Rating - NC-17
Pairings - Major pairings: Angelus/William, Angelus/Darla, William/Darla. Minor pairings are various combinations of those six.
Keywords/Warnings: Found in some but not all chapters: Het and Slash Smut, Violence, Bloodplay, Torture, Rape. As you see by the pairings, I'm firmly of the opinion that as vampires, Angelus and William would have had a physical (sexual) relationship. If you don't agree, don't read this series.
Summary: This is my take on William's past, starting with being turned by Angelus, in 1880. I try to stick as close as possible to the timeline as given us by Joss Whedon where possible, but most of this is all my ideas, my attempts to "fill-in-the-blanks."
Dedications: To CrazyEvilDru, my beta and my favorite Buffy-Fic author in this world. She got me into writing smut, and then encouraged me in my first attempt at writing m/m smut, the first story of this series.
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Spike woke and wasn't surprised to see Angelus sitting in a chair by the window. This had been typical, at least every other night since his 'punishment.' In the past, however, he'd been irritated at the presence of his sire. But he wasn't tonight.
Spike was surprised to discover that his sire was sketching him. He'd known of this hobby of Angelus', but hadn't ever seen any of the drawings. And to his knowledge, he'd never been the subject of any them.
Angelus looked up and smiled, "I was wondering when you'd wake up. Hungry?"
Spike nodded. "What time is it?" he wondered. All he could tell from the darkness outside the window was that it was well past sundown.
Angelus pulled out his pocket watch. "Ten," he answered.
"You didn't haveta wait, Sire," Spike said, feeling bad for keeping Angelus from feeding. "You coulda just woke me up."
"You needed the sleep," Angelus replied. "Feeling better?"
Spike shrugged, wincing when the movement reminded him of his injury. "A little," he ventured. He started to get up.
"Don't move!" Angelus ordered. "I'm almost finished."
Spike sighed, but obeyed. He wasn't all that irritated by the demand. Truthfully, he was a little flattered. It had been a long time since he'd thought Angelus had a real interest in him. However, he also felt strange being regarded so intently, unused to being an object of close scrutiny. He soon felt his penis stirring and bit his lip to stifle a groan. He was grateful that Angelus couldn't see this, since his lower half was covered by a sheet, although he knew the older vampire could smell his growing arousal.
Angelus put the finishing touches on the sketch that he'd started on a whim two hours earlier. It had begun as a way to distract himself from his hunger, knowing his boy needed the sleep as his body demanded. But once he'd started drawing Will, he hadn't had any desire to stop. He had always been drawn to his childe's beauty, and wondered why he'd never bothered to draw him before. He knew that was most likely because in the past he'd been more interested in acting on that attraction in a more immediate way.
As he caught the scent of Will's arousal he found it more and more difficult to finish the drawing. He almost wished his boy was still asleep. Almost, but not quite. He welcomed the knowledge that William still wanted him, that the previous night hadn't been just a reaction to the near-death experience of the slayer. If only he could act on that knowledge.
*Soon* he told himself. They were well on the way to renewing their relationship in every sense. He just had to continue to play it slowly and carefully. The boy was still skittish around him, and understandably so. He had to do everything in his power to reassure Will that his intentions were not to hurt him.
Of course the awareness of Will's arousal only added to his own. So he was probably as relieved as the boy when he finally finished the drawing. He hadn't drawn Will with the bandage on his chest, instead deciding to remember his childe's body unmarred. And as he looked at the sketch, he decided it was most definitely a keeper, but definitely one to keep *away* from Darla. She'd take one look at it and know how many hours and how much care he'd put into capturing the beauty of his favorite childe. And she wouldn't be happy about that.
He shook off those thoughts and looked up at his boy's face. "All right. You can move now; I'm done," he said with a smile. "Do you feel up to hunting?"
Spike nodded, "I think I can handle it, as long as we're not going to run into another slayer."
"That's not likely to happen," Angelus replied. He stood and walked over to the bed, pleased when for the first time in the past two weeks, Will didn't slide further away from him. "The new one is hardly ever sent to the place the previous one died, at least not for a few weeks," he explained.
"But before we go, I'll need to change the dressings on your wounds," he added. "Why don't you get some pants on, while I go get the bandages?" Will nodded and Angelus turned and left the room.
Spike got out of bed, relieved to be able to get dressed without Angelus nearby, since he had slept naked. He retrieved a clean pair of trousers from the closet. He was on edge and tried unsuccessfully to push the feeling away. It was frustrating, to say the least. As much as he *wanted* to give in to his desires for his sire, his more rational side wouldn't let him do that.
"Things were easier when I was determined to hate him," he sighed.
"Is that how you really feel?"
He jumped and turned to face Angelus, wishing he'd had the intelligence to keep his thoughts silent. He didn't like the look on his sire's face, either. Seeing the older vampire unhappy didn't give him the pleasure he'd once thought that would bring.
"No," he admitted. "It's just..." Confusing. Complicated. Infuriating. Aggravating. Annoying. Frustrating. He shook his head to stop the litany of words playing through his mind and turned away again.
As Angelus catalogued the emotions he could feel from his childe, he was hit by the realization that most of all, Will felt lost. That was what he'd been sensing for days now. His childe didn't know his place anymore, nor his importance in their family. And Angleus had never meant to make his boy doubt that. He wished he knew how to bring back that self-confident man he'd been drawn to eight months earlier. *He's there, he just needs to know it's all right to show himself again.*
"You're not the only one who wishes things could be simpler, Will," he said, walking closer. He set the fresh bandages on the bed and added, "I never wanted this distance between us." He slipped his arms around the boy's waist, pleasantly surprised when the younger man relaxed against him. "I prefer this distance," he added with a chuckle.
Spike rolled his eyes at his sire's attempt at humor. But even though he'd never admit it (not anytime soon), he agreed. He'd always felt safer in Angelus' arms. And strangely enough, after everything that had happened, he still did. "Why can't it be?" he asked.
"Why can't it be what, Love?" Angelus blinked in surprise as he realized what he'd said. *A slip of the tongue, that's all,* he told himself. He hoped Will didn't take it the wrong way.
The endearment brought the memory of Spike's dream back to him. He could tell, though, by how Angelus tensed up, that he hadn't meant it. Just a word, said unintentionally. He'd done the same thing himself, numerous times.
"Will?"
"Wh-oh. It's nothing. I was just thinking out loud. I know things can't be simple..." Spike shrugged.
"You're right; things can't be simple between us," Angelus replied. "Even the most perfect of sire-childe relationships are *never* simple. Every sire needs complete respect and obedience. And it's not just another pointless rule, it's a necessity to keep everyone safe. If childer are constantly questioning rules or rebelling against orders, the entire family is put in danger."
"And there's no allowance for making mistakes," Spike retorted, pulling away and walking over to sit on the edge of the bed. He willed himself not to get angry, knowing it wouldn't help matters any. And he didn't want to argue with Angelus, either. But he couldn't let him think that he'd been willfully disobedient. He wanted his sire to understand. "I wasn't *trying* to disrespect you, Angelus. I *do* respect you. I know what you've done for me -for all of us. I was just trying to be someone *you'd* respect. Be proud of. And maybe I got a little power hungry, but I wasn't--" He shook his head. No need to get into those issues. "I can't be *you*; I could never be. So I ... I guess I was trying to be my own kind of vampire and I ..." he shrugged and looked down. "I did everything wrong."
"Will, I wouldn't have made you my childe if I didn't respect you," Angelus replied, walking over to stand in front of the boy. "It's a title that only three have been worthy of, in my entire existence."
Spike regarded his sire silently, for a few seconds. He was dying to ask who the third was. He'd heard of another, but had never been told anything about him or her. "Maybe. But it just seemed like... the only time we were getting along was when we were in your bed."
"That's not true," Angelus frowned. He reached down to cup Will's chin and lift it so he could look into those blue eyes that always told him just what his childe was feeling. "We used to get along, Will. The time we spent together, just the two of us, hunting, or the hours we'd spend just talking were not merely to keep you happy enough to stay with us. I didn't just make you my childe because I wanted another body to use for my pleasure. You are my only male childe, my second in command, the one who will protect this family if anything were to happen to me. I chose you for your strength, your loyalty, your intelligence. You're smarter than you give yourself credit for, and I've missed being able to get your perspective on things."
"And as for being proud of you," he continued, "for the record, I've never *stopped* being proud of you. You have walked a thin line with Darla, and done rather well at it. She has a history of not being thrilled with my childer, but you managed for a very long time to keep her from disliking you. And you've always had a grasp of how to keep Drusilla under control that impressed me. Not to mention your skill in the hunt. Even that first night, you were such a quick learner. Your ability to disarm the suspicions of any human is a true skill. You don't *need* to be flamboyant and reckless to impress me, Childe. You don't have to be me, or *my* kind of vampire, whatever you think that is. I wouldn't want you to be anyone other than you.
"But I also could not allow you to put all of us at risk just so you could get a name for yourself. And yes, I know that you didn't *intend* to endanger us, those nights you caused humans to chase you. I realize you made mistakes those nights. But ... going back to the complicated nature of the sire/childe relationship, I couldn't deny Darla her demands afterward that you be punished. It wasn't about choosing one of you over the other. As much as I disagreed with her means of punishing you, I had to obey her. I owe her that, as my sire. But, I also meant what I said to you last night. As long as you continue to respect the rules of this family, I *will* keep you safe and unharmed."
*Promises, promises,* Spike thought. *And I'm too close to believing him. Too trusting, even now. I just need him too much.*
Angelus noted the all too familiar emotional turmoil in his childe's blue eyes. However, he didn't intend to let Will reason himself into putting more distance between them. He took his face in his hands and leaned in to kiss him. He kept the kiss gentle and was pleased when Will responded without hesitation, sliding closer and wrapping his arms around his waist.
Spike ignored the warning voice in his head, instead giving himself over to the pleasure of kissing and being kissed by his sire. Angelus didn't give him any reason to feel threatened. He seemed content with just kissing, although Spike was well aware the older vampire wanted more. He could *feel* the evidence of that pressing against his stomach, through Angelus' clothing. Yet Angelus didn't attempt to do anything other than kiss Spike, and Spike was grateful for that.
Angelus ran his hands down Will's back, smiling against his boy's lips when the touch elicited a shiver and a not-quite-repressed moan. He slipped his tongue inside Will's mouth, as he rubbed his back soothingly. He didn't want his childe to end the moment, although he knew that would happen eventually.
He broke the kiss to nip his way down to Will's throat, sucking on the spot over his jugular. Will moaned and the scent of his arousal grew. It took all of Angelus' willpower not to push him down on the bed and take him before he knew what was happening, before he even thought of fighting it. *God, Will, I want you... But not like that. I won't hurt you, again. When I do make you mine it will be because you begged me for it.*
He pulled away reluctantly, knowing that if he didn't, he'd be unable to stop himself.
Spike was surprised and slightly annoyed when Angelus pulled away. He saw the unmistakable lust in his sire's brown eyes, though, and understood. He was trying to respect Spike's need to take things slowly, but it was probably becoming difficult to do that.
Angelus leaned in to kiss him once more, quickly, and then said, "Let's get those bandages changed and then we'll go find ourselves some food." He sat on the edge of the bed and Will sat next to him. He removed the bandage from his boy's chest and was relieved to find that the stake-wound hadn't reopened during the day. In fact, it was healing nicely. There was only an angry-looking scar remaining. He removed the bandage from Will's back and found the same result there too.
"Well, it doesn't look like you need these new bandages after all," Angelus said.
Spike looked down and was surprised to see that his wound had closed up and scarred over already. "I didn't think it would heal that quickly," he replied.
"It wouldn't have, if you hadn't drunk from me," Angelus shrugged. "Sire's blood can be a powerful thing."
"Right," Spike nodded and walked over to the closet to find a shirt to wear. He remembered. It wasn't the first time Angelus had offered his blood to help him heal more quickly. He didn't want to think about the first time, though. It brought back memories he just wanted to ignore.
And he knew he should be thanking Angelus for helping him heal so quickly. But he couldn't help feeling a little irritated by the fact that he *did* owe his sire so much gratitude. Everything Angelus had done to protect him and make him feel safe in the past few days made it so much more difficult to keep a clear head about their relationship. *That's the problem,* Spike thought with a sigh. *I have to stop thinking in terms of 'relationships', where we're concerned. It *isn't* a relationship. Not a friendship, or ... anything else ... It is what it is and I have to just stop wishing for something other than that. Bloody hell, the way I'm acting you'd think I was a betrayed lover or something. And I'm not. I don't even *want* to be. I don't love him!*
"Will?"
Spike jumped when Angelus touched his arm. "What?"
Angelus didn't really have anything to say, he'd merely wanted to get his childe to stop thinking so hard for a little while. He kissed him gently and quickly. As he pulled pulled away he leaned over to pick up the shirt Will had dropped. He smiled and handed it to his boy, saying, "I'll wait for you downstairs."
Spike breathed a sigh of relief when Angelus left. It was disturbing how much his sire could still affect him. He pulled on his shirt and buttoned it, trying to stop thinking about how much he wanted Angelus. He *was* looking forward to going out with his sire, though. It had been a very long time since he'd felt comfortable enough with the older vampire to enjoy the prospect of a night hunting with him alone.
********
Angelus looked up as Will walked down the stairs. He looked like the typical well-bred young gentleman, in his white dress shirt and black pants, his hair tied back in a bit of ribbon. He wondered if his childe would be interested in playing the part of bait for an unsuspecting woman... or man, tonight? He would definitely make the suggestion, once they were in town.
Will looked up at him shyly and licked his lips as he passed. Angelus groaned as he was hit by the scent of his childe's arousal. His body instantly reacted and he couldn't resist the urge to grab his boy by the arm.
"Wh--" William wasn't able to say anything more, because Angelus slammed him up against the door and kissed him, hungrily. He heard his sire groan and couldn't help a whimper in response. He felt Angelus smile against his mouth and didn't mind at all. He knew the other vampire wasn't mocking him, just happy. And he felt the same way, he could no longer deny that. He slid his arms around Angelus' waist, underneath his suit coat, and whimpered again when Angelus ground his hips against him, making his arousal intensify.
"Angelus..." Spike moaned, pulling away from that oh-so-talented mouth, and gasping as the action only gave his sire the opportunity to turn his attention to his throat. "Sire... " he hissed in pleasure when Angelus bit down hard on his throat, teasing him.
Angelus was just barely holding onto his self-control, resisting the urge to turn Will around, tear his clothes from his body, and take him there. But he knew that would be taking things *much* farther than his boy was ready to allow, so he pulled away, reluctantly. William pouted a little in response but turned and pulled the door open. They walked outside, where a cariage was waiting.
"Unless you'd rather walk downtown?" Angelus replied to his childe's questioning look. "It's up to you."
Spike thought for a moment. "No," he decided. "It just might come in handy, ya know, if we need a quick escape." *No. Wrong thing to say!* his mind screamed at him and he stepped back, fearing his sire's response. "Although I didn't-- I don't mean-- I don't plan on needing--"
"Will." Angelus took his childe's face in his hands and forced him to meet his eyes. "It's all right, Boy. I know you have no intention of causing trouble tonight. However, even the most well-planned, perfect of kills can go wrong, so there's nothing wrong with planning for that eventuality.
"I wasn't thinking in those terms, though," he shrugged. "I ordered the carriage because I thought it would complete the image of the wealthy, well-bred gentlemen spending an evening out in search of ... amusement." He winked and placed a quick kiss on Will's lips, before he turned and stepped into the carriage.
Spike followed Angelus and sat on the seat across from him, looking away from the hunger in his sire's brown eyes. It was a hunger that scared him, because it awakened a matching hunger in him, one that was becoming more and more impossible to resist.
Angelus frowned as William sat *across* from him. He wasn't disappointed by the view, but he *was* disappointed by the distance. He moved over. "Come sit next to me, Childe," he said.
Spike breathed in the scent of his sire's arousal, mixed with that of his own, and turned to look at him. He nodded after another second, deciding to just admit to both of them how much he wanted... just wanted. He moved to sit next to Angelus, but couldn't bring himself to look into the older vampire's eyes. He moaned when he felt lips at his throat, and arched into the feather-light touch, wanting more. Angelus' nipped his way upward to his lips, and kissed him, lightly. Before he could pull away, Spike grabbed his head and pulled him back, his own tongue darting inside his sire's mouth.
Angelus groaned and wrapped his arms around Will's waist as he sucked on the boy's tongue, content to allow him to control the kiss for a few seconds. He ran his hands up Will's back and into his hair. He combed his fingers through it, letting the ribbon which had been holding it fall to the floor of the carriage.
Will pulled back from the kiss and frowned at him. "Yeah, now I look like the perfect gentleman," he grumbled.
"You look quite perfect to me," Angelus replied, smiling when Will looked away, embarrassed by the compliment. He leaned in to kiss him again, groaning when Will moved to straddle his thighs. He hadn't expected that, but was doing everything possible not to frighten his childe into changing his mind about it.
Spike whimpered when he felt his sire's erection pressing against his own through the fabric of their pants. He wasn't sure how he'd ended up straddling Angelus, except perhaps for the motivation of pure lust. His hips moved almost of their own accord and they both moaned.
"No," Spike said, breaking away from the kiss. He slid back, intending to move back to safety, which was the seat *across* from his sire. Angelus stopped him however, with his hands on his hips, and Spike tried to pull free. "Sire, I can't--"
Angelus silenced him with a finger on his lips. "Can't what?" he asked. "Can't do this?" He leaned forward and kissed the younger vampire, briefly, before leaning back again. "Are you sure about that?" he wondered. The boy didn't try to back away further, and Angelus was pleased.
Spike moved just a bit closer, because he *did* want to taste his sire again. Just a little...He nibbled his way down Angelus' throat, sucking hard enough to mark the skin. It was only temporary, but it was still a mark.
Angelus groaned as he felt his childe's teeth worrying a spot on his throat. "Do you want to drink from me?" he asked, wanting nothing more than that himself. The fresh wave of arousal, accompanied by a whimper, was answer enough for him. So he said, "Yes," tightening his arms around his childe's waist.
Spike groaned at the unexpected permission. He brought his demon forward and, as carefully as possible, let his fangs slide into the skin to puncture the artery in Angelus' throat, his own groan mingling with that of his sire.
Angelus groaned as he felt the pull of his blood being sucked out of those tiny puncture wounds. He let William take as much as he wanted, knowing his boy would know when it was enough. And he was right, after only a few seconds Will's fangs retracted and then he licked at the punctures, taking any blood that trickled out before they closed completely.
Angelus was purring, and so was Will. He smiled when he realized that, and pulled his boy closer. He didn't want the moment to end, but they were probably getting close to the center of--
The carriage stopped and he sighed. They *were* in the center of town. Will sat up, looking at him with a nervous smile before pulling away and crouching on the floor of the carriage to hunt for the ribbon for his hair. Angelus watched his boy fidget for a moment, before he grabbed his arm and pulled him onto the seat next to him. "Will? Is something wrong?" He was worried by his childe's nervous behavior. Had he done something or said something earlier to upset the younger vampire? He couldn't remember having done so, but it was hard to tell sometimes with this childe. He was very sensitive.
"No," Spike shrugged as he tied his hair back again. "No," he repeated, when Angelus didn't look convinced. He didn't know how to explain that he had never felt so close to coming, ever, and had barely kept it from happening. It had just thrown him, because he hadn't expected that intensity of feeling for his sire so soon.
He looked up at Angelus and smiled. "Nothin's wrong. I just... thank you."
Angelus smiled back. "You don't have to thank me, Will." He leaned forward and tugged on his boy's earlobe with his teeth, before whispering, "I enjoyed it too, as I'm sure you were well aware." He pulled back and nodded to the door. "Let's go. I'm hungry and I imagine you are too."
Spike nodded and Angelus followed him out into the crowded street.