Part 1

Willow awoke alone. In her bed. In her room. Fully clothed.

She was disoriented and confused, then the night’s activities slowly bled into her consciousness. Angel! <He must have brought me home.> she thought, turning over onto her back. That’s when she realized what had happened, horror washing over her.

She - Willow Anne Rosenberg - had had sex last night. And not the sweet, loving kind she’d shared with Oz, but the shirt-ripping, back  scratching, screaming kind. And she’d had it with Angelus. Not sweet, caring, broody, Buffy’s exboyfriend, but with his ‘evil twin’,
Angelus.

And she’d liked it. Loved it, even. He’d taken her so many times the night before, that she’d lost count somewhere around the middle of
the night. He hadn’t let her rest, having his fill of her until an hour before dawn, when he’d finally let her collapse into unconsciousness.

Looking at the clock next to her, she realized it was close to sunset.  They were all suppose to meet at Giles’ in a half hour. If she wanted to make it there on time, she would have to leave now. But first, Willow wanted to have a shower, and change. She still had on the blue skirt and top from the day before, but decided to settle for a change of clothes. Moving to get out of bed, Willow realized with horror that she didn’t have on any underwear. Swinging her feet to the floor, two more things made themselves known to the hacker. One, she didn’t have a bra on either, and two, she was sore. Everywhere. It felt like she’d pulled every muscle in her body, most of which she hadn’t even known existed. The two largest areas of pain centered around the area between her thighs, and the other was the base of her neck. The former was obvious, while the latter was due to the bite marks she’d acquired during her ‘night of passion’.

Angelus seemed to want to mark her as his, and had he ever succeeded.

Every fibre of her being called to him. He had imprinted his feel, his taste and his scent on every cell of her body.

Slowly standing, she tried not to wince in pain from the soreness of her muscles, as they cried out in protest at their abuse. Walking to the
closet, she opened the door, seeing herself in the mirror for the first time. Her lips were swollen, her hair was tousled and her eyes were bright, luminous even. She looked like a woman who had just come from her lover’s bed, well loved.

Blushing at that thought, Willow quickly changed, trading in the skirt for underwear and a pair of well-worn jeans, and her top for a bra and a white, sleeveless cotton turtle neck. Her choice of clothes turned out to be appropriate, as they hid the bite marks and bruises left by
Angelus. While she was changing, the red head had caught sight of the various injuries around her hips, thighs and breasts, not to mention
multiple bite marks on her neck, as well as other places.

Angelus hadn’t been the only one to go over the edge the night before, and the deep scratches on his back proved that point. Not to mention
the many hickeys she’d left all over his body.

Looking at the clock, Willow realized that she’d have to run, in order to make it to Giles’ by sunset, but she didn’t think her body could take
that kind of strain. So, throwing on a light blue, button-down shirt, she grabbed her jacket, a couple stakes, a cross and some holy water,
and set off to the former Watcher’s house.

Part 2

“Where is she? I told that girl sunset.” said Giles, pacing back and forth across his living room. He was still peeved with the girl for casting such a dangerous spell without supervision. Not to mention the fact that he’d been blind for several hours.

“Relax, Giles. She’ll be here soon. She probably just overslept.” said Buffy, coming to her friends defense. “She’s been sleeping all day.
Probably for got to set the alarm.”

“Do you think that’s wise? Leaving her to walk here by herself at night?” asked Giles, concerned by Buffy’s apparent lack of concern
for her friend’s safety.

“Calm down, Giles. I left a note, telling her to call here when she woke up, and I’d pick her up on patrol.” replied the blonde Slayer.  “Besides, she needs the rest. I didn’t hear her come in last night, so I don’t know when she went to sleep. But I’m guessing it was late.”

“And this doesn’t bother you? The fact that Willow was out all night until who knows when, doing God knows what?” demanded Xander,
slightly put out by her cavalier attitude towards Willow’s late night.

“Of course I’m worried, Xander. But I wasn’t going to wake he up, just so she could tell me why she’s so tired.” chastised the blonde.
She was just as curious and worried about the red head as Xander, but she wasn’t going to bully her fiend into telling her.

A phone ringing interrupted the two friends.

“See, that’s probably Willow now.” said Buffy, preparing for patrol as Giles went to answer the phone.

Just then, the door opened and the red head who had been on everyone’s mind cane in, shyly looking around the room. <They can tell, I know it. They all know I had raunchy sex with Angelus last night.> thought Willow in panic.

“Willow, didn’t you read my note?” asked Buffy, surprised to see the red head already there. Seeing her friend’s questioning look, Buffy
elaborated. “The note I left on the bedside table? I said to call me when you got up, and I’d come and get you.” explained the blonde.

“Sorry, I must have missed it.” mumbled the red head, not daring to meet any of their eyes, for fear they’d be able to see the truth there.  That she was a big slut. Weeks after Oz had left her, she had spent the night in the arms of their mortal enemy. And it hadn’t been Spike.

“So, Will.” said Xander from beside his girlfriend. “Where were you last night?”

“Last night? What last night? I wasn’t anywhere last night!” blurted out Willow in one long breath, her eyes wide in fright. <They can’t know. They can’t...Ohmygosh! They do. They know I’m a swanky ho!> cried out Willow in her mind.

“Whoah there, girl!” said an amused Slayer. Willow had a secret, and Buffy wanted to know what it was. “Take a deep breath...”  When the
hacker had done as she said, the Slayer smiled, then pounced. “So, is it a guy?”  The blush that coloured her entire face gave everyone in
the room the answer. However, before Buffy could start the third degree, Giles came back into the living room, a disturbed look on his face.

“We may have a problem.” he said, glancing towards the Slayer before continuing. At her questioning look, he explained. “That was Angel...”

<Ohmygosh!! I’m sooo dead!> thought Willow, positive her secret was about to come out.

“It seems he woke up in his car this afternoon, with no memory of the last day and a half.” he said, his brow furrowed in confusion.

“And we should care that Deadboy’s having blackouts because..?” trailed off Xander, his dislike for the souled vampire coming to the fore.

“It’s not the memory lapse that had him worried. It seems that he has some...injuries, which he can’t remember receiving. Scratches and
bruising. He wanted to know if I had heard of any demons, prophecies or some such things occurring. It had his fairly rattled, to say the least.”

“That was Angel?” asked Buffy, her voice quiet and yet loud at the same time. At seeing Giles’ nod, she asked a painful question for her.
“He didn’t want to talk to me?”

“Oh, Buffy. I’m sorry. I didn’t inform him that you were here. I also thing his mind was on the present situation. He _did_ sound fairly
upset over this entire fiasco.” said the older man, trying to comfort his heartbroken Slayer.

“Yeah, you know. Those drunken binges of his always mess with his head.” came Xander’s sarcastic comment.

“Xander!” reprimanded Giles. “That was uncalled for.” Sufficiently chastised, the teenager slumped back into the couch, against his ex-
demon girlfriend.

“Did he ask about me?” wondered Buffy, raising her hopeful eyes to Giles’.

Throughout all this, no one noticed the equally heartbroken witch, who had slumped onto a chair in the corner the instant Giles’ had
informed them of Angel’s memory loss.

The most incredible night of her entire life, and he didn’t even remember it. She didn’t want to examine the reasons why it hurt so much, or why she should care. <It’s a good thing, right? I mean, if he doesn’t remember, then I can’t get into trouble for it. No one will ever know.> she thought, trying to hold back the tears forming behind her eyes. Oz had left her, the one boy to really look at her, and now Angel didn’t remember their one night together. She knew it had been Angelus, but Angel remembered everything else he did as Angelus, so why not this? What made last night so forgettable?

<I couldn’t make Oz stay, and I couldn’t make Angel remember.> Anguish filled her at this thought, feeling a painful tightening in her
chest as a tear escaped and trailed down her cheek.

“Willow?” said a voice, bringing her back to the present. Looking up, she saw the worried face of her best friend.

Thinking of nothing other than escape, Willow jumped up and ran past Xander into Giles’ bathroom, locking the door. Still grasping the
doorknob, she fell forward, her head banging against the door as she allowed the tears to flow freely, sobs wracking her small body. She
could hear bits of the conversation taking place in the living room. ‘Oz’ and ‘broken up’ were heard, as well as ‘give her some time’.

“No joy in Who-ville, pet?” asked Spike from the bathtub, causing the red head to spin in surprise. She’d totally forgotten he was chained to
the tub.

“Spike!”

Part 3

“Spike!” was all she managed to get out before another sob warcked her body.

“What’s got you upset, ducks? Slayer leave a nasty taste in your mouth, too?” he asked, his face contorting in disgust as he remembered the effects of her spell.

“No.” she sighed, walking over to him, stopping a few feet away from him, near the centre of the bathroom.

“You can tell me, pet. Whatever’s got you on this crying jag can’t be so-“ he suddenly stopped mid-sentence s a scent hit him. a very
familiar scent, which was coming from the witch.

Snarling, he shifted into the face of his demon. “I’ll kill him!” he growled, looking her up and down. The way she held herself told him more than any words could have. She stood with her legs braced apart, her entire body very still, trying not to move, as if it would cause her pain. Which was most likely the case. As she took a step back from him, he noticed the stiffness of her movements and growled again. “That bastard!” he said, starting to pull at the chains keeping him in the bathtub.

“Spike? Wha-?” said Willow, startled and slightly frightened by the vampire’s actions, as well as the noises coming from him. then it hit
her. he could smell her. Or more specifically, he could smell Angel. <Angelus.> she corrected herself. They were two different beings, and
she couldn’t delude herself into thinking that Angel thought of her in that way. It had taken a spell for Angelus to notice her, and he was
evil.

“No! It’s not what you think.” she stammered, hoping to calm him down. It seemed to work, as the blonde vampire melted back into his human mask.

“So, the Poof didn’t come here and shag you senseless last night, and them promptly forgets about it?” he asked incredulously.

“No! I mean, Yes! I mean-“ pausing her stilted explanation, she took a deep breath, closing her eyes as she finished her explanation. “It
wasn’t Angel. It was Angelus.”  At saying his name, she looked up, staring right into Spike’s eyes as she said it.

“What?!?!” he yelled, making her jump in surprise. “The prick is back and you didn’t stack hi arse?” he demanded angrily. Though, by the
smell of her, staking Angelus hadn’t been high on her list of ‘things to do next time you come face to face with an evil, soulless vampire you
once called a friend’.

“You don’t understand!” she said impatiently, trying to make him understand. “Angelus was only back for a day, two at the most. He’s back to being Angel.” she explained.

“And Peaches doesn’t remember shagging you senseless, does he?” he asked, already knowing the answer. His vampiric hearing had been
able to pick up the conversation in the other room easily.

“No.” said Willow sadly, sitting down on the edge of the tub dejectedly.

“Willow!!” came the Slayer’s cry from the hallway, accompanied by the pounding of fists. They had all heard Spike’s yell, and thought he
was hurting or attacking the red head in some way. Finding the door locked didn’t put their minds to rest, or even calm them down.  “Willow! Are you okay? Open the door!” shouted the Slayer, not wanting to break the door unless absolutely necessary.

“So away, Buffy. I’m fine.” replied Willow, raising her voice to be heard over the continual pounding on the door.

“Willow-“ began Buffy again, trying to get her best friend out of the bathroom, where their resident ‘not-so-evil’ vampire was chained. But
her pleading was cut short.

“LEAVE!!!” yelled a voice from inside the bathroom. Everyone assumed it was Spike, and decided to leave them alone for awhile.  They reasoned that he was the only one who seemed to be able to truly understand the heartbroken hacker. Plus, they had the shared experience and pain of having a lover leave you.

They would have been shocked if they knew the truth. For inside the small tiled room, were a totally shocked vampire, and an equally shocked and incredibly horrified witch, with two hands slapped over her mouth, in a desperate attempt to stop the word that had already been let loose.

“Well, well, well. Never knew you had it in you, pet.” chuckled Spike.

“Oh, goddess.” moaned Willow, hiding her face in her hands, elbows propped up on her knees. “I’m a bad, bad, BAD, Willow!” she groaned, shaking her head back and forth as she spoke, her hands still covering her face.

“You’re not ‘bad’.!” said Spike, lost as to how to comfort the girl.

“Well, I’m evil. Or possessed. Or something!” she cried out, raising her head from her hands, looking him in the eye. “I mean, did you hear me? I-I-I-“ stuttered the red head, not finding the right word for what she’d done.

“I believe the term is ‘roared’, pet.” added Spike, amusement colouring his voice.

“My life is such a mess.” sobbed Willow, her face going back into her hands, trying to deal with all that had happened recently.

“What bothers you more? That Angel doesn’t remember? Or that you want him to remember?” asked the blonde vampire curiously. “What
does your heart tell you? What does your body and soul say to do?”  he asked her. he wanted her to admit what he knew she was feeling.

“I-I-“ she stuttered again, not willing to put into words her deepest desires. The instant he’d asked, Willow knew the answer. <I want to drag him back to bed, screw the soul out of him, then screw the demon into submission!> she thought, her face turning the colour of her hair.

“Wait a minute! What am I saying? It’s a good thing that Angel doesn’t remember.” said Willow, standing up. Hope began to soar in her chest as reason came back. “No one will ever find out about last night.” she said happily, yet her voice was tinged with sadness. Deep down, she didn’t want to keep it a secret. She wanted to shout it to the world that Angelus was hers. <Angelus! Not Angel!> she thought in horror.

“I know, Red.” reminded Spike.

“But...that’s just because I haven’t had a shower. I mean, all clean and no more evidence, right?” she asked hopefully, looking down at him
from her standing position next to the bathtub. “Right?” asked Willow again, desperately this time, when she got no response from the blonde.

“Luv, there isn’t enough water on this bleedin’ planet to get rid of his scent from you.” said Spike as gently as he could. Seeing her horrified
expression, he took pity on her, and decided to explain.

“You can feel him still, can’t you?” he began. “Every part of you. Every cell in your body is crying out for him, and you don’t know how you can live without him.” He made it sound like a statement, and not the question she would have taken it for. But she answered him anyways.

“Yes.” she whispered, slumping onto her original spot on the edge of the tub, not able to stay standing any longer. “What’s wrong with me?” she asked, lifting pleading eyes to his ice cold blue one. She felt like half her heart was missing. What she felt when Oz left was nothing  compared to the way she felt now.

“The bloody prick.” he muttered quietly, falling back into the bathtub, his eyes shutting. “He marked you. Claimed you as his mate.” he said
loudly. After a moment of silence, he opened his eyes to see the shocked, open-mouthed look on her face.

“You mean...Angel and I...” Willow could barely get the words out. She had a feeling her life had just been shot straight to hell.

“Not the Poof. Angelus marked you. Angelus was the one who claimed you. And Angelus is your mate, not Peaches.” the chained vampire spat out the last word.

“Oh Goddess.” she moaned again. She’d read a bit about vampire mates, but there wasn’t a lot to go on. Most writers tend to kill the vampires, not question them about their social life. But what she had read made her tremble. Her life was now irrevocably tied to Angel’s. <NO! Angelus! There is a difference.> she told herself firmly.

“Angel has his soul. Does that make a difference?” she asked after a moment. “I mean, it’s the same body, isn’t it?” clarified Willow, but she had a feeling she already knew the answer.

“Yeah, it makes a difference, pet.” he said, as if he were unable to believe she’d even asked the question in the first place, and was very annoyed about it. Seeing her tremble, and the dread an panic in her eyes. He softened his reply with an explanation - of sorts. “The smutty Slayer is his soul’s mate. You,” he said, sitting up some and looking directly into her green eyes. “Are his demon’s mate. The part of him that’s the vampire.”

“Is Buffy...?” trailed off Willow, not sure how to ask, or even sure if she _should_ ask. But Spike seemed to know the question and answered it anyways.

“No. She’s not his mate too. The Slayer is Angel’s soul’s one true love, or some rot like that.” he informed her, a disgusted look on his face as he spoke the ‘one true love’ part. “She never was his mate, and never could be.”

“Why?” asked the witch, truly curious about that statement.

“Well, for one, there’s no way on the bloody planet that Angelus would EVER accept the Slayer. Soulboy probably has a hard enough time controlling his impulse to rip her heart out, as it is. If he tried to take her as his mate, his demon would literally rip him apart.” he said casually, as if this conversation were an everyday occurrence, and not the life changing, reality altering one it truly was. “And secondly, could you really see the Slayer going through what you did last night, without some sort of bloody fight, that would end up with one of them dead? I don’t see it happening!”

The last point really hit home for Willow, because he was right. She couldn’t see Buffy doing what she did last night. Her friend was too
in-control, to over-powering, to let someone else take control, even if it was Angel. Angelus had demanded, taken and seduced his way to
her heart, claiming her as his, body and soul, all night long. She didn’t think Buffy could stand to be bitten once, let alone repeatedly. <It must be a natural Slayer reaction.> she thought briefly, her mind whirling with all she had learned.

“So what do I do now?” she asked the vampire after a few moments of thoughtful silence.

“You haven’t got a lot of choices, Red. You can get Angelus back, and be re-united with your mate. Or you can leave Angel blissfully
ignorant in LA, and try to live without your mate.”

“Would it...would it be hard? Living without Angelus, I mean?” she asked tentatively. She felt hollow inside, but if Angelus were to come
back, it would break Buffy’s heart.

“You tell me.” he said, looking at her consideringly. “What do you feel now? The emptiness. Loneliness. The pull to go to LA and bring back your mate. Cause it’s only the beginning. The longer you’re away, the stronger the pull. How long can you stand it?” he asked seriously. He’d never known a pair of mates to willingly separate for long periods of time, but the pull towards each other was painfully strong after a few weeks. Personally, he didn’t expect it to last, but this red headed human kept surprising him.

“I can’t take away his soul just because I need Angelus.” she said quietly and sadly.

Coming to a decision, Willow quickly waved her hand over the chains that kept him tied to the bathtub, unlocking them with magic. Looking
up to the witch abruptly as the chains fell away from his wrists and ankles, Spike asked on of his more intelligent questions.

“What?!”

“You’re free, Spikey.” she said, standing up.

“Why?!” came another of his intelligent, well thought out questions.

“I’ve read a little bit on vampires and their mates. Not much, but enough to understand one concept. Whatever belongs to Angelus, now belongs to me, too. That includes you, Spike.” she told him, confidence edging it’s way into her voice and attitude. “Besides, if you wanted to kill me, you would have done it before now.” added Willow, smiling back at him.

“Well then. Lead the way, mum.” he said, smirking as he waved a had in front of him, motioning for her to head out first.

“Brat.” she said under her breath as she made her way ahead of him, unlocking the bathroom door. Taking a deep breath, she prepared to
face her friends, who were most likely standing on the other side of the door.
 

go on to the sequal Realization

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