TITLE: Pain & Bliss 23/?
AUTHOR: Tisienne Blue
DISCLAIMER: I am not Joss. I have no rights to anyone you know from TV.
RATING: R-ish, I think.
DISTRIBUTION: If I post to you, or I've said yes before, then have at it. Otherwise, MY list!!! (http://tisfic.tripod.com/ )
FEEDBACK: tells me if I should go on with this.
DEDIS: Jeanette, and those who like this one. Thanks!!!
NOTES: this story started at the end of S:5B and S:2A.... after that, it's MY world.

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Part 23
 

Three weeks and they still hadn't managed to make the rat into a girl again. Not that Spike minded hanging about the big old hotel that much, especially with as non-broody as his Sire had become. His eyes twinkled slightly as he watched the enormous pouf chase the smallish redhead across the lobby, and he laughed out loud when the girl somehow managed to elude the much larger vamp yet again. "Way to go, Red!" he called in encouragement, "Make him *work* for it!" His laughter only became more pronounced when Angel growled at him good-natured-ly.

"She doesn't need your help, boy," he snarled, the expression on his face belying the serious tone of voice. He let his features slip to true as he pursued his mate out into the courtyard.

The bleached blond sighed softly, envying his Sire the sunlight... and the little witch. Hell, if he'd known Willow was the one who could make Angelus into his old self, he'd have thrust the two of them together years earlier. He was glad that the formerly guilt-ridden vampire had found some sort of happiness, even if he didn't necessarily think he deserved it. "Not any more than *I* do, anyway," he admitted.

It seemed like everyone around him was entitled to some degree of fulfillment. Everyone but *him*. And it... pissed him off no end. Still, he had to hope that some day he'd fall for a girl who actually cared for *him*, even if that very hope made him feel like a great sodding ponce.

Fred's brow furrowed slightly, even as she stared at the obviously thoughtful blond. She hadn't initially thought Angel's childe to be the introspective sort, but over the last few weeks, she'd come to realize that appearances could be *very* deceiving. She forced herself to smile as she crossed the lobby and sat down on the chair beside what had become-- in *her* mind, anyway-- Spike's couch. "Blood-boy," she greeted, having long since discovered that Spike enjoyed being teased, "You're acting like Angel."

Spike snorted slightly, his scarred brow rising. "Bite your tongue, physics-girl," he said smoothly, leaning forward a bit, "Or better yet... let me do it for you?" He ran the tip of his own tongue over his bottom lip in an obviously over-done fashion, and smirked when she giggled. "Best not let your *demon* see you enjoying my attentions, pet," he added, his smirk becoming a full-blown grin when she blushed. "What?" he demanded teasingly, "Like he's not yours."

He was so... not like his Sire, and even though she'd been aware of that fact from the moment they'd met, it was still a little... startling. Still, it was a *good* thing. "I... He's... We're..." Her attempt at words failed when he chuckled deeply. "I don't know..." she nearly whispered.

"Oh, come *on*!" Spike cried impatiently, "He's so 'yours' he was willing to face off against Angelus for you! If that's not *love*, then I don't know what is!" He meant it, too. The way Lorne had stared down Angelus had been... inspired. And brave, to say the least. He'd watched, expecting the green-skinned thing to cave at any moment, but... The Host had just stood strong and proud, practically demanding that Angelus either accept his interest in the human girl or *kill* him. Oddly enough, the dark-haired vampire had chosen to let the sodding git live. He nodded slowly, forcing his own sorrow away. "Yeah, he loves you, all right. Question is... what are you gonna *do* about it?"

"D-do...? What do I n-need to..."

His eyes rolled, and he sighed despairingly. "Look, pet," he said, taking one of her small, warm hands in his larger, cooler one, "He may be all 'benevolent', but... time's gonna come when he's had enough. If you care for him, then you need to let him know it, and if you don't...? Well, it would be kinder to tell him so now." He almost groaned at the fact that he'd apparently become 'Dear Spike', but... Love had treated him so badly-- had torn him apart and made him bleed both physically and metaphorically-- that he couldn't help himself. "Make a decision, Fred," he told her then, his voice rough, "And stick with it."

It took her a good minute to gather her wits enough to pull her hand from his, but... he was right. Her feelings weren't going to change, and she knew it. No, she'd given herself-- heart and soul-- to the Pylean, and... she owed it to him to tell him so. And if that meant leaving Cordelia's apartment, then so be it. In fact, she realized, the fact that she was thinking of it as *Cordelia's* place should have clued her. Still, she wasn't entirely used to being back in her home dimension, so she could forgive herself that oversight. "You... you're right," she finally admitted, her heart racing at the thought of what she was going to do, "I will."

He smiled sadly as she stood and started for the door. Yet another one of the people he'd come to think of as 'friend' was going to be happy. It was good, but... He sighed again, wishing he could help himself as much as he had the sadly out-of-place girl who'd just left. "Someday," he promised himself, "Soon..."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Love you, baby," he groaned, his fingers grasping at great chunks of her thick red hair as he slammed even deeper into her tight, hot body in the wickedly sensual sunlight of the courtyard. He couldn't seem to get enough of her, and honestly, he hoped that feeling would continue. "Love you so much..."

Just the sensation of his thick, ready cock spearing deep into her tender heat was almost enough. Add in the fact of the bright, yellow glare flowing over their straining, heaving bodies, and she was in heaven. Her hands moved lustfully-- wantonly-- over his skin, pausing for mere moments at his shoulder blades... spine... the small of his back, before finally resting once again on the tense, flexing globes of his ass, and she forced her legs even wider, groaning wildly when the motion allowed him to slip even deeper into her willing core. "Angel...!" she moaned, her wide green eyes locked on his wickedly brown ones.

He was doing his damnedest to hold onto his human seeming, but he had a feeling it was a losing battle. She was just to hot and tight and wet around him. Her hips were rising too perfectly to meet his increasingly desperate thrusts, and when he felt her opening herself even more fully to him, he growled, knowing his restraint was almost at an end. "Will," he snarled, a good bit of whine in the word, "Please!"

Gods, she loved him. More than she'd ever dared to imagine was possible. The fact that he loved her equally was just more than she'd dreamed. But he did, and she knew it. And she'd never even considered the idea that they could be so complete with each other, but it was a fact, and... "Yes!" she cried, "Now!" Her lips pulled back, and she drove her white, even teeth into the pale flesh of his neck, even as his suddenly sharp fangs pierced her own flesh. Her entire body shook, and she screamed against him, carefully drinking him down.

"Never," he was whispering to himself while her thick, rich blood flowed down his throat, "Never before, and never again..." And it was true. There had never been anyone in the entire world like his Mate. She *was* the world. It didn't matter that he'd loved before, or that she had. Didn't matter that he was a demon, and therefore evil by definition. It only mattered that they were together, and completely *right*. She was his destiny; his redemption. Or the soul-y parts of him, anyway. The rest of him didn't give two shits about 'making things up' to the world, but... His Mate cared, and that was enough. He growled softly against her, even as he pulsed his last, sending thick, milky ribbons of seed deep into her throbbing womb. "Love... you..." he sighed, pulling his teeth from her skin and lapping almost delicately at the newly re-opened wound.

"My Angel..." she moaned, her entire body singing from the force of the orgasm he'd dragged from her. "My heart..." Her hands slid back up his spine, and she released one contented sigh. It wouldn't be long before the flagstone became uncomfortable, she knew, but until then... she was going to enjoy the feeling.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

There was nothing left for her to do. She was stuck. She'd suggested 'terminating' the witch's contract, and the senior partner had agreed, but... *now* they changed their minds? Like she had the ability to reverse something like that! And to make matters worse, they wanted her to try gaining the 'trust' of Charles Gunn!

Granted, the allegedly 'good' man had been working for them for some time, but Lilah was fairly sure that she was the *last* one he'd ever trust! She'd tried to kill him-- by association, anyway-- far too many times for *that*. Still, she supposed she had to try. For appearances, if nothing else.

Decision made, Lilah Morgan nodded slightly and thumbed the tab of her intercom. "Get Gunn on the phone," she ordered her assistant. "See if he can be here at ten o'clock tomorrow morning. Tell him..." She frowned a little, still not sure of the wisdom of what she was doing. "Tell him... if he's busy, I can meet him somewhere."

Her finger slid from the button, and she frowned a bit more deeply. For some reason, the handsome black man got under her skin, but... she couldn't let that stop her. She was on the fast-track at Wolfram & Hart. She had a destiny, after all... didn't she...?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

She'd only accepted the key to the club because she'd been afraid that Lorne would go all 'Pylean' on her again if she hadn't. Still, it was liberating to know that he trusted her that much. That he wanted her to be able to come and go at will was... dreamy, and she truly wished that she could have reciprocated, but Cordelia would have had kittens, so...

Still, it was okay, because her Seer friend had hardly batted an eye when she'd realized Fred was packing, and had promised to send the things that wouldn't fit in the one suitcase along later. Cordy'd even wished her luck; told her that Lorne was 'a good one, for a demon'.

Fred smiled happily, cheeks dimpling, as she stepped into the living room of her man's private area behind the steel door, and she set her bag down for a moment as she crossed to the chest by the wall. Its contents had had a major part in moving things to the point they'd reached, and she'd be damned if she wasn't going to take advantage of that fact.

Her fingers trembled slightly as she lifted the lid and began donning the items. First the collar-like necklace, than the armbands, and finally the ghretschnad, which still felt surprisingly right on her head. Her eyes widened enormously when she saw the new box that had been hidden beneath the other jewels, and she opened it, her breath catching at the sight of the three rings she saw. "More of the concubine stuff, I guess," she murmured to herself as she tried them on. Only two fit, though, so she placed the third back in its velvet holder. Lorne had been so good about not touching her lately. She thought he was trying to show her that it wasn't a purely 'physical' thing between them, but... Damn it, she *wanted* the physical! And she was for damned sure going to *get* it.

She trod softly as she crossed the room, and when she reached the bedroom door she paused, taking in the glorious sight of her demon laying placidly against the smooth sheets. "Lorne," she sighed, moving to the bed. It wasn't until he sat up and grabbed the box from her hand that she realized she'd brought the third ring with her, but when he yanked that same box open and slid the remaining ring onto his finger, she knew. Even without the sudden *snapping* sensation, it would have been clear.

"You... set me up?" she said softly, almost unable to believe it, "You did... didn't you?"

He'd heard her coming in; heard her steps, and the sound of something large being set on the floor. He hadn't moved, though. No, he'd laid still, and when he recognized the sounds of his 'hope chest' being opened, he'd found himself almost unable to breathe. After a minute or two, she'd moved on, though, and he'd decided that it really *was* too soon. Until she was standing by his bed, wearing all the trappings that had driven him crazy before, along with the rings. The rings.

He was well aware that she didn't know exactly what they meant, but... there'd be time to explain later, he told himself. He rose quickly, snatching the box from her hand, and slammed the remaining ring onto his own finger, glorying in the sudden sense of... completion... as the bond clicked into place. His eyes locked on her wide brown ones, and he nodded. "I didn't think it would be for a while yet, Freddie, but..." he shrugged, not bothering to hide his satisfaction, "Yeah. I set you up, sweetness..."

His eyes closed in relief and gratitude when she moved closer, her small, rounded knees on the mattress. "And I'm glad," he moaned, unable to think any more when her lips pressed hard against his. Whatever she *thought* it all meant, he was actually looking forward to making it crystal clear to her. He loved her. That was it. And she loved him. Good thing, he told himself, because she was stuck with him now.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Willow nearly giggled when she strolled back into the lobby, mostly from the look on Spike's face. "What?" she demanded, entirely sure that he'd been able to hear her with her Mate, "Jealous?" It was the sudden look of loss in his eyes that made her curse herself. "Oh, Gods... I'm sorry, Spike," she said softly, moving to sit beside him on 'his' couch. She took his hand in hers and swallowed hard when he squeezed back. "It's just..."

Spike grimaced a bit, but leaned into her warm shape nonetheless. "I know, Red," he admitted. "It just seems less immediate to you now. You've got your Mate, and..." He frowned a little when her breath caught, but he could feel what she was thinking, so he shook his head. "That's not what I mean," he went on, "I *know* you miss her, too; it's just..." He shrugged, not entirely sure of how to explain what he was feeling.

"But I don't *seem* to. That's it, isn't it?" Willow demanded. "And my Mate is her ex-boyfriend! You think I did all of this on purpose, don't you?" Her eyes glowed bright green, and her body vibrated as it was suffused with a power she'd never felt before. "Just *say* it!" she insisted.

His own eyes were wide, he knew, but he'd never thought she'd be so very defensive. And she was a witch, after all, so he forced himself to speak calmly. "I'm just saying... it's different for you. You've got Angelus... Angel... And so much has happened for you both since you came here." He shrugged again when he saw she was paying attention, and held her hand tighter. "She was... well, I guess I made her my world, and.."

Willow's eyes grew sad as she reflected on the emotions Spike had displayed for Buffy when they'd all been in Sunnydale, and she finally sighed. "And she didn't want to be," she finished for him. "She didn't want to be the thing that you lived for. I get it."

His frown penetrated to the depths of his being, and he forced himself to meet her eyes while holding even more tightly to her hand. "Why?" he asked, his tone reminiscent of a child's when seeking the reason for no Santa Claus. "Why couldn't she just... let me *love* her?"

She could see the tears he was holding back, and she moaned slightly. Her Mate's childe shouldn't be able to effect her like that, she thought. But then she saw her Mate sneaking past behind the blond, and she nodded, mostly to herself. There were things Spike could talk with her about that he'd *never* speak of with Angel. "Because she was the Slayer and you're a vampire," she said quietly, her heart almost breaking at Spike's pain. "Because you aren't ruled by a *soul*. Because you're 'the Big Bad', and because..." she almost didn't want to say it, but she was being honest, after all, "You're not Angel."

His jaw clenched, and he swallowed hard a few times before responding-- the hesitation almost entirely due to the fact that he was processing the redhead's words, which were surprisingly similar to the things he'd told himself repeatedly. But she'd asked him to look after her sister. Of course, she'd also brought both Dawn and Joyce to his crypt, way back when. "It was 'cause I'm strong, wasn't it?" he said softly, not looking at the girl who belonged to his Sire. "She never cared at all, did she?"

Willow smiled just a bit, and pulled the bleached blond into a hug. "Of course she cared," she told him solemnly. "She cared, and she asked you to look after Dawn because she knew how seriously you take your promises." Her heart truly went out to the poor, shattered-by-love vampire, and she sighed again. "But you're eternal, Spike," she continued, pulling back from his arms. "You'll love again."

The blond nodded, hating to admit the reality of the girl's words, but well aware of their truth. "Should have found myself a *witch*," he said softly, "One like *you*. So what's up with rat-girl?"

The redhead grinned at the change of subject before a sly, considering look entered her eyes. She'd been telling Spike about Amy for weeks. Maybe he was starting to think of the blonde witch as something other than a curiosity??? She hoped so, because... now that she thought about it, Spike would be the perfect foil for the girl... Unless Amy's time as a rodent had changed her, but there was no way of knowing *that* until the rat became human once more. Maybe, she thought... maybe...

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