Part 1

It was raining again that day. Willow sat on a chair, her head resting on
the windowsill, looking glumly out at the drops of water pounding the
sidewalk. She had gone outside earlier, her tears mixing with the rains.
Now, she had no more tears. Only a numbing pain that ached throughout her
whole body.
Buffy looked on at the girl with a heavy heart. “Wills, are you okay? Do
you need to talk?”
Willow shook her head. Talking would do her no good now. “No. I’ll be
fine, thanks.”
Buffy sighed. “But you have been like this for days. You are practically
comatose. You haven’t eaten, you haven’t gone out, and you just sit there
sitting at that window, moping all day. You have to move on Willow. For your
own good. She has been gone for over a month now.”
Willow looked up at Buffy, noticing that while the slayer had harsh words
for her, the look on the girls’ face was of concern and worry. Willow smiled
slightly. “I know she’s gone. I just still feel responsible, you know?”
“Well, you loved Tara. She was a wonderful person. But Will, you weren’t
the one who killed her.” Buffy sat down next to the petite redhead, her arm
around her.
“But it was my fault she ran off.” Tears welled up in her eyes again. And
one by one, those tears began to fall. “Just everything is so messed up, you
know? I am so confused, so many conflicting emotions. I loved her with all
my heart, Buffy. And I let her down. I let her get killed, and I let
her....”
“Shhhh....” Buffy pulled Willow into her arms. “You just have to move on.
The others want to see you. I miss you. They all miss you. Even Anya.”
The laugh that came from Willow, be it small, was a big sign of
encouragement for Buffy. “Anya? Now how come I find that hard to believe?”
Buffy grinned. “No Will. I swear it’s the truth. She missed you. We all
miss you. Why don’t we round up the Scooby Gang and all go out? We can go
out to eat and then to a movie. It will be fun! Come on. For old times
sake?”
Willow glanced out the window. It had stopped raining. Tentatively, she
replied, “Okay.”
 
 

Willow looked in the mirror one last time before heading out the door. It
had been a while since she had dressed in something other than jeans and a
tee shirt. It was Buffy’s persist nature that had insisted that the girl
wear a more feminine outfit. Buffy also did her hair and makeup, and was now
shoving her out the door. Willow had to admit to herself that it felt good
to be dressed up again, to again take some pride in her appearance.
She walked out the door meeting Buffy on the sidewalk. Buffy was talking on
a cell phone, smiling at Willow as she glided down the stairs to her best
friend. Buffy grabbed her arm and together they started walking to Giles
house. Buffy finished up the conversation. “She’s ready. We are on our
way.”

Xander hung up the phone. “They are on their way here.”
Giles smiled. “Good. She is slowly improving, but hopefully with time she
will be fully recovered.”
While the rest smiled at Willow’s breakthrough, Spike paced around nervous
as a cat. “Good?!?! How can you say good??? She doesn’t even know I am in
town still and you still bloody say good? She thought I had left. But no, I
stayed here and now she has to face me. Maybe I should leave.” Spike began
to walk towards the door.
Xander however stepped in the vampire’s way. So what if he would be the
first one that Spike killed when he lost his implant? He was doing this for
his best friend. “You are not going anywhere.”
Spike glared at the boy. “Get out of my way, moron.”
Xander stayed firm. “No, I am not letting you leave. As much as it pains me
to admit it, you are the one person she needs more than anyone else. And I
am not letting you just vanish. Got that?”
“Wanker.” Spike sat down in the corner watching the television from a
distance. He didn’t know what he was going to say to her, or what he was
going to do. It was his fault that the girl had died. He actually felt guilt
at the action. He never felt guilt. But this past month, everyday, he was
reminded of that young witch’s death, and everyday, he felt responsible. He
was worse than Peaches. He stayed in the corner, in the dark, away from
everyone. It was where Spike felt safest, most detached.

Buffy grabbed Willow’s hand and dragged her up the stairs. She saw the look
of uncertainty in the redhead’s eyes and knew she would have to be cohersed
in. “Come on Will. No backing out now.”
“Why can’t I though? I mean, it’s my life, and if I don’t want to see
people, then so be it.”
Buffy rolled her eyes. “Now, do you really want to hurt Xander’s feeling?
He was so excited when I told him you were going out with us.”
Willow hesitated. “No....”
“Then come on. I’m starving. I want to go eat.” Buffy knocked on the door.

Spike heard the pounding on the door, and retreated further into the
darkness. Xander, answered the door, hugging Willow on sight.
“Wills! I am so glad to see you!”
Willow hugged him back, realizing how much she missed her dearest friend.
“It’s good to see you too, Xan. Giles! Anya! Riley!” All of them were
there, hugging her, letting her know exactly how loved she was.
Spike looked at Willow. She looked terrific. Buffy had chosen the outfit he
was sure. The outfit was confident and daring, everything that Spike liked.
The floral skirt was extremely feminine and flowed when she moved, perfect
for Willow. And the top was a dark green, which set off her eyes in the most
beautiful way. Her hair was up, with silver barrettes holding it in place.
She was stunning. A sight for sore eyes. He knew what he had to do. Spike
stepped out of the darkness.
Willow’s eyes met his.
 

Part 2

She had been smiling, glad to be back in the company of her closest
friends. But now, now she froze, unsure what to do. She had assumed he had
left, wanting nothing more to Sunnydale after the incident. She was wrong.

Willow had always had a slight crush on Spike. Ever since the first
time she had laid eyes on the vampire, she had thought him very sexy and he
was the center of many fantasies. But that’s it. Fantasies nothing more.
Then Oz left, and Spike came into her room, threatening to turn her and he
was around them more often, the fantasies became more frequent, but still
nothing more. She met Tara, fell in love and she was happy. Yet, the
fantasies never ceased.
It was around the time when the first slayer made its presence known that
Spike begun to hang out with their little group more. Tara in the middle of
June, had left Sunnydale to be with her parents and family. Buffy and Xander
were both busy with their significant others, and Giles was constantly off
doing various things. So it was her and Spike that always got stuck together
on patrol.
At first, patrol between the two of them would be filled with insults,
Spike making fun of her whole Wicca thing and her making fun of him being
fangless wonder he was. Then slowly, the patrols began to become fun and
both looked forward to the patrolling together. Spike told Willow about Dru
and Angelus before Sunnydale, and opened up about his relationship with the
crazy vampire. Willow told Spike about Oz and Tara and how hard the decision
had been to choose between the two of them. He had made her laugh when no
one else could and she made him forget about the implant. It was the ideal
friendship.
During this time however, the others had noticed how close the two were
becoming. Buffy was opposed to the friendship to say the least, but since
Willow was so seriously involved with Tara, she was not going to oppose the
friendship and risk upsetting Willow.
In July, however, there was a particular nasty demon named Alogara. Many
hours of their summer were spent researching this demon, and how to kill it.
Finally, it was Buffy who decided to go in for the kill. She brought Willow,
Xander, and Spike with her as backup. The demon was grotesque, and very
lethal. Buffy had to decapitate the monster in order to kill it.
Unfortunately, every time she got near the thing, it would knock her down,
leaving her worse for wear.
"Doesn’t this thing ever give up?" Buffy asked, brushing off, getting ready
to attack again.
"Actually Slutty, the Alogara demon should be saying that about you. You
are getting your ass kicked." Spike replied casually, lighting a cigarette.
"Hey! I didn’t ask for your opinion now, did I?" Buffy glared at the
vampire.
"Actually Buffy, he is kinda right." Willow offered, smiling at Spike. "We
need to go about this in another way."
Buffy sighed, and nodded. She was well aware she wasn’t going to defeat the
demon by simply attacking it head on. "I’m listening."
The four put their heads together and created a plan. Willow, using her
magic, was supposed to create a distraction, while Buffy attacked the
creature, with Spike and Xander as her backup.

"Get her outta here now!" Buffy screamed. Spike nodded, and lifted the girl
in her arms, running off to someplace where she would be safe. The demon was
not only strong, but smart. Instead of Willow just merely distracting it,
the creature attacked Buffy first, knocking her down, then went after
Willow.
Willow woke up sometime later, not quite sure where she was. She sat up,
covered in sweat, panicking. "Spike! Buffy! Xander!... Where am I?"
Spike ran over to the girl, stomping out his cigarette. "You are in the
crypt, Pet. It’s alright."
Willow held her head. "Where is everyone? Buffy, Xander, are they alright?"
"They are fine." He lied. Truth was, he had no clue if they survived or
not. The demon was one of the strongest he had seen in a long time, and the
slayer would have difficulty defeating it. "I brought you here cause you
were attacked."
"I remember the demon coming after me..." Willow looked at Spike. His blue
orbs, usually filled with contempt and hatred, were replaced with concern
and worry. She shivered. She wasn’t sure if it was from being cold, or from
the unusual look in his eyes.
"Cold, luv?"
Willow nodded. She looked at Spike with interest. He was one of her closest
friends now and only a few months before he had attempted to kill her. She
felt a stirring in the back of her heart somewhere. She decided to ignore
it.
"Well, let’s get you home." Spike lifted the girl in his arms and began to
leave.
"Spike, I can walk!" Willow weakly protested.
Spike rolled his eyes. "You were just attacked. There is no way I am
letting you walk. Either you stay here, or I carry you to your house.
Understand?"
Willow nodded.
The blond vamp smiled. "Good." He knew she could have walked home, without
any assistance from him, but since he liked the feeling of the witch in his
arms. Spike had discovered he was falling in love with the little redhead.
He hated the idea of that. In fact, he despised her even for making him feel
that way. But he couldn’t do the reasonable thing and walk away. Instead, he
stayed, being her friend. He knew there was no chance of anything happening
between the two. Willow loved that other witch, Tara.
Willow rested her head against his chest. It smelled like old leather and
cigarettes, and Willow felt extremely content to be there in his arms. She
fell asleep in only a matter of minutes, sighing against his jacket.
Spike reached the house. He nudged Willow. "Willow, I need you to invite me
in. Willow!"
Willow stirred and looked up into the vampires eyes, "Spike?"
For a second, Spike thought he saw something there that could never have
been there. He must have been imagining it. "Luv, I need you to invite me
in."
Willow nodded. "Put me down first." Spike let the redhead down. Willow put
the key in the lock and turned it. "Come in."
Spike walked in and looked around the place. It was a nice house. He said
as much. "Nice place."
Willow smiled. "Thanks." Her head throbbed. She walked into the kitchen. "I
need some aspirin."
"Let me get it, Red. You need rest. Lay down on the couch." Spike moved
past her, into the kitchen. By the time he had located the glasses and the
aspirin, Willow was again asleep on the couch. He looked at the clock. Not
even half an hour before the sun rose. He was going to have to stay there
for the day. Sighing, he brought Willow up to her room, and put the covers
over her. Spike shut the shudders and fell asleep on the couch downstairs.
Willow woke up around eleven that morning, headache still in place.
Showering and getting ready for the day, she was surprised to find Spike
sleeping, dead to the world, on her living room couch. She just stared at
the blond vampire for a while, building an image for yet another fantasy. It
was so odd to watch him like that. He didn’t move, didn’t breathe, didn’t do
anything. He was truly dead. And Willow thought him truly beautiful. She
wondered what it would have been like if Tara wasn’t around. If she would
have ever gotten involved with Spike, or chosen him over Oz. She knew that
she would have in a heartbeat. But Tara, she was special. Loving and caring,
and completely devoted to her. Yes, she loved Tara with all her might. But
this vampire, he had her completely floored. She knew that nothing would
ever work between the two of them. She made a resolution right then, to stop
any kind of fantasying about him. Besides, she was aware he only viewed her
as his next meal at best.
Willow was making some food in the kitchen when Spike finally stirred.
Willow glanced at the clock. "Late ariser, I see?"
Spike looked at the redhead and smirked. "Well, I am a vampire. You
wouldn’t happen to have any blood, would you?"
Willow scrunched her nose. "No. I wouldn’t have any blood. Eww. Would you
like anything else though?"
Spike thought for a moment. "Do you have any of those Wheat Thins? Isn’t
the same as blood mind you, but it will do."
Willow nodded. "They might be a little stale. Only my mother eats them, and
who knows how long it’s been since she has been here."
"Doesn’t matter. Did you call Buffy?"
Willow nodded. "Yep. She is just dandy. Was really glad to her from me.
They killed the demon shortly after I left. And you wouldn’t believe it."
Spike looked at her puzzled. "What?"
"It wasn’t Buffy who killed it. It was Xander. The thing was ignoring him,
thinking him harmless. So he took the axe and took off it’s head. Buffy was
in shock. Happy, but in shock."
"Good for Chubs."
Willow sighed. "Do you have to call him that?"
"Yes." Spike looked out the window and noticed that the sun had finally
set. "I think I should get going. Time to bug the old watcher, and my food."
Willow smiled at her friend. "All right. Want me to walk you?"
"Of course. I need protection from those big bad things lurking in the
corner."
Willow laughed. "Oh, so you need protection from yourself?"
"Basically. I am the Big Bad, remember?"
"Oh yes. I remember." Willow grabbed her jacket and walked out the door.
They stood on her porch for a second, while she locked up the house. Spike
leaned against the wall, his form silhouetted in the moonlight. ‘Damn he
looks nice’ she thought. ‘Willow no more thoughts about Spike. None. Got
it?’
Spike looked over at the Willow. The moonlight cast a soft glow to her
face. All he wanted to do was take her, ravage her. But he wouldn’t do that,
cause he was one big poof. "Bloody hell." He muttered as he took a stride
over to her.
Willow turned around to find Spike right there. She looked up at the
peroxide blonde, her eyes locked in his. His eyes revealed so much of what
has been troubling him. Of the possibility of a relationship that can never
be, never work, never last. The eyes reflected passion, need, and lust. And
she knew Spike saw the same in hers. His face was only inches away from
hers. This was impossible.
"What is going on here?" she whispered. She knew the answer.
"Hell if I know Red." He couldn’t take it. He leaned down.
Willow felt as if the world had exploded the moment his lips touched hers.
It was beyond anything she had ever expected. She leaned into the kiss,
wrapping her arms around Spike. This was heaven, she decided. Her fantasy
was coming true.
A cry was heard from the yard. Willow opened her eyes and looked over
Spike’s shoulder. A blonde girl stood there, crying in disbelief, a bouquet
of flowers lying on the ground forgotten.
"Tara." Willow cried.
 

Part 3

“Tara!” Willow yelled again. She pulled away from Spike, shoving him to the
ground. Willow began to walk towards Tara. “I can..I can explain.”
 Tara shook her head. “No.. No please don’t.” She glanced once more at
Willow before turning off and running into the woods near Willow’s house.
 “Shit.” Spike muttered under his breath. “Just bloody marvelous.”
 Willow was torn between chasing Tara down and letting her be by herself.
She glared at Spike. “Bloody marvelous? Is that all you can say? The person
I love is off somewhere crying cause of me and a stupid kiss that meant
nothing!”
 Spike growled, “Nothing? I think not.”
 “Yes. Read my lips. N-O-T-H-I-N-G. Nothing!”
 “Well, it certainly didn’t appear to be nothing when you were looking up at
me with those eyes, practically throwing yourself at me!”
 Willow began to laugh uncontrollably, with tears quickly welling up in her
eyes. “Throwing myself at you? At you?” Willow slid down against the siding
on her house, her arms wrapped around her legs, sobs racking her petite
frame. “I could have just lost the best thing  in my entire life and here we
are arguing! I have to find her!” Willow stood up, her body shaking.
 Spike grabbed her and steadied her before she could fall. He couldn’t
believe what he was about to say next. He was truly turning into the great
poof himself. “I’ll look for her.”
 Willow looked at him through blurry vision. “What?”
 Spike rolled his eyes. “I said, I’ll look for her. Don’t make me regret
offering.”
 Willow nodded. “Okay, you go in this direction, and I’ll go take this one.”
 Spike stepped in her way. “No. See, I don’t think you quite understand.
I’ll go find her. You are in no condition to look for her.”
 Willow shook her head. “No. I will go with you, I won’t just sit here. I
need to explain things to her...”
 Spike again rolled his eyes. “And what are you going to explain here? What?
You wanted to kiss me. Plain and simple. You would have kept kissing me too,
and more, if she hadn’t popped in. There is no explaining.”
 Willow grunted. “No. It was a mistake. An innocent kiss... I don’t have
time for this. I am looking for her...”
 Willow took off in the direction that Tara had gone in. Spike quickly
caught up. “You know that it is quite possible that the witch has gone and
taken the next bus out of Sunnydale?”
 “Shut up Spike.”
 “Or she could have gone to the Bronze to find comfort in the arms of
someone else...”
 “Spike. I. Said. Shut. Up. What don’t you understand?”
 “Okay. Fine. We’ll play it your way. Let’s go in here.” Spike pointed to
the cemetery.
 “Why would she go in here?” Willow wondered. Spike shrugged. They walked
along for awhile, neither speaking. All of the sudden, Spike stopped in his
tracks.
 “What is it?” Willow asked, noticing how tense Spike had suddenly become.
 “Shhh. Stay here. There is a vampire around here.” Spike motioned for her
to stay and walked in the direction that he felt the vampire. What he didn’t
want to tell her is that he smelt blood. Fresh blood. He turned the corner
of the crypt. He saw the fledgling vampire over the body, the girl
whimpering. “Let her go, mate.”
 The fledgling looked up, blood on his lips. He dropped the body. “This one
is mine. I made the kill. There isn’t much left anyways.”
 “I said, let the chit go. Let her go, you will die a quick death. Don’t let
her go, and I’ll torture you so much you will beg for your death to come.
And every time you beg, the torture will only be prolonged. Which is it?”
Spike looked at the fledgling menacingly.
 The fledgling knew that the vampire wasn’t joking. He could feel the power
he radiated off. But he didn’t want to die anyways. So he ran from Spike.
Spike however, caught up easily and twisted the vampires neck, dusting him
in seconds.
 Spike ran over to the girl. She had lost a lot of blood. He turned the face
over. “Willow!!!!”
 Willow heard her name called and ran as fast as she could to Spike. The
moment she saw him though, her face turned white. “Tara?”
 “She’s lost a lot of blood. I don’t know if she’ll make it. I could turn
her.”
 Willow shook her head no. She ran over to the dying girl, taking her in her
arms. “Tara? Tara can you hear me?”
 Tara looked up at Willow and nodded. “I...I... want you to know...”
 Willow rocked the girl in her arms, “No... shhh... keep your strength up.
You’ll get through this. We’ve survived much worse.”
 Tara shook her head. “I can.. I can feel myself.... I need you to know...”
 Willow began to cry yet again. “No!!! Don’t!”
 Tara took all her strength to finish the sentence. “I.. I love... I love
you. Don’t forget...”
 It was the last words Willow heard Tara speak ever again. The blonde witch
died in her arms, another victim of the Hellmouth. It began to rain. Willow
sat there, nestling the witch in her embrace, rocking her back and forth.
Willow felt as if the world had stopped.
 Spike looked down at his witch, water dripping off her body and Tara’s now
still form. “Willow- I think we should go. We’ll get the others.” He reached
out for her shoulder.
 Willow quickly turned away from him, avoiding his touch. “No. Just go.”
 “But Luv, you need to get help. It’s pouring out here.”
 “I said just go. Leave me. What don’t you understand? I don’t want to ever
here from you again. You disgust me. Now leave.” There was no emotion in her
voice, only a vague detachment from the situation.
 Spike looked at her and turned the other way. He called the watcher from a
payphone, giving him Willow’s location.
 It rained all that week. Through the wake, through the funeral, even after
when all the family and friends had finally dispersed. Willow sat there,
looking at the tombstone, rain washing over her face. May 1979- July 2000.
Such a short life. She felt a presence around her. She looked up into the
darkness. Blue eyes met green for a brief moment, and then he turned away,
leaving her.

 This time though, the blue orbs never strayed from the green. “Hello, Red.”
 

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