Willow, I know. It's okay. I'm not really hurt."

"Giles, I understand if you don't ever forgive me. What I did was"

"What you did was wrong, but it's not really your fault. It wasn't you, and I know that."

"Why are you guys making this so easy for me?"

Buffy answered, "Because you're our friend, Willow."

The silence that enveloped the room faded when Angel began, "I think, in light of the circumstances, it would be best if you could try to get a flight home as soon as possible."

"Yes, yes, we'll, we will call the plane."

"Yeah, Daddy's plane's at the airport now. We can leave in the morning," Cordelia explained.

"I thought you said that it wouldn't be back for a week?"

"Um, oh yeah, well, we lied."

"Well, okay." Angel dismissed it and continued, "We'll write to you all. We're going to stay here for a little while longer, then most likely travel around the world for a bit. Willow needs exposure to some things."

"Will we ever see you two again?" Buffy asked.

"I'm sure of it. Maybe in a couple years, when things settle down, we'll go back to America and call you for a visit. By then Willow will be accustomed to the life of a vampire that has a soul. It'll be safe for us to visit."

Willow, still hiding behind Angel, walked around him and stood, leaning back against him. He wrapped his arms protectively around her slim waist. "I'm sorry, I wish none of this happened. I wish I could give you all hugs goodbye, but I don't trust myself. We'll keep in touch," she said as she turned and walked out of the sitting room.

They heard her tiny footsteps go up the stairs, then to her room. Xander stood on shaky legs and approached Angel. "Is she going to be okay?"

"Yeah, she's going to be fine. She just needs time. She's still very young." Angel looked directly into Xander's eyes, "I meant what I said about visiting in a couple years."

"I know, but we'll all be so different then," Xander stated sadly.

"That's why we'll keep in touch. Just give her a few years. She'll be able to see you all then without biting."

~~~~~

A month had passed since the Slayer, her watcher, and Slayerettes had gone home. Willow had felt a tremendous amount of relief when it was just she and Angel again. Just when she thought that things were getting back to normal, Angel told her to pack up her stuff. She had been sitting on her bed reading a new book Angel had brought her. She looked up, with surprise and confusion written on her face.

"What?"

"You should get started packing. You can't take everything though. It seems I've gone a little bit overboard buying you things."

"Pack? Why? Where are we going?" She dropped her book as she stood up on the bed.

"I don't know. I was thinking Paris for a while, and then we could go to Madrid for a bit. What do you think about St. Petersburg?" he asked as he went about the room, getting things ready to be packed up.

"Paris? Madrid? St. Petersburg?"

"Oh, or maybe we could go to Tibet or Bangalore."

"Bangalore? India? Why do you want to go to India? And what the hell are you talking about?"

"I've never been to India. Or how about Sydney? Would you like to go to Australia?" He ignored her last question.

Fully annoyed and confused Willow screamed, "What are you talking about?" Angel stopped and regarded his red haired companion. "Why do I have to pack? Why are we leaving?"

Angel crossed to the bed and sat down. He reached up and took a hold of Willow's hands and gently pulled her back down on to the bed. He pulled her so that she was sitting on his lap. "Precious, you know why we have to pack. You know why we're leaving." He stoked her hair.

"No, I don't. We're doing fine here."

"You have things to learn. Things that you can't learn secluded in this big house."

"But," she started only to be interrupted by Angel.

"You've known since that night that we would only be staying for a little while longer."

Willow sighed, and gave into his embrace. "I know, I was just kinda hoping that you maybe would forget."

"I don't forget anything, precious."

"Hmmm. Except that I asked you not to call me that ever again."

Angel smiled. "No, I remember that. I'm just choosing to pretend that you didn't say it."

"So where are we going?"

"Where do you want to go?"

"How about Dublin?"

"Uh, well"

"Or London"

"Um, Willow, I'd prefer not to go to England or Ireland for a while. Too many memories for me."

"And?" she prompted after a small period of silence.

"And what?"

"There's something else. Something you're keeping from me."

"Would you stop doing that?"

"Doing what?"

"Knowing when I'm keeping things from you."

"No, now tell me."

"Well, there are two vampires, that I sired. I'd rather not be around them."

"How do you know that they are still there."

"I don't know, I would just rather go somewhere else."

"What were their names?"

"Drusilla and Spike. I'd rather not talk about this."

"You're going to have to tell me someday, you know. But it's okay, I'm not in that big of a hurry." She climbed off of Angel and lay down on her stomach, pillowing her chin on her folded hands. "Hmm. How about Greece? I've always wanted to go there."

"Greece," he repeated as he lay down on his back. "I like it. Warm weather, lots of things to see" He turned to face Willow. "Let's go." She smiled as he brushed her cheek with his hands. She slowly crept closer to him. Her lips only inches away from his.

"I love you," she whispered. Not waiting for his reply, she covered his lips with hers.

THE END

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