DISTRIBUTION: The New Place, Fever of Fate, Willow's Guys, Charity's site. Anyone else, please ask.
SPOILERS: All of the third season of Buffy. No specific spoilers for Ange except that he lives in LA
RATING: PG-13
CONTENT: Willow/Angel, songfic
SUMMARY: Willow visits Angel in L.A.
DISCLAIMER: Not mine. Joss's. The song isn't mine either. That belongs to Melissa Etheridge.
NOTE: The point of views alternate on this story. After each piece of song, the POV changes. It starts out Angel, then goes to Willow, then goes back again. Understand?
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
She was the only one I stopped to say goodbye to when I left town, but I didn't even get to do that. She was asleep when I arrived on her balcony, and I didn't have the heart to wake her up. The fight had exhausted her, exhausted all of us, really.
I can still feel the smile that broke out over my face as I watched her sleep. Then I left town with two feelings in the pit of my stomach.
I loved Willow Rosenberg, and that I was never going to see her again.
Except I was wrong.
She's coming here.
To see me.
** The rope that's wrapped around me Is cutting through my skin And the doubts that have surrounded me Are finding their way in I keep it close to me Like a holy man prays In my desperate hour It's better that way **
I knew he came to my room the night he left town, and it took all of my strength not to call out and invite him in. I wanted so very much to see him one more time, hug him one more time, kiss him for the first time. Gods, that urge came out of nowhere.
But it's true. I can't deny that fact. I know I'm betraying Buffy just by thinking about him in any way that is more than just-friends, but I can't help it. I realized that the night he left.
I love Angel, but I also knew I'd never see him again. I thought I was safe from those feelings. I'd never see him again; I wouldn't have to deal with it.
But I was wrong.
I'm going to LA.
To see him.
** So I'll come by and see you again I'll be such a very good friend Have mercy on my soul I will never let you know Where my mind has been **
I can't tell her.
It would destroy her. It would destroy Buffy. It would destroy me. All our lives would be in shambles.
I want so very much to tell her. I want to gather her into my arms, I want to make love to her, I want to feel her under me, I want to hear her scream my name in pleasure.
But I can't have her like that. Damn happiness clause.
I'm not even sure she wants me like that. I know she doesn't want me. She can't. I'm not Oz, I'm not Xander. Hell, I'm not even Giles. I can't give her all the things a mortal can -- children, walks in the sun.
Damn it, why do I have to feel like this?
Why do I have to want her so badly?
** Angels never came down There's no one here they want to hang around But if they knew If they knew you at all Then one by one the angels Angels would fall **
Oh, Goddess, what am I doing here?
I shouldn't be here. Buffy will kill me. Xander will kill me. Giles will scold me soundly then kill me, and Oz will....Oz will be Oz.
I want him. I want to feel him in me, over me, under me. Does that make me a bad person? I wonder if he knows. About the curse, I mean. He can't know about my feelings; I was too careful. He can't know.
But the curse, I wonder if he knows his soul is permanent? Of course, he doesn't. If he did, he'd be back with Buffy and I'd be in even more emotional pain than I am now.
Should I tell him?
Should I help him pack to go back into Buffy's waiting and willing arms?
Goddess, why do I have to want him so badly?
** I've crept into your temple I have slept upon your pew I've dreamed of the divinity Inside and out of you I want it more than truth I can taste it on my breath I would give my life just for a little death **
She's here.
Already, she's here. I don't even know if I look good or even decent. I wish I could use a mirror to see what the hell my hair is doing.
Why am I so nervous?
Because the woman I love is standing in the office lobby ringing my bell, and I don't know what to do with these feelings.
"Willow?" I ask her as the elevator gates open, and she stands there staring at me with a pensive gaze. She doesn't want to be here. I can see it written on her face, and a part of me dies at the sight.
"A-Angel," she greets, and I see fear dancing in her eyes. "I-I don't know what I'm doing here." She starts to leave, but I reach out and touch her arm. At that slight contact a bolt of pure pleasure flares through my body, and when her eyes meet mine, I know she felt it too.
"Willow?" I ask, my mouth suddenly dry.
Oh, God.
** So I'll come by and see you again I'll be just a very good friend I will not look upon your face I will not touch upon your grace Your ecclesiastic skin **
He's not coming. He doesn't want to see me. He doesn't want to be near me; the only thing on his mind is Buffy. I don't even enter into the picture.
I hear a clank in elevator shaft that signals the movement of the car, and my stomach clenches as butterflies dance in my gut.
Why am I so nervous?
Could it be because the man I love is about ten feet away from me, and I don't know what to do about anything I'm feeling.
I close my eyes as the elevator stops and I hear the gates slam open.
"Willow?" he asks; I look up at him and am surprised at the pained look on his face. He doesn't want me here. He never did.
"A-Angel," I reply quietly, deciding right then to leave. "I-I don't know what I'm doing here." I turn to leave, but he stops me with a hand on my arm. My breath catches as flash of pleasure rolls through my body. I look up at him, and the look in his eyes surprises me. I see love there, and heat. My heart leaps at the mere hint of emotion.
"Willow?" he asks again, holding out his hand. I stare into his eyes and place my hand in his; he pulls me into the elevator.
Oh, Goddess.
** I'll come by and
see you again I'll have to be a very good friend If I whisper they will
know I'll just turn around and go You will never know my sin **
The End