Rating: R
Warnings: Dark Fic
Spoilers: none
Summery: Just wondered how Willow would feel after spending years with Angelus.
Disclaimer: Not mine and I'll keep my hands off.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
~Part: 1~
*** Catch me as
I fall
Say your here and
it's all over now
Speaking to the
atmosphere,
No ones here and
I fall into myself.***
The sky turned a deep shade of purple as the wind whipped her hair to the south. A vague smile came upon her lips to be retracted immediately at the sound of a deep penetrating howl. She flicked her long red hair over her shoulder contemplating exactly what had become of her 'home'.
The rugged building stood upon the end of a great cliff. She walked towards the edge and looked down solemnly at the water which crashed against the jagged rocks making a low and flat noise, a noise which attracted the foolish birds to their death. She understood the feelings of the birds and their need to be near the sound, they thought it was hope, freedom yet all that became of them was death. Death beneath the waters.
She shrugged off her thoughts content with being alone at the top of the cliff. As the wind blew her hair once again in the way of her eyes she lifted her head from the sight of yet another death to add to her account of hundreds. Her emerald eyes caught sight of a small rock indented in the most peculiar way. She had noticed it before but never had the time or patience to look at it. She didn't mean a quick glance she'd done that many a time, but to really look at it, to study it. No. Never had time for that.
She walked slowly back away from the edge casting one more curious glance at the rock before turning completely around and sitting beneath the tree. She always sat beneath the tree it was a place of tranquillity and peace where she could escape the world around her and stare into her mind, the lonely shell that moved her carcass around.
She pulled down one of the branches from the tree and snapped of a leaf. She sat there in complete silence for a few seconds before opening her mouth and whispering so quietly an "oh". She dropped the lifeless twig to the floor. She had done that she had killed it. Something so innocent and she had taken its life as swiftly as the rocks took the life of those foolish birds.
And they were foolish; they were foolish enough to go to their death. Just like she had. Yet here she was breathing but still feeling dead. No emotions or thoughts just the shell of the woman she used to be.
***This truth drives
me
Into madness,
I know I can stop
the pain if I will it all away
If I will it all
away.***
The return of the howl made her jump in shock. She peered around wearily in case anything was out there. Then it struck her like a bolt of lightening. So what if anything was out there, it would bring her peace, a dream away from this nightmare. She knew one day that she would retract into herself so completely that she wouldn't come back to the nightmare she built her own world to escape.
She looked at her hands all she saw on them was blood, mass amounts of blood that she had shed. When she closed her eyes she only saw their bodies. She tried so hard to tell herself that she didn't do it but deep down her soul wouldn't let her forget her past and the horrible future that came along with it. And for the millionth time in her life she lay on the ground and let the tears rack her body. She wept over what she could've had, who she could've been, but worst she wept at how she could never get those things that she yearned most. She wept for her freedom.
Her hands clawed at the grass beneath her he was behind her stalking up to her. She couldn't let him reach her! Not again!
She looked at the mud underneath her nails. The irritating mud she wished she could get rid of with a click of her fingers. She sat there staring at her nails for a few minutes before hearing a twig snap. Realising how close he was she put in an extra spurt of energy. Nearly reaching the end before his had rested on her shoulder. She was too late. She screamed.
She jerked her head up as she awoke for her dream. The droplets of sweat
ran down her face. Some getting caught in her eyes making her blink and
appear crying. She wiped the sweat away from her eyes and rose shakily
to her feet. She slowly made her way towards her 'home' that's what he
had told her to call it. She was beaten when she called it what it really
was. Her prison, a box from which she couldn't escape. Even if she left
this she couldn't leave her past along with it. No matter how much she
wanted to.
She had given up hope years ago. She had given up herself years ago.
Her Emerald green dress complimented her eyes. She took her mirror out of her pocket and looked at her face to make sure there were no tear tracks. There was nothing there her eyes were empty reflecting how she felt, reflecting who she was. She closed the mirror with a crack just as she had closed her life those many years ago.
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