Starting Over

Author: midnight

Email: nightfall_pixie@yahoo.com

Parts: 11 - 16

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
 
 

~Part: 11~

Spike entered the building, unsure of what to expect. He looked around and one thought came to mind. 'This is not my type of place.' As he glanced around different art exhibits and people, he found the one person he was looking for on the other side of the room. When he saw Angel, he couldn't help but to smile.

As he slowly walked over to him, he noticed Angel talking to an older woman about one of his pieces.

"I just don't understand the painting," the woman told Angel.

"Maybe it wasn't meant to be understood. Just to be felt."

Spike watched the way Angel's body practically screamed in defeat. He had a feeling this wasn't the first time he had had this conversation with someone. He decided to speak up. "Well I think it's beautiful. Abstract." The woman and Angel both turned to face him. He could see a sense of fury burning in the woman's eyes while Angel, his face was full of surprise. Spike didn't know if that was a good thing or not. "I'd buy it," he shrugged.

"You can't," she gasped. "I saw it first. It's mine." The woman turned back to Angel. "You won't sell it to him, will you? I want to buy it."

He glanced at Spike and then at her. "Of course I won't sell it to him."

After Angel had talked to her for a few more minutes, she wrote him a check and then walked away. Angel looked up to see Spike watching him. "What are you doing here?"

"Apparently helping you make a sale."

"I told you I didn't."

"Want me to follow you. I get that. I came on my own. I wanted to look at art." He knew Angel didn't believe him. "Let's pretend that I'm not really here just like you pretended that you didn't come to the club to watch me perform last night." A moment of silence passed between them. "Why did you leave so quickly that night? The minute that last song ended, you were gone. I watched you leave."

"I had my reasons."

"I can't wait to hear them."

"I don't think this is the place."

"This is the perfect place. Why?"

"I would have just been in the way. You had all these admirers. Admirers that wanted you." Angel felt the words die in his throat.

Spike took a couple of steps closer to Angel. So close that their bodies were almost touching. Reaching his hand out, he brushed his thumb across Angel's knuckles back and forth. The skin felt perfect under his touch. "Forgot one little bit there, pet. There's only person I want to be with." Spike looked into his eyes. "And he keeps pushing me away." Taking a step back, he turned around and started to walk away.

The touch to Angel felt like heaven. He didn't want the moment to end. When he saw Spike walking away, he called out his name.

Spike stopped and turned around, looking into the same eyes that he had stared into last night. "Yeah, luv."

Angel opened his mouth to speak, to say anything but he couldn't. He didn't know what to say.

Spike was disappointed. He had hoped that Angel would ask him to stay. That he would say anything, but instead all he heard was silence. "Good luck with rest of your art, luv. Granted I've only seen a few paintings, but you're a great artist."

And then that was the moment he walked away. For the next hour Angel kicked himself mentally for letting Spike walk away. Picking up his coat, he slid it on, not looking forward to going back to an empty apartment. As he walked outside of the building, he took a deep breath.

"Hello, luv."

He heard a voice from behind him. Spinning around, he saw Spike leaning against the wall.

"Where's the rest of your art?"

"I only had three pieces. They all sold. What are you still doing here?"

"Guess that means you don't fancy seeing me?"

"No," Angel said a little too quickly. "I like.seeing you. I just thought that you had left."

"I did. Grabbed a bite to eat. But you see, I realized that I could leave and go home or I could come back." Spike pushed his body away from the wall and walked over to Angel. "I could come back for what I really wanted."

"And um.what might that be?"

Spike decided to be truthful. "I can't get you out of my mind, luv." Spike took a deep breath. "You wanna go get some coffee?"

Angel couldn't help but to smile. "Coffee would be good."

~Part: 12~

Spike and Angel turned the corner seeing the coffee shop ahead. Spike glanced at him and saw that Angel was tense. "Try and relax," he told him. "It's just coffee."

Angel opened the door for them. "Right. Just coffee," he mumbled.

Spike looked around the building and noticed that they weren't that busy. "I'll get us a table and you get us some drinks."

"Ok. What kind of coffee do you like?"

"I don't like coffee. Just get me a hot chocolate."

That one statement confused Angel more than he could say. "You don't.but." Shaking his head he turned around and went to order the drinks.

~~~*~~~

A couple minutes later, Angel came back with the drinks and saw Spike smirking at him. "What?" he asked carefully.

"I know you want to ask, Angel. So just ask."

He leaned forward a bit. "Why are we in a coffee house if you don't like coffee?"

Spike picked up his hot chocolate and took a sip. "Because luv, I didn't come for the coffee."

"I don't understand," Angel mumbled.

"You can't be that clueless, pet." Seeing Angel's expression, Spike changed his mind. "Ok, maybe you can. I came here because of you. I figured you liked coffee and I wanted to spend time with you. Simple as that."

"You could've just told me the truth, Spike. You don't have to lie to me."

"You don't believe me. Why?"

"You have the music thing going. And the bad boy part down. You could have anyone you want."

"Maybe so," he told Angel. "But the only one I want is you." He took another sip of his drink. "You on the other hand. I don't have a bloody clue as to what you want."

"Well.see the thing is.I'm."

"Shy?"

"Yeah."

"Figured that much already. Good thing for us I'm not. It's simple, luv. Are you interested in me?"

"Interested?" Angel repeated.

"Do I strike your fancy, luv?"

Angel stood up quickly. "I really think I should be headed home. Thanks for the coffee and.it's been a long day. Well, have a good night."

Spike stared at him for a moment. He noticed he had never answered the question. He wasn't gonna let go of Angel that easily. "If you're going home, I'll head home myself."

"Ok," Angel answered in a soft voice.

~~~*~~~

The walk home and the elevator ride up were made in complete silence. Spike was trying to figure out what Angel was thinking and Angel was too busy being nervous to think much of anything.

Arriving at Angel's door, he turned around to say goodnight to Spike but noticed that Spike didn't seem like he was leaving.

"I would say good night, luv but that would mean the night was over and you still have a question to answer."

"What.um.what was the question?"

Spike smirked at the man. "Do I strike your fancy?"

"I can't stop thinking about you if you must know," Angel told him.

Spike smiled and took a step towards him, leaning into his body. He brought his lips close to Angel's. "Don't wait another week to see me," he whispered. Spike then leaned forward brushing his lips softly against Angel's. He pulled back and smiled at the dazed look on Angel's face. "Night, luv." Turning around he disappeared into his own apartment.

Spike shut the door behind him and leaned against the door. He brought his fingers up and touched his lips remembering what had just happened. As he pulled off his shirt there was a knock on his door. Frowning he pulled it open.

Angel knew he had a choice. He could go back into his cold apartment and be lonely or he could go and see Spike. Gathering all of his courage, he made his decision. Angel walked over to Spike's door, knocking on it loudly.

Spike pulled open the door and saw Angel standing there. "Forget something, luv."

Angel let his eyes roam over Spike's body and gulped. 'You can do this.' "Is now too soon to see you again?" Before Spike could answer, he stepped towards him and kissed him hard, resting his hands on Spike's shoulders and drifting them down his back.

Spike could feel Angel's hands slide across his back while he kissed him. To be touched, even the most innocent touch by Angel felt like heaven. Sliding his fingers through Angel's hair, he pulled them both into the apartment while somehow kicking the door shut.

~Part: 13~

Spike kissed Angel hard, trying to memorize every single moment. He could feel hands everywhere on his skin, heating up more with each moment. Pulling back slightly, Spike hooked his fingers into Angel's shirt, slowly lifting it over his head and tossing it to the floor. Before the garment hit the floor, Spike pushed him against the wall. He leaned up to Angel's ear. "Want you, Liam," he whispered. Lightly, Spike let his lips graze across the older man's neck, kissing and tasting his skin. As Spike reached for the button on Angel's jeans, Angel pushed him away gently. Spike was genuinely confused. "What is it?"

"You called me Liam," Angel told him softly.

"It's your name, luv."

"It's my real name. It's just so.personal." As he saw Spike reaching for the button on his jeans again, he pushed him away again. "We can't do this," he told Spike.

"Why not?"

"I just came over here to kiss you."

"Then you're getting a bit more now aren't you?"

"I want to take this slow, Spike."

"Slow? I'm not much for the slow route, pet."

Angel knew Spike didn't understand what he was trying to say. "I'm not forward.but I like you. And when I'm with you.when I see you, there's this spark. I just don't want to screw this up. This could be something."

Spike understood but couldn't help feeling a bit disappointed. His whole body was screaming out for Liam. He nodded and took a step back. "I don't want to screw this up either."

Angel could feel the tension between them. He almost wished he hadn't spoken up. "I should just go," he said quickly.

Spike met his eyes, emotions were strong with that one gaze. "You could stay," he told Angel. He turned around and walked towards the bed. Spike was waiting for Angel to say something but all he heard was silence. Slowly he pulled back the sheets on the bed.

Angel was arguing with himself mentally. He wanted to stay. He wanted to lie down next to Spike and never leave. But he knew if he stayed it would lead to more and it was his idea to take things slow. He took a deep breath. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure, luv. What is it?"

"Your name. Your real name. What is it?"

"Kinda personal, ain't it?"

"I shouldn't of."

"The thing is, the only people that know my real name are people I've been close with. People I've had personal.intimate relationships with."

"I understand." Angel turned to leave but stopped when he heard Spike's voice again.

"Were you serious? The something between us. The spark bit."

He turned around and met Spike's gaze. "More than anything."

"William. It's William." It was then when he saw Angel's smile but he wasn't moving towards him or towards the door. "Either leave or get in the bed, pet. Take your bloody pick."

Angel was smiling. Making a decision, he kicked off his shoes and walked quietly over to the bed. Climbing in, he could feel the heat from Spike's body.

Spike was happy Angel didn't leave. That he ended up staying. He could feel his own body molding itself to Angel and slowly melting into a jumble of emotions.

Angel turned on his side and pulled the covers over the both of them. He brought his hand up to Spike's face, grazing his thumb over Spike's cheek.

"Thought we were gonna sleep, luv."

"We will." Angel leaned over his body, pressing against Spike. He could feel Spike underneath him and his whole body responded to it. Leaning his lips down to Spike's, he started a long slow kiss.

~Part: 14~

William woke up the following afternoon. He reached out to pull Angel close to him. Feeling the other side of the bed empty, he frowned and opened his eyes. Liam was gone. Glancing at where Liam's warm body should be, he saw a piece of paper. Picking it up, he read the words silently.

William,

I had my reasons for leaving. If you want to see me tonight, come to my apartment around seven.

Liam

A smile tugged at William's lips. <Tonight, huh? Looking forward to it, mate.> Placing the letter back on the bed, he let his mind drift to the night before. Nothing had really happened. A series of soft kisses and innocent touched had continued through the hours of the night. To the average observer, it would seem like nothing special happened between them. But to
William, it was unforgettable. He could still taste Liam's lips against his. Could feel the other man's skin under his hands. And he could still feel his own skin heat up from the kisses that Liam had placed against his neck. Smiling, he glanced over at the clock. Seeing it was already a little after four, he kicked off the covers and stood up. Stripping out of his clothes, he walked into the bathroom, and turned the water on to the shower.

~~~*~~~

Liam glanced at the clock. 4:15. He had been pacing for almost ten minutes. He was nervous. Not about William but whether or not he would even show up. <Maybe I shouldn't have left. At least that way I'd still be in his bed, his arms.> Falling back on the couch, he took a deep breath and tried to relax.

~~~*~~~

William closed his eyes while standing under the steady stream of hot water. He inhaled the steam into his body, letting his thoughts drift away. Except for Liam. He couldn't push that thought out of his mind. William placed his hand against the wall of the shower in front of him to brace himself while his other hand found his cock. Remembering the kisses and touches, he started to stroke himself until he reached a steady rhythm. William imagined Liam's hands traveling across his body, his teeth nipping at his skin. "Liam," he mumbled over and over like a mantra. Feeling himself on the edge, he imagined Liam entering him slowly and taking control.

The thought alone was too much. As he started to cum, he gasped Liam's name breathlessly. His body shook from the strength of the orgasm. When he had the energy, he leaned over and shakily turned off the water. Grabbing a towel, he wrapped it around his body. He wiped the steam off the mirror and stared at the man that he had become over the years. He could
see the decisions he had made. The things he wanted out of life. Looking away from the mirror, he walked into his bedroom feeling the anxiety creep into his skin.

~~~*~~~

William waited impatiently for the next couple of hours to pass. Before he knew it, it was five minutes after seven when he found himself found himself standing outside of Liam's front door. William looked down at what he was wearing and felt comfortable. He had chosen a pair of tight fitting jeans with a long sleeve burgundy t-shirt and his boots. Taking a deep
breath, William lifted his hand and knocked softly on the door.

Liam stood on the other side of the door. All of his worries and fears disappeared when he heard the knock. After a couple of seconds he opened the door. Seeing the sight of William practically took his breath away. "Hey," he said shyly.

"Hey," William nodded. "You gonna invite me in?"

Liam could feel himself blushing. "Of course. Come in."

"Thanks, mate." As William stepped inside, he brushed his fingers against Liam's arm.

After closing the door, he turned around to face William. "Do you prefer being called William or Spike?"

He shrugged. "Whatever you fancy, pet."

"Ok. Um.just go ahead and get comfortable and I'll get us some wine."

As Liam left the room, Spike started to glance around. He noticed all of the paintings that covered the walls. Each one seemed to tell a story.

Angel grabbed two wine glasses and filled them each half full. Making his way back to Spike, he stopped when he saw what he was doing. He seemed to be studying each piece of his artwork.

Liam set down his glass and came up behind Spike. He circled one arm around his waist while he handed the wine glass to him with his other hand. After Spike accepted the glass, he stayed behind him, placing soft kisses on the side and the back of his neck.

Spike started to get lost in the sensation of Liam's lips on his skin when he suddenly froze. Reality hit him. He knew that whatever was going on between him and Liam could be something real. He wasn't sure if he was ready for that again. He knew himself too well. He knew he was love's bitch to the fullest extent. He also knew he became attached easily and always fell
hard and fast. Quicky, he pulled away from Liam, almost spilling the wine.

Liam felt Spike in his arms one minute and then the next it felt like everything changed. "William?"

Spike handed him the wine glass. "I have to go. I have to leave."

"Now?"

"Yeah. We can't.I can't.be with you."

"But I thought."

"I do. God Liam, I do. You don't want me though." Turning around, Spike walked to the front door. He turned around for one last look. "I'm sorry," he whispered and then walked out the door.

As Liam watched him leave, he could feel his heart breaking.

~Part: 15~

It had been three days since Liam had seen Spike. Three days since he had watched the other man walk out of his apartment and out of his life. He barely knew him but that didn't seem to lessen the void that his entire body felt. Glancing over at the clock, Liam decided he would try to work at the studio instead. Maybe there his painting would be able to overpower his thoughts of Spike. 'William' he corrected to himself mentally. 'Although now he'll never be mine.'

Within an hour, Liam had taken a shower and gotten dressed. Picking up his keys and his bag of supplies, he walked out his front door. Just as he shut the door, he could see the elevator closing. "Hold the door," he called out. Rushing quickly to the elevator, Liam put his hands between the two doors causing them to open. It was then that he froze. His warm brown eyes meeting the crystal blue ones that were staring back at him. Spike.

"Spike," Liam stated.

"Angel," he nodded. His tone was void of any emotion. Spike couldn't break eye contact with him. All he had thought of for three days was Angel. He had let his insecurities get the best of him. "Getting in the elevator or would you rather just stand there?"

At Spike's words, Liam pulled out of the daze he was currently in. Without a word, he stepped inside the elevator, listening to the doors click as they shut.

"First floor?" Spike asked.

"Yeah." It was then that Liam's feelings of the last three days came crashing down on him. Out of all of them, he felt anger and sadness the most. Before he could think about what he was doing, Liam reached over and hit the emergency stop button.

Spike looked up at Angel's face. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Stopping the elevator."

"Apparently." Spike hit the button next to it and felt the elevator slowly descending once again.

Angel closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened them, he reached over and hit the emergency stop button again.

Spike turned his body to face Angel. "What the bloody hell?"

"That should be my question to you."

"That so? And why is that?"

"You know why."

"Do I, mate?"

Liam could feel the emotions draining him. "Three days and I haven't heard a word from you," he said softly.

"I don't want to talk about this," Spike said quickly.

"How convenient."

"You don't even know."

Liam could feel himself getting angry. "I'm NOT part of your past. I'm NOT the one that hurt you."

"How did you."

"Know? Not hard. We were fine. Better than fine. I actually felt something. A connection, a spark and then you shut down. You shut down and walked out."

Spike's eyes danced with fire. "You think that was easy, huh? Walking away from you was one of the hardest things that I've ever had to do. I wanted to stay. I wanted to stay and get lost in you, but I couldn't."

"Why? Why couldn't you stay, William?"

"You shouldn't call me that."

"If that was true, you would have never told me your real name."

"There won't be an us, Liam. Trust me, you don't want me."

"I don't want you? You're the only thing I DO want." Liam took a step closer to Spike. "The only thing." Liam turned around and hit the elevator button, feeling it start moving again. He then turned around to Spike, pressing him into the wall of the elevator. He could hear both of their breaths catch in the silence. "Tell me you don't want me right now and I'll walk away. No questions asked."

Spike felt his body pressed between the wall and Liam. To him it felt like heaven. "I can't say that. And since when are you so forward? Thought you were shy, pet."

"No more talking," Liam whispered as he leaned forward pressing his lips to Spike's. The kiss started out innocent. Lips touching, barely grazing against each other. In no time, it turned into something hungry. Liam let Spike take control of the kiss and felt his own body suddenly pinned against the wall. He felt as Spike leaned into him, grinding his hips slightly against his. Tongues fighting for dominance.

Hearing the bell ding and the elevator door open, Spike pulled away. They were both gasping for air. "You don't want me, pet. You think that you do, but you don't." With that, he turned around and stepped off of the elevator.

"I'm not giving up on us, William."

Spike turned around and looked at him. "We'll see," he said sadly before walking off.

~Part: 16~

Liam stood in the middle of his studio staring at the blank canvas in front of him. He thought coming to the studio would help him to get his mind off William. Here he could concentrate on his work. Seeing the other man in the elevator only fueled his wanting of him.

Doyle stepped inside of the studio and glanced at Liam. 'He's lost in his thoughts again.' He knocked softly on the wall, not wanting to scare his best friend.
Liam turned around quickly. Seeing Doyle, he smiled. "Hey."

"Hey yourself. Watcha doing?"

"Painting," he replied and turned back to the empty canvas. "Kind of."

Doyle walked through the studio to stand next to Liam. "At least you're attempting," he told him optimistically.

"Got distracted," he mumbled.

"Something distracted you? Or maybe it was someone?"

"I hate that you always know things," Liam grumbled.

"I know," Doyle smiled. "Come out with me tonight to the club."

"That a question or a statement?"

"What else are you gonna do?"

"I have work."

Doyle looked back at the canvas. "You're accomplishing so much," he said dryly.

"It's...I'm trying to concentrate!"

They were silent for a moment until Doyle spoke up. "Coming with me to the club?"

Angel rolled his eyes. "Yeah."

"Good. I know you keep some clothes here. Go change and we'll get the hell outta here."

~~~*~~~

An hour later, Angel found himself walking inside the front door of the club with Doyle. He really didn't want to be here. It was the same club where he had first seen Spike. "Drinks?"

"I'll get them," Doyle told him. "Find a table."

Angel watched all the people passing by. All of the happy-in-love people. It only depressed him that much more. When Doyle made it to the table, Angel saw his _expression and knew something was going on. He narrowed his eyes. "What did you do?"

"I didn't know. If I knew, I wouldn't have brought you out with me tonight."

"What?"

"Promise me you won't get mad."

"There's no way I'm promising that."

"Spike."

"What do you mean Spike?"

"He's here."

Everything seemed to still around Angel. "Is he with someone?"

"What? No! He's here to perform. To sing."

Angel let out a breath he didn't even realize he was holding. "I don't think I should be here," he mumbled.

"Well, since I can see my death in your eyes, I'll be going elsewhere. Anywhere. So you can leave or brood or...yeah." Before Angel could say anything else, Doyle quickly left.

Just as he stood up to leave, the lights dimmed and Spike walked out onstage. And in that moment, time stopped. He was wearing his trademark leather, his clothes fitting like a second skin. Angel was mesmerized by him. Sitting back down slowly, he picked up his drink, his eyes never leaving Spike's body.

Spike ended up having a short set that night. It was basically just a try out to see how the audience reacted to him. Angel was sure that Spike would have a steady gig. He could see that Spike knew how to play to an audience and he had talent. Now that it was over, he stood up but didn't head for the door.

~~~*~~~

Spike felt really good about himself right now. He had a great try out audition. The owner had just left, telling him he would have a steady gig. Tossing some of his stuff in his bag, he heard a knock on the dressing room door. He just assumed it was the owner again. "Come in," he called out.

Angel stepped inside, seeing Spike's back to him.

"Did you forget to tell me something?"

It dawned on Angel that he thought he was someone else. Probably the manager.

Hearing silence, Spike turned around, blue eyes meeting brown ones. "Angel."

"You used to call me Liam on occasion."

"How did you get in here?"

"The guy blocking the door is one of Doyle's friends. He did me a favor."

"Get out!"

"No."

"Then I'll leave. I was on my way out anyways."

"We've got unfinished business."

"We have nothing. Nothing!"

Angel practically felt the pain going directly to his heart. "I'll just go." He turned around and started to walk off but stopped when he got to the door. "You really are a great performer on stage and everything."

Spike knew he had a chance and this was it. Was he really gonna let him walk out the door and out of his life. "Why did you come here?" he asked quickly but softly.

Angel turned around to face him. "I came to the club with Doyle. I was trying to paint and he thought I needed a night out."

Spike started to shake his head no. "I mean why did you come back here and see me." He could practically hear his voice shaking with hope.

"You know why."

"I told you before you don't want me, pet. I would want you only for mine. I don't share."

Angel started walking towards Spike. "You don't hear me complaining do you?"

"I can get possessive, luv. I fall hard and fast."

"Good," he smiled. By now, he was standing so close to Spike, they were practically touching. "Take a chance on me?" he asked practically pleading.

"And if I fall?"

"I was kinda hoping that we would both fall," Angel whispered to him. He leaned forward, placing a small kiss on Spike's neck. Feeling him lean into the kiss, he kissed him again, this time letting his tongue drift across the skin. As he felt Spike reach out to hold him close, he leaned down to his ear. "I don't share either," he whispered.

Smiling, Spike slid his hands through Angel's hair, pulling him down for a kiss. As their lips met, they could practically feel the emotions that the other one was carrying. Parting his lips, he felt Angel take control of the kiss. It was a kiss of want, of need, and of dominance. He slid his hands down Angel's body, his own body full of desire. Suddenly they heard a loud knock on the door. Spike pulled away. "I should get going."

Angel watched as Spike picked up his bag and headed towards the door. "Yeah."

As Spike walked to the door, he noticed Angel wasn't behind him. He turned around and studied the other man for a moment. "So, we headin' to your flat?"

"What?" Angel asked confused.

Spike walked over to him. "You don't really think I'm walking away from this, do you?"

"I thought..." He was silenced when Spike kissed him hard. He wrapped his arms around him holding him close. When the other man pulled away, he opened his eyes. He knew Spike's eyes reflected his own. "Mine?" he asked.

Spike knew Angel was asking if he was his. "Yours," he told him. Grabbing his hand, he pulled Angel out the door. "Let's go to your flat, luv."

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