Summary: Xander's less than happy about some of the changes in Sunnydale.
Disclaim: Premise and characters borrowed from "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and "Angel".
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"*I* may be love's bitch, but at least *I'm* man enough to admit it." - Spike, "Lover's Walk"
Angel looked around the little basement room without comprehension; the last thing he remembered was the apartment where Kelly's tormentor had lived.
Swiftly he rose to his feet and moved aside the wooden slates that acted as bars for the make shift cell. Angel felt insubstantial arms wrap around his waist, "Glad you're back," her voice whispered in his ear. He felt her lips brush across his cheek and then she was gone.
Angel smiled softly. "Don't stay away long, Buffy," he said quietly then started up the stairs.
As he approached the kitchen, Angel noticed the smell of food cooking with a confused frown.
"This kitchen is totally inadequate," a woman's voice complained.
"We'll go shopping, Anya," Xander promised.
"We could use some other things as well," Anya announced as Angel came in. "Oh hello, are you in there today?" she asked him.
"Hello," Angel replied.
"You seem much less catatonic this morning," Anya said. "Good for you."
Angel blinked at the strange woman. "Thanks, I guess."
"Angel!" Xander exclaimed, relief apparent in his voice.
"Hi," Angel said, a little embarrassed. "What happened to Kelly?"
"She's fine," Xander said. "Before you say anything, you're not going back to work this time."
"I had a bad." Angel began.
"A bad two weeks," Xander interrupted. "You cracked in the middle of a fight and nearly got staked. You spent the next three hours having hysterics. Then for the last two weeks you've been walking around in your own personal nightmare."
"Two weeks?" Angel asked.
"Yep," Anya said. "Everyone's been scared half to death that you were permanently loony."
"Sorry," Angel replied.
"Angel?" Cordy asked hopefully as she walked in.
"Hey Cordy," Angel said turning to her, his expression apologetic.
"You're okay!" Cordy exclaimed hugging Angel enthusiastically.
"Sorry," Angel repeated, over Cordy's shoulder he saw two other women. "Harry? It's been. um. Hello."
"Angel, hi," Harry Doyle said. "I hear you've been better."
"Been worse too," Angel replied.
"I'd like you to meet a colleague of mine; this is Jeanie Romain," Harry said.
Angel stepped back from Cordy. "Pleased to meet you," he said hesitantly.
"Hello Angel," Jeanie said. "I've worked predominately in research since finding out that humans aren't the only sentients around here, but I started in clinical psychiatry."
"What?" Angel asked.
"She studies demon psychology," Cordy said. "We figured we'd have to spend months convincing the average shrink that you being crazy has nothing to do with you thinking you're a vampire, cause, well you are a vampire. With Jeanie we can skip that whole stage, get right to the problem."
"You want me to talk to a psychiatrist?" Angel asked.
"Duh," Cordy replied. "You're nuts."
"Ms. Chase, that isn't helpful," Jeanie said frowning. "Angel you've been through a lot, would it hurt to talk to someone? It doesn't mean you're crazy."
"Of course I am," Angel said. "And I'd like to stay that way."
"Angel!" Cordy exclaimed.
"I'll find a way to deal with the." Angel trailed off searching for a term.
"Panic attacks," Anya supplied helpfully.
"You haven't been dealing," Xander said quietly. "That's the whole problem."
"Maybe I was pushing too hard," Angel offered. "I could take more time before I start helping with cases again. I'd stop trying to stop you from hovering."
"Why do you want to stay crazy?" Jeanie asked curiously.
Angel glanced at the floor uncomfortably. "I like seeing Buffy," he mumbled.
"Buffy, the former Slayer?" Harry asked in surprise. "She became a ghost?"
"Oh for the love of." Cordy huffed. "You don't have to be a lunatic to see dead people around here. We deal with dead people every day; ghosts, zombies, even a certain vampire who's died a couple times now."
"Buffy's not a ghost," Angel protested.
"What is she?" Harry asked.
"She's an angel," Angel said. "She says I can talk to her because I'm not sane."
Jeanie gave Angel an appraising look. "Have you ever heard it said that if you can consider the possibility that you might be insane then you're still sane?"
Angel returned her look with skepticism. "I say I'm crazy so I must be sane; isn't that the classical catch-22?"
"I guess it is at that," Jeanie said. "But would it really be so bad to have someone to act as a sounding board and an objective listener. You said you'd find a way to deal with what's happened to you. Wouldn't that be easier if you had some help understanding why the problems were occurring?"
Angel's expression wavered.
"Please talk to her," Cordy requested.
"Okay," Angel sighed.
~~~*~~~
Willow bit her lower lip nervously as she glanced at the neatly made up bed.
She searched the townhouse for notes, being extra careful, even using a levitation spell to make sure one hadn't fallen behind the stove. She checked the batteries in the answering machine and her email account.
She checked the bathroom, Dawn's toothbrush was still there, she hadn't planned to spend the night away.
With a sigh, Willow picked up the phone. "Hello, Stacy. It's Willow. Did Dawn spend the night at your hall? .Okay . Could you have Carly tell her to call me? They have an eight 'o clock together don't they?"
~~~*~~~
"How is it going?" Wesley asked in a whisper.
"He's talking to her," Xander said. "When Jeanie came today, I think Angel was actually waiting for her. Maybe this will work after all."
"Xander," Anya called, hurrying in with the cell phone pressed to her ear. "It's Willow, Dawn and Spike are missing."
"Damn," Xander exclaimed snatching the phone. "Wills, how long has Dawn been gone?"
~~~*~~~
Spike reclined back, slowly running his fingers through the long silky hair of the girl cradled against his chest.
She sighed in her sleep and stirred. Spike stilled, waiting for her to finish rearranging herself. She wrapped one arm possessively across his chest then slipped back into a deeper sleep.
"Dawnie, you're going to be the death of me," Spike told the sleeping young woman fondly as he remembered how this had all started.
~~~*~~~
..He'd woken to the odd sensation of a warm body pressed against his. Small, delicate fingers traced burning patterns across his bare chest. When soft inviting lips skimmed down his neck, Spike's eyes had popped open.
His first impression had been of long blond hair and a slender, feminine form. "Am I dreaming? Buffy?" Spiked had asked in confusion.
"If you want," she had promised in a low voice.
Spike had grabbed the girl by the shoulders and held her at arms length. "Dawnie! What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?" he'd demanded.
Dawn had slowly slid her hands as far down his chest as she could reach with him restraining her. "Seducing you," she'd answered.
Spike had felt his mouth drop open as he shoved Dawn off him and rolled to his feet. "You. Dawnie." Spike paused to throw a blanket over Dawn then snatched a sheet off the bed and wrapped it around his waist. "You're a kid! Buffy's kid sister. This is disturbed."
"And that bothers you?" Dawn asked discarding the blanket. "Besides, I'm sixteen. Buffy was together with Angel at my age. You're only half as old as he was."
"You are Buffy's kid sister," Spike had repeated, backing away. Dawn stood and followed him, her movements slow and sultry. "What did you do to your hair?" he'd asked, trying to keep his eyes above her neckline.
"Do you like?" Dawn asked ducking her head and shaking her hair forward over her breasts.
"It makes you look like your sister," Spike had replied. His heel hit the wall behind him.
"Good," Dawn whispered leaning up against Spike to kiss him.
Spike moaned at the smell/taste/feel of her, struggling to remember why he though of her in a kid sister way. Dawn used his reaction to deepen the kiss.
Spike lifted her in his arms and carried her back to the bed.
~~~*~~~
.And the next evening he'd resolved to never do that again. Spike remembered that had lasted a week exactly, then he'd gone to her and the little minx had laid out her terms.
"And here I was worrying that you were too young," he whispered. "You knew exactly what you wanted didn't you?"
Dawn yawned languidly. "I wanted you," she answered.
"You wanted to own me," Spike corrected.
"I wanted you to be someone I could love," Dawn replied.
~~~*~~~
Angel held out his scarred hands. "Not even the outside's the same anymore. I didn't think that could change," he said. "Still if I'm careful I can keep the scars covered up, then everyone forgets that they're there. Why can't I forget? I need to concentrate on what's happening now, but all I can think about is what can go wrong. Nothing is same."
~~~*~~~
"I can't use a spell to find them because of Dawn's keyness, she's protected from scrying eyes," Willow said.
"You're sure they're together?" Xander asked. "Cause if they are couldn't you just look for Spike?"
"I know they're together," Willow sighed. "Spike's close enough to her that I can't find him either."
"Can he be trusted to protect her still?" Xander asked.
"He'd die for her," Willow said.
Anya shrugged, unimpressed. "It's not like he has anything else to live for. All the demons hate him and he can't stand being alone."
"He'd die without her," Willow added.
"Good," Xander said. "I guess we'll just have to search the old fashion way; who do you intimidate for information these days?"
"It's still Willie," Willow said. "He's sort of become an institution he's been around so long."
"I shouldn't be enjoying the idea of showing off my fangs to him should I?" Xander asked.
~~~*~~~
"So, let me get this straight: in the other dimension you were essentially a POW for years. Imprisoned and tortured to the point where you gave up even hoping for an escape? And in this world your previous life ended with your murder at a time when you believed you'd betrayed your friends and your mission. Now you want to know why you can't simply step back into your old, highly stressful; and by stressful I mean life and death decisions; life without difficulties?" Jeanie asked.
"I dealt with hell, why not this," Angel said with a shrug.
"Your other self didn't," Jeanie sighed. "Whatever it was that let you deal with Hell happened after the timelines split."
"And since Puppy can't deal, I can't either," Angel said.
"Yeah," Jeanie replied. "Right now if you're put under too much stress you end up blacking out for hours or even days. That's what we're trying to deal with."
~~~*~~~
"We should do this again next year," Dawn said snuggling up against Spike as they walked back to the townhouse.
"Spike!" an outraged voice shouted. Dawn stumbled as the blond vampire was jerked away from her. "You're supposed to be taking care of Dawn!"
"Xander, I'm right here!" Dawn exclaimed.
"Dawn? You're not a kid anymore," Xander said releasing Spike as he turned to stare at Dawn.
"I wish I could say the same. Geese Xander, how old were you when you got turned? Forget about getting into bars, you'll be lucky if they give you a driver's license." Dawn said.
"Why didn't you leave a note?" Willow demanded running to catch up with Xander. "Dawn you were out all night, you skipped classes."
"Its college Wills, everyone skips classes," Dawn replied.
"That's not the point!" Willow yelled. "I was worried. How many times have the bad guys targeted you?"
"Oh give it a rest Witch," Spike said. "It's our anniversary, I wanted to surprise her."
"Your what?" Xander growled pulling Dawn away from Spike.
"They're only dating," Willow said. "I didn't say anything because I thought you'd get mad."
"I am mad," Xander snarled. "You have no idea what he is."
"I'm a vampire," Spike replied. "Sort of like you. Hell you even smell like family blood. Who turned you? Darla? Are you what she finally replaced Angelus with?"
"We're not the same," Xander snapped. "I have a soul."
"And I have a heart," Spike shot back. "Can you love without your soul, Xander?"
"Enough Spike!" Dawn commanded. "Xander, Spike has been a white hat for a long time. There's nothing wrong with me dating him. Now let's just go home, okay? Spike I'll stop by the crypt after classes tomorrow, right?"
~~~*~~~
Angel looked around; there was a puddle of. something on the stairs. There was no smell, the hall was unnaturally dark, dark enough that Angel was incapable of making out color.
He knelt and gingerly touched the substance. It was sticky, warm, familiar. It was blood. Angel's mind rebelled at the lack of smell, but he knew it was fresh blood.
"Hands in the air!" a voice barked behind him. How could have missed this guy's heartbeat, not to mention his footsteps? Angel wondered as he turned and threw a Chinese star at his ambusher.
The knife edged disk embedded in the man's hand and he dropped the gun.
Angel felt like he was moving through molasses as he attacked the man, he just couldn't move fast enough. The guy almost had time to draw a back up gun before Angel grabbed him.
Angel pinned the man against the wall, trying to ignore how much effort it took and demanded, "Where is hostage?"
"Screw you," the man replied.
Angel let his features shift to his game face. "Wanna rethink that response?" he asked.
The man looked confused, "Um. why?"
"I remember this working better," Angel said brushing his free hand across his forehead. "I could swear I changed. oh, right. okay new tactics."
Angel pulled another Chinese star from his coat and pressed it against his prisoner's mouth. "Now tell me what I want to hear or we'll find out how far I can shove this down your throat."
~~~*~~~
"How could you let her date Spike?" Xander asked glancing in the general direction of Dawn's room.
"Because it worked," Willow replied, staring at the floor. "You weren't here, you don't know what it's been like."
"What's that got to do with this?" Xander demand.
"Buffy died. Faith's sitting in jail making sure no new Slayer is called. There's a reason why we have a Slayer, you know; 'The one girl in all the world with the speed and strength.' You remember that? Maybe Angel could have filled in till Faith got paroled, but he was dead." Willow exclaimed. "We tried, you know we tried. It only took the bad guys a month to kill you. After that we got more cautious, but the number of monsters kept rising."
"Eventually a new big bad heard that the Hellmouth was undefended. We beat him, but the spell was too much. I managed to protect Tara from the backlash, but I couldn't protect myself as well. It put me in a coma for almost two months. By the time I woke up Giles was dead too," Willow continued.
"Magic isn't enough, spell casters need someone to keep the bad guys away while they work," Willow explained. "I could handle a duel, but not a bunch of minions. So we paid Spiked to fight, it worked for a while but."
~~~*~~~
."Well, well, well, what have we here? A demon doing evil, I suppose I'll just have to put a stop to this," Spike announced.
"The traitor," the demon said dropping his victim. "When I kill you I'll never have to buy a drink for myself again."
"* When * you kill me, it'll be the day * after * I take up sunbathing," Spike sneered.
"You think you're such hot stuff blondie. You're just a little thing," the demon laughed.
Spike smiled and punched the larger demon in the stomach then when it doubled over he smashed its face into his knee.
Spike stepped back and waited for the other demon to shake it off. When it started climbing to its feet Spike spun and kicked it in the head, knocking it on it's back.
Spike pushed his heel into its throat. "Guess I'm big enough," he said waiting for fear to fill the demon's eyes then ground his foot down on its neck crushing its windpipe and spine.
"I'll have to charge Red overtime for tonight," Spike said walking over to the demon's victim. "Hope you didn't faint, chit. I hate it when they faint. Red won't pay till I get 'em home safe. Huh, what she doesn't know won't hurt her."
Spike rolled the girl over on to her back; his hand came away covered in blood. "Oh, guess I don't have to worry 'bout her anyway," he said licking the girl's blood off his hand.
"Still warm," he commented. "Shame to let it go to waste."
~~~*~~~
. "Maybe the first time it wasn't something Spike could have prevented," Willow sighed. "But it just kept happening, Spike would kill the demons, but someone seemed to turn up dead more often than not. His feeding off the bodies was just awful, it was so wrong."
"I threatened to stop paying him if it kept happening," Willow said. "He told me the blood was payment enough and that if I didn't pay him he'd only kill them when they had a dead victim for him to feed off of afterwards."
"So how does this lead to Spike and Dawn as an item?" Xander asked angrily.
"She slept with him then told him it was a one time deal unless he straightened up," Anya said. "Women controlling men through sex is a time honored tradition."
"Let me see if I understand what you're saying," Xander said, his voice rising. "Dawn is whoring herself to Spike with your consent!"
"It's not like that!" Dawn yelled from her room at the head of the stairs. "I like Spike. I like dating him. and sleeping with him."
"It's not right Dawn," Xander exclaimed. "You deserve better than to waste your life as the keeper for a serial killer, and I'm going to put a stop to this." He grabbed up his jacket and a stake and stormed out of the house.
"Xander! No!" Dawn screamed running after him.
~~~*~~~
"Spike! Spike! Wake up!" Dawn screamed as she threw herself after Xander into the depths of Spike's crypt.
"Thanks for the warning Luv," Spike said shutting off his TV and standing to face Xander.
Xander lunged forward. Spike batted the stake aside and punched the younger vampire.
Xander stumbled back a few steps then kicked Spike. He followed up with another attempt to stake Spike.
Spike grabbed Xander's wrist and spun him around to slam into the wall. Spike pinned Xander there with a forearm pressed across his throat. Slowly Spike turned the stake around and forced it back toward Xander's chest. Spike's blue eyes blazed angrily.
"Okay. Spike, you can stop now," Dawn said.
"He wants to take you away from me," Spike objected.
"You're murdering scum," Xander hissed.
"Former murdering scum," Spike replied. "Like you. Only you're going to be dust in about five seconds."
Dawn grabbed Spike's arm. "Don't Spike. He can't break us up, but if you hurt him, I swear I'll walk," she cried.
Spike abruptly altered his hold on Xander's arm and slammed his hand into the wall, forcing him to drop the stake. "You're not worth it, Harris," he said. "Get the hell out of my home."
~~~*~~~
"Cordy, how are things going?" Xander asked cradling the phone against his shoulder.
"Things aren't great, or even good yet," Cordy replied. "But they're slowly getting better."
"Should I come back?" Xander asked.
"Is everything okay with Dawn?" Cordy asked.
"We found her, but that's only the tip of the iceberg problem wise," Xander sighed.
"Then stay there," Cordy said. "Jeanie's got some ideas for helping Angel, we've got things under control here. Besides, I don't know that there's anything any of us can really do to help. Honestly, I feel really helpless when it comes to Angel, so if there's something you can do to make things better in Sunnydale, be grateful for it."
"Actually, I was thinking of tossing Dawn in the car and dragging her down to LA with Anh and I, what she needs most is to get away from bad influences," Xander said. "Only Spike would probably just follow her and they made us both promise no more violence. Not that it would do me any good, I got spoiled in the other reality, most of the Master's old guard got wiped out during the Harvest. I've had to fight a vampire that was older than myself and healthy before. Now I don't have a choice, because promises or not I've got a feeling that this is going to end with either Spike or I dusted."
~~~*~~~
"Stupid maze," Angel muttered. "How am I supposed to find anything?"
He heard the crack of a gunshot and ran in the direction it came from. A second shot led him to a door. Angel kicked it open and rushed in.
"Too late hero," the bad guy said raising his gun. Angel stared at the dead body laying at the man's feet in shock.
"No," Angel protested. He barely registered the crack of the gun or the room fading to black around him. "I let her die," Angel stammered. "I didn't save her. She died."
Suddenly Angel felt something being pulled off his head and he was back in the warehouse. "No one died Angel," Jeanie assured him. "It was just a game, no one really dies, remember?"
"He shot her. I didn't get there soon enough," Angel continued. "I took too long, she died."
"Angel!" Jeanie yelled. "Concentrate, look at me, listen to me."
Jeanie waited several minutes while Angel forced his mind into the here and now.
"Okay, you're doing better. You did freeze up several times but you pulled yourself back together without me stopping the game. That's real progress on your part."
"She still died," Angel pointed out.
~~~*~~~
"Those games aren't fair," Buffy said. "You can't smell, your hearing and sight are muffled, you're only given human strength and reflexes, it's ridiculous."
"You managed with only human abilities once," Angel said.
He knew Buffy's mouth was twisting with distaste even though he couldn't see her. "The cerma-thingy," she said. "I hated that thing."
"You still passed," Angel pointed out. "I have to figure out a way to do the same. At least I'm not loosing real lives. I have to remember that. I have to get over freezing before it is a real person that dies."
"If it were real you would have saved her, even with the space outs," Buffy said. "You lost more time because of the game's limitations than you did to the other stuff."
"Doesn't matter, I've got to get over the other stuff." Angel replied.
"I still think the game's a cheat," Buffy said. "I know you, if it had of been real you would have been there in time."
~~~*~~~
"Ms. Romain, I'm really not comfortable with your methods," Wesley said. "On one hand if Angel can't maintain objectivity about these games you're forcing him into a situation that's nothing less than torture for him. On the other hand if he can remember that none of what he sees is real you're falsely building his confidence. How can we trust that it will carry over into real life?"
"How else would you suggest I expose him to levels of stress comparable to those he'd normally face without placing him in actual danger?" Jeanie challenged. "Angel can handle stress, but not the level of stress created when other people's lives are on the line. For most people that would be good enough, but not for what Angel wants to do. I've suggested he look into another type of work, but this is what he believes he was destined to do. And I think I am helping. Virtual reality games are quite impressive these days, if you haven't tried one in the last year you'd be surprised."
"I still think it's cruel," Wesley said quietly. "You've implied that Angel is sufficiently involved in the games to forget that they aren't real."
"While they're playing, once he's out of the game he knows they're not real," Jeanie inserted. "He's disconcerted because they were designed with humans in mind, I didn't realize how much sharper his senses are and I wish I could change the game so that it's programmed limitations wouldn't cripple him, but I can't. This is the closest I can get to combat stress, without putting anyone at risk and I believe they will help him deal with real crises eventually."
"I've played video games," Wesley said. "You die or lose dozens of times before you win. You're setting Angel up to fail, repeatedly. I can't believe that it's good for him."
"Then tell me another way to provide the stress levels he needs," Jeanie repeated.
~~~*~~~
"We're going to try something new tonight," Jeanie said. "Your friends tell me you're more comfortable with people trying to kill you than with making small talk, so we're going to a club. You're going to introduce yourself to three new people and have a conversation with each of them."
Angel looked longingly for the VR equipment. "You're joking right?" he asked.
Jeanie shook her head. "Go get ready."
"I've never been good at talking to people," Angel protested. "I function just fine without being able to socialize casually. There isn't a point to this."
"You're proving my point. You need to work on dealing with stress," Jeanie said. "This is stressful."
"But I."
"No buts, you promised you'd try some new things."
"This isn't new it's just."
"Same principal. Get ready. You can go back to the game tomorrow."
~~~*~~~
"How are things in Sunnydale?" Cordy asked.
"I found Spike in Dawn's bed yesterday, how does it sound like things are going?" Xander asked irritably. "I thought maybe I was making some progress after he started threatening me again despite his promise. I didn't think he'd risk upsetting Dawn unless she was starting to listen to me, then this happens."
"Can I just say yuck," Cordy replied making a face. "How many times has he tried to kill us? I mean it's not like he has a good excuse, there's a world of difference between Angel and Angelus, but Spike. he's just Spike, the exact same guy who brought the bug guy to Sunnydale to kill her big sister, and now Dawn's sleeping with him? What the hell is she thinking?"
"According to Willow, she thinks she's keeping Sunnydale safe from the monsters," Xander said tiredly. "Spike was the only one with superpowers, so Dawn 'recruited' him to take Buffy's place."
"Why didn't they just call us?" Cordy asked. "Wes, Gunn and I could have helped. Sure we're all just humans, but we're a good team, we make do."
"It probably never occurred to them," Xander said bluntly. "While you and Wes were here, you were never exactly the big guns. Besides, what if Wills is right? What if it does take a Slayer or someone nearly equivalent? I only lasted a month without Buffy as the backbone of the Slayerettes. I really don't want to talk about this, I hate thinking that Dawn didn't have a choice or that they may have really needed Spike. How's Angel?"
"Jeanie's making him socialize to get used to stress again," Cordy said. "It shouldn't be funny, but it really is. How can anyone possibly get more stressed about someone flirting with him than about a vampire trying to kill him?"
"Angel got attacked?" Xander asked worriedly.
"It was just one of Penn's childer, the guy was as dumb as his Sire. It wasn't a big deal, hardly worth mentioning. He came, he made noise, Angel staked him. For some reason Angel doesn't get all freaky when people want to kill him, it's just when they try to kill other people." Cordy said. "We're getting things back together, really we are. Angel's admitting it when he starts stressing out now. That way we can pull him back before he falls apart. Jeanie say it'll happen less and less as Angel gets used to making decisions again."
"He didn't have the option of getting help in that mess with Kelly Ricks," Xander reminded.
"He doesn't do solo cases anymore," Cordy said. "In fact we're pretty much keeping him out of the violent stuff altogether. It was kind of a surprise, but with all the different languages he speaks he's really good at research, and he's good at tactics too. You'd never have know it from the old days, but when he doesn't get to lead the charge Angel does a lot more planning."
"He isn't rebelling against all this?" Xander asked.
"Angel wants to get better," Cordy replied.
"It sounds like you guys are doing okay. It's good to hear things are going right for some of us anyway. I guess I'll keep trying to talk some sense into Dawn, or maybe we'll get lucky and Spike'll fall on stake. Bye Cordy," Xander said hanging up the phone. He turned to see Willow standing in the doorway behind him.
"Spike's not all bad," she said quietly.
"Give me an example." Xander challenged.
"I made a mistake once," Willow said. "An awful one, Spike helped fix it. I don't know if it was out of respect for Buffy's memory or out of concern for Dawn, but he did it."
"Using Spike as a mercenary wasn't my first thought after Giles died."
~~~*~~~
.Willow glanced nervously around the cemetery then sat the spell components around the grave and began chanting. The power that filled her felt like flames and filth as she called up something old and dark.
She vomited as the power ran through her, coating her insides with its corruption. The power flowed from her into the ground and Willow felt something stir.
The ground over the grave erupted and a withered, half rotted hand clawed its way free.
"No," Willow whimpered. "It's not supposed to be like this."
A second arm emerged from the grave, like a swimmer breaking the surface.
"Return! Return!" Willow scream, but only a flicker of power answered her call, not nearly enough to overcome the spell's inertia.
The not-dead thing that had been Buffy finished pulling itself out of the ground and stood up.
Willow screamed and scrambled back as it's shriveled eyes met hers. Slowly, evilly, the thing smiled then turned and shambled off in the direction of the Summers' home.
Willow grabbed a nearby branch and attacked the thing she had raised.
The decaying corpse caught the branch in mid-swing and tore it from Willow's grasp. Then it shoved the red head to the ground. "Haven't you done enough, Witch?" it rasped.
Sobbing Willow fled, crawling then scrambling to her feet, only to trip over a tombstone as she ran blindly away from what she had brought about.
Several minutes later strong, cool arms caught her and set her on her feet. "You're in a bloody awful state Red," Spike commented sardonically.
"She wasn't Buffy," Willow cried. "I just wanted Buffy back. I wanted it back like it used to be before."
Spike shook the witch roughly. "You brought Buffy back?" he demanded.
Willow nodded. Spike dropped the girl and took off running in the direction she'd come from.
Willow got back to her feet and hurried out of the cemetery to a pay phone.
~~~*~~~
"Slayer!" Spike cried triumphantly, seeing the slight blond figure in a tattered black dress.
Slowly the thing turned back to face Spike.
"Buffy," Spike said in shock. "What's she done to you? No worries luv, old Spike'll fix it right up, good as new."
"What could you do for me?" the Slayer's shell asked in a voice like dried twigs rubbing together.
"I'll find a way to put you to rights," Spike promised. "You'll see. You and me, everything'll go our way."
"You Spike? You'll do all that? You're weak, impotent. useless," it said, its voice filled with malice. "Why would anyone want you?"
For a moment Spike's face was open and vulnerable, "Took a page from Angelus' book," he said, his voice filled with hurt and the thing smiled cruelly.
Spike shifted to the vampire. "You're not her," he said more firmly. "You're just a demon, nothing like her."
~~~*~~~
"Tara, I did something really bad," Willow sobbed into the phone.
~~~*~~~
Spike punched the thing, his fist sunk into it's rotted flesh, but it didn't appear to feel pain.
It grabbed him by the throat and lifted till he was forced up on his toes.
~~~*~~~
"Return to eternal rest," Tara chanted, lighting a candle in the Summers' kitchen. "Let this spell be broken."
"Return to dust," Willow's voice added, from the phone's speaker. "Let this spell be broken."
"Return to dirt," Tara choked out, fighting sudden nausea her magic recharged Willow's using the red-head's link to the creature to break the spell that had risen it. "Let this spell be broken."
"Return to grave," Willow said. "Let this spell be broken."
"Return, now! Let this spell be broken," Tara completed the spell and blew out the candle, then she struggled to forced her link with Willow, and her tainted magic, to close.
~~~*~~~
Spike felt the crushing grip on his throat loosen, then the thing that had once been Buffy crumpled to the ground like a puppet with its strings cut.
He watched the still body suspiciously for several minutes, when it showed no further signs of animation he scooped it up in his arms and started walking back toward Buffy's grave.
He found Willow kneeling by the tombstone, her face streaked with tears. Spike ignored her. He set Buffy's body on the ground and began clearing the disturbed dirt out of the grave.
Silently Willow moved to help him.
Several minutes later Tara joined them, she handed the shovel she'd brought with her to Spike.
"We needed her," Willow said, going to Tara. "I thought the PTB would make her come back right because we need her."
"Don't," Tara cried backing away from Willow.
"I'm sorry, I thought it would work," Willow sobbed.
"Raising the dead is the most forbidden type of magic. You knew that Willow," Tara accused. "Look what it's done to you."
"I just wanted to make things better. I'm so sorry," Willow repeated, grabbing Tara's hand and falling to her knees in front of the other girl.
Tara jerked away, doubling over in pain, "Don't touch me," she cried.
~~~*~~~
. "Tara stuck out the school year," Willow said quietly. "I got the townhouse so she'd have space while I tried to purify my magic. It never worked. I can't combine my magic with any white witch, not without making them feel sick. Tara and I had a connection; distance was the only way she could close me out."
"She transferred to another school the following year. Tara wanted Dawn to come with her when she left, only Dawn felt that abandoning Sunnydale would be betraying Buffy's memory," Willow continued. "Maybe I should have been the one to leave, maybe Tara would have done a better job of handling things, but Sunnydale was my home. We never thought about whether or not I could actually do any good, or even if I were the best person to try."
"I did the best I could Xander, but Dawn and Anya couldn't fight and I needed a back up. Spike was the only option we had. Dawn figured out how to make him reliable. Don't begrudge her her feelings for him; they make it better for her. She only did what needed to be done to keep Sunnydale protected."
"Well I'm here now," Xander said. "You don't need him, she doesn't have to do that anymore."
~~~*~~~
Angel pounded on the punching bag mercilessly.
"Is this a grudge match?" Cordy asked, coming in behind him.
"I'm sick of all this," Angel snarled leaning back to kick the bag.
"All what?" Cordy asked.
Angel punctuated each phrase with a blow, "Video games, talking about myself with Jeanie, socializing," Angel uttered the last word like it was a curse. "I'm tired of being wrong inside."
"Well, I think you're getting better," Cordy said.
Angel caught the bag then turned to face Cordy.
"Just think about it. You're all stressed-out and upset. And you reacted to that by beating the stuffing out of something instead of by taking a reality vacation," Cordy explained. "Sure, for most people violence is not a healthy way of dealing with things but you and Buffy are strange, so like I said, this is improvement."
"I should be doing something. I'm wasting time," Angel said. "There's something I need to be doing now."
"Angel, you're immortal," Cordy said. "You've got all the time in the world."
"I don't want that, remember?" Angel asked then changed the subject. "I've got to get cleaned up, Jeanie wants me to go to another club. Did you save my ring by any chance?"
"What ring?" Cordy asked.
"It's silver, has two hands holding a heart with a crown over it," Angel said.
"Oh yeah, it's in your box. Haven't you unpacked yet?" Cordy asked. "And why do you want it anyway?"
"I'm tired of everyone I talk to deciding I'm hitting on them," Angel explained. "I thought the ring might make it clear I'm taken. I just want to talk, I don't want to go to bed with anyone."
"Your soul's permanent and Buffy's dead," Cordelia reminded him.
"So am I," Angel replied.
"It's not the same," Cordelia objected.
"Doesn't matter, I'm still hers."