Email: mail@cbaird82.freeserve.co.uk
Content: Fluff, much fluff... lol
Summary: A silly, stupid piece that was written to get my muse back into play as my computer BROKE last night.
Spoilers: Everything up to WITW and various spoilers after that.
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
Distribution: Anywhere, just ask first.
Notes: My computer BROKE last night. Completely. I managed to get it fixed after what seemed like months and THANKFULLY I backed everything up this time. Hurrah me!
Feedback: Is what makes me write so you BETCHA!
Dedication: To Ando, Sarah and Eeeeeelizabeth who are kind enough to keep badgering me about fics, wonderful enough to collaborate on fics and just the best when it comes to making cute A/C videos - you know who you are. To Tonya my beloved beta-girl. To Queen C, Wic, Mel, Spikedluv and TW for keeping me sane with fic. To Gordon, for being patient when I can't bother my arse to write... And last but certainly not least, this is dedicated to Lisa, my bestest online gaming buddy and chat-fiend... Love you all... Mwah!
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"Angel?!"
Startled, the vampire woke up, rubbing his face. The shout hadn't gone unnoticed by him, not by a long shot - not that he was a light sleeper but...
"ANGEL?!"
"What?" He groused, frowning, checking on Connor as he stepped out of the bed. His son lay asleep in the cot, chest rising and falling gently.
There she stood, his Seer, in the doorway, paper in her hand and ice pressed to her head. Immediately worried, he stepped forward, "What happened? Vision?"
"Yeah. And this."
In silence, she handed him the paper, jabbing her finger pointedly at the advertisement on the page.
Wanted: Muse for good home, general stroking. Other muse left on holiday never returned. Any applicants e-mail mail@cbaird82.freeserve.co.uk or PM Angelicgal82 at the Stranger Things Message Board.
"Look!"
"What's going on?" Asked Angel, puzzled, glancing at Cordelia. "Who's she?"
Cordelia gasped, fighting the urge to slap Angel across the back of his head. "Who's she?! What do you mean, who's she?"
"Well uh... Just that," Said Angel sheepishly, "Who's Angelicgal82?"
"What are you, retarded? It's Christie... Duhh..."
"Who's Christie?"
"And we have duh the sequel. Angel, Christie..." Said Cordelia gesturing emphatically with her hands. "You remember her? She made us have sex when Jonathan thought an augmentation spell on the entire world would be fun..."
Ah, the sex he remembered... "Christie... Christie... Nope. Drawing a blank."
"Ficbitch?"
"Huh?"
"Ficbitch! She uses that name too!"
Angel shrugged, sheepishly, "I don't know, Cordy..."
"She brought Doyle back!" Said Cordelia, frowning, "She was the one who gave us Wesley's not so nice past and never finished it... Angel, THINK damnit..."
God help him, he was thinking. He was really racking his brains to find out who she was. "Cordy, I don't know who she is..."
"Oh Angel, come on, she's killed me more than enough times. You've been going to kill her repeatedly since she started writing fic. She killed Connor... And Wesley at the end of one fic. Think!"
"I am!" He snapped. Christie... Christie... Nope. Still nothing.
"Queen of the Unfinished Fic? Gutter Gal 29? Evil Genius according to Tonya, the other crazy one who keeps stroking her ego?" Said Cordelia, head throbbing now.
"I... Don't... Know..." Growled Angel, "And why do you keep holding your head?"
"Because I had a vision!" Snapped the brunette, "I was sick and you were comforting and ohhh there was sex." She breathed out almost happily, "But then her muse went on holiday and didn't return and now there's no sex!"
"Sex?" Angel looked up, grinning, "There's sex? But... What about my soul?"
"Angel, this is fiction. No rules apply. And the amazing thing? It isn't 1998..."
"Huh?" Asked Angel, scratching his head puzzled. "1998?"
Cordelia sighed, "If you knew who I was talking about, you'd have got that."
"So... There's sex?"
"No!" Said Cordelia, "There's no sex! Because her muse went on holiday and Christie's already HAD meetings with the founders of Horn Dogs United, Sarah and Ando and... Nothing. Then, she logs on tonight and realises her other AOHell buddy is on a camping trip with her wicca group and there's still no sex! We have to do something, Angel!"
"Who's her other buddy?" Asked Angel - ever the detective, thinking that perhaps if he can get at it through this angle, he'll remember Christie.
"Elizabeth." Cordelia replied, more than frustrated. "She makes videos, remember her? She made that one of you and Wesley dancing... Like idiots, may I add."
"Hey, I thought you thought I was cool..."
"I thought Wesley was cool... And can we get back onto the task at hand here?"
"What task?" Asked Angel frowning, "What are we supposed to do?"
"We're detectives... Can't we detect? Or something..."
"Something?" Angel's eyebrows raised lecherously, "You mean..."
"Angel, get your mind OUT of the gutter."
Frowning, the vampire shook his head, "If it weren't for people like La-La, Twi and Spikedluv my mind wouldn't have a home..."
"Oh sure," Said Cordelia, "You remember them. My champion, Ladies and Gentleman, ask him to think of a girl in trouble and he chokes. Ask him to think of someone who writes nice smut-fics and the guys right up there with the Master minds of LA...."
"Hey, I just woke up!" Said Angel, indignantly. "And besides, it might help if this girl didn't have more names than you have shoes."
"I do NOT have that many shoes, Mr-I-Pay-My-Hard-Working-Employees-A-Pittance!" Said Cordelia, watching as Angel pulled on a pair of pants. "What are we going to *do*?"
"Cordelia, without knowing who this girl is, I can't help her. Besides, Connor needs feeding and I..."
"Oh, oh!" Said Cordelia, almost hopping around the room. "She was the one with the bed scenario, remember? When Buffy thought we were having sex and... We were moving the bed and..."
Slowly, Angel shook his head, now more than frustrated. "I don't know!"
Cordelia sighed, "Her best friend is Lisa who likes to rip our hearts out just about as much as she does? She's the other Evil Bitch Queen?"
And still, nothing. Angel scratched his head again, puzzled.
"Dangerous Ground!" She almost screamed at him, "She's writing - or trying to write - Dangerous Ground with Gordon remember? Where dumbass teenager me is falling for your bad evil self?"
"Christie?!" Angel moved quickly - legs tangled in the blankets. He wanted, no needed to know that Cordelia would eventually see sense and stake his bad-evil-leather-pants-wearing self in that story. Of course, legs being tangled in the blankets equalled bad... When he fell, it wasn't graceful, when he heard the laughter from Cordelia, it was even less graceful. And when he stood up, almost falling again in the process, his eyes narrowed. "It wasn't that funny."
"I know," Said Cordelia, between laughs, "It's just amazing how when Christie writes how you look when you fall, it's never as funny as seeing it..." She sniggered, trying to quench the laughter that kept bubbling in her throat.
"Hey!" He frowned, taking the newspaper article from Cordelia, "So, what do we do?"
"Isn't it obvious?"
"Uh, no?" He fairly squeaked.
"It involves you. Naked. Then Christie, happy. All mused up and ready to write fics."
"Naked?! Cordelia... Naked?"
"It's not like I'm asking you to make out with Gunn..."
"Home is Where The Heart Is." Answered Angel immediately, shaking his head. "I also seem to remember getting SPAT on in that fic."
"That was Christie. She gets FULL responsibility. Besides, may I just say ewww? You'd never changed your suit in months."
"I'm not getting naked." Said Angel, shaking his head. "No way, no how, nuh-uh..."
"Not even if Christie promises me and you nakedness later with lots of smoochies and fluffy one-liners designed to make the avid C/Aer go 'awww'?"
"You're crazy." Said Angel, frowning.
"But you love me." She replied, "Now strip."
And Christie, from on high as Ficbitch, Angelicgal82, Evil Genius, Gutter Gal 29 and her many other guises of fic-writing gave a satisfied smile. Because there was nakedness... And then there was fic... Hopefully.
End