Rating - NC-17
Pairings - Major pairings: Angelus/William, Angelus/Darla, William/Darla. Minor pairings are various combinations of those six.
Keywords/Warnings: Found in some but not all chapters: Het and Slash Smut, Violence, Bloodplay, Torture, Rape. As you see by the pairings, I'm firmly of the opinion that as vampires, Angelus and William would have had a physical (sexual) relationship. If you don't agree, don't read this series.
Summary: This is my take on William's past, starting with being turned by Angelus, in 1880. I try to stick as close as possible to the timeline as given us by Joss Whedon where possible, but most of this is all my ideas, my attempts to "fill-in-the-blanks."
Dedications: To CrazyEvilDru, my beta and my favorite Buffy-Fic author in this world. She got me into writing smut, and then encouraged me in my first attempt at writing m/m smut, the first story of this series.
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The next evening, Angelus went to William's room. He found the boy still in bed, in the clothes he'd been wearing. There was an empty wine bottle on the floor, which gave him a good idea of how Will had spent the rest of the previous evening.
He felt a moment's sadness before he pushed it away. No need for that. He'd make things better for both of them. He walked over and gazed down at his childe. The scars he could see on his neck and face were fading, there would soon be no reminders of that night. No physical reminders, anyway.
He knew Will was awake. He sat on the bed and noticed the younger vampire's flinch. "Do you feel up to hunting tonight?" he asked. That got the boy's attention; he opened his eyes and looked at Angelus with obvious interest. "Of course you *would* have to tolerate my company for a few hours," he added. He wasn't surprised at the glare he received. He shrugged. "Fine then, you'll spend another evening here alone trying to find ways to keep yourself amused," he said and stood, turning to go.
Spike sighed, "Wait." He *was* feeling rather sick of being cooped up inside. But was he bored enough to actually spend time with his sire? He looked up Angelus, who had turned to look at him again, and was surprised to see an oddly familiar tenderness in the older vampire's expression.
*Bloody hell, I'm so hungover I'm imagining things.* He frowned and looked away again. He sat up and took stock of his physical condition. A few aches and pains, but it had been over a week since the torture. Perhaps a hunt would be fun. He could just ignore Angelus. Right?
He looked at his sire again and sighed. *Yeah, right.* "I'll go with ya," he agreed, though. Angelus' smile in response almost made *him* smile but he caught himself in time. *Losing my bloody mind, if I'm gonna fall for the 'wolf in sheep's clothing' game again.*
"Good," Angelus nodded. He smiled at the confused look the boy sent him. Will was already noticing a new approach and was suspicious. He most likely thought this was another game. It wasn't, though. Not really. Angelus had simply decided to ignore the urge to beat the boy into submission and instead try to reach the part of him that still cared. It wasn't a new tactic with Will, although it would be a more difficult thing to accomplish now, since there were more reasons for William not to trust him this time around. But he would just take his time, convince the boy that he could trust him, that he wasn't playing mind-games. Because he wasn't. Even though William had irritated the hell out of Angelus in the recent past, he *was* fond of his childe, nevertheless. He'd simply make Will see that.
"Be ready in an hour," Angelus said. William looked up at him again and nodded. Angelus had to resist the urge to run his hand through his childe's tousled hair, before he left the room.
To say Spike was puzzled by Angelus' current mood would have been an understatement. Angelus had gone from being irritatingly single-minded last night to... what? He shook his head, and decided *not* to think about it. He wasn't going to let his sire get to him. Whatever game he was playing now, it was still a game. With Angelus, *everything* was a game.
***************
An hour later
Spike looked at his sire again and found the older vampire gazing back at him. Again. Angelus had been acting like... *Just stop bloody thinking about him.* He tried to convince himself. They were walking down the street, just about a mile from their house and Spike was getting more and more hungry. And it wasn't just a hunger for blood, but for the enjoyment of a good kill. Granted, he'd have to do it Angelus' way, but that was all right with him. It was preferable to feeding off the unconscious humans their minions had been giving him lately.
They were nearing one of the busier theatre districts and Spike paused for a moment, surveying the possible prey. He leaned back against a wall of the shop and tried to ignore the fact that Angelus' eyes were on him again. *Bloody hell. I liked it better when he was being aggressive. At least then, I could push him away. Now.... well, it would sound kinda funny if I demanded that he stop looking at me.* He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.
Angelus was enjoying the evening so far. He could feel the tension emanating from his childe and was glad he was getting to the boy. He hadn't even touched Will yet, although he ached to do just that. He wanted to run a hand through the silky hair, or slide his fingers over that soft skin, or.... He sighed and ignored those thoughts. For now, he would content himself with merely admiring the beauty that he *would* be touching, soon enough.
At least there was no anger in Will's eyes anymore. That was a step in the right direction. There was distrust regarding Angelus' sudden change in mood, but that was all right. Let the boy be confused for a while. He'd come to understand everything, sooner or later.
Angelus leaned his shoulder against the wall and watched Will as the younger vampire scanned the theater-goers. Will bit his lower lip, an action that Angelus recognized as one of nervousness. *Is he nervous about the impending kill? Or about my motives?* He contemplated suckling that lower lip into his own mouth, as one way to answer *that* question. Just the thought made his cock begin to harden. He tried to push those thoughts away. There would be plenty of time for that later.
Spike watched as a shapely blonde woman with fair skin and eyes walked by, her companion a man with light brown hair. Spike followed them a few paces back and Angelus fell into step next to him. He didn't really know why these two had caught his eye, they just had. Maybe it was the fact that the man was so scrawny he didn't look like he'd be difficult to overpower. Or perhaps it was that the blonde reminded him of Darla. He smiled at that. He wouldn't be admitting *that* motive to Angelus anytime soon.
The two vampires followed the humans into a residential district that was much less crowded. After walking another block, the four were the only ones on the street as far as the eye could see. It was time to play. "Which one do you want, Will?" Angelus asked in tones so low only the boy would hear.
"The girl," Spike replied, and then cleared his throat. "'Ello." The two turned, slightly nervous but not afraid yet. That would change soon. Angelus had gone... but Spike knew he'd pop up when needed. "Don't s'pose either of you know the way to ..." Spike shrugged. "Oh, hell," he said, as he patted his pockets, as if looking for something. "Would you belive I've forgotten the name of the street?"
"Um...well...There's a restaurant down the street, that way... They could help you, but I'm afraid I can't. We're late for dinner," the man replied, putting himself between Spike and the woman.
"Are you?" Spike wondered. "Doesn't matter; you're never gonna get there." He watched the man's expression turn from confusion to anger. But before he could say anything in response, Spike slipped into game face, rendering the human silent again.
The woman screamed, before Angelus got his hand over her mouth, and the man turned to defend her. That was a mistake, since it gave Spike the opportunity to knock him to the ground. Angelus threw the woman at him, and then grabbed the man by the neck. Then the vampirees dragged the two humans into the darkness between two of the houses as they fed.
Spike held the struggling woman and savored the taste of her blood, tinged with fear. That was part of the enjoyment of a good kill: the moment of realization that dawned on the victim, right before you sank your fangs into their jugular vein. He drank greedily and soon the girl was limp in his arms. A few more minutes and Spike watched her fall to the ground, drained.
The other part of a good kill that he'd forgotten about was how it aroused him. This feeling made him think back to other nights, which had ended with he and Angelus in his bed, relieving that build-up of sexual energy. He bit his lip to suppress a moan as he caught the scent of his sire's arousal as well. He turned his back to Angelus and walked back toward the street. He wasn't interested in falling back into those old habits.
Angelus watched his boy feed, growing harder at that image than by own feeding. He knew, by the way Will avoided his eyes as he walked back to the street, that he was trying to ignore his desire. Not just any desire, but the desire to be with Angelus. He smiled. *We'll just see how long you can resist.* He walked out to the street and said, "Come on, Will. Let's go to the bar down the street and see if we can find any decent-looking whores to play with."
Spike looked up in surprise. Angelus wasn't even gonna try to get him back home and into his bed? He wasn't sure if he was more relieved by that or disappointed. He nodded however and followed Angelus down the street.
Half a block later, Angelus stopped William with a hand on his arm. "Wait," he said, looking around. The streets were empty, but he knew they were being watched.
"Why?" Will asked, looking around. He could tell Angelus was worried about something, but he didn't sense anyone nearby. "Come on," he urged, pulling his arm away and starting toward the bar again.
"Will, I *said*--"
Angelus' words were cut off by the sudden attack. A girl, seeming to come out of nowhere, ran at them. She jumped William, from behind. Before Angelus could react, she'd staked the younger vampire, making him scream in pain.
Angelus saw red and flew at the girl with a roar, knocking her to the ground. They wrestled for a few moments, punching each other as they rolled around on the ground. Angelus proved to be the stronger of the two, however, and soon had her pinned. He was still in a rage, and rather than drawing out the kill, snapped her neck the moment he had the advantage.
He sat there for a moment, staring at the corpse of the dead slayer. He wished that he could bring the slayer back to life and torture her for hours for what she'd done. He couldn't bring himself to look over at the pile of dust he knew would be just a few feet away. He'd *known* she was there. He should have felt her coming at them. He should have stopped her from...
"What the bloody hell was that?"
Angelus looked up slowly, not trusting his ears. Then he couldn't believe his eyes. His childe was lying on the street, bleeding but not destroyed. The slayer's stake had missed his heart. Feeling like he was moving in slow motion, he crawled over to his boy and gathered him into his arms. Once he realized it wasn't an illusion, he was overcome with relief and happiness. He hadn't lost his William forever. He still had the chance to make things right again.
Spike was about to protest when he felt it. His sire was actually trembling, as if he'd been afraid he'd lost him. He tried to deny that thought, but it refused to go away. It was strengthened, in fact, by the way Angelus was holding him so tightly. And for the first time since the torture, he felt something else: the knowledge that he *was* safe and protected in his sire's arms. And he also felt how much Angelus wanted and needed him, something he'd wanted to feel for quite some time. And he just couldn't bring himself to pull away and lose that feeling.
Angelus could only think of how close he'd come to losing his childe. He didn't speak, because he didn't trust his voice. The last five minutes had affected him in a powerful way and he was still trying to process his emotions. The blood seeping from William's wound brought him back to reality, however, and he jumped to his feet, pulling his boy with him. "Let's get you home and see to that injury," he said.
Spike looked up at his sire and was struck by the expression in the other man's face. Fear, guilt, worry and something else. Something that he'd tried to deny since that night. He shook his head, trying to remind himself that this was the *same* Angelus who had brutally raped him. Still, that knowledge didn't change the reality of what had happened. His sire had attacked that girl with a fury that had shocked him. He'd *never* seen anything like that turned on him and hoped he never would. And then, the expression on Angelus' face when he'd realized Spike wasn't dead had revealed an emotion he'd only seen a few times, when Angelus was being completely unguarded with his feelings. Usually it was when they laid together in bed, completely sated after hours of pleasure, laughing and talking until they finally fell asleep. In those moments of contentment, Angelus had been happy. Tonight, Spike had seen that expression again. Only briefly, but he couldn't deny it. And now he wondered if tonight he hadn't seen a rare glimpse of the *real* Angelus.
*********
They returned home finally, after walking there in silence. Angelus had kept an arm around Will's waist and the younger vampire hadn't tried to push him away. He looked down at his boy again, relieved again to see he was truly still there. He saw confusion in his childe's eyes, as he had on several occasions during their walk. He knew the cause was most likely his reaction to discovering William was still alive.
*Perhaps this is actually a blessing in disguise* Angelus considered. *If it helped him to see that I'm not lying about being fond of him, not wanting to see him hurt... then maybe it's exactly what we needed to break down that wall he put up between us. Only time will tell.*
He helped William inside and to the living room. Still no words passed between them. Angelus wasn't bothered by the silence, though. For once it wasn't caused by Will's sullenness or stubbornness, only his uncertainty. And that was something he meant to remedy as soon as he treated his childe's wound.
Will was still bleeding, so Angelus helped him sit on the floor. He didn't want to get blood on Darla's favorite couch. He sat down next to the boy, but Will avoided meeting his eyes. "That was a slayer, by the way," Angelus said.
Spike looked up at him. "That explains why she was following us, I guess." Angelus hadn't told him anything about slayers that day in the mine shaft, other than they existed. His sire had brushed off his questions, too irritated with him to explain further. But Spike had managed to get bits and pieces of information from Dru, enough to know that the slayers hunted demons. But he'd wanted to know more, and had intended to ask Angelus when his sire wasn't so angry with him. But then everything had gone horribly wrong... and he'd forgotten all about his curiosity about the matter.
"It does," Angelus agreed with a sigh. He felt guilty for not dealing with this lesson much earlier. But events had kind of distracted him from the issue. Well, now was as good a time as any to remedy his oversight.
First things first, however.
He pointed at William's shirt, which was quickly becoming soaked with blood. "Take it off. I'll get some water and bandages." He didn't miss Will's surprise that Angelus was going to treat his wound. Usually that was a task delegated to the servants. But not this time. "I should've stopped her before she got within ten feet of you," he said quietly, before he stood and left.
Spike stared after him. Angelus felt guilty for what had happened? He was starting to be quite certain that he was dreaming all of the previous couple of hours. But if he was, he didn't want to wake up. He wanted, so desperately, to believe that it was real. He couldn't make himself forget what Angelus had done to him at Darla's command; but now, after he'd seen how his near-destruction had affected his sire, he could almost make himself believe everything Angelus had been saying for days. He regretted what Darla had done. He wished he'd been able to stop it. He'd only been following orders that night, not having any other choice.
"This can't all be a game," he reasoned. "He's not that good of an actor. Nobody is. I *saw* the mindless rage when he went at that slayer. I *saw* the fear, right before he realized I was okay. I *saw*..." He trailed off as he sensed Angelus approach. He remembered his shirt, and managed to get it off, even though the action caused his wound to protest.
Angelus returned with a bowl of warm, soapy water and a few rags. He stopped when he saw his childe, the blood seeping from the nasty wound to his chest. Just the smallest fraction of an inch to the right... Angelus shook that thought away and walked over to the boy. Will was all right, and he'd be completely healed in just a few hours.
He sat down behind his childe, took one of the cloths and started to clean the wound. The boy hissed in pain and Angelus winced, but continued. He couldn't help noticing the other bruises and scars on his childe's back, remnants of the "punishment" and felt a pang of regret.
He pushed it away almost immediately and started to talk about a subject he knew his childe was interested in. "So, do you want to know about the slayer?" Will nodded and he said, "All right, then. That was one. I felt her presence, but I wasn't paying close enough attention to..." He shook his head. The boy was probably not interested in apologies. "They're trained to kill demons. Vampires, specifically. They've got supernatural strength, but the younger ones aren't too difficult to kill.
"And since they are human, it is possible to kill them. But the wise demons don't make a practice of going after slayers. It's pointless, really, since there's always a new one immediately after the previous one has died."
Angelus had finished cleaning the wound on Will's back by this point, so he paused to bandage it, carefully. He was surprised, but relieved, that Will wasn't pushing him away. He knew however that was most likely only because he was telling him about something he'd wanted to know for quite some time. But he'd take his closeness with his childe however he could get it. As he finished bandaging the injury, his eyes were drawn to the other scars on Will's back. "I hate that she marred your beautiful skin." He didn't realize he'd said it out loud until his childe turned to look at him. He hoped Will thought he was referring to the slayer.
Spike knew that Angelus' words had referred to Darla. And for the first time he actually believed him. *You're insane. It's all a trick!* A little voice in the back of his head insisted, but he ignored it. He knew instinctively that it *wasn't* a game. Maybe it was the fact that Darla was gone, maybe it was the reality of what had nearly happened with the slayer. But whatever the reasons, Angelus was showing the side of him that had won over a lonely man, months ago, in an alley in London.
Spike also knew he was seriously in danger of getting hurt, again, but he couldn't bring himself to stop it from happening. "Not your fault," he said as he turned and leaned back against Angelus' chest. He meant it not just in reference to the slayer, but Darla as well. He hated the sire/childe rules, but he couldn't deny them. His sire was bound by tradition and therefore he'd obeyed his sire.
He felt Angelus stiffen as he leaned back against him. *Yeah, he's not the only one who's surprised,* he thought. He could hardly believe he felt so safe, so right, this close to the vampire who'd overseen and participated in countless hours of torturing him. But he knew, the moment that Angelus wrapped his arms tentatively around his waist, that he *was* safe.
Darla was the one deserving of his hatred. She had caused all his pain. He just didn't understand *why* she'd done it.
"Ow!" He protested when Angelus started cleaning the wound on his chest. He tilted his head up so he could his sire's face and saw the apologetic expression there. And that something else from before, the one he'd so far refused. He frowned and tried to tell himself he was imagining things, but he couldn't. It was *there*; it was undeniable. The intensity of the attack on the slayer, the happiness on his face when he realized Spike was alive, the infuriating refusal to just leave him the hell alone after his punishment... *all* of those things pointed to something he just couldn't deny. As strange as it was, Angelus ... cared.
He looked away again as he contemplated this belief. Angelus cared about him. It didn't make sense... but it did. In an instant, he understood Darla's motivations for the long hours of agony inflicted on him, and why she'd forced Angelus to participate as well. Angelus *cared* about him, and had for a while now. Darla had come to that same conclusion, and had devised a plan to remedy the situation.
All this time he'd thought *Angelus* had been the one who'd shown his true colors, when it had been Darla who'd revealed *her* true nature. He had just felt so much anger and betrayal that he hadn't been able to think about that night rationally. But now, enough time had passed that he could. And the fact of the matter is the events of that night, the pain and the humiliation he'd suffered had been unlike anything Angelus had inflicted on him before. True, there had been times before that when Angelus had been angry enough with him to punish him, but to be fair, Spike had deserved those punishments. He'd enjoyed testing the rules, seeing how far he could push the older vampire. And until that horrible night, Angelus had never truly hurt him, not to the extent that he could have. Even when he'd forced himself on Spike, he'd always made him enjoy it, so he couldn't hate Angelus afterward.
But that night, Spike hadn't enjoyed it, and Angelus hadn't tried to make him enjoy it, either. All because of Darla. She'd ordered Angelus to 'take him and make him hate every second of it'. Spike remembered that now.
It was a very good thing that Darla was hundreds of miles away.
Angelus was shocked when William relaxed against him, so trustingly. But he didn't question the response or react too quickly to it. He just continued to clean the boy's wound, ignoring his muttered protest.
When Will tilted his head to look up at him, Angelus looked into the boy's blue eyes and saw the question there. He had the sudden urge to kiss the younger vampire in response, but somehow stopped himself from doing that. He remembered his earlier resolve to show the boy that he could still be patient, to prove that he *was* still fond of Will. To let his childe come to him on his own time.
Will looked away again and Angelus finished bathing and bandaging his chest wound. The boy was quiet, obviously trying to work something out in his head. Since he wasn't trying to get away, Angelus let him be. He had his childe in his arms, and for now, that was more than enough. He'd wait for Will to speak and until then, he'd just keep him close.
Spike was quickly putting the rest of the missing pieces together. Darla had been jealous of the bond between Angelus and Spike, so she'd done the one thing she'd known would cause Spike to push Angelus away forever. *She* had ordered the rapes, after all. And when he thought about his previous belief that Angelus had enjoyed himself, he knew that didn't make sense. Since then, his sire hadn't tried *once* to force him to have sex, not even when he'd been willing to let Angelus have him.
No, it was so clear that horrible night had been all Darla's doing. She'd wanted to make Spike hate Angelus so she could have Angelus all to herself. And so far, she'd gotten exactly what she wanted. He couldn't believe he hadn't figured this all out earlier. *Bloody hell. If I could get my hands on her....* Spike sighed. He knew he wouldn't be able to go after Darla. She was stronger; she'd proven that already. But he could do something else to get back at her. He could refuse to let her win. He could give in to his desire for Angelus and ruin all her plans.
He shook his head and pulled away. He couldn't. There were some things a person just didn't get over. Darla had won and there was no avoiding that fact.
When Angelus let him go, he felt a moment's regret. He wanted to fall back into the older vampire's arms and stay there. *Damn it. Is that what I really want?* he wondered.
He immediately knew the answer: Yes. As sick as it was, he wanted - no, needed - his sire. He needed them to go back to the way they'd been before Darla had tried to destroy them.
Angelus could almost *hear* Will's internal debate, and wished the boy would talk to him. That was something else he had missed about his childe: the way they'd been able to talk to each other so easily. Will had seemed to want to know everything about Angelus. Many nights were spent together, after both were satisfied from hours of sex, in which Will would press Angelus for stories about where he'd been, things he'd done, before Will had known him. And then he'd lie there eagerly listening to every word. And sometimes, Angelus would get William to speak of his life as a human. But these moments were rare, and Angelus didn't push too hard for those pieces of information. He knew without needing to ask that Will had few happy memories to recount, and he didn't want the boy to recall the unhappy ones.
All in all, Will had been far better company than Darla had ever been. Darla had never had much interest in anything Angelus had to say. She enjoyed to talk, yes, but mostly about herself.
So it was no wonder that Angelus preferred being with his childe to being with his sire. And when he'd lost his boy's trust, it wasn't just the enjoyable sex that was gone. It was the companionship.
When William pulled away, Angelus could sense his agitation. He let him go but was surprised when the boy get up to leave. He just sat there, staring at nothing. Angelus understood that he was having trouble putting the wall up between them again, and he had every intention of making it even harder for his childe to do that. "Look at me," he requested softly.
Spike looked over at Angelus, hesitantly. His sire moved closer and ran a hand through his hair locks, gently. "Don't push me away again, Will," he said. "Not now. When that slayer jumped you, I thought....I thought you were gone. And all I could think was that you'd never understand how much I regret --"
"I do understand," Spike interrupted him.
"What?" Angelus looked at him, the confusion clear in his eyes.
"I understand now," Spike replied. "Finally. That ... sire of yours, she knew. She knew that you'd obey her, even if you didn't want to. And she knew that I'd push you away because of it, and... and try to hate you."
Angelus was overcome with relief. And then his boy's final words registered. Will had *tried* to hate him, but he hadn't succeeded. "And do you plan on letting her get away with it?" he asked, moving even closer.
Spike felt that far-too-familiar pull and sighed. He knew that he'd never get over what had happened, but he couldn't deny his desire for Angelus, either. And he couldn't let Darla get what she wanted.
"Is that a no?" Angelus smiled, thinking he knew the answer already. He caressed his childe's cheek, gently. When Will leaned into his touch, he *knew* he knew the answer. And when he leaned in for a kiss and the boy didn't pull away, but kissed him back, he knew for sure that he was on the right track to getting William back completely.