~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Cordelia coughed loudly, when she had everyone’s attention she announced. “We’re all glad your alive Angel and we’ll just be going now, before things get too disturbing.”
“Thanks guys,” Angel said. “But you don’t have to leave, Buffy and I shouldn’t…”
Buffy kissed Angel again, intently, pulling back only when she felt him gasping for breath.
“Bye,” Angel managed.
The others, exchanging knowing smirks began filing out of the room.
“Keys?” Buffy requested gesturing to the chains they’d restrained Angel with before they had forced the now absent demon to manifest.
“Oh… yes,” Wesley commented digging through his pockets.
In a much too innocent voice Willow asked. “You’re sure you want them right now?”
“Willow!” Cordelia shrieked, scandalized and shocked that it was the girl she remembered as a shy computer nerd who’d made the suggestion.
“Didn’t say anything about using them right away,” Buffy replied smiling seductively at Angel, who found, to his surprise, that he could blush now.
Wesley tossed Buffy the keys and hurriedly exited.
LaCroix made no move to follow the others out.
“Didn’t you get the hint?” Buffy asked the ancient vampire.
“I would speak to Angelus before things get… too carried away,” LaCroix said.
At that Buffy turned to glare at him. “Let me guess, you want to talk about turning him back right? Forget it, it’s not happening.”
“We shall see,” LaCroix said coldly.
Tension sparkled between them as the staring match lengthened. Then Angel whistled sharply, bring their attention back to him. “I’m right here,” he pointed out.
“Yes and nothing has changed since the last time you were mortal,” LaCroix said. “All the reasons you couldn’t stay like this last time still exist.”
“No,” Buffy argued. “I know what you told Cordy, and you were wrong.”
“I’m not having this conversation while chained to my bed,” Angel said firmly.
As Buffy unlocked his restraints she continued arguing. “Chances are, the thing that kills me is going to be the one I don’t see coming. You’re going to be setting in LA unaware while I’m dying in Sunnydale.”
“Where as if you were human, you’d be dying right along side her. Incapable of doing anything but getting in the way,” LaCroix added sardonically.
Angel started to say something only to be interrupted by Buffy. “You think you’ll be a liability to me in a fight, but how would any other normal person be less of a liability.”
“Yes Angelus, stay out of trouble, let her protect you, forget about your redemption,” LaCroix said.
“You’ve got nothing to make up for,” Buffy insisted.
“I doubt Angelus would agree with that evaluation,” LaCroix shot back.
“Then find a new way to fight,” Buffy argued. “You were only human for a day last time, you didn’t even try. You have two and a half centuries of experience, that’s got to count for something.”
“As a vampire, without that asset all your experience will get you is killed,” LaCroix replied.
“Are you two finished?” Angel asked loudly. “Can I talk? It is my life you’re debating. It’s going to be my choice.”
“Why?” Buffy asked. “You decide what I need. Why can’t I do the same to you? Did I ever tell you I wanted a boyfriend who tanned rather than combusted? Or kids, did you even listen to me when I told you I didn’t care about having children?”
“It’s not the same thing,” Angel said.
“Right, I remember this part,” Buffy snapped. “Cause I’m a swoony school girl who doesn’t know what she wants. “Well this time I think it’s your judgment that’s bad. You hate yourself so much that you can’t accept anything good that happens to you. You have to find someway to ruin it so you can go back to being miserable!”
“And you can’t accept that he will be better off as a true vampire,” LaCroix said. “Angelus there will be no curse, no demon…”
“No,” Buffy interrupted. “You’re lying, you just want him to be like you.”
“I want what’s best for him,” LaCroix replied.
“’Cause your Nicholas was so happy as a vampire?” Buffy asked sarcastically. “He was the one Dr. Lambert was studying right? You thought we wouldn’t figure it out, giving us only a few of the notebooks, tearing out pages. You tried to cover it up, but Willow says she was looking for a way to make a vampire back into a human. If there’s no catch, why didn’t he want to be a vampire anymore.”
An expression of mixed anger and pain flickered across LaCroix’s face, disappearing instantly. He met Angel’s eyes squarely. “I made mistakes with Nicholas,” he said sincerely. “By your lights, I may very well be evil. I have killed before and will again. I feel no pangs of guilt for this. I never did. The vampire does intensify the characteristics which you would object to, but it does not control me, it does not make me evil. I make my choices, not the beast.”
“When I turned Nicholas I tried to reshape him in my image. He was a good person. For a time he lost sight of that. When I found him he’d seen the ugly truths of the Crusades, he’d lost his faith and was willing to accept any guidance. But he couldn’t stop being what he was forever. In time he rejected everything I was including the vampire.”
“He spent centuries torturing himself over what he was and never realized who he was. Nicholas wasn’t evil. That he was a vampire couldn’t change that simple fact.”
“You can’t trust him Angel,” Buffy exclaimed.
“We’ve shared blood, you know what I say is true,” LaCroix said.
“You can’t turn him,” Buffy stated. “I won’t let you. Even if Angel gives you permission, you’ll have to go through me to get to him.”
“Stop it!” Angel exclaimed. To LaCroix he added. “Please leave. I can’t deal with both of you.”
“Will you be able to choose if you delay?” LaCroix asked softly.
“Don’t go into my mind,” Angel requested tiredly.
“I’m only stating what you know to be the truth,” LaCroix answered.
“Just leave.”
As the door shut behind LaCroix Angel turned his attention back to Buffy. “You don’t mean that,” he said.
“Yes I do, Angel I’m so sick of you digging up reasons why we can’t be together. Don’t you love me?” Buffy asked tearfully.
“Buffy I love you, with everything I am, you have to know that,” Angel replied. “I just… I want to do what’s right.”
“You won’t even try to be with me,” Buffy cried.
“I can’t turn my back on what’s out there,” Angel said.
“I didn’t ask you to! Just learn to help as a human,” Buffy argued.
“I tried that last time,” Angel said quietly. “I almost got us both killed. I don’t think I can’t overcome two hundred and forty-eight years of reflex conditioning. LaCroix’s right about that, I’m used to being able to walk away from being shot or run over or impaled. Ask Cordelia about all the injuries she’s patched up for me during the last year. I never even think about it. Wesley and Gunn are a lot more careful when we fight; they have to be. I’m used to healing almost immediately. How long will it take me to get over that? How long will everyone around me have to watch that I don’t do something stupid and get myself killed?”
“Try,” Buffy insisted. “Don’t spend a few hours as a human then go after some demon-super-assassin like nothing’s changed. You’ve dealt with demons that you couldn’t beat in a flat out slugfest before. You can do it again, there’s just a lot more things that fall into that category now.”
“You don’t believe that,” Angel said.
“I want you to stay human,” Buffy said. “I want you to realize you have nothing to make amends for. I want you to come home to me.”
“How can you say that? You know what I’ve…”
“What the demon’s done,” Buffy insisted. “It’s gone, it’s dead, you’re free.”
“It’s not that simple,” Angel said.
“Could you ever have done what it did?” Buffy demanded.
“It is me,” Angel stated flatly.
“No it’s not the demon’s gone. Angel, you’re right here. How can you be the same thing?”
“What I was before, as a human, formed Angelus: my anger, my hurt, my self-centeredness. I didn’t kill for food or power, Buffy I did it for the shear pleasure I got out of inflicting pain. Physical or mental I liked it. Liked it so much even other vampires couldn’t understand why I did the things I did. So it didn’t come from the demon, it had to have come from me.”
“With your soul intact could you have done what the demon did? Could you?”
“It was my…”
“Yes or no Angel, could you have done it?”
“No. After the curse I tried to go back to Darla. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t be that anymore.”
Buffy smiled softly. “I know. Maybe there was some darkness in the person you were before you were turned, but that wasn’t all there was in him, because he became you.”
“It doesn’t matter. I can’t give up what I do here Buffy, no more than you could give up being the Slayer. But I’ll try it as a human and if I can’t help the people in Cordy’s visions this way, I’ll find a way to verify what LaCroix said. I’ll figure out what the catch is before I agree to anything.”
“And then we’ll talk about, okay?” Buffy requested. “You won’t just decide for both of us this time.”
“I can do that,” Angel promised.
“It’ll work out, you’ll see,” Buffy said kissing Angel.
_____________________________________________________________________________
Hearing an argument LaCroix paused.
“It doesn’t matter what the doctors said Wesley,” Cordelia insisted. “Angel’s human now, there won’t be anymore vision. So who cares anyways?”
“Why won’t you tell me what the tests showed?” Wesley asked. “First you said wait until we dealt with Angel’s collapse, now you say it doesn’t matter…”
“Because it doesn’t. Nothing is going to happen to me. No more visions remember?” Cordelia replied.
LaCroix opened the door and joined the pair. “Miss Chase, you didn’t realize your predecessor… Doyle? Continued having vision even when Angelus was human? Your Powers don’t care that he is no longer suited to be their Warrior, they will continue using him until he has died for them. It will certainly happen sooner with Angelus fighting as a mortal, they don’t seem to care. Perhaps his death will end your visions, or maybe they’ll send you another warrior to replace him. Like you replaced Doyle.”
“Cordelia, what did the doctors say?” Wesley asked again.
“They said I get the headaches because when I have a vision the blood vessels in my brain get really narrow and I could end up having a stroke,” Cordelia said.
_____________________________________________________________________________
Giles knocked on Angel’s door then yelled, “Xander called, Buffy you’re needed back in Sunnydale.”
“We’ll be down in a minute,” Angel called back.
“You don’t have to come,” Buffy said as Angel handed her a shirt.
“I want to help,” Angel replied.
Buffy looked uncomfortable. “You were going to get used to being human first, that’s what we agreed.”
“I’m not planning on going solo,” Angel said. “How can I find out what I need to know if I stop fighting demons?”
Fifteen minutes later Buffy and Angel entered the Hyperion’s lobby still arguing. “I’m just saying it’s too soon,” Buffy protested. “And it’s Sunnydale, not exactly your responsibility anyway.”
“Angel we need to talk with you,” Wesley said. “I think it would be best if you let Buffy handle this demon on her own, we have a problem of our own.
_____________________________________________________________________________
Where the Oracles and their domain had followed Greek lines this temple was Egyptian in style as was the cat headed man Angel spoke with.
“The Powers did this to her, they have to fix it,” Angel insisted.
“The visions were not harmful until the dark one interfered with your Seer,” the man-cat replied, sounding unconcerned. “You should have taken better care of her. It is not our responsibility.”
“Then give me the vision, if it were my carelessness that caused this, let me pay the price for it, not her,” Angel argued. “They’re killing her.”
“Your paths are already set. It is not for me to change them.”
With that Angel found himself smashing into the wall opposite the portal’s entrance.
“Is there anyone left on the list?” He asked Wesley as he stood.
“We’ve used every channel I know of,” Wesley said tiredly.
“Then we’ll start at the beginning again,” Angel replied. “Maybe if I keep trying they’ll help just to get me to stop bothering them.”
“No,” Cordelia said. “I don’t think ticking them off is a good idea Angel. We haven’t looked through all of Wes’ books yet and we still have to figure out what we’re going to do the next time I have a vision.”
“We need to get you fixed before your next vision,” Angel argued.
“We don’t know that it will happen the next time and I’ve got medicine to mitigate the danger,” Cordelia replied. “We’ll look into other ways to stop the visions from hurting me, but we have to be ready for the next one as a team.”
“We’ll deal with it when it happens,” Angel said. “Until then this is more important.”
“Look Angel, I’d be happier if you’d go spar with Gunn for a while,” Cordelia insisted.
_____________________________________________________________________________
“You need help killing something?” Gunn asked when he saw Angel.
“Not today,” Angel replied.
“So what is this, a social call?” Gunn asked.
“No it’s… um… Could you…” Angel gave up and stepped into a patch of sunlight.
“That’s new,” Gunn commented. “You’re not catching on fire.”
“Comes with the whole being human package, along with mortal strength, healing and reflexes. I was hoping you could give me some pointers on fighting with demons now that I’m not one.”
“I’m cool with that,” Gunn replied with a shrug.
_____________________________________________________________________________
“Angel, that’s a two handed sword, means you should be using one more hand,” Gunn said, watching the sword waver in Angel’s grip. “Here, try this one, it was meant for what you want to do.”
_____________________________________________________________________________
“Give it up Angel, no one’s fast enough to finish that move before they end up dead,” Gunn said.
“No one mortal,” Angel sighed. “Personally I always liked it.”
_____________________________________________________________________________
“How’d you do that?” Gunn asked looking down at the point of Angel’s sword.
“Not everything is about brute strength, or even inhuman reflexes,” Angel replied with a slight smile. He leaned down to pick up Gunn’s sword and handed it back to him. “Ready to go again?”
_____________________________________________________________________________
“Did you find anything?” Angel asked as soon as Wesley answered the phone.
“There were some possibilities,” Wesley said. “I’m looking into them. How did things go with Gunn?”
“It wasn’t a complete disaster,” Angel replied. “The bruises haven’t faded yet.”
“Give it a couple days,” Wesley suggested.
“That long?” Angel asked. “Is there anything I can do to help with Cordy?”
“If you could, find me a copy of the Traden Diaries,” Wesley requested.
“I haven’t heard of that one, but I’ll check into it,” Angel said.
“Tomorrow we’ll go over everything,” Wesley said. “Tonight you look for the book, I’ve still got to finish translating another of my texts.”
“Tomorrow,” Angel replied hanging up the phone.
“The girl isn’t doing well?” LaCroix asked, stepping out of the shadows.
“No and I don’t know how to help her,” Angel admitted. Then, more suspiciously, he asked, “Is there a reason you’re here?”
LaCroix’s fangs emerged. “Actually there was.”
“Don’t,” Angel protested, understanding the ancient vampire’s intent instantly. “Don’t do this. I don’t want it.”
“You need it,” LaCroix replied. “Your Slayer lives in a fantasy world. Following her wishes will lead you to the grave.”
“My choice, not yours.”
“Sometimes children don’t know what’s best for them,” LaCroix said. “Sometimes it’s a parent’s duty to make the wisest choice for them.”
“The way you tell it, the final choice has to mine,” Angel replied.
“You won’t choose to die,” LaCroix said. “Buffy, your redemption, your friends, you have too much to live for.”
“I won’t be forced,” Angel said. “Don’t put me in a corner, you won’t like the results.”
LaCroix’s eyes faded to blue. “This would have been the easy way out,” he said. “You would have been what you are meant to be and the Slayer couldn’t have blamed you. I’ve always been the villain; I could have lived with your hatred, but you picked the one consequence I won’t risk.”
Angel smiled sadly. “And then I would never know if I could make it as a human. I promised Buffy I’d try; I won’t go back on that. Besides I prefer not to have reason to hate you.”
“And I would rather face your hatred than your death,” LaCroix said softly. “If I try to turn you will choose to die. If I leave you a mortal you’ll get yourself killed and even if you manage to avoid that you will still die, it’s what mortals do. Why must you make this so difficult? How can you be so enamored with death?”
_____________________________________________________________________________
“Miss Chase.”
Cordelia shrieked as she jumped and spun to face LaCroix. “Do you have any idea how much I hate that you don’t need an invitation?” she asked.
“I come offering assistance with your illness,” LaCroix said.
“What do you mean? How?” Cordelia asked.
“I am offering to turn you.”
“Into a vampire? No thanks,” Cordelia said. “I know about vampires.”
“You know that what you call a vampire wouldn’t be you. It would only be a corpse with your face and memories animated by a demon,” LaCroix replied. “I assure you that is only true of the Failed, if I turn you, you will remain Cordelia Chase.”
“You’re only offering ‘cause you think it will help you convince Angel to let you change him,” Cordelia accused.
After a pause LaCroix said, “Do you expect me deny that?”
“Well, kind of,” Cordelia said. “If you’re trying to seduce someone to the dark side telling them they’re just exhibit A isn’t really very convincing.”
“You should find my motives reassuring,” LaCroix replied.
“How so?”
“If what I’ve told Angelus was untrue I’d hardly volunteer to do this,” LaCroix explained. “It would defeat my purpose.”
“Why do you care so much about Angel being a vampire?” Cordelia asked.
“Because the demon was correct; I weary of burying my children,” LaCroix said softly.
“Angel isn’t dying anymore,” Cordelia argued. “And he isn’t really your kid.”
“My blood runs in his veins,” LaCroix said. “That is real and he is dying, just as everything mortal is dying. Each tick of the clock is a step in their inevitable march toward death.”
“Can I think about this?” Cordelia asked.
“Be my guest but if Angelus is killed before you decide, my offer is withdrawn.”
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