Pairing: W/S, I promise! It will just take me a while to get there
Rating: PG for now, but it should move up to R later
Disclaimer: The basic premise and characters belong to lots of people who aren't me.
Spoilers: Through "The Crush" (Joyce is alive, Dawn knows she's the key, and everyone knows that Spike loves Buffy)
Dedication: To Lady, who sent me feedback!
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~Part: 1~
Research. That's all they seemed to do any more. Ever since Dawn found out that she was the key, Buffy had been like a woman possessed. She hated that she couldn't find anything to stop Glory. She tore through vamps on patrol. No one could keep up with her. Well, no one but Spike, and he knew better than to get too close. After he had admitted his crush, the Scoobies were all a little surprised that Buffy hadn't staked him on sight. Which was probably why he was staying out of sight. Never far away, but always out of sight. He followed her on patrol, made sure she was protected when she got emotional and careless during a fight, and stayed in the shadows. Watching her. Protecting her. Loving her. Helping her the only way he could. And the rest of them helped with research, as always. They dug through book after book (or, in Willow's case, website after website) looking for some way, any way, to defeat a God.
Giles was on his fourth cup of tea that evening, and he had cleaned his glasses twenty three times. But despite these classic Gilesian actions, there was something almost Ripperish in the desperation with which he searched through the books.
Anya was watching Xander, again. She still had trouble with the whole "humanity" thing. She couldn't believe how much she loved him. She couldn't believe that he loved her. She couldn't believe that this man, her lover, teacher, only friend, was risking every thing they had to stand by his friend and fight a God. And she definitely couldn't believe that she loved him enough to stay and help. She returned to her book (boring, alas, as they all were, not to mention completely lacking in useful information) but at the same time, she reached over and squeezed his hand.
Xander's whole attention was divided between the book in his lap and the Twinkie he was shoving into his mouth, so he was surprised when he felt the warm pressure of Anya's hand on his, but he turned, smiled at her, and squeezed her hand back. Maybe he really wasn't as smart as the rest of him, or maybe he was just naïve, but he couldn't seem to believe that the world was about to end. Buffy would save the day. She always did. They would help. They always did. They would survive and triumph and somehow manage to resolve everything by the end of May, so they could have a relatively tame summer. They always did. For a man with no real religion, Xander Harris had enormous amounts of faith. He believed in his friends, his FAMILY, with all his heart and soul. They'd find a way. They just had to keep looking. He squeezed Anya's hand again, and returned to his book. And his Twinkie.
Willow's eyes were burning from hours of staring at the computer, but she refused to look away. Buffy would be finishing patrol soon. She'd come to Giles' and ask, as she did every night, if they had found something. Every night they had had to tell her no. Every night they had watched her face fall for that brief moment as she battled tears. Willow could not bear to see that look on Buffy's face. She would find an answer. She had to find an answer. She just needed to keep looking.
Tara was bored. She sat on the couch, hoping that she looked absorbed in the book in front of her, and hoping no one noticed that she hadn't turned the page in the past half hour. Of course, it wasn't likely that anyone would notice. Willow was the only one who paid any attention to her, and even that consisted mostly of an occasional smile and mouthed, "I love you" across the room. Tara wanted out of there. Out of Giles' apartment, out of Sunnydale, out of California. She wanted to go somewhere where no one had ever heard of a hellmouth. She loved Willow and wanted to be supportive but sometimes she felt like shaking some sense into the whole lot of them. How could they not realize that there is no way to defeat a God? They should be running like hell, all of them. Well, maybe not Buffy, since she was the chosen one. Let HER fight the big bad evil. That's what she was SUPPOSED to do. She was the warrior, the saving grace, the protector. Hero was in her job description. But Tara knew that she, herself, was no hero. All she wanted to do was grab Willow and run for the hills. Instead, she was stuck here, researching. Again. Reading the same dull, pointless books that had nothing new to say. No wonder she was bored. After all, it's not like any of them stood any chance of finding anything in this—
"I think I might have found something."
~Part: 2~
Everyone stopped what they were doing and turned to look at Willow who was staring, fascinated, at the screen in front of her.
Xander finally broke the silence.
"Wills? What have you got?"
"Giles, what do you know about the Orchesankians?"
"They were those witches in St Petersburg in the 1700s, right?" Anya interjected. Everyone turned now to stare at her in silence.
"What!" she said. "I've lived for a millennium and a half! I've been around, alright? And besides, one of the witches fell in love with a man in the village. He found out that she was a witch and dumped her, so she called me, and had me—"
"Yes, well, as interesting as it would no doubt be to hear more information on that," Giles interrupted, to everyone's visible relief, "perhaps we should move on. Anya's information is, however, entirely correct. But why do you want to know about the Orchesankians, Willow?"
"Do you know anyone who has a copy of their Book of the Ancients?"
"Yes, I believe I could get my hands on a copy, though it would take a few days, of course. But I must ask again, why?"
"I may be crazy here, and this may kill us all, and I haven't seen the spell, so I don't know how it would work or if it would maybe call for something we don't have like, I don't know, dragon's blood or something, and are dragons even real anyway? but since we're all probably going to die anyway, maybe it would be better to die this way and it might work, you never really know and maybe there's something that you can substitute for dragon's blood or maybe we wouldn't need it anyway `cause I was just using that as an example, and….
"Breathe, Wills. What is this thing that might kill us? I'm guessing it's some kind of spell. Am I on the right track?"
"Yes, a spell. A spell that will call The First."
"Whoa!" shouted Xander, as he jumped up and started pacing around the room. "No First. The First is that thing that nearly made Angel pull an Angelus two Christmas' ago. First equals bad. Why on earth would calling the First Evil help us?"
"Not the First Evil, Xan. The First Good. Think about it; when we had to defeat Adam, the ultimate demon, we called upon the ultimate Slayer. Now that we're fighting the ultimate evil, a.k.a. a Hell God, we need to call upon the ultimate good. The First Good."
"The First Good?" Giles questioned, moving behind her to skim what she had read. "Good Lord. If this is possible…"
"Then we could defeat Glory, save Dawn, save the world. Do you think it will work, Giles?" Willow asked.
"I'll…ah…have to get the book and see the spell. But there's a chance. Yes, there is definitely a chance. Excellent work, Willow" he said, smiling down at her, as he cleaned his glasses yet again. "I'll call my friend right now and see how we can get his copy. But until I've had a chance to look at the spell, we'd best not mention anything to Buffy. It wouldn't do to get her hopes up."
Willow's face fell. She had been looking forward to telling Buffy, imagining how her face would light up at the news. But Giles was right. They shouldn't get their hopes up. They hadn't even seen the spell yet. Willow squared her shoulders. It would work. She would MAKE it work. She was the hacker, the witch, the best friend. Fixing things was part of her job description. She'd fix this.
Giles returned a minute later. "We're in luck," he stated. "My friend will let us use the book and, furthermore, he knows someone who will be passing this way this weekend, who can bring the book with them."
"This weekend? But it's only Tuesday! Can't he just mail it? Or UPS it? It would get here much faster, and we wouldn't be putting his friend out of his way."
"No, Willow, I'm afraid the book is very powerful. It could do some real damage in inexperienced hands. It would be far too dangerous to mail it. We'll just have to wait until this weekend."
"If we've found the book we need and we can't get it till this weekend, does that mean we're done here? Xander and I would like to go home and have sex now."
"Well, we should try to keep the appearance of normalcy as much as possible for when Buffy arrives…"
"Giles, Anya is right. Why don't you let them go home? There's nothing more we can do for the next few days. Tara and I can stay here researching to keep us appearances until Buffy gets back from patrol, right, baby?"
Tara wanted to say no. She wanted to ask why Xander and Anya got to go home while she and Willow had to stay and stare at musty books for another hour. She wanted to go home and have sex, too! But even as she opened her mouth to protest, she heard the words coming out "Y-y- yeah, fine. No problem, Mr. Giles." I'm such a wuss, she berated herself mentally. One of these days, she thought, I'm going to stand up for myself. But not today. No, today, I'll return to my musty, boring book.
And that's exactly what she did. Xander and Anya said their goodbyes, Giles got himself another cup of tea, Willow returned to the computer to see what more information she could find on the Orchesankians, and Tara went back to staring blankly at her book. An hour later, Buffy dragged in. They told her they hadn't found anything new, but that they were still looking. Buffy nodded, and walked Willow and Tara home in silence.
~Part: 3~
The book arrived on Saturday. Giles had arranged to have it delivered in the morning, sending Buffy on a long patrol the night before so she would still be home, asleep, when it arrived. Giles and Willow nearly knocked heads more than once as they eagerly skimmed the contents, neither one able to wait for the other to finish before taking their turn. The book was part spell book, part journal. It described the trials the Orchesankians faced as well as detailing the spells they used to face them. There was a detailed description of the invocation of the first, and the setting in which it was used. Halfway through the description, Willow looked up eagerly, her eyes shining, and bounced over to Xander to give him a huge hug.
"It could work!" she squealed. "It could really work! The last time that the First was called, it was because Satan had raised an army! Satan! Can you imagine? There was this group of really powerful demons and they had raised Satan from a hell dimension and the world was about to end, and they did the spell and it worked!" Xander grinned back at her and they started jumping up and down together, laughing, really laughing for the first time in weeks. And then—
"Good Lord, no." said Giles. They turned to face him. His face had gone ashen.
"What, Giles? What's wrong?"
"The ritual."
"Yes, Giles, what about the ritual. Does it call for something we don't have?"
"No, Willow it's not what it needs, it's what it does that worries me. I should have known. I should have suspected."
"Giles, you're scaring me. What is it? Maybe we can work around it."
"The ritual, it calls the First to inhabit the body of the recipient. But once the First enters the body, it forces the soul out."
"So you're saying if Buffy does the ritual, we'll have an evil soulless Buffy, even though she'll still be alive?"
"No, Xander, I'm saying if Buffy does this ritual, when the soul is forced out of her, after the First is finished and has evacuated her body, she will die."
"Die?" they heard a voice from the doorway. They turned and saw Buffy standing there, with a look of shock on her face. They had no idea how much she had heard, but she had obviously caught the last part. "Giles, I have to die?"
Giles was obviously struck speechless. Xander refused to make eye contact with anyone. Willow took a deep breath, and took charge. "Giles, hand me the book" she said quietly. He did. "Buffy, have a seat, I'll explain it to you from the beginning." Buffy sat. So did Willow, next to Buffy on the couch. She took Buffy's hand. Buffy, still shell-shocked by what she had heard, was staring straight ahead. "Look at me, Buffy." Buffy didn't respond. Willow gently placed her fingers around Buffy's jaw and turned her face, so she could look her in the eye. "It will be alright, Buffy. I promise. We'll find a way to make this work."
It worked. Buffy seemed to come out of her state of shock. She gave Willow a weak smile. "What is it you've found?" she asked, quietly. Willow skimmed over the book. From what Giles had said, she had a pretty good idea about what she'd find. She sighed, closed the book, and turned to Buffy.
"About three hundred years ago, a bunch of witches in Russia had to save the world from a group of demons who had raised their leader from hell. (Best not to mention that it was Satan they had raised, Willow decided. No need to freak Buffy out.) They created a ritual that would summon the First Good, kind of like when we summoned the First Slayer. It worked. They defeated the bad guys and saved the world. I found reference to this on line last Tuesday." At this, Buffy looked like she was about to protest, so Willow was quick to continue. "We didn't want to get your hopes up until we had all the information and found out whether or not it would work against Glory. Giles had a friend send this book, which has all the information on how to perform the ritual, and how it worked before. Apparently, it works a lot like being vamped. The First takes over your body, kicking out your soul. It's still your body, but it's being run by the First. The First will target your memories to identify the enemy and then destroy it. The problem is when the enemy has been destroyed. Unlike being vamped, the First doesn't stay inside. Once the mission has been completed, the First departs, and the body is left without a soul or a demon to sustain it."
"Dead." Buffy said dully. "I'll be dead. But I'll have saved the world" she said, looking up hopefully at Willow, "I'll have saved the world, and Dawn will be safe, right? I can do that. I mean, I'm the Slayer. Isn't this how it's supposed to end?"
"Buffy, no!" Willow exclaimed. "You're NOT going to die. We're going to find a way around this."
"Willow," Giles interjected, "I'm afraid Buffy may be right. She is, after all, the Chosen One. We knew the day would come when she would give her life to save the world. Buffy, you know I love you like a daughter. You don't have to do this. It's your choice. I'll support you either way."
"Giles, don't say that! We'll find a way. What about the restoration spell? Can't we return her soul like we did to Angel?"
"No, Willow, that spell only works on vampires because the demon is still there to keep the mind from dying when the soul leaves and—"
"So you're saying a vampire could perform this ritual and survive?"
"Yes, but it would be far too dangerous for Angel to do this. We would have no way to know when it was safe to re-soul him. We'd be letting out Angelus."
"Yes" Willow said, distractedly. She had stopped listening after Giles had said yes. She was coming up with a solution. It might not work, but she had to at least try it. After all, there was a vampire right there in Sunnydale who would do anything for the slayer. And he had no soul to get in the way.
"Giles, Buffy, don't do anything drastic. I have another resource that I want to check out. How about we meet back here after lunch?" They nodded in response. Willow went to the couch to grab her purse. She leaned over to whisper in Tara's ear "I'll be back soon, baby, and I'll explain everything, I promise." She placed a quick kiss on her cheek and whispered, "I love you" before heading out the door.
~Part: 4~
Spike could hear the knocking, but he couldn't understand it. Who the hell would be knocking on the door of his crypt? The slayer always simply barged in, and he didn't know many other people who made house calls, particularly during the day. Besides, he didn't know anyone who knocked, did he? Of course, the fact that his mental processes were clouded by an enormous hangover didn't help him figure it out.
The knocking started again, slightly louder this time.
"Bloody hell, come in already, just stop the damn knocking," he yelled, and then groaned. Mental note, he told himself, no more yelling until the hangover faded. Of course, he knew that as soon as the hangover faded, he'd just start drinking again. Ever since the slayer had rejected him, he had spent most of his time trying to drown his sorrows. They were difficult to drown, but he was not one to give up easily. Hence the weeklong binge. And the hangover to end all hangovers. At least the knocking had stopped. The door opened slowly, tentatively.
"Sp-p-pike?" a soft voice said, questioningly.
"Witch." he answered, recognizing her eventually. "What do you want?"
"Are you alright?" she asked, moving closer.
"I'm hung-over, pet. So I'd appreciate it if we could move this along. So. What. Do. You. Want?"
Instead of answering, she walked over to him and laid a surprisingly gentle hand on his forehead. She closed her eyes and murmured a few words in Latin. A gentle, golden light rose from her hand and passed into him. He felt his mind clear. The hangover was gone.
"Nice trick, witch." he said. He arranged the pillows behind him and lay back against them, never taking his eyes off of her. "Have a seat," he said. She looked around, but didn't see any chairs. He gestured that she should sit on the end of the bed. She sat, stiffly. "Well, now that we're all comfortable, want to tell me why you did that?"
Willow was nervous. Very nervous. Yes, she knew Spike was chipped and he couldn't hurt her, but she had never really gotten over her fear of him. She certainly wasn't comfortable having a conversation with a vampire in a crypt, and the fact that she was sitting on his bed, with him watching her in that way he had…well, let's just say it wasn't making her more comfortable with the situation. But, she reminded herself, she was here for Buffy. She had to do this, might as well get it over with. She squared her shoulders and organized her thoughts.
"I have a proposition to make to you. As hung-over as you were when I walked in, I doubt you would have been able to understand what I was saying. It's a simple enough spell, your mind should be clear now. Is it?"
"Yes" he answered. "So, let's hear how you want to proposition me" he said, with a smirk.
Damn evil vampire. He wasn't going to make this easy on her. She had spent the whole walk over trying to come up with the perfect way to tell him, but she hadn't had much luck. Maybe it would be better to spit it out. He was starting to look impatient. But no, she had to explain. She had to find a way to make him understand.
"Buffy told me about when the two of you made the deal to stop Acathla. You said that you liked this world. That you liked England, and soccer, and all the people, `happy meals on legs,' right?" He didn't respond, so she kept going. "Well, Glory's going to end the world. Well, not end it exactly, but sort of open all the doors to hell and let in all the demons, and they'll kill everyone and destroy everything, and the world won't be over exactly, it will just be really messy and the people will be dead and I really don't think anyone will play soccer any more, except maybe the demons, and do demons even play soccer? and even if they do—"
"You're babbling again. And cute as that may be, why don't you get to the point."
He thought her babbling was cute? That was unexpected…but wait, that wasn't the point. He wanted her to get to the point.
"Right. So. Do you, um…. do you want to save the world again? Because I found a way that you could."
He raised an eyebrow, but still did not speak, so she continued. She tried not to babble, even though he did seem to think it was cute. Hmmm, she'd think more about that later.
"I found reference to a ritual, done by a group of witches in Russia in the eighteenth century. The Orchesankians, have you heard of them?" Still no response. She continued. "They channeled the First Good, and managed to defeat a group of demons."
"An army." he said quietly.
"What?"
"It wasn't just a group of demons, it was an army. They had raised Lucifer from hell, and he was building an army to take over the earth. The witch who performed the ritual faced Lucifer in single combat and drove him back into hell. Without him, the demon army crumbled. The blokes he picked were big and strong, but not too bright. They couldn't tie their shoes on their own, much less take over the world." He hadn't moved through is speech, staying reclined against the pillows. But at this point, he started the slowly pull himself forward. "But the witch who performed the spell was human. A damn powerful human and a hell of a fighter, even without the powers, but still a human." He started to slide forward on the bed, toward the spot where Willow sat, frozen, like a deer in headlights, unable to move. "And so, WITCH" he said, practically on top of her at this point, "I don't quite see how you need me to save the world." He could hear her heart pounding. He knew it was petty, but he loved to play with the little witch. It was so easy to twist her into knots. He was enjoying her reaction to him, but he realized that if he kept this up, he'd never get the answers he wanted out of her. He sat back, still close to her, but no longer on top of her. "Well?" he finally asked, when the silence had lasted too long for his impatient nature. "Are you going to tell me or just sit there and stare?"
Willow abruptly snapped out of her trance. She knew she must look like an idiot, sitting there, staring at Spike. But he did have the most beautiful eyes, and when they were focused right on you, you became aware of the incredible intensity behind them and it was… breathtaking. Spike was breathtaking. Not that she was interested! NO! Of course she wasn't interested! She had Tara, she was happy with Tara, she was gay now! She could just appreciate his beauty…like…um… Michelangelo's David! Yes! She thought it was beautiful, but she definitely wasn't attracted to it, after all, it was just a chunk of stone, marble probably and *I bet Spike feels like marble, smooth and hard and cold* her subconscious teased her, NO!! BAD WILLOW!! Now was not the time to be regressing to that old crush she used to have on Spike. She took a deep breath, pulled herself off the bed and stood, nervously next to it, bracing herself for what she was about to tell Spike.
"She died. The witch who performed the spell. She saved the world, but it killed her. A mortal can't survive the ritual, only a demon could live through it."
"And why is that?"
"The ritual, it calls for possession by the First. And when the first takes possession of the body—"
"It kicks out the soul." Spike answered for her.
"Yes." she answered, pleased that he understood.
"So you thought you'd come running to the soulless demon who's the slayer's little lapdog and he'd jump at the chance to save the world."
"Well," stammered Willow, "yeah."
"So I guess you'll be pretty disappointed when I tell you that my answer is no."
"N-n-no? B-b-but, I thought…"
"You thought I'd be thrilled to do something for the slayer, delighted to put my unlife at risk to save her AGAIN without even a bloody THANK YOU, that I'd do anything on the chance, just the CHANCE that she might look at me with something other than DISGUST" Spike had gotten up now and was pacing around the crypt, as his voice grew steadily louder "And if that's how she bloody well feels then she can see how far she gets saving the world without me, without me there to protect her, take care of her" Spike's voice started to break and suddenly grew soft as he stopped pacing and stood, with his back to Willow, "to love her." His shoulders slumped. "Do you know what she said to me, witch? When I offered her Dru's heart on a platter, offered to give up everything I've ever had or wanted just to please her? When I told her she was my whole world and I'd do anything for her, she told me…that the only chance I had with her…was when she was unconscious."
His voice was soft, Willow could barely hear it, but she couldn't miss the bitterness behind the words. Her eyes widened. Buffy had told her what had happened, but it appeared she had left out some details. Willow couldn't believe Buffy had been so unfeeling. A rush of sympathy washed over her and she started to approach the vampire, to try and comfort him, but he started talking again.
"And now you think I'll save the world for her? What good would it do me? No, witch" he said, turning to face her. "My answer is no."
He meant it. She could tell. She shifted into beg mode.
"Spike, please reconsider. At least think about it. What do I have to say to make you say you'll think about it?"
She saw a spark rise in his eye, and felt a shiver of apprehension. He was forming a plan. This was bad. Spike's plans usually led to trouble. Oh, Goddess, what was she getting herself into?
"Alright, pet, I'll think about it" he said, his voice smooth as silk, all traces of bitterness hidden as he smirked at her "but you think about this. I'll agree to do the ritual on one condition."
Here he paused, and Willow got even more nervous. This would not be a good condition. She could tell. Dear Heavens, what was he going to ask? Wild speculations flew through her head, but were silenced a moment later when he once again began to speak.
"My condition is…the slayer… will have… to perform… the ritual of a Tzeranza Bonding. She'll have to bind herself to me" he said, his voice once again growing softer and Willow could tell he was talking to himself more than to her, "she'll burn for me. See how it bloody well feels to need someone that—" Abruptly, he pulled himself back together. "Tell her, witch. The Tzeranza Bonding. That's the only way I'll do it."
"Tzeranza Bonding? But I don't know what that is!"
"The watcher will know." he said, dismissing her. He returned to his bed, and reclined again, lighting a cigarette. "Run along now, little witch. Run along."
Willow opened her mouth to reply, but realized she had nothing to say. She gathered herself together and headed outside where she stood still for a moment, dazzled by the sunlight, and dazed by her conversation. And then she headed for Giles.
~Part: 5~
"…and then he said he'd perform the ritual if Buffy agreed to perform the ritual of a Tzeranza Bonding. He said you'd know what that means." Willow concluded.
The meeting with Spike hadn't taken as long as she planned, so Giles had been the only one there when she returned to the watcher's apartment. Willow had been relieved. She wanted an explanation of the bonding before everyone else showed up. She had explained her entire conversation to Giles (though she had left out the part where he said her babbling was cute. That was something for her to think about later, on her own). He had been more than a bit put out that she had gone to Spike for help, but he understood her reasoning. Then she had stated Spike's condition. For a moment, there was absolute silence. Then, to her absolute shock, Willow watched as Giles headed over to a cabinet and pulled out a bottle of Scotch. Oh, Goddess, this was bad. Well, it's not like she had expected it to be good; after all, Spike's plans were rarely the kind that had the good guys jumping up and down with joy, but this reaction was a little…extreme…even given the situation.
"Giles?" she said, hesitantly. "Um, Giles?" she repeated, a little louder, as she watched him search for a glass. "Giles!" she yelled, when she saw him give up on a glass and start chugging the Scotch straight out of the bottle. She ran over to him and jerked the bottle out of his hand. "Giles, if you don't start telling me what the Tzeranza Bonding is in the next five seconds, then so help me Goddess, I'll—"
"The Tzeranza Bonding will bind Buffy to Spike." Giles said quietly.
"Yeah, Giles, I sort of picked up on that with the whole `bonding' thing being part of the name. That doesn't answer my question. What kind of bond are we talking about?"
"The Tzeranza Bonding targets the body. Buffy will need him, crave him, be unable to survive without him. But unlike other bonding ceremonies, it doesn't touch the mind. She'll still hate him, despise him, be disgusted by his very presence but she'll be unable to stand being separated from him."
Willow remembered Spike's voice just before she had left the crypt "… she'll burn for me. See how it bloody well feels to need someone that…" that what? But wait, what was the rest of what Giles had said?
"What kind of need are we talking about here, Giles? When you say need, do you mean that she'll *need* him to…um…well…" Willow blushed furiously and was unable to continue.
Giles looked bewildered for a minute, but soon caught on to her implication. Then he, as well, began to blush and stammer. "No!…ah… decidedly not…that is to say,…what she will…ahem…require…is to be near him. No…ah…physical contact is required."
"So she'll have to be near Spike? All the time? And what about him, will he have the same need to be around her?"
Giles seemed glad to have moved past the more…ahem…intimate questions and eagerly entered into a more technical discussion.
"The recorded cases of the Tzeranza Bonding are sadly under- documented, but from what I understand, the object of the bond; in this case, it would be Spike; will act on her system as a type of drug. When she is near him, she will feel and behave perfectly normally. But the longer she is away from him, the more uncomfortable she will become. At first, it will be merely a restlessness. From there, it will grow into a low grade fever. The fever will increase steadily if she does not see him. Eventually, it will drain all her strength. The fever could, conceivably, kill her. But the most distressing thing about the bond is that it is completely one sided. Spike would not feel even minor discomfort while Buffy was quite literally dying for him."
"She wouldn't." Willow answered abruptly.
Giles was caught off guard.
"I beg your pardon?"
"She wouldn't be dying for him. He wouldn't let it go that far. He doesn't want to kill her. If he killed her or even simply allowed her to die, it would be over. It's the pain that he wants. He wants her to burn for him, to need him, crave him, be unable to survive without him" *like he does for her* she added silently "…forever. And it is forever, isn't it, Giles? Once the bond is formed, can it ever be broken?"
"Technically speaking, the bond can be broken, but not by any outside forces. The only way Spike would lose his hold over Buffy was if he voluntarily chose to give it up."
"Buffy would rather die." Willow stated sadly. It was almost laughable. How many times a day was that expression used? How many girls, at that exact moment, were saying that they'd "rather die" than take that Chemistry test, or wear that dress their mother picked out? Why couldn't their important decisions be on that scale? But no, if Buffy would, truly, rather die than be bonded to Spike (and Willow had no doubt what Buffy's choice would be) then in no time at all, Buffy would be really, truly, literally and everlastingly dead. Willow felt her resolve face slip into place. She had yet another idea.
"Buffy has four options." Willow stated to Giles. "She can accept and be bonded to Spike. She can refuse and undergo the ritual herself, which she knows will kill her. She can wait it out and hope we find another solution, which isn't very likely. Or…"
"Yes, Willow? What is it? What's the fourth option?"
But Willow shook her head. "I have another plan, Giles. But this isn't something I can decide on by myself. We need to call the gang." Giles opened his mouth to interrupt. "I know that they'll be here soon, anyway, but I'm tired of waiting. We need to get this resolved. Why don't you call Xander and Anya, and I'll use my cell to call Tara and then Buffy?"
Giles looked prepared to argue, to insist on an explanation, but he stopped himself. He knew that it would be pointless to argue with Willow when she was wearing the resolve face. He'd simply be wasting his time. Once everyone got there, they'd find out what the fourth option was. He had a very strong feeling that he wasn't going to like it. He knew that Willow was contemplating some insanity to save Buffy. He just hoped he'd be able to argue his way around the resolve face when the "solution" was finally heard.
~Part: 6~
Xander and Anya showed up first. Xander, of course, was impatient to know what was going on, but Anya soon had him sufficiently distracted to the point where Willow was able to avoid his questions. Buffy showed up next. She looked pale and sad, but resigned. Willow knew she was getting herself ready to die.
Tara was the last to show up. She hadn't intended to be late. Truth be told, she hadn't intended to come. She had decided to put her foot down and tell Willow that she couldn't handle this anymore. After all, they had found the ritual. Buffy would be able to save the world. Buffy was going to die, it was *inevitable*! What was the good in sticking around to watch? They should get out of there while they still could.
She had spent all morning after Willow went to explore her "other option" planning out exactly how she would explain all of this to Willow the next time they talked. But when Willow called and told her to meet the rest of the gang at Giles', she had crumbled again. She had walked slowly, giving herself a pep talk as she went, growing increasingly determined to have it out with Willow. But as soon as she saw the rest of the gang, she shrank back into herself, as always. After all, she reasoned, the conversation would keep until they were alone.
"Well, Wills, the gang's all here. What's the sitch?" Xander asked, before Tara had even had a chance to sit down. Willow flashed Tara an apologetic smile and took her hand to pull her down on the couch next to her. She held on to her hand, tracing small circles on the back of it with her thumb, and she began to explain to the group.
"Okay, first, I want everyone to promise that you won't interrupt until I'm finished. I have a lot to say, and you're probably not going to like most of it but hear me out before you say anything. Agreed?"
They nodded their agreement, and she continued.
"After Giles said that the ritual would work on a vampire without killing him, I went to see Spike." Willow saw Xander and Buffy about to protest and raised her hand in a warning signal. "Not till I'm finished. You promised." Reluctantly, they nodded. "I told him about the ritual. He'd heard of it before. He said that he could do it, but he had one condition. Now, before you freak out, let me just say that this condition is not an option, and I fully plan to tell Spike the same thing."
"Tell them the condition, Willow. They have the right to know."
"I know they do, Giles. Please, no interruptions. I need to get through this. Spike's condition was that Buffy undergo the Tzeranza Bonding ritual with him. According to Giles, this ritual would require Buffy to spend time near Spike on pretty much a daily basis. If she avoided him or if he avoided her, it could make her seriously ill." Willow watched the look of disgust cross Buffy's face and felt a momentary spurt of annoyance. After all, Spike came to the Scooby meeting and helped in research and patrolling. Buffy had even had him watch over her family on a few occasions. She obviously didn't find his presence distasteful when she needed to use him for something.
"Now, I know that that's not an option." Willow continued. "But it gave me an idea. Maybe the only thing in the world that Spike wants more than Buffy is to get rid of the chip in his head. I think we can figure out how to do it. And I think he'd agree to do the ritual if we agreed to take out the chip once it was over." Willow rushed on ahead before anyone had the chance to react. "It's really a win-win situation, if you think about it. The chip is bound to break down some day when we least expect it. If we're the ones to take it out, at least we'll have prior warning and can un-invite him from all of our houses. Besides, he has ruined his rep in Sunnydale by falling in love with the slayer. Once the chip is out, he'll probably head out of town. And if he chooses to stay, Buffy can dust him without feeling guilty about him being unable to defend himself. Either way, we'll be rid of him, and we'll be rid of Glory. The ritual won't hurt him and he's a strong enough fighter to be able to pull it off. We save the world, get rid of Spike in a guilt-free way, and Buffy and Dawn get to live happily ever after."
Willow stopped there and waited for their reactions. Silence.
"Oh yeah, that's it. I'm done. You can talk now."
"Buffy, don't slay me, but…I think it's a good idea." Xander stated, tentatively.
"So do I." Anya added quickly.
Willow saw Giles nodding his head in agreement and saw Tara flash her a small smile. Hesitantly, she turned to Buffy to see her reaction.
"Willow," the slayer said quietly, "You've found a way to save the world, keep me and Dawn alive, and get rid of Spike. Have I told you lately that you're a genius?" and with a big grin (the first real grin Willow had seen from her in longer than she cared to remember), she rushed over to Willow and drew her into a huge hug.
Willow felt close to tears. This was actually going to work. She hugged Buffy back. This was going to work. She pulled away and smiled at the slayer.
"I'll go tell Spike."
"Willow, are you sure you should go alone to talk to him? Maybe I should come with you."
"Buffy, it's alright. Spike can't hurt me. It's broad daylight outside, so I'm not worried about getting attacked by someone else in the cemetery. Besides, maybe it's best if Spike doesn't see you when he's told his options."
Buffy looked inclined to argue, but even she couldn't deny that Willow was right. Besides, the less time she spent with Spike, the happier she was.
"Alright, then, but hurry. When you get back, we need to celebrate!"
Willow laughed and turned to Tara. "I'll be back soon, baby. And then we can head home and spend the night in. I'm pretty sure Giles will give us the night off" she said with a smirk, looking over at the watcher. "Just think! No research, no patrol, just the two of us." And she flashed Tara that special smile of hers, the one that showed how ecstatic she was at the idea of spending time with the person she loved. Tara smiled back, hesitantly, and opened her mouth to speak. But before she had a chance to figure out what she wanted to say, Willow had given her a quick kiss on the cheek, grabbed her purse, and headed out the door.
Willow started humming as she walked toward the cemetery. Finally, she had a solution that would please everyone. Buffy would be happy, Dawn would be happy, even Spike would be happy! (She had a momentary pang of concern for the innocent people who would be victimized by Spike's newfound ability to be "happy" but she quenched it immediately. Spike had been a bloodsucking vampire for a hundred years before she had even been born. She refused to feel accountable for his victims. Besides, she had meant it when she said the chip could short out any day, unexpectedly. With the collapse of the Initiative, she was actually surprised it hadn't happened already.) Joy all around.
She was so happy, she forgot one essential fact. She forgot that she was dealing with Spike. The same Spike, who in the four years they had known him, had never ceased to surprise them with his unexpected behavior. The same Spike who would not be pleased that his offer had been refused. The same Spike who would, no doubt, have some ideas of his own about the terms of his agreement. She forgot all of this. But she would be reminded soon enough.
~Part: 7~
This time, when Spike heard the knocking on the crypt door, he knew what to expect. He had wondered how long her little meeting with the watcher and the slayer would take. Truth be told, he was surprised she was back this quickly. He frowned to himself, wondering if the speed made it more likely or less likely that the slayer would agree to his demands. He shook his head abruptly. No point in wasting time wondering when there was a little redhead right on the other side of the door with all of the answers that he needed.
"Come in, witch!" he yelled, then smiled. That hangover-be-gone spell she had performed had really done the trick. With all the drinking he had been doing lately, it had been days since he had been able to yell without a headache.
The door slowly opened, revealing one very nervous witch. He watched with growing impatience as she stayed near the door, obviously hesitant about moving forward.
"Shut the bloody door, pet, and come all the way in. Wouldn't want the pesky sunlight to ruin our conversation."
Obedient little thing, isn't she? he thought to himself as she shut the door quickly and scurried further into the crypt.
"So, witch," he said, trying to keep the hope and anticipation out of his voice, "what's the verdict? Will we be having a bonded slayer or a dead slayer?"
"What if I said there was a third option?" Willow asked quietly.
"I told you those were the only two options I would consider." Spike growled. This was not going well. The slayer's answer must have been no. He should have known. No matter what he did to prove his devotion to her, no matter how hard he tried to get her to see him as something other than a monster, she would still rather be dead than have any kind of need for him. He turned away from Willow. He needed another drink.
Willow was growing annoyed. She was sick of walking into a room and having the men automatically go for the alcohol. Moving with new determination, she rushed forward and stepped in front of Spike. She blocked him from his stash of booze, looking him straight in the eye as she said:
"Here me out, Spike. It won't take long. There will still be plenty of the night left to get drunk in."
Surprised at her sudden show of spirit, Spike took a step back. Willow shivered as she watched him scan his eyes over her, evaluating her, slowly and deliberately.
"Such spirit, pet. Didn't know you had it in you. What else have you been hiding?" He started to circle her, checking her out from every side. She kept her eyes facing forward, resisting the temptation to turn to watch him. She could feel his eyes on her and tried to ignore the effect that they had on her, the effect that *he* had on her.
He could hear her heart rate pick up as he dragged out the silence, and hid a smile. She was more entertaining than alcohol anyway. Besides, she was right. He could still get plastered once she left. "Alright, then. What's the third option?"
"What if I offered you a trade?"
"What do you have that I want?" he asked, still circling.
"What if I could disable the chip? Would that be worth it?"
He stopped abruptly. "What did you say?"
It so happened he had stopped almost directly behind her. Willow turned slowly and looked him in the eye once again. She took a step closer, maintaining eye contact. She didn't even blink.
"If I could disable the chip, would you agree to perform the ritual?"
His eyes pierced into hers, as if he was trying to read her soul. Whatever it is he saw, it obviously surprised him.
"Bloody hell. You really mean it, don't you?" he whispered. She nodded, silently, still holding his gaze unblinkingly.
"I need a drink" she heard him mumble as he walked over to his bottles of alcohol once again. He twisted the top of a bottle of scotch and took a swig. "Want some, pet?" he offered derisively, fully expecting her to say no.
"Make it a double." she replied, going to sit on the end of the bed. She had a feeling that this conversation was going to take a while. She might as well get comfortable. And goodness knows that in the situation she was in, it would take a double shot of whiskey at the very least to get her feeling comfortable.
Spike recovered from his surprise quickly and seated himself next to her on the edge of the bed. Silently, he offered her the bottle. She looked at it in obvious distaste.
"Don't you have any glasses?"
"Never bother with them, myself. Never saw the need. After all, it's not like I need to worry about catching anyone's germs."
He had a point, Willow reasoned. Oh, what the hell. Life is short, especially on the hellmouth. She took a swig. She winced as the harsh alcohol hit her throat, but she felt the warmth of it burn all the way down. It was nice to feel some warmth; the crypt was freezing. She was busy wondering if the cold ever bothered Spike, or if he could even feel it, when he spoke again.
"Do you know how to disable my chip?"
She sighed. Back to business. "No. I don't. But before you say anything, I know that I could find a way. There isn't much I don't know about computers. Not to mention, I could always do a spell, if it came to that. I promise you, Spike. If you save the world, I'll get rid of that chip."
The chit was out of her mind if she thought he'd let her do another spell on him. Although now, looking back, having the slayer in love with him was not such a bad memory to have. He shook his head. No, no more spells for Spikey. Knowing his luck, this time he'd end up engaged to the moron. He shivered at the prospect. The technology route seemed safer. There was no denying the witch knew her way around a computer. But still, why wait? He eyed the bottle and noted the size of the drink she had taken. She seemed the type to have pretty low tolerance. Maybe she'd be open to a little… suggestion?
"Why not get rid of it first? I'll save the world once it's gone. That way, if I die saving the world, you'll have the comfort of knowing that you paid all of your debts."
"I'm not that drunk, Spike. I could never get the others to agree to that."
He looked up at her in surprise. Did she realize what she had just said? Or had he heard her wrong? "You'd never get the others…does that mean that you'd agree to it?"
"Sure" she said, reaching for the bottle and taking another swig, oblivious to the shocked expression on his face.
"You would trust a vampire to keep their word?" he asked with a hint of derision in his tone. And she was supposed to be the smart one! She was just too bloody innocent for her own good.
"I don't" she answered. Ah, yes, well, that made more sense, he thought. "I trust you to act in your own best interest. The one time you gave Buffy your word, that you would turn against Angelus, you kept it. Not because you would never break your word, but because you wanted to be rid of Angelus as much as she did."
She had a point.
"Why do you think I'd keep my word about this?"
"Once you get that chip out, you have over a year of fighting and biting and torturing humans to make up for. I'm kinda thinking you wouldn't want the world to end and spoil all of your fun."
Yes, she had a *very* good point. Once he got that blasted chip out he wasn't about to let some whacked-out goddess ruin his nice, tasty world. But there was still one problem.
"You lot won't trust my promise. Fair enough, no real reason why you should. But it begs the question, why should I trust you?"
She looked at him, confused. "I don't understand."
Maybe it had been a mistake letting her drink so much. Oh, well, no use crying over spilt scotch. "If I do the ritual, if I save the world, how do I know you'll keep your word and take out the chip? None of you have seemed too eager to do anything about the chip so far. Why should I trust you?"
She blinked. She opened her mouth, and then shut it again. He was right. There was no reason why he should trust them. Well, they were the good guys and the good guys, historically speaking, usually kept their word, but she really didn't think he'd buy that. No reason why he should, she reminded herself. He's a soulless demon, the only reasoning he understands is self-interest. And he's right, it wouldn't be in our best interests to have him running around unchipped. That's why we haven't done anything about it so far.
Spike could literally see her mind working. It was an interesting sight to watch. Even drunk, and he had no doubt that she was drunk by now, she still thought things out so carefully. So very carefully, in fact, that she seemed hardly aware of Spike at all. If she had been watching him at that moment, she would have noticed the spark that suddenly came into his eye. The spark that always meant he had an idea. But she missed it.
"In order for me to trust you, I'd have to believe that you wanted the chip out, right?"
"Right" she agreed automatically.
"In order for me to believe that you wanted the chip out, I'd have to know that you have some incentive, some reason to be pleased that the chip would come out, right?"
"Right" she agreed.
"In order for you to be pleased that the chip would come out, I'd have to have something you wanted that you wouldn't get until the chip was out, right?"
"Right" she said, after a brief hesitation. She had no idea where this was going. But everything he had said so far made sense.
"So if one of your little group was bonded to me and I agreed to remove the bonding once the chip was removed, then we'd both get what we wanted, wouldn't we?"
"Right…wait, what? No! No bonding, I already told you that Buffy would rather die than be bonded to you."
He winced at her word choice. Yes, he knew Buffy would rather be dead than bonded to him, but did she have to point it out so bluntly?
"I didn't say Buffy, now did I, pet?"
"If not Buffy, than who?"
He smiled, that predatory smile of his that always sent shivers down her spine. Whatever the answer was, she knew she wouldn't like it.
"You."
~Part: 8~
Too much alcohol, she thought. That was the only explanation. Could alcohol make you hallucinate? Because there was no way that Spike had just said what she thought he said. It must be the alcohol.
"What?" she finally managed to say.
He was relieved to hear her speak. For a moment, he had thought she was on the verge of hyperventilating.
"It's called a trade, love. I get something I want, you get something you want, and everyone is happy."
"You want… me?" she asked, still obviously bewildered.
"No."
"Oh." she said, wondering why she felt disappointed.
"I want Buffy. I want this bloody chip out of my head. I want to watch Angelus' ashes blow away in the wind. I want the Gem of Amara back on my finger. I want the Bronze to put the blooming onion back on their menu. And I want to get the hell away from this fucking Hellmouth with my unlife still intact. But since I can't have everything that I want, I suppose I'll have to settle for what I can get."
"And what, exactly, are you planning to get?"
"Here's my offer, pet. No bargains, alterations, or negotiations. You bind yourself to me. I save the world. You find out how to get rid of the chip. I free you, you free me, and I get the hell out of town. Do we have a deal?"
So that was it. For a moment, she had worried *or was it hoped?* (her subconscious asked) no, WORRIED, definitely worried, that Spike had decided to bind her to him, forever. Just like the attack in the dorm room. He couldn't have Buffy so he'd settle for Willow. He'd make her his, forever. The thought made her shiver. She didn't allow herself to analyze why. But it didn't matter. Apparently, an eternity with Willow wasn't his plan.
"You free me? I thought the whole point of the bond was that it was forever?"
"Doesn't have to be. I can free you whenever I choose; you just can't free yourself."
Willow understood. If Buffy bound herself to him, he would never let her go. But binding himself to Willow would be different. The bond would be driven by necessity, not desire. He'd hold her hostage, making sure that she needed him, couldn't survive without him, to guarantee that her friends would do all they could to keep their word to him.
"Why do I have to bind myself to you? We'll take the chip out, you have my word."
"I don't want your word, I want your bond. Your little friends will be a sight more helpful disabling a chip if they know it's the only way to free you from me."
"And as an added bonus, being around me means being around Buffy, yes?"
He raised an eyebrow at her, before answering, calmly, "Yes."
Willow balanced the pros and cons in her head. Being… bound… wasn't precisely a situation she wanted to be in, but it did sound like the only way Spike would agree.
Willow sighed. She knew that Spike would not be shaken from his terms. She stole a glance over to him, thankful to see that his back was to her as he searched for a cigarette. She watched him for a moment. Drunk, again. He hadn't been taking care of himself. His clothes, his hair, his home, his everything was as much of a mess as was conceivably possible. She followed his movements, watching him in profile as he smoothly lit the cigarette and took a long pull, nonchalantly. No matter how drunk he got, no matter how much of a mess he made of things, no matter how low he let himself sink, there was always a part of him that simply would not break. She sighed again. He meant it when he said no negotiation. She figured she might as well get it over with.
"So do we do this tonight?"
"What?" he answered, spinning around to face her. She almost laughed at the look of unbridled shock on his face. Not even on the night when he discovered he couldn't bite had she seen him taken so thoroughly by surprise.
"The binding. I thought we could do it tonight. Get it over with. Why, do you have plans?"
"Then your answer is yes?"
"My answer is yes. I accept your offer." She held her hand out to shake his. He looked at her hand, then looked her back in the eye and raised his eyebrow again.
"I-I-it's a h-h-human thing. You know, shake it on?" Willow stammered, annoyed at herself for letting him fluster her so much with just an eyebrow.
"We could always bite on it, if you like." he smirked. "It's a vampire thing."
"I think I'll pass." Willow muttered to herself, then began gathering her things. "I'd better go." she said. "I have to tell the gang what we agreed on and then get all the ingredients for the ritual. I should be back around 8:00. Does that work for you?"
Spike had settled himself back on his bed with his cigarette in one hand and a fresh bottle in the other.
"Fine with ME, pet. I'LL be here."
Willow had been almost to the door, but she turned around, startled at his tone of voice.
"Why don't you think I'll be here? I told you, I'll be back around 8:00."
"That's what you say now. But then you'll go back to your friends and they'll tell you that you couldn't possibly bind yourself to a demon and you'll nod and agree like a good little girl and that" he said, opening the new bottle "will be the end of that." And he took a sizable drink.
Willow walked back over to the bed, slowly. When she was standing alongside Spike, she began speaking, very quietly, in a tone as finely honed as a razor.
"You may be a hundred years older than me, Spike, but I've been saving the world since I was fifteen and I allow no one to treat me like a child. I gave you my word and I will keep it. And if I lose every friend I have, then so be it. I WILL bind myself to you, you WILL save the world, and I WILL remove your chip. It begins tonight. I'll be here at 8:00." And with that, she stalked off to the door and pulled it open. She stood in the doorway for a moment, and he saw her outlined in the sunlight, as she turned back.
"Try to be sober."
Then the door slammed, and she was gone.
Spike took another drink and thought of what had just happened.
"I'll be damned." he said. "The little chit has spunk."
He took another drink. And then another. Then he remembered what she had said about being sober for the ritual. She was right, if he was drunk and said the wrong thing, it would screw everything up. With a grunt of annoyance, he threw the bottle at the door, taking a moment of satisfaction in the sound of the breaking glass as it shattered on impact.
"I hate spunk." he growled, before rolling over, and going to sleep.
~Part: 9~
"Have you taken leave of your senses?"
"Are you nuts?"
"Are you possessed?"
"Oooh, that'd be neat. ARE you possessed?"
"Xander, I'm not possessed. Sorry to disappoint you, Anya. Buffy, I'm not nuts, and Giles, I'm in full command of my senses. This is sane, sensible Willow talking. You have to hear me out, and this time, let me finish! I'm not saying this is the best option, I'm saying it's the only option. Can we all please sit back down and discuss this now?"
Three mouths shut abruptly as Giles, Xander, and Buffy sat back down. Anya and Tara had stayed seated. Once everyone was settled again, Willow seated herself as well and began to explain.
"It's not a permanent thing. He doesn't trust us to take out the chip. He's RIGHT not to trust us. We don't WANT to take out the chip. If we did, we'd have figured out how to do it by now. Agreed?"
No response. Giles, Xander, and Buffy studiously avoided making eye contact.
"Agreed?" Willow asked, a little louder. There were muttered grunts of agreement.
"So this is a temporary thing, just until we find a way to get rid of the chip. Then he frees me, I free him, and we never have to see him again."
"Willow, when you described Spike's, ah, motivation for the bonding with Buffy, it didn't sound like something you'd, well, wish to try for yourself." Giles stated, as unobtrusively as he could. Giles knew that Willow was annoyed and had no wish to rile her further, but he did not understand how she could agree to such a thing.
"Giles, Spike's motivation for bonding Buffy and his motivation for bonding me are two very different things. He doesn't want me to suffer."
"Oh yeah, because he's such a nice guy!" Xander muttered.
Willow threw him a dirty look. "No, Xander, because he's SMART. He wants that chip out, and he knows that I'm the one who can do it. Let's face it, I'm the technology person in the group. If I'm suffering, I can't be researching. Besides, he has no reason to want to hurt me. I don't make fun of him and I stay out of his way. I'm not important enough to him for him to want to hurt me. I don't even think he knows my name!" Willow paused as she processed what she had just said. It was true, she realized. She WASN'T sure if Spike knew her name. She couldn't think of single time when he had called her Willow. He always called her witch, or pet. She wondered, briefly, what his voice would sound like saying her name. Then she dragged her thoughts back to the topic at hand.
"I don't like the idea of letting Spike into our lives like this." Buffy stated, stubbornly.
Willow took a deep breath and struggled to stay calm.
"Buffy, he's IN our lives. He's BEEN in our lives for MONTHS now. He has saved the life of everyone in this room at least once, and we've saved his. He's lived with us, in our homes, BONDING WITH OUR FAMILIES in some cases, and watching us while we ate, slept, researched, fought… everything. This isn't letting him in to our lives, this is getting him out of them. After this, it's over. End of Spike. AND, lest we forget, end of Glory! If we throw this out the window then we're back at square one. Spike has made up his mind. This is his final offer. And, I gave him my word."
Buffy sighed. Giles sighed. Xander sighed. Anya, with a confused look on her face, tugged Xander's sleeve and whispered loudly, "Should I sigh, too? Everyone else is."
"You're right." Giles said, quietly.
"Yeah." Buffy and Xander added, quietly as well.
"Good for you!" Anya stated brightly, trying to be part of the moment.
Tara could not believe her ears. She had been quietly fuming since Willow had gone to Spike's. Everyone else had been in such a good mood, so happy that the problem was almost solved, and no one had even noticed that Tara was furious that Willow was going to Spike's crypt, AGAIN. When Willow had returned and explained the ultimatum, Tara had felt like screaming. No way in hell would she let Willow agree to that! But she had kept her mouth shut. She was sure that Buffy and Xander would talk Willow out of it. When she heard them giving in, she realized that the moment had come. All her practicing and planning came down to this. She finally had to stand up for herself. She took a deep breath, and stood.
"No." she said. "I refuse to take any more of this."
Everyone turned to look at her with expressions of pure confusion. If it hadn't been such an important moment, Tara would have been tempted to giggle. Everyone seemed shocked that she actually possessed the ability to speak. And without stuttering, no less!
"Tara? Tara, baby, what is it? What's wrong?" Willow's look wasn't surprised, just worried. Tara felt her heart soften a little at the concern in Willow's face. She knew that Willow loved her. She was almost tempted to give in, sit back down, go with the flow, like always, but she steeled herself against the impulse. Willow was always trying to get her to stand up for herself. Well, this was her chance. This time, she was going to stand up and say what she thought. She knew that if she didn't do it now, she never would.
"I've tried, Willow." she said, ignoring the others and focusing solely on the woman she loved. "The Goddess knows that I have tried, but there is only so much that I can take. I won't let you do this."
"You won't LET me?" Willow asked, surprised at last.
"No, I won't. I let you talk me into patrolling and fighting vampires that would kill me if they got the chance. I let you talk me into researching every weekend, and never spending any time alone. I let you talk me into hanging out with your friends, WHO DON'T LIKE ME" she added, with a pointed glare around the room "when all I've wanted to do for months now is pack our bags and get the both of us the hell away from here. And now you're telling me that you want to bind yourself to a demon and you expect me to just be FINE with that? No! I WILL NOT let you do this!"
For a moment, they were all still and silent with shock. Then Willow pulled herself together and walked over to where Tara was standing. She raised a hand to gently cradle Tara's face and brushed her thumb over Tara's cheekbone in soothing circles as she spoke.
"Tara, I'm so sorry. I know this is hard for you. I know this is scary. I know I forced you into all of this. You get involved with me, and all of the sudden you're forced into battling the powers of darkness." She flashed Tara a rueful smile and pressed a quick kiss to her forehead. "I know you're frustrated and sleep-deprived and that your nerves are shot. We all feel the same way. But sweetheart, we have the power to save the world. Don't you understand that I have to do this? It will all be over soon, I swear it. But I need to do this now. Please tell me you understand."
Tara stepped away from Willow, separating herself from her lover's touch.
"No. I can't tell you that I understand, because I DON'T! You don't need to do this! Buffy's the slayer, let her be bonded to the demon. Or if she's too squeamish, then SHE can call the First. This isn't our fight and I'm not going to stand for it any longer!"
"Tara, you don't mean that. Please. Tell me you don't mean that. You know that if I don't do this, Buffy will die."
"Then that's her choice."
Once again, a shocked silence fell over the room. Tara had said all she had to say. Willow was too shocked and broken hearted to speak, right away. And everyone else in the room was watching in stunned fascination. It never even occurred to any of them to speak. They were the chorus in this Greek tragedy. They weren't needed while the main characters dominated the stage.
"This is my choice, Tara. I choose to stay. I choose the ritual. I choose to save the world. I can't hold you here. What's your choice?"
"If you stay and perform the ritual, then it's over for us. I'll leave town."
"Then I guess this is goodbye." Willow stated, in a voice drained of all emotion.
For a moment Tara simply stood there, unwilling to believe it was over. Then she grabbed her sweater and her purse and headed for the door. When she reached it, she turned to face Willow once again.
"I'm going back to the dorm to pack a bag and then I'm on the next bus out of here. When I get settled, I'll let you know where to send the rest of my stuff."
She waited a moment, expecting Willow to call her back. But Willow had turned away and refused to look back. Facing away from Tara, Willow spoke softly.
"Be careful. It will be dark soon."
Tara shook her head in disbelief. Then she stormed through the door and slammed it behind her. Willow winced at the bang that it made, but did not turn around. With quiet certainty, in a voice still drained of emotion, she spoke again.
"I will never see her again."
No one knew what to say. Buffy looked at Giles. He was an adult; he should know how to comfort someone. But he shook his head. He was sure that anything he said would come out sounding pompous and condescending. Next, Buffy looked to Xander. He had been Willow's best friend for years. He should know the right way to handle this to make her feel better. He shook his head as well. He was a boy, he reasoned to himself. What did he know about what a girl needed to hear? He raised his eyebrows at Buffy. She had lost her lover recently. Besides, she was a girl. She should know what to do. Chocolate, ice cream, movies with Brad Pitt: Buffy should know which remedies would work. Willow was her best friend, too. But Buffy shook her head as well. She hadn't been much of a friend to Willow lately. Between Dawn being the Key and Riley leaving and her mother getting sick, she had hardly been able to hold herself together, much less be supportive of her friend. Besides, what Tara had said was true. She hadn't liked the girl. None of them really had. The glances were passed back and forth, each trying to convince the others to comfort Willow, until the one person they did not consider came forward.
"Do you want me to give her syphilis? Or maybe some new kind of fungus, never before discovered by science?"
Willow managed a small smile.
"It's a sweet offer Anya, but you forget, you're human now."
"Doesn't matter." Anya shrugged. "I still have connections in the demon world. Say the word, and Tara will never know what hit her. Or better still, she'll know exactly what hit her and there will be nothing she can do about it."
Willow turned and pulled Anya into a hug. "Thank you" she murmured into Anya's ear.
Anya was too surprised to react immediately, but after a moment, she wrapped her arms around the little redhead. Really, it wasn't so unnatural. In her thousand years on this earth, Anya had probably spent the majority of her time comforting scorned women. "Just say the word, Willow. Whatever you need." She pulled Willow's head down on to her shoulder.
Willow placed her forehead against Anya's shoulder and closed her eyes.
"It hurts." she whispered.
"I know." Anya sighed in her ear, while gently stroking her hair. "It'll be alright."
Xander had tears in his eyes but a faint smile on his lips. He hated seeing Willow in pain, but he was, once again, blown away by his Anya. Every day she did something to remind him how lucky he was to have her in his life. He stood quickly and wrapped his arms around his two favorite girls, joining in the hug. "We're here for you, Willster."
Buffy jumped up and joined the hug as well. "Love you, Wills." she whispered.
Willow was surrounded by arms and hugs and loving support. Even though Giles didn't join in the impromptu group hug, she knew that he loved her and would support her as well. It wasn't his fault he was so British.
"Tissues!" Buffy squeaked and pulled away to run over to her purse. After a minute of rummaging around, she emerged triumphantly with a pack of Kleenex. She distributed them, as everyone pulled out of the hug and started laughing quietly and drying their eyes.
"Giles," Buffy asked, "what ice cream do you have in the house?"
"Ice cream?" he replied. "Ah, yes. Ice cream. Of course. Quite right. I'll see to it immediately." he stated, before disappearing into the kitchen.
"I'll have to take a rain check on that, Buffy." Willow stated, once she was through drying her eyes. "It'll take me a while to get the ingredients together for the ritual, and I promised Spike I'd be over at 8:00."
"Willow, you aren't still planning on doing the ritual tonight, are you?"
"Yeah, Wills, Buffy's right. You're upset. No one should have to deal with Spike when they're already upset."
"The Orchesankian ritual has to be performed with the moon is at the first or third quarter. That will happen next week. Spike has to prepare half the ingredients himself, and it'll take a whole week to get them all ready. We need Spike. If we wait, it'll be another three weeks before the ritual can be performed. We don't have three weeks to wait. Besides, putting it off won't do any good. Tara will still be gone tomorrow, and Glory will still be here. I gave Spike my word that we'd do this tonight, and I plan to keep it. Heaven knows what new conditions he'll come up with if we give him any more time to think this through."
"At least let me come with you. You shouldn't have to deal with him alone."
"Buffy, we agreed that having you and Spike around each other should happen as little as possible until this whole mess is over with."
"How about me?"
"Xan, you hate Spike. And he hates you. I don't need that kind of animosity interfering with the ritual."
"I'll come, if you want. I don't like Spike, but I don't hate him."
"I appreciate it, Anya, but I really think I'm better doing this on my own."
"Alright" Buffy conceded grudgingly. "But as soon as the ritual is over, you're coming over to my house and we're having a girl's night, agreed?"
"Agreed" Willow nodded.
"Want me to walk you to get your supplies?" Buffy offered, eager to be of some help.
"Nah, you have a girl's night to set up for. By the time I get to your house, I expect to find cookie dough, chocolate, ice cream, and a copy of Say Anything ready to be watched. Understood?"
Buffy rolled her eyes. "You and that John Cusack obsession. What am I going to do with you? Alright, alright, Say Anything it is. I'll go right now to pick it up." Buffy gathered her stuff together and headed for the door. "Coming, Anya?"
"Y-you want me to come with you?" Anya asked, momentarily stunned.
"Sure." Buffy shrugged. "Girl's night. You, me, Willow, Dawn, heck, we could probably even talk my mom into joining us and making some hot chocolate.
Anya turned to face Xander with a huge grin on her face.
"I can't come home with you tonight. There's a girl's night I have to go to because I'm a girl and they want me there."
"Of course they do, baby." Xander said, giving her a quick hug and pressing a kiss onto her forehead. "Have a good time and I'll see you in the morning."
Anya grabbed her purse and headed out the door with Buffy. Xander and Willow could hear them chattering as they left, deciding what movies to pick at the video store and discussing the various therapeutic benefits of watching Brad Pitt's ass as opposed to George Clooney's when you were upset.
"All I could find is something entitled Phish Food" they heard Giles announce as he returned from the kitchen "and while I don't know exactly what that title implies, I do know that Buffy has enjoyed it in the past, and I do hope it will prove accepta— Where did Anya and Buffy go?" Giles asked as he fully entered the room.
"They went to set things up for a girl's night, where I will be joining them, once I finish the ritual." Willow replied. "Giles, I was kinda hoping you wouldn't mind if I helped myself to some of the ingredients at the Magic Shop? I have the most of the ingredients at the dorm, but I don't want to go there while Tara—"
"By all means, help yourself to anything you like." Giles quickly interjected. "You know you're welcome to anything."
"Thanks, Giles." Willow replied, gathering her stuff and heading for the door.
"Come on Wills, I'll walk you to the shop." Xander said, waiting for her in the doorway.
"Willow!" Giles stopped her as she headed toward Xander. She turned to face him. "Do be careful tonight."
Willow rushed back and gave Giles a quick hug, flustering him completely. "Don't worry, Giles." she said. "I promise to be careful." She walked to the door. "And I always keep my word."
Giles sighed as the door shut behind them. They were still such children. Such brilliant, wonderful, astonishing children. Then he seated himself quietly. With the spoon he had gotten for Willow, he dug into the Phish Food. It had been a long day. He was quite certain he deserved it.