Pairings: C/A
Spoilers: Up to Birthday, splits off into AU after that.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Angel's POV on the woman he loves...
Disclaimer: They belong to David Greenwalt, Joss Whedon etc... The song belongs to Michael Bolton (yes, I am a sap.)
Feedback: Love it, need it, crave it... "It's like a Sickness..."
Dedication: To Caroline, my bestest friend in all of ever.
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"Angel? Did you find it?" I turn towards my Seer and find her standing there, just staring at me. It strikes me as odd how I've never seen this look in her eyes before... But I see it now. For a moment, the question dumbfounds me, I wonder what it is she's talking about. Then I remember, she asked me to go find a weapon Wesley was looking for earlier.
My hand strikes out to find the first thing it can grab and I hold it up, "Yeah, here it is."
Her eyebrow raises and her laughter rings throughout the basement, "Wesley's looking for a potted plant, is he?"
Oh, damn. It's one of hers - one she used to brighten up the place, when in reality, she didn't need to. Cordelia could brighten the place all on her own, she didn't need artificial flowers to show me how her sunshine affected my life...
It's beautiful, your honesty
You cry when you need to, say what you feel
You're never afraid to wear your heart on
your sleeve
You're always so open to me
Sometimes, it just hits me. I might be watching her bickering with Gunn, or just sitting at her desk researching - and it'll hit me as forcefully as a vision would her. I love her. Kye-rumption? Moira? Fate? I never thought I'd believe in any of it. But seeing her now, I do. It feels like finally, I've done something right. Telling her I loved her was the scariest thing I'd ever done... I've faced minions and scary hell-hounds galore. Odd how loving someone can make you scared, fearful, terrified - when even the worst atrocities mightn't have as much of an imact on your soul as you thought it would. She is my soul. She's my light, my soul... My heart.
It's in your voice, I can hear
The sound of a woman in love
Only a woman can love you so much
Give you her life and give you her trust
Not any woman, can do what you do
Only a woman, like you
"Are you okay?" She steps down towards me in the basement, wondering probably what Dork Angel's going to do right now. A long time ago, that voice might have been scornful. It just proves to me how much she's changed. She tells me on a daily basis that it's because of me. It's not. It's her, all her. I've watched for almost three years now as she grew from a beautiful young woman, into a fully-fledged champion. Someone who holds my heart, our future in the palm of her hand.
I nod and smile, reaching out to pull her into my arms, amidst half-hearted protests, "Angel, Wesley wants that..."
Her sentence stops as I kiss her and I swear, I can almost hear her heart skip a beat. In my arms is a beautiful, wilful brunette and I don't think I've ever wanted to keep something or someone safe more. I hate it when she hurts, hate it when she looks at me with that light dimming behind her eyes. Hate it when I can't make the pain go away, or couldn't, anyay. She made the pain go away herself, by asking Skip to make her half demon. And now, she's the same Cordelia - or so she says, "I've just got a little demon in me... If I had my way, I'd have a little of your demon in me too..."
And that was it. The moment when my eyes almost popped out of my head, a smile came to my face and I knew. She's always been tactless, but she doesn't do it to hurt any more. Now, her constant wit astounds me, the way she can rib Gunn in one breath, comfort Fred or I in the next. She's... Cordelia.
It's magical your love for me
It's more than a man could ever receive
I'm just a man and it's hard to believe
A woman like you could love me
I still can't believe it. I mean, this is Cordelia. And if I remember rightly, I held high on the "eww" factor. She told me herself one day, when I asked her.
"Cordelia, what do you think of... Well, me?"
"What about you? You're Angel... You're old and... Well, ew..."
"I'm ewww?"
"No, not ewww! I said 'ew' just one 'w' - which means you're okay in a sort of... I'd never like you in that way sort of thing but other than that, you're 'ew'..."
She left then and there I was listening to Gunn and Wesley sniggering on the other side of the door.
"Cordelia says I'm 'ew'..." I said, morosely. They just laughed. Great friends they are.
Now though? She loves me. She'll say it freely. Even just ruffling my hair on the way past, she'll say she loves me and it makes my unbeating heart swell with something that's almost akin to perfect happines. She loves me. My Cordelia... Loves me. It still sounds weird no matter which way I paint it...
It's in your eyes, I can see it
The look of a woman in love
Only a woman can love you so much
Give you her life and give you her trust
Not any woman, can do what you do
Only a woman, like you
She doesn't have to speak, to let me know how she feels. Like now, she's standing here, just looking up at me. We aren't moving - I can't even hear her breathing... We're just standing. In a moment, she'll blush slightly, get that pink tinge to her cheeks and call me a dork. Why? I think because it even overwhelms Cordelia that we've gotten this far... That we've gotten this far together. For a long time, she wouldn't open up to any one... And for a long time, neither would I. We found each other and sometimes, when she says she's feeling really sappy? She'll say we've found ourselves. And then, I turn and grin, 'cause that may just be the nicest thing I've ever heard... In finding each other, we found ourselves... Sounds about right to me, anyway...
If only I could find the words to say
But I just can't so forgive me
Cause you took the words away
And you answered every prayer
I always prayed
She renders me speechless a lot of the time. I've been around for almost 250 years and Cordelia's the only person who can make me shut up in the blink of an eye, weird though it is. Not that I expected anything less - facing the wrath of Cordelia was never, nor would ever be fun but... I never thought I knew all the answers, but I thought I knew at least some. I guess I was wrong.
She reminds me that we can't live here without love, for we'd all go crazy. She reminds me that the acts Angelus committed, simply weren't me. And for the first time in my life, I'm inclined to believe her. I have a son, a woman I love... I know what happened was bad, I make up for it every single day of my life, but finally, I feel like I'm winning.
My redemption... My Shanshu... My light at the end of the tunnel. That's what she represents.
It's in your touch, I can feel it
The feeling of a woman in love
Only a woman can love you so much
Give you her life and give you her trust
Not any woman, can do what you do
Only a woman, like you
"So..." She's blushing now, that pink tinge to her cheeks that I love, "Are we going back upstairs, or are you going to stand there and look at me forever?"
And I smile, because of just how appealing that actually sounds. Go upstairs? Or stand here and look at her forever.
Be honest, which would you choose?
As my lips claim hers, gently, softly... Cordelia smiles. "I guess that'd be the latter then." She whispers.
And there she is, my beautiful, wilful brunette.
End