To my beloved,
Before you came
into my world I was many things, but I was
never happy.
I was a name with a legend behind it. I was the ‘pet’
of a crazy woman.
I was a mind with too many voices. I was a phony
character in
a
world that I
truly didn’t belong in. Before you I could have never
realized that
fitting in with
my kind wasn’t what I needed.
Since I can remember
the only thing that I ever wanted was to find
peace.
After I was turned
nothing seemed to make sense tome. I was
supposed to be this
evil demon that thrived on killing and mayhem.
The members in my
‘family’ were the most dangerous and treacherous
vampires known to
man. But it’s funny you see, I never liked the
kill or the
hunt. Now, I think
that I somehow retained some of my soul after I
was
turned. But having
a soul in my family was unacceptable, and if I
was ever
going to find my peace
in the world I first better learn to become
what I was
theoretically made
to be. So I fought to fit into the role my sire
wanted me to
be, and I fought against
my human nature. I tried to become the
fearsome,
sinful demon the world
thought I was, and that my family created me
to be. I
succeeded to push
away my humanity. I became William the Bloody.
Hell, I
even got the nickname
Spike for the way I tortured my victims with
railroad
spikes. Ever person
I killed, ever slayer I killed was to help me
find peace.But
you know what, I never
did found the peace I was looking for.
Then I met you. Now
at first I though you were nothing. You were
just some
friend of the slayer.
You were going to be just another nameless
face and
body that would go
on God’s list of people that I’ve murdered. But
this time
the slayer I had intended
to kill was too strong. Her friends were
too strong. It
was then that things
began to change. When I got the chip I
pretended that it
was the end of the
world. I pretended that it was the worst thing
that could
ever happen to a guy
like me. Secretly though, I was relived. I now
had an
excuse not to kill.
My humanity could start to resurface.
The chip was a secret
gift from the gods, but I knew that others of
my kind
would not see it as
one. They would see it as a weakness; a weakness
that
had to be destroyed.
So I went to the only person I knew of that
could keep
me safe from other
demons, the slayer. Not only would the slayer
keep me
safe, but also hanging
with her and her buddies could give me a
chance at
redemption. I mean
they gave Angel a shot, so hopefully they’d give
me a
chance too. Of course
I played the reluctant rabbit, and pretended
that I hated
ever minute of it.
Truthfully though, I started to feel as if I
might have a chance
to that peace I have
always craved. Best of all no one ever knew
what was
going on inside of
my head. After all, I have been acting for the
past hundred
'
and something years.
I began to realize,
after helping the slayer for awhile, that
fighting evil wasn’t
giving me the peace
I hoped for. It just gavea sense of pride for
helping
people. Now pride
can be a great feeling, but it’s not peace. Then
things
changed. We became
friends.
After your wolf left,
it left you feeling alone,unhappy, and
emptiness. your
friends didn’t seem
to pay attention to you,and they left you in
the dark, you
did the weirdest thing
and came to me. I don’t know what made you
do it,
but the first time
you cried your eyes to me and then gave me a
hug, I felt
something inside me
jump.
Each time we met and
talked we found out a little more about each
other,
and we recognized
that we liked what we found. You were the first
and only
person who saw the
real me. Not the demon I tried to be, but the
human that
was stuck in a bed
of lies. For every lie I made about myself, you
made two
truths to cover it
up. You were my first real friend. You helped me
become
the man I have always
wanted it to be.
The first time you
told me you loved me I could have died, again.
With your
love and guidance
I found my peace. First I thought that the only
way I could
have peacewas to fit
in and made people want to be with me. Then I
thought
that the way to have
peace was to be powerfully and sure of my
place. But
those things I had,
and they didn’t bring peace. Now I know that
peace isn’t
something I canforce
or make. My peace is you.
When I’m with you nothing
else reaches my mind. I am so happy I can
barely stand. I know
with you that anything can happen, and that
together we
can shape the world.
Things will be hard for us in the future, for
my mislead
past will always haunt
us. But I am willing to do anything and give
up
everything for a chance
to be with you. For no matter where I am,
or what’s
happening, as long
as I’m with you I will have the peace I have
spent my life
looking for.
Now that I have completed
my goal of peace, I believe its time to
make a
new goal. The new
purpose of my life is now to spend forever with
my love,
my life, my peace.
You.
Yours forever,
William James Formun