Cordelia looked at the ringing phone. "Angel, it's Spike's line," she called into the office. "Do you want me to get it?"
"No, I'll get it," he said. He picked up the receiver. "Hello."
"May I speak to Mr. Jamison, please?"
"Just a moment," Angel replies. He put the call on hold and ran down stairs to wake up Spike.
"Spike, get up."
Spike pushed the covers off his head. "What?"
"Piel's on the phone."
Spike jumped out of bed and rushed upstairs. Lifting the receiver to his ear, he pressed the blinking light. "Yeah."
"Mr. Jamison? This is Dr. Piel."
Spike glanced at the clock on the wall. It wasn't even noon, yet. "What happened?"
"I had another session with Willow this morning. At first I wasn't sure I'd be able to get her to talk to me, but I showed her my scar and told her I knew she was telling the truth."
Spike glanced at his sire and Cordelia who sat in the chair across from the desk. "What did she say?"
"Well, she did tell me some of what happened that night."
"Did you mention Spike?" he asked. If he had any, he would have held his breath.
"Yes. And it went down hill from there."
"What do you mean?"
"She wanted to know where I heard that name because she'd never mentioned it before in any of her sessions. Then she asked who I worked for," he said.
Spike rubbed his eyes. "What did you tell her?"
"I told her that she had a benefactor who cared about her very much. Then she told me to tell you, if you cared about her so much come visit her."
"Can you arrange that?" Spike asked.
"Visiting hours end at six."
"Yeah, well that's a little inconvenient for me."
"I understand. I'll see what I can do."
"You do that," Spike said as he hung up.
Angel and Cordy watched Spike collapse into the chair. "Well, what did he say?" Cordy asked.
Spike sighed before filling them in on the other half of the conversation.
Spike leaned forward and rested his elbows on the edge of the desk. He laced his fingers together and rested his forehead against them. "She's going to hate me."
"Willow won't hate you," Angel said trying to comfort his childe.
His blue eyes stared at his sire. "I wish I could have a guarantee on that. She probably thinks I abandoned her. Just like her parents did."
"You don't know that, Spike. She loves you so much," Cordy said softly.
"Two years, Cordelia. She spent two years in that place. You don't think she's going to be pissed at me for leaving her there."
Angel rested a hand on his shoulder. "Spike, you spent two years looking for her. You only found her last month. It took that long to get Dr. Piel in there to help her."
Spike closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against his hands. "She doesn't know that," he whispered.
"So you explain it to her. We all will. She'll understand," Cordy reasoned. "Willow's smart and has the biggest heart since Santa Clause."
Spike chuckled. "Thanks."
Part 7
Piel closed the inner office door just as Willow opened the door from
the outer office. She looked calmer that she had yesterday. He noticed
she had washed and brushed her hair. "How are you feeling, Willow?"
"Okay," she answered quietly. She walked across the room and sat down.
Piel sat behind his desk. He was surprised she didn't automatically reach for her cigarettes. "Are you ready to talk about Spike?" he asked.
Willow kept her eyes downcast and picked at her cuticle. Tears burned her eyes.
"Willow?"
She looked up at him through her ragged bangs. "I don't want to," she whispered in a hoarse voice.
He saw the tears shining in her eyes. "Why not?"
One tear slowly slid down her cheek. "I don't want to lose him."
"How would you lose him, Willow?"
In vain she tried to sniff back her tears. "If I talk about him, I'll start forgetting. I can't remember what Buffy looked like anymore. I used to have such a clear picture in my head of all of them. I started talking about them and they started to disappear." Tears started to fall freely down her sad face. "I know she had blonde hair and blue eyes, but I can't remember the details any more. I can't lose Spike like that. He's too important to me." A sob cracked her voice.
"Why is he so important to you?"
"I love him. He keeps me safe when I'm scared." She recognized the doctor's concerned look. "I don't mean like that. I know he's not here. It's just...just that I remember the times when he would just hold me. I felt safe then. Dr. Elson taught me that. To find a memory that made me feel safe when I was frightened," she said with a lopsided smile.
Piel smiled. "That is a wonderful tool. I'm glad you have that."
"I just don't want to lose him like I lost the others." She wiped her tears away with the cuff of her shirt.
"That's not possible, pet," a familiar voice said from the corner of the room.
Turning in her chair she looked at the figure she never thought she'd see again. Facing forward, she gripped the arms of the chair. "I'm seeing things. Oh, God. I am insane."
Spike moved slowly until he was kneeling at her feet. He reached up and brushed the tears from her cheeks. "I'm real, pet. I'm here and you couldn't lose me again if you tired," he whispered.
At his cool touch, Willow closed her eyes and prayed to any god that would listen to let it be true. Her lip started to quiver and he brushed his thumb across the tender flesh. She opened her eyes to look at his smiling face. With a sob, she threw herself into his strong arms.
Spike accepted her weight willingly. As he wrapped his arms around her frail body he inhaled her scent. He missed that. Holding her close and burying his nose in her sweet smelling hair. He rubbed his hand over her back, trying to soothe away her sobs.
She pulled back to look into his blue eyes. "You are real. Oh, God. I've missed you so much." She smiled through her tears.
He kissed her gently. "I've missed you, too. I never thought I'd find you again. Oh, baby, I've looked for you for two years." Tears filled his eyes as he thought about the time he'd lost searching.
"Two years?"
"I've been looking for you since that night," he said.
Willow leaned into his chest. She was afraid if she let him go she'd never see him again. "My parents found me hysterical in my room. I tried to explain to them what happened, but they didn't believe me. They put me in an institution. I've been to seven different hospitals. It's no wonder it took so long to find me. I didn't know where I was half the time."
Spike kissed the crown of her head. "Never again," he promised her. Pulling back he cupped her beautiful face in his hands. "I want you to work with Dr. Piel so I can get you out of here."
Silently she nodded.
His fingers brushed her mutilated hair. "Why?"
Willow broke eye contact. Staring at her hands resting on his chest, she sniffed her tears back. "You used to brush my hair. Remember?" she asked looking back at his icy blue eyes.
"I remember. I loved brushing your hair."
"I know. I got mad that you couldn't do that anymore. So I cut it. Well, hacked it off," she said with a crooked grin.
He smiled down at her. "I'm sure Cordelia knows someone who can fix it."
"Cordelia?"
"Yep. When I found out you where in Los Angeles, I hit Peaches up for a place to stay while I tried to get you out."
"Angel?" He nodded. Willow's smile fell. "Does he blame me?"
"For what?" he asked concerned.
"For Buffy's death."
"Why would he blame you for her death, Willow?" Dr. Piel asked.
Startled she looked up at the doctor behind the desk. She'd forgotten he was still in the room. "It's my fault."
Spike forced her attention back to him. "It is not your fault," he said sternly.
"I ran away. I should have stayed and fought," she explained.
"It. Is. Not. Your. Fault. If you had stayed you would have been killed, too," Spike tried to reason with her.
Willow knew Spike was right, but in her heart she couldn't help blaming herself.
"That's why you never worked to get out of here, isn't it?" Piel asked. "You were punishing yourself for your friends' deaths, weren't you?"
She was silent for a few moments as she mulled the idea over. "I guess. But I deserved to be punished. If I hadn't befriended Tara..."
"No, Willow. You do not deserve to be punished. For anything. You did not kill your friends. And that is what we are going to start working on tomorrow." Dr. Piel gathered some papers and exited the open door Spike had entered through.
Willow and Spike sat on the floor holding each other. "I'm going to see you again, aren't I?" she asked softly.
He chuckled into her hair. "Just try and keep me away. It won't be everyday, but Piel will arrange to get me in here."
"I've missed you so much."
Spike pulled her to her feet and settled into the vacant chair as Willow sat in his lap. "I've missed you, too, pet. I was afraid to come see you," he admitted.
She stroked his soft peroxide blonde hair. "Afraid?"
"I was afraid that you would hate me."
"Why would you think that?"
He held her small hand in his. Bringing it to his lips, he kissed the palm. "I thought you would hate me for leaving you in this place," he whispered against her soft skin.
Resting her cheek against his head she inhaled the scent that could only belong to Spike, a mix of stale cigarettes, leather and just a little something extra she could never place. "You couldn't have gotten me out of here. I didn't want to leave. Dr. Piel's right. This was my punishment I placed on myself. Maybe not for killing them, but for surviving," she said thoughtfully.
Spike held her close. "Do you think you're ready to end the punishment?"
She nodded her head. "I think I am."
"Good cuz I want you by my side." They sat silently together for five minutes before he spoke again. "How long is your session scheduled for?"
She glanced at the clock on the wall. "Another half hour."
"Can I just sit and hold you till then?" he asked.
"I'd like that," she whispered. Slowly her nightmare was coming to an end.
THE END