Joss guy does. Rating: Part 1 R (bad words, demon ickyness) Rating: PART
2 NC17!!! (Yes, actual sex stuff)
Spoilers: If you haven’t seen Season 4 of BTVS and Season 1 of Angel: TS
and
don’t want to be spoiled, then don’t read this.
Feedback: If you feel like it.
Classification: Spike/Angel
Authors Notes: This got way longer than I expected but they wouldn’t shut
up, so
here it is. The first part is kind of dark and a little serious, the second
part has smut
and further development of Spike and Angel’s, I don’t want to say
relationship
because they are not having a ‘relationship’, they are doing something but
I don’t
think either one of them knows what it is, but you know what I mean.

*************************

Part 1

Graves. Tombstones. Headstones. Footstones. No matter what you called them,
he was standing among them. Row after perfectly aligned row of graves,
jutting up from the perfectly manicured grass for as far as the eye could
see. And he could see a very long way. The moonlight was casting shadows so
that the deeply carved names were difficult to read without getting closer,
the dates even more difficult to read. But he didn’t want to read them,
didn’t want to see.

‘Where am I? Why am I here?’ He asked the question to the silent graveyard.
‘What do you want from me?’

‘Nothing.’ The word came from all directions and no direction; a whisper
out of the dark.

‘If you want nothing, why am I here?’

‘To see, to forgive, to understand.’

‘See what? Forgive what? Understand WHAT?’

‘Only look and you will see.’

‘No, I don’t want to see… ‘

‘You must or all will be for naught.’

‘All of what?’

‘Look.’

He stubbornly refused to look at first, knowing what he would see, but the
voice was insistent, hammering at him. ‘Look. Look. Look. Look. Look and
you will see.’

‘NO’

‘LOOK’

Finally, his eyes drifted down to the grave nearest him. ‘NO!’ He dropped
to his haunches and traced the name with his fingers. ‘She was innocent… my
sister was innocent… why.. why..’

‘She forgives.’

‘NO!’

‘Yes. Keep looking.’

Tears forming in his eyes, he no longer had the will to resist doing as he
was bid. The names, some very familiar, some only vague sparks of memory
slashed into him as he walked. The faces attached to those names coming
vividly at first and then nothing. All faceless names from the past. ‘So
many.. so many…’

‘They can forgive.’

‘NO! Why should they?’

‘Look again.’

‘No more.. no more… please.’

‘Look, see, understand.’

He stopped under a tree and wearily sat with his back to the trunk. ‘No,
there is nothing to see, nothing to understand. There never was.’

‘LOOK!’

He raised in eyes in response to the forceful command, his gaze on the
tombstone directly in front of him.

BUFFY ANNE SUMMERS DIED 1998

‘NO! I WILL NOT…’ But the date of death was slowly fading… leaving a blank.
His eyes moved to the next glowing white headstone…

‘Willow…’ and the next… ‘Xander’ and the next... ‘Giles…’ and the next….
‘Oz..’ ‘Cordelia…’ ‘Wesley…..’ On each grave marker, the chiseled date of
death was slowly fading, leaving an unmarked space.

He stood and started walking down the row. He recognized other names, names
of people he’d helped in the past year, all the death dates slowly erasing
themselves. He finally came to one that was not erasing itself.

‘Doyle….’

‘Nothing to forgive.’

‘It’s my fault.’

‘No, he chose an honorable death for himself so that others may live. Do
not cheapen his choice with your guilt.’

‘But…’

‘Understand.’

‘It can’t be that simple. These few lives can’t be worth all those I have
taken.’

‘Some things *are* that simple. The scales are not yet balanced and you
still have much work to do. Now go. Look. See. Understand. And forgive…..’

*****************

"NO! NEVER!" Angel bolted upright and looked around in panic.

"Hey… easy there mate. Lay back down, Angel, you haven’t finished healing."

"Spike? What…."

"We’re at your place, Cordelia’s fine, the demon is dead and you nearly got
your guts ripped out. So lay back down so I don’t have to patch you up
again." Spike pushed on Angel’s shoulder forcing him back down to the bed.
"Looks like you were having one doozy of a nightmare."

"What the hell happened? The last thing I remember was talking to that
doorman, haggling over the price of a key." Angel closed his eyes and bit
back a moan as pain washed over his entire body.

"Well, you went off to play super hero again. Dammit Angel! You were just
supposed to get the key and then all of us were going to check things out.
What the hell were you thinking?"

"Energy… I was talking to the doorman and I felt this huge wash of energy
coming from behind the door. Even the doorman felt it because his eyes got
real big and he just turned around and left." Angel’s brow furrowed as he
tried to remember what happened next. "I went inside and… a woman… a woman
was coming down the hall. She looked like someone had splashed her with a
bucket of red paint."

"Wish I could have seen… sorry, go on."

"One of the doors was open. I went in. There were…" he swallowed as another
bolt of pain shot through him. "…bodies everywhere. No, not bodies.. body
parts. I was so stupid. I didn’t see him until it was too late. He looked
almost human…. except for the teeth."

"What was it?"

"I don’t know. All I know is one minute I was standing there, trying to
make sense of what I was seeing, the next, I was lying flat on my back,
losing a lot of blood and then I woke up here. I failed again, didn’t I? He
killed them all…"

"Will you stop!" Spike clamped his lips shut and tried to rein in his
temper. Angel’s constant need to blame himself for everything was really
starting to work his nerves. "Since you’re awake now, you can feed."

"I don’t want…"

"I don’t care if you want to or not. You are going to. Here." Spike handed
him a tall glass filled with liquid nourishment. "Drink or I’ll find a way
to force it down your throat."

Angel glared for a moment then accepted the glass from Spike, draining it
in seconds. "Happy now?"

"Not quite, but we’re getting there. Now as for ‘boo hoo, it’s all my
fault’…Whether you remember it or not, you put the hurt on that demon
before you passed out. Even with your stomach, you somehow managed to poke
some pretty big holes in him before you went down. If you hadn’t he would
have been down the hall and half-way through the buffet in the next room or
out in the main part of the club munching on the tasty morsels out there."
Spike held up his hand when he saw Angel was going to protest. "I know, I
know, you should have gotten there sooner, you should have been able to
save wankers who thought it was a *good* idea to summon, capture and
torture a flesh eating demon just for the fun of it, etc., etc. Heard it
before, give it a rest."

"I should have…"

"I said give it a rest. Anyway, Cordelia and I were at the bar, I noticed
you were no where to be seen, Cordelia did that eye rolling, tongue
clicking thing she does when she’s annoyed and then some woman, probably
the same one you saw, comes stumbling out from the back rooms, screaming
bloody murder. Which I guess it was.. but anyway, that panics the cattle
and everyone is rushing for the door. I have to tell you; for once I was
grateful that Cordelia was there. If she hadn’t been, I never would have
been able to get across the room." He chuckled and took the glass back from
Angel, setting it of the bedside table.

"What do you mean?" Angel repositioned himself and grimaced. He was healing
faster now but still had a long way to go.

"Well, she was pushing and shoving people out of the way. Something I
couldn’t have done without my head exploding. If it hadn’t been for her, I
would have been too late."

"Too late for what?"

"To keep that demon from eating you or whatever it was he had planned. Oh
and to keep the demon from killing all the humans, too."

"How nice of you to give them a second thought."

"You know I don’t care about them so why act surprised… That wave of energy
you felt was probably the demon breaking his bonds. From what I could tell,
it looked like someone had been keeping him prisoner with traditional
restraints, but magic, too. Those people he killed were probably his
tormentors and it probably wasn’t the first time they’d done something like
that, either."

"So you’re saying he shouldn’t have been stopped, that they deserved to
die?"

"I didn’t say that, I’m just telling you what happened. Do you want to hear
it or not?"

"Yeah, go on.. I didn’t mean to…"

"Angel, I’m tired, hungry, dirty and still pissed at you, so shut up and
let me finish, okay?"

Angel, wisely, only nodded.

"Good. So anyway, Cordelia burst into that room, took one look and whipped
out her crossbow. She’s pretty good with that thing; by the way, she got
him right in the heart. Or where the heart should have been. It only pissed
him off, though. He kept right on coming, still heading right for you. Like
I said before, you got in some pretty good whacks with that sword of yours,
and he was hurting, just not enough."

"You killed him?"

"Yeah… couldn’t enjoy it much, though. Cordy was screeching at me to finish
it and you were over there bleeding all over the floor and the coppers were
coming.. so I cut off his head and then we got out of there. No time to
play."

"And Cordelia’s really all right? You’re not just telling me that to keep
me in bed, right?"

"Well, she is a little annoyed that she ended up ruining her shoes but
other than breaking a nail, she’s fine. Not a scratch."

"Where is she?"

"I dropped her off at her place before we got back here. I was not going to
have her fussing over you like some mother hen and listen to her bitch
about how tough bloodstains are to get out of her clothes. I don’t know how
you’ve managed to put up with her this long."

"You like her and you know it."

"I don’t like her… I tolerate her because she can give as good as she gets,
that’s all."

"Sure, whatever Spike. I’m sure the world would come crashing down around
you if you had human friends."

"We can discuss the truth behind that statement later. Right now I want to
take a shower, get something to eat and go to sleep. You need to your
beauty sleep, too." Pulling the sheet away from Angel’s waist, Spike
examined his wound. "It’s about closed but it will still hurt for a while."

"I don’t think I can sleep right now, but I am pretty hungry." Angel pushed
the dream out of mind, not yet ready or willing to examine what it might
mean. He looked down at his body and made a face. He was a mess of dried
blood and gore, scratches and gouges. The material of his boxers was
darkened in patches where his own blood had soaked through his now absent
pants. The bed was a mess as well. ((I’m definitely throwing out the
sheets. Cordy’s right, bloodstains are impossible.)) "I guess I could use a
shower too."

Spike snorted. "You can hardly stand up, how are you going to take a
shower?"

"I’m fine. Grab some sheets from the drawer and change the bed, will you?
I’m going to take a shower." Angel swung his legs over the side of the bed
and tried to stand. He immediately sat back down on the bed.

"Told you so." Spike rolled his eyes and pushed Angel back down on the bed.
"Just stay there, would you? You don’t have to be Superman or Batman or
whoever it is you think you are, all the time. I’ll be right back, so don’t
move and make me have to tie you down."

"Ha! Don’t you wish?" But Angel did as he was told. He hadn’t realized just
how weak he really was until he tried to stand.

Spike was back in a few minutes with two quart sized containers of warmed
blood. "There’s only two more left so I’ll have to go get some more
tonight. Drink these while I go shower and then we’ll see about you and the
sheets." He set the containers down within Angel’s reach on the bedside
table and went into the bathroom, shedding his clothes as he went.

"Thanks." he whispered so Spike wouldn’t hear. He picked up one of the
containers and gulped it down; disgusted with the taste, as always, but
knowing he needed it if he was going to heal. Remnants of his dream drifted
through his mind once more. ((No, not now… it doesn’t mean anything
anyway.))

**********************

Part 2

A wet, naked Spike came out of the bathroom before Angel could work himself
into a good brood. Well, not completely naked. Spike had a towel wrapped
around his waist and a scowl on his face, but nothing else. He stalked over
to Angel’s dresser and started rummaging around inside.

"Help yourself." Angel couldn’t drag his eyes away from the sight he hadn’t
seen in nearly a century.

"I was planning on it. Don’t you have any regular underwear anywhere?" He
turned holding a pair of silk paisley boxers. "Anything a little less
nancy-boy?"

"No. Put them on, you’ll see why." Angel continued to stare, waiting for
the moment Spike dropped the towel.

Spike shrugged and dropped the towel from around his waist. He wasn’t
totally unaware of his Sire’s gaze but he knew Angel was in no shape to act
on any thoughts that may have been running around in that gelled head. He
stepped into the underwear and slid the at least one size too large boxers
up his legs. An involuntary shiver ran through him as the silk slid up his
legs and caressed him like a lovers hand. "I see what you mean. Have to get
me some of these." He released the waistband and the boxers slipped down,
threatening to continue their descent before settling low on his hipbones.

Spike crossed to the other dresser and searched for a clean set of sheets.
Finding a set that was red instead of the usual black, Spike smiled and
pulled them out. "Now, for the bed." He set the sheets on the end of the
bed and dragged a chair over close to the bed. "Sit there for a minute."

Angel lifted an eyebrow at the commanding tone, but allowed Spike to help
him into the chair. He watched as Spike stripped the bed and remade it with
an efficiency that surprised the older vampire. He was going to ask where
Spike learned to change a bed so quickly but was distracted when Spike
leaned over to smooth a section of bedding and his boxers slide a few more
inches south. Angel held perfectly still, willing laws of gravity to work
in his favor. Spike chose that moment to straighten and pull the underwear
back up to its previous position.

"What are you looking at?" Spike was expecting some smart-ass comment about
his domestic skills not the look of pure longing that crossed Angel’s face
before being quickly masked.

"Nothing. So what now?"

"Get you clean." With a slight grin, Spike left the room and returned
minutes later with a large mixing bowl and several washcloths.

"Sponge bath?" Angel was appalled with the fact the his voice came out
almost as a squeak.

"Ooo, yeah. Think you can handle it without passing out?"

"I can handle anything you can dish out, Spike and don’t you forget it."
Passing out was not going to be a problem although he did feel a little
light headed from the sudden rush of blood leaving his head and heading
south.

"Hmm. we’ll see." Glad that Angel was feeling well enough to make jokes,
Spike went into the bathroom and returned with four towels, the mixing bowl
full of warm water and the liquid soap. When he finished spreading the
towels on the bed, he turned to help Angel. "Don’t want you messing up the
sheets again. Come on."

Angel nodded eagerly and held out his arms like a child wanting to be
picked up. He wasn’t as weak as he had been even a half an hour before, but
Spike didn’t need to know that yet, did he?

As gently as he could, Spike pulled Angel up and shifted him to the bed,
arranging the towels under him so that any water that would be absorbed.
"Boxers on or off?"

"Off." The damn things were loose fitting but getting tighter by the
minute.

"Looks like someone’s thinking happy thoughts." Spike tugged Angel’s boxers
off and threw them over his shoulder with a grin. "Now, where should I
start?"

After dunking the washcloth in the water, Spike rung it out and lathered it
up. He sat on the edge of the bed and quickly cleaned Angel’s face and
neck. After he rinsed the cloth and applied more soap he moved on to his
shoulders and chest, now taking his time with the task. "You didn’t finish
you dinner."

"Full." Angel closed his eyes and gave himself over to the pleasure of
being touched, something he didn’t allow himself often.

"You know as well as I do that you need to feed heavy right now." Spike
once again rinsed the cloth and began running it down Angel’s arms.

"Don’t like it." He sighed when Spike picked up his hand and started
cleaning each individual finger.

"Like that do you?" Finishing with the upper body, Spike went and dumped
out the now murky water and refilled the bowl. He was sitting back on the
side of the bed before Angel even knew he was gone.

"This may hurt a bit but you can take it, right?" He began to carefully
clean Angel’s stomach where the jagged wound was still red and swollen.

Angel nodded and tensed a little when Spike brushed over the tender area.
"It’s not so bad…."

"Yeah, well… this is going to hurt more." Spike put his hand behind Angel’s
neck and pulled him up, quickly washing his back. "Okay?" Spike asked as he
lowered Angel back down.

"Yeah." Until Spike had pulled him up, Angel had been so relaxed he was
almost asleep. While Spike went to get clean water again, Angel started
thinking ‘happy’ thoughts again, causing his erection to renew itself.

The sight that greeted Spike when he returned from the bathroom almost made
him forget why he was giving Angel a sponge bath in the first place. Angel
had kicked the covers completely off the bed and rearranged himself so that
he was propped against the headboard, legs open invitingly. "Um.. Angel,
what are you doing?"

"Nothing, just getting more comfortable. You still have to finish my legs
and.. uh.. other parts. Just thought I’d make it easier for you."

"Uh huh… you do remember that you still have a huge gash in your stomach,
right?"

"Mmmhmm…" Angel smiled slyly. "I’m not doing anything strenuous, just
relaxing. So get with the washing of the little piggies." He wiggled his
toes.

"Riiiight." Spike, not being the complete idiot people sometimes took him
for, knew exactly what Angel was up to, but since it fell in with his plans
anyway, he shrugged and knelt on the bed between Angel’s feet.

Wetting and lathering a fresh washcloth, Spike pulled Angel’s left foot
into his lap and started washing; around each toe, down the sole of his
foot and then around to the front, taking his time with every inch of skin.
When he’d finished with the foot he pulled it snug against his crotch,
showing Angel just how much he was enjoying himself.

Spike worked in silence, running the cloth and his hands up Angel’s ankle,
around his calf and behind his knee, stopping there only because that was
all of that long leg he could reach in his current position. He removed the
leg he finished with and pulled the right one into his lap, repeating the
performance a little more quickly than before.

Once he was done, Spike scooted further up the bed, still between Angel’s
legs. "More?"

"If you stop now I may have to kill you." Angel’s voice was definitely on
the growly side.

"Wouldn’t want that. But I’m hungry." Spike smirked when Angel bared his
teeth and growled for real. "It’s probably cold by now, but if you’re not
going to eat it…." He leaned across Angel, rubbing his silk covered
erection against Angel’s, careful not to put any pressure on Angel’s injury
and grabbed the full container off the nightstand. He held himself there
for a few seconds until he felt his Sire raise his hips and grind against
him. "None of that… yet." With another smirk, Spike righted himself and
brought the container to his mouth, draining it quickly. "Uggg.. tastes
even worse cold." He set the container on the floor and returned to his
task. "Now, where was I?"

"You were trying my patience."

Spike grinned and slapped the cooling washcloth onto Angel’s thigh. "And
here I thought you were better at this than I am." He washed Angel’s thighs
and hips swiftly, tiring of the ‘slow torture’ part of the game. The only
area left unwashed was currently pulsing against Angel’s lower stomach,
begging for attention.

When Spike climbed off the bed, Angel whimpered.

"I’ll be right back, don’t go anywhere." Practically running to the
bathroom, Spike once again dumped the water and refilled the bowl with warm
water. When he came back into the room he caught Angel reaching for his own
member. "Uh uh uh…" He resumed his position between Angel’s legs and
grabbed the offending hand, placing it back on the bed. Spike wrung out the
washcloth and applied it to Angel’s balls, not merely wiping but massaging
as well.

"Spike… please… I can’t.. "

"Been awhile, huh?" Spike took pity on him and moved the cloth up through
the curly hair to encircle Angel’s cock. He stroked it slowly from tip to
base and back again. "Enough of that…" Throwing the cloth aside he lowered
his head and took the cool column of flesh into his mouth.

Angel threw his head back, smacking it against the headboard, a long, low
moan escaping his lips.

Spike leisurely swirled his tongue around the sensitive head, occasionally
pausing to nibble on the retracted foreskin. Knowing that Angel couldn’t
take much more, Spike began sucking in earnest. Laying his tongue flat
again the shaft, he slid his mouth further down, almost to the base, before
making the return trip back up. Then again, faster this time and again and
again…. until Angel was writhing beneath him.

Within seconds, Angel was digging his fingers into Spike’s hair, holding
him steady as he came for what seemed like an eternity. Spike continued
licking and sucking until Angel released his head, arms falling weakly to
the bed.

"Angel?" Spike crawled up the bed and looked at his silent, unmoving Sire
with concern. "Angel, are you okay?"

Angel cracked open one eye and smiled at Spike. "Never better, why do you
ask?"

"You’re not going to get all broody and pretend this never happened, are
you?"

"No. Are you?"

"Of course not! That’s your gig not mine. Now roll over so I can get these
towels out from under you."

"Can’t."

"Why the hell not?"

"Comfortable now."

"Yeah, well, you won’t be if you sleep like that. You’ll get a crick in
your neck."

"Don’t care, not going to sleep anyway." ((No sleep means no more dreams…))

"Well, I don’t want to hear you bitch tomorrow, so you’re moving. And you
will be going to sleep." Spike grabbed Angel by the arm furthest away from
him and pulled, rolling the big body towards him. When he was sure Angel
wouldn’t roll back, he leaned over and removed the towels, throwing them on
the floor. He leaned back and saw that Angel was watching him with
amusement. "What?"

"Nothing important. Are you going to lay down any time soon or continue
crawling all over the place?"

"You want me to sleep here?"

"Please?"

Spike eyed him with suspicion, Angel never said ‘please’ to him. He
ordered, he manipulated, he asked and expected to be obeyed, but he never
said ‘please’. Sex was one thing, but sleeping together was….. well, it
implied trust and wanting something besides sex and whole list of other
things Spike didn’t really want to think about. Surely Angel didn’t mean…
"Why? Hoping for a repeat performance when you wake up?"

Angel sighed and shook his head. "Nothing like that, although I think I owe
you one, I just want… just lay down and…"

"Spit it out, Angel. And you don’t *owe* me anything. I did that because
that’s what *I* wanted to do."

"And wanted nothing in return.. sure, sure.. But I want you to sleep here,
with me, whenever you want, from now on.. okay?"

"Why?"

"Dammit Spike! I’m the one who usually likes to question things to death,
not you. Now lay down and go to sleep!"

Spike nodded slowly, still not sure what was going on with Angel, why he
seemed so insistent on them sleeping together. "Sure, mate. But tomorrow
you’re going to answer me." He reached down and pulled the sheet up over
the both of them, lying down on his side, back to Angel. He heard a
frustrated sound from behind him and soon found himself pulled back against
Angel’s chest. He opened his mouth to protest, thinking of Angel’s wound.

"Not a word Spike. If you want me to sleep, just stay still and shut up."

This was getting stranger by the minute but he snapped his mouth closed
when he felt an arm loop around his waist and a light kiss on the back of
his neck.

"Goodnight Spike and… thanks… for…. being there."

"Sure mate. And don’t think I’m going to…"

"GOODNIGHT, SPIKE!"

"Fine… goodnight, Angel." ((And you are bloody well going to explain this
even if it kills you… or more likely, me.))
 

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