DISTRIBUTION: Fever of fate, The New Place, anyone else, please ask
SPOILERS: Enemies
RATING: R, a very, very R
CONTENT: Willow/Angel, Willow/Angelus, Angel/Angelus in a sick way, angst, minor mention of sex, character death
SUMMARY: A spell backfires, melding Angel's demon into Willow's body. Willow's POV
DISCLAIMER: Not mine. They belong to Joss. I just play in his sandbox.
NOTE: I was looking through the Labyrinth site when I came across an old challenge to write a story where Willow was Angel, and well, Angelus took that moment to decide he wanted me to write him into a story. So, now, you have this little monster of fic :). Enjoy!
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I cast the spell before I went to bed. I know the spell would exhaust me, so I did it when I could just fall immediately asleep. I didn't think....
I dreamt about you that night. Maybe that was what set it off. I dreamt that you and I...made love? It was nice; the happiest dream I'd ever had. Then the dream changed, a-and you bit me. I felt liquid fire burn through me, and I woke up screaming. I was still in charge of all my motor functions so when my mother came into my room asking what was wrong, I was able to answer truthfully. I told her I was fine, but she insisted that I be okay and went to get me a glass of water to calm my nerves.
While she was gone, It took complete control.
I know now that you weren't responsible for what happened, for Ms. Calendar or anything. It's not you, just as It wasn't me, but still....
Mom came back in just as It stretched my arms above my head and It languished in the feel of a new body. I heard It laugh in my head as she handed It a glass of water; It knocked the glass of water out of my mother's hand and grabbed her wrist.
I was powerless. When It had taken over, my soul had been pushed to the darkest corner of my mind and locked in a cage with silver bars. I watched as It grabbed my mother; I slammed my soul against the cage only to leap back as pain sliced through when I touched the bars. It's hands found my mother's neck in a parody of a loving touch. My mother tried to smile comfortingly and kiss my forehead, but the demon twisted my hands, snapping her neck.
I screamed wordlessly in my mind as It stood and walked through the house. My father wasn't home; thank the gods for conventions. I felt the demon's power surge through me as we walked through the night. I was still in my nightgown, but the demon didn't care. I knew immediately where we were going.
To you.
It wanted to watch you suffer. It wanted to taunt you then kill you. It kept telling me over and over everything it wanted to do to me, to my body. It was disgusting, but when It started telling me what it wanted to do to you, I had to stop it, but I couldn't.
How did you know what to do?
When we showed up at the mansion, you invited us in as if nothing was wrong. I could your all too human heartbeat in my ears, and I knew the demon could as well. It laughed at you, called you weak, and It ran my hands over my body in suggestive ways, groping, touching, and rubbing. I-I felt so...used even though my hands were the ones It was using. I noticed you were getting aroused.
I don't blame you. Really, I don't.
You grabbed my arm, only causing the demon to laugh harder at you. I could hear you growl at it as you grabbed the back of my head.
You kissed me.
Your hands fumbled at my nightgown, finally just tearing it off. Your own clothing followed suit. You took my on the floor with no lead up. It hurt...just a little. I could hear the demon in my head, snarling in outrage; that's what distract me from the pain.
It didn't think you'd actually do it.
It was over quickly. The demon was gone back into you, and I was left alone with the feel of my mother's imaginary blood on my hands.
I know what you did was to save me. I know it was the only way. I did my research after the fact.
I don't know what went wrong with the spell, but it did work. Your soul is permanent now. Think of it as my parting gift.
I'm sorry. I really am. You deal with this every day, but I can't. I killed my own mother, and yes, I do know that the demon was the one who actually did it, but I was there. I couldn't do anything....
I'm sorry, Angel. I'm sorry, but I'm not strong enough.
~~~~~~~~
"I'm sorry, Angel. I'm sorry, but I'm not strong enough." Angel's finger pressed the rewind button on his tape player. "I'm sorry, Angel." He rewound the tape again. "I'm sorry, Angel." His finger kept pressing the rewind button as he listened to Willow's last words to him on the tape that she'd left in his mailbox. "I'm sorry, Angel. I'm sorry but I'm not strong enough." With a scream of rage, he grabbed the radio and slammed it into the wall. Even as the stereo shattered, the words continued to play in Angel's mind.
<Not strong enough.>
He screamed his pain and anger as grabbed an expensive vase and threw it against the wall.
<Not strong enough.>
"NO!" he shouted, falling to his knees and pressing his face into the cold concrete floor of the mansion.
<Not strong enough.>
Sobs wracked his body as he pounded his fist into the floor, while striking up a mantra. "My fault. My fault. My fault." The floor was soon smeared with blood as his hand was cut and bruised. "My fault."
<I'm sorry, Angel.>
"Please, no," he whispered, his body calming as he stared off into space.
<I'm sorry, but I'm not strong enough.>
"Willow, no, gods, please, no," he cried, barely registering the sound as the door was pushed open. His eyes remained fixed on the far wall as Buffy dropped bonelessly beside him.
"She's gone," the Slayer whispered, fresh tears falling down her face as wrapped her arms around Angel's waist and buried her face into his back.
<Not strong enough.>
And somewhere in
the back of Angel's mind, the demon cackled and cavorted in it's joy.
The End