E-mail: mistressofthedark@seductive.com
Sequel To: "My Obsession" which is itself a sequel of "In Her Eyes"...this appears to be transforming itself into a massive serial epic. Any ideas for a series title?
Rating: Very NC-17. That's right. Willow gets laid. Sex is had. You have been warned (or tempted). Oh, and there's death involved.
Pairing: A(us)/Willow...pretty much Angelus from henceforth.
Summary: "Forever's gonna start tonight..." (I suck at summaries & it's a songfic, how much of a summary could you possibly have/want?)
Disclaimer: Neither Angelus, Angel, Willow, nor anything else in the Buffyverse belongs to me. Additionally, the song lyrics used are "Total Eclipse of the Heart" sung by Bonnie Tyler and I don't own that either, it's just a nifty song.
Spoilers: Up to "Pangs" (S4 Thanksgiving) for Buffy. No "I Will Remember You" for Angel S1. Buffy didn't come to L.A., or if she did, Angel wasn't there by that time. Essentially off in my own little world after that.
Feedback: Yes, yes, yes, yes! This is only the 2nd time I've written smut and comments on how I'm doing would be greatly appreciated if I'm ever to write smut again. I'd also like to know if people would like me to continue this series and if any one would be interested in it becoming Aus/W/S because my muse seems fairly willing to go in that direction if this does continue. Also, if you have song suggestions (from the 80s/early 90s) I'd appreciate them.
Willow's POV this time. I trust you can figure out where it starts if you've read the previous fic. Again, song lyrics are enclosed between long lines of ~'s.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
~Somewhat concurrent with "My Obsession"~
I never thought I'd be here. In bed, with Angel no less, after having some of the most incredibly tender and loving sex in my limited experience. I felt...cherished and worshipped and cared for; three things that I needed almost desperately that I didn't even realize I required. I still don't know why he was on my doorstep so late at night when he lives in L.A., but I'm glad he was there. His propitious arrival pulled me from the dark pit of pity and self- despair that I was wallowing in. I don't know what I would have done if he hadn't shown up. Probably continued to sink deeper and deeper into the morass of pain, depression, and betrayal created by Oz's infidelity and abandonment. There was one song that continually replays over and over again in my mind that I was listening to earlier, and as I lay here it begins again.
~~~*~~~
TURN AROUND Every now and then I get a little bit
lonely
and you're never coming round.
TURN AROUND Every now and then I get a little bit tired
of listening to the sound of my tears.
TURN AROUND Every now and then I get a little bit nervous
that the best of all the years have gone by.
TURN AROUND Every now and then I get a little bit
terrified
and then I see the look in your eyes.
TURN AROUND, BRIGHT EYES Every now and then I fall apart.
TURN AROUND, BRIGHT EYES Every now and then I fall apart.
~~~*~~~
The song definitely got it right, even if they were understating things quite a bit. Since Oz left, I've been so lonely and everyone seems to want me to forget about it, get over it, put it behind me. Instead, they're impatient with me when I cry, when I can't `get over it' that easily, when I'm constantly a Weeping Willow. So their reaction is either a sort of tough love in the form of `get over it, he's not worth it, buck up' or to avoid me. Mostly avoid me. For Giles and Xander, it's understandable and I can forgive them. Men almost never know what to do with a crying woman and it makes them extremely uncomfortable to be in the presence of one. So the fact that they feel helpless to do anything with me around is totally understandable and I forgive them for their male ineptness when it comes to comforting. Xander used to be a little better at the comforting gig, but between the fluking in high school and Anya's insecurities, he's not that good with the friendship thing anymore and I miss him. As for Giles, I have a hard time going to him with relationship woes. Demon woes, yes, but crying over Oz on his tweed- clad shoulder? No. He's tried his best though, but not even a book full of "oh dear"s and an ocean's worth of tea is going to make this problem any better. The one who I'm not sure I can really forgive though is Buffy. She seems to have completely failed to understand my pain over Oz's betrayal and loss when she should be the one who understands and supports me the most out of all of the Scoobies. Angel left her after all, and she's a woman so she should be understanding and supportive of what I'm going through. I was as supportive as I could possibly be all throughout her tumultuous relationship with Angel; you'd think she could at least be friend enough to return the favor. I was supportive through the Parker debacle as well. Hey! I've been nothing but supportive the entire time I've known Buffy. You could even replace my middle name and call me Willow `Supportive' Rosenburg, I'm that supportive.
But when it's time to sympathize and comfort me in *my* pain, does Buffy return the support? Nooo. I guess she sort of tried. But her idea sucked to be honest. Her idea? Take me to a frat party and dance away my sorrows (forget, forget, forget...). And that worked *so* well when Buffy & Cordy went in high school and were almost eaten by that demonic snake in the frat boys' basement. I didn't want to forget, I wanted to mope at home and be Weepy Willow. So I tried to set Riley up with Buffy and left the party just about as soon as possible. Then later, I accidentally invited Spike into our dorm room and he did a better job of comforting me than any of my friends had managed all week. It's almost ironic when I think about it. The person who was my worst enemy at one point in time, trying to comfort me and my comforting him in return, and doing a spectacular job at it.
But now...now he's been gone for a little more than two weeks and I'm tired of listening to the sound of my tears as they drip in a steady stream down my face. I'm sick and tired of crying over him and I wish I could stop being sad and depressed Willow, but there just doesn't seem to be the slightest ray of hope to guide me out of the quagmire of negative emotions I've sunk into. Angel's appearance tonight and what we did was almost literally a life-saver. I don't know how much longer I could've gone on the way I had been. It was starting to honestly scare me, but something about the way Angel looked at me, especially the look in his eyes tonight, comforted me and provided me with solace as well as a brief respite from my brain.
~~~*~~~
TURN AROUND Every now and then I get a little bit
restless
and I dream of something wild.
TURN AROUND Every now and then I get a little bit helpless
and I'm lying like a child in your arms.
TURN AROUND Every now and then I get a little bit angry
and I know I've got to get out and cry.
TURN AROUND Every now and then I get a little bit
terrified
but then I see the look in your eyes.
TURN AROUND, BRIGHT EYES Every now and then I fall apart.
TURN AROUND, BRIGHT EYES Every now and then I fall apart.
~~~*~~~
I suppose that's the reason why I did what I did and allowed Angel to comfort me in such as manner. I needed to feel something other than pain and despair and he offered to give me that. I know it was a reckless thing to do; Angelus could be freed if I thought that I could possibly give him a moment of complete bliss. But I could never do that; only Buffy, the love of his life, could possibly give him a moment like that.
So here I am. Lying in bed with Angel at my side. He seems oddly quiet and still for a moment, almost as if he's in pain and trying not to express it, but an instant later he's gathered me close and I'm in his arms so he must be fine. I feel so secure here, almost as if I'm a babe being held safe within my mother's arms. Well, not *my* mother's arms, and without the sexual undertones present in Angel's embrace that I definitely don't want to think about in connection with *any* mother, let alone mine. He's such a comforting presence tonight. I know that if I need to cry from anger or hurt, I can do that safely in his arms with him being nothing but supportive if that's what I choose to do. Even when I'm scared, I have every confidence that he'll be there to protect me and that all I have to do is look into his eyes to find the courage and comfort I need to go on. Because every now and then (and way more often than that lately) I completely fall apart. I can't be the support and glue for the entire Scooby Gang *all* the time. Every once and awhile I have to break down and cry, be weak instead of strong, fall apart instead of the one who's calm and has everything together, be angry instead of happy and supportive. Normally I can't do and be that in front of Buffy and the other Scoobies. I try to cry in private as much as possible, I don't want to bother anybody and risk the possibility of someone mocking my pain. I cried in front of Cordelia once because of some scathing comment she made and she, as well as everyone in the immediate area, laughed at my distress. Ever since then, I've done my best to cry in private, away from the prying eyes of others, even when all I really want is to be comforted by someone. That's why I decided to come to my parents house over Thanksgiving break. I knew they weren't going to be home and here there's no chance of Buffy coming in suddenly and seeing me crying on the bed. Just me, my misery, and a radio for company, which can't offer any commentary on my pain. Although this song seems to be doing a pretty good job of offering commentary anyway. It just *had* to go and get stuck in my head on continuous play, didn't it?
~~~*~~~
And I need you now tonight and I need you more than
ever
and if you only hold me tight we'll be holding on forever.
And we'll only be making it right 'cause we'll never be
wrong.
Together we can take it to the end of the line.
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time.
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark.
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks.
I really need you tonight, forever's gonna start tonight,
forever's gonna start tonight.
Once upon a time I was falling in love but now I'm only
falling apart.
There's nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the heart.
Once upon a time there was light in my life but now
there's only love
in the dark.
Nothing I can say, a total eclipse of the heart.
TURN AROUND, BRIGHT EYES
TURN AROUND, BRIGHT EYES
~~~*~~~
I really *do* need him tonight, more than I've ever needed him, or anyone else, before. I hadn't realized how depressed I'd actually gotten. His embrace is the only thing keeping the despair and tears at bay right now. I'm glad he's here to hold me. I draw myself further into his arms, holding him as close as physically possible without fusing our bodies together once more. His love seems to envelop me like a dark cloak, shadowing and smothering my sadness in folds of normally cool flesh that have been heated by my body and our activities.
He gathers me closer in response to my movements and suddenly his lips are covering mine in a passionate and breath-taking kiss. Desire begins to surge through me once again as lips lock and tongues duel while we embrace. His hands begin to roam over my body and it feels like his every touch on my body produces sparks that fly between my flesh and his fingers. The powder keg of passion and arousal has been ignited for the second time and the fuse begins a slow burn that will ultimately culminate in a blissful internal explosion. His hands move up and cup my breasts, weighing and kneading them. After a few minutes of this, his nimble fingers begin to concentrate their focus on my swollen and erect nipples. He plucks and then twists them, the sensations from his actions travelling straight down to the powder keg just above my stomach and adding fuel to it, increasing the size of the impending explosion. The sensations are driving me to distraction, but not quite far enough to distraction yet apparently since I can, and do, still think.
~~~*~~~
TURN AROUND Every now and then I know you'll never be
the boy you
always wanted to be.
TURN AROUND Every now and then I know you'll always be the
only boy
who wanted me the way that I am.
TURN AROUND Every now and then I know there's no one in
the universe
as magical and wondrous as you.
TURN AROUND Every now and then I know there's nothing any
better,
there's nothing that I just wouldn't do.
TURN AROUND, BRIGHT EYES Every now and then I fall apart.
TURN AROUND, BRIGHT EYES Every now and then I fall apart.
~~~*~~~
I know Angel isn't Oz, but he's here and Oz isn't; he wants me and Oz quite painfully obviously doesn't. He may not be Oz, the boy I want him to be, but he *is* Angel and the only one ever to see me as I am without wanting anything from me other than the opportunity to comfort me and that is more than enough. He's a wonder to me for his ability and his willingness to comfort me even though I know that he must be feeling his own pain and loneliness from seeing Buffy and Riley's nascent relationship. And at this moment, I can't imagine being anywhere else.
Although Angel's hands on my body and tongue in my mouth wasn't quite enough to make me stop thinking, the sudden realization of the length and hardness of his erection pressed firmly against my upper thigh as we embraced was more than enough to fizzle the synapses in my brain; leaving only pure emotions to reign.
And what emotions they were. Lust and sheer *need* runs through my body in fiery waves, causing me to writhe in an unconscious and uncontrolled response. The feel of his body against mine sends me into a lust-filled frenzy and the fuse burns faster within. My hands begin to wander over his body in an effort to encourage Angel and the fuse to get to the explosion faster. Mmm. He has such well-defined muscles, they're a pleasure in and of themselves to explore. The last time was more about exploring me, and now it's time to return the favor.
My hands seem to almost have a will of their own as they roam his firm flesh. They stop and linger in certain sensitive places that are particularly pleasing for both of us. The tight and wonderfully appealing curve of his buttocks, the sensitive small of his back, and the sides of his rib cage which are clearly delineated against his chiseled pale flesh (he's too thin - a fleetingly worrisome thought soon dismissed). My hands move up further and I reach the goal of my meandering: the flat male counterpart of my sensitive nipples. Is he as sensitive there as I am? Time to find out I silently answer myself along with an accompanying smile. I gently circle my fingers around his areolas, teasing him before suddenly raking my nails over his nipples harshly. He lets out a sharp hiss in reaction and looks into my eyes with surprise. His chocolate brown eyes are beginning to lighten to their demonic amber as he smiles wickedly and murmurs, "My little bright-eyed kitten has claws, does she? Well, if the kitten wants to object to how we've played so far, then we shall play a different way."
And just like that, with one of those lightning-quick movements of his kind, I lay breathless flat on my back with his figure looming over mine. There is a new urgency and harshness in the movements of his hands over my supple flesh that was entirely absent in our prior encounter. The thing is I enjoy it just as much as I enjoyed the worshipping last time, if not more.
I am acutely aware of the dampness between my legs and the fact that his rough handling of my body has increased it tenfold. With no warning, his erection is roughly, but not painfully, thrust within me and I gasp at the suddenness and forcefulness of his entry. My gasp turns into a long, low moan as he begins to move forcefully, almost pounding me into the mattress with the intensity of his motions. I lift my hips in time to his thrusts and the rhythm of our bodies causes a steady series of moans and noises I don't even recognize to pass my lips unbidden by any conscious part of my being. Angel is affected too; as our motions continue and get more frantic, the brow ridges and teeth which characterize his vampiric side come to the fore. His loss of control over his human visage pleases me and I smile at him just before the lit fuse of desire in my belly finally reaches the powder keg and explodes.
~~~*~~~
And I need you now tonight and I need you more than
ever
and if you only hold me tight we'll be holding on forever.
And we'll only be making it right 'cause we'll never be
wrong.
Together we can take it to the end of the line.
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time.
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark.
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks.
I really need you tonight, forever's gonna start tonight,
forever's gonna start tonight.
~~~*~~~
My back arches sharply, my breaths come in fast pants, and my inner walls grip and release his erection rhythmically as my climax slams through the my entire being. Angel continues to thrust through my release, but I can see through the strain on his face that he's close to his own finish - he's almost bitten through his lip in an effort to stave it off as it is. Seeing that I've come down a bit from mine, he moves even faster as he leans over me.
Suddenly, his fangs enter my neck and instead of being afraid like every other time a vamp's ever bitten me, I orgasm a second time, something Oz has never been able to do for me. I cry out in surprise and completion, which, combined with my inner muscles squeezing him once more and my blood, seems to be more than enough to make Angel climax with me.
When bliss retreats slightly once more, I become aware of the fact that Angel still hasn't stopped feeding from the vein at my neck and a frisson of alarm cuts through the euphoria I had been enjoying. I recall how still he'd been for that one moment, how uncharacteristic his words of just minutes ago had been for Angel, and I realize that Angelus must be free once again. I really *had* been reckless and now I was going to pay for it with my life. We'd had sex and now it was the end of the line for not only myself but for countless others in the future, including my friends.
Morose thoughts continue to run through my mind as my life is slowly drained away through Angelus' fangs. I don't fight or try to free myself from his deadly embrace; it's my fault he's free and I deserve to die for freeing him. When my heartbeat has slowed to a near stop and he withdraws, I feel a vague apprehension. Why didn't he continue to drain me? My silent question is answered as he tears open the flesh just above his heart with a hiss of pain...or pleasure perhaps. With Angelus, it was hard to tell the difference. His massive form leaves the space between my legs and moves farther up my body so that the cut is positioned directly above my lips. "Drink," he commands. He intended to turn me! The shock almost causes my lips to part and accept his command but I catch the action just before they open and press them firmly closed instead. Of course, he notices my action and smirks. "You didn't think I'd actually allow you a choice about this, did you? You *will* be my childe, whether you like it or not. If you refuse me, I will simply have to...persuade you."
Suiting actions to his words, his lips cover mine once more. His tongue traces the line of my lips, begging for entrance. If he'd been forceful, I could have resisted, but the coaxing was more than I was capable of withstanding and with a despairing moan I allowed him entrance into my mouth. Immediately I taste the blood from the lip he cut earlier as well as from a cut on his tongue he must have deliberately made before gaining entrance to my mouth. After a moment of this, his body slides forward once more and the dripping cut is pressed to my now open orifice. The blood quickly fills my mouth and I have no choice but to swallow or choke, which would still result in me swallowing. So I swallow and then swallow again, and again until it is no longer done defensively but because of a strange and fierce obsession which grips me and demands that I take in as much of Angelus as I possibly can. At last, Angelus moves away from my prone form and my heart begins to come to a final conclusion. My vision begins to dim and the line "forever's gonna start tonight" from the song stuck in my head even in death runs fleetingly through my thoughts. My mouth quirks upward minutely as I think, `Well, at least it wasn't wrong.'
~~~*~~~
Once upon a time I was falling in love but now I'm only
falling apart.
There's nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the heart.
Once upon a time there was light in my life but now
there's only love
in the dark.
~~~*~~~
As I fall into the darkness of the near-death state that presages the life of eternal darkness I will awake to, I realize something important. Once upon a time I fell in love with Oz, then he left me and I fell apart. Once upon a time there was light: sunlight and laughter and true love in my life. And now? Now there will be love, but only in the darkness. There will be laughter, but almost solely from dark humor. There will be light, but only from the moon and from Angleus' eyes when I do something that pleases him.
~~~*~~~
Nothing I can say, a total eclipse of the heart.
A total eclipse of the heart, a total eclipse of the
heart.
Turn around, bright eyes,
Turn around, bright eyes, turn around.
~~~*~~~
There's nothing more I can say really. My heart has been forever stilled and when I wake it will be totally eclipsed by the darkness Angelus has poured down my throat with his blood. I drift slowly into the dark oblivion that will result in the death of my soul and the birth of demon. And as I do, Angelus strokes my hair lovingly and I faintly hear him say, "Rest well, my sorrowful siren. Rest well, for when you have turned and the darkness permeates your very being, we will have our revenge and see what we can do to turn you around so that you are my bright-eyed beloved once more."