~Part: 11~
Buffy approached the cage.
"Hey, Will. How do you feel?" Willow looked up at her, her eyes filled with confusion. "What?"
Angel came forward, and Willow's eyes widened. "Sire," she breathed. Angel winced. Then Willow laughed, and Giles wished he could shut out the sound.
"I thought that might make you squirm. I'm not exactly Drusilla. Besides, I still have my memory. I remember everything that happened." She smiled, and Buffy had to turn away. The slayer faced Angel, but spoke to Willow.
"Don't worry, Will-- we'll work it all out..." Willow cut her off with a smirk.
"You mean you'll work it out with the spell that I didn't finish, and only I know where it is?" Buffy turned to face her and turned cold. "Good luck, dear friend."
Buffy managed to muster some composure. "You'll tell us where it is, since it's the only way we'll give you any-" she choked on the word, "-blood." A knowing smile spread across Willow's face.
"You let me become a vampire rather than see me die, and you're going to starve me when there's still hope I might get my soul back?" She shook her head.
"I think not." She had called Buffy's bluff, and all four of them knew it.
Buffy had lost her most loyal slayerette, Giles his protege, and Angel his first and only friend.
*****
Two weeks later, Willow was still soulless, and her friends were in the final stages of despair. Her constant commentary on the necks and blood types of everyone were running them ragged.
When the evil Willow from the other dimension had been with them, it had been horrible, but it hadn't been personal. This was their own Willow, which made it infinitely worse. She knew everything about all of them, and liked throwing it in their faces.
Xander had been destroyed when he found out. Buffy expected yet another tirade against Angel, so they were both surprised when Xander actually thanked him.
"Part of me wishes I could blame you, but at least she isn't totally gone. At least there's the possibility that we'll get her back. If you hadn't been there..." he trailed off as Buffy leaned down to hug him fiercely. That was when Willow snorted.
"Oh, how touching, really. I'm glad that I can bring the group together in this way. You must be crazy with grief, to thank Angel. Morons. Look at you, Xander. You can't even stay faithful to your hatred- it's revolting. Oh, how relieving it is not to be human anymore. How much more relieving it will be when I kill you all..."
Buffy set her face, determined not to cry while the red headed demon could see her. She led the way out of the library with Xander and Angel behind, longing for the days when Willow would have followed as well. They could still hear her voice as the doors shut behind them.
"...go on, have a get-in-touch-with-your-feelings session. I'd come, but well, you have me locked up in a cage. I can't wait till I get to make my first kill- that'll be the day..."
~Part: 12~
Buffy figured that the only place Willow would ever put something as
important as a restoration spell would be on her home computer, so that
was where she decided to look. 'Okay,' she thought, 'maybe she'll have
a file named 'Soul restoration'. I mean, that's at least possible.' It
took Buffy 17 minutes to even turn the computer on.
But, she finally managed to find her way into Willow's file system,
and fifteen minutes there was enough to reduce the normally stoic slayer
to tears.
Any file that wasn't school related was not only protected by a password, but many of them were encrypted as well. Willow had used just a little too much precaution, and now Buffy doubted they would ever even find the spell, let alone finish it.
'No! I have to think positive thoughts, like eventually getting to hug my best friend again. Okay Buffy, try, try. You can halt the apocalypse, you can do this, right?'
She was, of course, wrong.
*****
The slayer sat there for hours, becoming ever more frustrated. She didn't
notice when the sun set, and Angel nearly gave her a heart attack when
he knocked on the window of Willow's bedroom.
He noticed her puffy eyes and moist cheeks.
"Were you crying? What's wrong?" "Oh, Angel," she wailed. "I can't make heads or tails of this computer stuff. I'm no closer to finding it than I was five hours ago. I don't know what to do."
"Here, let me look." Angel walked over to the computer. Buffy was somewhat surprised that he seemed to know what he was doing. "Angel? Since when do you know anything about computers?" "Well, you know Willow, she loves to teach. Since she made me get that computer, she's shown me quite a bit. Not, unfortunately, enough to find the file with any ease." He finished. After a quick look through the files, he nodded and stood up.
"I need to get some of her computer related books, and then I'll be right back."
"Are they at the mansion?" Buffy asked. "No- the library." They both looked at the floor, but Angel collected himself, gave Buffy a kiss on the cheek and headed for the school.
*****
The library had always been a home base for Buffy and her friends, but that had changed since Willow's incarceration in the book cage. They couldn't handle hearing the horrible things that came out of her mouth, and avoided going into the library like the plague.
Angel stood outside the library doors, steeled himself and wished he could take a deep breath (it seemed appropriate), then pushed the doors open.
"Oh, Angel, so good to see you. Well, good in the sense that I find you revolting, but you know what I mean."
He feigned deafness, trying to ignore the barbs she flung at him as he looked for the books.
"I know, I know, I'm a new vampire, so who am I to criticize, right? But doesn't it bother you that you're pathetic?" Angel ignored her, so she decided to try a different tack.
"It must be awful, finally having a friend, then having her turn into me." He paused ever so slightly, but it was enough to encourage her. "Everyone wants someone who accepts them unconditionally, right? And you finally found that. How touching. I told you jokes, I listened to your complaints, and I really did love you. And now? Now I really just want to see you bleed." His pause was longer now, and his movements were becoming jerky.
"It's almost funny, in some ways. Buffy blamed herself for turning you into a monster, and now you can take the credit for doing the same to me. No matter how hard you try to be good, you just can't seem to help destroying and tormenting those you love." Angel began to tremble, as her hated laugh pealed behind him.
"Poor baby. To think I used to care whether you felt loved or not." Angel couldn't take anymore. He grabbed the books he had found and fled, Willow's horrible laugh ringing in his ears.
~Part: 13~
Giles sighed as he walked toward the library. Sunnydale High School students were used to seeing the same old sign- 'Library Closed for Repairs'. No other library had ever seen quite so many violent encounters as this one. He had put the sign up to ensure that no one would come in and encounter...
Willow.
Giles found it more and more difficult to even say her name. The rift between the splendid young woman that had been and the monster that was becoming was growing every day. He had been so proud of her, and now everything that came from her mouth broke his heart a little more. He knew Angel was working hard trying to find the spell, but kept praying he could work a little faster.
Giles couldn't avoid the library like the others, so he was forced to be around her more than any of them.
"Steady, old boy," he muttered as he opened the door. At the sight of the librarian, Willow began emitting a low growl of displeasure.
"I don't know why you insist on coming here every day, Ripper. It's not like you ever do any real librarian related work anyway."
She insisted on using his old moniker, refusing to even honor him with his own name.
"Oh, wait, let me guess- you just love spending time with me. You're the only one. Everyone else avoids this place like the plague, and tries real hard to ignore me when they have to come in. They sure do try, but they hear every word I say. Just like you."
Giles put down his coffee cup and busied himself at his desk, knowing full well that ignoring her never made any difference.
"Remember when everyone thought I was a vampire, and it turned out it was alternate reality me? Then you were so happy when it turned out I was still alive. Even you hugged me, Mr. stiff upper lip, the Brit who shows no emotion. I guess you're not that happy to see me nowadays." A new thought struck her, and a smile twisted its way across her once sweet mouth.
"Then again, maybe you love seeing me. Maybe even a little more than you should." Giles tried desperately not to hear her, not wanting to understand her meaning.
"Actually, maybe it's not so impossible. I was turning out like Ms. Calendar in so many other ways. Computer teacher, witch...now dead. Maybe you wanted to see me follow her into your bed." Willow laughed as the door to Giles' office slammed shut.
*****
Angel had been working at Willow's computer day and night, wishing he could find a clue regarding the location of the spell.
"Oh Willow, why did you have to cover your tracks so well?" She used a code unlike any he had ever seen before, one that wasn't in any of the books he had meticulously read from cover to cover. In short, she used a code that he simply couldn't translate.
He sat back in the chair, looking at her desk. He smiled at the picture of Xander and Buffy, at the stuffed animals that sat next to it. His fingers ran idly over her numerous objects, pencils, magazines, paper and paperweights.
Angel walked out to her balcony, letting the night air calm him.
'Willow,' he thought. 'Please- help me. Help me bring you back.'
The silence of the darkness sounded like despair.
"Willow," he whispered. "I need you." Suddenly, something in his mind clicked. He spun around, looking at her desk again.
Paperweight? In two strides he had reached the desk, and for the first time since Willow had turned, he smiled. Angel grabbed the Orb of Thesulah and went back to work.
*****
"Ripper, phone." Giles walked out of his office, refusing to look towards the cage.
"Hello? Oh, Angel. What is it?" Willow snorted. "He probably needs a
new friend, one with a nice shoulder to cry on." For once, Giles actually
didn't seem to hear her.
"Angel, are you sure? Yes, yes, I'll be right over." He grabbed his
jacket and headed out of the library.
"Oh Ripper, give Angel my best, will you? Nothing says love like a stake through the heart, as you well know." Giles stopped suddenly. He turned, and for the first time in days, looked straight into her eyes. He nodded slowly, and quietly left.
~Part: 14~
Giles burst into Willow's bedroom, where an excited Angel was sitting in front of her computer. At the sight of the watcher, he broke into one of his incredibly rare grins.
"Look at that," he said, gesturing towards the monitor. Giles read the title of the document-- 'Soul Restoration- Adapted'. "Angel, is this it?" The vampire nodded. "Angel, how on earth did you figure it out?"
"Well, there's always the outside possibility that I hit a stroke of incredible luck. But Giles, I think Willow helped me." Giles' look was doubtful.
"No, no, not the vampire Willow, Willow herself- her soul." Giles' face cleared.
"How do you mean, Angel?"
"Well, first, I was kind of talking out loud, wishing she could hear me, and all of a sudden I realized that I had seen an Orb of Thesulah on her desk. Even that could be chalked up to coincidence, but there's no way I could have decoded this file without some outside help. I was thinking about it, and I realized that the Orb is a sort of link to the ether, where the soul is stored. That's why the Orb is used in the soul spell the gypsies created specially for me. Well, maybe the Orb forms some link to Willow's soul, and maybe she could help me through that link. All I know is that I have never seen this code before, and all of a sudden I started figuring out how to translate it. And now that I have, I can't really remember anymore."
Giles realized that this was the longest speech he had ever heard come out of Angel's mouth.
"Well, have you looked at the spell? Will it work?" Angel shook his head.
"I don't know yet. First of all, it isn't finished. You'll be able to help me figure out what was missing. From what I've read tonight, I think Willow was using the Orb to adapt the spell in the first place. " Angel got up and walked over to the window, putting his hands in his pockets.
"I had been losing hope. Everyone had been. But Giles, this really makes me think we can do this. We have to do it. We have to get her back."
Giles remembered the things she had said to him at the library. "You're right, Angel, we do." He sat down at the computer, and skipped the usual technology-is-evil speech. He glanced over the incomplete spell, and then turned back to Angel.
"I think we can begin finishing this, but we'll need some supplies in a bit. I'd call Buffy, but she's patrolling. I suppose that leaves Xander." He picked up the phone and dialed Xander's number.
*****
Xander picked up the phone beside his bed, sitting up quickly as he recognized Giles' voice.
"Angel translated the spell? Hallelujah! I'm going to get my Willow back! What? Supplies? Yeah sure, what do you need?" Xander wrote down the list with more attention to detail than he had ever shown any piece of schoolwork.
"Yeah, I got all that. Wait a minute...what?" Xander began shaking his head.
"Oh, Giles, couldn't I just buy a new one? They cost what?! Okay, but, do you absolutely need it? Giles, I can't go in that library... Yes, I can. If it means Willow back, I can do anything." He hung up, smiling at what Giles had just said-- "Xander, just remember it will be the last time you see her without a soul."
*****
Xander tiptoed in, hoping he might slip in and out of the library unnoticed. That was quite silly of him.
"Hey, Xander, how's it going? Any mortal wounds yet?" Xander had always tried to avoid talking with her in this condition, but changed his policy just for once. After all, if everything went as planned, he would never see this version again.
"No, sorry to disappoint you. Although my heart is broken every time I see you."
"I'll bet. So how's Cordelia? Oh wait- you wouldn't know. You know, I think that our 'fluke' was the first time I ever caused intense pain for anyone. I didn't appreciate it at the time, but it was quite impressive. Oz was devastated, Cordy was heartbroken, humiliated, and impaled- not bad at all, for the innocent I was at the time. Just imagine the damage I'll be able to from now on."
"Yeah, you can show those books who's boss. You go girl." "Watch it. Every disrespectful word you say to me is another mark I'll leave on you before I kill you."
"I know, I know, you're gonna be so bad. You can pull tags off mattresses, maybe even jaywalk occasionally. Residents of Sunnydale, beware." Willow's growl was so low that he almost couldn't hear it. "Oh, Will, don't be mad. I'm scared, of you, really. I can talk tough cause you're in the cage." She realized she was having little or no effect on him, and it pissed her off. Then she thought of a new game. She began to giggle. Xander looked up uneasily at the sound. "What?"
"Oh, nothing, nothing, just the word cage led to the idea of bondage, which naturally led to the idea of Angel..." Xander shuddered. "There's nothing natural about it! Ew. Beside, it's not like you'd know."
"Oh, Xander, haven't you even wondered why Angel cares so much about me being a vampire? Why do you think he was even there to turn me? Because we're friends? Please. I've learned quite a bit from him. After all, he's got experience in more than just feeling guilty." "Yeah right. Angel would never cheat on Buffy. Besides, he can't...do...that. He'd lose his soul and you know it." "Xander, don't you ever pay attention? He'll lose his soul if he does it with Buffy, because he's in love with her. He isn't in love with me, but love isn't a prerequisite for what we did together. You should know. You're the one who shagged Faith. Are you going to tell me that you two were in love? Please. Grow up- I did." She smiled. "Angel has that effect on women."
Xander had just forgiven Angel, and know he found out about this. Angel got everything that was his- Buffy, now Willow. Why should he help restore her soul, if she'd go running right to Angel? Xander smiled suddenly.
"I'll hand it to you, Wills, you haven't lost that brilliant mind of yours, just your scruples. You almost had me going there- even thinking it would be better to keep you evil than to let you go back to him. But you're forgetting something." He walked closer to the cage. "I know Willow. And that is why I can disregard you so utterly." He grabbed his package and left her, more desperate to get his Willow back than ever.
*****
Giles and Angel had been working for hours. Xander had left after a while, since he couldn't really help and needed to sleep. Angel could tell that Willow had gotten to him in some way, but he could also tell that Xander didn't want to talk about it.
Eventually, Angel realized that he had to stop Giles, or the man would kill himself working out the details of the spell. "Giles, you need to get some rest."
"Not now, Angel, I just need to figure out this one part-" "Giles, sleep on it. I guarantee it will help. I'll stay here and keep working. You can't keep going indefinitely." Giles nodded and rose slowly from his chair.
As he opened the door, he turned back to face the vampire. "You don't call me Rupert anymore." Angel couldn't meet his eyes. "I don't have the right to," he said in a hushed voice. Giles smiled. "Willow was right- she always is. Angel, it wasn't you. I get it now. It wasn't you, and if I don't blame you, you shouldn't either. I'll see you tomorrow."
Angel sat in stunned silence as Giles left.
~Part: 15~
Willow's bedroom was a scene of crazed triumph. Buffy and Angel were dancing around the room, Xander was bouncing up and down on the hacker's bed, sending stuffed animals flying, and Giles was actually kissing the computer screen.
"I take it all back, you wonderful, beautiful machine- I will never argue with you again. Thank you, thank you!"
Buffy and Angel both simutaneously dived on Xander, knocking him off the bed.
"No fair!" he hollered gleefully. "Slayer strength plus vampiric strength equals pancaked normal person!" Of course, the ecstatic grin on his face belied his words.
Angel's normally grave face was alight with joy as he tickled Buffy mercilessly.
"C'mon, slayer, you can't handle a little tickliing?" Buffy shrieked with laughter.
"Angel- STOP!" She managed to stop him by pulling on his neck and kissing him as she giggled.
"C'mon, Angel, don't I get a kiss?" Xander asked mockingly. Angel grinned at him and shrugged.
"Alright." He kissed Xander smack on the forehead as Buffy ran over to throw her arms around Giles' neck.
"Oh, Giles, this is the best day ever! I'm so happeeeeeeee!" Everyone's laughter spoke of released tension and worry. Furthermore, it drowned out the sound of the printer as the completed soul restoration spell was transferred to paper.
*****
Willow sat in her cage.
She was biding her time, although immortality does not automatically equal patience.
She could wait- opportunity would eventually come.
*****
The celebration party had calmed somewhat, but the air of supreme happiness remained as they all huddled over the adapted spell. "Basically," Giles explained, "this spell takes the most fundamental parts of the gypsy curse, then makes them more adaptable. That means that Willow, or any other vampire, can get their soul back. It also means that the happiness clause has been removed. This is just a soul spell, straight and simple.
"Now, the really incredible part of this version of the spell is how truly versatile it is. Of course, it will still work with the Orb of Thesulah method. However, Willow managed to find a way to make the spell work in physical form. This means that the spell can work like a poison." Buffy interrupted.
"So all we have to do is make an actual concoction, and get Willow to take it?"
"Precisely." "Hey," said Xander. "We should put it in the town's water, so any vamp that takes a sip gets a soul."
"Xander," Buffy replied, "thirsty vampires don't drink water." "Oh, well, details." Buffy almost laughed with delight as she pulled a package from her pocket.
"They don't drink water, but they do drink."
Two hours later, they all headed towards the school.
*****
Buffy entered the library by herself and approached the book cage. Willow lay inside, muttering something about carnage and innards. "Hey Willow."
She sat up warily, glowering at the slayer. "Well, what is it today, Madam Warden?" Buffy shrugged. "I just brought you your blood." She tossed the bag in to Willow, who growled.
"Gee, cold plastic wrapped blood. Goody." She took it nonetheless, and began to feed. Buffy was normally repulsed by the sight, but this time she watched out of the corner of her eye. Willow cast away the empty bag sulkily.
"You sure know how to make a girl feel at home. If home is a metal cage in a high school library, that is. When I get out of here..." That was normally where she began to delineate Buffy's demise, but she suddenly stopped.
"What the-" Buffy turned to face her as Willow clutched her head. "I'm- I'm ripping ..."
The vampire fell to the floor, and for a moment her crumpled figure remained still.
*****
Suddenly she stirred, and Buffy crouched by the cage door. "Willow?" she whispered. After a moment, the red head lifted. Her face was creased in pain, but all the spite had disappeared. "What happened?" Willow asked, but a sudden flash of memory answered the question for her.
"Oh, my." Buffy stood up and purposefully unlocked the cage door. Willow pulled herself up and staggered out. Buffy mustered up all her faith and hugged her friend as hard as she could. Willow chuckled quietly. "Remember when it mattered whether or not I could breathe during a hug?" Buffy pulled back to look at her, and they both grinned. Willow's grin, however, turned into a grimace.
"What's wrong, Will?" She tried to smile again, but shook her head. "I don't mean to imply that it isn't nice to have my soul back, but I really had no idea it would hurt this much." The two girls started at the sound of a voice behind them.
"I tried to warn you." Angel stood at the library doors, hesitating to come any closer. Willow ran at him and threw herself into his arms. A muffled 'thank you' was buried in his jacket as he welcomed back his friend's soul.
~Part: 16~
No one could stop smiling, as they revelled in the return of the resouled Willow. They sat in the library, willing the moment to continue.
"So," Willow spoke up. "Anything interesting happen while I was, um, not myself?"
"You were pretty much our number one priority," Buffy replied.
"Yeah, it was like the Sunnydale vamp population knew better than to interfere with the spell search," Xander added.
"How did you manage to find the file, let alone decode it? Those were some strong barriers I set up."
"Angel did it. You'd be quite proud of his newfound computer abilities, Will," Buffy grinned. "Of course, he had an incredible teacher."
"Angel, you decoded the spell? I am amazed. I mean, wow. A vampire hacker. How very... hellmouthy."
Angel smiled, a sight that was becoming increasingly common since Willow had become his confidante. "Well, you look better out of the cage anyway."
Buffy stood up determinedly. "We should do something to celebrate. Go somewhere."
"With food," Xander interjected.
"Well, I just ate the best meal of my life, but that sounds like fun,"
Willow replied. "Hey, how about that bistro downtown? It's really nice there."
"Let me guess," Buffy whispered as they all headed out the library doors.
You imagine them seating John Cusack next to you someday?"
"Oh yeah." The two girls giggled, a sound that had been too long missing from the halls of Sunnydale High.
*****
"Oh, come on, Angel. I know you don't have to eat, but I also know you can. Just be sociable for this once." He couldn't resist when she asked so plaintively, so he sighed in agreement.
"Fine. What do you recommend?"
"Well, I've always enjoyed the ziti." None of the guys could understand why this comment sent Willow and Buffy into such peals of laughter.
"I know vampires are supposed to be mysterious, but this is more like bizarre, Will." Willow replied by sticking her tongue out at Xander. 'Whatever, Mr. 'Amy Yip at the waterslide park'."
"Hi, my name is Lindsay and I'll be your waitress this evening. Here's some bread for all of you- what can I get you to drink?"
Once the waitress had left, Giles sat back to observe the group at the table. All of the pain at seeing Willow as a soulless monster was more than made up for by the sweetness in seeing her back. Teasing Xander, sharing private jokes with Buffy, and now taking it upon herself to see that Angel didn't brood and keep himself distant from the group. To think that they had nearly lost her...
Angel noticed Giles' silence, and leaned towards him.
"Feels good, doesn't it?" Giles nodded.
"You must be happy, Angel. I know how much her friendship has meant to you."
"I am happy." A sly smile crept into his handsome face. "But don't worry, not too happy." Giles looked at him in surprise, and then surprised himself by laughing. That Angel should make a joke about losing his soul, and that he could laugh at it, were two events that Giles would have never thought possible.
For her part, Willow was practically giddy with delight over her return.She had memories of the terrible things she had said to all her friends, but she knew she could feel guilty about them later. Furthermore, she knew her friends didn't hold her responsible. For the moment, she wanted to feel like a normal teenage girl having a night out with friends, not the second ever vampire with a soul.
"Buffy, you are not telling me that Larry of all people defended gay rights in class," she said incredulously.
"Xander was there, he can tell you." Xander looked inexplicably uncomfortable.
"Tell you what? Just because I was there doesn't mean I know any reasons or anything. What could I possibly know about Larry's beliefs or tendencies? Why do you seem to think I know anything about it? What have you heard?"
Buffy put her hand on Xander's forehead, checking for a fever. Willow laughed as she grabbed a piece of bread. 'Ooh, hot' she thought. "Buffy, I think he's just wigged by discussing class outside of, well, class." She grinned at her two friends as she took a bite.
"Xander, you can ramble with the best of them." Buffy rolled her eyes at him. "You're lucky we like you. What were you doing today during-"
"Mmmph," Willlow's muffled voice came. Buffy looked at her in surprise.
"You okay, Will?"
The redhead had a perplexed look on her face as her hand slowly rose to her mouth. Another 'mmph' came, and her eyes began to water in pain.
'What on earth?!' she thought. Her mouth was burning, and her confusion
was as great as the pain. She tried to take a gulp of water, but it only
spread the pain down her throat and into her stomach
Angel, who had been talking quietly with Giles, suddenly looked over to see his newly recovered Willow gasping in pain.
"What the hell-" he moved swiftly to her side, searching her tearful eyes for an answer.
"My mouth," she whimpered softly. That was when smoke began to emerge in soft tendrils from the corners of her delicate lips.
Angel cast his eyes desperately about, looking for anything that could have done this to her. That was when he saw the basket of bread. He picked it up, sniffed it, and tossed it away as tears sprang into his own eyes.
"Damn," he growled. "Willow, can you walk?" Her tiny body was trembling and she shook with sobs. He was pulling her towards the door when Buffy called out to him.
"Angel- what is it?"
"Garlic," he answered angrily. The patrons of the small Italian restaurant stared as the young girl whose mouth appeared to be smoking was led out of the dining room.
"Must be something pretty darn hot," one man whispered to his wife.
Once outside, Angel led Willow into an alley.
"Angel," she whispered, "It hurts so much." His forehead creased in concern.
"I know- it'll be okay." He hoped he was right. Garlic usually couldn't kill a vampire outright, and Willow hadn't ingested very much, but it still hurt like hell. There was only one thing that could lessen the pain.
Angel put on his game face, slitting open his wrist with one fang. He held it up to Willow's still smoking mouth. She looked up at him with terrified eyes.
"Angel, I can't-"
"You will. Willow, drink now. It will help, I promise." She was still unsure, but couldn't help but obey after he used that voice.
She drank hesitantly, moaning as the blood washed through her still painful mouth. Eventually, Angel pulled his wrist away and held the still shaking girl in his strong arms, gently arranging her in his lap.
"I feel so stupid," she said in a low voice. Angel looked at her incredulously.
"Why on earth do you feel stupid?"
"I forgot- that I'm different. I felt like a human, and I'm not. Stupid."
"Willow, you're not stupid. Yeah you forgot, but you're really new at this. You learned a lesson tonight- always sniff your food before you bite. Just pretend you're allergic to garlic. If anyone should feel stupid, it's me. I'm just used to you knowing everything, not needing help from anyone. The fact is, I am your sire, regardless of any and all extenuating circumstances. It is my responsibility to teach you how to be a vampire, and I failed you in this case."
"You just like taking blame."
"Yeah, well, in this case, I am responsible. You," he kissed the top of her head, "are not, and so stop feeling like you committed some grave error. Are you feeling up to going back in?"
He helped her to her feet, and sire and childe returned to the table of concerned humans inside.
~Part: 17~
Buffy was just about to slip into her pajamas when the phone rang. "No, not another apocalypse. Not tonight," she moaned. "Hello, Buffy here," she said into the phone.
"Buffy? It's Angel. I need your help." He sounded very upset, and Buffy thought she could hear him growling deep in his throat.
"Angel, what is it? Are you in danger?"
"No, I'm fine. Neither of us is hurt."
"Us? Oh, is Willow with you?" That was when Buffy's Slayer enhanced hearing heard Willow's sobbing over the line. "What's wrong with Willow? Why is she crying?"
"She's upset...look, we're at Willow's house. I'm sorry to bother you, but could you get over here as fast as you can?"
"Sure."
"Bye."
"Bye." As she hung up, Buffy began to worry in full force. After the rather unfortunate garlic incident at the restaurant, the rest of the evening had been relatively pleasant. She had returned to the library with Giles and Xander, and Angel and Willow had headed for the mansion. Something horrible must have happened since then to make Willow cry like that.
Buffy concealed a few more stakes in her clothing before slipping out her window. She landed silently on her lawn, and began sprinting towards Willow's house.
*****
Buffy saw Angel and Willow as she ran up the sidewalk to where they sat on the porch of Willow's house. Her pale cheeks were streaked with tears, and Angel was obviously at his wits' end. Buffy knew he hated to see a woman cry.
"Willow? What happened?" Buffy asked as she kneeled in front of her.
"Oh, Buffy." Willow launched herself into her arms as her sobs started again. Buffy rubbed her back as she looked up at Angel over her shoulder.
"She can't get in."
Buffy looked at him, still not comprehending. "Get in where?"
"Her house."
"Why not? Do you not have your key, or something?" Willow began to cry harder at the question.
"Buffy, she can't get in her house because she hasn't been invited."
Her eyes widened as she began to understand. "Willow, it's okay. It's okay," she repeated, realizing how Willow must feel. "I'll invite you in, if you can unlock the door. It's okay."
Willow handed her the key and unwrapped her arms from around her neck. Buffy slowly stood and opened the front door. She crossed the threshold and turned around.
"Willow, Angel, you're both welcome to come in." Willow had reached a point of such emotional exhaustion that she couldn't even stand by herself, so Angel gently helped her up. She leaned on him heavily until they were finally standing in the foyer.
Then she fainted.
*****
Angel carried Willow's inert form up the stairs, where Buffy put her to bed. The two of them then proceeded to cover every window in the house with thick blankets that would block out the sun.
Finally they both collapsed in Willow's living room.
"Thanks for coming, Buffy." Angel's voice was flat, which was a good indication that he was masking pretty strong emotions. Buffy looked at him, knowing he was capable of keeping everything from her, wishing he wouldn't think it necessary.
"Of course," she replied.
"I wonder if we haven't done a selfish thing," he said slowly.
Buffy looked at him sharply. "Why do you say that?"
"Having a demon battling with your soul every day for eternity is a hard burden to bear. Not that I don't think Willow is capable of it, but I wonder if making her...like me was more because we couldn't conceive letting her go than because it was the best thing for her." As he threatened to sink into melancholy, Buffy grabbed his shoulder.
"Um, Angel? First of all, it was Willow's idea, remember? Second, she never got to do anything worse than say horrible things to all of us, so she doesn't have any horrible crimes in her past like you do. Third, we both know that Willow thinks it's illogical of you to feel guilty for the sins of a demon that used to control your body. If she feels that way about you, chances are she'll regard her own situation similarly. She's having trouble adjusting, but Willow is one of the few things you can count on in this awful town. She'll come through, just like she always does."
Angel smiled slightly. "For all that you're the vampire slayer, you certainly do consort with a lot of them."
Buffy shrugged carelessly. "I never said I was a workaholic. Can't bring your job home with you, you know?"
They both heard a light step on the stairs, and turned to see Willow slowly descending. "Hey, guys. Are you still here?" She looked less tired, but even more weary, as if merely existing was taking a greater toll than she had anticipated.
"Hey, Will. Are you feeling a little better? Look-- we made your house safe. No sunlight. Although I don't think there are any more blankets in the house..." Buffy twisted her hands nervously. She wasn't used to feeling so helpless. If Willow's problem had been a demon, she would have known what to do. Killing tangible difficulties was no problem. But Willow's newest battle was internal, and Buffy could only watch and hope her friend was winning.
"Thanks. You know, today has just been reminder after reminder that I'm a vampire. Garlic, invitation into my own house, sunlight." Buffy couldn't read her expression. "Now I just need to look in the mirror to see if I look alright and bump into one of the crucifixes still nailed to my wall," she added dryly.
Buffy almost laughed in relief as Willow smiled. "Thanks for being here, both of you."
"As your best friend, it is my god-given duty to be with you in times of crisis," Buffy said solemnly.
"Ditto for me being your sire," Angel added, then paused. "Except for the, um, god-given part."
Willow's smile turned into a laugh. She nestled her small form into a corner of the couch and grabbed the remote, gesturing for Buffy and Angel to join her. "Channel 59, here we come. So Angel, have you ever watched Indian TV?"
~Part: 18~
The incomprehensible dialogue of an Indian soap opera was still playing in the background as Willow glared at Angel. "You're cheating," she accused him.
"No, I'm not."
"This is a loaded deck," she insisted. "You...cheater. I thought your soul was supposed to keep you on the straight and narrow, but I can see that I was mistaken."
He laughed as he shook his head. "Willow, I won't deny that I am completely capable of cheating, because it's something you tend to pick up when you're an evil creature of the night for any period of years. But I'm not cheating. I don't need to cheat to win at poker. I'm that good," he grinned wickedly, laying down his flush on the carpet.
Willow sniffed contemptuously. "Buffy, can't you do something with your boyfriend? Train him, or something?"
Buffy smiled. "Will, if they had obedience school for vampires, I'd pretty much be out of a job. Besides, for all his tormented soul, Angel has a tendency to be incorrigible."
"Me?" he asked innocently. "How can you say such a thing?"
"Don't bother with the sweet and sensitive act," Willow snapped at him, her playful eyes belying her harsh tone. "We know what you really are. How you cheat at poker, and make up nonexistent words in Scrabble, and you always use the walkthroughs on my computer games, and-" Willow broke off suddenly, looking around. "What on earth is that?"
Angel and Buffy both looked at her in concern. "What is what, Will?" Buffy asked.
"That smell," Willow answered, wrinkling her nose. "It smells like something is burning. I should probably go check the kitchen, but it's not like we used the stove tonight..."
Finally understanding, Angel put a hand on her arm. "Willow, sit down. Nothing is burning. Well, not on this planet. It's just the sunrise."
Willow looked at him perplexedly, even as understanding washed across Buffy's face. "Oh, right! Christmas morning, you said you could smell the sun long before it comes up. That's what you must be smelling, Willow."
Willow frowned. "This is what the sunrise smells like? I have to smell this smell every day for the rest of eternity?"
"You get used to it, which is why I didn't even notice it. But after awhile, it just fades into the category of everyday occurrences." Angel said quietly. With a nod, Willow resumed her spot on the floor.
Buffy spoke suddenly. "Wait a minute. Willow, you've only had your soul for a day, but you were a vampire for weeks before that. Why is smelling the sunrise something new?"
Willow shrugged helplessly. "I don't really know."
"The demon expects it," Angel began to explain. "A natural vampire fledgling is almost completely demon, and the demon inherently understands what the smell is. It's like a sweeter version of brimstone, which the demon is used to. But the soul confuses and frustrates the demon, so Willow, you're still relying on your store of human knowledge, even though deep down, the demon inside you already recognized the smell."
"That makes sense," Willow admitted. "Alright, new hand. But this time, I get to deal, you hooligan."
Angel laughed in response. "You know Willow, you may be the first vampire fledgling ever who would dare to call her sire a hooligan."
*****
After a few more hands of poker, Buffy threw down her cards with a sigh. "Ugh. I'm hungry. What would you guys like for break-" she broke off upon seeing the looks on their faces.
"Um, let's just chalk that one up to sleep deprivation, okay? Seeing as how it's a little sunny outside for you two to do any 'grocery' shopping, I guess it's up to me. Angel, I'll just snag stuff for you guys from the mansion, is that okay?"
"That's very nice of you to offer, Buffy, thanks."
"Hey, I used to buy donuts for my friends, now I bring them blood. Not a whole lot of difference."
"Don't tell Xander that," Willow remarked.
"Okay, I'll swing by the mansion and stop at the market on my way back. Is there anything else I can bring for you? Angel, did you want some other clothes to change into?"
"If you don't mind, that'd be great."
"Back in a few," Buffy waved goodbye as she dashed out the front door, still careful enough in the midst of her dashing to make sure neither vampire was in the line of sunlight as the door opened.
"Angel?" Willow eventually asked as he began building a house of cards.
"Yeah?"
"Seeing as how I never got beyond the ill-fated garlic bread last night, I was wondering- does food still have a taste to you...and, consequently, me? Does it still taste good?"
He stopped to think. "Well, keep in mind that it's been an incredibly long time since food was normal fare for me. But the best way to describe it is that the flavors are...muted, somehow. It's like, when you have a cold, you can't smell the food, so it's less appetizing and all tastes sort of the same. Once you're a vampire, your sense of smell is actually enhanced, so you can smell food aromas better than ever. The difference is that no matter how well you can smell them, they don't stir your appetite. That's why vampires really only eat if they're bored or if they're trying to blend in with humans. They can smell and taste the food, but it doesn't satisfy them in any way. Food consumption is only for show among the undead."
"I see," Willow replied. "Thanks for the explanation. You're like a walking vampire reference. So, wanna play Go Fish till Buffy gets back?"
Angel laughed and began dealing the cards.
~Part: 19~
Finally deciding on a baguette for breakfast, Buffy headed down another aisle, grabbing a carton of orange juice.
"Hey, Buffy!" a voice behind her said. Turning, she saw Xander, his arms full of cheesy chips and soda.
"What are you doing here, Xander?" she smiled.
"Oh, I was watching cartoons this morning, had a craving for some quality junk food."
"Yeah? We were watching Indian TV, just like old times."
"Who's we?" he asked. "How come Xander wasn't one of the we? I love Indian TV. Where was I?"
"Calm, boy. I had to go over to Willow's last night, because, well, she had to be invited back into her own house."
"Ouch," Xander muttered.
"Very ouch, but Angel and I fixed up the house so no sunlight can get in, and after she had rested for a little while, we played cards and watched TV. Now, I'm picking up breakfast."
"What have you got?" Xander asked eagerly reaching for the bag over her elbow.
"Not that bag, Xand-" she tried to stop him.
"Eeyugh! Blood in the bag!" A woman standing nearby looked at him oddly, then quickly pushed her cart away.
"I said, not that bag. That bag contains breakfast for the two undead cuties back at my house."
"Right. Well, would they mind if I joined you guys? My schedule's all free, and the thought of people having fun without me is just horrible. I'll even share my chips!" he grinned, shaking a bag in her face.
"That's very generous. I don't think anyone is going to take you up on that offer, but it's a nice sentiment anyway." she grinned. He dropped his sundry purchases in her basket, and they headed for the checkout together.
*****
"Angel? Can I tell you something?" Willow asked, throwing a card at him.
"Of course." A card flew back at her, landing in her lap.
"I can hear their blood. Buffy, Xander, Giles, all of them. I can hear it, and it's really bothering me. I mean, a lot of what I don't like about it is that it's creepy, but what's worse..." she trailed off, looking away.
"What's worse?" Angel prompted, already knowing what she was going to say.
"I like it. It makes me...this is not fun to say...it makes me hungry. I mean, that's a big ew! Like Xander said, vampires are the nasty pointy bitey ones, and the whole blood sucking thing has always been this really disgusting and horrible thing and am I insulting you?"
"No. Go on."
"But now, it's not like that anymore. I have these two voices in my head, Angel. One is just myself, and it tells me how much I love my friends and how much I want to protect them from harm and see them be happy. But now, now there's a new voice, this voice that I hate, whispering in my ear, telling me horrible things to do, looking at my friends as enemies, calling them _prey_. I hate it, and I hate that I'm tempted by it. There has always been temptation in my life, because that's what being human is about. But I'm not even human anymore, and-" she looked at Angel's face, suddenly shaking her head. "And now you're feeling guilty, but I wish you wouldn't. I have to say these things to somebody, and it has to be you, because you're the only one who can possibly understand and not be all freaked out by my saying them."
"I know," Angel's face was hard to read, but it was more because of the actual confusion he was feeling than because he was trying to mask his emotions. "You can tell me anything, Willow. I'll do my best not to distract you with my feelings of responsibility."
"Feelings of responsibility are fine. I like that you feel responsible for me, I just don't like you blaming yourself for any difficulties I might have."
"I'll try to listen in a non-brooding fashion." he joked gently.
"Does it stop, Angel? Or have you been dealing with those thoughts no one wants to know about for all the years that you've known us? Because if you have been, I'm way impressed. I never got any hint that you might want to eat us. Well, excepting of course that non-soul period when you actually did want to eat us."
"Well, I'd like to say that years of experience gave me strength enough to conquer that desire. But, in all honesty, it has been hard. I found myself surrounded by young, healthy teenagers who trusted me. Trust is the worst thing to give a vampire, and you all believed I would never hurt you. I had to work really hard to make sure I never did. It ended up being a moot point, to be sure, what with the curse, and all..."
"Oh, but that wasn't your fault. I blame the gypsies, because no matter how much you may have hurt them, they ended up punishing your soul, and not the demon that committed the crimes." Willow snorted. "Basic logic, hello."
"Revenge isn't logical," he pointed out.
"If you don't stop making sense, I'm going to make you play fifty-two pick-up."
"What's that? I've never heard of it."
With an evil grin on her face, Willow leaned forward. "First you have to gather all the cards..."
*****
Buffy and Xander walked into Willow's foyer just in time to see Angel attack his childe. Looking at each other, they shrugged.
"Fifty-two pick-up, huh?" he growled as he wrestled her to the ground. Willow couldn't do anything but laugh, looking around at the cards that had been scattered all over the room.
"Pretty low, Will," Xander remarked as he set down the grocery bag he had been carrying.
"You, oh, you should have seen his face!" she gasped, pushing Angel off of her. "Priceless!"
"Always has been," Buffy cooed with a sticky sweet smile, ruffling his already haphazard hair.
"You all mock me. That's fine. Just because I didn't know the 'game' was a prank, go ahead, make fun."
"Look at sulky," Willow teased. "I guess it's a step up from broody. Hey, maybe you'll even reach petulant!" Walking over to Xander, she surprised him with a hug.
"To what do I owe the honor of your embrace?" he asked.
"It's good to be alive! Well, no, okay, it's good for you to be alive, it's good for me to exist. There you go. Today is going to be a really good day. I have decided." With a firm nod, she peered into the bags. "Ooh, cheesy chips and blood! What a delightful combination! Geez, couldn't you have used a separate bag?"
"Not with the amount of chips Xander bought," Buffy remarked dryly.
"I'm no expert on food at this point, but how can you call anything that color 'cheesy'?" Angel asked.
"Watch it," Xander warned. "You leave my cheesy chips alone, and I won't comment on your eating habits."
"That are now mine," Willow replied. "Speaking of, you two stay here, Angel and I will use the kitchen."
"Willow you don't have to-" Buffy began.
"No, it's cool. You don't have to pretend it doesn't weird you out. It weirds me out, and I'm the one who has to drink the stuff. We'll be back in a few."
Xander stared at the spot where she had been standing for a long moment after it was empty. Buffy looked up at him, a small smile on her face.
"Good to have her back, huh?"
Xander finally turned to face her, his familiar grin settling in its
regular place. "Oh yeah."
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