Requiem for a Childe

Author: Janet Lynn

Rating: NC-17

Warning: This contains m/m slash.  If this offends your sensitive nature, please avert your eyes.  This includes spoilers for season finales for both shows, so if you haven't seen them yet, you may not want to read this.

Genre: BtVS/AtS

Disclaimer: All things BtVS and AtS belong to Joss Whedon (my god), Mutant Enemy, etc.  I own nothing, so please don't sue me.  I just want to play with the yummy beings that Joss created.

Spoilers: Season 7 of BtVS and Season 4 of AtS.

Distribution: Shara Nesu's Place Red's Soulmates, Permanent Insanity and list archives.  Everyone else, just ask.  I'm generous.

Author's Notes:  This idea came to me after I read it as a challenge on one of the lists I'm on.  For the life of me, I don't remember which list or who issued it, but this bunny would not leave me alone.  This is angst people, pure and simple.

A/N 2:  This idea is still in the works, so I'm not sure if I will continue it or not.  If you like this and think I should follow through with it, please let me know.  If enough people like it, I will finish it up right away.  I am not abandoning 'Thanks with Tears', I just needed to get this first part out of my brain.

Summery: Spike's dead.  Angel remembers.

A huge thanks to my sis Stephanie who is betaing for me.  You rock babe!

Thoughts indicated by <>

Flashbacks are in italics

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~Part: 1~

Angel sighed as he sat behind his desk at the Hyperion.  The room was full of boxes.  He had been packing for the move to the offices at Wolfram and Hart when the bus had pulled up in front of the hotel.  Buffy and the rest of the Sunnydale crew hobbled into the lobby, looking exhausted but happy.

After hearing the tale of how they had saved the world.again, Angel and the rest of his crew showed the battered people to the rooms abandoned by the throngs of Jasmine worshippers who had infested the hotel not so long ago.

Now that everyone was beginning to settle, Angel decided he needed to be alone.  He couldn't sit and listen to the stories and the memories any more. He wanted to brood and drink in private, so his office seemed his only safe haven.

Slowly, he reached down and opened the bottom drawer of his desk.  It was the first time he had opened that drawer since he had placed its only item in it when he first moved in.  He lifted out the leather portfolio and set it on the desk in front of him.  He reverently stroked the soft leather before opening the cover to reveal the treasures inside.

Angel began to breathe unconsciously as he picked up the top sheet of parchment.  It was yellowed from age and worn on the edges from excessive touching.  The face stared back at him and Angel was lost in the memory.

A gentle knocking brought the dark vampire out of his musing.  He looked up to see the watcher standing in the doorway, watching him quietly.

"Hello, Rupert" he said, smiling lightly at the man before him.

"Hello Angel" the Englishman replied.  "I wanted to say thank you and make sure that you were alright.  You don't happen to have any."

Angel already knew what the watcher was looking for and pulled out the bottle of Irish whiskey he had hidden for just such an occasion.  He quickly poured a glass for himself and his visitor.  When he turned around, he noticed Giles looking at the picture he had been holding when the man walked in.

"Remarkable" Giles said, slightly startled by the portrait in the hands. "Spike actually looked like this?"

"Yeah" Angel replied, a little uneasy about sharing this part of himself with the watcher.  He and Giles and never really gotten along, but this was personal and now, very painful.  "He was nothing like you knew.  He was quiet, gentle, and very accommodating.  That was William, not Spike."

"Do you want to talk about it?" the Englishman offered.  He knew that sire/childe relationships could be complicated, but Angel and Spike's went beyond that.  He never truly understood the extent of that relationship, but he knew that it must be hard for Angel to accept the death of his childe.

"You offering?" Angel asked, surprised by the man's offer.

"Yes" Giles said, sliding down into the seat opposite the desk, sipping the amber liquid and waiting.

<What the hell?> Angel thought and he sat down to show Giles the life of William the Bloody, his favorite childe, the champion <no, Buffy's champion> who was now no more than a pile of dust.

"He was a beautiful boy" the dark vampire started.  "So full of anger and pain.  All the that repressed Victorian sexual tension made him irresistible.  I had to have him."

"I thought Druscilla sired William?" Giles interrupted.

"Druscilla sought him out and drained him, but Angelus was the one who turned him" Angel quickly explain, irritated at the interruption.  "The funny thing is that we probably wouldn't have even noticed him if he hadn't bumped into me.  This little whip of a boy bumped into the Scourge of Europe and had the balls to tell me to watch where I was going.  I knew I had to have him."

From the shadows, a dark figure watched as the two people slid to the floor in a parody of a lovers embrace.

"Druscilla, love, what do ye think yer doin'?"

"I want this lovely boy for my own, daddy.  He's so full of pain and hate. He's going to be my boy."

"Why don't ye let me do that for ya'?  He'll be your brother, but I'll give him to you to keep."

"Yes, daddy.  I would like a new brother.  Wait 'til you taste him.  He's delicious."

Angelus was quick to comply.  He couldn't wait to taste this boy.  He looked so innocent and pure, just like he liked them.  Breaking into the skin with his fangs, the dark vampire moaned in ecstasy.  This boy was even more delicious than he imagined.  After a few pulls, the young Victorian was drained and his heartbeat had slowed enough for his turning.  Angelus raised a sharp fingernail and brought it across his own pale throat, producing a delicate cut.  He cradled the boy's head and brought his mouth to the slowly seeping wound.

"Drink, me boy and you will be mine for eternity" he whispered to the rapidly dying young man.  The boy did not hesitate and immediately latched onto the wound and drew the blood into himself before breathing his final breath.

Angel looked at the picture still gripped in the watcher's hand.  "That's William, alive and beautiful.  Right before I killed him."

~Part: 2~

Giles was surprised by the honest revelation from the dark vampire in front of him.  He and Angel had never really gotten on, especially after he spent hours tortured by those beautiful, but deceptively strong hands.  But Angel needed someone to talk to, and Giles decided he needed to listen.

The Englishman reached over and grabbed the bottle by the neck and refilled the now empty glass.  Looking at Angel, he held up the bottle in question and the man nodded minimally.  Giles filled his glass as well and settled down for the next story.  He was shocked by the shear size of the portfolio before him.

"Are all these portraits of Spike?" he asked.

Angel looked down at the pile in front of him and nodded.  Angelus had spent a lot of his free time sketching anything that took his fancy, and many times William had done just that.  "Vampires often have a lot of spare time" Angel said, as if that was explanation enough.  He picked up the next sheet of parchment and frowned at the sight.  He handed the picture to Giles and waited for the response.

"And now he's a vampire" the watcher stated.

"This was two nights later, right after he rose" Angel explained, the pain evident in his voice.

Angelus stood in the cemetery, fighting off the cold night air.  He hated London.  Whenever he was here, he felt like he would never get warm.  And yet he refused to move.  His childe was coming and he was going to meet him. He knew it was weak, but he couldn't wait to see his boy.  Just thinking about him was making him hard.

The dark vampire's hand unconsciously traveled down to mindlessly stroke his erection through his trousers.  Slowly the ground before him began to stir. Fingers breeched the dirt and grasped for purchase.  Angelus wanted to reach down and wrench his childe from the ground, but he couldn't.  He had to find his own way.

Inch by inch, the young Englishman worked his way out of his grave.  Finally out of the ground, he knelt on the earth, panting harshly, not realizing he had no need for breath any longer.  Raising his eyes, he saw the creature standing before him.  The word came to his mouth and was released before his brain could comprehend them.

"Sire" he whispered brokenly.

"Aye, childe" Angelus answered.  He was amazed at the beauty of the creature before him.  Angelus had a difficult time deciding if this boy was more glorious in his human guise or as he was now, in full vampiric visage. He smiled down at the delightful creature and held out his hand to the boy. William eagerly took the offered hand and allowed himself to be pulled upright.

"I'm hungry" he complained, not understanding the need so ingrained in his new body.

"Then feed" the master vampire commanded, pulling the boy to his neck once again.  Angelus knew he should force the boy to find his own food as his sire had done when he had first risen, but he longed to feel this boy attached to him once again.

William had hesitated momentarily when his sire pulled him to his throat, but he could not resist the temptation hidden there.  He leaned forward and gently pierced the dark man's neck with his fangs.  As he began to pull the addicting elixir into his mouth, William moaned in pure delight.  His moan was matched by the man clutching him close.  Far too quickly for his tastes, William was pulled away from the comfort of his sire's embrace.

"That's enough now, lad" Angelus chided.  "I think it's time for you to meet yer new family."

Giles stared down at the picture in his hands.  It was William, very similar to the previous picture, but in full game face with dirt clinging to his hair and cheekbones and drops of London fog clinging to his eyelashes like teardrops.  Even in his vampiric guise and dirty, he was stunning.  The watcher understood the vampire's desire for such a creature.

"Amazing" Giles whispered, still staring at the portrait of the man he knew, but could not recognize in this sketch.

"That's exactly what I thought" Angel whispered mournfully, quickly taking a drink from his glass to hide the lump in his throat.  "Exactly."

~Part: 3~

Once Angel had got his emotions under control, he took the picture from Giles and continued to file through the portraits in front of him.  He handed the pictures to the Englishman one at a time, smiling at some, scowling at others.

Giles looked at each one in awe.  They were each beautifully done and portrayed so much emotion and love.  Some of the pictures had small descriptions written in the bottom corner.  Things like 'William hunting' or 'Excellent kill'.  There were pictures of William brushing Drusilla's hair and a rather nice portrait of Dru, Darla and William dressed in their finest clothes.  That picture said 'Weatherford Ball' at the bottom.

The two men spent nearly five minute in silence simply sharing the act of viewing the life that Angel had caught on paper.  Suddenly, reaching one particular portrait, Angel froze.  He stared down at the picture with an unreadable expression on his face.  He refilled his glass and downed the contents quickly before studying the picture further.

Once he was done with his admiration of the picture, he looked at Giles and smiled.

"You know you don't have to look at all of these" he said quietly.  "Some of these are quite.graphic.  I don't know if you would want to see them or hear the stories that go with them."

"Angel" Giles started with a smile.  "We haven't always been friends, but you've always had my respect.  I've been a watcher for a long time and I've been around the block a time or two.  I highly doubt anything you say or show me would shock me as deeply as you think."

The dark vampire sighed heavily before handing the portrait to the Englishman.  He smiled as he saw the look of stunned amazement on the watcher's face.

"Oh my" Giles breathed as he gazed at the hypnotizing sight before him.  The picture was of Spike, naked. The blonde vampire was lounging in the most sumptuous looking high back chair Giles had ever seen.  His left leg was slung over the arm of the chair, his head was turned to the right as though he were hiding his gaze from the artist and his uncovered cock stood proud and glistening, brushing against the strong muscles of his abdomen.  The watcher admired the beauty of the body portrayed on the page.  The skin was stretched over perfect muscles and gave Spike the look of an ancient Greek statue.  Nothing marred the perfection of the boy, except for the angry looking bite mark on his neck which was still leaking small streams of blood.

After downing the contents of his glass, Giles looked at Angel with a smirk. "So I was wrong" he chuckled in a shaky voice.  He smiled at Angel and waited for the story.

Angelus smiled as he pushed his boy through the door of the mansion they were currently using as their lair.  They had been out hunting for the evening and it had not only been very successful, but very exciting.

The girls were out of town on a shopping trip that Darla had insisted on. They were in Paris while Angelus and William waited for them in Nice. William hadn't looked forward to being separated from Drusilla, but his sire had assured him that he would make it worth his while.

As soon as they arrived, Angelus had procured an enormous mansion and began to stock it with the appropriate furnishings and minions.  They wanted for nothing.

The hunt had been wonderful.  They always liked to hunt on their own.  The girls were vicious and able to hold their own, but there was something special about the two men when they went out without them.  They were the perfect complement to each other.  Angelus was dark and mysterious.  He had a seductive quality that had both men and women gravitating toward him whenever he was out.  William was small and inviting.  His easy, cultured manner calmed the normally suspicious nature of the upper class of anyone new and he and his friend were easily able to slip in and out of social circles without much notice.

Now that they were home after a satisfying hunt, Angelus' thoughts turned to another prey.

"Go to the room, boy" he whispered seductively to the blonde before him. "I'll be there shortly."

He watched as William smiled and turned to ascend the stairs to the room they had claimed as their own.  Angelus gave his nightly orders to the minions standing guard before following after his childe.

Walking into the room, he spotted William staring at his favorite thing in the mansion.  It was a beautiful, high-backed wing chair that was covered in the thickest, softest velvet he had ever seen.  Walking up behind the man, Angelus slowly wrapped his arms around the slim waist, resting his chin on his shoulder.

"You really do fancy this chair, don't ya' me boy?" he whispered gently in his ear before snaking out his tongue to trace the delicate shell of his ear.

"Yes, Sire" he answered, shuttering at the cool breath on his ear.

"Strip" the dark vampire commanded.

William quickly complied and began to remove his clothing, tossing them on the floor in his haste.  Angelus considered scolding his childe for his slovenly ways, but decided that could wait for now.

Once William was completely naked, he ordered, "On the chair."  When the blonde went to sit, he corrected, "No.  Turn around and kneel."

William shuttered at the images that bombarded him as he moved into position in the chair.  Angelus smiled at the willingness of the boy before him. <Always so willing to please> he sighed as he moved forward.

Hearing his sire approach, William tried to look behind him to watch the dark vampire strip.  Angelus scolded him and the boy quickly turned to face the back of the chair.  He was startled when he felt the cool hands grasp him by the hips.

"Such a beautiful boy" Angelus sighed as he slowly stroked the smooth skin he found there.  His hands started a gentle, steady rhythm as he massaged the taut muscles he found under the pale skin.

 As he rubbed down the smooth back and toward the round buttocks, William shivered in anticipation.  He loved the attention he received from his sire when it was just the two of them.  He moaned at the feeling of a single digit delving between his cheeks, seeking the tender hole hidden there.

"Grab the back of the chair, childe" Angelus whispered in the boy's ear as his hands slowly drifted around his waist.  First he circled the delicate navel before trailing up toward the small, flat nipples.  William moaned as the strong fingers teased and pinched the small nubs into hard peaks.

Satisfied with his work, the dark vampire scraped his fingernails down the tight abdominal muscles before settling his fingers in the dark blonde curls surrounding the younger man's cock.

"Are you ready fer me, William?" he asked as he gently began to stroke the hard flesh.

"Yes, Sire" the blonde cried, arching into the touch.

"I have a surprise fer ye, me boy" the dark vampire whispered as he leaned toward the table near the chair they were currently in.  He opened the drawer and pulled out a small glass vial.  He held it up for the younger man to see.

William looked at the object in his sire's hand.  Unsure what it was, he turned his head to give the other man a confused look.

"It's rose oil" Angelus explained quickly.  "I remembered how much you liked it."

William was surprised.  Angelus rarely took others pleasure into consideration.  His pleasure was paramount, and since others should want to please him, their satisfaction was in giving him pleasure.  He couldn't help the gasp that left his throat at the first feeling of slick fingers circling his aching hole.  He immediately arched back, trying to force more of the teasing finger where he wished it to be.

"Slow down, me boy" the dark vampire chuckled in the blonde's ear.  "We have all day, little one."

"No" William pleaded.  "I need you now, Sire."

Angelus smiled.  His boy was so well trained.  "How can I deny such a beautiful request?" he asked before breaching the tight ring of muscle with the slippery digit.  He chuckled again at the boy's moan before introducing a second finger.  He quickly prepared the blonde before removing his fingers.

The dark vampire placed a large hand in between the smaller man's shoulder blades and pushed him against the back of the chair.  William moaned at the feeling of the chair's soft velvet rubbing against his sensitive nipples.

This new position forced the boy's ass to push out even further.  Angelus couldn't wait any longer.  He quickly poured a generous amount of the oil over his extremely hard cock and positioned himself at the blonde's entrance.  Placing his hands next to William's on the back of the chair, Angelus leaned into him and swiftly entered him in one hard thrust.

Both men moaned out their pleasure at the sudden movement.  Angelus paused for a moment to regain his control before pulling back and thrusting back in the inviting boy.  He started a nice, slow rhythm of thrusts, rocking into the body over and over.

William was soon frustrated at the easy treatment and he began to push back onto his sire's cock, begging for more.  Angelus smiled as he moved his hands from the chair to the slim hips and began to speed up his thrusts.  He circled his hips during his thrusts, trying to find just the right spot inside the tempting body.

"Sire" the blonde cried out as his prostate was stroked by the dark man's cock.

Angelus knew that his boy was close to orgasm when he felt the gentle trembling that shook the smaller man's body.  He reached around to grasp the boy's hard flesh and stroke it in time to his harsh thrusts.  William cried out as he felt his orgasm coming, but whimpered as he found his cock suddenly in the tight grip of his sire, cutting off any chance for release.

"Not yet, me boy" the dark vampire chuckled at the blonde's tortured whimpers.  He quickly pulled out and moved the boy out of the chair.  He then threw himself into the chair and pulled the boy into his lap.  Sitting in the chair, he remembered why his boy loved this chair so much.  It was delicious.  William quickly impaled himself into his sire's cock before he was stopped by extremely strong hands.

Angelus began to direct the motion of the boy on his lap to start with a slow thrusting.  Soon, William couldn't take any more and began to speed up the action and began to rock faster, searching for that magic spot.  He cried out when Angelus pulled him closer and his prostate was stimulated again.

Both men moved together in a rhythm they knew too well.  As they neared their completion, Angelus whispered only loud enough of the blonde to hear "Offer yourself."

William immediately arched his neck, presenting his corded neck to the vampire before him.  Feeling his orgasm approaching, Angelus lunged forward to pierce the tender flesh before him.  As the sex warmed blood rushed over his tongue, he cried out his completion.  He quickly reached down to wrap his fingers around the hard cock pressing into their stomachs.

William was in sensory overload.  His sire's cock was pulsing inside him, his hand was on his cock and fangs were in his neck.  He cried out wordlessly as his cool seed shot out and covered Angelus' chest.

They lay pressed together in the chair for a long while, recovering from their frantic love making.  Angelus sighed as he picked up his childe and placed him back on the chair, needing to pick up the mess on the floor. William chuckled at his sire and his obsessive need for order.  When the dark vampire turned to scold his childe, William turned his face away, trying to escape the gaze of his sire.

Angelus gasped when he saw the scene before him.  William was draped over the chair, displaying himself and the bite mark for his sire's appreciative gaze.

"Do no' move, boy" Angelus commanded as he quickly retrieved his supplies. This was something he had to get down on paper.

Angel finished his story and stared at the Englishman for a few moments, waiting for a reaction.  Not receiving one, he reached over to take the picture back.  Giles didn't move until he felt the paper being pulled from his fingers.  He looked up at the dark vampire and smiled at him guiltily.

Angel raised the bottle in a silent question to the Englishman.

"Yes, quite" was all the watcher could say.

~Part: 4~

Angel took one last look at the seductive portrait before putting it back in its place in the portfolio.  He sighed as he tried to force back the feelings of regret and arousal that where so close to the surface.

He shuffled through several of the next pictures, smiling at them and handing them to Giles explaining in generalities the time or their significance.

Giles laughed out loud at one portrait in particular.  "How the hell did she convince him to let her do that to him?" he asked once he had enough breath.

Angel smiled as he recalled the story.  "Drusilla always told Spike what a lovely girl he would make.  She used to call him her 'Sweet William'.  One night, she kept going on and on about what a cute girl he would be and asked him if he would let her put his hair in ribbons.  At first, he refused, but eventually he gave in.  He could never deny her anything.  None of us could. I was always buying her new dolls that called out her, Darla was always taking her on shopping trips and William would do anything she asked.  We were quite the interesting family."

"Quite" Giles agreed.  He looked back at the portrait in his hands.  In it, Spike was sitting on a stool, or quite possibly an ottoman, with his soft, sandy blonde hair tied up in at least twenty different satin ribbons. Drusilla stood behind him with the most perfect look of satisfied pride on her delicate features.  It was odd for the watcher to think of the snarky, harsh vampire as such a caring, gentle lover.

Angel took the paper back from Giles before pulling out the next picture. He froze as he realized what the picture was.  Giles studied the face of the dark vampire.  Angel was normally very reserved with his emotions.  The only time he had ever seen the vampire lose that control was when Buffy was in some sort of danger.  But this image of Spike had caused that resolve to be shattered.  The Englishman watched as he saw glimpses of anger, regret, sorrow and pain flicker across the pale face.

Giles reached out to take the parchment from Angel when he heard the vampire growl.  Not knowing if the threat was aimed at him or not, Giles paused. When there was no further motion from the vampire, he gently pulled the portrait out of Angel's hands and turned it so he could see what had upset him so.

The Englishman gasped as he saw the image before him.  It was obviously Spike, or rather what was left of him.  He was laying on a rather lush looking bed, most likely goose down or some other posh material, with his back lying open from the harshest beating Giles had ever seen, his face swollen and bloody.  The worst damage, however, appeared to be centered around Spike's lower back and buttocks.

After a moment, Giles realized this was a beating most likely administered by Angelus.  Once he had his shock under control, he asked "What did he do to deserve such a punishment?"

Angel was a little surprised that Giles had understood the implications behind the picture.  Angelus had not only drawn the picture because he loved the look of his boy broken before him, but as a reminder to William of why he needed to be obedient to his sire and grandsire.  Then again, Giles had suffered under the hands of Angelus' torture himself, so maybe it wasn't so much of a stretch for the watcher to understand.

"He was William" was all the explanation Angel could come up with.

Angelus paced around the sitting room, awaiting the return of his boy.  Once again, the boy had broken the rules and had refused to meet him and his sire after he had become separated during the hunt.  Angelus was wary of letting William hunt on his own, but Darla had insisted.  William was over a year old now and didn't need to drug around by Angelus like a childe grasping at his mother's apron strings.  She knew that Angelus favored the boy, but he needed to learn things on his own and become independent.  Unfortunately, William often got into trouble when left to his own devices.

"Where could he be?" Angelus demanded to no one in particular.  It was only minutes until dawn and his boy still had yet to return.  He had sent two minions out to collect the boy, telling them that if they did not return with him safe and sound, they may as well wait outside for the dawn, as their punishment with him would be much worse.

"I'm telling you Angelus" Darla said from her chair beside the fire.  "That boy of yours does not listen to the rules and he is careless.  You must teach him to listen or he will be the end of us all.  We've had to flee the last two cities because of his indisgressions.  If you do not do something soon, I will have to take matters into my own hands."

Inwardly, Angelus shuddered.  He did not wish to be harsh with the boy.  He was so gentle and loving, the dark vampire was afraid that if he treated him with a heavy hand, the boy would break and lose that which made him so special to him.  But he knew that any punishment he would administer would be gentle compared to what Darla would do to him.

Angelus sighed when he heard the back door open and the sounds of a very drunk, very happy William filled the house.

The dark vampire wanted to rush into the adjoining room and clutch his disobedient childe to his chest.  Somehow he was able to restrain himself and remained in the sitting room with his sire.

William stumbled into the room with the assistance of the minions sent to collect him.  He was wailing a drinking song very loudly in very broken Gaelic.  Upon seeing his sire waiting for him, he smiled and tried to saunter over to him and failed miserably.

Darla snorted as she saw the state her grand childe was in.  Not only was William quite obviously drunk, but the front of his shirt was covered in spilled blood.  <He's a year old and still hasn't learned the finesse of feeding without making a mess all over himself> she fumed inwardly.  <It's almost as if he wants to be covered in it.> She would never be able to understand this boy.

Angelus sighed as he realized that he would have to take the boy shopping again.  He was constantly ruining his clothes, forcing Angelus to buy him outfit after outfit.  It was almost as if the boy did it on purpose.

"Sire" the boy whispered as he approached the dark vampire.  He walked up to the taller man and ran his hands up the muscular chest, trying to touch any part he could reach.  Angelus felt his anger drain away under the boy's nimble fingers and he was ready to forgive him until he heard his sire clear her throat.

Darla watched intently, waiting to see what her dark childe was going to do. If he did not handle the situation satisfactorily, she was ready to punish the boy.

Angelus straightened up and took a harsh tone with William.  "Childe" he said in the 'sire voice'. "Go upstairs and wait in my room.  I will be there shortly."  Once the blonde had left the room, Angelus turned to Darla and asked, "What would you have me do?"

"I know you care for the boy" she said gently as she walked over to her favorite childe and laid her hand delicately on his cheek.  "But you need to break him, my love.  He will never obey you until you do."

"What if I don't want him broken?" he asked gently, not really wanting to hear the answer.

"Then I will do it" she answered harshly.  Softening her tone, she added, "You know it is for the best, lover."

The dark vampire nodded his head in understanding.  Defeated, he placed a kiss on his sire's head and turn to head up the stairs to discipline his drunken childe.

William was waiting for his sire as patiently as possible.  He paced the room, trying to stay upright.  He knew that if he sat down, he would most likely fall asleep and that was not a good idea.  When he heard the approaching footsteps, he turned toward the door and tried to remain upright.

Angelus walked into the room and smiled at his childe when he swayed warily on his feet.  William mistakenly took the smile as acceptance and began to stroll over to his sire.

"Did I tell ye to move, boy?" the dark vampire asked harshly.

William froze immediately, knowing he had made a mistake.  He ducked his head in a sign of submission, wondering what was in store for him.

Angelus sighed as he took in the sight of his beautiful boy.  Resigned to his fate, the dark vampire walked over to his childe and commanded, "Remove yer shirt and stand at the foot of the bed, boy."

William looked up in shock.  Seeing the sorrow, but resolve in his sire's eyes, the blonde quickly complied.  Instead of tossing his shirt on the floor as was his habit, he folded the soiled material and placed it on the dresser before moving to stand by the tall post at the foot of the large bed.

The older vampire walked behind the shorter man and clasped both delicate hands in his own larger ones.  "Where were ye tonight, Will?"

Knowing he needed to answer, the boy said, "I went to the pub."

Angelus sighed heavily.  This was a direct violation of one of Darla's rules.  She hated when the boys got too 'friendly' with the locals. Especially William.  It made it too easy for them to notice the differences in the vampires and get the whole family into trouble.

"And what is the rule about going out on your own?"

William sighed.  "I'm not to associate with humans on my own" he replied dutifully.  He fully understood that his sire intended to punish him for his actions tonight.  That thought immediately sobered him up.  He had received punishments from his sire before and he had survived them quite well.

"Ye know that is Darla's rule, not mine?" Angelus asked.  "But it is only there to protect you and the family."

"Yes" William agreed.  He had heard this lecture many times before, but it never stopped him from breaking it.

Having received the answer he was looking for, Angelus set about preparing his childe for his punishment.  He reached into the trunk at the foot of the bed, pulled out the leather restraints and fastened them around the blonde's wrists.  Once they were in place, he attached the length of leather to the bed post.

William gasped when his sire tightened the restraints to the bed.  Angelus had never been so harsh in treating him before.  He pulled so tight that the boy was barely about to touch the floor with his toes.  Confused, he turned to look into the chocolate eyes.  "Sire?" he asked.

"You have to learn, boy, that disobedience will not be tolerated in this family" the dark vampire growled with more venom than he actually felt. Reaching again into the trunk, Angelus pulled out the instrument of choice. It was a long cat o' nine tails.  He tested the small whip and then braced himself for the first blow.

The blonde vampire cried out when the first blow exploded across his back. He had never experienced so much pain before in his life or unlife.  He suddenly realized that all the other beatings he had received were not actually punishments at all but foreplay.  Now his sire intended for him to be truly punished and he deserved it.

Angelus flinched at the boy's small cry but he knew it was for the best.  He waited for the appropriate response from the boy and when he did not get it, he decided to prompt him.  "I'm waiting, boy."

"One, sire" came the quiet response.

Angelus continued to whip his childe and the boy counted off each lash.  By the time he reached twenty lashes, William was panting from the pain and weeping with every blow.  His need to continue such a human habit upset Angelus.  The dark vampire reached out and grasped the blonde hair tightly. He yanked his childe's head back and growled, "Ye still cling to the need to breathe.  Yer not human, boy.  Do I have to beat the breath out of you as well?"

William shook his head vigorously, but was still unable to stop the panting coming from his chest.  Angelus thrust his fist forward, forcing the boy's face into the hard post breaking his nose and bruising the eye socket.  The blonde tried harder to stop the panting until he would hold his breath for extended periods before gasping for the unneeded breath.

Knowing that he could not comply, the older vampire stepped up the punishment.  He quickly untied the laces holding William's breaches on and pulled them off in a single fluid motion.

William gasped at the feeling of the cool air on his exposed backside.  He barely had time to register what was happening before he felt the first blow on his tender flesh.

Angelus had replaced the whip with a large leather flogger and began to beat the blonde swiftly, not allowing him a chance to recover in between blows. "Ye don't need to breathe, boy" the dark vampire shouted as he rained blows down on the boy's lower back, buttocks and upper thighs.  "Ye are a vampire, not a human.  The sooner you remember that, the easier life will be on ya'. Let it go."

Angelus stopped as he suddenly realized the only sound in the room was the rhythmic slapping of leather on skin.  William had stopped breathing.  He had done it.  He had broken the boy.  He immediately dropped the implement and began to stroke the soft blonde curls.  "There's a good boy" he cooed softly, trying to be soothing.  "That's what a vampire does.a good vampire, childe."  As he comforted the silent man, Angelus loosened the restraints and gently lowered his childe onto the bed.

William gasped as his broken skin brushed against the sheets.  His sire quickly turned the boy over so he was lying on his stomach to take the pressure off his damaged back.  Once the blonde was settled in a comfortable position, he turned loving, crystal blue eyes to meet deep brown ones.  He smiled slightly and whispered, "Thank you, sire."

Angelus felt tears form before he quickly turned away, not wanting the boy to see the emotion he held for him.  Without saying a word, he retrieved his supplies and sat down to record his triumph in finally breaking his stubborn boy.

"That was the night" Angel whispered, voice heavy with emotion.  "That was the night I turned William into Spike."

~Part: 5~

Giles stood and walked to the far corner of the office, trying to give the vampire the space he needed to collect himself.  "If you'd like me to leave." he started.

"No, Giles" Angel interrupted.  "That's all right.  Do you want to hear more?"

"Of course" the former watcher replied, returning to his chair.  He studied the pictures that followed and began to notice a growing trend.  "He seems quite different in these last pictures" he stated, unsure of what he was seeing.

"He was" Angel said sighing.  "He went from being my sweet adoring boy to trying to be what he thought was a 'proper vampire'.  All his time was spent trying to impress me with a new, more vicious way to kill."  He pointed to one portrait where his face was covered in blood and the smirk that Giles was so familiar with was gracing his features.  "That was the day he learned his skill with railroad spikes.  He was violent and vicious.  As Angelus, I was so proud of him, but I would never tell him.  It just made him try that much harder. Around this time" he reached over and tapped a picture Giles had just been looking at, "he started to insist that we call him Spike.  He wanted to be as separated from William as he could."

Angel sighed remembering how his boy tried to please him so.  Angelus reveled in it, but denied William the satisfaction of knowing that he pleased his sire.  Reaching down, Angel picked up a picture that was completely worn around the edges.  Giles thought that the paper looked like it might fall apart at any minute.

Angel slowly traced the picture with his index finger before releasing a heavy sigh.  Giles reached over to take the picture from the vampire.  He glanced down at the picture, confused.  There seemed nothing particularly telling in the picture. It was simply Spike walking away looking over his shoulder with a sad smile and a haunted look in his eyes.

"I don't understand the significance of this particular picture, Angel" Giles said, voicing his confusion.

"This was the last time I saw him" Angel explained, almost too quietly for the Englishman to hear.  "Before the curse."

Tomorrow was Angelus' birthday and Darla was insisting on taking him away for a few days.  He would rather stay and celebrate with the entire family. He had not spent any quality time with his boy in the last few weeks and he was hoping for something 'special' from William.  It had become a tradition for the boy to spend the entire day catering to his sire's every whim on his birthday.  Angelus cherished in it.  William was his perfect boy, if only for this one day.

William and Drusilla were not happy and they were making sure everyone knew of their displeasure.  Dru had spent the last two days wandering about the house they had acquired mumbling about how the stars were whispering terrible things to her.

Angelus never understood his insane childe's visions and they annoyed Darla. She was still upset with Angelus for turning her after driving her insane. The only person who was able to control her and understand her ravings was Spike.

Apparently, this particular vision had scared both Drusilla and Spike because they both had begged and pleaded with their sire not to go.  They had promised their complete devotion if he would only stay home.  William had even suggested they leave the country for something different.

"You promised to meet Penn in Italy, remember?" William asked, trying once again to change his sire's mind.  "I would like to meet my brother.  The chaos we could cause with the whole family together would be amazing. Please sire."

Angelus would not be swayed by his begging.  He had promised Darla that he would go with her.  He was not very happy about being in Romania in the first place, but Darla had insisted.  She wanted to go somewhere different, somewhere mysterious.  When she had first talked about going somewhere special for his birthday, she had promised him an extra special present. She said all she had to do was go pick it up.  He could hardly wait.

Darla left to hunt, taking her insane grand-childe with her saying that she wanted a little girl time before they left.  Angelus knew the real reason was because she wanted Angelus to give instructions to Spike.  Angelus just wanted some time alone with his boy.

The two men were in the sitting room, saying their goodbyes to the ladies for the evening.  As soon as the girls were out the door, Angelus walked over to the bar and poured himself a large whiskey.  He turned his head toward the blonde watching him from across the room.  He lifted his eyebrows in a silent question.  Spike shook his head to tell his sire 'no'.

As the older vampire made his way across the room to sit on the sofa next to Spike, the blonde vampire shifted uncomfortably.  He knew his sire wanted to talk to him and he wasn't sure he wanted to hear it.

"Ye'll need to look after Dru while we are gone, boy" Angelus was saying. Spike wasn't sure how much of the conversation he had missed, but he knew that he would be in trouble if he didn't pay attention.

"Yes sire" he answered dutifully.

Once Angelus was done with his instructions, he turned to his childe and asked, "Ye understand?"

"Yes sire" he repeated.  Knowing that the conversation was over, Spike decided to take his chance.  He had told Dru he would try one more time to convince Angelus not to leave.  He rose from his seat and walked over to where Angelus was sitting.  Slowly, he lowered himself to his knees and rested his forehead on his sire's feet.

Angelus gasped at the show of submission.  William had not submitted to his sire like this for years.  It confused him.  "Childe?" he asked.

"I know you have asked me not to bring this up again" the blonde started. "But Drusilla and I are sure that something wicked is coming.  Do not leave with Darla please.  I don't wish to lose you."

The dark vampire chuckled at the words of his beautiful boy.  "Yer not goin' to lose me, boy" he said, reaching down to pull the boy up off the floor. "I'm just goin' with Darla for a few days.  I'll be back before you know it."

Spike simply shook his head.  Dread filled his unbeating heart.  He had to convince him, one way or the other.  The smaller man reached over and began to work the fastenings of his sire's trousers, hoping to sway him another way.  Once he had adequate space, Spike reached into the soft fabric to stroke his sire to full hardness.

Angelus sighed at the feeling of his childe's hand on him.  It amazed him how this boy could cause him to melt with just a simple touch.

As Spike stroked his sire with practiced perfection, he was chanting softly, "Please sire.  Don't leave me.  I'm scared.  Angelus, please don't go."

It broke the dark vampire's heart to hear the desperation in the boy's voice.  He had to let him know why he could not change his mind.

"I'm sorry, childe, but I can not go against Darla's wishes.  She is my sire, just as I am yours.  She's commanded me to go, so I must.  Just as you obey my wishes, I obey hers."

Spike gazed into his sire's chocolate colored eyes as he spoke.  He sighed, knowing that what his sire said was true.  He smiled up at Angelus with a sly grin.  He waited for the nod of consent before leaning down to take the full length in his mouth and into his throat.

Angelus moaned at the feeling of the boy's mouth surrounding him.  He buried his fingers in Spike's curly locks, urging him on.  "William" he moaned. "My boy.my beautiful boy."

Spike felt tears prick behind his eyes at the endearments his sire was calling him.  He had missed the way Angelus would call his name, although he would never admit that.  It was a weakness.  It was just a leftover piece of humanity he had to suppress to please his sire.

Spike could tell by the way Angelus was panting that he was close.  He placed one finger in his mouth next to the hard cock to moisten it before pulling his sire's trousers down even further so he could reach him more completely.  He circled the tight ring of muscle with the wet digit before breaching it gently.

Angelus moaned at the intrusion.  The feeling of being buried deeply in the wet mouth and the finger gently stroking his tender hole was too much for the dark vampire.  He arched his back off the sofa as his release exploded from him and he moaned loudly, "William".

Spike swallowed every drop of his sire's seed before tucking him back inside his trousers and trying to refasten the clothing.  Angelus continued to stroke the boy's soft hair as he recovered from his powerful orgasm.  He pulled Spike up to sit next to him and kissed him softly on the now swollen lips.

"You understand now why I can't stay?" he asked quietly.

Spike nodded his head, not wanting to spoil the moment with words.  He simply leaned in to kiss the lips he loved so much for as long as he could before Angelus would go.

After several long minutes spent enjoying each others mouths, Angelus pulled back and rubbed his childe's soft cheek.  "You should go hunting for something to eat, boy" he said quietly.  "I'll be leaving in a few moments to fetch Darla.  She's wanting to be out of the city by morning.  She's taking me to someplace in the country."

Angelus saw the uncertainty in the boy's face and tried to reassure him. "I'll be back before ye know it.  Then we'll take that trip to Italy. You'll love Penn and we'll create that chaos ye were talkin' about."

Spike returned the smile his sire was giving, trying to be understanding. He stood swiftly and headed for the door.  He did need to hunt, but he mostly did not want to be at the home when Angelus left to find Darla.  As he reached the door, he turned slightly, looking over his shoulder.  Still smiling slightly, he whispered, "Goodbye Angelus".

"That was the last time I saw him before the curse" Angel explained softly. "The birthday present from Darla was a small gypsy girl from the Kalderash clan.  When I came back from the village with my soul, Darla kicked me out. She said she could smell my 'filthy soul'.  By the time I got to the house, she had packed up everything, including Dru and Spike.  I couldn't find them anywhere.  I guess I should have listened to Spike."

Giles chuckled lightly at the softly spoken statement.

Angel laughed too.  "Boy, that's something I never thought I would say."

~Part: 6~

Giles was staring down at the tattered piece of paper when a realization dawned on him.  "You drew this after you received your soul" he stated.

It wasn't a question, but Angel answered it anyway.  "Yeah.  The rest are all from after the soul."

The Englishman thought for a moment.  "So, you've kept this with you this whole time.as a reminder?"

"In a way" Angel replied.  "I never really thought about it before.  I just needed to keep it with me.  It was one of the only things I took with me when Darla kicked me out."  The vampire smiled slightly at the memory. "This" he said, laying his hand on top of the portfolio.  "And this."  He reached over and picked up a small wooden box sitting on the corner of the desk.  He sat it down in front of the watcher.

Giles reached over and slowly lifted the lid.  He was curious to see what else the vampire considered important enough to carry around with him throughout the centuries.  He was surprised to see a small set of rosary beads and two silver medallions tied with ribbons.  He looked at Angel with the unspoken question in his eyes.

"They belonged to my sister Kathy" Angel stated.

Giles took in the vampire's expression and thought he understood.  "You killed her."

"Yes" Angel replied barely above a whisper.  "I was determined to show my father that I had finally made something of myself and that he had no power over me.  I went to her window and woke her.  She smiled so beautifully at me.  She thought I was an angel come to take her away.  She invited me in.and I killed her."

The Englishman watched the vampire as he spoke.  While he was speaking, Angel began to lightly finger the sacred objects, almost in reverence. Giles was surprised that Angel didn't pull his finger away as it began to smoke.  He continued to do so until Giles could no longer stand the smell of burning flesh.

"That wasn't you" Giles stated softly.  "It was Angelus."

"No" Angel said slowly, like he was just now coming to this realization. "It was me, or Liam.  My father berated and abused me all my life.  I hated him.  It wasn't the demon that wanted him dead, it was me.  I killed my family."

Giles was shocked and didn't know what to say.  He didn't feel he could comfort him.  His confession made sense, but that was so long ago.  Should Angel still feel such pain and guilt for something he did while his demon was in control?  He sighed knowing that nothing he said would change the vampire's view of events.

Angel slowly leaned over and closed the lid of the box and put it back in it's original place on the desk.  He then took the picture and tucked it away with the others.

As he and Giles looked through the next few pictures, Giles was amazed at the difference.  They were all so sad.  None of the pictures held the joy or love the previous ones had.

"These were drawn from memory" Angel stated softly.  "It hurt so much to remember everything I had done.  I tortured myself with the pictures, reliving everything I had done to Spike and Drusilla.  Seeing that face over and over, knowing I had killed him.  He could have lived a normal life.  I took away his chance to walk in the sun, to marry and have children.  The pain was unbearable."

The look on the vampire's face tore at Giles' heart.  The pain seemed so fresh, as if it was only yesterday.

"I drew hundreds of pictures during that time" Angel continued.  "I tore most of them up in anger.  I would have fits of pity or anger at my situation.  I didn't know how to live on my own and deal with the grief and pain.  So, after a while I decided I would go back to Darla and beg her forgiveness and ask to become a part of the family again."

"Beg her forgiveness?" Giles asked, slightly incensed.  "It was her fault you were cursed."

"I know that" Angel chuckled slightly.  "But I was the one with the soul, so I was the one to blame."

Angel pulled out the next picture and stared at it for a very long time.  He looked up at Giles and asked, "Did you ever hear about how Spike killed his first slayer?"

"Yes" Giles nodded.  "Buffy told me."

"Would you like to hear the real story?"  Angel leaned over and handed the Englishman the picture he was holding.  He took the offered piece of paper and studied the sight looking at him.

The picture was Spike with the most ecstatic smile Giles had ever seen.  His face was covered in blood and his eyebrow was sliced open.  His hair was wild, some of it flying behind him like a cape and some of it stuck to his head from the sweat and blood.  His look was of pure triumph.

Angel looked around at the chaos and despair.  He hated this place, but this is where Darla wanted to be.  She had taken him back, even though she didn't trust him.  She told him he could stay, but he had to prove to her that he was a 'proper vampire'.  That was proving to be more difficult than Angel had thought it would be.  He made sure to make vicious kills in front of his sire and tried to keep the sadness from his eyes.  The Boxer Rebellion swirled around them.  Darla figured this place would make for easy hunting and was happy to bring her lost childe with her here.

Spike and Drusilla were overjoyed to see their sire return to the family. Darla had told them that he had left on business, but he had been gone over two years.  Spike seemed determined to prove himself to his sire and he killed with renewed vigor.

Angel did his best to remain distance from his childer.  He was afraid that if they got too close, they would be able to sense his soul or he would break down and they would reject him as his sire did.

Spike and Drusilla were surprised by their sire's attitude toward them. Drusilla was so happy to have her daddy back, but he refused to take her to his bed as he had done so often before.  Spike knew that something was wrong.  His sire had been gone so long and he seemed to view the hunt as a chore and not a pleasure.  The joy Spike was used to seeing in Angelus' eyes was gone and he was sure it had something to do with Darla.

One night, Spike came home extremely excited.  He was practically bouncing off the walls.  When she could take it no longer, Darla snapped at the blonde male and demanded he tell her what he knew.

Spike smiled widely and his azure blue eyes sparkled as he looked at Angel. "There's a slayer in town" he said silkily.  "Apparently, she heard there was an increase in vampire activity due to the rebellion and she arrived yesterday.  I think it's time we take a swing at one, don't you sire?"

Angel flinched inwardly at the thought. His boy wanted him them to hunt the slayer together.  Only two years ago, that thought would have made his dead heart soar, but now he cringed.

"Don't think that's a good idea, boy" he said quietly, trying to think of a decent excuse to avoid the chosen one.  "You're not ready to face one so strong yet.  She'll be the death of ya'."

The thought that his sire didn't believe in him filled Spike with rage and an unbearable sadness.  <What have I done that my sire doesn't love or trust me?> he wondered.

"You're scared" Spike spat back at him.  "You don't want to meet the slayer because you don't think you'll win.  But I'll tell you something, mate, I'm stronger than you think.  I'm stronger than you'll ever be.  You don't think I'm vampire enough to kill the slayer?  You'll find out when I'm covered in her blood."

The blonde vampire stormed out of the room, leaving the older vampire brooding in the darkness.  <What can I do now?> he wondered.  <I can't let him kill her.>

As soon as the sun set, Angel slipped out of the house and stalked through the night to find the chosen one.  He ran off once he caught the scent and hoped he could find the girl before his determined childe did.

Coming around the corner of an abandoned temple, Angel found the young girl as she finished fighting off a young fledgling.  She turned, obviously sensing him and stared at him for several moments.  Finally she whispered, "Vampire".

"You need to leave now" Angel hissed, trying to convey the desperation of the situation.  "He'll kill you."

"Vampire" she hissed again and Angel sighed.  This slayer was Chinese and the only word of English she apparently knew was 'vampire'.

Before Angel could react, she launched into an attack.  She was quick, but Angel was quicker.  He moved out of the way of the slashing sword that came for his face.  He was amazed at her ability.  This slayer was fast and deliberate in her attack.  He could imagine why she had lasted so long.  He tried to think of a way to make her understand that he was not here to hurt her.  He deflected every blow without attacking, simply trying to stay alive.  He continued to try and talk to her even though he knew she couldn't understand. Finally he decided it would be best to knock her out and take her to a safe place until he could convince Darla to leave.

The slayer's attack was ruthless and Angel soon found himself inside the temple.  He looked around trying to find something to use against the girl. She followed his gaze and picked up a large incense burner and tossed it at Angel's head.  When the large metal object made contact with the dark vampire's head, he went down hard behind the large alter.

When he came to, what he heard turned his blood cold.

"Well, hello luv.  What do we have here?"  It was Spike.  He had found her. Angel's heart broke.  Either he would lose his favorite childe or an innocent girl would lose her life.  He wasn't sure which he dreaded more.

The battle was fierce and Angel watched from his hiding place, trying to keep his presence a secret from his childe.  Many times he thought it was almost over, but each time the end was averted.  They were evenly matched and Angel thought it might go on indefinitely until Spike got the upper hand.  Even though the slayer was exquisitely trained, she lacked something that Spike had.passion.  He was determined to kill this slayer, not only for his own desire, but to prove to his sire that he was the most vicious vampire ever.

Angel gasped as he watched his childe sink his fangs into the delicate flesh of the young girl's neck.  A part of him howled out in pleasure, begging to be a part of the feast.  The soul, however, would not let him.   Angel silently cried over the death of the slayer who tried to kill him not long before.  He stayed where he was hidden until he heard Drusilla enter the temple to find Spike.  The sounds of their coupling filled his ears as he snuck away to find his own meal for the evening.

Darla and Angel stood side by side waiting for the rest of the family. Spike and Drusilla were late and the blonde female was beginning to get upset.  Suddenly Angel looked up and knew they were coming, but all he could see was Spike.  He looked like death itself.  He was covered in blood and walked with grace and purpose.  He was gorgeous.

The demon banged against his cage, wanting to congratulate and praise his childe, but he heard himself say, "I guess that makes you one of us now".

The soul cried out at when it realized for the first time that William was now truly gone.  Spike now carried the face he so adored and his boy had died with the slayer's blood.

Angel sighed, reliving the painful memories.  He smiled at Giles and took the portrait back.  Staring at the beautiful face, he sighed and shook his head.  "How wrong I was" he whispered almost too quiet for Giles to hear.

~Part: 7~

Giles wanted to ask the dark vampire what he meant by his last statement, but decided he would probably tell that story when he was ready.  He watched as Angel flipped the page and took out the next picture.

Angel looked down at the next portrait and smiled.  This was a look he had forgotten and seeing it now stirred something in him.  He had loved seeing Spike like this, but never got the chance to tell him.

Receiving the paper from Angel, Giles looked down at the portrait and was completely unprepared for the sight before him.  It was Spike looking much more like the incarnation the watcher was used to.  His hair was much shorter and bleached to within an inch of its life.  Instead of the soft curls Giles had been seeing the young vampire sport in earlier pictures, Spike's hair stood straight up in vicious points on the top of his head. There were several metal studs adorning his eyebrows and ears.  He had on a black shirt that was torn in several places and in many places it was held together with safety pins.  He also had on tight back jeans and large black army style boots.  Topping off the entire outfit was a large black leather, metal studded dog collar around the vampire's neck and the leather duster Giles was so familiar with.

The Englishman was confused by the large amount of time passing between the two photos.  "This is so much later than the last picture.  Did you lose the pictures from the time in between?"

Angel shook his head slowly.  "No" he replied, refilling his glass before doing the same for the watchers.  "Once I left China, I decided I needed to punish myself for all the evil I had done.  So I purposefully did things that I knew would piss off Angelus.  He loved to draw, so I stopped drawing. He hated animal blood, so that was all I would eat.  And then there was the Barry Manilow."

"Now that's just cruel" Giles said with a smile.

Angel chuckled lightly.

The watcher looked back at the picture and asked, "How much time passed between these two pictures?"

"I'm not sure" Angel started.  "Probably about seventy or eighty years."

Giles gasped at the thought.  Sometimes he forgot how old this young looking man was.  Looking at the photo again, Giles suddenly realized something. "This is after Spike killed his second slayer, right?  Nikki Wood in New York."

"How did you know that?" Angel asked suspiciously.  "Did Spike tell you that too?"

"Not exactly" Giles replied.  "I recognized the duster of course.  But we had an.incident recently.  Do you remember Robin Wood who came with us from Sunnydale?"

"The large black man who was attached to Faith's hip?" he asked with a smile.

"That's the one" the Englishman agreed.  He was reluctant to share the following information with the dark vampire, but felt it was important. "His mother was Nikki Wood and he held quite a grudge against Spike for killing her.  We found out that Spike had a trigger that caused him to lose control of his demon.  He was killing again.  Partially out of concern, but mostly out of vengeance, Robin convinced me to help him kill Spike."

"What?" the vampire thundered as he shot out of his chair.  Before the watcher could even blink, he was pressed against the wall with Angel's hand clenched against his throat and his game face pressing against his fear filled one.

Quickly explaining, Giles said, "He was a danger to the potentials and Buffy.  He was killing again.  The First was able to control him and he was building an army of fledglings.  The trigger was so strong he was able to override the chip.  It was very disturbing.  This fight was too difficult again the First, but to add an extremely powerful vampire into the mix and I don't know that we would have won."

"And I'm letting you and the slayer's bastard live because." Angel asked threateningly.

Giles swallowed convulsively, thinking about his answer before speaking. "Well, both Buffy and Spike forgave me and he was not harmed.  In fact, Wood's actions caused the trigger to be deactivated."

"And Spike kicked his ass" Angel added.

"Yes" Giles said with a small smile.  "Spike kicked his ass."

Angel let go of his hold on the watchers throat after a small squeeze and turned quickly back around to his desk.  He slowly slid down to sit in his chair.  The dark vampire looked at the watcher still standing where he left him as he sipped from his glass.  He motioned to the man to sit back down.

Giles released a breath he didn't realize he had been holding.  He sat down and lifted the picture again.  "So, the story?" he asked, his throat feeling tighter than he wished.  "What made you draw again after all that time?"

Angel smirked evilly at the harshness of the man's voice.  "Spike."

Angel stalked down the alley, following his prey.  Sensing it was near and he pounced. Easily overcoming the smaller creature, Angel lifted his prize to his mouth and drank deeply.for a second.  The rat was drained much too quickly and he threw the empty husk away in disgust.  The demon growled it's displeasure at the horrible meal.

Angel was hiding in a dark alley in New York because it was the easiest place to lose yourself.  No one cared about one more crazy homeless guy wandering the streets.  He could be as dirty as he felt inside and people would pass by without a second glance.  He could even talk to himself without being interrupted.  Sure it wasn't without it's dangers.  He had been beaten, robbed and raped more times than he could count, but it was alright.  It was what he deserved.

Angel was pulling himself off the dirty alley floor to head back to the small shelter he called.his shelter.  It wasn't home.  He hadn't had a home since he left his childer behind in China.  But he wasn't going to think about that now.  If he did, he might not make it back.  Sustaining on only rat's blood left him weak and crying always took so much energy out of him that he could hardly move.  That would not be the best idea where he was now.  It would leave him too vulnerable to an attack.

Just as he laid his hands down to brace himself to stand, he heard a noise at the mouth of the alley.  He hid quickly behind a pile of garbage when he heard a somewhat familiar voice.

"Shh, luv" the voice whispered silkily.  "This won't hurt.  Who am I kidding?  This is really going to hurt a lot."

Angel couldn't believe it.  That voice made him feel both sick and elated at the same time.  His childe was in the same alley he was hiding in.  Slowly peaking around to take a look, he saw Spike at the mouth of the alley with a young prostitute.  He had apparently dragged her off the street and was planning on making her his next meal.

The dark vampire watched with eyes wide open as the blonde reached under the struggling girl's skirt to rip off the meager undergarments she was wearing. He quickly unbuttoned the tight jeans he was wearing and slipped his hard cock into the prostitute's loose depths.  Spike didn't care.  He was more there for the meal anyway, but she was warm, so why the hell not.

Angel tried to look away and control his sudden gasping as he watched his beautiful boy pound into the girl.  He wasn't sure what made him more disgusted.  The act his childe was performing or the fact that the girl was so undeserving of a beauty like Spike.

The older vampire silently sighed as he remembers nights with that body.  He missed his boy and wanted nothing more than to jump up and pull him away from the disgusting female and take him himself.  His whole body itched to show Spike who he belong to.

He was suddenly pulled out of his thoughts as the blonde sank his fangs deeply into the prostitute's throat.  The smell of human blood hit him hard and he thought he might pass out from the need to taste it.  His game face came to the fore and he struggled to remain still and silent.

Spike stiffened slightly as he came deeply within the girl, brought to completion by the warm blood.  He dropped her unceremoniously to the ground and tucked himself back in his tight jeans.  He sighed and suddenly froze. He seemed to scent the air and Angel was afraid that he had been discovered. Normally, most vampires passed him by.  He smelled so bad from the lack of regular showers that it masked his scent the majority of the time.  He also fed so infrequently that he rarely smelled of blood.

The blonde called out softly, "Hello? Anyone there?"

Angel kept himself perfectly still, hoping his childe would not be able to sense him.

Spike crept slowly into the alley until he was almost on top of his sire. Angel continued to watch him with wide eyes.  The blonde walked past the hiding vampire before turning around and heading out again.  Angel inwardly sighed a breath of relief before Spike stopped and turned around again.

"I suppose I could have drained you, pet" he said conversationally to the nearly dead girl.  "But I guess I just wasn't as hungry as I thought I was. You'll be dead soon enough though.  I hope another creature of the night doesn't come to gobble you up, but I have to go home to my Dru.  She's waiting for me.  I'm glad she's doing well.  We'll be heading back to Europe soon enough.  Well, ta luv."

And he was gone.  Angel sat for a long time, wondering if Spike knew he was there.  <Was he talking to me or the girl?> Angel wondered.  He stayed frozen to his spot, listening to the ever decreasing heartbeat.  He inwardly debated with himself.  Should he go over to her and feed?  <Why not?> he thought.  <Spike had effectively killed her, not me.  She was dying, correction. dead, so why not?>

Angel's guilt addled brain was still debating while his blood starved body slowly crept towards the still body.  Without thinking, the dark vampire's fangs slid easily into the torn flesh and he pulled the last few mouthfuls of blood out the dead girl.  It wasn't nearly enough to satisfy the starving vampire, but it was warm and human and Angel felt his body immediately respond to the healing elixir.

Before he turned around to head to his shelter, Angel reached down and ran his finger through the wet fluids draining down the girl's thighs.

He collapsed on the ratty blanket when he reached his 'home'.  Bringing his hand up to his nose, he breathed in the intoxicating scent of his childe's release.  He longed to taste it, but didn't want to taint himself with the prostitute's juices.  The combination of seeing his childe, smelling him and the human blood in his system made him painfully hard.

Angel was ashamed but he reached down and unbuttoned his pants and pulled out his painful erection.  He quickly began to stroke himself as he continued to take in the familiar smell of the boy.

It had been so long since he allowed himself any type of release and his orgasm came much too quickly.  Angel felt the long missed tightening deep inside and cried out of he shot over his hand.  "Spike" he whispered as he milked the last of his seed with his clenching hand and he silently began to cry for the boy he missed so desperately.

Slowly coming down from his high, Angel wiped his hand off on his already filthy pants and rebuttoned them.  He reached under his makeshift pillow and clutched the leather portfolio to his chest before laying down to sleep for the day.

His last thought before sleep overtook him was him wondering where he could steal some pencils or maybe some charcoal.

"Do you think he knew you were there?" Giles asked once the vampire was done.

"I convinced myself for years that he didn't" Angel started.  "But once I really started thinking about it, I couldn't believe that.  He knew I was there and he not only didn't embarrass me, he fed me and told me Drusilla was alright.  It was more than I ever did for him."

~Part: 8~

Angel looked over at the watcher sitting across from him and smiled.  "Would you like to continue this another time?"

Giles shook his head and said, "No, we've gotten this far, we may as well finish, don't you think?"  He really didn't want to stop now.  Besides, he was afraid that if they didn't finish this tonight, they never would. "Besides, after all we've been through; I think it's going to be a while before I can go to sleep."

Angel smirked at the Englishman, knowing that most of his motivation was from his curiosity as a watcher rather than compassion as a friend.  They searched through several of the next pictures quickly.  Angel seemed almost embarrassed of them.

"Most of these were drawn from memory" he explained quickly as he tried to pass them past the watcher without the man getting a close look at them. Giles stopped on a particular set of pictures and tried desperately to hold back a chuckle.

The vampire noticed the reaction of the man and hid a smile of his own. "Yeah, pretty bad, huh?"

Giles smiled widely at Angel.  "Some odd fantasy of yours?"

Angel started to explain.  "Sometimes I longed for someone like me, someone who would understand me.  So I came up with the idea of Spike.with a soul. Crazy, I know, but I thought it was what would make me happy.  Hence those pictures."

Giles looked back down at the similar set of pictures in his hands.  In them, Spike sat on the floor, apparently at Angel's feet with the sweetest, most soulful look on his face.  It seemed as though he were looking at someone in complete adoration.  It made near hysterical laughter bubble up in the Englishman.

Angel ducked his head, slightly embarrassed by his desire for a compliant, loving Spike.  In his heart, he knew that if that fantasy was fulfilled, it would probably turn out to be a nightmare.  But he could still dream.

Once he got his laughter under control, Giles said, "You do know he did."

"Yeah" Angel interrupted quickly.  "Buffy told me."  He still felt guilty that he allowed so much to happen to his childe without his knowledge. First the chip and then the soul and Angel did nothing to comfort or help him.  He was a terrible sire.

Flipping through several pictures, they suddenly came upon a scene Giles thought was familiar.  There was a bowed, dark haired head being held still for a game faced Spike.  He appeared to be leaning in to take a bite.  Giles gasped as realization suddenly dawned on him.  "This is Xander!" he exclaimed.

"Yeah" Angel said with a smile.  "And everyone wondered why he always hated me."

It was dark in the hallway of Sunnydale High.  Spike and his crew had shut off all the lights and were out to catch the Slayer.  Xander had come to find Angel for his help, but the dark vampire had no idea how to stop his errant childe.  Spike hated him.  What was he going to do, ask him nicely to leave?  Sure, that would work.

What could he do to show his childe that he was serious?  Suddenly an idea hit him.

"Xander, do you trust me?" he asked the teenager.

"No" Xander replied snarkily.

"Good" Angel said as he reached out with incredible speed and grabbed the dark haired boy around the neck in a headlock.

Angel dragged the struggling boy into the school and was immediately confronted by the sight of his lost boy.

Spike looked at the dark vampire before him.  <What the hell is he doing?> the blonde wondered.  Spike knew that his sire was ensouled.  It was all over the demonic community, but he seemed to be playing the role of devoted sire.  And he brought prezzies.  The younger vampire decided to play along.

"Angelus" he called out to his sire.

"Spike" Angel replied with a huge, sharp tooth filled grin.

"I'll be damned" the blonde said, smirking, as he tossed the large metal bar he was holding to embrace the man he hadn't seen in years.

The two continued to chat about Spike's weaknesses and Angel's reason for being there until Xander pipes in.

"I knew you were lying" the teenager groaned out.  "Undead liar guy."

Angel harshly reached over and pulled the boy's collar open and offered the supple flesh to his childe.  "Wanna bite before we kill her" he tempted the blonde.  He knew this was risky, presenting the boy to his childe like this. Spike would take the offer seriously, considering Xander his, a gift from his sire.  Hopefully, Angel could convince Spike to leave and then he wouldn't have to worry about Xander.  First he had to see how serious Spike really was.

Spike continued to question his sire.  Angel bristled visibly when the blonde asked him if he was 'housebroken'.  The thought that he was domesticated upset Angel more than he expected.  <I'm a vampire, for Christ's sake> he fumed inwardly.  But he didn't have time to dwell on the thought.  He had to find out what his childe wanted and help Buffy.  It was his mission.

Taking a chance, Angel decided to push Spike a little.  "If you think you can take her alone, be my guest.  I'll just feed and run."

"Don't be silly" Spike interrupted as Angel slowly made his way down to the soft flesh.  "We're old friends, we'll do it together.  Let's drink to it."

Both men bowed their heads, headed toward the prize of tender flesh and rich, young blood.  As their mouths were about to feed, Spike punched the older vampire harshly across the face.  "You think you can fool me" he shouted.  "You were my sire, man.  You were my.Yoda."

"Things change" Angel replied.

"Not us.  Not demons."  The blonde was more upset than he believed was possible.  He always hoped that seeing his sire again would be a glorious reunion.  Sure, he hadn't expected roses and kisses, but he was the beloved childe.  His sire's betrayal hurt more than he cared to think about.  "Man, I can't believe this.  You Uncle Tom!"

Angel felt his heart break when he saw the murderous intent in the crystal blue eyes.

"Come on people" Spike shouted after reaching down to retrieve the previously discarded metal pole.  "This isn't a spectator sport."

Angel shuttered.  He didn't want to fight his childe.  He knew of Spike's reputation and had seen him fight.  He was strong and crafty in his style. Angel had trained the boy well and he knew that the blonde had been feeding well.  The dark vampire had been subsisting on animal blood for so long, he wasn't sure he would be able to win.  Turning, he pushed Xander out of the school and into the fight outside.  It seemed cowardly, but he knew he couldn't kill his childe.

After the fight, Angel sighed.  His childe was still alive and so was the slayer.  He couldn't believe it.  He had expected to mourn, one way or the other.  But now he had a new, more difficult decision.  Could he continue to fight with the slayer and watcher, knowing that he would probably come up against his childer?  It would be so easy to return to Spike and Drusilla, but would his soul let him?

"I never realized you were so conflicted about your decision to help us" Giles stated into the silence that followed the story.

Angel nodded and replied, "Every day was hard.  Even though I have my soul, I'm still a vampire.  It's taken me over a hundred years to be able to be around so many humans without staring at everyone's necks.  The heat, the sound of blood in your veins, it's so tempting.  You have no idea how hard it is to completely deny your nature all the time.  That's why I always envied Spike.  He never denied himself anything."

Giles sighed heavily.  "Not until later" he whispered.

Angel knew what he was talking about.the chip.  "I can't imagine" the dark vampire said shaking his head.  "It was hard enough when my demon was tempered with the soul.  I can't begin to think how hard it had been for him."  He sighed heavily.  "I should have done something to help him."

"You couldn't know" Giles said.

A comfortable silence fell between the two men.  Angel looked up at Giles through his long, dark eyelashes.  Giles noticed the look and waited for the question.

"Can I ask you a question?" the dark vampire asked.

"Of course" the watcher replied.  He waited in anticipation for the vampire to ask the question that seemed to perplex him so much.

The Englishman couldn't hold back his laughter when the vampire asked, "What's a Yoda?"

~Part: 9~

After Giles explained to the vampire as quickly as possible about Star Wars and the importance of a Jedi mentor, they moved on to the next few portraits.  Giles easily recognized the Spike in the following pictures. These were all of Spike as the watcher knew him.

"You didn't draw much during this time" Giles mentioned.

"Not really" Angel replied staring at the portraits being passed between the two.  "I was busy helping you and Buffy.  I really didn't have much time to think about Spike until he showed up in Sunnydale and even then I was too busy fighting him to spend time drawing."

"Preoccupied" Giles murmured.

Angel snorted at the small dig from the Englishman.  He scowled at the next picture.  He looked at the watcher and sighed.  "And then I lost my soul" he whispered as he handed over the next picture.

Giles thought he had seen the worst of the pictures, but the image before him caused him to catch his breath.  His eyes flew up to search the dark brown ones staring at him.

Angel immediately looked away, not wanted to look the other man in the eye. Softly he whispered, "It was the only picture of Spike I drew as Angelus during that time.  I was so focused on killing the slayer that I barely had time to torment Spike.  But when I did it, I made sure I did it right."

Spike was livid.  When he first found out that his sire was back, he wasecstatic.  Something happened and Angel the poof had lost his soul.  Angeluswas back and he was ready to party.  Sure, he had a tiny Slayer obsession,but that was alright with the blonde vampire.  He had a bit of one himself.But slowly, Angelus began to get on his nerves.

It started slowly.  The dark vampire insisted on taking Drusilla hunting.He claimed that Spike wasn't an adequate partner for the female vampire inhis wheelchair and demanded that Spike stay at the warehouse.

Then Angelus began to do some odd things.  He insisted on helping Dru takeover the world with the Judge.  Spike had never been too keen on the idea,but his girl wanted a prezzie for her birthday, so Spike got her what sheasked for.  Angelus showed up and suddenly it turned into 'Let's take overthe world'.

The plan failed.  The Judge was now in a thousand separate little pieces,never to be reassembled again.  Dru was very upset and Angelus.well, Angeluswas extremely pissed off.

And Spike did the one thing that would make it worse.

Angelus seethed as Spike took to teasing him for his failings.  Sure, thePoof had slept with the slayer, but Spike was still Angelus' childe andAngelus was just waiting for the opportunity to remind the invalid of hisplace.

His chance came soon enough.

Angelus began to take Drusilla from Spike's bed to take her to his own.Spike knew that by vampire lore, he had the right as sire, but it still madehis blood boil.  Angelus had left them for a hundred years and now, justbecause he has no soul, he thinks he has the right to play with them again.

Spike knew Angelus was using Dru for more than just his own pleasure.  Hewas deliberately trying to hurt Spike.  The blonde had been devoted to theinsane vampire all his life, but she always returned to 'her daddy' and thatupset Spike more than he was willing to admit.

What Angelus understood that Spike would not admit was that the blonde wasmore upset that his sire had taken Dru and not him.  Spike longed for thetouch and attention of his sire even more than he hated him.

As time went on, Spike's comments became snarkier and even more vulgartoward the dark vampire.  Angelus decided to teach his blonde childe hisplace, so he sent out Dru and all the minions to go hunt.

He easily found Spike.  He was sitting in his wheelchair in the bedroom heshared with Drusilla.  The very same room where Spike let Dru torture himbefore they did the ritual to restore the insane vampire.

The blonde vampire looked up at the intruder.  "What do you want?" hesnapped.  He quickly learned that he had made a mistake.

Angelus moved across the room so quickly that Spike could barely track hismovements.  All he knew was that he suddenly found himself sprawled over thelarge bed with his sire towering over him.

"I think you have forgotten your place in this family, boy" the darkvampire snarled in the shocked face below him.

Spike was in shock.  He knew that something was wrong with his sire.  Eversince he had come back, his obsession seemed to consume him and was slowlydriving him insane.  The wild look in his eyes made the blonde more scaredof him than he had ever been.

"Sire" he whispered, trying to sound submissive.  "Is everything alright?"

"No, my boy" Angelus growled out.  "Everything is not alright. You seemed tohave forgotten who you belong to.  I am going to make you remember."

Spike flinched at the tone in his sire's voice.  Angelus could be a rightbastard, but, despite all the rumors, he was never vicious with hischilder.until now.  The dark vampire quickly flipped the smaller man overonto his stomach and began to run his hands over the damaged back.

"Got yourself in a bit of a jam here, didn't ya' boy?"

"Yes" Spike answered quietly, trying to sound as much like William as hecould.

"What could we do about that, hm?" Angelus wondered out loud.

Spike gasped.  He had sat in that damn chair for much too long.  The Slayerhad damaged him so badly, that even with vampiric healing, Spike's body wastaking months to mend itself.  He had been feeding well, trying to help hisbody heal, but he knew that Sire's blood would help him mend even faster.As a fledge, Angelus had rarely shared his blood with him and Spike wassurprised that he would be willing to help him now.

Not receiving an answer, Angelus began to undress the blonde below him.Spike tried not to move as the strong hands stripped him of his clothes.  Hehoped that his sire didn't plan on doing what he thought he was going to do.With the damage in his back, Angelus trying to take him would only make itworse.

Once all the material was removed from the pale figure, Angelus sat back andsighed.  His boy was always so beautiful.  All smooth, almost translucentskin covering taut muscles.  He could see where Spike was damaged.  Heslowly traced the cracked and twisted vertebrae protruding from the man'sback.

Spike moaned in pain as the dark vampire began to probe and push the brokenbones harshly.

"Poor Spikey" he cooed.  "All broken by the Slayer.  Poor boy."

He pushed harshly down on the broken spine, causing Spike to cry out inpain.  He smirked to himself as he repeated the motion.  The dark vampireloved the sound of the man below him moaning in pain.  Angelus pushed harderuntil Spike cried out and begged, "Sire, please."

"Please what, boy?" he asked.

"Please stop."

Angelus chuckled at his triumph.  His youngest childe is was very proud andhe rarely begged.  Maybe since he was hurt, he would be more easilymanipulated.  Angelus couldn't wait to break him again.

Spike knew the tone of that laughter and it sent a chill down his brokenspine.  If he were whole, maybe he could fight him off, but Spike knewbetter.  Angelus was not only bigger, but he was stronger as well, theadvantage of being older.

Angelus leaned over and licked the blonde's neck up to his ear.  He bit downharshly on the lobe, drawing a small drop of blood before licking it away."Did you miss me boy?" he whispered in the younger man's ear.

"Yes" Spike answered truthfully.  "But right now I just wish you would fuckoff!"

The dark vampire laughed at the boy.  <He still has balls> he thought."Actually I think that's a good idea, childe."

Spike gasped when he felt rough, large hands begin to grope down his back.Angelus harshly pulled and manipulated the sore muscles, causing the brokenman below him to moan in pain.  He continued his trek down the prone bodyuntil he reached the smooth globes of flesh he remembered so well.  Palminga cheek in each hand, Angelus began to squeeze them until Spike began tomoan.

"Like that, do ya' boy?"  He reached around the trim waist to find a surgingerection pressing against the bed sheets.  "It's good to see that noteverything below the waist is broken" he whispered as he began to gentlystroke the hard flesh.

Spike gasped as the hand around his painfully hard cock suddenly vanished,only to appear again on his backside.  Angelus used both hands to spreadapart the flesh to reveal the tender hole hidden therein.  He leaned down tocircle the tight ring of muscle with his tongue.  The blonde whined as thetongue moved faster, leaving behind a layer of saliva.

Spike was amazed at the change of attitude in his sire.  He never expectedAngelus to be loving with him.  "Sire" he moaned, declaring his love withthat single word.

It was exactly what Angelus was waiting for.  He quickly knelt behind hischilde and entered him harshly.

 Spike screamed at the rough intrusion.  He had never felt anything sopainful in his life.  He had torn in several places and the blood made theway easier for the invading cock.

Angelus quickly and mercilessly pounded into Spike, ignoring the cries fromthe man below him.  Soon, the older vampire was crying out his completion ashe poured his cold seed deep inside the torn and bloody channel.

Smacking Spike harshly on both cheeks, Angelus pulled his softening cock outof the messy hole.  He laughed at the vampire sprawled out on the bed as hetucked himself back into his leather pants.

"Well, Spike" he threw over his shoulder as he headed for the door.  "Youmay not be worth much now that you're special needs boy, but at least you'restill a great fuck."

Spike laid on the bed for a long time, first listening to his sire leavinghis room and then trying to block out the sounds of him and his princess inthe other room.  As he slowly rolled over, he felt the new damage thatAngelus had caused.

<He could have healed me> he thought angrily.  <Just a little of his bloodand I would be whole.>

Spike cringed as he heard Drusilla calling out his rapist's name.  "Justwait Angelus" he whispered in pain as he slowly began to pull his clotheson.  "You're not the only bastard around here.  Just wait until the Big Badis back in business."  He was glad no one could see the tears thataccompanied the declaration.

"It was the only time Angelus ever raped him" Angel whispered as he stared at his fingers now clasped together on top of the portfolio.  "It was also the only time he ever touched him after he came back until Spike beat the shit out of me with a crowbar."  He looked back up at Giles with a slight smirk on his face.  "He's such an idiot.  Just think what could have happened if Spike had been on Angelus' side during that fight."

"We would all be in hell" Giles whispered in awe.  He suddenly realized that Spike had saved the world one more time than he had really been given credit for.

"And I'm an idiot" Angel whispered, almost too quietly for Giles to hear. "You would think I would learn from his mistakes, but I continued to underestimate him."  He stared the watcher in the eyes, the accusation clear.  "We all did."

~Part: 10~

Angel refilled both glasses and noted that the bottle was almost half empty. <Like my life> he thought bitterly.  The trip through the portfolio so far had been pleasant compared to where they were going to go now.  Angel almost considered just closing the book and telling Giles to fuck off.

He looked at the watcher and changed his mind.  Giles wanted to know and Angel would tell him.  He kept these memories all to himself for so long it would be a relief to unburden himself of some of the pain.  He picked up the stack of papers that remained from that period of time.

Giles gasped at the shocking images.  Angel shrugged one shoulder before downing the contents of his glass before refilling it.  The pages were filled with brutal images.  The look of them screamed pain and fear.  There were slashes of black across the pages, almost as though the artist was trying to block out the image hiding underneath.

The pictures that the watcher could find an image in frightened him.  In one, he could make out the distorted face of the blonde vampire, his mouth open as if he were screaming and all his teeth were razor sharp points. In another, his eyes were too big and all black staring horrifically out at the Englishman.

Giles looked up at the dark vampire.  Angel stared at the desk before sighing heavily and explaining.

"Those were from after I came back from hell.or where ever it is that I was" he whispered.  "I was trapped in Acathla's dimension for hundreds of years. I relived every terrible thing I did as Angelus over and over again.  I felt everything I ever did as Angelus.  I felt it just like it was happening to me.  Things I did to William, to Drusilla, to Penn, to Jenny."

When he said the last name, Angel's eyes met the watcher's.  Giles visibly flinched at the reminder of his lost love.  Anger began to pour over him at her memory.  He squashed it at the look of pain evident on the vampire's face.  But for a moment, deep in the watcher's heart, he was happy for that pain for there was no way it could match his.

When Giles seemed to come back from the dark place he had visited, he looked at the vampire and sighed.  It would be so easy to hold onto the pain and hate, but after what they had just been through, it seemed pointless.  They had faced the end of the world.again, and come out the other side, but who was to say that next time they would be so lucky.

The watcher nodded to Angel to let him know he was ready to continue.  "That was a very difficult time for me" he whispered just loud enough for the human to hear.  "The nightmares were horrible and it seemed to help to put these images down on paper.  Most of the pictures ended up in shreds or as ash in the fireplace.  I have no idea why I kept those."

Giles nodded without answering.  In an odd way, he did understand.  The memories were painful, but necessary.  He glances back at the abstract expressions of Angel's pain and sighed.  There was obviously more to this man than the watcher had previously given him credit for.

Angel handed him several more pictures and Giles smiled at the difference. The figures returned to the more familiar form and the watcher recognized the man within.  One picture made him laugh.  It was Spike standing behind Joyce making faces at the artist.  When the Englishman showed the picture to the vampire, he smiled.

"Yeah" Angel chuckled.  "Remember when Spike came back and kidnapped Willow and Xander?  Buffy and I found him at the Summers' house sitting in the kitchen with Joyce, drinking hot chocolate.  I don't know why, but Spike always had a thing for all the Summers women."

Giles nodded at the comment.  He agreed.  Spike always seemed to be around them, whether it was Joyce, Buffy or Dawn.  "So what's the story behind the picture?"

"Nothing much" Angel replied.  "I showed up and saw him inside, but when I tried to enter, I couldn't.  They had revoked my invitation when I was Angelus and I hadn't gone over to Buffy's yet.  When I couldn't enter, Spike started making fun of me and he made that face behind Joyce's back.  It was so funny; even then it was hard not to laugh.  It was perfectly Spike."

Giles had to admit, Spike certainly seemed in his element.

Exchanging pictures, Giles studied the next portrait thoughtfully.  It seemed to carry no special significance upon first glance.  The only thing that caught the watcher's attention was the tall, thin vampire standing behind the blonde in the picture.

Although physically lacking in interest, Giles noticed the emotions rolling off the page through the blonde vampire's eyes.  They were full of sadness and pain.

"When was this?" he asked simply.

"After Oz brought me the Gem of Amarra.  Spike decided he wanted it back."

Giles noted the sadness in the dark vampire's face as he talked about the lost gem.  But somehow he knew that Angel wasn't sad for the loss of the mystical ring.

//Angel was surprised when he awoke to find himself in chains, hanging in an empty warehouse.  He was even more surprised that Spike wasn't going to torture him.  Oh, he had expected to be tortured, that went without saying. But he couldn't believe that Spike had hired someone to do it for him.

Torture was a very personal thing.  The fact that Spike wouldn't be torturing his sire himself spoke volumes.  Marcus had spent hours working on the dark vampire.  Angel was surprised that he hadn't been raped.  Happy, but surprised.  Most vampires, especially male vampires, used rape as an integral part of the breaking of their victims.  He wondered if that was because Marcus didn't use it in his torture, or if Spike had commanded him not to.

Movement out of the corner of his eye and Angel saw his childe stride into the warehouse.  He yelled at Marcus for taking so long.

Angel took a moment to study the conversing vampires.  Marcus was a piece of shit, hardly worth his time.  Sure, he may be good at what he does, but he's nothing compared to Angelus in his prime.  He couldn't wait to watch his ashes floating on the breeze.

But Spike.Spike confused him.  At times, he seemed to be rejoicing at the cries of the restrained vampire.  Hell, he even got into the act and impaled Angel with a hot poker himself.  However, other times he seemed to be in as much pain as the victim himself.

"Spike" he whispered, trying to get his childe's attention.

The blonde turned slowly to look at his sire.  The look on his face confused the dark vampire.  He could almost swear he looked ashamed.

"Marcus" the blonde said quietly.  "Leave us for a minute, eh mate."

The torturer reluctantly left the other two alone.  Spike waited until he was sure he was out of earshot before he spoke.  Moving close to Angel, he sighed and asked, "What are we doing, sire?"

Angel was shocked at the question but even more at the tone of his childe's voice.  "I don't know, Spike.  Why don't you stop this?"

"Why won't you give me my ring?" he demanded, desperation in his voice.

"I can't let you have it, Spike" he sighed, knowing that his response would only infuriate the blonde.

Spike began to scream and pace around the open room.  "Jesus Christ, Angel! Why do you hate me so?"

The older vampire flinched at the harshness in his childe's voice.  "I don't hate you, childe."

"Don't" he screamed, facing off with the restrained man.  "Don't call me that!  You lost the right to call me that when you left me broken in Sunnyhell."

"That wasn't me.  That was."

"Don't you dare blame it on Angelus" Spike interrupted.  "You can make your pet humans believe that you two are separate, but I know the truth.  You are him, just with a conscience."

Angel sighed, he knew that Spike was right, but to keep his sanity, he had to believe that he was not his demon.  He looked at the raging vampire with pity and pain in his eyes.

"I can't give you the gem, Spike" he said finally.  "You'll kill everyone."

"What? Like you?" he screamed, finally moving closer to Angel.  "You tried to send the whole bleedin' world to hell.  I just want to spend some time in the fuckin' sun."

"What?" Angel asked.  Now he was thoroughly confused.

"You killed me and took me out of the sunlight, remember?" he continued to yell.  "You gave me eternity, but I never get to feel the sun.  That's all I want, Angel.  Some warmth on my skin without bursting into flames.  You took that from me, Angel.  I wanted that back.  Now where is my fucking ring!"

Angel bowed his head.  He was right.  Angel had stolen from him, first his life and now his ring.  But he couldn't give either back.  One because it was impossible and the other because of his conscience.  Even Spike's reassurance that he just wanted the ring for the tactile pleasure of feeling the sun on his skin again would not convince the dark vampire.  He knew his childe and he would always use every advantage available to him to defeat the slayer.  If he gave Spike the gem, Buffy and all his friends in Sunnydale would be dead in no time.

"I.I can't Spike" he said quietly.

The blonde began to scream his fury as he started to pummel the restrained vampire with his fists.  Angel felt the blows shatter bone and bruise tender skin.  He tried to keep from crying out, but soon the pain from the torture and the beating were too much.  Soon he was pleading with his boy.

"Spike, please.  I'm sorry.  Stop."

Finally Spike calmed himself and took a tentative step back.  "You gonna tell me where my ring is?" he asked between as he panted harshly.

"No" Angel said, tears hanging unshed in his eyes.

"Marcus!" the blonde shouted.  Soon, the mousey torturer was back and turning on his record player.  "Get me my ring" Spike commanded quietly to the smiling vampire as he quickly left the room without looking back at the man still hanging in chains.//

"You know you were right, don't you?" Giles asked.  "If Spike had come into possession of the Gem of Amarra, he would most certainly have destroyed us. You saved us."

"I know" Angel sighed.  "But he was right.  I'm sure a large part of his wanting that ring was to be out in the sun.  It was the one thing that he missed the most after he was turned.  I took that away from him and I didn't care."

They sat in comfortable silence for a few moments.  Finally, Giles asked, "Why did he hire someone to torture you instead of doing it himself?"

After a moments contemplation Angel replied, "I wondered that for a while myself.  Honestly, I think maybe he couldn't do it himself.  He wanted to. I mean, he actually drove a hot poker into my body, but it was just the one and it was only because I made him mad enough to do it.  Marcus was just an excuse.  He had learned enough about torture from Angelus that he would have broken me a long time before Marcus.  I just don't think he could do it."

Giles nodded at the thought.  After all that he had seen of Spike and his devotion to all of them over time, it was easy for him to believe that Spike cared enough for his sire not to torture him himself.  Curiosity suddenly got the better of the watcher and he had to ask, "Did you consider giving it to him?"

Angel sighed heavily before answering.  "I more than considered it.  I had started planning what we could do.  I figured we could share it.  Each taking our turns to go and do normal things in the light of day.  That's why I destroyed it.  It was too tempting to think that I could give in and offer him and myself the chance to feel the sun and be happy.  It would have been too easy."

But for Angel and Spike, nothing was ever easy.

~Part: 11~

Giles looked at the portfolio sitting before the dark vampire and sighed. There were only two sheets of paper left.  Two pictures were all that was left as evidence of Spike's existence.  The thought made the watcher sad. He was never fond of the blonde vampire, but he had continually fought with them and, in the end, he did save the world.  And all they had to prove he was ever there was a hole in the ground and a few sheets of paper.  Sad.

Angel noticed the look on the Englishman's face and smiled lightly.  He pulled out the last two pictures and looked at them for several long minutes.  Handling Giles the first picture, Angel watched the other man's face for a sign of recognition.

At first, Giles was unsure of what he was looking at.  He could see Spike from the side and by the feel of the picture, it was obviously nighttime. The blonde was standing with his head down and shoulders hunched over.  He was tightly gripping a bouquet of flowers in his hand.

As the watcher looked closer, he realized that he was standing in front of a freshly dug grave.  At first, he thought it was Buffy's, but he remembered Spike was constantly at Dawn's side after Buffy's death.

Suddenly it hit him.  "Joyce" he gasped.

"Yeah" Angel whispered.  "He always had a soft spot for her.  I think she was a substitute for his own mother."

Giles sighed as he looked down at the picture.  It was obvious that Spike was grieving over the woman who had become such a large part of all their lives.  They were so caught up in their own sorrow; no one even considered that the blonde vampire might be in pain as well.  He wondered how they could have missed it.

The watcher sat back to wait for the story that would accompany the picture and was surprised when the dark vampire leaned forward again and handed him the remaining picture.

"This was from later that same night" Angel said, smiling as he waited for the reaction he knew the picture would receive.  He wasn't disappointed.

"Oh dear lord!" Giles shouted as he looked at the scene before him.  He glanced back and forth between the two pictures and shook his head as the vampire began the story.

Angel had sat with Buffy beside her mother's grave just holding her until itwas almost time for the sun to rise.  He came as soon as it was possibleafter he received the news about Joyce's passing.

Angel wanted to be there for the funeral.  Not just to comfort Buffy, but tosay goodbye.  He and Joyce may not have always gotten along, but Angelalways respected her and he would miss her.

After just sitting and holding the grieving slayer, Angel stood and walkedBuffy to her car so she could go home.  Angel had originally planned ongoing directly back to LA after the service, but Buffy needed him, so nowthere was no way for him to make it back before sunrise.  He would just haveto find a hotel room to stay in for the day.

Angel turned around and began to head over to his car which he had parked onthe other side of the cemetery.  He knew he had to pass by Joyce's grave onthe way, so he decided to stop and say a few private words to the deadwoman.

As he approached her resting place, Angel heard someone speaking veryquietly.  He hid behind a tree to see who it was.

"You know I never really wanted to kill her" he heard floating across thebreeze toward him.  "Well, maybe when I first came here, but after that, itwas just a spot of fun, I swear."

Angel recognized the voice.  It was Spike.  Angel was so upset that hisarrogant childe would come and harass a dead woman that he nearly jumped outfrom behind the tree he was hiding behind to beat the blonde to a bloodypulp.  But then he caught the faint scent of pain and tears.  Spike wascrying.

"You asked me a favor once.  Do you remember?" he asked the mound of dirt."You asked me to keep Buffy safe and watch out for the Bit.  Do you thinkthey knew I came over to talk with you?  I don't think so.  Buffy would havedropped a load if she knew.  Or try to kill me again.  Why do you think shedoes that?"

Angel was frozen in the middle of his attack.  He couldn't believe what hewas hearing.  Spike was talking to Joyce's grave like they were.friends.  Hespent time with her and promised to watch out for the girls.  Joyce trustedWilliam the Bloody with her most precious treasures.  And she hated Angel.

The dark vampire felt a pain in his chest at that thought.  He was thechampion, the dark avenger, as Xander loved to call him.  Why did she askSpike to watch out for them and not him?  Maybe because Spike was the onewho was actually there.  Angel just left them behind.

"She was here with the Poof" Angel heard Spike say.  "They both miss you,you know.  We all do.  You made the best hot chocolate.  You know, thatalways made me feel special.  You knew I'm a vampire and yet you neveroffered me blood.  Almost like you thought of me as a man" Spike snickered."Or a boy."

Angel watched as the blonde stepped forward, making sure not to tread on thefreshly interred dirt and placed the modest bouquet at the head of thegrave.

"I'll make sure no one messes with your stone once it's up" Spike saidquietly to the ground.  "And fresh flowers.  No one likes brown wilty ones,right?"  He sighed heavily.  "Goodbye Joyce."

Angel watched, amazed, as his childe swiped off the tears running down hischeeks with the back of his hands.  He suddenly looked less like the onehundred twenty plus year old vampire he was and more like a grieving child.

Spike quickly turned and strode off into the cemetery.  He obviously did notfeel the presence of his sire there.  <He must be too upset> Angel thought.

The dark vampire had a decision to make. Should he follow his childe or justleave him and find a place to stay for the day?  Finally deciding, he tookoff after Spike.

He raced around to try to get to Spike's crypt before he did.  Angel stoppedas he felt a presence waiting for them.  He hid behind a large marble markershaped like an angel so that he could get a good look at the person waitingin front of Spike's crypt.  He was as shocked as the blonde vampire to see.

"Harris?" Spike asked when he saw Xander standing in front of his crypt,leaning his head against the stone door with his back toward the cemetery."What you want, ya' git.  Don't have time for your bullshit tonight."

Xander slowly turned around and both Angel and Spike gasped at the sight.The boy's eyes were red and puffy and held the deepest sorrow Angel had everseen.  He had obviously been crying for awhile, but Angel couldn't rememberseeing the boy shed a single tear at the funeral.

"Xan?  You alright, luv?" Spike whispered as he slowly approached theweeping boy.

Xander merely shook his head and the tears began to flow faster.

"Talk to me, pet" Spike pleaded as he began to stroke the short brown curls."I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong."

"She was my mom" Xander finally sputtered out.  "She was the mom I alwayswanted.  She was the only one who never thought I was an idiot.  She treatedme like a man."

Spike smiled at the thought.  "Me too, pet" he told the young man as hebegan to wipe the tears from his warm cheeks.  "She was quite the lady, ourJoyce."

The brunette looked up at the vampire before and yelled, "Then why did thishave to happen to her?  She didn't deserve this!"

"I don't know" he started to say but then he was assaulted by the grievingboy.  Xander began to punch and flail against Spike's chest, trying topunish the vampire for everything that ever went wrong in his life.  He wascrying and screaming and punching for all he was worth.

For a while, Spike just stood there and took it.  But soon he became afraidthat the boy might hurt himself, so he used all his preternatural speed andgrabbed Xander, pinning his arms to his sides.

"Xan, luv, stop this" he commanded quietly.  "She's gone and nothing isgoing to bring her back."

As if Spike had flipped a switch, Xander collapsed in the blonde's arms.  Hewept so hard that Angel could see Spike's biceps twitching in the effort tocontinue to hold the boy upright.

Xander finally collected himself enough to look into the azure blue eyes ofthe vampire holding him.  "Spike?" he whispered almost as if he forgot wherehe was.

"It's me, pet" Spike said, leaning in.  "I've got you now."

Angel gasped as he watched Xander breach the distance and place his lipsagainst Spike's.  At first, it was just a tentative touch but then it grewout of the desperation both men were feeling. Lips were smashed together andteeth clinked against each other as they tried to devour each other.

Xander was the first to pull away, desperate for a breath of air.  As soonas he had filled his lungs, he dove in to kiss and bite the vampire's neck.Angel practically moaned to the smell of arousal in the air.  After holdingon to Buffy for so long on top of his self imposed celibacy over the lastfew months, this sight before him was the most erotic thing he had everseen.

Xander continued to lick and bite at the vampire's flesh.  Spike slowlypulled the boy's mouth away from his delicious torture to look him in theeyes.  "Xander?" he asked, hoping it was enough of a question.

"Please" the boy begged.  "I need this."

That was enough for the blonde and he lunged back to the warm mouth andswept his tongue inside to taste every bit of the boy he could.  Hands werenow roaming under shirts and pulling at belts.  Angel watched as both men'spants were opened and their straining erections were exposed to the coolpre-dawn air.

It was too much of a temptation to stay and watch, so Angel joined the twoand opened his trousers.  He bit back a moan as he took his achingly hardcock into his hand and began to stroke himself.

Spike reached around to grab Xander's wool covered ass to force theirerections together.  He groaned as the boy reached back and thread hisfingers through Spike's blonde hair and tugged harshly, making the vampirearch his neck unnaturally backward.

Xander began to suck and bite viciously at the straining flesh in front ofhim as he began to thrust his hips against the vampire.  The feel of thecool, hard ab muscles rubbing against his hot, overly sensitive cock wasdriving him crazy.  Spike thrust back just as hard, squeezing the ass cheeksunder his fingers hard enough that he knew Xander would find finger shapedbruises later.

Angel moaned looking at the two gorgeous creatures before him, rutting likedepraved animals.  All three of them were simply moving on instinct now.Spike and Xander against each other and Angel into his own hand.  Almostsimultaneously, the three men tensed and shuttered, releasing harshly intothe night.

Xander was panting and licking a large bruise he had left on Spike's neck ashe continued rubbing slowly against Spike with his rapidly softening cock.Spike brought his hands up to card through Xander's hair and gently placinga kiss by his temple.  Angel took out his handkerchief and wiped his handbefore tucking himself back in and fastening his pants.

The human slowly lifted his head to look at the blonde vampire.  "What thefuck was that, Spike?" he asked with wonder and sadness in his voice.

"Grief, luv" Spike whispered before placing a chaste kiss on the boy's lips."Just grief."

Xander nodded slowly and leaned his head back to look at the rapidlylightening sky.  "Sun's coming up" he commented.

Angel looked up and was surprised he and Spike had lost track of time socompletely.  He didn't even have time to make it to the car.

"Want to come in?" Spike asked.  Angel's head shot up, thinking that theblonde was talking to him.

"No" Xander replied.  Angel sighed when he realized he had not been caught."I should get back.  Everyone's staying at Buffy's house today and if theywake up and I'm not there, they might freak."

Spike simply nodded and stepped back, letting the boy adjust himself as hedid the same.  Angel watched as his childe went to step around his onceenemy.

"Thank you" Xander whispered as he grabbed Spike's arm.

Spike looked down at the restraining hand and then up into the chocolatebrown eyes of the boy he once hoped to claim.  He shrugged lightly and thenwalked into his crypt, slowly closing the door behind him.  Angel waiteduntil Xander had walked out of sight before running over to the sewer accessbehind Spike's crypt and jumped down in the darkness just before the day'sfirst rays reached over the horizon.

Giles tried to resume a normal breathing pattern as he looked at the second picture.  Spike and Xander, their cocks pressed between them, kissing like lovers.

"I never knew" he said puzzled.

"No one did" Angel replied.  "I guess after that, they went right back to hating each other.  Or at least, Xander went back to hating Spike.  He never really did, you know?"

Giles looked at Angel, confused.

"Spike" Angel explained.  "He never hated Xander.  He liked him actually. But he couldn't let anyone know it.  They are too much alike, in a weird sort of way.  And Spike always did love a challenge."

Giles smiled at the idea.  Holding up the two pictures, he looked at Angel gravely.  "So this is it?" he asked.  "This is all that is left of Spike?"

Angel reached behind and picked up a sketch pad that had been sitting behind him.  He held it up for the watcher to see.

"Not exactly" Angel said with tears in his eyes.  "He has one more story to tell."

~Part: 12~

Angel sighed as he held the sketch pad in his hands.  He wasn't sure he was ready to do this.  The last picture.  His last memory of his childe.  Once he put this away, was it the last of Spike?  Would anyone remember him? Angel smiled when he looked over at the watcher waiting to see what the dark vampire held in his hands.  He would remember and so would Giles.

Opening the sketch pad, he handed the picture to the Englishman.  As Giles studied the picture, Angel refilled both glasses, suddenly realizing they had finished another bottle.  He contemplated retrieving another, but decided against it.  They had drunk enough for one night.  Plus Angel didn't know if he was going to need more for the nights yet to come.

Giles looked at the picture and somehow knew it had been drawn recently. "This is new" he stated.

Angel just nodded his head.  "Last night" Angel said softly.  "I couldn't sleep."

They sat quietly for a while.  Giles waited for Angel to tell his story and Angel waited for his courage to come back from wherever it had run off to.

Giles studied this last image of the blonde vampire.  Spike was standing in front of what looked to be a pyramid.  The symbol above his head looked familiar to the watcher.  He suddenly realized that this was where Buffy had gone to discover the secrets of the scythe used to defeat Caleb and the First.

He hadn't realized that Spike had gone there.  In fact, he was surprised that Angel had been there as well.

Angel watched the Englishman's face as he studied the picture.  He saw pain, confusion and finally understanding flash across his strong features.  Could he tell this part?  Angel didn't know if he could face the pain.

Giles scanned the man in the picture.  He had never seen so much pain in his life.  Even when he discovered Jenny's body twisted and lifeless in his bed, he couldn't imagine that much anguish.  It was as if everything that had supported Spike's life had been pulled out from under him.  After everything the watcher had heard from the vampire that evening, Giles suddenly became certain that this was one story he didn't want to hear.

"Sunnydale?" he asked quietly, almost as if his mouth had not understood his brain's desire to hide from this tale.

"Yeah" Angel answered cryptically.

Angel stood outside the crypt and watched as Buffy walked away with hisamulet in her hand.  His amulet.  He got it from Wolfram and Hart to helpsave the world and Buffy took that from him.  Sure, she said that she neededhim for something bigger.  Second line of defense or some bullshit likethat.  The truth of the matter was that she wanted someone else to be thechampion.  Her champion.  Spike.

 Spike had a soul and now he had Angel's slayer and his glory.  It burnedAngel up inside.  He had been living for over a hundred years with thissoul.  Learning to deal with the guilt and pain until he thought he would gomad.

 Spike had been with his soul for months at the most and Buffy found himworthy.

 It was enough to drive a man to drink.  But Angel wasn't a man.

 He had smelled Spike all over her.  When she walked up to him and pressedher soft body against him and kissed him like they had never been separated,Angel thought he would pass out from the mark Spike had placed on her.

 And he was there, watching them.  Angel could tell.  Spike was never able tostalk very well.  He was too rash and impulsive.  He would hum or growl, orworse, leave cigarette butts or other evidence around where anyone couldfind them.

 So Spike saw the kiss.  Angel felt like a teenage boy as he gloated inside.Spike was here but Buffy was kissing him.  <Ha!> he thought, internallytaunting his childe.

 Then Buffy had refused Angel's help and gave him an excuse that hadsomething to do with cookies.  He didn't quite follow the whole thing.  Thenagain, when Buffy and the Scoobies got going, he didn't understand them halfthe time.  Sometimes, they truly made him feel his two hundred plus years.

 And that was one more thing to envy Spike for.  Spike could fit in with thegang, but Angel didn't.  Somehow, he would always be on the outside lookingin.

 So, as he stood outside and watched the slayer walk away from him, Angelleaned against the large headstone behind him and waited for his childe toemerge.

 He didn't have long to wait.

 Spike walked out of the crypt and smirked at his waiting sire.  "Angel" hesaid quietly as their eyes met.

 "Spike" Angel all but spat out.

 "What are you doing here?" the blonde asked.  "Needed to come and tongue theslayer for fun?  LA that boring?"

 Angel grimaced at the vulgar description Spike just had to use.  "I came todrop something off for Buffy.  I have a feeling you will be hearing allabout it soon enough."

 Spike could practically taste the anger and despair coming off his sire.<What happened to him in LA?> the blonde wondered.

 "Got a soul now" Spike whispered.  He didn't know why he wanted to tellAngel this.  Maybe he wanted to rub it in his face, or maybe he wanted Angelto hold him until the fear went away.  He felt the silence spread outbetween them like a living entity, creating a void he was sure they wouldnever breach.

 "So I've heard" Angel replied, completely devoid of emotion.  Neither manspoke for a long time.  Spike thought they were simply going to leave it atthat and walk away until Angel spoke again.  "Why are you doing this,Spike?"

 "Doing what?" the blonde asked.

 "Trying to fit in.  Pretending to be the champion.  Did you think that ifyou made yourself more like me that Buffy would actually want you?"  Thedark vampire was practically seething.

 "I didn't do this to be like you, you pillock" Spike practically yelled.  "Idid this for me.for Buffy."

 Angel laughed in his childe's face.  "Like she would ever have anything todo with you.  She hates you."

 "Shows you what you know" the blonde threw back at the taller man.  "Shedoesn't hate me.  We were.involved."

 Angel laughed at the thought.  Buffy and Spike.  Spike and Buffy.  "Youreally think she loved you, boy?"

 Spike flinched at the term.  He always hated it when Angel called him that."No" he whispered sadly.

 Angel saw the broken expression on his childe's face and, for a moment, hewanted to hold him in his arms.  He quickly pushed the desire away andclutched his anger even tighter.

 "That's right.  She was using you as a substitute.  Who do you think she wasreally thinking of?"

 Spike flinched as though he had been slapped.  That was his greatest fear.He looked up into the brown eyes he missed so much.  "Maybe she was thesubstitute" he offered.

 This time it was Angel's turn to flinch.  <What was he saying?> he wondered.<Is he saying that he was using Buffy as a substitute for me?  He hates me.>

 Angel looked at his childe who was now staring at something very interestingnear his feet.  This was definitely not what he was expecting in a trip toSunnydale.  "Look Spike, I don't have time to deal with your bullshit.  Ihave to go and set up Buffy's 'second line' so if you fuck this up, I canpick up the pieces.again."

 Spike sighed.  He knew it would come to this.  Even with a soul, his siredidn't believe in him. Angel still saw him as the screw up he alwaysexpected him to be.  "We might not make it out of this one this time" heventured lightly.

 "We might not" Angel replied, sighing heavily.

 "We've been through a lot."

 "We have."

 The silence stretched out again and Spike began to fidget.  When Angeldecided he had enough, he turned to leave.  He stopped when he heard thesmall voice call out to him.

 "Sire?" Spike's baritone echoed through the quiet cemetery.

 Angel turned around and looked at his childe with contempt pouring out ofevery pore.

 When Angel didn't say anything, Spike continued, "I love you."

The dark vampire studied the blonde for a minute that seemed to stretch outfor eternity.  He didn't know whether to laugh or cry.  Finally he spat, "Noyou don't.  But thanks for saying it."  Spike imagined he could see thesarcasms literally dripping from Angel's tongue.

He stood and watched as Spike broke before him.  The unshed tears hanging inhis eyes that he willed himself not to cry brought a luminescent quality tohis sapphire orbs and just for a moment, Angel thought he could see Spike'ssoul.  And then it was gone.

Spike turned and ran away into the night and to his fate.

Angel spun on his heel surprised that for once he had gotten the upper handon his petulant childe and made his way back to LA.

"And now he's gone" Angel's voice did not betray any of the pain in his heart at the way he had treated the man who had saved the world.

"You couldn't have known" Giles offered knowing that the words meant nothing.  The guilt that Angel was feeling was not going to be lessened by his platitudes.

"I could have listened" he answered, quickly downing the last of the alcohol in his glass.  Looking at the empty glass, he said, "Well, we're out of whiskey.  I guess that means we're done."

"It would appear so" the watcher replied.  He too finished his drink and set the glass on the mahogany desk.  He handed the picture in his hands back to the dark vampire.

Once Angel had the final picture in his hands, he stared at it for several long minutes.  He couldn't believe that this was the end of the story.  He placed the picture in the back of the portfolio, slowly arranged all the pictures inside and deftly closed the latch.  Sighing, he ran his fingers through his hair and stood, picking up the leather bound pictures and clutching it to his chest.

"You're not putting those back in your desk?" Giles asked as he rose to join the vampire.

"No, not tonight" Angel said as he directed the Englishman out of the office.  "I'll show you to your room."

Giles followed Angel upstairs and down the hall of the second floor. Stopping in front of one of the non-descript rooms, Angel turned to the watcher and smiled.

"Thank you" he said quietly, holding out a hand tentatively.

"For what?" Giles asked, suddenly confused.

"For listening" he answered.  "I needed that.more than you know."

The watcher smiled lightly and took the vampire's hand in his own.  Giles shook Angel's hand and turned quickly to walk into his room.

After the Englishman closed his door, Angel turned away and walked to his own suite.  He made his way straight to his bed and stripped quickly.  Lying naked in his bed, he clutched the leather bound pictures to his chest and stared at the ceiling.

He thought for a long time, trying to go to sleep.  He thought about all he had lost.  Angel was so alone in this world.  Almost all of his family was gone, most of them by his own hand.  The Master, Darla, Penn, Conner and now Spike.  Maybe Drusilla would show up soon and he could complete the set.

He laughed bitterly at the thought.  He suddenly missed Spike more than he thought possible.  He couldn't believe that his last words to his boy were so mean.  If only he could have admitted that he still loved him that he needed him as much as he needed blood to survive.  But now he was gone and Angel would never have the chance to make things right.  He thought they had eternity, but now he was gone.  He just prayed that Spike had found it in his heart to forgive him.

Angel clutched the portfolio tighter to his chest and inhaled the scent of the leather deeply, imagining it was the scent of his childe's beloved duster.  He curled on his side to look at the empty side of the bed next to him.  And Angel wept.

The End

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