~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
“Anya, you miss Joyce right?” Willow asked.
Anya frowned. “Why are you asking me that? Do you think that? Do you think that just because I haven’t always been human I wouldn’t miss her?”
“No!” Willow exclaimed. “I wanted to ask you to help me get her back.”
“Didn’t we just go through this with Dawn?” Anya demanded. “Raising the dead is bad, don’t do it.”
“I want everything to be okay for Buffy and Dawn again, and I’m not going to raise the dead either,” Willow said.
“So what are you going to do and what do you want me to do?” Anya asked suspiciously.
“Do you remember that spell you did? Back in high school? When we brought the vampire me from the other dimension? I was just thinking, couldn’t we find a dimension where Joyce didn’t die and bring that Joyce here?”
“Remember how well it went the last time you experimented with magic?” Anya asked.
“Don’t you want to get Joyce back?” Willow asked. “And we’re not experimenting with a new spell, this is an old, tested spell.”
“That didn’t work last time,” Anya pointed out.
“No, not the way you intended it too,” Willow admitted. “But it did what we wanted for this time.”
“You want a vampire Joyce?”
“Not exactly. Come on Anya, please help me.”
“We’d get Joyce back? She wouldn’t be dead anymore?” Anya asked uncertainly. “I don’t like how her being dead makes me feel.”
_____________________________________________________________________________
“Nibblet,” Spike greeted Dawn as he entered the Summers' kitchen.
“Spike,” Dawn hissed. She stood behind the mostly closed kitchen door peeking through the crack.
“Spying on your sister, that isn’t nice,” Spike whispered, joining Dawn at the door.
As he saw the tall, blond man talking with Buffy in the other room Spike’s eyes narrowed with agitation but when he opened his mouth to comment, Dawn slapped her hand over it.
“Shh,” she reiterated, “I want to hear this.”
“I want to try again Riley,” Buffy was saying. “Before I had a lot of unresolved issues with Angel but he’s in the past now. Really in the past. I think I’m ready to give my heart to someone else now.”
“You mean that?” Riley asked.
“I swear. I’m all over the whole Romeo and Juliet phase. I mean look at how it ended. I’ll pass on that,” Buffy said. “I’m the Slayer, specifically the Vampire Slayer, dating vampires, even a nice one, just doesn’t work for me. I’ve made a new rule. I only date in my own species now.”
“Buffy… I don’t know what to say,” Riley replied. “This is like a dream come true.”
“Oh please, I’m about to heave,” Spike whispered to Dawn. “Can this get anymore disgusting?”
“You missed the whole part where he confessed to letting vampires drink him and Buffy forgave him,” Dawn said. “That was truly barf-worthy.”
_____________________________________________________________________________
Willow and Anya were at the Magic Box. They’d cleared a space at the table among Giles’s mystical tomes, Dawn’s schoolbooks and a sketchbook Cole had forgotten after his last visit.
The set up had gone perfectly. No one had even sneezed during the chanting. All that was left to do was pour the magic sand over Joyce’s picture and they’d have her back.
Willow couldn’t believe how smoothly everything had gone. As she and Anya lifted the jar of sand together the bell over the shop door chimed and Giles called out. “Hallo? Is someone here?”
In unison the two girls started guiltily and the sand scattered across the table.
“Just us, we’re not doing anything,” Willow exclaimed.
“Willow? Anya?” Giles asked with a frown.
“We’re not up to anything, nope, not us,” Willow stammered responding to Giles’ expression.
“Thank you Willow, now I’m certain you’ve done something truly frightening,” Giles replied removing his glasses.
_____________________________________________________________________________
Somewhere else…
Xander, a younger Xander with shorter hair, was talking intently with a tall woman; her long dark hair was drawn back in an elaborate plate.
“Don’t do this,” Xander pled. “I’m sorry.”
“Xander, it’s not working between us. We can’t have a normal relationship,” the woman said sadly.
“So we can’t have sex. It doesn’t matter. I love you,” Xander protested.
“That’s part of a normal relationship. So are having children and growing old together. You can’t do those things with me.”
“I don’t care!”
“Then why did you sleep with Faith!” the girl’s voice rose in a mixture of hurt, anger and helplessness.
“It was a mistake!”
“It was inevitable.” She sounded tired now, defeated.
“So you’re breaking up with me?”
“I am.”
Xander slumped onto the couch burying his face in his hands. “How can I make you change your mind?” he begged.
Only silence answered him. He looked up to find the room empty. “Angel!” he yelled.
_____________________________________________________________________________
“What were you doing?” Giles asked.
“Doing?” Willow replied, widening her eyes innocently.
Anya’s eyes widened as well, but in surprise rather than fained innocence as an attractive woman with dark hair and eyes appeared behind Giles. “You’re not Joyce,” Anya exclaimed.
“I’d have to agree with that,” the woman said looking around herself in confusion. “Giles, Willow, what’s going on? I was just at the mansion. How did I get here? Where is here?”
“You know us?” Giles asked turning to stare at the woman.
“Of course, you’re Rupert Giles, Buffy’s watcher. She’s Willow, Xander’s best friend. I’ve know you for almost three years.”
“And you are?” Giles asked.
“I’m Angel.”
“No, I’ve met Angel,” Anya argued. “He was larger and, well, male.”
“I really believe that the two of you need to explain exactly what you were doing,” Giles demanded turning back to Willow and Anya.
_____________________________________________________________________________
“Buffy, maybe you’re able to over look Captain Cardboard here getting his rocks off by letting some two-bit vampire hooker suck him,” Spike said walking into the living room, ignoring the horrified looks on both Buffy and Dawn’s faces. “But did you know he was gong to bollux up the spell to get Angel back from Hell?”
Neither Spike nor Riley missed the look of pain that crossed Buffy’s face at the mention of Angel’s name.
“He couldn’t even do that right,” Spike added under his breath.
“I thought about it,” Riley admitted. “I was jealous. I could see how you looked at Angel, it made me crazy, but I didn’t do anything. And Spike’s the one that suggested messing with the spell in the first place.”
“Right… you didn’t do anything, the spell going wrong was just a stupid mistake, and Angel healed anyway and… Spike!? You suggested?!”
“Now pet, I was right there with you, fighting to get Angel back. You know that,” Spike protested. “You know what I’ve given up to protect the people you love.”
An unhappy smile twisted Buffy’s face. “I owe you forever for saving Dawn,” she said. “But I know you too, and Angel’s not Dawn.”
Spike shrugged. “Love and war pet, love and war.”
“Spike, just don’t,” Buffy sighed. “I like you. You’re almost one of my friends, but it’s never going to be like that between us. You know why.”
“Because I’m not human,” Spike said staring critically at Riley. “Well, solider-boy here meets your minimum criteria, can’t say much else in his favor though.”
Dawn poked her head in. “Buffy, Xander just called, research party at the Magic Box.”
_____________________________________________________________________________
“Xander, I specifically told you NOT to tell Buffy,” Giles said. “This is hardly world in peril and she doesn’t need to trouble herself.”
“Ooops,” Xander replied looking guilty as the bell over the door chimed, announcing the arrival of Buffy, Dawn, Spike and Riley.
“Who are you?” Buffy asked, immediately zeroing in on the unfamiliar face.
“Angel, just not this dimension’s Angel,” she replied.
“Riley,” Xander said. “You’re back?”
“Yeah, Buffy and I worked things out.”
“That’s nice,” Xander said somewhat unenthusiastically.
“So why are you here?” Buffy asked Angel.
The girl shrugged and Willow shame-facedly raised her hand. Then noticing Anya wasn’t following suit, took her hand and raised it as well. “We were trying and spell and well…” the red head explained.
“Okay, so what are we researching?” Buffy asked.
“How to send her back to her own dimension,” Giles replied. “It’s more difficult than sending the vampire Willow back because we don’t know exactly where she came from.”
Spike looked over Angel appreciatively. “So you’re what the Poof would look like as a girl. Gotta say, it’s an improvement.”
“Keep your eyes to yourself William,” Angel replied tartly. “I’ve had quite enough of your romantic attentions at home.”
“There’s a Spike in you dimension too?” Willow asked. “When you’d never heard of Drucilla we just assumed that meant no Spike either.”
“I turned William,” Angel admitted. “What can I say, he was cute. How was I supposed to know he’d end up going psycho-boyfriend on me? Just for your information Spike, torture is not the way to a woman’s heart.”
_____________________________________________________________________________
Somewhere else…
Angel tried to pull herself deeper into the few remaining shadows in Willie’s liquor cage.
The sun’s over-powering presence left her weak and disoriented. Distantly she felt someone grab her by the ankle and drag her across the floor before dumping her through a trap door into the tunnels.
She lay there, too weak to move, but soothed by the cool darkness. Then another, a familiar presence, picked her up and slung her over his shoulder.
“So what are you going to do with her?” a voice asked.
“Maybe dinner and a movie,” the familiar voice of her former paramour answered cheekily. “I think I should take things slow, I’ve been hurt before.”
Feebly Angel tried to struggle against him and a second later she landed with a splash in the cool water, a knee pressed to her chest kept her pinned.
“You don’t want to fight me luv,” Spike said. “It might make me think you were ungrateful about my rescuing you.”
With that he picked her up again and resumed his trek through Sunnydale’s underground.
Angel faded in and out of consciousness as the journey progressed. She didn’t recover full awareness until she found herself frantically draining the bag of blood Spike was holding to her mouth.
“You’re lucky some of the boys like take out,” Spike told her, gently stroking her cheek. “Now that I have you. We need to talk. Angelica love, you’ve been avoiding me. A guy might think you didn’t care for me anymore, but we both know that’s impossible. You made me to love you forever pet.”
“I’m sorry Will,” Angel said. “But things change, I changed. I’m not your Angelica anymore. I’m sorry I turned you into a monster. I’m sorry you’re still obsessed with your sire, but she doesn’t exist anymore.”
“Funny, I thought I was looking at her,” Spike said, his voice cold and angry. “Maybe I need to dig a bit, but don’t tell me my Sire is gone, I can feel her presence in you… Or maybe I should just find that child you’ve been tramping around with, maybe you’ll remember what we had after I present you with his entrails.”
A rush of adrenalin and anger gave Angel the strength to rise to her feet. She kicked Spike across the room and began searching for a stake.
A second later Spike knocked her to the ground and pinned her there. “You’d kill me for that boy,” he said in hurt disbelief. “You love him, not me.”
Spike took a railroad spike from his coat, flipped Angel onto her back and drove it through her shoulder and into the floor. Angel screamed.
“You used to love it when I made you scream,” Spike whispered leaning closer to her. “Don’t you remember that? Don’t tell me you regret making me. You loved me. Tell me you remember that. Tell me how you want me. How you couldn’t even wait to turn me so we spent a whole night and day fucking before you even drank me. Tell me how you defied Luck and the Master to be faithful to me. You can’t tell me love like that just goes away because you grew a soddin’ conscious!”
“Lust isn’t love William,” Angel replied. “Obsession isn’t love. What we had, what we were capable of, that’s not love.”
Spike yanked the railroad spike from Angel’s shoulder then rammed it through her stomach and stepped back to watch her write like an insect on a pin. “Try again pet,” he instructed when her screams died down to pained whimpers.
_____________________________________________________________________________
“I guess you didn’t loose your soul from sleeping with Buffy,” Xander commented, then glanced at Willow and Tara. “Unless… were the two of you a couple?”
“No we weren’t together,” Angel replied ducking her head in embarrassment. “You were the one.”
Willow and Buffy both looked from Angel to Xander then burst out laughing.
“What!” Anya exclaimed.
“It’s nothing,” Willow said. “So Xander, you’re old dislike of Angel, that was all because you didn’t trust vampires right? It had absolutely nothing to do with being jealous over Buffy, that’s what you always claimed wasn’t it?”
“That’s not funny Wills,” Xander said.
“Wait a minute,” Buffy said suddenly. “If Xander’s dating Angel, who was I dating? It sounds like I got the short end of the stick.”
“There’s still me,” Riley objected.
“That’s probably what she meant,” Spike replied. “Ow… Slayer, you’d no reason to do that!”
“I thought I did,” Buffy said. “Still who’d I date in high school? I didn’t meet Riley till college.”
Angel stared miserably at the table. “You were passionately in love with Shawn.”
“Were?” Buffy asked as Willow asked. “Shawn?”
“Shawn, my nephew plus a number of generations, he was killed by a vampire last year,” Angel said.
_____________________________________________________________________________
Somewhere else…
“We’re family,” Shawn said. “You can’t do this.”
“Why not, I killed my parents, my brother, his wife, all of his children that I could find. I enjoyed it.” Angelica said, smiling evilly. “I followed my brother across the Atlantic strictly for the joy of killing him. You wouldn’t believe how strongly you resemble him. I could almost pretend I’m killing him all over again.”
_____________________________________________________________________________
“Oh,” Buffy said feeling saddened by the loss of a person she’d never even met. “Wait a minute, Angel… our Angel killed his family.”
“I did,” Angel said softly. “My brother left home before I was turned. It took me years to find him. By then he had a grown son. The boy was fighting under Marion in the Revolution. My Sire was already bored with my desire to destroy my human family. He wouldn’t grant me permission to chase after the Colonist’s most elusive general. I told myself war is a deadly game and the boy wouldn’t most likely die without my help, so I forgot him. At least until I saw Shawn, he was my brother reincarnated in appearance if not in temperament. I’d give anything to take back that night.”
“It makes sense I guess,” Willow said, awkwardly trying to redirect the conversation away from an obviously painful subject. “Our Angel was a guy and he had a sister, you’re a girl so you had a brother, it’s balanced that way.”
“I have a question,” Xander said. “In your dimension I never blackmailed Amy into casting a love spell on anyone did I?”
“No, but Spike threatened Willow into trying to do one on me a few months ago. The last time I saw him he was getting out of town before Jenny, Buffy and Willow finished planning out how they were going to torture him. Giles and Oz wanted to help, but since they hadn’t actually slept with him the girls felt they had the greater claim. I wouldn’t want to cross Jenny, she had some highly creative ideas on how make him suffer, probably her heritage showing.”
“Funny,” Xander said. “When I did it the axes came during the spell, not afterwards.”
“I’m certain your sense of honor prevented you from trying to sleep with every woman who offered while under the effect of the spell,” Angel said with a smile at Xander.
“Xander is my boyfriend,” Anya announced glaring at the new comer.
Xander wrapped an arm around Anya’s shoulders and kissed her reassuringly on the cheek. “You know I love you and I’d never hurt you,” Xander whispered softly.
Angel glanced away from the couple looking uncomfortable and unhappy.
“Are you alright?” Buffy asked.
Angel forced a small smile. “I had just finished breaking up with my Xander. I said he’d be happier in a normal relationship, this proves I’m right. It doesn’t mean I ever wanted to see it. I was going to leave Sunnydale in a few days. I tell myself it’s because it’ll be easier for him to move on if I’m gone, but I also think it would kill me to see him with someone else.”
_____________________________________________________________________________
“So what do you think of her?” Dawn asked her sister, glancing up to the balcony where Giles and the girl Angel were discussing the merits of a particular spell.
“She talks more than Angel, does less of the stoic brooding thing, maybe because she’s not a guy.” Buffy commented. “I wanted to ask if she got sent to Hell or if they managed to restore her soul before she finished the ritual, but how do you ask someone if the love of her life sent her to Hell on the end of his sword. If Xander did, I wanted to ask how she felt about it. I never had the nerve to ask Angel.”
“Riley’s staring at us,” Dawn said.
“I’d better go stroke his ego,” Buffy sighed. “God, did I just think that? What’s wrong with me?”
“This should work,” Giles announced climbing back down to the store proper. “All we need is Angel, this dimensions Angel I mean.”
_____________________________________________________________________________
“So,” Spike said slumping beside Angel. “You were the one I raised hell with for a century in your world.”
“Actually only about three decades,” she replied. “After the curse there wasn’t much hell raising.”
“So you actually stuck around after becoming all soul having?” Spike asked.
“Being a vampire was all I knew, and you loved me. You took care of me care of me when all I wanted to do was die,” Angel said.
“So what happened?” Spike asked.
Angel looked Spike over tiredly. “You were you, I wasn’t me. I couldn’t stomach the killing, you lived for it.”
“Did you ever ask me to give it up?” Spike asked.
“You’re a vampire Spike, no soul, remember?” Angel said. “You‘d never willingly give up killing.”
“You think this bunch would have me wandering around if I were still snacking on population?” Spike asked. “You could have asked. If your William is really me, he could have given up killing if it meant keeping the person he loved.”
“I said willingly,” Angel replied. “I asked Giles about you, the only reason you don’t kill is because you can’t.”
_____________________________________________________________________________
Angel and Cordy arrived from LA a few hours later.
The instant he stepped through the door both Angels’ eyes were riveted on the other.
“Liam?” the girl asked tentatively. “How is this possible? I killed you.”
“I could say the same Kath,” he replied, looking shell-shocked.
“You’re supposed to be the same person, how can you know each other?” Anya asked.
“T…They’re not,” Tara stammered. “D… Do you realize what this means?”
“That Xander didn’t fall in love with Angel?” Willow replied.
“The spell won’t work. We need her c…counter part from this dimension. A…Angel is a different person,” Tara explained.
“She’s right,” Giles said the difference between the dimensions was which sibling became a vampire.”
“Not just that,” Angel said. “Kathy was only twelve when I was turned.”
“You left that year,” Kathleen said. “Father kept saying you’d come home in a few days, that you’d have to. But you didn’t. I thought you’d eventually come home because you promised. After eight years I got tired of waiting. I knew you planned to go after Anna so I tried to do the same. I made to London, that’s where I met Luke. He was the one who turned me.”
At Anna’s name Buffy shifted closer to Riley and took his hand.
_____________________________________________________________________________
“Angel married Anna in your dimension?” Buffy asked Kathleen as soon as she got the other girl alone.
“Liam did,” Kathleen replied. “I was the one that changed her name to Angel in my world.”
“Yeah, but they were deeply in love and all that. That’s why he went after her right?” Buffy asked.
Kathleen sighed. “I don’t know about your Liam, but mine went to prove a point. Anna only left because he slept with someone else. I always loved my brother, but I wasn’t blind. I liked Anna because she was the only girl he flirted with, the only girl he slept with to be frank, who cared about him at all. He liked that she loved him, but he didn’t love her back, not when he left anyway.”
“So why’d he go after her?” Buffy asked in a strangled voice, remembering Anna had specifically said that Angel had never betrayed * Buffy *.
“Because our father implied that there was no way a girl who actually knew Li would marry him. I guess that just proved how little Father knew Li. By the time I caught up with Liam he’d been away from Father for better than twenty years. Somewhere along the line he’d learned to stop hating himself. He’d changed so much I hardly recognized him. Your Angel grew up differently from my Liam; they aren’t the same person. Maybe they started out the same but they followed different paths.”
_____________________________________________________________________________
“Hey Buffster, you look like you’re thinking deep thoughts,” Xander said.
“Several,” Buffy replied.
“Wanna share?”
“Okay, I was thinking about the stuff Kathleen said. First I was thinking me in love with a human Angel. When I think about it I can almost remember how it felt to rest my head against his chest and hear a heartbeat.”
“Then I realized that I wasn’t with Angel as a human in Kathleen’s world. I was with Shawn, and even if there was a family resemblance he wouldn’t have been Angel anymore that Cole is Angel.”
“And I think, wow, I was passionately in love with someone who wasn’t Angel, so why am I trying to get back together with Riley? I mean sure Riley’s nice and dependable… mostly… and available and he loves me, but I’m not passionately in love with him, he’s just comfortable.”
“Maybe Spike’s right, maybe Riley would be settling. Then I think, wait my wonderful, human, boyfriend died and suddenly dating Spike actually looks good. At least I can count on him to stay alive.”
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