Rated: R
Type: AU
Summery: Angel is a young art student at SU. He really shouldn't want his tutor's angry teenage son but something's can't be avoided.
Thank you to Snowpuppies for the plot bunny inspired by the amazing story On the Other Side. I love you, honey.
Disclaimer: I own my shoes and very little else.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
~Part: 1~
He was scared. He had grown up on the Hellmouth; had slain a vampire when he was thirteen. The fear of Darkness had never been a problem for Angel. Even as a child he had owned the night. As his friend Willow said, he was a pedestrian in the know and knowledge was power. Both his parents had been killed by vampires. He had become a vigilante, seeking vengeance and restitution for his parents. The idea of people being *eaten* turned his stomach.
But now he was frightened in broad daylight. The task in front of him was the most daunting yet. Three times already he had faced this same challenge, yet it never got easier. Stepping up to the threshold, he girded up his loins and rang the doorbell. Joyce opened the door looking haggard. Xander was, as always, glued to her hip, sucking his thumb. The three year old instantly reached out to his babysitter, "Ngel!"
"Hi, Xander," said Angel with a long suffering sigh as he took the child from his mother, "How was preschool today?"
"We sang the alf-bet song and I cried at naptime!"
Smiling at the unfounded enthusiasm Angel replied, "Wow, that's exciting!"
"I di'n't wanna sleep!"
"No," Angel ruffled the boy's hair, "I bet you didn't."
"Thank you for this, Angel," Joyce's voice was always a mix of quite laugher and tinkling glass.
With a slight shrug the boy said, "Hey, I owe you. We're gonna have fun tonight. Aren't we, Xan?"
It was true. He did owe her. Joyce owned and art gallery/store. As an art student at SU Angel had sought her out as a tutor for his art history class. Having very few "liquid funds," he had tried to sort out a payment plan with her. He explained that he got the cheque from his parents' estate on the fourth of every month and wanted to know if he could pay her on the seventh once it had cleared into his account. The woman had laughed and told him that he could pay by babysitting her three kids once a week. Quickly he had agreed. He had no idea what he was signing on for.
She told him that her oldest, Will, was never home. At age 17 he was in a rock band. And while he was rarely home he somehow managed to make the whole place gloomy when he was there. He was in that awkward stage of adolescence wherein he hated everyone yet was angry when people didn't like him. Easily bored, he favorite thing to do seemed to be winding his brother up. He would whisper into Xander's ears and suddenly the little boy would have a litany of questions for the college student while the blonde would slink off with a smirk.
And then there was Liz. The 11 year old was the stereotypical "preteen" girl. She spent hours on the phone discussing. . . nothing really. Will could make her cry in ten seconds flat and took great pleasure in doing so. She would go into moods and not talk to anyone for hours. And, most annoyingly of all, she had a crush on Angel that was roughly the size of Texas.
But Xander was an angel. An annoying, often sticky, angel. And the babysitter loved him. With a smile ha ran his fingers through thick brown curls. The boy's mother spoke again, "Rupert will be home in a few minutes. I'm going to shower. We're going to an Italian place in town. I know it's a hassle-"
"Honestly," Angel said blithely with an indulgent smile towards the woman, "What else would I be doing on a Friday night?" He knew how stupid it sounded the second it was out of his mouth.
"Partying, on a date, studying for your test on Impressionism?" offered Joyce.
Laughing Angel said, "That reminds me-"
"Sunday brunch good for you?" He nodded, "Espresso Pump, we'll make use of your employ's discount?"
"Thank you so much, Joyce. . . so where are the others?"
"Liz is doing her nails and Will. . . might be doing his," she hazarded a guess as to the actions of her eldest son. "He has practice tonight."
"Ok. Xan, ya wanna go to Chucky-Cheese's?"
"Yea!"
"Cool," he looked back to Joyce, instantly slipping into adult mode. "Bedtime?"
Pointing at the toddler Joyce said, "Seven thirty." Pointing in the general direction of Liz's room she said, "Ten. And as for Will? Well your guess is as good as mine. He has to be home by one but you'll be long gone by then. It's," she looked at her watch, " four thirty now. We're going to the mall to do some Christmas present shopping and then going on to dinner so we'll be back by eleven at the very latest."
"Hey," Angel shrugged, "take your time and enjoy your night off." Angel's demeanor was always so quite and laidback, but there was an underlying intensity that confused and scared Joyce. She trusted him with her children. He turned away as she started up the stairs. With one ear she listened to the pair.
"Wanna go build something with blocks and then kick it over?"
"Chucky Cheese!"
"First we have to talk to Liz. Until she comes down what'll we do?"
"Blocks!"
~Part: 2~
Will sighed when he heard the doorbell. He hated Angel with a passion that could not be denied. The man was a condescending prick. There were times when Will wanted to throttle him just to see how the prat reacted. Shocking Angel would make Will happy. But Angel took everything in his stride. Xander's obscene and personal questions didn't phase him. And Lizzy's tears seemed to amuse him. He wanted Angel to get pissed, to react.
Turning back to his pervious activities he filed and buffed his nails before applying a new coat of paint. The black polish was too shiny for his taste but it would do. He lined his eyes with red lip liner and smudged them. He blacked out his lips with eyeliner. And as he went through his closet he became steadily more angry. He slid the blot on his locked door back and stormed out into the hall. Banging three times on the door next to his own he shouted, "Open the door, Buffy!"
The door opened slowly and the young blonde looked up at him, "I wish you wouldn't call me that."
"Really?" he asked sarcastically, "Well I wish you wouldn't steal my clothes, you fucking klepto!" He pushed past her wearing only his black leather pants.
"You look like a freak, *William*."
"I know," he replied without looking at her, "but freak looks good on me." Finding what he was searching for in the closet he brandished the tee-shirt in front of her. "You say their music sucks so why do you steal my Operation Ivy shirt?"
The girl shrugged as her brother pulled said shirt on, mindful of his perfect make-up and gelled platinum hair. He grabbed his book bag and guitar out of his room and locked his door from the outside. "Have fun with lover boy," he didn't even bother to look at her as he spoke.
He barreled down the stairs and, upon entering the kitchen, saw his brother talking animatedly to the older boy from where he sat on the counter. "So I says, 'puts it down or I'll broke yer nose.' And guess what? He didn'. He didn' put it down, Ngel, so I broked his nose. And thens I gots back on the boat and the cap'tin was real angry with me so he putted me in chains and feeded me of his lion!"
"But, Xander," Angel said, egging the boy on, "you're here, with me. How did you get away?"
"Oh, I was ok. I just cutted my way out of him's tummy with my knife. . ." Xander paused trying to think of something else thrilling to add, "And, and he cried!"
"Cool!" Angel laughed. Then he saw Will and started to hum "White Wedding".
"Fuck you," said Will with unruffled resentment.
"Watch your mouth in front of him," Angel said in an equally bored tone.
"Whatever, I'm going out."
"Will! We's going Chucky Cheese's!"
"Fun," his voice told Angel that it was anything *but* fun in the teenager's mind.
"Be home by one."
"What do you care? You aren't my keeper." Will left without waiting for Angel to reply. The door slammed after the youth.
Sighing, Angel shook his head as he stared at where Will had been standing, "but I could be," he muttered, "so easily."
A soft voice from behind him said, "Don't worry, Ngel, he doesn't like me neither." The college boy turned back to Xander. The boy looked forlorn with his lower lip jutting out, "Will doesn't like nobody." With another sigh Angel kissed the top of the toddler's head.
~~~*~~~
The eleven year old sat far too close to him at the pizza place. A voice inside wanted him to physically move her away. But he didn't want to hurt her feelings. Laughing slightly he watched as she counted on her fingers. "There is a far easier way to do nine's times table. Hold your hands up in front of you." He held his own out as a demonstration. "Ok, put any finger down. Ok going left to right what number finger is it that you just put down?"
"Seven?"
"Right. So this is nine times seven. Now everything on the left of the downed finger is your ten's value and everything on the right is the one's. So how many on the left?"
"Six."
"On the right?"
"Three."
"So what's seven times nine?"
"63?"
"Good girl! Try another." Looking up he scanned the place for his young ward. Xander was swimming in the ball pit. A slow smile crept onto Angel's face as he reached for a slice of pizza.
"Done!" announced Liz as she slammed her math book shut. "Would you please help me with my science?"
"It's Friday! Eat another slice of pizza and go play a game," he said dismissively.
That wasn't a viable option for Liz. Angel only paid attention to her when she needed help with her homework. It made no sense. He doted on Xander. He got peeved at Will. So why didn't he feel anything for her?
~~~*~~~
Once the little boy was bathed and dressed in warm pj's Angel got him into bed. "Story?" asked the older boy.
"Story!" agreed Xander with great gusto as he thrust a book into Angel's waiting hands. "Ngel?" he said softly, "I gots a question: why does yer hair stay that way?" He poked the brunette's forehead for emphasis. "Shouldn't you wait until your brother is her to ask that question?"
"Oh," said Xander seriously, "This isn't one of *his* questions." He waited patiently expectant of the reply.
"I use strong hair gel." Angel saw the disappointment in the young face and quickly added in a matter of fact tone, "Which is eating through my scull and into my brain. I'll be dead within three years."
Wide eyed Xander asked, "Really?"
"Totally," deadpanned Angel.
"Cool!"
"How did I know you would say that?" asked Angel with a laugh.
"Cause yer smart!"
~~~*~~~
"Liz, if you need anything I'll be next door." Angel gave her a small rather forced smile.
As he came out of the room he banging directly into the bleached wonder. "Don't you ever look where you're bloody headed?"
"Sorry," said Angel with a put upon air, "I didn't see you there."
"Are you calling me short?"
With a shrug the college boy said, "Only a little."
"You're a total arse."
"Yes, I am." Angel nodded in agreement.
"Fuck you."
"You'd like that wouldn't you?" William blushed slightly and Angel felt instantly repentant. "Sorry, I forgot how touchy high school boys are. Sorry."
"S'ok," sneered Will but he wouldn't look Angel in the eye, "S'not like I'd touch you with a bargepole even if I was a poof. . . but'm not."
"The feeling is more than mutual."
"Well that's good. Now it's cleared up I'll go up to my room."
"What happened to band practice?"
"Oz has food poisoning. Thought he was ok but then he vom- ed all over his own amp. Learn for his mistake, don't eat sushi off the naked body. It gets warm too quickly."
"I'll keep that in mind," Angel gave him a wry smile as he spoke. Will blushed again, mortified at the words that had just fallen out of his mouth. Shaking his head Will practically flew upstairs. "Keep it down," Angel called after him, "Xander just fell asleep." For a minute Angel just stood still. Had he just exchanged civil words with Will? Curiouser and curiouser. A vision of the boy laughing popped into his mind. With that thought he marched into the kitchen, shut the door softly, and then banged his head repeatedly on the counter as he gave himself strict instructions.. "Don't fantasize about minors. Don't lust after straight minors. Don't go after straight minors who hate you. Don't lust after Joyce's straight minor son who hates you." He rubbed his forehead as he straightened up. "He won't ever want you."
Upon walking back into the living room he smiled at Liz again, "I thought you were studying?" she asked.
"Yeah," he sounded genuinely confused, "so did I. . . has Will always been-"
"A fag?" she cut him off.
"I was going to say petulant. He's gay?"
"Have you seen the way he dresses? He's as bent as a twig." The eleven year old turned back to the tv, angry that her love wanted to talk about her brother.
"He has a girlfriend."
So?" asked Liz. "Do you honestly think that counts for anything?"
"Hmmm," Angel sighed and turned away. He walked back into the kitchen and opened his books to study. Leaning over to retrieve his pencil from the other side of the table he heard an odd sound coming from upstairs. He couldn't resist investigating. He had always wanted to be a privet eye, with a hat if possible. As he crept up the stairs he heard it again, guitar. Soft and clear music hit him.
"And if I swallow anything evil," Will's voice carried well and Angel found himself smiling, "put your fingers down my throat."
Angel stood listening, smiling, as Will continued to sing. After the song had ended Angel checked that Xander was sleeping. The little boy was curled up and sucking his thumb. Mr. Buttons, Xander's hippo, had fallen off the edge of the bed. As Angel tucked the stuffed animal back under Xander's arm he sighed. Pushing the kid's dark curls away Angel kissed his forehead. He had no illusions. There was no nice girl in his future. No wife. No children. No family of his own. So he was taking full advantage of being Xander's protector.
"Cute little bugger, isn't he? It's deceiving as all hell. He's a total blighter when he's awake. Ya know he's never kept a sitter for more than a week in the past?" Will spoke softly lounging in the doorway. He had his arms crossed over his chest.
"Really?" asked Angel, "I've been here a month."
"You're different."
A long silence stretched between them as they considered the implications of the statement. Angel stood and walked over to Will, shutting the door behind himself. Leaning against it he said softly, "He's a good kid. He's hard work, no doubt about it, but I like him. I mean, aside from his litany of embarrassing and strange questions, his apparent death wish, and his inexhaustible energy, he's easy to get along with. He's funny and we're on the same intellectual level." Will laughed slightly and Angel smiled, "He's not the one I have trouble with."
"Sorry," Will said looking away. "I've been a bit of a prat."
For a moment Angel was confused and then quickly said, "No, teenage boys never get along when one enters another's territory. Were like cats in that way."
Laughing Will said, "You aren't a teenager."
"Twenty two," shrugged Angel.
"So, what's so hard about Buffy?" Will couldn't help his smirk.
"She has a crush on me and I feel badly but it's really annoying."
"Yeah," Will said slowly, "Xander's three male sitters left 'cause of that." He saw Angel eyes go wide and laughed, "Don't feel special. She jones for a lot of guys. . . pretty much anyone she isn't related to by blood." Angel grimaced, still pitying the girl. "Look, you'll need to address it at some point because she *will* try and seduce you. It would be best to do it like a Band- Aid. Quick. You have to break a few eggs to make a cake."
"But there's no cake, just a smashed egg."
"The cake is a "relationship"." He put quotes around the word. He had been spending far too much time with his girlfriend, Cordelia. "Let her know that you don't want her before she finds out that you want someone else. That way she feels like you don't want anyone, not that you don't want her."
"That's very," Angel sighed and acted put upon as though it hurt him to say the words, "Wise I suppose."
~Part: 3~
Angel went back down to check on Liz and tell her that she had an hour until bedtime. Will went back to his room. After the odd conversation with his brother's sitter he had gone up to practice. Not wanting to wake Xander he had opted for his acoustic guitar. And the first song that popped into his head was a miserable. He had heard Angel on the stairs but continued to play. Resolutely he had finished the song before going to find out what Angel was doing. As soon as he had left his safe bedroom Will had wished he hadn't. Xander's room was directly across from his own. The door was ajar and Will watched Angel sit on his brother's bed. Watched as the man kissed the child's face. Saw the look of sad resign. He didn't want to feel for, to like, Angel. He liked hating the man. He didn't want *this* to happen again. He didn't want to want someone who was too good for him.
As he put his guitar away he revisited both of their civil conversations. It was bad. He had been so prepared to hate the older boy. Angel came into his house, was his mother's prodigy, his sister's god, his brother's favorite. It should have been easy to hate him. And he had tried to be as offensive as possible. If Angel had hated him then Will could have focused on that and hated in return. It had always worked before. If no one liked you then no one could hurt you. And in the past people had been very obliging by hating him for all the right reasons and not knowing anything about the real him. But Angel had never given up on being pleasant, annoying but pleasant enough. He hadn't written Will off. Why not?! Angel had always been pretty much nice, condescending, but nice. . . Angel was straight.
Will's heart always fucked him over. He had the amazing talent of falling for the wrong person. It was Liz's job to want Xan's babysitters, not his. And for Chrissakes, Will had a girlfriend! Cordelia loved him. . . and he liked her a lot. She was his best friend and he didn't want to lose her. Angel wouldn't want him; he was a little boy. And Angel wouldn't want a child.
As Will stripped he caught sight of himself in the mirror. Why would *anyone* in their right mind want him? He pulled off his boots after unzipping, unbuckling, and untying all of the fastenings. Violently he threw them across the room where they were quickly joined by his shirt and leather pants. Naked, he stood in front of his mirror. If he were Angel, he wouldn't want the guy he saw in the reflection. He sat down at his desk and pulled the studs out of his eyebrow and lower lip. With skilled hands he deftly removed all of his make-up. It had been an awfully long time since he had looked at himself without his mask on. Not since. . . not since Cecily Adams had kicked him in the teeth when he was 15. He didn't like himself; nobody liked him. When he wore his mask it gave people a reason to hate him. They hated him for looking different. They weren't judging him for being gay, for being stupid, for being who he actually was. He liked that, wore the title of "freak" proudly. It was safe.
"I wouldn't want me," Will said softly as he looked away from the mirror. With a sigh he wiped his face clean of the tears he wouldn't admit to shedding. His head dropped to the desktop with a bang. There was a soft knock at the door. It wasn't his sister's knock. Looking around he found black flannel pants. He flipped the three locks on his door into being open and slid the deadbolt back as he tied up his drawstrings. Angel was standing in the doorway, looking daunting. "Yes?"
"You're banging."
"Excuse me?"
"Liz is going to bed and if Xan wakes up you're in charge of him," Angel said in the low, even voice he used when he was slightly peeved.
"Sorry, I-"
Angel cut him off, "Are you alright? Only, you look miserable."
Tiredly Will said coldly, "'M fine."
"Are you upset about practice being canceled? Is Cordelia ok?"
"Angel, and I mean this in the nicest possible way, fuck off. You aren't *my* sitter."
"No, but I could be your friend."
"Bloody hell, man, can you be *any* more condescending? Piss off. I don't need a bleedin' mentor, I've gotten this far without one."
Angel was silent and he cocking his head to one side asked, "Why do you wear so much make-up when you look so good already? Haven't you ever heard of gilding the lily?"
". . . Are you comparing me to a flower? How much poofy- er can you get?"
"I'm just saying. . . keep the banging noises to a minimum." Angel turned and walked silently away.
Will swallowed harshly and went back inside his room. After relocking the door he picked up his phone. For once Liz wasn't prattling to one of her idiot friends. Within minutes a monotone voice answered, "Yeah?"
"Oz, it's me, Spike."
"Yeah?"
"How are you feeling?"
"Um. . . ok. Not sick."
"So can I talk to you about something heavy?"
"Yeah."
"I've fallen in lust with my brother's male babysitter."
"Cordy?"
"Doesn't know."
"So. This is a Cecily repeat?"
"Yeah. . . But Angel's not likely to tell me I'm beneath him. He's likely to laugh. Or worse, he's be *nice*."
There was a long silence and Oz finally said, "Fuck."
~~~*~~~
"Willow, what am I do?" Angel asked dejectedly over the breakfast table at his best friend.
"Well you aren't studying for your test."
"I'm seeing Joyce tomorrow."
"Maybe you should talk to her about this," said Willow as she sipped her coffee.
"Great idea, Wills. 'Joyce, thanks so much for the help. B.T.W. do you mind if I seduce your underage son who is as straight as the roads to Rome?' That'll go well. 'Oh, Angel,' Joyce'll say, 'great idea. While you're at it would you teach Liz to freebase? And maybe I could rent Xander to you for drug smuggling, no one would suspect a man with a baby of carrying cocaine!'."
"You might want to say "by the way" instead of "B.T.W." That'll make it more formal."
"You are a total bitch, Willow." Angel was in a genuine bad mood now. "I just don't see a point in pursuing him," he said sadly.
"I don't think he's all that strait," said Tera walking into the kitchen and kissing the top of her girlfriend's head.
"He freaked out when I made some comment about him wanting me. And when I went up later he'd been crying." Angel dropped his head into his hands, "Idiot."
"No you aren't," Tera assured him. "When boys fight they don't defend themselves: they just attack each other. So the normal response would have been to say that he would rather bed your mom. The way he reacted?" She paused and considered her words, "Me thinks the lady doth protest to much."
Stunned Angel gave an eloquent, "What?"
"He's thought about you. He wants you. And he got scared and defensive when you called him on it. He likes you."
"What?" Angel shook his head trying to sort out the facts, "I have a chance?"
"You aren't going to study are you?" Willow sighed. She cut off her own question. "Are you ever going to want someone normal?"
"He's normal," Angel felt slightly hurt be her insinuation.
Rolling her eyes Willow said, "I walked you there one night. I've seen him: he's not normal."
Defending the boy Angel said, "You're right. He's not normal. He's amazing; he's so good looking and when he takes off all the make-up he looks so young and vulnerable. I want to take care of him. He's so smart and quick witted. And he can be so wickedly malicious when he makes his sister cry. Questions he has Xander ask me are so funny and awful. He sings like. . . like something good but not an angel. There is too much anger for his voice to be considered pure. But it's sinful and dark and I would bathe in it if I could. All that anger scares me and I want to be the one to make him happy."
Unconvinced and worried, Willow said something stupid. "You've made unwise choices in the past." Upon seeing the hurt reflected in her friend's eyes she instantly regretted her words. Tera left the room quickly. "I'm sorry. That was out of line and came out wrong."
Angel was silent for close to a minute before he spoke quietly. "Darla was an abusive bitch. But she promised to show me a new world and she did. Admittedly, I wish I'd never seen that world."
"She killed your parents."
"And I killed her. All's fair in love and war. There's a war between us and the dead and I killed her. She killed them, I murdered her, we're square."
"Penn-"
"Loved me. He was psychotic and did evil things but he did love me."
"He was obsessed with you. Not love."
"What do you want me to say, Wills? What are you driving at? That my parents dies when I was ten and left me emotionally stunted? That I went on to lose my virginity six years later to the thing that killed them? That I'm a slut who doesn't remember most of the sex he's had because he was drunk at the time, and only really did it because he didn't want to be alone in his own bed? That the only person who made me feel good again was a psychotic kid who would have killed me had he not fancied me? That I've never been loved? That no one normal would want me because I spend my time studying, working, and killing things that are dead already? We don't all meet our Teras when we're 16. Most of us need to get fucked over a few times. I just want someone who I can love without being completely broken by it. Is that all right?" His words ran out and he was left miserable. "I know it's your job to worry for me but please don't judge him before you've even met him."
Feeling terrible, Willow rounded the table and gave her usually quiet friend a tight hug. "I'm sorry. I am being a bitch. You know that I love you? And my parents love you."
"That's different," Angel smiled slightly. The Rosenburgs had taken him in as a child and raised him as their own, excepting religion of course. They had always been distant with their daughter. But when her best friend's family was slaughtered they had reevaluated life and become much more intimate with their daughter. Angel had saved their family in his own way.
"Yeah, well. I want to meet Will. I worry about you. When you love someone you give them your soul. Sometimes I wish I could keep you grounded. Wish I could affix your soul to you with a spell. An Orb of Thesulah." The witch in her started thinking.
"That new age paper weight on your desk?" Willow rolled her eyes. Angel had been hunting the forces of darkness since he was 13, the minute a boy in their class had been turned and it finally clicked in Angel's mind about what had truly happened to his parents. Yet he had never embraced the beautiful side of the occult. Only focused on the negative. "You can meet him," he said finally with a slight nod. As he looked at his watch he said, "I'm gonna go to work, then the library. Come clubbing with me tonight?"
~~~*~~~
"No! No, please don't kill me!"
"Are you gonna eat them or just torture them?" asked Oz as he watched Will repeatedly stab his pancakes and squeak in a high pitched voice. "Spike, you're exactly like your little brother."
As he pushed his plate over Will asked a redundant question, "I should dump her, shouldn't I?" sighing he said, "She's going to skin me alive for this. . . Let's go clubbing tonight. Not the Bronze, she may be there."
"How about the Well?" asked Oz with an eyebrow raised minutely.
~Part: 4~
The Club was loud, dark, and safe. Will knew no one in the Well of Loneliness: he wasn't a regular at Sunnydale's gay nightclub. The barman didn't card and Will wanted to be drunk. He had taken her to dinner. And when he had softly, sadly told her that they couldn't be together Cordy had cried. Then she hit him for making her eyeliner run. She had agreed to stay friends when he cried to, causing his own kohl to smudge. Friendship overcomes love. Thankfully, they had never slept together. Will would have felt even more guilty about his actions if they had. Oz was in the corner chatting up some blond guy proving, yet again, that he could have anyone he wanted. And as the guy looked up Will had the horrible realization that he knew the boy. He looked down at the bar hoping that the senior boy hadn't seen him. But even as he prayed Larry walked over to him.
Larry was one of the two people who had told Will that he was beneath them. Will had had the biggest crush on him. It had always seemed like Larry knew himself; was happy with who he was. Who wouldn't be happy being the star of the football team? They had been friends when Will had arrived in the states during his freshman year. But when Will kissed him Larry had punched him in the face and told Will that he was disgusted. Larry, Mr. So-out-my-grandmother's- setting-me-up-with guys, didn't like him. The proof of what a loser Will was stood, walking towards him.
"Hey," said Larry softly while speaking directly into his ear over the music. "How've you been?"
"Fine," Will tried to not shrink back, "how've you been?"
"Your band is amazing. And you've got a great voice." Larry touched his hand.
Will lost the battle of wills with his body and shirked away from the touch. As he opened his mouth to reply a voice suddenly broke in sounding authorities. "Please stop touching him."
Will had never thought he would be so pleased with seeing Angel. "Hi, Angel."
"Hey," there was anger in his voice and fire in his eyes. He glared at Larry who looked between the pair and proceeded to leave quickly. Turning back to Will he asked, "What are you doing here?"
"The band's trying to get a gig," lied Will.
"Bull."
Sighing Will saw that he was wrong when thinking of Angel as his savior he said, "Fine. Cor and I broke up and I didn't want to see anyone I knew. . . so I came here and got accosted by Larry."
"Who is he?"
"A senior from school. . . I kissed him once." Angel just nodded. So Liz had been right about Will's sexuality, Angel thought he might be able to fly in that instant. Will asked a question that quickly had Angel back on the ground. "Why are you here?"
"My friend's here with her girlfriend. You shouldn't be here."
"Are you gonna tell my mother?" Will asked raising a scared eyebrow.
"Sunnydale is dangerous at night."
Rolling his eyes Will pulled a stake out of his boot, a cross from under his shirt, and a spray can of garlic Pam out of his other boot. "Like a boy scout I am, prepared and ready." He blushed deeply, "That sounds really bad."
Eyes wide at this sudden burst of information Angel shook his head, "You shouldn't be here. I'm taking you home."
Angel took his arm but Will just pushed him off. "I can't go home. Mum thinks I'm sleeping at Oz's."
"Are you?"
"I wasn't planning on sleeping anywhere."
Silence stretched between them and finally Angel said, "Come home with me."
"Are you picking me up?" asked Spike with a mixture of coyness and disgust that he had to congratulate himself for. With Angel standing so close he wanted to melt into the older boy but instead he managed to keep a slight tone of loathing in his voice.
"Would you like that?"
"I just broke up with him girlfriend."
"Who did the breaking."
"I did," said Will looking down to the ground. Angel's gaze was making him feel funny. Like an animal in a cage, being studied. "I don't love her. And it wasn't right."
"That adult of you."
"Stop that!" said Will suddenly angry, "'M not a lit'le kid!"
"No you aren't. That's the problem," Angel reflected for a moment, "come stay at my place."
Confused by Angel's words Will looked the man up and down. "Ok. Thank you. Just let me-"
"Spike!" shouted a young girl. She waved at him and dragged another girl by the hand.
"Oh fuck, brace yourself."
"What is it?"
Swallowing convulsively Will said simply, "Fans."
"Wow, you guys are so skilled! You're the best band ever!! I love your voice!! I have your tee-shirt and everything!"
"That's sweet. What am I signing?"
"Will you sign my belly?"
He rolled his eyes and took her sharpie. Turning to his companion he said, "Just hold on one second, Angel." Leaning in Will smirked as he signed the girl's stomach.
"Spike, always the ladies' man," said Oz as he walked over. "who's your friend?"
"Angel, Oz. Oz, Angel," he introduced then but didn't look up from the girl's stomach where he was drawing a mic stand and a drum kit. He handed her pen back and said, "Have a nice night, girls." And as they left Will asked softly, "How's Larry?"
"I'm sorry, Will. He wouldn't leave me alone."
"S'ok, Gonna go crash at Angel's."
~~~*~~~
"So why do they call you Spike?" Angel leered at the younger man.
"Long interesting story or short one?"
"Long."
"There was this guy in the Bronze. He was at least 30. And he was hittin' on this little, little girl, He was so pushy. And she was really uncomfortable. And he was an arse. Totally drunk. Wouldn't leave her alone. He tried to grab her and as he did so he put a hand on the bar. So I slammed a railroad spike through it."
"Short?"
"I had blue spiky hair."
Laughing Angel said, "So which is the truth?"
"You pick," Will smiled slightly.
The night was dark as they walked along. Angel's apartment was about four blocks off campus. Willow's parents had refused to let him pay rent. They had nearly come to blows over tuition. The Rosenburgs had wanted to pay but he told them that if they did he wouldn't go. Before they died his parents had been quite wealthy, loaded some might say, and they had set up 12 different trust funds for their son. Now he owned the whole estate and would never have to work a day in his life. The Rosenburgs wanted to take care of him. They loved him like a son.
After all they had been in such an awful state before adopting him, they had been practically blind to their daughter. But his problems had to put theirs into perspective. Shelia used to call him her little angel, the nickname had stuck and the scared, lonely Liam had become Angel, Willow's common law brother. But their kindness always made him feel slightly uncomfortable. He wasn't their son. He had his own parents. And yes, they were dead but that didn't stop them from being his parents. He still loved them. And they had made sure he'd be ok.
"It's the second one on the left." He rested a guiding hand on Will's arm as they walked up the stairs. Angel had conveniently forgotten about the elevator as this gave him a better view of Spike's bum. The boy leaned into the touch. And Angel smiled: the night wasn't a waste.
~Part: 5~
Stop it. He doesn't want you. Stop it. Stop melting into him like a slut. This is stupid. This is Larry and Cecily all over again. Will tried to convince himself to act like an adult and step away from Angel. Instead he moved into the touch. Angel's hand was warm and comforting.. The night had been long and hard.
Breaking up with Cordy had been rough. He didn't love her but she was his friend. And she had stood by him. She was the flagship for the popular kids and yet Cordelia had dated the school's freak. Had held his hand in the hallways. Had told Harmony where to get off when the blonde had criticized her taste in men. Cordelia had pointed out that the group was the Cordettes not the Harmettes and that, in a moment's notice, she would crush Harmony's social life. She had been good to him.
And then he'd seen Larry. Larry, the first boy he liked, first to shoot him down, first to make him cry. He had some nerve: hitting on Will. After the way he had treated him Larry thought he could make small talk about Will's bangin' band? It was unacceptable. Then Angel had come to his rescue. And he had be. . . angry? Angel had been very angry while dealing with Larry. Why?
"Why were you so pissed at Larry?" He asked as Angel unlocked the apartment door, "I mean you were really angry."
"No one has the right to touch you. I was disgusted that he had the nerve to lay a hand on you.
Will smirked and looked pointedly at the hand on his shoulder, "Like you're touching me?"
"No."
"No? How is this different?"
"Because you aren't looking at me like you wish I were dead. And if looks could kill Larry would have . . . not dropped dead but been on a ventilator. And you, well, if looks could kill and you had a mirror you would have been in the ground and long forgotten. I didn't like that he was making you feel that way."
With a slight smile Will said, "That's the longest thing you've ever said to me -at least- the longest thing that wasn't about my siblings."
Not knowing how to answer Angel said, "Want a drink? Are you drunk?"
"I only had two drinks but I don't want another." Unable to let go of the subject he asked, "Why do you care if I'm upset?"
"I'm not a complete cunt," replied Angel.
"*Language!*" said Will with a laugh.
Angel rolled his eyes and opened a beer for himself. "Sit down," he nodded towards a couch. "Who the hell was that Larry guy?"
"He was the first friend I made in this country."
"How old were you left England?"
"Fifteen, we came halfway through the school year. Liz and Xander were young; they lost their accents really fast. And it was hard, moving like that. But Larry was really nice. He was a sophomore and already on the football team because he was really good. And he knew everybody. . . but then I fucked it up: I kissed him. Moron."
Raising a hand to interrupt Angel said, "If he's so straight why was he in the bar tonight?"
Will laughed bitterly, "He's as queer as a three bob note. I just. . . what were his words? Oh that's right: I wasn't the right ilk and I should have aimed quite a bit lower."
"But then you went out with Cordy," Angel smiled, "she's in a class far above that loser."
"No," corrected Will. "Then I had a crush on Cecily Adams. She was in my year, in my math class." He laughed again, "I wrote the worst poetry for her! My personal favourite was, "Her Beauty Effulgent." Oh well." Angel smiled at the lameness. "Well," justified Will, "My heart *did* grow a bulge in it!"
Laughing Angel asked, "How long were you together?"
"Oh hell no! Should wouldn't have touched me with a barge pole. Someone in the class stole my exercise book and read them all aloud. She asked me if they were about her and I wasn't smart enough to lie. We'd never really spoken: I'd just watch her. And I said that maybe if we got to know each other she'd like me. That's when she informed me that she knew me well enough to know that I was below her."
"That's fucking funny," said Angel sarcastically.
"Oh yeah, I have wonderful judgment in choosing my crushes."
"It's not that bad."
"Fine top it!" Will stole Angel's half empty beer bottle. "Tisk tisk, Angel, supplying a minor?"
With a long suffering sigh Angel stood to get another drink, "I've had two serious relationships," he said the word with a acerbic coldness that could burn through any table top. "They were both vampires and I had no clue. Darla killed my parent's and Penn killed his own."
Feeling him mouth go dry Will asked the question he didn't want answered, "What happened?"
Angel chugged half the beer before saying, "I killed them." He saw Will's face and misinterpreted the horror to be disappointment, "Sorry, I win the bad judgment contest."
"I'm so sorry about your parent's."
"Oh, well," Angel shrugged caught off guard by Will's sincerity. "It was a long time ago. And Willow's family were amazingly kind to me."
"That's something at least. How did we get onto this horrible subject?"
"That bastard Larry," Angel giggled. He giggled.
"Are you drunk?"
Shaking his head Angel said, "I'm just tired. I only had one drink before I saw you. Are you tired?"
"I could sleep."
"Are we adult enough to share a bed? I don't have a guestroom."
Smiling Will said, "I think we'll manage."
~Part: 6~
As they walked into the bedroom their fingers brushed together accidentally. Will's lower lip quivered slightly. A sudden image of Xander wailing popped into his mind unbidden. Shaking his head he tried to banish the image. Over the course of the night they had managed to discuss childhoods and had somehow come out to each other. Though, Will supposed, after meeting in the Well of Loneliness it would have been more difficult to *not* come out. He thought about what he had said to Angel the night before, breaking eggs to make a cake. Was that what he'd been doing to Cordy? Was he dumping her to get closer to Angel? Looking up he realized that Angel was watching him expectantly. "What?"
"Left or right?" asked Angel pointing to the bed.
"Left,"
"What are you wearing?" asked Angel as though he had only just taken in Will's outfit.
Will looked down. A red long sleeved mesh shirt sat over a black tank top with Sid Vicious' face printed on it. He had four inches of flesh showing between his shirt and his extremely tight leather pants. "It's technically called slut wear. But I choose to think of it as club gear." Will was afraid of the silence that stretched between them like a gapping black hole. He opened his mouth while trying to think of *anything* to say. Solving the problem Angel sealed their mouths together. Caught unprepared Will's eyes were wide open. Staring into brown he saw want and fear contained therein. He started to laugh into Angel's mouth. He was just so relieved that he wasn't about to get kicked. Angel started to pull back thinking the teen was laughing at him. Reacting quickly Will weaved his fingers into perfect hair. Mouths opened and questing tongues fought for dominance. "Want me?" Will asked breathlessly with his lips still against Angel's, he was scared witless that Angel would deny it.
"I've wanted you since we first met. But I've kept ignoring it. This is illegal and I thought you hated me. I was afraid you would pull a Larry and tell me to bugger off."
Shaking his head Will said, "I was too scared to like you. I didn't want to put myself in that position again." Will placed a finer on Angel's lower lip as he spoke.
A moment of perfect clarity occurred. Angel realized that Will had expected him to react like the others had. The boy had expected to be slapped down. Anger coursed through Angel that anyone would hurt his boy or tell him that he wasn't good enough. Threading his fingers into blonde hair he pulled the boy to him for a hungry kiss. "Can I have you?"
Panting slightly Will laughed, "Are you joking?"
"No, I want you so badly, please, Will." He slid his fingers under Will's shirt and stroked the boy's hot bare skin. "I'm never going to hurt you like the others did."
Will smiled, "I want you, Angel."
"Oh yea," said Angel flatly as he pulled the youth onto the bed with him. "How do you want to do this?" Angel asked as he nipped at Will's neck. He himself was beyond caring about who did what to whom. This wasn't about power or dominance it was about touching the boy in front of him. This was want, need. . . love. He loved Will, he could admit that -not out loud of course- to himself.
"I want to take care of me," Will spoke against the college boy's mouth. And Angel felt himself harden impossibly.
~Part: 7~
Will looked at Angel, making sure the other boy was asleep before he pulled away. As he moved to the far left side of the bed he pillow his head on his hands and turned his head on the brunette. The sheets smelled of their love. What had he done? Had he really broken up with Cordelia and fallen into Angel's bed five hours later? Was he really that big a slut? If he was honest with himself then, yes, he had dumped Cordy in hopes of getting the older boy. Angel would never want him after this. Why buy the cow when you're getting the milk thrown at you? He had been jonesing for Angel. And now the man wasn't going to want him. Angel wouldn't want a slut. Tonight Will had certainly proven that he was a whore. A few pretty words, half a beer, and Will had been on the boy like whitewash on a wall.
Hugging himself tightly he let the silent tears fall down his face. He wanted to be Angel's lover. And he had been -for one night- it wasn't enough. He wanted to be Angel's boyfriend. "Will?" Angel's voice was groggy. He reached out and blindly pat the bed trying to find the boy. When his hand hit warm flesh he smiled. "For one second I thought you left."
"Should I have?" asked Will confusedly. Was he meant to leave? Did Angel not want him there?
"No! Please. Can I hold you?" he asked opening his eyes slowly. "Say no if you want. I know a lot of people can't stand it. But I just want to hold you. The way I see it, half the point of sex is getting to. . . snuggle (for lack of a manly word)."
Without a word he moved into Angel's arms and rested his head on Angel's broad chest. "'Ve you been crying?" asked Angel softly when he felt the dampness on Will's cheek.
"No," Will's answer was short and empty.
"You don't need to lie to me," Angel said as he laced one hand into Will's hair and rested the other around the boy's slight waist.
"I like this snuggle thing of yours."
~~~*~~~
"Rupert?" asked Joyce as she read her morning paper. "Where's Will?"
Giles thought, blowing on his coffee. "I believe," he said after a moment, "that he slept at Oz's dorm last night." "At Oz's? Did they have a gig?"
I don't know. His number is on the fridge." Giles pointed vaguely off to the side.
"I'll give them a call just to find out what Will's plans are for today." She dialed quickly and spoke animatedly with the boy. "Oz? Hi, honey. It's Joyce. Is Will awake?"
"He didn't sleep here. We saw Angel at the club. They talked and left."
"Do you know where they went?" asked Joyce slightly nervously.
"They went back to Angel's to talk some more."
"Oh," Joyce spoke slowly, "well, I'm meeting Angel for Brunch. . . thank you, Oz." Turning to her husband she hung up the phone. "He slept with Angel -at Angel's-," she amended quickly. "He stayed at Angel's last night."
"My," Giles pulled off his glasses and started to clean them. "Goodness, there are an awful lot of things I expect from our yobo of a son but this wasn't one of them. I thought he thought Angel was an anorak?"
"So did I, he's repeatedly voiced his adament feelings about the boy."
"How odd."
"It's no good, I'm calling Angel."
~Part: 8~
The phone's ring was too high pitched. Angel wanted to kill something every time it rang. And being woken up by the noise was extremely unpleasant. He didn't want to let go of Will but he had to relinquish his hold on the boy to pick up the receiver. God save the caller who would disturb him so early on a Sunday morning. He had to lean over Will's sleeping form to reach the damn thing. With a small smile Angel kissed the boy's shoulder. Sighing heavily he sat up fully and answered the handset. The hideous ringing stopped.
"Yeah?" he asked blurrily.
"Angel, it's Joyce. This might sound odd but-"
"He's here," Angel interrupted. He should have asked Will to call home. It was stupid she had probably been worried.
"Oh good, could I speak to him?"
"Yeah," he looked down at the boy, "let me just go wake him." Covering the mouthpiece with the palm of his hand Angel leaned over and stroked Will's face. "William," he said in a singsong voice. Will's eyes flickered open and he pulled his thumb out of his mouth. "Must run in the family," commented Angel.
"What?" asked Will sleepily.
"Nothing," replied Angel and he couldn't resist kissing the discombobulated blond on the lips. Still groggy from sleep Will somehow managed to wind his fingers into chocolate hair and pulled the older boy to him for the best kiss he'd had in. . . hours. "Your mom's on the phone," panted Angel as they broke apart to breathe.
Rolling his eyes Will sat up and slid into Angel's lap as he took the phone. Their chests were flush against each other as Will rested his head on the brunette's shoulder. He figured that if Angel was going to kick him in the teeth he would enjoy his stolen time. "Hey, Mum. . . later. . . I know I should have called. . . shouldn't you just be happy we've not killing each other?. . . He won't be late. . . Love you too." Hanging up he said, "You have to meet her in an hour." A slight pause was followed by Will's version of a get out a jail free card. He didn't want Angel to be mean. And he didn't want to make uncomfortable small talk, "I should go and let you get ready."
Feeling slightly scared Angel said, "Don't go. I'll be gone for two hours. You can watch TV or something." He ran his fingers down Will's face, "We'll do something, we'll get breakfast." No teenage boy could refuse free food. He knew he was clasping at straws but he didn't want Will to leave.
"You're meeting her for breakfast."
"Yeah, but I work there. I don't want to eat it."
Will laughed, "Make it lunch and I'm yours."
Nearly swallowing his tongue Angel said, "Ok," and smiled. "It's a date."
"You're far more likely to be three hours. I'm gonna go home for clean clothes."
"Ok," Angel couldn't stop smiling as he stood, "but right now come shower with me?" Will took his hand and let Angel drag him out of bed. Will's hair fell about his face in gentle curls. "You should let your hair go natural."
Will shook his head laughing, "I look like I'm twelve."
"You look sexy as all hell," Corrected Angel. Scanning *his* boy up and down he said softly, "My roommate Willow may be about. So you might want to put pants on. She says she's a lesbian but I think that's just a ploy to see naked men."
Will laughed again. He walked across the room, pulled on a pair of Angel's jeans that swam on his hips, and crossed back to wrap his hands around Angel's waist. Standing behind the older boy he whispered, "Good morning," and kissed Angel's cheek. Having no idea where he stood was scary but Will still couldn't keep his hands off the college boy.
As Angel leaned back into the embrace he kissed Will's neck. "You smell so good. You smell of . . . us. Maybe I shouldn't send you home smelling like that." He chuckled, "Into the shower with you."
~~~*~~~
Hanging up Oz growled, "I am so fucking sick of this."
"Of what?" asked Larry, whom Oz *really* shouldn't have brought home.
"Spike's mom calling up looking for her son. Why can't he cover his own ass for once? Would it be so fucking hard to call home? Meanwhile he's with some guy who he barely knows. And I wonder what Angel will think when he finds out about Will's dirty little secrets."
"Do you realize you only speak in full sentences when you talk about him?" Oz just shrugged. "So he broke up with his girl last night and was gonna stay here? Were you going to Prince Charming him?" Oz was silent. "You should tell him how you feel."
"And you should mind your own fucking business. You're the only one in this room to have significantly screwed him over. So my thoughts as to my actions are more valid than yours."
People always thought Oz was an introvert. In truth it was just that he generally was cruel enough to voice his real opinions.
~~~*~~~
Happiness reflected in Angel's eyes. He smiled as he caught sight of himself in the hall mirror. There were smudges of Will's make-up on his face and shoulders, his hair was a mess, and he was pretty sure he had dry cum on him clavicle. And he didn't care. Neat freak Angel didn't care because he looked well and truly loved. He didn't care if it was just an image. He didn't care if Spike was using him, if Spike had meant to run last night; he felt good. If it weren't for his brunch with Joyce he wouldn't have bathed. But it would be impolite to face the woman while reeking of her teenage son. He saw Willow toasting a bagel in their tiny kitchenette. He smiled; he was gonna get to show off his boy.
"Morning, Willow." He couldn't help but laugh when she jumped. She was so easily startled. During high school the redhead had started studying the occult. Her best friend had never liked it. Angel didn't like anything that related to vampirism. She had promised him that she would be vigilant and keep away from the dark arts. She had slowly become a powerful white witch. Tara and she had met through their tutor Jenny Calendar. Under her careful supervision they had grown into fine Wiccans. And yet Willow still jumped out of her skin when caught unaware. Her bagel popped out of the toaster, Angel grabbed it and took a bite. Pulling a face he asked, "Why do you keep getting whole wheat?"
"Because otherwise I'd never get a bite."
"That's a very good point." Angel nodded, "Hey, I want you to meet someone."
Willow looked over Angel's shoulder and said, "Oh, Will, hi. It's nice to finally meet you."
Smirking Will studied Angel as he asked, "How do you know my name?"
"Angel never shuts up about y-"
"We'll see you in a little bit. Goodbye, Willow," said Angel effectively cutting off her words.
As Angel pulled him along Will said, "It was nice nearly meeting you! We'll talk later." He laughed again as Angel slammed the bathroom door. "Look at you! Getting all in a strop because she *almost* told me that you're crazy about me. Have I told you how cute you are when you blush?" He shrugged out of the jeans, sat on the sink counter, and kissed Angel's nose. With an indignant yelp the blond found himself being pulled under the spray.
Running a flannel over Will's face the older boy said, "Yeah? So who's cute now buddy boy?"
"What are you doing?" asked Will even as he leaned into the washcloth in Angel's hand.
"I'm getting rid of the remnants of your make-up that are making you look like a crack whore the morning after. And am now getting to see all of you."
Will tried hard to ignore the feeling of warmth he felt knowing that he was blushing. "You're an odd boy, Angel." He reached up and started to wash Angel's hair. A weird silence swept over them and Will said quietly, "Thank you for taking such good care of me last night. And for making all this morning after stuff so easy. I never had to do it before. Ya know?"
"So you were trying to run out last night!" Angel felt his heart sink and was glad that he was a light sleeper. If he hadn't woken up Will would have left, "Do you always run?"
"No, I mean. Um," Will felt his blush resurface.
Studying the boy's embarrassment Angel had an epiphany. "Oh! I didn't realize. Mister, you've just won the who's cutest competition."
Looking down with a bitter laugh Will said, "I kinda come off as slutty."
"No!" Angel said quickly, "You're just very jaded and you seem like you've been burned quite a few time." He ran his hands over Will's inner elbow and the boy flinched as if hit by a painful memory. He put the knowledge into his file on things he didn't understand about the blond. "You aren't slutty- well except for what you were wearing last night- we should go to the beach!"
"I thought we were going for lunch?"
"This is way too big of a deal for lunch! Let's go to the beach, it'll be fun!"
A slight nod answered his enthusiasm as Will turned off the water. "Go meet Mum. I'll see you back here in three hours with a picnic in hand."
Pulling at the bolt in Will's lower lip with his teeth Angel paused and whispered against the boy's lip, "You look so beautiful like this." He caught a drop of water that was running down Will's face with his tongue. "So innocent and lovely."
"You're sweet," said Will as he dropped a towel on Angel's head.
"You're sweeter," Angel wrinkled his nose and Will rubbed his hair dry.
~Part: 9~
The house was silent. Liz was asleep. Xander was at a play date. This all meant that Will needed to be as quiet as a snake in the grass because he didn't want to face his father so early in the day. As he turned the key in the lock he heard the house alarm go off. Bloody typical, so much for being a snake, maybe a rattlesnake.
"Ah, William, good. I wanted a word with you this morning. Um. . . what happened last night? I think I know, but I'd like some explanations."
"What do you want clarified?" asked Will with a put upon sigh.
"Weren't you going for dinner with Cordy?"
"We went for an early supper."
"So why did you going clubbing with Oz?"
"I told you I was going to. Cor and me broke up and I went out with Oz to cheer up."
"So where did you go?"
"The Well of Loneliness."
"The gay bar?"
"Yep."
"Why?"
"No real reason, I wasn't trying to pull if that's what you're getting at."
"No," his father said calmly, "I meant why didn't you go to the Bronze?"
"Because I didn't want to see Cordy."
"So where did you meet Angel?"
Laughing bitterly, Will said, "Your perfect babysitter's a fag."
"Don't use that word."
"Does it hit too close to home? Does it scare you?" Will didn't understand his own anger. Just a moment before he'd been in such a good mood. His father's questions made him mad. He could understand why his father wanted answers. His father had every right to pry into his business, he'd done truly stupid things in the past. And he knew that his dad was just worried about him. But he was still angry, maybe at himself, at how stupid he had been. At the fact that he had a past which warranted his father questioning him after a night out. "Look, if you're trying to figure out if I did something illegal then, no, I didn't break any laws. And if all you're trying to do is be on the ball for when the cops call then you don't have to worry." He started to storm up the stairs but his father's voice stopped him.
"I do love you, Will."
Pivoting on his ankle he shook his head, "Is that your answer for all the toughest problems? You love Xander and you worship Liz. But you don't love me. And I can't fault you with that. I've never given you a reason to love me. All I've ever done was provided you with reasons to be ashamed of me. When you look at me you see a yob. You treat me with a mix of familiarity and disappointment. I understand your position but please don't tell me that you love me just to stop me from hating you. I don't hate you. I'm sorry, Da." He slowly made to go to his bedroom.
"Will?" Giles asked softly. "One more question?"
"Yeah?" He didn't turn around. Instead he stared at a picture of a dead girl on the wall.
"I know that you weren't trying to- but did you pull last night?"
"I slept at Angel's."
"That doesn't answer the question."
"Angel's a man."
"You still aren't answering."
"I'm going upstairs now and then later I'm going to go get a picnic and go to the beach."
"With Angel?"
"With Angel."
"He's a nice boy. You could do a lot worse."
The cliché was grating, "Since when am I gay?" Will asked his father angrily, "Until last night I had a girlfriend. And now I'm gay and apparently picking out china patterns with Angel?"
Giles said nothing for a moment and then, "Love has nothing to do with reason or actions. And despite what you think you do make me proud. I'm not very good with affection but I do love you. In the past your actions have left me hurt or confused, but I've always loved you."
"Ok."
"Is that all you have to say?"
"Yes."
~~~*~~~
She looked at him over the rim of her coffee cup. "Please don't hurt him," she said after they had been reviewing for close to two hours.
"Who?" asked Angel innocently.
"You know who," she said not quite coldly, "I know he seems very hardened and maybe, I don't know, uninterested? But he's a child. He thinks that I don't know about his life. But believe you me, he doesn't need to get hurt again."
Mouth dry he said, "I won't hurt Spike, Joyce."
"You better hope you don't." Her smile suddenly brightened. "I don't know why they call him Spike."
"Oh it's because he had blue spiky hair."
"Will never had blue hair," she shook her head getting back to business. "Ok, tell me everything you know about Monet."
~~~*~~~
The colour bleached out of his cheeks. There wasn't much there to begin with, even though he wasn't wearing make-up he still didn't have much blood in his face to begin with. Cordelia walked into Picture Perfect Picnics slightly out of breath. As she blew her hair out of her eyes Will felt his breath catch in his throat. She was beautiful.
He started praying to a god he'd long forgotten that she hadn't seen him. But just as the wish crossed his mind the young girl behind the counter called, "Giles, lunch for two." Cordelia looked up and smiled as she crossed to Will.
"Whatcha doing here?" she asked with another tight smile.
"Giles, lunch for two," repeated the girl.
"Oh so you're picking up for your parents?" She asked and he could hear the slight edge of desperation on her voice.
He couldn't lie to her, "No."
Swallowing convulsively she said, "God I'm a masochist." She smiled a self-deprecating smile and bit her lip trying not to cry, "I remember when you took me out for a picnic."
"It's not like that, Cor, this isn't some courting maneuver." It was true, he didn't need to seduce Angel.
"Will's there a new girl?"
"No, Cods, you're my only girl."
"Giles," started the girl sounding annoyed.
"That's me. Just hold on one bloody minute!" He put his hands on his ex-girlfriend's shoulders. "Can we go out to lunch tomorrow?"
"We have school," she turned away slightly and he laughed.
"And we've *never* cut lunch before!" he said sarcastically as though the very idea was scandalous.
"Fine," she pouted and there was a time when he would have caught her lip between his teeth but that time was past, "Take me some place expensive."
"You got it, Princess." He kissed her forehead.
"Giles, lunch-"
"For fuck's sake!" he shouted and stormed off to grab the meal.
"Who's it for?" she asked softly as he passed her on the way to the door.
Laughing he acted as though the question were silly, "Xander's babysitter, Angel, and me."
She smiled, glad that her ex wasn't eating with a date.
~Part: 10~
Willow opened the door sporting resolve face, "I want it on the record that I think beaching the night before a big test is a bad idea."
"What test?" asked Will looking perplexed.
"The one he's studying for with your mom."
"He's not back yet?" Will saw slightly scared of this extremely intense redhead.
"No, he's cramming."
"Oh," Will shuffled his feet and studied the floor, "Maybe. . . maybe I should leave the picnic and you could help him study." He swallowed hard and nearly chocked on his disappointment. It was stupid It was December, freezing. What was there to do at the beach in December? Retarded to get so excited about sand. He handed her the two bags and said, "Sorry."
Willow opened her mouth to apologize as she saw how upset he was. But Will almost ran down the hall, around the corner, and hit the call button for the elevator. Will kicked the door as he wished it would hurry up. They slid open and Will sighed in relief. "Hey." He looked up and saw Angel leaning against the back wall.
Shutting his eyes tightly Will just barely held back the tears that were threatening to fall. He was being selfish, Angel had a big test and Will just wanted to walk on the beach and pretend that Angel loved him. So instead of being selfish he kissed the edge of Angel's mouth. "I left lunch with Willow and she's gonna help you study for your big test. Call me later? I mean if you have time." And then he made a mad dash to the stairway.
Face like thunder Angel stormed into his and Willows apartment, "What the fuck just happened?"
"What?" asked Willow looking confused.
"I don't know, Wills, what made him run down the fucking stairs\way so that I wouldn't see him cry?"
"What?"
"What did you say to him?"
"I just said that I thought it was a really bad idea to go beaching the day before a test. And he got really upset and left." Angel sighed. "What?"
"He thinks you hate him. Or he thinks he's taking up too much of my time. Or he thinks that I asked you to brush him off for me. I have to find him."
"You have to study at some point, Angel."
"Will can help me on the beach." Angel grabbed the lunch bags.
~~~*~~~
Will parked his DeSoto and slammed his head into the steering wheel. Even being in the presence of his baby wasn't helping. His parent's had bought the car for him as an incentive to not slip up in this new life, a life away from the old one in England. They didn't want him to join a gang. . . his parents were clueless. If a boy lusted after a 1957 Firedome it wasn't really likely that he was apt to incite mindless mob violence. He wanted to sink into his leather bench seats and never face the outside world again. Instead he went up to the house. The door was locked and Will put his ear to the door and heard a soft ticking. His father had reset the alarm. Sometimes he hated his father's foresight.
Sighing, he braced himself for the noise as he turned the key in the lock. The ringing registered in the back of his mind, as did his father's presence as the man walked out of the kitchen. He walked straight up the stairs without stopping to look at the dead girl on the wall. He bolted his bedroom door and locked the three locks; he believed in privacy. Finding his cd player under a pile of dirty clothes he started to blast Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon. And wished he was dead as he lay on the floor crying.
He'd figured it out. There were two options. Either that Willow girl disliked him. Or Angel had told her to get rid of him. As he lay on his bed he considered both possibilities; neither made him happy. Was he a totally fool to believe that the night before had meant anything? He had wanted Angel to like him badly. He wanted to be liked for being who he was. Cordelia had loved him but he wasn't always sure why. He had a theory though. Angelina Jolie held starving children in refugee camps. Sarah Michelle Geller built houses for the homeless. Cordelia Chase hung out with a loser and smiled while doing it. All celebrities did charity work and she did hers with grace. She had met him just after his whole "Cecily Phase". And she had seen how scared and alone he was and she had taken him under her protection. Over time she had grown fond of him; had grown to love him. But she didn't love William, she loved the idea of him. Codelia loved her pet project.
He sat up and saw his own tear stained face in the mirror. He had no make-up on. The last time he had gone that long without make-up he had been 15. He didn't know who he was kidding: he wasn't strong enough to not wear his mask. He wasn't someone's lover. He was a no one, a rock star, a freak, a pet project, not Angel's boyfriend. As he pulled himself back together as he sat up and applied his veneer with shaking hands. His hands were skilled and he needed no mirror to know what he was doing. When he finally glanced back at the glass he smiled. Because he didn't see a guy who Angel would never love: he saw a freak. And just as he relaxed into the music he heard a knock at the door. And the knock was familiar.