~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Doctor Gerim stepped into the waiting room with Cordelia in tow. “Mr. Chase, could I speak with you for a moment?” he asked.
When no one responded he repeated. “Mr. Chase?” in a louder voice.
“Angel!” Cordelia hissed.
Startled Angel looked up from the thick tome of supernatural remedies he’d been reading.
“Come on, the Doctor’s going to show you, how to give me my meds,” Cordelia explained.
“If you’ll both follow me?” the Doctor requested.
As they trailed along several paces behind him Angel whispered. “Why do I have to keep using your last name?”
“Because it’s all over your hospital records okay? I think they’d notice if you changed it now.”
“Why didn’t you just use the last name we put on my ID’s?” Angel asked.
“I’d already told them you were my brother so they’d tell me what was going on,” Cordelia explained.
“You could have been married or we could have had different fathers,” Angel complained.
“I didn’t remember what name you’d used,” Cordelia replied. “If you actually bothered to carry a wallet they wouldn’t have had to ask me.”
They ended their whispered argument abruptly as the doctor led them into a small office.
Once they were seated he set a small box on the desk between them.
“I’ve prescribed a daily medication that should help to prevent the migraines from occurring,” The doctor explained. “But we’re treating symptoms not causes so it won’t be a hundred percent effective. That’s were you come in Angel. Cordelia tells me you two work together as well as being family so you stand a good chance of being with her when one of the episodes occurs. I’m prescribing a second medication, it thins the blood and dilates the veins which should help to restore proper circulation. The sooner Cordelia receives this drug after one of her migraines begins the better her chances of coming through it without damage.”
Angel nodded watching the doctor with an intensity that assured him that Angel was taking this very seriously.
“The medication needs to be administered intravenously and given the effects of the migraines Cordelia won’t be able to do it for herself, so I’m going to teach you to do it. Cordelia, if you have a roommate I’d like to teach her, or him, as well.”
Suddenly Cordelia broke into a fit of giggles. “I’m sorry,” She gasped. “It’s just…”
She looked at Angel and erupted into fresh giggles. As their eyes met Angel knew exactly what she was thinking. He envisioned the doctor’s reaction to Cordelia’s roommate, and then considered the idea of being taught how to locate a blood vein… Of course he was human now. As a vampire he’d frequently been almost painfully aware of the blood rushing just beneath the skin of his mortal friends, now… Suddenly Angel was very nervous. What if he couldn’t do this? What if Cordelia died because he did something wrong?
Dr. Gerim waited patiently for their reactions to run the course. He wasn’t surprised at the odd outbursts. An unexplainable illness was horribly stressful in and of itself for a family. Add to that Angel’s recent injuries, probably the result of being mugged, and given Angel’s unnaturally pale pallor it seemed likely that Cordelia wasn’t the first member of the family to suffer a serious illness. Obviously the siblings were suffering from an awful case of it never rains but it pours.
It was amazing that they were dealing as well as they appeared to be.
“I’ve found the most effective way to teach this is a partner and a saline solution.”
“I’m not volunteering,” Cordelia objected. “You guys have already made enough of a pin-cushion of me. You doctors are practically as bad as the vampires.”
“No worries, one of the nurses will be helping Angel. They’re drawing straws now.”
“Won’t it hurt her?” Angel worried. “Maybe I should practice on a dummy or something first?”
From the door way behind them a woman said, “It’s not that bad, but if you want, you could take me out for coffee afterwards as an apology. I’m Jessica by the way.”
Cordelia took one look at the way Jessica was looking at Angel and groaned. “He’s already got a girlfriend,” she informed the other woman.
_____________________________________________________________________________
“Have you reached a turning point in your life?” LaCroix demanded of the city. “Why do you hesitate? The present is unsatisfactory. Clinging to the past is impossible, time moves forward and so must you. The future beckons yet you resist.”
Angel frowned at the radio, “Why do you listen to that?” he asked Wesley.
Angel’s ban on the program had gone out the window since Wesley had, for all intents and purposes moved into the hotel a few weeks ago. It saved precious minutes for him to sleep closer to the books. Not that he or Angel had had much real sleep since learning that her visions could literally kill Cordelia.
At Cordelia’s insistence Angel was still sparring with Gunn regularly. Still patrolling with him as well, but that was Angel’s secret. Wesley and Cordelia would have supported his choice, but the news had to be kept from both Sunnydale and LaCroix, which meant the fewer people that knew the better.
Wesley glanced up from the book he was studying with a confused look on his face.
“I just asked why you like listening to LaCroix’s ranting,” Angel reiterated.
Wesley smiled. “Because they frequently provide insight into what you’re thinking.”
Angel made a face. “Not tonight,” he said.
“Perhaps not,” Wesley replied. “I think your new-found mortality is creating difficulties for him.”
Angel’s eyes glinted with a sudden spark of mischief. “It would be awful of me to rub that in wouldn’t it?” he asked, reaching for the phone.
LaCroix’s greeting echoed from the phone to the radio. “This is the Nightcrawler, do you have something to share with our audience?”
“I just thought you seemed a little off tonight,” Angel said. “I was worried.”
“Your concern is touching, Mon Fils,” LaCroix replied with an unusual good-humor. “But I’m not always speaking to you.”
“Oh,” Angel said and Wesley almost laughed at the hurt expression on his face.
“Tonight I speak of internal constraints against progress, uncertainty, doubt, fear of the unknown and the future is always unknown is it not. I do not speak of external constraints, such as those imposed on us by others.”
“Are you sure it’s her that’s the external constraint and not yourself?” Angel asked.
“I know your heart Mon Fils. Light is only an illusion, it is redemption you crave,” LaCroix answered.
“Why can’t I have both?” Angel asked.
“You already know why,” LaCroix said. “But we could always speak of that at more length later. I await your invitation.”
“Not right now,” Angel said hanging up.
“You miss him,” Wesley accused.
“Why would I miss having the most dangerous person I’ve met in centuries trying to control my life?” Angel asked. “Besides, I know he’s just being more subtle in how he manipulates me lately.”
“You really do miss him,” Wesley insisted as they returned to their respective books.
_____________________________________________________________________________
“I was listening to that!” Cordelia complained when Dennis turned off the radio.
Instead of meekly turning it back on her ghostly roommate opened the door to her bedroom and turned down the covers invitingly.
“Not you too,” Cordelia groaned. “These are visions people! It doesn’t matter if I’m well rested or not!”
Not that Angel or Wesley cared a fig for logic. Oh no, she was sick, she had to go home and rest. Well after Angel had made sure Dennis could treat her if she did have a vision.
Cordelia grinned evilly at the memory of Angel teaching Dennis to give shots. She saw the painful bruises he’d received in the process as his just disserts for treating her like an invalid.
“Turn the radio back on Dennis or I’ll just get up and do it myself,” Cordelia threatened.
Contritely the radio clicked on, just in time for Cordelia to catch LaCroix and Angel’s conversation.
Cordelia sighed. She had a feeling she knew who LaCroix was talking to tonight. But making the choice wasn’t as easy as he made it sound.
The best-case scenario was she would be Cordelia Chase only she’d be a vampire too. On the plus side vampiric healing meant no worries about a stroke, assuming that it would even be a concern with a dramatically reduced metabolism. Her problems stemmed from decreased blood flow to her brain, but Angel had been able to survive no blood flow at all with no worse side effects than dizziness for hours. She’d also have strength and speed to rival a Slayer’s, not to mention being able to fly and to talk anyone into anything. Then there was the whole immortality thing, which looked great in theory, but did she really want to live forever? The downside included no sunlight, ever, which would put an end to her aspirations as an actress. How could she explain no natural lighting to a director? It would also severely limit her diet. During the months after LaCroix first donated blood to Angel they’d all noticed his sudden inability to stomach anything other than blood… and the whole drinking blood at all was a major eeew in Cordelia’s book. Although she probably wouldn’t feel that way after the change and that was a terror too.
That was the best that could happen, the worst included the possibility of her friends being forced to stake her demon-infested corpse.
And still LaCroix made it sound like the only possible solution to even be considered. Like she should be honored that he’d even offered.
_____________________________________________________________________________
“I can’t remember!” Cordelia sobbed as soon as the phone was answered.
“Cordy, what’s wrong,” Angel demanded, his voice filled with concern.
“I don’t know, there’s someone out there who needs us but I don’t know where or who or why. I can’t remember the vision at all Angel. I had a vision and it’s gone and we’re not going to be able to help them because I can’t remember.”
“You had a vision? Are you all right? Did Dennis remember to give you your shot? Should I contact the Doctor?” Angel asked, rapid fire, his worry for Cordelia overwhelming all else.
“I’m fine Angel!” Cordelia snapped. “But I can’t remember the fucking vision!”
Angel paused for a moment. “It’s okay, as long as you’re okay.”
“It is not okay Angel!” Cordelia yelled. “Someone is out there, dying maybe, because I can’t remember. That is not okay and you know it. That’s why you aren’t living happily ever after with Buffy isn’t it? Because it’s not okay for us not to be there when people need us.”
“It’s not your fault,” Angel replied. “I’ll go to the new oracle. I’ll make him tell me what the vision was. Don’t worry Cordy, I’ll make it all right.”
_____________________________________________________________________________
“What if Angel’s too late?” Cordelia asked. “Maybe you should have gone with him. What if he needs back up and he doesn’t have time to come back here?”
“If I’d gone with Angel he’d be too distracted worrying about you to accomplish anything,” Wesley said. “I’m certain he’ll call Gunn if he needs help, he’s been quite good about observing his limits since the last hospital visit.”
“What if he doesn’t have time? You know he’ll go. Angel could get hurt; I never should have taken that stuff. It’s why I can’t remember.”
“Cordelia stop it!” Wesley exclaimed.
Cordelia took several deep, calming breaths. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I just feel so helpless. Like I’m failing everyone. Doyle trusted me with the visions and I’m not strong enough. It’s so hard, feeling their pain, their fear, but I deal because by feeling it I can make it better. Now I can’t do anything and I hate it Wesley.”
_____________________________________________________________________________
Cordelia pounced on Angel the moment he walked through the door. “Well?” she demanded.
“A cult practicing human sacrifices,” Angel reported. “All I had to do was tell the police where and when.”
Cordelia sighed in relief.
“It all worked out fine,” Angel said. “You didn’t have to worry. Things may be a little awkward until we find a way to make the visions safe for you, but we’ll manage.”
“Right,” Cordelia said with a smile. “We always do.”
“Of course we do. Now I’ll give you a ride back home and you can get back to resting, okay?” Angel replied.
Cordelia made a face, but it was two in the morning. Bed didn’t sound that bad really, even if Angel was being over-protective again.
_____________________________________________________________________________
Several hours after dawn, Angel returned to the Hyperion in a foul mood. He stormed downstairs and proceeded to pummel his punching bag.
When Angel failed to reappear after what Wesley considered a reasonable amount of time the ex-watcher decided to check on him.
Angel was still pounding on the canvas bad with a frustrated fury.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Wesley asked.
“Do you think I could force one of the Conduits to the PTB to fix Cordelia,” Angel asked. “I could torture one.”
“I wouldn’t advise it,” Wesley said. “Things weren’t resolved as simply as you led Cordelia to believe were they?”
“Things weren’t resolved,” Angel snapped. “They didn’t know what Cordy had seen. ‘Each Seer receives different glimpses of what will be,’ can’t tell what yours might have seen. They’re all useless! They won’t help Cordelia. They can’t help me. Do they even care about anything?”
“Why did you lie to Cordy?” Wesley asked.
Angel turned away from the punching bag to face Wesley. “Do you know what the fastest way to break someone is? You do it for no reason. You’d be completely awed by what a human can tolerate for the sake of a cause, but take away their causes and they break like twigs. I won’t do that to Cordy. I won’t let her know her suffering was for nothing!”
_____________________________________________________________________________
“It is your fears that hold you back,” LaCroix declared in his Nightcrawler persona. “Share them with me. Let them be revealed for the harmless shadows they undoubtedly are. The future will not wait forever, step into it before it’s moment is past and you are left with nothing but your fears.”
_____________________________________________________________________________
“Vision,” Cordelia shouted.
Angel leapt to catch her as Wesley hurried to prepare her medications.
“Wait,” Cordelia protested. “Not until I’ve told you.”
Then the vision took her completely. Angel laid her on the couch and began to sterilize her arm in preparation for her shot.
“Shouldn’t we wait?” Wesley asked.
Angel’s eyes were hard as he took the hypodermic from Wesley. “If the Powers want my help then they can find a way to deliver their messages that doesn’t endanger Cordelia he said administering the shot.
They watched the lines of pain smooth out of Cordelia’s face.
“Cordy?” Angel asked. When she didn’t respond he repeated her name in a louder voice.
“Cordelia?” Wesley echoed.
“She’s not coming out of it,” Angel said.
“We need to get her to the hospital,” Wesley said.
Angel scooped Cordelia up. “You’re driving,” he said.
_____________________________________________________________________________
“Miss Chase is going to be fine,” The doctor said. “You did everything right and minimized the damage. She woke up a few minutes after we started the exam.”
“Can we see her?” Wesley asked.
“Yes, go right ahead,” the Doctor said. “But you can’t stay long, she should rest.”
“Thank you,” Angel said.
Together they entered Cordelia’s room.
“How are you doing?” Angel asked.
“You gave it to me,” Cordelia accused. “The vision’s gone again.”
“It doesn’t matter,” Wesley replied.
“How many times do I have to explain to you two?” Cordelia exclaimed.
“I’ll take care of it Cordy,” Angel said. “Just like last time, no worries remember?”
“Well get a move on it.” Cordelia said making shooing motions. “Time's wasting.”
_____________________________________________________________________________
“Angel what are you doing?” Wesley asked in alarm as he watched Angel prepare for war.
Wesley had seen this ritual before, had watched Angel methodically empty his weapons cache, check each instrument of destruction before strapping it to himself. Angel would never use more than one or two of the things, but he’d carry many more and every one of those weapons would come to his hand at a moment’s notice. Angel would never humiliate himself hoping around a battle trying to free a knife he’d taped to his ankle, not even now when Angel was as human as Wesley himself was.
Wesley watched Angel pick up his ax, spin it awkwardly then exchange it for a lighter one. Gunn’s training was showing. Angel had systematically shifted to lighter weapons that a human would wield with the same speed and grace he’d once had with they’re much heavier cousins.
Wesley had seen the ritual before and it always meant trouble. When Angel over-prepared it was always personal.
“What are you doing?” Wesley repeated.
“I don’t care if torturing the new oracle is a bad idea,” Angel said. “I’m going to make him fix Cordelia.”
“Please Angel,” Wesley asked. “Be reasonable.”
“I can’t stand by and watch her suffer,” Angel growled.
“I know. I feel the same way. Still torturing a representative of the Powers that Be?” Wesley asked.
“I don’t have a choice.”
_____________________________________________________________________________
Cordelia looked around, everything was quiet in her corner of the hospital. She lifted the phone and dialed LaCroix’s radio station.
“The Nightcrawler is listening,” LaCroix answered.
“I made a choice,” Cordelia said.
“We’re off the air,” LaCroix said.
“I want you to turn me,” Cordelia said.
“What brought about this?” LaCroix asked.
“I won’t be helpless, I won’t fail and I don’t want to die either,” Cordelia replied.
“A reasonable attitude, I only hope Angelus will prove as pragmatic,” LaCroix said. “Where are you?”
“At St. Francis’, room 315,” Cordelia said.
_____________________________________________________________________________
As soon as Angel stepped into the Egyptian temple the cat-headed being said. “The crossroads have been left behind. There is nothing left for you to do.”
“What do you mean?” Angel demanded.
“The visions can no longer harm your Seer. She has seen to that.”
“How?” Angel asked.
“That is for her to say. Now be gone.” With a flick of it’s wrist the creature sent Angel flying back through the portal.
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