Cold Thoughts

Part 3 of the Feeling the Cold Series

Author: claudia6913

Pairing: W/S

Rating: NC-17

Summary: *Spoilers for AtS S5* Angel has asked Willow to come to Wolfram & Hart to help him with a little problem, namely Spike.

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Joss and Co.  I'm just borrowing.I swear I'll give them back.  *weg*

Distribution: If you have it, take it.  If not, ask and you shall receive.  My site, http://magical-worlds.us/claudia6913/index.php

Feedback: claudia6913@yahoo.com

A/N: This was written for the 'Choose Your Author' Ficathon.  Thank you whoever challenged me.  It's a blast!

Challenge:

Pairing: Willow/Spike (throw in some Angel if you want, I won't complain)
Things you want: ghost!Spike, mention of Wesley/Gunn
Things you don't want: any mention of Spuffy

Please forgive me, but I couldn't NOT mention Spuffy.  This fic called for it.  As much as I dislike the pairing myself, it needed addressing, but I tried to keep it out as much as possible.

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The muffled 'Oh God!' followed by retreating footsteps had caught the vampires off guard.  They hadn't known Willow was still at the door.

"Bloody hell, Red," Spike said, running after Willow through Angel's door.  He could just barely see her red hair bouncing as she ran down the end of the hall before she turned a corner.  Spike barreled his way through the hall, running through people and walls, trying to catch up with Willow.  'Should have made sure she'd left,' Spike thought.  'But no, had to go and run your mouth.  Now look, she's gone.'

Standing in the middle of the corridor, Spike looked around.  There was no sign of Willow anywhere.  Dejectedly, he walked back to Angel's office.

"This is all your fault, you know," Spike ranted at Angel.  "If you bloody well hadn't asked her to come here she wouldn't be having dreams for you to be eavesdropping on, and I wouldn't be standing here right now wanting her dream to come true!"

Without a backwards glance to Angel, Spike strode through the door, wanting to be as far away from Angel as he could get.

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Willow had heard Spike come running after her.  She had to get away; she just couldn't look at him.  They knew!  They knew about her dream!  Willow could feel her embarrassment burn across her face.  Quickly, she ducked into an unlocked office and leaned against the door.  Willow closed her eyes and breathed deeply.  She didn't know how she would face Angel or Spike after that and she didn't want to think about it.

"Willow, is everything alright?"  Wesley asked.  He had been startled when she'd burst into his office, but now he was worried.  She looked frightened and flushed from running.

"Oh, Wesley," Willow said, startled.  She hadn't known the office was being used.  "I'm sorry to.to uh, barge in like that.  It's just, well, we need to um, talk.about.," she said, trailing off.  She'd never been good lying and she could tell Wesley wasn't buying it.

"Hey sweetheart," Lorne said, standing up from one of the chairs in the corner.  She had obviously not seen him sitting there.  However, how anyone could miss a green demon in a bright blue suit was beyond him.

Willow yelped in surprise when Lorne spoke.  She was just a little edgy still, after fleeing from Angel's office.

"Sorry," Willow said, taking Lorne's hand and shaking it.

"It's alright, cupcake," Lorne said, smiling.  He hadn't had a chance to really talk to the girl the last time he saw her.  They were a bit preoccupied with ensouling Angel at the time, but now he gave her an appreciative once-over, spinning Willow around to see her from all sides.  Once he was done with his appraisal of her, he asked if she'd like anything to drink.

"Um, sure," Willow said softly.  She was still dazed and didn't know what to make of Lorne's appraisal, but figured she'd passed some sort of test for the demon.

"Well, while you're here Willow," Wesley said, taking a seat at his desk and motioning for Willow to sit opposite him, "why don't we discuss Spike's.condition?"

Willow took the drink Lorne handed her and took a deep drink, thankful it was plain water.  When her nerves calmed down and she was finished with the drink she looked to Wesley and smiled.  He was offering something to take her mind off the recent.embarrassment.

"Ok, what's the what?"  Willow asked, immediately getting into research mode.  She was slightly amazed at how easily it still came back to her.  It was as if it was ingrained in her, this ability to focus and put her mind in gear.  It frightened her just a bit to know that it was always there, but she didn't make this known to the two sitting near her.

"Well, it seems that we have actually no leads, besides this of course," Wesley said, taking out the rather large and extravagantly ornate amulet Spike had worn when he had closed the Hellmouth.  Willow gasped and held her hand out.  Wesley placed the amulet in her hands and watched as she examined it.

"I take it you have not held this before?"  Wesley asked, a bit surprised.

"Um, no," Willow said, focusing her attention to the metal etchings surrounding the multi-faceted amulet.  "Angel gave it to Buffy and Buffy gave it to Spike.  I actually didn't see it.ever."

"Oh, I see.  I would have thought Mr. Giles would have wanted that to be examined before using it for such a.enormous task."

"Buffy trusted Angel and Giles trusted Buffy.  Besides, there was nothing else," Willow said, remembering that day.  She closed her eyes, holding onto the amulet, its edges digging into her skin.  The memory of the spell she did flooded through her and she didn't want it to, she didn't want to feel that feeling, didn't think she deserved to.  It was bliss, it was happiness, and she didn't deserve to feel those things.  Not after everything she had done before that, all the evil that had coursed through her.

"Yes, well, I can see then how any glimmer of hope would make you.," Wesley said, his voice trailing off.  He didn't want to reprimand them, or Willow, for not checking the amulet.  Besides, he knew full well they would have found no information on it.  Dire circumstances.or so they say.

"Say cupcake, you gonna let that go anytime soon?"  Lorne asked, breaking through Willow's inner turmoil.  She looked up at him wide-eyed and embarrassed.  Lorne smiled softly at her.  There was something about her that looked like it wanted to break free, and he wasn't sure, but he could tell she would break, and soon, if she didn't just let it out naturally.  Maybe soon he could get her to sing for him.

"Sorry, so what do you know about the amulet?"  Willow asked, placing it on Wesley's desk.  Her hands hurt now, but the pain helped her to focus a bit, keep her mind where it was supposed to be.

"Little to nothing I'm afraid," Wesley said, opening one of the many manila folders on his desk.  "We do not even have a name for it.  In addition, one Lilah Morgan, a former lawyer here, gave it to Angel before he and the rest of us fully took over the firm.  Do you happen to know what the effect of this was?"

"Well, I was upstairs, doing the.the spell that brought forth all of the Slayer's powers.  But, Buffy never really spoke of it much.  I mean, I don't really know what happened.  What about Spike, does he know?  I mean, has he told you?"

Willow had always been secretly curious about this part, what Spike went through in those last moments of life, but she was afraid to ask him herself.  It wasn't something you just blithely brought up in conversation.  Like, what would you say?  'Hi, haven't seen you in a while, but I was just wondering.did it hurt when you burned to a crisp?  What were you thinking?'  Just the thought of Spike in pain and hurting brought a mist to Willow's eyes that she blinked away furiously.

"No, he hasn't, but if his entrance back into this world is anything to go by, I do not think it was pleasant," Wesley said.  "It's not a subject he oft talks about."

Nodding Willow got up and got another glass of water from the carafe sitting on a cabinet off to the side of Wesley's office.  She wanted to ask if it had looked painful, how he had come back, but she held her tongue, unsure if she even had the right to ask.  But they had called her here to help Spike, and maybe, just maybe somewhere in his entrance 'back into this world' she might find a clue as to how to cure him of his current non-corporeal problem.  Her glass full, Willow walked back to her seat and sat down.  There had to be an answer, there was an answer to everything, and if anyone could find it, she could.or so she hoped.  She had promised to help Spike and now she <i>had</i> to help him.  If not for herself, then at the very least for him.  He had, after all, saved their lives, the very ground she now walked on was probably safe due to his sacrifice.  Who knows how far the Hellmouth and those uber-vamps would have spread had he not destroyed them and closed the Hellmouth. No, this she had to do.  She would do.

"How did he come back?"  Willow asked, not quite looking at Wesley.

"Well, that is a bit difficult to explain, I'm afraid," Wesley said, sitting back in his chair.  "It's needless to say we weren't prepared for it.  A package arrived for Angel containing the amulet.  Spike's description the other day is fairly accurate.  He came from dust swirling 'round the room until it collected and formed into what you see now."

"But was the dust real?  I mean, could you feel it, or did it pass through any of you?"

"You mean was he up and kickin' before he went ghostly?"  Lorne asked.  Willow nodded.

"If it was, I didn't feel it.  I think Angel was the one closest to him, if I recall.  He would be able to tell us.  I'll just have him come by-" Wesley said, but was cut off by Willow.

"No!  I mean, no, we can ask him later," Willow said, not wanting to see Angel right then.  She felt her face flush with embarrassment, remembering exactly how it was she found herself to be in Wesley's office.

"Right, let's see what else we can think of, maybe make a list of sorts," Wesley said, pulling out a yellow legal pad from the mess that was on his desk.  Willow sighed in relief.

Wesley and Willow continued talking for hours.  Lorne had left them to it when they had begun discussing the philosophy of what had happened to Spike.  They, unfortunately, were no closer to figuring out the secret then they were when they had begun their discussion, but at least they had a few avenues to look at.

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