In the end, Drusilla did move into Spike's apartment after all, though he repeatedly refused to tell anyone just how he managed to convince her. In fact, any time her name came up, he changed the subject as quickly as possible; he wouldn't even talk about it to Willow, but with so much of everyone's time and attention spent on the once again impending apocalypse, she decided not to push him. She was a little hurt that he didn't feel he could discuss Dru's return with her, since she'd confided in him back when Oz had returned and they hadn't been nearly as close at that time, but there were more important things to worry about.

And it wasn't as if Spike were spending much time with them, anyway; they had relatively few chances to talk at all. Eventually he'd managed to learn that Dru had returned to Sunnydale hoping for a party when the world ended, at which point Giles insisted he keep a close eye on her, to make sure she didn't have a chance to help bring that about. He hadn't relaxed his insistence that she wear the pendant at all times, either, so even when they were together the effects it had on him made things a little awkward. All in all, she was almost glad so much of her time was spent researching, since she suspected she'd be missing him quite a bit if she had the opportunity.

When they finally defeated the group that had been trying to open the Hellmouth, she found that assumption was correct. Giles had relaxed the vigilance with which he'd been making Spike watch Dru, but they still had to keep track of what she was doing, in case she came up with a plan of her own. At first they avoided going over to Spike's apartment, not wanting to run into her, but as the weeks passed and she did nothing more dangerous than normal hunting, everyone began to let down their guard a little. They all, it seemed, agreed that Drusilla was fair game if Buffy discovered her hurting anyone first-hand, but after the past couple of years with Spike around, the Scooby Gang found it easy to accept another vampire as "mostly harmless, for now".

Willow was relieved to note that Dru's return and their consequent forced separation didn't seem to have had any lasting negative effects on the friendship she and Spike were rebuilding. It felt like recent weeks had contained a lot of Spike-missage, and Willow hoped that soon things would finally be back to normal.

And that day did seem to be coming sooner than anyone had expected. The first time Willow came face-to-face with Drusilla, everyone around them was preparing for the worst, some of Spike's paranoia having rubbed off on her other friends. But to everyone's surprise, Dru didn't pay any more attention to her than she had to Xander or Riley, aside from a hiss and complaint that Willow "smelled bad", presumably due to the pendant. After a few more carefully-watched encounters, even Giles decided that Spike's worries were unfounded; if Dru knew Willow had done the soul restoration, she didn't seem to care anymore.

Which, frankly, was just fine with Willow. Anything that allowed her to spend more time with Spike again--and kept her out of immediate danger--was something to be thankful for. This was definitely one instance in which she much preferred having her witchcraft skills go unacknowledged.

Of course, soon school interfered and left her with little energy to spare for worrying about Dru at all; in fact, one night she was at Giles' studying and had tuned everyone else out to the extent that didn't even notice that Spike had dropped by until he said something to her.

"What?" she asked, turning from her spot lying on the couch to look up at him.

"I said, what's the matter, pet? You've been shifting about so much you look like you're about to fall off the sofa."

"Oh, that. I just can't get comfortable. I'll be fine if I can just get through the next couple of weeks."

"Anything I can help with?"

"'Fraid not. It's just...no matter how many times we've faced the end of the world, it always takes me several weeks afterward to fully de-stress. And now I've got finals coming up, and since I was too busy preventing the apocalypse to fully pay attention to my classes recently, I've got to catch up on everything in just a few days, and I guess I'm a little tense," she shrugged.

"Don't worry, love, I'm sure you'll do fine. You always do, right?"

"But 'fine' isn't good enough! I-if I don't get As, I might as well have failed! I know you won't understand, because no one does, but I can't do just 'fine', I've never been 'fine' in my life, not at academics, and--"

"Slow down there!" he interrupted. "Don't forget, you still have to breathe.  Now, shove over."

"Why?" she asked, even as she was scooching over until her side was pressed up against the back of the couch. Spike perched on the space that had opened up on the other side of her, and reached over to begin massaging her shoulders.

"Just hush, Willow. Forget about the world ending, and your bloody exams, and everything for a few minutes. You weren't kidding when you said you were tense! Try to relax, pet. Deep breaths. There you go...." His calm, soothing voice continued to lull her into a state of near-sleep, as his hands worked their way from her neck and shoulders down to her lower back. Unlike the various times the Scoobies had given each other backrubs, she could barely feel his hands; surprisingly, instead of using brute force to get her muscles to loosen, the vampire was gentle, somehow getting each knot to open up with barely any pressure. Willow lost herself in the sensation, amazed at how much better she felt now that the slight pain in her back that had been plaguing her for weeks was easing. By the time he was done, she felt drowsy, her body heavy and relaxed, wanting nothing more than to just stay as she was for a few days.

"Better, love?"

"Mmmm."

He chuckled. "Good. Turn over."

"No, no moving."

"Okay, if you don't want me to do your face and hands...."

"Turning now!" she declared, finding Spike smirking down at her when she did so.

Once more he started at her shoulder, working his way down one arm until he got to her hand, paying attention to each muscle in her hand and fingers before starting again with the other arm. At last he shifted to the end of the couch, behind her head. Instructing her to close her eyes, he began massaging her tight jaw, until finally it, too, unclenched. Willow sighed in relief.

"How come you can do that so well?"

"Decades of practice. Now. I don't suppose you'd be willing to do a little something for *me*?"

"Like what?" she asked, sitting up to stare up at him suspiciously.

"Nothing...evil, pet. I've just been getting bored during the day a lot lately, and since so few of the stores in this bloody little town are open much after dark, I was hoping you could pick up a few things to help give me something to do."

"Oh, I can probably do that, sure. What kinds of things?"

He gave her one of his patented smirks. "Books, mostly."

Willow couldn't resist grinning at the thought, and began shooting questions too fast for him to answer. "You want me to go book shopping? Cool! What kind of books do you want? How many? Do you prefer hardcover or paperback? Do you have a list?" she concluded with a little bounce.

Spike was laughing at her, but she didn't care. She knew he was probably trying to get such a reaction out of her, so she exaggerated it. A little.

"Whatever you want, ducks. Get a variety of things; never can tell what I'll be in the mood for. Here," he added, pulling out a wad of bills and giving them to her, "and feel free to pick up a thing or two for yourself, while you're at it."

He'd just handed her several hundred dollars without batting an eye; she counted. "Um...I don't want to ask where you got all this, do I?"

The slow grin he gave her was so...*Spike*...that she couldn't help shivering slightly. "Nope."

"Okay, then. Um. Well, then, I won't. So...I should be able to get this done by the beginning of next week; is that all right?"

"Sure, love. That is, if you're not too worried it will cause you to do just 'fine' on your exams," he added, voice laced with mock concern. Willow ostentatiously declined to rise to the bait. Well, aside from making a quick face at him to make sure he knew she'd realised what he was doing.

"Hey, if you two are finished with the touching, there's a Slayer over here who needs her roomie's help if she's going to pass history," a voice called from across the room.

Willow blushed, and hurried over to where Buffy had her notes spread out, fighting the urge to sneak one last glance at Spike.

She had some trouble focusing on Buffy's notes, however fascinating the events leading up to World War I might otherwise be; it was only after she noticed Spike was leaving that Willow was able to concentrate on the tutoring she was supposed to be doing. Naturally, that was when Buffy decided to lower her voice for a gossip session.

"So, what's with you and Spike being all touchy-feely over there?"

Willow jumped. "Uh, what do you mean? He was just giving me a, a backrub, is all. I was tense!"

"Uh huh. So then why are you blushing?"

"I'm not!"

"Whatever." Buffy paused, and when she spoke again, the teasing tone had gone out of her voice. "So...Drusilla's back to stay?"

"Seems that way," she shrugged.

"Figures. How's that working out, anyway? Spike must be thrilled...."

"I...I don't know, really. He doesn't talk about it. A couple of times I've tried to ask him, but as soon as I mention her name he changes the subject. Simply refuses to talk about her."

"Well, maybe he's afraid we'll try and stake her or something. God knows we'd have reason to. I take it they're back together?"

Willow hesitated; she felt a little disloyal talking about her friend's love life with someone he didn't even like, but she thought she'd feel better having discussed this with Buffy. She decided that since she didn't really know anything--and certainly nothing he'd told her, in confidence or otherwise--it couldn't hurt. "I don't know. I mean, he really doesn't talk about her, at all. I guess they might be--there must be *some* reason she's agreed to stay with him, right?--but I really hope not. He's my friend, and I want him to be happy, just...well, Dru's not--"

"Not the person you want him to be happy with?" Buffy grinned.

"Yeah. No! I meant, well, I don't think she'd make him happy at all. For a while, maybe, but she does have a habit of leaving him, and having seen what that does to Spike a couple of times now, I gotta say, I'm not looking forward to it happening again. I don't think she's good for him. Think about it, Buffy--here's this guy who's not supposed to be able to love, but does anyway, so completely that he's just devastated when she leaves him, completely falls apart, even though he knows she's cheated on him--right in front of him, sometimes!--and is pretty much completely insane, but he loves her anyway. And she's just going to do it again, and as his friend I have to support his decision, but I don't *want* to, since I want him to be happy and she just makes him miserable.... And I don't know what to do, Buffy."

"Wow, Will. I can see you haven't given this any thought at all."

"Oh, sure, get out the sarcasm instead of being helpful."

"Look, I don't know what to tell you. I'm not at all surprised that you don't want him to go back to Dru, whatever your reasons. But if you're asking how to do the good friend thing if he asks your opinion...well, I think you've got to decide whether you feel this is a time it would be better to be Supporto Gal, or tell him the truth. I can't really help you there."

Willow sighed. "Yeah, I know. I just...we were just starting to work through that whole leaving-me-to-think-he-was-dead thing, and I don't want to make the wrong choice and end up ruining our friendship again."

"Look at it this way: maybe you'll get lucky, and he won't ask what you think about it at all."

"I hope you're right."

But with her luck, Willow doubted she would be.
 

Part 12

True to her word, by late Saturday afternoon Willow'd had several boxes of books delivered to Spike's apartment. Thankful that Drusilla seemed to still be in her room asleep, he got dressed and went to unpack his new treasures in peace. He was rarely willing to admit it in front of anyone, but one thing Spike missed from his human days was reading. For the first few decades after he was turned, he was too busy discovering the joys of being a vampire, and by the time he'd settled down a bit, the image he'd created for himself left little room for such things. Now, however...his image was pretty much shot anyway, since he couldn't bite, and he trusted Willow. Maybe at last he could rid himself of the interminable boredom that his days had become.

Grabbing the box nearest him, he began examining the contents, arranging the books into several piles based on subject matter. She had done a remarkable job of selecting a wide range of both fiction and non-fiction--and not just the predictable stuff, either. The typical classics were represented, true, but Willow had apparently gone to some trouble to seek out works he might not have read before.

His brow rose in surprise as he pulled out a stack of cheap-looking paperbacks that had been rubber-banded together, and caught the words
"vampire slayer" on the cover of the top one; then he saw one of those annoying yellow notes stuck to it, saying Willow had thought he might
get a good laugh out of everything the author had gotten wrong about vampires, slayers, and so on. Grinning, he set those aside, thinking
there might be something in there he could have fun taunting the real Slayer with.

He was only halfway through the second box when he heard Dru moving about. She complained about not being able to go out and get someone
to eat, since the sun was still up, and he suggested she grab one of the blood bags from the fridge, too distracted by the books in front of him to think about the fact that she would be upset, to say the least, at the mere thought of drinking old blood. Oddly, though, she merely sulked, and wandered through the rooms of the apartment as he continued sorting through the boxes.

He couldn't help laughing as he opened a box to find a book of poetry by Blok--glancing at the table of contents, he saw it did indeed include the Dances of Death, appropriately enough--and Hegel's Science of Logic, both in the original languages. Underneath them were nestled Russian- and German-English dictionaries, with another note from Willow claiming that no matter what he said, she knew he would need them. She'd even drawn a smiley face. Spike shook his head in amusement; she always did pretend not to believe he could speak anything other than English. He wondered where she found foreign-language books in a town like Sunnydale, though; non-occult ones, rather.

Dimly he became aware of Dru returning to the living room, hovering near the edge of his peripheral vision. He ignored her as long as she was just standing there, but as usual she wouldn't put up with that for long, and soon broke into his concentration with a request for him to order a delivery person.

"Not a good idea. You start killing the delivery boys, the Slayer'll be over to stake you for sure. On second thought, yeah, order yourself a pizza boy. Phone's over there."

She pouted at that, knowing him well enough to catch his meaning--which put her a step ahead of Harmony in the brains department, he mused. Unfortunately, it also meant she *wasn't* going to call for delivery and give the Slayer an excuse to get her out of his hair.

"If I'm a good girl, and wait until dark to eat, can I have a treat?" she asked plaintively.

"Yeah. Sure."

"I'll get all dressed up, and after dinner we'll share a nice dessert. Maybe a friend of the nasty Slayer, wouldn't that be lovely, Spike? Make 'er hurt...."

"Not a good idea, Dru," he warned her. He may not be fond of the Slayerettes, but he knew that if Dru harmed one of them, no truce in the world would keep Buffy from staking him as well.

As usual, she didn't pay any attention to him. "Ooh, yes, we could teach that smelly girl that a pretty bauble can't protect her...."

He turned to her, yellow eyes flashing. "I said no, you stupid bint!" he snapped, focusing again on the books in front of him as he got his annoyance and frustration under control.

She whimpered, and when he turned to see what was wrong, she had put on her "poor injured Princess" expression. Spike dismissed it with a
glance and returned his attention to the task at hand. Dru whimpered again, louder this time, as if he just hadn't heard her. Finally he couldn't stand it any longer.

"It won't work, Dru. You're just wasting your time."

"Spike?"

"I'm not apologising. I'm not sorry, and I'm bloody well through with pretending I am," he told her firmly. She gave him that wide-eyed, deceptively innocent look and slunk over to him, raising a hand to trail down his chest. He pulled away, angry that she thought she could still manipulate him so easily. "I said *no*, Dru! I'm not sorry if I hurt your bloody feelings, and I'll be damned if I'm going to coddle you as if I were."

"But, Spike," Dru whined, "I'm your Princess."

"Not anymore, you're not. You haven't been for a long time now. Damn it, Dru! I spent over a bloody *century* taking care of you, worshipping you, giving you everything you could possibly want! Then the instant Daddy lost the soul, you went running off to him. Not to mention every demon you could find, the more disgusting the better. And dumb old Spike took you back, time and again. Well, not anymore. I've had it with you, Dru; I was finally starting to be happy with my life, aside from the bloody chip, and now you come and expect me to drop everything and come crawling back to you? Not bloody likely! I'm through being your lapdog. If you want someone to pamper you and fawn over you and grovel at your feet, you're going to have to look elsewhere, because it's bloody well not going to be me!" he finished, not even aware that by the end of his tirade he'd been shouting.

He would have laughed at the look of outraged shock on Drusilla's face had he not been so angry at her for even thinking he'd come running
the instant she called. Instead, he stormed out of the room, knowing that if he stayed he'd soon find himself looking for the nearest stake.

In the hall he nearly ran into Willow, who, judging by the shock in her eyes and the happy grin on her face, had clearly heard what he'd said. Looking at her, the force of his anger subsided somewhat, and he couldn't resist pulling her into his arms. She returned the hug with equal intensity.

He pulled back, looking down at her. "What do you say we go take a walk, love?"

"Sounds good," Willow agreed. The sounds of one of Dru's fits followed them out the door.

They wandered through Sunnydale for a while, just enjoying each other's company, before he led them to a park bench.

"So, ducks, I take it you heard?"

"You yelling at Dru, you mean? Yeah, some of it anyway. I want you to know how proud I am. Um, are you okay?"

"Okay? Willow, I feel great! I've wanted to tell her off for so long, just never thought I'd get the chance."

"Oh, I'm so glad! I know how much she meant to you--*some* of us were sober when you were going on about how she'd left you for that chaos
demon," she reminded him with a grin, "I just wasn't sure how you feel *now*. I didn't want to say anything before, but I was worried you might take her back, and that would so not be good for you. I mean, I don't know what your relationship used to be like, but since I've known you, it seems like she's always been hurting you...and I didn't want to see you like that again," she admitted.

Spike couldn't help laughing at her rambling. "Well, love, you needn't have worried. I realised it was over between me and Dru a long time ago, and I haven't loved her in almost as long. Also, you know, she's plain batty; I've got kind of used to being around people that still have all their marbles."

"I can see where that would get annoying after a while, yeah. Actually," she confessed, "I've never really understood what you saw in her. May have something to do with the fact that every time I see her, she's trying to kill us."

"Sometimes I'm not sure, myself. Whatever it was, it's gone now, I do know that."

"So, uh...it doesn't bother you anymore, talking about her?" she asked tentatively.

"Not a bit. Feels rather good, that. She was the center of my world for so long, well, you saw how I fell apart when she left. But now...she's my past, and I'm perfectly content for her to stay that way."

"Good," Willow replied with some satisfaction. "I know what it's like to have someone you love just walk away, and we don't want you tempted
to start doing magic or something!"

"Yeah. Of course, unlike some people I know, *I* don't go around casting spells when I'm under emotional strain."

"Yeah, you just kidnap beginning witches who barely know what they're doing to cast them for you, and threaten them with death if they mess
up."

"A far superior plan, if I do say so myself."

Willow snorted. "Yeah. Whatever, Spike."

Their familiar banter continued as they simply enjoyed each other's company, Drusilla forgotten.

                            ***************

By the time Spike returned home, his anger at Dru had largely been forgotten. What he couldn't forget, however, was the final statement that had prompted it. In addition to being generally a pain, she'd threatened Willow, and that was something he wasn't willing to ignore.

He'd made sure she got home safely, then walked slowly back to his place, trying to come up with some alternative way of dealing with Dru. Unfortunately, there was only one solution that seemed to have any chance of working, so no matter how distasteful the idea was to him, he appeared to have no other choice.

Digging out the address book Willow'd insisted on giving him, he flipped through until he found the page he needed. Then he wasted several moments just staring at her neat handwriting, remembering how adamant she'd been that this information could come in handy, despite his protests that he'd let himself be staked before using it. And he still would, only he wasn't the one being threatened. For the millionth time, he cursed the Initiative; had it not been for them, he never would have found himself caring enough about some silly little human to do what he was about to.

But it had to be done, and best to do it now, get it over with before Dru returned from wherever she'd gone off to while he was out. This was going to be hard enough as it was.

The phone rang several times before someone picked up. "What?" an all-too-familiar voice growled.

"What's the matter, Peaches, start keeping mortal hours?" he taunted.

"Spike?" Angel asked, incredulously. "How did you get this number?"

"Look, we can do the who-hates-who-most bit later. Now, you need to get up here and take care of your bloody daughter. Somewhere far away,
for preference. Maybe she'll listen to you."

"Dru? I would think my having anything to do with her would be the *last* thing you'd want, Spike. And where are you?"

"What, you don't know? I'd've thought the little Slayer woulda told you by now, Peaches. I've been in Sunnydale for going on two years." He grinned despite himself at the reaction that provoked on the other end of the line. "Yeah, well, as much fun as this isn't, can we get back to the point?"

"Which is...?"

"You. Taking Dru far away from here and making sure she never comes back. I don't care how you do it, I just don't want her coming here again," he growled.

"Okay, Spike, let's start from the beginning. What are you two doing in Sunnydale, why haven't I heard about this before, and why are you trying to get rid of Dru?"

"Haven't you been paying attention?" he sighed in frustration. "Look, forget why I'm here; you haven't been told, presumably, because the Slayer didn't think you needed to know. Haven't a clue why Dru is hanging around, even though the Watcher's got me keeping an eye on her to try and find out. Never did figure out how her mind worked. I want her out of my sight because, frankly, I'm sick of her bein' around all the time, and I want her gone *today* because she threatened Willow."

Spike shifted his weight from one foot to another while nervously waiting for the explosion he knew was coming. To his surprise, Angel just asked softly, "And since when do you care who Dru threatens, Spike?"

He frowned, mumbling an answer, even though he knew his sire wouldn't let him get away with that. "What was that?"

Thankful that it would take Angel a couple of hours to get to Sunnydale from L.A., leaving him plenty of time to hide if necessary--more, in fact, since it would be dawn before his sire could make it there, and that nancy-boy was hardly likely to ruin his precious car by painting over the windows, which meant he'd have to wait for the sun to go back down--Spike took a deep breath and answered again. "Since Red and I are friends."

He winced at the sudden yelling in his ear, until the inevitable threat came. Just why did everyone feel the need to tell him what they'd do if he hurt Willow? He wasn't stupid, he'd known that even before the threats began pouring in. Angel being safely in L.A., he finally let some of his irritation show. "Sorry, mate, but you're going to have to take a number," he snapped.

"What?"

"The way I see it, you bloody wanker, at this point you'd need to queue up behind Xander, the Watcher, and, oh yeah, your precious Buffy; they've all gotten to the 'I'll hurt you horribly' bit long before you. Though I'm afraid there probably won't be much of me left for you to torture once ol' Ripper's done with me."

"Spike--"

"Are you gonna help or not? That's the only thing we have to talk about, Peaches."

There was silence for several moments before Angel sighed in resignation. "I'll leave at sundown. But I'm going to expect some explanations when I get there, Spike."

"Yeah. Right," he scoffed, hanging up before he could get stuck in a discussion of topics he'd really rather avoid.
 

Part 13

That evening Willow was hanging out with the rest of the gang at Giles', enjoying the fact that they had no big evil to research for a change, when Spike walked in, looking unusually cheerful. Looking up, she met his grin with one of her own, watching as he plopped down in his favourite chair. He didn't speak, but it was clear he was itching to say something. Spike was just brimming with excess energy, to an extent she hadn't seen in quite some time. He didn't seem to want to volunteer the reason for his good mood, however, so she decided to wait and see if one of the others would ask. Besides, she already had a good idea; this must have come from finally declaring his independence from Drusilla.

To Willow's surprise, it was Xander who first noticed. "Hey, what's with him today?"

Spike smirked at him. "What can I say, mate, it's a lovely night."

"Yes, well, don't you think it might be better spent keeping Drusilla from causing trouble? I thought we had an understanding...."

"Yeah, Watcher? Well, it just so happens that Dru isn't going to be a problem from here on out, so I don't need to babysit her any longer."

"And you can guarantee that, can you?" Giles asked skeptically.

"Absolutely. After all, be hard for even her to cause trouble in Sunnyhell from so far away."

Everyone looked at him in shock. Buffy was the first to recover. "Are you saying Psycho Girl's gone?"

"Left town an hour ago," he confirmed, exchanging a smile with Willow.

"Any idea why, or where she's going? We should probably warn Angel she's in the area, in case she tries to go to L.A...."

Spike dismissed that suggestion with a scornful look. "Peaches is the one who got her away from this hellhole, so even though I don't know where he's taking her, I don't think he'll be surprised to see her there."

He just sat back in his chair and enjoyed the show, as the Scoobies--minus Willow, who hadn't known Spike had kicked Dru out of town, but wasn't as surprised by the idea as she would've been the day before--erupted into a barrage of questions and exclamations. Buffy's complaints about not knowing Angel was in town rose above the rest; finally Willow caught her eye and gave a meaningful glance in Riley's direction. The reminder of her current boyfriend's presence was enough to make her look guilty, but she merely switched from asking about Angel to demanding to know why Drusilla had left. The noise continued until Giles called for quiet; hearing him yell shocked everyone into silence.

"Thank you. Now, let's start with the most important issue. Spike, why did Drusilla leave? If she went to cause trouble elsewhere, we have a, a moral obligation to do what we can to stop her, or at least warn the Council so they can do so."

"Not to worry, Rupert, that's not why she left. No, I'm thinking it has more to do with the fact that I got sick of her hanging around and assuming things that are no longer true, and finally I told her so last night."

"Why am I finding the idea of you standing up to your precious Drusilla a bit on the unlikely side?"

Willow couldn't stay quiet any longer. "Oh, but he did! You should've seen it, Buffy," she said eagerly, "he was great! He said to Dru a lot of the things I wish I had told Oz when he came expecting me to take him back, but was too scared to. Me scared, not he scared."

"Whoa, slow down. Let me get this straight. Spike got all Melody Beattie on Dru, and Will was there?"

"Well, not *there* there. Not in the same room or anything, I mean. But I happened to be dropping by to ask Spike something, and I heard
some of it out in the hall."

"Uh huh. And how did Angel get into all this?" Buffy asked, giving Willow a look that clearly said "I don't believe you, but we'll talk more later".

"I called 'im. Now, are we going to talk about this all night, or can we get to the having fun portion of the evening?"

The Slayerettes just sat there in a confused, awkward silence for a few moments--except Willow, who was still beaming at Spike--before
Anya ventured, "Bronze?"

"What?"

"This is one of those times when you ignore whatever's just happened and go to the Bronze, right?"

"Xander, you've trained her well," Buffy declared, pulling Riley off the couch and grabbing her jacket. "Bronze it is."
 

Part 14

Over the next few weeks, with Drusilla gone and no prophecies to worry
about, Willow finally started to feel like things were truly back to
normal for the first time since what she'd come to think of as the
Great Birthday Debacle. It felt a little strange to think about, but
she'd realised that the Scooby Gang no longer felt complete if Spike
couldn't join them. But that was all over--he seemed to have gotten
over whatever mood he'd been in just after her birthday, he was no
longer needed to keep tabs on Dru, and her absence made things more
comfortable when he did join them, since it meant that Willow didn't
have to wear the Kamarás Pendant all the time.

Of course, she still couldn't see all her friends at once, except at
night; but that wasn't going to change unless something happened to
turn Spike human or something. And even on the Hellmouth, that idea
seemed rather far-fetched. If only Angel hadn't destroyed the Gem of
Amarra.... But she'd settle for evenings together, and she could
always go over to his apartment if she wanted to talk to him earlier,
now that the Drusilla paranoia was no longer an issue. Plus, now that
it was winter the days were getting shorter, and the no-sunlight thing
was less of a problem. Yes, life was good for a change, Willow
decided.

And for once, things just got better.

She couldn't wait to get to Giles' and tell Buffy. Briefly the thought
that Giles might prefer them to find somewhere else to hang out, so he
could have his apartment to himself again, crossed her mind, but she
dismissed it; if he didn't want the gang around so much, surely even
he would've said something by now. Besides, it made things so much
more convenient, when they needed to find each other. Even if what she
wanted to talk to the Slayer about this time *didn't* have anything to
do with demons or vampires or anything else that fell in her job
description....

Willow grinned to herself. Her thoughts were starting to confuse even
her; surely that couldn't be a good sign.

As she'd hoped, Buffy was already there, complaining about not having
anything to wear to a party she was dragging Riley to that weekend.
Willow tried not to laugh at the sight of Giles trying to look
interested while clearly wishing he were anywhere else. Figuring he'd
probably been tortured enough for one afternoon, she cheerfully broke
in and asked Buffy if she had time for some 'girl talk'. Giles
gratefully took the hint, and withdrew.

"So, Wills, what's up?"

"Well, I'm afraid I've got some bad news. You know that movie you
wanted us to see on Friday? Well, I can't make it."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, oh. I got a date!" Good friend that she was, Buffy promptly
joined Willow for a bit of girly squealing at the news, before they
both broke down and started laughing at themselves.

"Now that we've completely regressed to junior high, I have only one
thing to say: dish!"

"Okay, you know Carolyn? My chem lab partner last term?"

"Yeah...."

"Well, I ran into her at the dining hall this afternoon, and we
decided to eat lunch together, catch up. And then she asked me out!!"

"So, you like her, huh?" Buffy asked, trying to sound like she wasn't
a little uncomfortable still with the thought of her best friend
dating other girls.

"I don't know. I mean, I like her, I'm just not sure if I *like* her
yet. But she's nice, and smart, and funny, and she's the first person
to show any interest in me since Tara--"

"I'm not so sure about that," Buffy muttered.

"Trust me, Buff, I think I'd know if someone wanted to go out with me.
But anyway, Carolyn. I've decided to try this 'dating to find out if
you like them before committing to a relationship' thing I've heard
about," Willow grinned. "I mean, Tara and I were pretty much a couple
before we ever had our first date, and Oz.... Well, okay, we did the
dating thing first, kinda, but I didn't really have a chance. He was
the first boy to ever notice me, so it was kind of inevitable that I'd
fall for him, you know?"

"Yeah, Will. I know what you mean. So, good for you, officially over
Tara."

"I hadn't really thought about it, but yeah, I guess I am. This calls
for a celebration!"

"Definite chocolate moment," Buffy declared solemnly.

                            ***************

Saturday, the gang had planned a movie night. Willow bounced into
Xander's basement and found everyone already there. From her spot on
the floor, Buffy waved her over with a grin.

"So, how'd it go last night? I want details! Well, maybe not
*details*, but...."

"Buffy, I'm offended!"

"No, Will, I'm sorry, I just--"

"I can't believe you think there'd be *details* already! It was our
first date. What kind of girl do you think I am?" Willow grinned.

Buffy sighed in relief. "You're right, of course. And...I'm sorry.
For, you know...not wanting to hear them if there had been. I guess it
still gets me kinda wigged, the thought of you and another girl...."

"I know, Buff. But you're trying, at least. And that means a lot to
me."

"Thanks. So...how *did* this details-free date go, hmm?"

Before she could reply, Spike leaned over. "What's this about a date?"

"You know, it's that thing where two people spend an evening together
in the hopes that they'll fall in love. You might try it sometime."

"Buffy! Was that really necessary?"

"You know, Will, you're right, it wasn't necessary. But it was fun
nonetheless," she grinned.

"Fine, be that way," Willow sighed in mock exasperation before turning
to Spike. "I had a date last night, with a girl in one of my classes
last term. And," she added, turning back to the Slayer, "yes, I had a
good time, but no, we certainly did *not* sleep together."

"So, you going out again?" Buffy asked.

"I don't know."

"Let me put it this way: if she asked you out again, would you say
yes?"

"Maybe. I think so. Yeah, I probably would," Willow admitted.

"I'm happy for you, pet," Spike said weakly before sitting back and
withdrawing himself from their conversation. Shortly thereafter,
Xander returned from the kitchen with popcorn and drinks, and put in
the first movie, rescuing her from having to answer any more of her
roommate's questions that night.
 
 

Part 15

Wonder of wonders, the Hellmouth continued to take it easy on the
Scoobies. Even more mundane problems were pretty minor, and Willow
wanted nothing more than to just enjoy this reprieve. Spike was in a
bit of a mood, but it wasn't anything like the last time; he continued
to hang out with them, he was just...quieter than usual. Subdued,
almost; considering the way he normally seemed to be overflowing with
excess energy, she was a little concerned. She tried asking what was
wrong once, but he just brushed her off; she didn't want to press the
issue for fear of bringing on a repeat of his complete disappearance.

Despite the risk of smug looks and suggestive comments from Buffy,
Willow did indeed see Carolyn again. They went out a few times and
always had fun, but she always came away feeling a bit...unsatisfied.
The times they went out were great evenings between friends, but as
dates, well, they lacked something. Much as she enjoyed spending time
with Carolyn, Willow just couldn't feel romantic about her. She just
didn't feel that spark that would make her want to move things beyond
the platonic.

Willow was confused. Carolyn was smart, funny in that quirky way
Willow liked, even pretty. Aside from a complete ignorance of all
things supernatural, this girl was everything she was looking
for--including completely human, for a change. Yet even when they held
hands, kissed goodnight, she never felt any attraction. After a few
weeks she broke it off, knowing they'd never be more than friends.

She was long over Tara, she knew that. Even the pain of her betrayal
of Willow's trust--different from Oz's, but no less devastating at the
time--had faded. So why was she still unable to care about anyone new?

Eventually she gave up on trying to figure out the mystery that was
her heart all by herself, and decided it was time to turn to the one
person who still knew her better than anyone. Once she got Xander to
realise that she was seriously asking for his advice, she managed to
explain the problem, more or less. Anxiously she awaited his response.

"Damn, Will," he said at last, "what happened to the days when you
came to me with problems like Cordy's gang making fun of your dress?"

"The Hellmouth happened," she answered solemnly.

"Oh yeah." He thought for a minute. "Well, okay. So you're not
attracted to this Carolyn. What's the big deal? You'll find someone
you *do* want."

"But who, Xan? In case you haven't noticed, there aren't exactly a lot
of girls our age who admit to liking girls. Not in a town this size,
especially."

Xander shrugged. "Who's to say the next person you fall for has to be
a girl? Just because Tara was? Sorry, Will, but you're not going to
convince me you didn't love Oz just as much, maybe more."

"Well...."

"I think you just need to relax; you're trying too hard. It's great
that you're ready to start dating again, but there's no need to panic
if you don't find someone right off. I mean, you can't expect every
date to turn into a long-term relationship just because that's how it
happened for us so far. Well, if you don't count Ampata. Or praying
mantis lady. And I don't think you could call the Faith incident a
date, really.... Okay, so it's just you who's had amazing luck in the
romance department. But, see, that proves my point. And I'm sure I'd
have even more dates-that-led-nowhere behind me if even one of the
non-supernatural girls I tried to ask out in high school other than
Cordelia hadn't rejected me before I could even get the words out," he
added with some obvious lingering bitterness.

"Aw, Xan...you just weren't asking the right girls." They exchanged a
look of silent understanding, their mouths quirking in mutual
acknowledgement of feelings they'd never discussed until it was too
late. "Besides, I kind of have to hope for more than just a date or
two; not exactly like I've got people beating down my door wanting to
ask me out."

"So, who says you've got to wait till someone else asks? Especially if
you're going to do the girly thing--and by the way, if you ever feel
the need to share any, uh, details that Buffy doesn't want to hear,
I'm your guy," he said with a sheepish leer, "it seems kind of
pointless to fall back on 'I'm the girl, I can't make the first move',
you know? It's the twenty-first century, Willow, it's okay to be the
one doing the asking."

"I guess you might be right...."

Xander gasped in mock horror. "No! How could you insult me that way!
Me, right?"

She giggled. "I know, what *is* the world coming to?"

"There ya go; if I can be right, you can ask someone out."

"I'll think about it."

                            ***************

And she did. Finally she decided that Xander really was right: not
only did she need to stop limiting herself to just looking at one
gender as potential romantic partners, but she might need to be the
one to initiate things. It was time to put the confidence she'd
supposedly gained in recent years to the test. Asking Oz to Buffy's
birthday party had nearly given her a panic attack, and she'd already
had signs that he was interested in her. You don't take a bullet for
just anyone, after all. Starting from scratch, as it were, would not
be easy.

She began evaluating everyone she saw in classes or around campus,
trying to identify someone she thought might be a good choice. Finally
she settled on a guy from her dorm who fit what appeared to be her
type--quirky, with a unique sense of style, and above all, taciturn.
Perhaps that had been the problem with Carolyn; both Oz and Tara had
been quiet, preferring to convey their feelings through action rather
than words. Carolyn, on the other hand, was rather talkative--fun in a
friend, but maybe not what she was unconsciously seeking in a partner.
After all, words could lie so much more easily.... Hopefully David
would be closer to what she needed.

Alas, he turned out to be perhaps *too* laconic. Or maybe she'd just
grown used to being around her more outgoing friends. But whatever the
reason, much of their date consisted of uncomfortable silence, and she
found herself thinking longingly of the night before, when she'd spent
several hours just hanging out with Spike, chatting. She knew first
dates were usually a little awkward, but this was ridiculous--and she
didn't think you were supposed to spend one wishing you were out with
friends instead! By the time the date was over, Willow was certain
that David was *not* someone she was destined to spend any length of
time with.

Frustrated, she gave up on the dating thing for a while. Instead, she
spent the next few weeks just enjoying her friends, and thinking about
the various people in her life, past and present. Because she needed
to figure out what--and whom--she wanted on her own, she ended up
spending a lot of her free time with Spike. Buffy wanted to tease her
and talk about Carolyn and David too much, and Xander, well, he still
spent too much time distracted by Anya. After their one conversation
on the subject, all he'd said was not to risk anything that might
subject her to the attention of a vengeance demon, but though she
appreciated that he didn't constantly question her like Buffy did,
actually hanging out with him wasn't much of an option. Spike,
however, remained silent on the subject entirely, and even during her
most introspective moments he was willing to just sit with her, not
talking at all. He was comforting, just to be with; somehow his
presence was soothing, eased her fears of being alone. She realised
she felt more comfortable with him, safer, more at home, than she did
even with the Scoobies.

One night they were sitting on the steps of her parents' house, just
looking at the stars together, enjoying one of their companionable
silences, when at length Willow decided it would be a good time to
raise an idea she'd been giving a lot of consideration to. "Spike,
I've been thinking..." she began, uncertain of how she should
continue--or even if it was a good idea to do so at all. If he reacted
badly to what she had to say....

"Yeah, pet?" he encouraged when she didn't finish the sentence.

"Well...you know how, a couple of years ago, we were talking about,
um, that girl you...didn't hate? And how we sorta agreed it might be
better for you not to, you know, say anything or, or try to see where
it might lead?"

He was doing that preternatural stillness thing that still unnerved
her, even after all the time she'd spent with him the last year.
Willow couldn't decide if that was a good sign or not; obviously he
was trying to suppress *some* reaction to her tentative statement, but
whether it was a favourable one was another question entirely. He
didn't make any move to stop her, however, so she took a deep breath
and forced herself to continue.

"Well, anyway, I've been thinking about that a lot lately, and I was
wondering...would it really be so bad? I mean, it could be years
before the vampire thing would be an issue; we still don't seem to
have a way to get rid of the chip, and even if we did, frankly I'm
sure Buffy and Giles would never go for it, even if you promised not
to harm innocent people and stuff, but anyway, it means that your more
violent side wouldn't come between you by causing...her...um,
emotional distress, and it'll be, what, another twenty years or more
before her mortality will even be something worth beginning to worry
about, right? And I was thinking that maybe it would be worth whatever
pain your eventual breakup would cause, to be happy now. If you still
feel that way about her, I mean. Or am I just way off-base here?"

Her voice trailed off, and the words hung in the air between them for
some time as Spike tried to gather his thoughts.

"I understand what you're saying," he replied at last, "but it's not
that simple. For one thing, ten or twenty years seems like a long time
to humans--especially at your age. But for me, that's practically
right around the corner. Hardly any time at all, then it's back to
being alone. But I'm selfish, Willow; when I love someone, I do it
with my entire being, and I want them with me forever. And I do mean
that literally. And when the time comes, if we're together I'm very
much afraid I won't be able to resist the temptation to turn you, no
matter what your wishes may be," he admitted, deciding the time for
subterfuge was long past. It wasn't like she didn't already know he'd
been talking about her, after all.

"But who knows, it's possible we'll find we don't have whatever it
takes for a relationship to last that long to begin with. Goodness
knows I certainly don't have a good track record when it comes to long
relationships...."

"Maybe we won't. But even now, much as I care about you as you
are--and don't ever doubt that I do--there's a part of me that longs
to see what kind of vampire you'd make. There are times I want nothing
more than to kill you, and see what sort of demon ends up taking over
your body. I don't expect you to understand that--I'm not sure any
human could--but it's the truth."

It was now Willow's turn to give serious thought to what had been
said, and she did, not wanting to carelessly make a decision that had
the potential to completely change both their lives. "I...you're
right, I don't really understand that. I mean, the closest equivalent
I could think of would be for me to give you back your soul, to make
you more like me, I mean, but I wouldn't want that; I like the you
I've grown to know over the years, even with all the evil and violence
and stuff--as long as it's not directed at anyone, I mean; but they're
a part of who you are, those impulses--and if we gave you your soul,
you'd be a completely different person. Like Angel was when he lost
his, only in reverse.... And I don't want that. I know I should, but I
can't bring myself to want to hide you away and replace you with a
soul. So yeah, I can't understand why you would want to do the
opposite, get rid of my soul and replace me with a demon. I just
can't, and maybe I'd have to be a vampire myself before I could. Which
kinda defeats the purpose of trying to understand it, doesn't it?"

She sighed. "Maybe I'm the one being selfish, in wanting to try. I
mean...after Oz and Tara, I want...well, I realised when she came back
that I want what you had with Drusilla. Or, rather, what she had with
you; I know her side of the relationship wasn't what it should be, and
if we were to try this, I hope I would never be like her that way. Or
any way, really."

"Trust me, Willow," he interrupted, "you'll never have to worry about
turning into Dru."

"I hope you're right. But...yeah, I guess I want to be worshipped like
she was, to know someone's there who'll take care of me and protect me
if that's what I want, to feel I'm that important to someone else's
life. I want to know what it's like to be loved, well, the way *you*
love. By someone who leaves no opening for my doubts to convince me I
should question the truth of their affection. Even if it's just for a
few years, I want to be able to look back afterwards and remember that
I *had* that, once in my life. If there's even a chance you could love
me like that, I want to try. Because I think...," oh, gods, this was
scary! But it needed to be said, so she took a deep breath and forged
on. "...I think I could fall in love with you so easily."

They sat there in silence for some time, neither looking at the other,
just staring out into the night. Willow, though anxious for some
indication of how Spike felt about what she'd said, knew that in the
long run a poorly-considered acceptance would end up making her feel
worse than a flat-out rejection now, before she allowed herself the
opportunity to love him the way she thought she might; so she was in
some measure glad he was taking the time to think everything through
before replying. It didn't make the time pass any more quickly,
however, or the wait any less nerve-wracking.

After nearly half an hour of silent deliberation, she heard him speak
a single word.

"Yes."
 

read the sequal 'Borders of Infinity'

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