SERIES: Phases ( #5)

AUTHOR: Tisienne Blue

E-MAIL: tisatko@msn.com

DISCLAIMER: Joss is God... I am not, and so I own no one...

RATING: PG-13-ish, I think...

PAIRINGS: A/W/S, now...

DISTRIBUTION: Charity, and anyone else I've said yes to... otherwise, just ask me...

FEEDBACK: makes me a happy Tis... and gets you a dedication...*G*

DEDICATIONS: George, for being George... even if it wasn't for long enough... also:Nutmeg, Natty, Ali, Isis, Kitti, Noreen, and Suse... thanks, luvs... and to CO...*teehee*

NOTES: starts the morning after 'And So...', and * *= emphasis...

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Spike fidgeted impatiently on the couch as his Sire clattered about in the kitchen. "Come *on*, Angel!" he finally demanded, unwilling to wait any longer.

The tall, dark haired vampire chuckled softly from the kitchen doorway, amused by the blond's inability to sit still for more than a minute. "All right, Spike," he said, still laughing, as he walked over to the couch and handed his childe one of the mugs of blood he was carrying. He sat down and silently sipped at his own.

"You *promised*!" Spike reminded him, setting the blood, untouched, on the floor beside him.

Angel sighed deeply and finished drinking before turning to meet his childe's eyes. "Yes. I did." He slowly shook his head. "Fine. What do you want to know first?"

"All of it, you bloody prick!" The blond rolled his eyes... trust Angel to drag things out as long as possible... bloody poof was probably hoping Red would wake up so he wouldn't have to explain anything at all! "Just start at the bleedin' beginning, and go on 'til you reach the end, you sodding bastard!"

The older vampire almost laughed aloud at his childe's attitude... it was one of the things that he'd both loved and hated when he was still Angelus. "Fine." he said again, taking a moment to order his thoughts. "You wanted to know why you had to Sire her, but to understand that, I have to explain about the spell first... It's not a curse, or at least, the form of it that *I* used isn't... not when it's cast before the soul actually leaves the body, anyway." He smiled slightly at the surprise in Spike's blue eyes. "It... basically, it caught her soul before it could flee, and attached it to her, permanently. Her demon is still there, but it's subordinate to the soul."

"Why subordinate?" Spike wanted to know. "I mean, if she has both a demon *and* a soul, shouldn't they have to fight each other for control?"

"Yes, and no..." Angel sighed. "If this had been done to you or me, we probably would have had a hell of a fight on our hands, but... *think* about it, Spike... Willow's is the purest, kindest soul I've ever encountered..." He trailed off when he saw his childe nodding.

"Yeah," Spike murmured, mostly to himself, "Her demon wouldn't have stood a chance..." He found himself smiling happily, and reached down for the mug he'd ignored earlier. "So, why *me* then? Why was it so important that she be *my* childe?"

"One of us had to cast the spell, Spike," he reminded the boy, tying not to sound condescending, "And... she chose you over me when she walked away from me the other day... I didn't figure she'd want *me* for her Sire... any more than you do." He closed his eyes tightly, trying hard not to think too much about it... once she was awake, and he knew that she was all right, he would leave, and they would be happy...

Spike stared at the dark haired vampire, unable to believe what he was hearing. "Wha... what are you talking about, mate?"

Angel sighed, running the fingers of one large hand through the short spikes of his hair. "You said it yourself, Spike... I'm no Angelus." He opened his eyes and rested his head along the top of the couch, staring at the ceiling. "I know what you think of me... and you're right. I *am* weak, and I'm *not* a proper vampire... But I can't be anything other than what I am, and I don't really want to. No," he finished, unable to bring himself to look at his childe, "I'm an embarrassment to you, and that's yet *another* reason for having you Sire Willow... As my childe, she would be ostracized by our own, *her* own kind, but as yours..." His eyes finally flew to his childe when the blonde began to laugh. "What?" he almost growled.

"Oh, *Peaches*!" the blond gasped out between great gusts of laughter, "You're *really* out of touch, aren't you?" He glanced at the older man, laughing even harder at the confusion he saw in his dark brown eyes. "Don't you *get* it?" he finally said, when he'd finally managed to regain some control, "*Soldier-boy* put a *chip* in my head! I can't even *hit* a human, much less *feed* on one... but I *can* hurt demons, so..." He smirked, a bit sadly, as he saw the light of understanding dawn in his Sire's eyes.

"So either way..." Angel muttered, "She's..."

"Screwed." the blond finished for him. "If she was your childe, they'd hate her because of you being all soul-having... But as *mine*, she's the childe of a traitor." He shook his head almost angrily. "And once you add in the fact that she's souled, herself now, and permanently, at that..."

Angel slouched forward, his elbows coming to rest on his knees as he buried his face in his hands. "Oh, God, Spike... what have we done? We took her and made her into something with no place in the world! She can't really be a vampire, but she's definitely not *human* anymore... Hell!"

Spike rolled his eyes and snorted at his Sire's theatrics. "Oh, well, why don't you just have yourself a good long brood about it then? "Cause that's *sure* to help."

"What do you recommend, then, boy?" the dark haired vampire said, face still in his hands. "Where can she go where she won't be treated like a... misfit at best?"

The blond actually had an answer for that, but he needed to know something first. "What did you mean? Last night, when you said that you love her more because I do?"

Angel sighed deeply... trust the blond to remember that! He was truly tempted to deny ever saying anything of the kind, but... he *had* promised answers, and he *kept* his promises. He'd keep this one, too, even if it got him laughed at. He lifted his head from his hands and met his childe's eyes.

"I meant exactly what I said, Spike. I..." He sighed, shaking his head before trying again. "I did a lot of terrible things when I was Angelus... things I regret more than you could ever know. But there's one thing that I've *never* been sorry for, and that was... making you." He pushed himself up from the couch and began to pace through the mostly empty room. "While I was still Angelus, I gloried in you... in your viciousness, your love of playing with your victims before you drained them, in every little thing that you ever did to bring heartache and pain to the mortals you chose... And then I got my soul back, and I... hated those things about you, but... I didn't hate *you*, and I still never regretted Siring you. I regretted leaving you with Druscilla and Darla, regretted the fact that gaining my soul lost me your companionship, even regretted the soul itself a few times." He sighed again, stopping his nervous movement and meeting his childe's wide-eyed stare. "I missed you, William..." He pulled his eyes away from the blond's. "And I still do..." he murmured, mostly to himself.

"But to answer your question," he continued in a stronger voice, "I love Willow. More than I ever thought I could love *anyone*... and seeing the brightness, the light in you that she caused, regardless of how she might feel, well, I love her even more than I did before... because you love her... she made *you* fall in love with her, and she was a mortal at the time... she gave you back some of that joy you used to carry around with you in abundance." He glanced once more at the blond, quickly. "And *that's* what I meant, Spike."

Spike knew his eyes were wide with shock. He knew that if his heart were still able to beat, it would've been racing a mile a minute... Angel had never regretted him?... never hated him?... had *missed* him? He wasn't sure of what he'd been expecting to hear, but it definitely wasn't what his Sire had just said! He was almost angry at the poof for not telling him before... so much hatred and anger and despair could have been avoided if he'd just said something years ago. He sighed, not having any idea of what to say to the older man, and he sat there, silently for a while, feeling the weight of his Sire's stare. "So..." he finally said, breaking the uncomfortable silence, "What happens now?"

Angel shook his head. "I don't know, Spike... she chose you, and that hasn't changed, so I think... once I'm sure that she's all right, I'm going to go... back to LA." He held up a hand, silencing the blond when he would have spoken. "I'm sorry, but... I just can't stay here. I can't stick around, day after day, watching the two of you together! I *can't*! And I won't. You said it yourself, Spike, she can feel me when I'm near, and it throws her." He sighed deeply, sitting back down on the couch. "I'm not going to hurt her again. Not ever."

He waited then, knowing that his childe would have some sort of a comment to make. He never found out what it would have been, though, because just then they both heard slight sounds of movement coming from the next room.

Spike was off of the couch and in the bedroom before he even knew he'd moved. He sat down on the edge of the bed, taking one of the redhead's cool hands in his own. "Willow?" he murmured softly, rubbing his thumb gently across the back of her hand, "Willow?... Love?" He smiled relievedly when her eyes opened and he saw the girl he knew within them. "How are you feeling, love?" he coaxed, wondering why she hadn't spoken yet.

The redhead stared up into his blue eyes, confused for a moment. "What... how... Spike," she whispered, "I'm supposed to be dead... why aren't I *dead*?" She sat up quickly, noticing how much clearer the sounds were, and... that she heard no heartbeats. "Spike." she said flatly, her voice much stronger now, "What did you do! Why?" She pulled her hand from his and jumped up from the bed. "I'm supposed to be *dead*!" she shouted at him angrily, the emotion pulling her demon to the fore. "Damn it, Spike!" she cried out loudly, "You had no *right*!" She glared at him for less than a moment before turning away and running out the bedroom door.

Or at least she *tried* to run through the door. She only made it about half way before she collided with a large, solid body, and suddenly found herself staring up from the floor into the sad but furious eyes of Angel.

Angel glared down at the redhead, noticing just how beautiful she was in her true face. But he couldn't let that distract him... not now. He leaned down and pulled the girl to her feet, his fingers digging bruisingly into her upper arms. "What in the *hell*," he demanded as he started shaking her, "Did you think you were doing?" He was getting more and more irate about what she'd done, now that he knew she was all right. "Are you insane?" He shook her some more. "You come into my *house*, and you try to *kill* yourself in my *living* *room*?" He turned, pressing her hard against the wall. "If you wanted me out of your life that badly, you just needed to say so! You're just damned lucky we found you when we did, or... or... I don't know the 'or', but you would have been in serious trouble, young lady!" He grimaced then, realizing that as threats went, that really wasn't one.

Willow stared, shocked, into the eyes of the man she loved. "I... I thought you were dead..." she stammered out before emotion overwhelmed her and she burst into tears, slipping from his suddenly loosened grasp and falling into a heap on the floor.

The dark haired vampire exchanged a quick glance with his blond childe before they turned their eyes back to the sobbing redhead on the floor, the same thought running through both of their minds.... WHAT?!...

End.

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