Rating - NC-17
Pairings - Major pairings: Angelus/William, Angelus/Darla, William/Darla. Minor pairings are various combinations of those six.
Keywords/Warnings: Found in some but not all chapters: Het and Slash Smut, Violence, Bloodplay, Torture, Rape. As you see by the pairings, I'm firmly of the opinion that as vampires, Angelus and William would have had a physical (sexual) relationship. If you don't agree, don't read this series.
Summary: This is my take on William's past, starting with being turned by Angelus, in 1880. I try to stick as close as possible to the timeline as given us by Joss Whedon where possible, but most of this is all my ideas, my attempts to "fill-in-the-blanks."
Dedications: To CrazyEvilDru, my beta and my favorite Buffy-Fic author in this world. She got me into writing smut, and then encouraged me in my first attempt at writing m/m smut, the first story of this series.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Two evenings later...
Spike was awakened by the growling of his stomach. He glanced over at Angelus, and saw he was apparently still asleep. He was grateful for that, however, since it gave him the opportunity to look without fear of being teased for doing so. His sire had apparently not been as cold as he had been during the day, and hadn't bothered to cover himself. And as Angelus' habit was to sleep naked, Spike couldn't help staring. He hadn't recently had the opportunity to admire the physical perfection of his sire.
Of course he slept naked himself, but he had only done so these past two days because he knew that Angelus would be upset if he didn't. He would have assumed that Spike didn't trust him, which was for the most part true but there was no need to provoke an argument about it either. And Spike had been relieved when Angelus hadn't used this situation to his advantage by trying to make Spike be physically intimate with him in ways he wasn't ready for yet.
So far, the past two days and the previous evening had gone remarkably well, as a matter of fact. Angelus hadn't pushed the issue of them being intimate, seeming to be content with the ways Spike *was* willing to bring him pleasure. There were still moments when Spike felt uncomfortable, but he no longer reacted in immediate panic. And that had done a lot to improve Angelus' mood around him.
He got out of bed, deciding to avoid one of the usual awkward moments, Angelus seeing him naked, and went to his room to get dressed. Angelus had mentioned a ball in the city tonight, so Spike found his suit. It wasn't his idea of enjoyment, being around hundreds of rich people, but he didn't have any choice in the matter so he'd make the best of it. Such as, if any of the rich girls tried to mock him he'd be able to make them VERY sorry.
"Will?"
He turned to see Angelus already dressed too, and looking so good he had to remind himself not to stare and not to drool. Unfortunately, by Angelus' smile, it was clear he'd done at least one of those things. "I'm ready if you are," he said.
"I am," Angelus said, stepping aside to let William precede him. He had forgotten his childe's ability to look quite the respectable gentleman, when he wanted. Still as handsome as ever, just more refined. Even though he clearly didn't enjoy the clothes he was expected to wear, if the way he tugged at his collar was any indication. But Angelus had no doubt that William would enjoy himself at this ball.
It was always enjoyable to feed on the rich ones. They thought they were untouchable by death. And tonight, he and his childe would show them otherwise.
******
Spike dropped the dead girl, making sure she was hidden behind some coats, before he exited the closet. The wonderful thing about a ball was there were so many people milling about, nobody was paying attention to anyone other than the person he or she was with. That had worked to his advantage well, letting him drain and dispose of three victims so far. And they'd only been at the ball two hours.
He walked back into the ballroom and scanned it, looking for Angelus. It had been nearly an hour since he'd last seen his sire. Spike finally located him, doing his best to charm a young red haired woman. He was curious as to how many dead bodies Angelus had hidden so far. *He* had fed on three blonde females. One was in the closet, another was floating down the river which was directly behind the building, and he had left the third in the upstairs hay loft of the horse stables.
*How long before someone finds a body?* he wondered. But he didn't worry about it for long. In a crowd like this, nobody would be missed for quite some time, and when they were, he and Angelus were long gone. He walked out of the building to the garden and walked along the paths, hoping to find another victim or two.
"Spike."
He turned and saw Michael standing by a nearby tree. "Michael. Have you been here all night?" he asked. He was pleaantly surprised to see the other man, having wanted to somehow find the opportunity to visit him again, if only he could get away from Angelus for a little while.
"I have," Michael said with a nod. "But I guess you didn't notice me in the crowd. You did seem rather preoccupied, too," he added grinning.
"It's too easy to feed here, with all these humans around, just waiting to be picked off," Spike shrugged.
"I agree," Michael said. "I've been enjoying myself, as well. And when I saw you, I decided to stick around until I could have a moment to chat with you. Are you healed yet?"
"I am," Spike said, walking closer. As he got near Michael, he was struck by how handsome he looked tonight. He'd noticed this about him earlier, but had been in too much pain to realize it fully. "You know... I meant to visit you, but Angelus has been kind of ... protective since the werewolf attack."
"I'm glad to hear that," Michael said. "Not that Angelus has been keeping a close eye on you, but that it's the reason you haven't come to visit me. I was hoping it wasn't that you didn't want to see me," he added, reaching up and brushing at the arm of Spike's suit jacket. "Someone has been in the stables," he grinned.
"Among other places," Spike replied with a smile. Maybe it was due to the fact he tended to be aroused after feeding well, but he had the overwhelming urge to kiss Michael. And when he met Michael's eyes, he thought that the feeling might be mutual.
"Um... Angelus is here. Just in case you didn't know. I mean, in case you didn't want to see him. Because...uh... you didn't say... you *wanted* to. See him. Last time we talked. That's why I would have brought him to your house, otherwise," Spike said, inwardly cursing his sudden nervousness around the other man. He couldn't help it though. There was something piercing about those brown eyes, and the way Michael was looking at him.
"I noticed him earlier," Michael said. "But I've stayed away, because I didn't want to see him agaain. Our relationship didn't end well, so we really don't have much to say to each other."
"Oh," Spike said. "So... you were...."
"We aren't anymore," Michael said. "Haven't been for years." He stepped closer. "Does that bother you?"
"What?" Spike asked, willing himself not to step back from the intensity in Michael's eyes.
"Well," Michael replied, taking another step toward Spike, until there was not even an inch between them. He captured Spike's eyes with his own. "That he and I were once involved... or that if you and I get to know each other better you'll have to keep that information from him. Those things, to start with."
Spike felt a sudden rush of desire, like a charge of electricity. The closest he'd ever come to feeling something like this had been the night Angelus had made him a vampire. But that hadn't felt *this* intense. And part of him wanted to run away, before it got complicated. Given that Angelus and Michael weren't likely to get along, his getting involved with the other vampire, in *any* sense of the phrase, would cause many difficulties. But another part of him couldn't bear the thought of letting this, whatever this was, die simply because Angelus wouldn't like it.
"Spike?" Michael reached out and slipped a hand under his suit jacket, resting it on his chest.
Spike held back a groan, the touch felt as if it set his skin on fire. "W-no. I mean... no.. I don't care. It doesn't bother me, that is. I... oh, hell." Spike tossed all his reservations aside, and gripped the other vampire's face, kissing him. He thrust his tongue inside the other man's mouth, wanting to make him feel as out of control as he was feeling. Michael whimpered, his hands slipped around Spike's waist, pulling his body close, and it was Spike's turn to whimper as he felt the other vampire's arousal pressed against his. He thrust his hips against Michael, and Michael moaned loudly, pulling their bodies even closer. Again, and Michael pulled his mouth away. "Spike," he gasped, pushing at his chest.
Spike stepped back, much to his disappointment. "I'm sorry," he said, waiting for the ego-crushing words he knew he was soon to hear. And how ignorant was he, to believe for even one second that this intense, beautiful man would want *him*? He didn't deserve--
"--ke? Spike?" Michael took his face in his hands. "Stop listening to that self-doubting voice in your head, and listen to me."
"What? I... I don't..." Spike was overwhelmed that Michael had guessed so well at what was in his mind... Was he that transparent?
Michael pressed a finger to his lips. "I said, listen," he said smiling. "That kiss was... unbelievable. But I just think we should slow down."
"Oh," Spike said, letting out a sigh of relief. "All right."
"A part of me *doesn't* want to slow down," Michael said. "The heat I feel when we touch or kiss is.... it's unlike anything I've ever felt. It took every single bit of willpower I had to push you away," he added, raising his hand to touch Spike but then dropping it again. "What I *truly* wanted to do was drop to my knees and take you into my mouth--"
"Oh god stop," Spike groaned, pressing his hand to Michael's mouth. The mental image alone was enough to almost make him lose the little bit of control he still had.
"Sorry," Michael said, taking Spike's hand in his. "And please don't think I act like this around every person I meet that I feel an attraction for. I don't. It's just that I feel like I've known you for years, rather than days."
"I... I feel the same," Spike said. And he did. From the moment he'd looked at this man, he'd felt attracted to him, but beyond that, as comfortable around him as if they had known each other all his life. "I think I could talk to you for hours."
Michael smiled and leaned in to kiss him quickly. "Good. Because I want to know everything there is to know about you, Spike. And I will also tell you anything you want to know about me."
"So we both want to do this," Spike said, "but how?" He didn't want to bring up the biggest obstacle to this possible relationship, but there was no use in ignoring him either.
"It won't be easy," Michael conceded, "but we'll find a way. To start with tonight," he took Spike's hand and led him down the path further away from the ballroom, "My carriage is right on the street. We can go to my house, and can spend time alone--"
"I can't," Spike said, reluctantly but firmly pulling his hand away. "Angelus will be furious if I run off."
"Right," Michael nodded, disappointed.
"I'm sorry," Spike said. "I would, if--"
"Don't think you have to explain," Michael replied. "I remember very well how unpleasant he can be when he's angry. And I wouldn't wish that on you. So... leaving the ball is out. What about finding a spot where we won't be discovered?" he suggested.
"Where?" Spike wondered.
"Well, you appear to have had quite a lot of success with that in the stables," Michael suggested. "At the least we wouldn't be out in the open. And later, if Angelus wonders, you can simply tell him you were there with a human."
Spike agreed. Even though it was a risk, he would take it, because the opportunity to be alone with Michael might not occur again for quite some time. They rushed off to the stables, so as not to waste anymore time doing something other getting to know each other.
*********
Two hours later...
Spike pulled his hand away from Michael's, and got his pocket watch out to check the time. It seemed like they'd been sitting in the barn together for minutes, but he knew it had been longer. They had found a corner of the loft and immediately started talking about anything that came to their minds, with occasional pauses in between for a kiss or a light touch. There hadn't been one second of awkward silence, their comfort with each other seeming to grow greater as each minute passed. In two hours he had told Michael almost everything there was to know about his life before Angelus, mostly things he'd never said out loud to *anyone.* Stories of his step-father getting drunk and beating him bloody, the tale of the night he'd murdered the man, how he'd run away, living on the street for weeks, and then come home only to be shipped off to live with an aunt and uncle who couldn't have cared any less about him. These events were ones he had always been ashamed of, and tried to pretend had never happened, but tonight he had recounted them without hesitation. And Michael hadn't once looked at or acted toward him differently. He just listened, his eyes compassionate but not pitying.
And after all this, feeling closer to Michael than he had to anyone, ever, the last thing he wanted to do was leave. But he had to. "The ball's gonna be over in a couple minutes. He'll start lookin' for me," he said with a sigh.
"Right," Michael nodded. He leaned closer and kissed Spike, "I suppose you had better go, then."
"Right," Spike nodded.
Michael smiled, after a few seconds. "You're not leaving."
"I was hoping you wouldn't notice that," Spike said with a grin. "But I *do* have to," he added, as he thought he heard people approaching the stables. He got to his feet, and Michael did as well. "I ... I guess I'll leave first, so he'll be less likely to see you."
"I'll wait here a few minutes," Michael said. "You'll be gone before I go out to my carriage."
Spike wanted to kiss him, but knew he couldn't if he was trying to make himself leave. It was better not to tempt himself. "Right. Well... I wish I could say I'll see you soon, but--"
"We'll figure something out," Michael said. "He can't keep an eye on you twenty-four hours a day."
"Ya wanna bet?" Spike muttered, as he started to the ladder.
"Spike," Michael grabbed his arm and kissed him. He pulled away and said, "If I had a choice, I wouldn't let you go anywhere other than home with me. But since I don't, we *will* figure this out. If you can't come to me, I'll find you."
Spike reached out for him, but Michael backed away. "You should go," he said.
Spike nodded, and went down the ladder. He exited the stables just as people were starting to exit the barn. He brushed the hay from his clothes as he started to look for Angelus. He hadn't even *thought* about his sire, since seeing Michael again, except in the sense that Angelus would be a barrier to his spending more time with Michael. He felt guilty thinking about his sire this way, Angelus had for the most part been patient with him and given him the time and space he'd asked for. But Angelus was also very possessive of him, and Spike had no doubt that he would be furious if he found out that this new friend of his was one of Angelus' ex-lovers. And even if he hadn't known Michael in the past, he probably wouldn't want to share Spike with anyone. Drusilla wasn't an issue, because Angelus knew *she* would never be taking Spike away from him. She would never leave Angelus.
And even though he had thought about it, many times since becoming Angelus' childe, he wasn't sure he wanted to leave, either. Even now that he might have someone to run *to* he still wasn't sure he was ready to make that decision. He and Angelus had been through so much together. And even though not all of it had been good, some of it had been. And he believed things could be better, if only Darla could get over her hatred of him. Angelus seemed to think she could, or at least that as long as Spike didn't cause trouble, she wouldn't want to hurt him. And if he was right, things *would* be better between them.
He walked around to the front of the building and saw Angelus. And when his sire smiled at him, he couldn't help smiling back. As frustrating as Angelus was, Spike wasn't ready to give up yet. The bond he felt with his sire was undeniable and irresistable. It was different from the connection he felt to Michael, but it was also deeper. Angelus knew him better than Drusilla or Michael, in the ways that really mattered, and had always been able to sense his emotions without him even needing to say a word, and he'd *never* had that with anyone. Even though it didn't always work to his advantage. Nobody had been able to make him so angry, or so miserable, in all his life.
But on the other hand, no one had ever made him feel as safe. Maybe that would change, but Spike doubted it. He hoped it wouldn't. He hadn't ever felt like part of a family, before meeting Angelus. And he had never felt like he was *home* before, either, until the night Angelus took him to *his* home. And he still felt that often enough not to want to abandon it.
"Will," Angelus was relieved to see his childe. "I was starting to worry. It's been a couple of hours since I saw you last." They walked to the carriage, and got inside.
"I didn't mean to worry you," Spike said. "I've just been outside in the gardens."
"No harm done," Angelus replied with a smile. "I'm just disappointed tonight." He leaned close and kissed Will, lightly and teasingly, nibbling on his lower lip.
Rather than reacting the expected way and attempting to deepen the kiss, Spike backed away, with something that looked like a guilty expression, before turning to the window. Angelus frowned and took his chin in his hands, turning his face so that he would meet his eyes. "What's wrong, Will?" he asked. Usually Will wanted physical closeness with him after a long night of hunting. But tonight he seemed uninterested.
*Damn, I can't let him get suspicious something has happened. I don't even really *know* what happened, yet, myself.* "Nothing, Sire," he said. "I ... I'm just tired." Angelus' skepticism was clear in his face, so Spike frantically tried to think of a better excuse. "And I guess I have a lot on my mind," he added.
"Such as?" Angelus asked. He didn't know what could have happened to make Will so distant, when they'd been so close the past two days.
"Well, you know, I used to come to these things all the time when I was human," Spike said. "And... and --well, I was expecting it to be like those times. That's why I didn't want to come," he admitted. He was relieved as he thought of a reason close enough to the truth to keep Angelus from being suspicious that he had a new lover. *Not a lover. A ... a friend. A ... I don't know, and it doesn't matter yet,* he told himself. "But when I got here, I realized it wasn't the same.
"When I was human, women wouldn't even give me a second look. But tonight it was so easy to get them alone. I didn't realize I'd changed *that* much." He ended with a shrug. All this was true enough, even though it hadn't occupied his thoughts the past hours he'd spent with Michael.
Now Angelus understood. He obviously hadn't brought his childe into human society enough, if he still saw himself as the shy, awkward boy he'd been as a human. "Will, the only thing that's changed about you is that you're self-confident now," Angelus said.
"Me?" Spike replied incredulously.
"Yes, you," Angelus replied. "As a human, you weren't able to attract and charm women, because you didn't think you were good enough for them. But now, you have power over all humans, and your knowledge of that fact makes you irresistable to any human you come into contact with."
"If you say so," Spike shrugged. Sometimes he wondered if Angelus saw *him* or saw who he *wanted* him to be.
"I do say so and I'm right," Angelus said. "I'm always right." He chuckled when Will turned back to him long enough to roll his eyes. "You don't agree?"
"Of course I do, Angelus," Spike said, giving him his best innocent look, before turning back to the window.
"I'm glad we got that settled," Angelus said, sliding closer. "Now why on earth are we talking, when I can think of more enjoyable ways to spend our time?" he wondered. He slid a hand around Will's waist and pulled him back toward him, and nuzzled his neck. His childe moaned, and rested his head back on his shoulder, and Angelus couldn't resist the temptation. He slipped into gameface and sank his teeth into Will's throat, drinking deeply.
"SIRE!" Spike screamed, as he went into orgasm suddenly. He threw an arm out to steady himself against the rush of ecstasy, and felt Angelus' strong arms wrapping around his waist.
Angelus groaned at the taste of Will's blood, falling over the edge into his own orgasm. He hadn't done this for weeks, and he savored the taste. When his childe reached out for him, he lifted the younger vampire, careful not to stop drinking, and pulled him onto his lap. He wrapped his arms around Will and continued to drink. He normally would stop by now, but Will had fed well tonight, so he had more blood in his system than usual.
Spike slowly came down from his orgasm, and groaned as he became aware again of the near-painful pleasure of his sire's fangs buried in his throat, the sweet burning sensation of his blood being drunk. And then he remembered. *Oh god, you didn't have permission!* He tried to pull away, but Angelus growled, tightened his grip on him and drank more deeply. Spike stopped struggling, knowing he was lucky if all Angelus was going to do to him was drain him. The punishment could be much worse.
Angelus withdrew his fangs after a few more minutes. And then he became aware of the fear coming from his childe. *Now what?* he wondered with a sigh. Nothing could be simple anymore. "Will--"
*He didn't drain me. Why didn't he drain me? He decided to do something more painful,* Spike thought. "Sire, I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to disobey--"
Angelus put his hand over Will's mouth to silence the panicked apology. "I'm not angry," he said. "You're allowed the occasional lapse of memory." *Not around Darla, of course,* he said to himself. "Let's go inside."
Spike nodded, stunned that he wasn't in for some terrible punishment. He got out of the carriage, and stopped when he thought he saw someone standing behind one of the trees next to the house. *Michael?* It was just a glimpse, however, and he kept walking into the house. He couldn't give the other man away to Angelus. He felt guilty though, thinking of what he'd just done with Angelus, and wondered how Michael would react if he knew.
William didn't look at him as he went into the house, and Angelus wasn't surprised. This was becoming the typical reaction, lately. They got close, and then Will tried to put a "safe" distance between them again. *Not this time,* Angelus decided. He'd give his childe as much time as he asked for, but they wouldn't go backward yet again.
Spike went upstairs, needing some space from Angelus. He needed to think, about Michael, about Angelus, about what the hell he was doing. He didn't want to lie to Angelus, but he couldn't tell him about Michael. He had just met Michael, but he didn't want to stop seeing him. He didn't know how Michael would react if he knew how close physically he and Angelus were. He'd given the man the impression that they didn't get along well, and at the time that had been true, but that situation was quickly changing.
He entered his room, and turned to see Angelus standing in the doorway. "Get cleaned up, and then come to my room," Angelus said. He turned and left, before Spike could think of a way to refuse that wouldn't anger him. *I can't do this. How do I always get into these situations?*
He removed his clothes, and went into the next room and bathed. *I just have to act like nothing's changed. Don't let Angelus suspect about Michael, and until I have a better idea as to what Michael wants, I can't let him know how physically close Angelus and I are. Right. No problem. And then when Dru and Darla get home in two weeks, things will be even more interesting. If I don't have a nervous breakdown by then. Of course, I might get lucky. Things might go my way, for once.*
He got out of the bathtub and dried himself, then went to his closet. *Getting dressed before I can go to him? I'm so transparent. He's probably in bed already, the sun's coming up. He'll expect me to sleep in his bed; so what am I doing? I should just go in there, naked, since I'll be that way eventually anyway.*
He took a deep breath and left his room, hoping Angelus wouldn't say anything to embarrass him. His sire had a way of doing that. He knocked at Angelus' door.
"Come in," Angelus called, putting his book aside. He had been starting to wonder if he needed to go to his childe's room to get him to stop stalling. He was surprised to look up and see Will standing naked in the doorway. He would have expected the younger vampire to be dressed, given his usual discomfort being naked around him. Will glanced at him quickly before looking away and Angelus sensed that discomfort.
Spike walked over to the bed, quickly, choosing to pretend for the moment that Angelus *wasn't* naked in that same bed. He sat down and pulled the sheet up, and looked up at Angelus. Before he could react, Angelus was kissing him. He moaned and reached for his sire, wrapping his arms around his neck. He forgot why he shouldn't want him, all he knew was it felt right, perfect. For one moment, he was the only one Angelus wanted. It was as if nothing and no one existed any longer, except for the two of them, and Spike didn't want it to end. He felt that he was exactly where he belonged, and it was heaven. Or probably as close to heaven as he would ever get.
Angelus smiled against Will's lips. He hadn't known it would be this simple to ease his childe's nervousness, but wasn't going to complain about the reaction. He was aroused instantly, and smelled the arousal from Will as well. He wanted to be inside the younger vampire, but realized that wasn't going to happen tonight. So he held back those desires, devouring his childe's mouth in the way he wanted to devour the rest of him.
*This is wrong* went through Spike's mind, but he immediately pushed that thought away. It was right. *So* right, it was frightening. He wanted Angelus, he couldn't lie about that, to either Angelus *or* himself. Angelus' hands slid down his back, and he moaned and arched against him. Then he felt the other vampire's hands slip down further, fingers sliding between the cheeks of his ass. "No!" He pushed Angelus back, and turned to run.
Angelus growled in frustration and grabbed Will, pulling him back. "NO!" Will screamed. Angelus was overwhelmed by the fear flooding his senses, as he flipped his childe onto his back and pinned him down with his body.
"CALM DOWN!!" He ordered, trying to catch Will's gaze as he caught the arms that tried to fight him off. "WILLIAM!"
*Ohgod this isn't happening, I thought everything was all right now!* "Sire, please I'm sorry, please don't--"
"WILLIAM, GET A GRIP ON YOURSELF, *NOW!*"
Spike blinked and met Angelus' eyes. Everything was fine; he had just overreacted. For about the hundredth time. "I'm--"
"I know," Angelus said, rolling away. He lay on his side, facing Will. "And we're both tired, so I think we should sleep now. We'll talk later."
Spike nodded, grateful for the reprieve from discussing what had happened, even though he would have to talk about it this evening. Unless he could distract or make Angelus forget about it. That was always possible. Unlikely, but possible.