Title: Forgiveness
Author: CheeryWillow
Summary: Spike regains his soul, Willow is the only one there for him
Rating: PG
Distribution: You want it, you got it, just let me know.
Dedication: To everyone who has been sending feedback on my other 
story; keep it coming. I promise the next part will be out very 
shortly. I wrote it and then decided to change the entire thing 
so I had to scrap it. So I hope this satisfies everyone for now!

Notes: A little sap for everyone. This takes place after season 
4.



        Spike's body was curled up on the floor like a ball. The 
memories came flooding back to him rapidly and he felt as if he 
might lose consciousness. All of those pointless deaths and 
tortures he inflicted on the masses. All the horrible things he 
had said and done. He couldn't face them. He wanted to die.

        Willow sat there looking at Spike, tears running down her 
face. She had fallen in love with Spike over the year, and 
couldn't stand to see him go through so much pain and suffering. 
 "Isn't there anything we can do to make it easier on him?"

        Angel looked at the redhead and shook his head. He saw 
the love in her eyes for his childe. He couldn't believe he 
hadn't noticed it before. "I'm afraid not. He will survive, 
Willow. Trust me, it is really difficult at first. You have to 
come to terms with everything you've done over the years. All the 
memories of all the victims will haunt him forever. But over 
time, the pain will lessen and you learn that you have to move 
on. Spike was a good person before Dru turned him. That will 
help."

        "Why did we have to do this? I mean, couldn't we have 
gotten him to help us some other way?" Willow knew the answer 
already, but couldn't admit it to herself.

        "You know why. He would have never agreed to help us. And 
once the chip malfunctioned and he was back to his old self, he 
was rebuilding his minion empire to reek havoc on you all. Plus, 

he was going to kill you, Willow." Angel stated, giving the witch 
a small hug. 

        Willow nodded and looked down at the floor. Cordy had 
another vision and had sent Angel up to Sunnydale as quickly as 
possible. She envisioned Spike attacking Willow, draining her. 
What they didn't know, however, is that Spike was going to turn 
her. When she vamp sat for Spike when he lived at Giles, he used 
to always tell her how he would turn her if he got the chance. 
Willow knew he was serious.  Spike went to her dorm room that 
night when he discovered the chip had malfunctioned.  She had 
invited him in, wondering what he wanted. Instead of answering 
her, he vamped out trapping her in the corner. He kept muttering, 
"I made a promise to you, Red". Just as he was about to bite her, 
Angel came over with Buffy and Riley in tow, to save her. Of 
course, three over one was too much. Buffy was going to stake 
him, but Willow and Angel insisted that she not do that. Instead, 
Angel had found a permanent soul restoration spell in LA, and 
planned to use it on his childe. So now, here they were, in Giles 
apartment, with a man rolling on the floor in pain. And all 
Willow could do was wish that he had turned her and he had gotten 
away so she wouldn't have to see him go through so much pain.

        "Well thank God. He is harmless now. I still say we 
should have staked him. He is way too much trouble. Let's leave 
him on the street." Buffy practically spat out as she looked at 
the vampire. Riley nodded in agreement and they left promptly, 
without giving much thought to the vampire.  Xander and Anya did 
the same, Anya looking grateful that when she turned human she 
didn't have to feel remorse to what she did to all those men.  
Giles, went to bed, asking Angel and Willow to take care of Spike 
until the morning.

        "Well, I guess it's just you and me, Will." Angel said, 
looking slightly uncomfortable with the whole situation. "He will 
be okay, you know. We saved him, believe it or not." 

        Willow shook her head. "How did you do it Angel? How did 
you survive? He looks so helpless, so lost. I wish we hadn't done 
this."

        Angel looked at the girl in sympathy. "I understand 
Willow. Trust me, I do. He is my blood, my family. As screwed up 
of a relationship as we have, I don't want to see him in pain. 
But it was either that or kill him. I would not let him turn you 
for the world."

        Willow looked up, surprised at Angel's last statement. 
"How did you know?"

        Angel smiled. "He has been obsessed with you for a while, 
Willow. A sire knows these things. We can't leave him here. LA is 
too far a trip. Are your parents home?"

        Willow shook her head. "No.  They are in Vienna for a 
business conference. Always gone. He could stay in the guest 
room."

        "That sounds like a good idea. Let's get him over there." 
Willow and Angel grabbed Spike. The vampire was in a daze and 
followed them without much struggle.  They set him up in the 
bedroom as planned. 

        Willow knew that Angel had to go back to LA. She was just 
hoping it would be later than sooner. "Are you going to be 
alright, alone with him?" Angel asked concerned for his friend.

        "Yes. I'll be fine. Now go. You have evil afoot and lots 
of people depend on you." She smiled and hugged her dear friend.

        "If you need anything, I'll come right back."

        "If I need anything, I will call." Willow said 
reassuringly. "Just if I call, do not send Cordy up here. She 
will just insist that all these problems can be solved by 
shopping."

        Angel laughed. "She has changed you know."

        "I know. But it's just easier to still think of Cordy as 
the stuck up beauty queen who stole away my best friend." She 
laughed. "No, I really do like Cordelia a lot. She is good for 
you," Willow knew that Angel had feelings for the brunette. He 
just wouldn't admit them to himself yet. "You gotta go."

        "Alright. Give me a call tomorrow, promise?" 

        "Promise. I better look in on Spike." Willow turned to 
leave. Angel stopped her.

        "Hey- thanks." 

        Willow once again smiled. She missed having Angel around. 
"No. Thank you. I know this was the best way to handle this 
situation. We should have done it months ago. Look, I'll call 
you." 

        Angel walked out the door and left the redhead to tend to 
Spike. She sighed, not knowing if she would be strong enough to 
take care of him. She loved the vampire however, and would do 
anything for him.



        Spike tossed and turned in his sleep. He didn't know 
where he was or what day it was. Frankly, he didn't care. Spike's 
mind kept on going back to those innocent people he killed and 
maimed. How could he ever live with himself? He turned over in 
the bed once again, and tried to sleep, ignoring the flood of 
memories within him.

        "Spike? Spike?" he heard a name cry out. He looked up and 
saw a redheaded girl looking down concerned. Willow. His brain 
told him automatically. His thoughts then went to what he had 
tried to do to her in the dorm room and what a monster he had 
become.

        "Spike? Are you okay? Of course you're not okay. But you 
must be hungry." Willow offered him, handing a mug of blood to 
him.

        Spike took the blood and looked into it. He was repulsed 
by it. This blood reminded him of all the innocent slaughterings 
he committed.

        "Go on. Drink it." Willow sighed. 

        "Why are you doing this? Why don't you leave me alone? I 
tried to kill you, remember? I killed all those people…" he 
trailed off.

        Willow looked at him concernedly. She let her hand run 
across the length of his cheekbone, pausing for the slightest of 
moments. "Because I care. Angel told me what he went through with 
his soul restoration and I couldn't bear to have the same happen 
to you. He had no one. I want you to have someone."

        Spike couldn't believe the words coming out of her mouth. 
He loved this girl before the restoration and yet he still tried 
to kill her. "But I don't deserve you."

        Willow smiled. "Drink your blood. Don't worry- its pig 
blood. You need rest."

        Spike shook his head. "It doesn't go away. All those 
people. Sleeping doesn't make it better. You should leave me."

        Willow began to get slightly irritated. "No. I won't. 
Everyone else except for Angel and I have abandoned you. I care 
about you. Even after everything you've done. You have done some 
good things you know as a soulless vampire."

        "Like what? Because I bloody don't believe it." 

        The redhead looked down at the floor. "You made me forget 
about Oz and move past it. Even if you did it inadvertently, you 
did it. You used to listen to me while you were chained in the 
tub and give me advice. Your advice was some of the best I ever 
got. It was straightforward and direct. I needed it."

        Spike couldn't believe that Willow actually had nice 
thoughts about him. This was incredible. "I'm not worthy of your 
attentions, Luv."

        "Well, worthy or not, you are going to receive my 

services. I will help you get through this, and then you can 

finally move on. Just promise me you won't be like Angel moping 

all the time. I couldn't stand it. Feel remorseful, but have a 

little fun."



        Spike smiled slightly. Willow took that as the first 

positive sign in the past twenty-four hours. "I'll try, pet. No 

promises."







        The next week hadn't been easy. Even though Spike had 
tried to be cheerful, it just didn't work.  He often found 
himself lying on the couch, flipping mindlessly through the 
channels, waiting for one day to inevitably mold into the next. 

Willow didn't know what to do with him. It had been hard on her 

to say the least. No one from her little group understood why she 

was doing this, nor did they care to stop by and help. So Willow 

was alone, and she was bitter about it. Staring at Spike with 

sadness, she finally resolved to call Angel and ask for his help. 

Willow hadn't talked to him in six days. The redhead didn't want 

to burden the vampire with anymore problems, he was busy enough 

in LA without her issues. But she didn't know where else to turn. 

Slowly, Willow dialed the number, staring at Spike the whole 
time, praying internally that he would soon come out of his funk.

        "Angel investigations. We help the hopeless." A familiar 
voice rang out.

        "Cordelia! Hi, it's me Willow! Listen, I really need to 
talk to Angel? Is he available?" she asked, worried about the 
probability that he would actually be out, helping some victim.

        All her fears were put aside however, when Cordy replied 
cheerfully. "Willow, hi? Yup. He's right here? But don't talk too 
long, okay? We are waiting for paying clients to call.'

        Willow forced out a laugh. "Okay."

        "Willow? This is Angel. How are you?" The vampire asked, 
concerned for the redhead. He was glad she called.

        "Well…I wish I could say well, but the truth is, I am all 
out of ideas, Angel. Spike isn't doing much better, in fact, 
although he tries to hide it from me, he is becoming more 
withdrawn. What did you do to become who you are today?"

        "Well… Truth Willow?"

        "Truth." She replied flatly.

        "It took eighty years. And the only reason why I became 
this way is because of Buffy. Whistler- you know you that is, 
right?"

        "Yup. Buffy told me all about him." Willow cringed 
thinking about her best friend and how she had abandoned Willow 
that week.

        "Well, he showed me Buffy a year before I actually met 
her. I fell in love with her right then and there.  She gave me a 
purpose to live. That is what Spike needs. A purpose to live, 
without that, he is pretty much nothing. Tell me… has he shown 
any signs of life at all this week?"


        "No, not really."

        "Have you told him how you feel?" Angel asked.

        "What?" Willow asked, bewildered. How could Angel know 
about her feelings for the vamp.

        "You know. Have you told him you loved him? I can see it 
your eyes. Anyone who can has to be turning a blind eye." Angel 
replied, already knowing the answer to his question.

        "No." Willow answered honestly.  "I don't want him to 
have to go through anything else right now. He is in so much 
pain, Angel. I can't stand it. I wish I could just take it all 
away from him, make him happy again. Goddess, how I want to see 
him smile again. Even if it had to be that arrogant smirk he used 
to always wear."



        Angel could her Willow's tears falling from the other end 

of the line. How his heart ached for the two potential lovers. 

"You can see him smile again, Willow."



        Willow sniffed. "I just wish I knew how."

        "Willow? You haven't been listening to me. You have to 
tell Spike how you feel. Give him a purpose to live. Buffy was my 
life jacket, now you have to be Spike's.  He loves you and feels 
he doesn't deserve you. Prove to him otherwise. He doesn't need a 

friend right now. He needs a reason to continue. A reason to keep 

moving after all those deaths. Okay? Listen, do you need me to 

come back up there?"



        "No. Angel, I think you may be right."



        "Will- I am right. Listen, if you need anything. I mean, 

anything, come get me. Please?"



        Willow couldn't help but laugh at the pathetic voice he 

took on. "Okay. I guess I'll let you go. Oh, and Angel?"



        "Yes?"



        "Thanks." She hung up the phone, with a new determination 
written on her face.



>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>



                

        The stars screamed out to her in rushed panic. They 
explained what had happened to her darling blood brother, her 
lover for nearly a century.  She cried out in pain, feeling the 
emotions that he was going through, the torment inflicted upon 
his brand new soul. They couldn't take her Spikey away. First 
daddy, and now him.  "No…" she cried out, for the first time in a 
while looking to the stars with blatant hatred. Why must they 
always deliver bad news? She was just about to have tea with Miss 
Edith.

        Slowly, she rose from the table where she was sitting. 
"I'm sorry. I will have to delay this tea," she spoke to the 
doll, truly believing it would speak back to her. "It seems as 
though I need fly around the world to help my Spikey. It's too 
bad. Paris really was a lovely place with lots of good things to 
eat in it."

        She smiled and nodded in agreement at Miss Edith. "Yes, 
you are quite right, Miss Edith. The little tree will have to 
die."


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