Alone at last. It was about bloody time; I was beginning to think the Watcher had even less of a life than I did. I'd been staying there for two months, and except for one two-day visit from that Olivia chick, I didn't think I'd ever seen him with anyone over the age of twenty. And on those rare occasions when he actually left, one of those kids was always left to keep an eye on me. It was insulting! Time was when they would never have dared leave me alone with just one of them. Just a few weeks ago they hadn't even trusted me to be in the same house with all five of 'em; but now.... They still didn't trust me, they just didn't consider me a threat anymore.

Hell, they were right.

No matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't do much more than threaten. And while it was fun at first, watching them flinch, smelling their fear, they'd grown used to me. I couldn't even intimidate a bunch of children--ones who surely must have known some of the things I'm capable of doing. Wait, make that the kind of things I *enjoy* doing. If the bloody Council of Watchers didn't start keeping notes on me after I killed two of their precious Slayers, they'd have to be even stupider than I thought. Not to mention all the delicious tales my dear sire could have told them of the good old days, when all of Europe was terrorised by me, Angelus, and Drusilla. Oh gods, Dru....

But apparently none of that mattered anymore, since I couldn't so much as lay a bloody finger on them. Yes, it's true, one of the baddest, fiercest, most vicious beings to walk the earth in the last hundred years was reduced to drinking pigs' blood provided by none other than the Vampire Slayer and her friends. I was pathetic.

But at last they'd left me alone in the Watcher's flat. I couldn't run away--it was broad daylight--but then, I wasn't planning to. Much easier--not to mention quicker--to do what I'd been thinking about for weeks.

Clearing my mind of all but the task immediately before me, I made my way through the flat, heedless of the uncovered windows. Upon reaching my goal, I tested the door. Had the situation been less grim, I probably would have laughed. Sardonically, mind you, but laughed all the same. The ever-so-careful Watcher actually failed to keep his weapons case locked. You'd think he didn't care about the safety of his houseguest. Hell, for all I knew he'd taken to leaving it unlocked *because* of me; the Slayer, at the least, had never really believed in my imp--my inability to harm anyone. She probably expected me to attack at any moment, having faked my weakness just to get near her. If that were true, I would've struck long before then; no way I could have faked it for so long, forced as I was to spend every moment around this lot. Never did have that kind of patience--or self-restraint.

Whatever the reason, it made this easier to do unobtrusively. I just stood there for a while, letting my eyes roam over the range of weapons, thinking of all the wonderful things I would love to do with them, driving all thoughts of what I was actually about to do out of my mind as I selected a sharp-looking stake and closed the door. There must be nothing to tell them what really happened. Next I opened the front door--just a crack, as if I'd run out and didn't stop to pull it tight behind me. Turning my back on it once more, I re-crossed the room to stand by one of the Watcher's plants. Reaching out very deliberately, I knocked the plant over, ensuring that enough of the soil spilt to act as camouflage for the dust. As far as anyone would be able to tell, I would simply disappear, perhaps to return at any moment, ready to strike fear in mortal hearts once more.

I still had my reputation to think of, after all.

Taking a deep breath for the hell of it, I stood over the dirt and raised the stake. I paused a moment to take aim before pulling it towards my heart.

Only to be interrupted by a cry from behind me and a sudden weight hanging from each arm.

Growling, I whipped my head to one side. It was that idiot Xander; on my other arm was Willow. I bared my fangs; it didn't seem to bother her. Of course, it wouldn't; after all, she was there when I discovered I was crippled. She knew first-hand how empty my threats had become. I shook them off, but it was too late--the girl had already grabbed the stake out of my hand. Well, if it couldn't be quick.... I turned and sprinted for the door.

"Xander!"

Bloody hell! How did he get there in time to slam the door shut? Oh, wait--forgot the boy's idea of fighting was to run and hide till the girls could rescue him. He was still alive, so that must mean he'd been fast enough to outrun at least a few of us over the years, living on the Hellmouth as he did.

I was far from pleased. Enough so that I considered beating him good and hard for interrupting me, despite the headaches.

Then I heard a whimpering sound from the corner, and turned to see the girl looking at me, my least favourite emotion--pity--on her face. With a final half-hearted growl, I slipped back into my human face and ordered them both to leave.

"No."

"What?!" I roared.

"Um, yeah, Will--care to enlighten me as to why we're keeping Spike from leaving?"

Without waiting to hear her answer, I stormed off to my room and slammed the door behind me. I fell back onto the bed and just stared at the ceiling, willing them to leave me alone in my misery. I wasn't too surprised to hear the door gently open and the girl come sit tentatively next to me, however; it had been a bloody long time since anything had gone as I wished.

"Spike?" she ventured uncertainly. When that failed to earn so much as a growl, she grew braver. "Spike, what is it? What's wrong?"

I remained silent, hoping she would give up and go away. When that didn't work, I eventually decided "what the hell"; after all, she'd already witnessed several of my most humiliating moments of the past few years, and yet she had never threatened or mocked me in the whole time I had been stuck depending on them. If she was going to sit there all damn afternoon anyway, I might as well tell her.

"And where would you like me to start, love? I mean, ever since I first came to this bloody town I've had my lovely plans foiled by that bint of a Slayer. Now that I've seen what you lot are like in action, that's even more humiliating, let me tell you. Then there's having my spine crushed and having to spend all that time in that blasted wheelchair. Where I was stuck when Angelus got de-poofed and came back to seduce my Dru away from me; I got to watch her crawl all over him and couldn't do a damn thing about it. To get rid of him I actually had to propose working with the Slayer. I *eat* Slayers, I don't go around asking for their bloody help! And it didn't even *work*!! Yeah, Angel was gone, but Dru never really came back to me...."

"She didn't? But I thought...I thought you went back to torture her into loving you again," Willow said a few moments later, pulling me out of my memories.

"Yeah, well, that didn't work for long. No matter what I did, it wasn't cruel enough for her. And then she just...left. Ran off with a bleedin' fungus demon while I was out hunting for a suitable gift for *her*. How could she just throw everything away like that? We were together for over a hundred years; how could she suddenly stop caring?" I knew I was whinging, but I couldn't help it. I always broke down at the thought of Dru's abandoning me. But I was not going to cry this time, I was *not*. Aw hell, I was.... "She dumped me. Three times in two years, my Dru decided I wasn't good enough. What's wrong with me? Even that empty-headed Harm wouldn't take me back."

"Yeah, well, Harmony's never exactly been the type to have a hundred-year relationship. Heck, half her 'boyfriends' didn't even exist. Besides, didn't you stake her?"

"Well, yes, but what difference should that make? She always liked it when I was violent with her before; reminded me of my Princess that way. It was the only reason I kept her around to begin with, but it didn't work. She wasn't good enough. And let's face it, Drusilla may have been insane, but at least she had an excuse. Harm was just bloody *stupid*. Not really like my Dru at all. God, I love her...."

"At least she left you for somebody, not because she wanted to go off and 'tame her inner wolf'," she said glumly.

For the first time, I turned to look up at the girl. The sorrow in her face was very familiar, and I knew I'd been right, she wasn't dealing well with her own abandonment. Oh, yeah, she understood just what I was talking about. We spent a few minutes languishing in our mutual misery before my body forcibly reminded me of yet another problem.

"And I haven't had a decent meal in *weeks*," I muttered.

"Huh? I've picked up your...food...some days myself."

"It's not the same. And I'm not talking about just missing the hunt, either. Living off of old pigs' blood is like...well, like for a human living entirely off of junk food. Not exactly recommended."

"Oh, Xander does that all the time...." I raised my head again to give her a Look. The chit had the sense to blush. "Oh. I see what you mean."

"Anyway, it keeps me going, but it's not very nourishing, and I'm still pretty damn hungry all the time."

We sat there in silence for a bit before she got up and left the room. I sensed her return a couple minutes later; she resumed her seat on the bed.

"I want you to promise me something."

"What?"

"Promise first, then information." Something in her voice reminded me of the year before, when she actually dared stand up to me. Less fear this time, but the same unexpected strength. It amused me.

"All right, pet, I promise. Now, what is it I've agreed to do?"

"Not drain me," she answered calmly.

Not exactly a response I was anticipating. "Sorry?" I asked, sitting up. Willow had a sharp-looking kitchen knife in her hands, of all things. Surprised, I could only watch as she used it to nick one wrist.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm giving you a...a snack. But that's all! Remember, you promised--no draining," she informed me sternly.

I couldn't help it; I just stared at her, shocked. She waved her wrist in front of my face and said, "You're not going to let me sit here bleeding for nothing, are you, Spike? Are you sure you're a vampire?"

That did it. I growled briefly at her for that last remark, then bent to suck hungrily at her vein. I finally pulled back when I felt a headache threatening, and wrapped one hand firmly around her wrist.

"Pressure will help it stop bleeding faster," I explained in response to her questioning glance.

"Oh."

Before I lost my nerve, I muttered a quiet "thanks". I hated the mere thought of a pity suck, but I couldn't deny that I felt better with fresh human blood in me once more. Better enough that I couldn't bear to meet her eyes. She'd already known how pathetic I was--well, as much as she was going to hear; somehow I doubted Willow could understand how miserable the simple lack of violence was making me--but it somehow felt different now, more humiliating. I lay back down and closed my eyes, hoping she would understand that this conversation was over.

*** *** ***

Thankfully, the girl just sat there quietly. After a while I heard the front door open and the Slayer and Watcher come in. That idiot Xander told them some confused story that proved he was even more stupid than I'd thought, since it was clear he had no idea what I'd been doing when he and Willow had interrupted. It didn't matter, though, because as soon as he mentioned that the girl had spent the last half hour alone with me, the Slayer came bursting in, ready for a fight.

"All right, Spike, I don't know what you're doing, but it's going to stop right--" she was yelling as she came through the door.

"Buffy, shh! I think he's sleeping," Willow broke in.

Much to my surprise, Buffy actually lowered her voice. "Will, *what* is going on here? Why are you sitting here with Spike?!"

In answer to that last, she just raised the arm that still had my hand clamped around it. "He's putting pressure on my wrist to stop the bleeding," she explained matter-of-factly.

"Bleeding?" Uh oh. The Slayer's voice had taken on that determined, no-nonsense tone I had learned to dread. Definitely not a good time for me to "wake up". "Willow, *what* *did* *he* *do* *to* *you*?"

"Nothing! I did! I did to me! Spike didn't want to, I had to force him into it, honest, Buffy!" I damn near gave myself away, struggling not to laugh at Willow's protests.

"Force him into what? And why is there a knife in here? Give me one good reason why I shouldn't just stake him right now."

"Well, how about because he'd want you to?"

"Huh? Not following here, Will."

"Didn't Xander tell you?"

"Nothing that made any sense. He kept babbling about Giles' plant and the sun."

"Oh. Well, when we got here," she lowered her voice further, "Spike was about to stake himself."

"Come again?"

"Yeah, I know. But it's true. And then when we stopped him, he tried to run outside into the sunlight."

"Call me crazy, but why *did* you stop him?" A very good question; I wanted the answer to that myself. "This is Spike we're talking about here. He's kidnapped you, tried to kill you I don't know how many times...yeah, he's harmless now, but he's still evil, and useless; he hasn't even given us any information on the commando guys."

"Well, I guess I...I kind of understand how he feels. I mean, that whole having Dru leave him thing and all." Bloody hell, was the chit going to repeat everything I'd told her? I barely restrained a warning growl. Luckily for her, Willow skipped over the rest--and how I'd felt about Dru had already been common knowledge. "Evil or not, no one should feel that bad. It's just wrong," she declared fiercely.

"Hey, Will, are you okay?" The Slayer actually sounded concerned for a change.

"It just makes me mad, Buffy." She took a deep breath before continuing. "Anyway, I followed him in here to make sure he wasn't going to...you know...and we talked for a while, then I decided to let him drink from me. I mean, it can't be pleasant for him, being forced to come to us for help and then having to live on what we feed him. And don't look at me like that! I'm not stupid, I was careful. I sterilized the knife, and made him promise not to drain me first. I don't think he took much at all; I've felt worse after a blood drive. I'll be fine. Now. When I get my arm back, I'll come out and help you guys with the research. But for now, please just leave me alone, okay, Buff?"

There was a moment of silence before the Slayer, sounding rather subdued, agreed. I heard her cross to the still-open door before Willow spoke up again.

"Oh, and Buffy? Could you bring me something to read while I wait?"

"Sure thing, Will." She soon returned, then left again, this time shutting the door behind her.

For the next hour or so I lay there, eyes closed, listening to the sound of the girl's breathing, the occasional turning of the pages in her book, the rest of the humans discussing me in the other room. I tried to get my thoughts in order. Obviously, staking myself was out, for the time being at least. For one thing, after this they'd have no doubts about what happened to me, and I definitely didn't want to have the last mention of me in those books the Watchers keep be that in the end, a Slayer didn't have to stake me, because I'd saved her the trouble. To be honest, I'd lost my nerve anyway. And hell, while I was being so frank with myself, I had to admit there was a third reason I wouldn't be making another attempt any time soon--and she was sitting on the bed with me. Something in her voice as she announced that no one should feel suicidal (I could almost hear her asking "is it still killing yourself if you're already dead?"; that girl's mind worked in the strangest ways) made me think she had been there herself, and it worried me. I shouldn't have been surprised that the Slayer hadn't heard it--or, at least, had let herself be convinced it wasn't really there; after all, she still believed her friend was coping well with the loss of her wolf. But I could see otherwise, and I remembered how she had automatically assumed the reason I'd been unable to bite her was that there was something wrong with *her*. Now I was afraid that if I turned up dust after she had tried so hard to make me feel better, she would believe it was somehow her fault. Had I been feeling more myself, I wouldn't have cared, but just then...well, it meant a lot to me. The Slayer was right, I had repeatedly given Willow cause to fear and hate me, yet when had she ever tried to harm me in return? Well, she'd hit me over the head with a lamp, but as I'd just been trying to kill her, I could hardly hold that against her; besides, her first instinct had been to try and cheer me up about this whole piercing headache thing. And yeah, that bloody spell that had me engaged to the Slayer, of all people...but now that the taste of her was gone from my mouth, I had to admit that the whole mess would have been rather funny had I not been caught up in the spell myself. And who was I to object to a good revenge spell? It was a bleedin' shame that the rest of us had to suffer as we did when she didn't even get her wolf back. Poor chit. It was bloody unfair. The idiot had his annoying former demon, the Slayer was apparently starting to get close to that Riley chap the girls kept blathering about...hell, even the Watcher had that Olivia. Yet the kindest, most compassionate one among them was alone, and clearly suffering because of it.

That blasted Judge had been right; I did have too much humanity left in me. What the hell was wrong with me? Feeling sympathy for a human.
Maybe all those years of loving Dru really had made me soft after all.

I decided it was time to "wake up" when I heard the conversation in the other room turn to coming in and staking me no matter what Willow had said. I opened my eyes and did my best to appear surprised as I  said, "Still here, pet?"

She looked down at me, startled. "Oh! You're awake. Well, obviously, I mean, unless you're talking in your sleep. Do vampires do that? Never mind, forget I said that. Um. Anyway, yeah, I'm still here. Thought about leaving you alone, but, well, I decided I didn't want to leave my arm behind," the girl continued apologetically, once more lifting the arm I'd been holding.

"Sorry 'bout that. Was I holding too tight?" I released her wrist, giving it a fleeting caress before I broke contact entirely, just for the hell of it. I barely restrained a smirk as she blushed, flustered. "From the noise in the other room, I'd say the rest of your little gang has arrived. You probably should go out there and show them you're still alive; somehow I don't think they quite trust me."

"Y'know, I kinda think you're right about that," she agreed. I watched as she gathered her book and the knife, and began to leave the room. From the door, she turned back to me. "Aren't you coming?"

"In a minute. I'd like some time to myself first."

She hesitated. "I'm not sure that's a good idea. I mean, you might decide to climb out the window or something...."

"Willow. I will join you in a moment. I promise." I guess she believed me this time, as she just looked at me for a beat before slipping out, closing the door behind her. I needed the time not so much to think--I'd been doing too much of that as it was--as to pull myself together. Yeah, they already knew how pathetic I'd become, but with any luck if I went out there acting more like my old self, they'd be too intimidated to comment on it. I bloody well hoped so, at least. Remind them of what would be in store for them if we figured out what the hell had happened to me, and I was the Big Bad again. Though I rather thought I might spare Willow when that time came. Of them all, she was the only one who'd been kind to me, the reason they were giving me what little help they were. When I first came begging for assistance, no one had believed I was harmless until she confirmed it. I would have continued starving had it not been for her; it was only right that I consider letting her live unharmed in return....

Once I felt ready to face them all, I silently slipped into the hallway to await an appropriate moment. I never could resist making an entrance. I listened patiently as Willow once more tried to convince them that she was all right and knew what she was doing when she offered me her blood. It seemed she might have been getting somewhere until she mentioned my promise not to take too much again, and the Slayer went beserk.

"And you believed him?! Will, this is Spike we're talking about! Promises mean nothing to him."

"I don't believe that."

"Not two years ago he promised to leave the country and never come back, yet he's already returned to Sunnydale three times!"

"Willow's right," I declared, stepping into the room, trying to ignore the glares sent in my direction. I got out a cigarette and lit it, in deliberate defiance of the Watcher's rule against smoking in the bleedin' flat. "I keep my promises." The silly humans just continued to stare at me in disbelief. "What? A demon's got to have standards, after all."

"Then how do you explain your presence here, Mr. I'll-take-Drusilla-out-of-the-country-and-you'll-never-see-us-again?"

"Easy, Slayer. One: I did take her out of the country. Two: You haven't seen *us* since then--just me. And three: I never promised. I said I hoped you wouldn't see us, and I did. Not my fault she kept driving me back here."

"That's funny, from what I heard, it was. You couldn't keep her satisfied, so every time she turned to someone else you came crawling back to Sunnydale."

That did it. Pain or no pain, she was going to pay for that. I took a menacing step towards her.

"Buffy--" Willow warned.

"What, are you threatening me now? Hey, guys, look, the big teddy bear's going to beat me up! I'm so frightened."

"Buffy, that's enough. Let's not forget that we have no idea how long Spike is going to be...incapacitated."

"I'd suggest you listen to your Watcher, Goldilocks. You seem to be forgetting that I don't have pesky little things like morals or even gratitude to get in the way of my revenge."

"And you're forgetting that every time we fight, I kick your ass. So if I were you, I wouldn't be making any threats." She had left her seat to approach me, and was now standing maybe a foot away, glaring up at me. Had I hated her any less, it would have been amusing, someone her size threatening me. As it was, though, I was so angry I felt my fists clench and had to struggle to keep them by my side.

"Well. Feel the love in this room."

I had to hand it to the kid; he may have been an idiot, but he did succeed in disarming the tension. If there was one thing the Slayer, her Watcher, and I could do together, it was glare at Xander.

"Buffy, sit back down. Spike, stop provoking her. Please?"

I started to protest that she was the one provoking me, but a glance at Willow's face showed she was genuinely upset, and I decided that as long as I was stuck depending on these people, I could at least not make things harder on the only one who'd been nice to me. Well, not *all* the time.

"All right, pet. I'll back off if she will." With any luck, she wouldn't, and I'd get to fight *and* make Buffy look like the bad guy.

Unfortunately, the Slayer didn't look too happy about it, but she nodded warily and returned to her seat.

"Thank you. Now, I'm going to say this one last time, and I want you to listen to what I'm saying for once. Yes, I fed Spike. But it was entirely my idea. He didn't hurt me--even tried to talk me out of it. Or, at least, I had to force him to actually drink once I'd made the cut. I feel fine, he didn't take much at all--you know he couldn't have hurt me. And I'm tired of everyone treating me like I can't take care of myself. I know what I'm doing! I mean, okay, sometimes a spell gets away from me, but all of you have made mistakes, too! But no, it's always 'have to protect Willow' and 'don't mention Oz, it might upset Willow'. Well, I'm sick of it! If I want to try a new spell, or...or let a vampire drink from me, then by golly, I will, and I don't care what any of you say!" Before any of us had time to recover enough to respond to her tirade, Willow had grabbed her bag and stormed out of the flat.

After a moment of stunned silence, the Slayer spoke up. "Raise your hand if 'huh?'"

"Yeah, where did that come from? That's not like Will."

"Buffy, has Willow been under an unusual amount of stress lately? In her schoolwork perhaps?"

"Not that I've noticed," she shrugged.

"You really don't see it, do you?" I took a last drag from my cigarette before putting it out and continuing. "You chaps claim to be her friends, yet you're all so caught up in your own pathetic little lives that you're too busy to pay any attention to what she might be going through."

"That is so not true! We love Will. And what do you know about it, anyway?"

"Well, for starters there's the wolf. How long after he left did you wait before deciding she wouldn't want or didn't need to talk about it, just because you lot didn't want to be bothered with her pain? You all pretended to yourselves that she was coping with it, and even after she cast that ghastly spell and you were proven wrong, did anyone truly try to get her to talk about what she was feeling?" I paused a moment to allow the truth of their guilt to sink in. "And how many times have you considered what it must be like for her, seeing all her friends in relationships while she's alone?"

"Hey! We've all been in that situation at one time or another; we deal."

"Yeah, Buff, but when you were alone because Angel was in Hell, Will kept making the rest of us act uncouply so you wouldn't feel so bad.... Damn, does this mean Fangboy is right?"

"Of course I'm right," I scoffed. "And I imagine that she was *very* supportive when you and the poof were pretending to yourselves that you could be just friends."

"Oh, god. Giles, he's right! I have to make this up to her.... I'm taking the night off. You and Xander will have to patrol; I need to do girly stuff with Will."

"Like that's going to solve her problems...." I muttered, unable to stop myself.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but Spike has a point. While I will of course release you from patrolling for tonight, I don't think it's going to be much help in the grand scheme of things."

"Nonsense. There's nothing a gallon of ice cream and a good makeover won't cure."

"Bloody hell," the Watcher and I found ourselves commenting simultaneously.

I decided I had to get out, my work there was done. Their attention had quite effectively been diverted from myself, and with any luck I may have been able to return the favours Willow had done me. I wasn't very optimistic about that last part--they'd probably forget about her again in a day or so--but what the hell. I returned to my room to mope some more until the sun went down and I could really get away from these blasted humans for a bit.

*** *** ***

I was awakened early the following afternoon when the little witch burst into my room, yelling. "How *dare* you?! You...you...I don't know what you are, but it's very bad!"

"Huh?" What can I say, I've never been very coherent upon waking up. "What the hell are you going on about?"

"What did you tell them?" she demanded.

"What did I tell who about what? Love, if you want answers you're going to have to help me understand what it is you're asking."

"You know very well what I'm asking. What did you say to Buffy, Xander, and Giles about me?"

"Oh, that."

"Oh, that," she mimicked. "Yes, that! Well?"

What the bloody hell was she so angry about? "All I did was tell them some of the reasons your little outburst yesterday took them by surprise, even though they should have seen it coming."

"What right do you have to go around saying *anything* about me?"

Her attitude was starting to get on my nerves. "What right? Look, pet, I spoke unwanted truths that they're too self-absorbed to see or admit to themselves. It's what I do. And you started it; did you want them to just ignore what you'd said, like they always do? I was *trying* to do you a favour!"

"Well, don't! I don't want any more favours like that!"

"Fine! No more attempts to be nice from me! Though I still don't see what I did that's so bloody awful."

"Because, it doesn't count if they have to be told!" she yelled before bursting into tears. I got up to close the door and led her to a chair. "If...if they start paying attention to me just because someone made them feel guilty, I don't want it. I'd rather be alone than an object of pity to my own friends," she confessed.

Damn. I hate it when people cry. At least, I hate it when they're not crying because they're afraid of me.... "Listen, I'm sure your little friends will soon forget all about this and go back to ignoring your pain, business as usual."

That got a half-hearted smile out of her. "Geez, Spike, anyone ever tell you you've got a real way of cheering a girl up?"

"Well, usually when I'm cheering up a beautiful girl, it doesn't involve talking to her," I replied with just a hint of a leer, trying to lighten the mood a bit. "Unfortunately, doing what I'm really good at would have your blasted Slayer after me for real."

Willow blushed, predictably enough, but said, "You know, I've been told that in a few days she'll only see what she wants to where I'm concerned, so...." Her voice trailed off suggestively.

My eyebrows shot up in surprise. "I'm impressed, love," I told her honestly. "I like to think I'm more observant than you humans, but I must confess I never expected you were capable of a comeback like that."

The chit actually giggled before sniffling and wiping the last of the tears from her eyes. "Just because I never actually say anything doesn't mean I can't think of them."

"I can see that."

"I can flirt with the best of 'em," she continued in mock pride. "Just, it's usually only in my head, 'cause when I'm faced with a living, breathing boy I freeze. But, see, you're not. Living, I mean. Or breathing. So I guess it doesn't count. And now I'm rambling again, so I'll just stop." And she did, for a bit. "Um, Spike?"

"Yeah, pet?"

"Thanks."

"Don't mention it." Pause. "I mean that, by the way. Can't have people thinking I've gone soft."

"My lips are sealed."

"Good. Now, do you think you can pull yourself together enough to go out there and do whatever it is your little gang does when the world isn't about to end?"

She gave me a weak but genuine smile. "Yeah. Back to good old reliable Willow. I'll, uh, talk to you later, I suppose?"

She was almost out the door when I spoke again, so softly that had it not been for her slight pause, I would not have believed she could hear me.

"Willow? I'm sorry."

As soon as I'd said it, I wondered what was wrong with me. Aside from the obvious lack-of-violence thing, that is. In less than a day I had thanked, stood up for, comforted, and now apologised to a bloody human. It was unbearable. I resolved to go back to treating her with as little care as I did the rest of them, before anyone started getting any wrong ideas.

It was rather simple to avoid her the next few days. I mostly stayed in my room in the afternoons, when they were likely to drop by to see the Watcher, and as soon as the sun went down I took off. Spent a lot of time skulking around dark alleys, stayed away from the Bronze just in case they decided to turn up. Besides, if I couldn't hunt, there was absolutely no reason for me to go there. The one time I got roped into helping them research, I simply ignored the witch completely.

So it caught me by surprise when she opened the front door a couple of days later and stuck her head into the flat.

"Giles?" she called.

"He's gone out," I said from my chair across the room, well out of the path of any sunlight that might shine through the doorway. Without waiting for a response, I returned to my book.

"Oh, good," she said, opening the door wide enough to allow her to slip inside. "I was hoping to talk to you alone."

"About?"

"Well, um. I wanted to give you this," she said timidly, bringing what looked like a small cooler over to where I was sitting. Grudgingly, I opened it, and froze when I saw the contents.

Blood. Several bags of it.

"I--I wanted to apologise for yelling at you like that the other day, and I don't always do well when I have to actually talk to someone, as you may have noticed, so I was trying to think of some way to show you how sorry I am. And then I realised...and I went to the hospital and told them I needed some blood for a science project.... I know it's not fresh, and most of it's diseased and stuff, but at least it's human..." she trailed off. I was too overwhelmed to reply. It must have made her nervous, for she added uncertainly, "That's okay, isn't it? I mean, it won't make you sick or anything, that it's bad, will it?"

"No, it's fine, love," I forced myself to tell her.

"I-it's not a lot, and I'm afraid you'll have to ration yourself--I doubt they'd believe me if I went back for more too soon--but it's the best I could do."

"It's...beautiful," I said, not bothering to keep the awe and gratitude I was feeling out of my voice. "I can't remember the last time someone did something this nice for me."

She must have understood what I was trying to tell her without my having to actually say the words--again--because she smiled for the first time and said simply, "You're welcome."

I had started to go put my new treat in the fridge when she spoke up again.

"Oh! Please don't do that! Keep it hidden, in your room or something. You can have the cooler. I just...don't want the others to find out; I don't think they would understand. Buffy especially."

I looked at her for a second, then returned to where she was sitting, and knelt by her chair. "I don't suppose you're in the mood for an unwanted truth of your own, are you, pet?"

She looked away guiltily and shook her head.

"All right," I conceded, "then I won't tell you that it might be time you looked for some new friends, or mention that you'll never really be happy until you stop letting fear of their disapproval keep you from doing things that you want to do. Because I think that, deep down, you already know all this, pet, so it won't matter if you don't hear it from someone else."

She had avoided meeting my eyes, but I could tell from the way her body tensed that I had, indeed, hit a nerve. I thought about pressing the issue, forcing her to talk about it, then decided to back off instead. She was supposed to be the smart one; maybe she'd figure it out for herself. And it wouldn't do either of us any good if I made her so uncomfortable she decided that helping me was a mistake. So instead of forcing her to admit how unhealthy this dependence on her friends' opinions was, I stood up and took the cooler towards my room.

"But don't worry, no one will find out you were even here," I assured her.

I don't know if she heard me, as by the time I had deposited the cooler in the closet and returned to the other room, she was gone.

Silly chit.

But it didn't matter if she heard or not; I knew full well that if I hoped to get a restock once this supply ran out, the Slayer must not have a chance to stop it. And if she so much as knew of Willow's precious gift, she'd be able to talk her out of repeating it without any trouble. If only the girl weren't so damn concerned with what others thought.... Well, I would just have to keep working on that.

The first step, I figured, was to not put her in a position where she felt she had to oppose the brats to be nice to me. Not again, anyway. Not yet. And since she seemed incapable of not standing up for anyone she saw as defenseless, it meant keeping threats from the Slayer at a minimum. So I did my best to be polite--bugger that. To not antagonise her or her Watcher any more than absolutely necessary. It was surprisingly...less difficult...than I had feared. A few judicious sips before going out to face the Slayer and her groupies kept my motivation fresh in my mind, the lingering taste of good old human blood on my tongue a sufficient reminder of what was at stake. So to speak.

A bonus of my restraint was that I had a better chance to observe the way they treated the witch.... I hadn't realised before just how much time had been consumed by threats and counter-threats, sarcastic comments (from all sides, thank you; though I admit that most of the others' were directed at me), and frequently Willow's pleas to all of us to play nice. Once I started staying (mostly) out of it...it's like they began to forget I was there, and I could see how their little group interacted for real. The more I learned, the more obvious it became that I'd been right. Driving a wedge between Willow and the rest wouldn't take much work at all, at which point convincing her they'd all treated me unfairly and that I was deserving of further help should be a breeze.

At least in the vampire world, we're honest about our power structure. You won't find one of us saying "yeah, mate, you're my top minion" and then proceeding to completely ignore the blighter. I guess we leave that behind with the rest of our humanity. Because for someone who was called "my best friend" by both the Slayer and the idiot, Willow sure seemed to be alone a lot. The pattern was clearly well-established: a new demon or prophecy turned up, Buffy complained about never being allowed to have a normal life (generally right before declaring she was going on a date instead of doing her job), Xander ate all their food before going off to shag his bit of skirt, and everyone expected Willow to do all the research that would end up saving their sorry little asses. Again. Unless there had already been an attack on the Slayer or her boyfriend, that is--apparently that was enough to make her take a threat seriously. Oh, sure, the Watcher helped out, but it was clear her peers considered Willow to be the researcher of their little gang, not one of them, in the let's-be-irresponsible-kids sense. On the rare occasions that they all hung out at the Watcher's without any unusual evil looming, they obviously thought they were including her in their conversations and games, but it was hard to detect much warmth between them. Seemed out of habit more than anything else. Her opinions were asked, but not listened to unless they had to do with research, her offers of help were brushed off. It was almost as if they were going through the motions of being friends; quite different from
what I remembered from my first stay in this bloody town.

Hell of a situation for a sensitive kid like her, outcast among her own best mates. Probably wondering what she did wrong, or if she's just imagining things. But that was all right; over the next few weeks she'd learn to believe she had a new friend, all her own, who didn't give a damn about the Slayer or her groupies.

Me.

I only hoped the human blood supply lasted long enough.

*** *** ***

I began following her when they went out at night, from a great enough distance to remain undetected. That act alone revitalised me; to once again be stalking someone--not in a simple hunt, but with a longer-term goal in mind--well, it was another thing I'd missed. Add it to the list of what I owed the girl. It was just like the good old days, hours spent watching from the shadows, observing, learning...planning.

That's why I was there when one night a group of vampires attacked. The Slayer was handling the situation herself, Willow and the idiot prudently backing away from the fight, out of danger. Until, that is, more vamps came from behind, clearly intending to snack on the unsuspecting witch. Without even thinking, I flew from my hiding place, managing to reach the second group just as they were about to grab Willow. With a growl I drew their attention away from her and braced for their attack. They were clearly newly-risen, hardly a challenge. Before I knew it, they were all dust, and I turned around to find the three humans staring at me, two in disbelief, one in concern.

"Are you all right?" The question seemed sincere.

"Yeah, sure," I said, too distracted by the novelty of having someone actually care how I felt to realise at first just what that meant. "Hang on--yeah, I feel fine. Maybe my head's fixed itself--let me test it." I launched myself at Xander, only to collapse in pain. "Damn it!"

"Not buying it, Spike. I *knew* you were faking your helplessness! Now, care to tell me why, or do I have to beat it out of you?"

That girl has a real knack for getting on my nerves. "Look, Slayer, while I'd like nothing more than to be able to kill you, I honestly can't even hit the idiot. Besides, you should be thanking me for saving Willow."

"It's true. There were a bunch of vamps right behind me--I counted at least five or six. Too many for me to have held off on my own."

"Yeah. And since you couldn't defend her...." In my present condition, it was perhaps a bit foolish to taunt the Slayer, but bloody hell, she annoyed me.

"You just stepped in and did it yourself." I just shrugged. "And despite being supposedly unable to hurt anything, you were able to fight the vamps...how?"

"Look, I don't know why I could fight them but can't even rid myself of Xander there--"

"Hey!"

"--but obviously I could. Somehow."

"Oh! Oh! Maybe it's 'cause, well, they're already dead. And--and demons, and all. Maybe you just can't hurt living things. Well, it's a thought...."

"Whatever, Will. And just what were you doing here in the first place, Spike? Spying on us?"

Damn. I'd never intended to get close enough for them to see me, so I hadn't prepared a good excuse. "Now, why would I do that when I'm living at your Watcher's and could spy on you quite easily there? No, I was just...out for a walk. I *am* allowed to do that, you know. Heard trouble. Decided to lend a hand."

"Uh huh. Kindness from you; I'll believe that when I see it."

"Look here, Slayer--"

"Buffy, be nice! He just saved my life. And if I'm right, and he can still hurt demons and vamps and other baddies, you might need his help someday. Do you really want to antagonise him?" Then Willow turned to me. "Spike, thank you. I-if it weren't for you, I'd be dead by now. Or worse." She shuddered.

"Yeah. Well. I'll just go on with my walk now." I had to get away from them before my appearance of unconcern failed me completely. On the bright side, my having rescued her was bound to help my plan of convincing Willow I was her friend. Wait, there were two bright sides--if she was right, then I could still get my daily spot of violence even if I couldn't hunt. Fighting demons was more of a challenge any day; humans were so fragile. Perking up at the thought, I decided I might as well test her little theory, now that following them was pointless; the Slayer would surely be looking for me.

The chit was right; smart girl, that. I ran into three of my former minions, who'd obviously heard I was unable to fight. I took great pleasure in proving them wrong. It was enough to put me in a good mood for the next day or so, despite the fact that I was still unable to feed properly.

It's a good thing, too, as the following evening found me being roped into playing babysitter. I didn't resist as much as I might have, though, as it would give me a chance to talk to Willow away from the rest of the group. Xander and Anya had already left, and Buffy, self-absorbed as ever, was more concerned about being late for her date than seeing that her friend got home safely.

"She could come with me and we could both walk her back, but I don't think Riley will understand why Willow shouldn't be walking around Sunnydale alone just because it's after dark."

"Buffy, you know I can't leave right now. It will have to be you; there's no one else, and I will not have anyone out there alone. It's too dangerous."

"But Giles..." she began to whine, before brightening. "I know! Spike can take her!"

"What?!" I don't imagine my expression was much different from the astonished disbelief on the Watcher's face.

"Well, since we learned last night that he can fight other vamps, but still couldn't hurt Will, why not? It's about time he started earning his keep, anyway."

"I have to admit, there does seem to be a sort of...poetic justice in having Spike protect someone he was threatening to kill just last year--"

"Hey! In case you haven't noticed, I did let her go. Of my own free will, no less. How long are you people going to hold that against me?"

Giles paused long enough to glare at me before continuing. "--*however*, though it's easy to forget living on the Hellmouth, not all danger is supernatural. How would he be able to protect her from ordinary human muggers or, or rapists or what have you?"

A glance at the girl in question, who'd remained surprisingly quiet as everyone talked around her, revealed that she seemed mortified that they believed her incapable of taking care of herself even long enough to get back to her dorm. I decided this would be a perfect opportunity to show her what a great guy I am.

"First of all, what rapist is going to attack a girl who's not alone? If a human does do something stupid, I may not be able to fight, but I can still scare them away. Hellmouth or not, how many of them wouldn't run when suddenly faced with this?" I asked, shifting to demon face. "And if that doesn't work, I can't believe Willow doesn't have a protection spell or two she could use. Come on, pet." Without giving her time to object, I left the flat, knowing she would follow shortly. I was right.

"Um, Spike?"

"Yeah?"

"You might want to go back to your human face until there's trouble. This one will be much more effective as a scare tactic if it's a surprise."

"Oh. Right. Forgot about that."

I shifted features again, and we walked in silence for a few minutes.

"I'm surprised Buffy sent you out alone with me." No response. "Though I don't quite see why you need an escort in the first place; you've survived this long on the Hellmouth, surely you know how to take care of yourself by now."

"Yeah, well, we try not to be outside alone after dark. Survival tactic and all. Except for Buffy, that is," she answered glumly.

"So the Slayer's got a date, isn't that bloody marvellous. Y'know, perhaps I should be thanking that Riley bloke, for distracting her enough that she hasn't bothered to stake me...."

Was that a ghost of a smile I saw? "Riley has nothing to do with her not staking you yet."

"Oh? And what would the real reason be, pet?"

She thought for a few minutes, then seemed to come to a decision. "You can't tell anyone about this, okay? And I'm not even a hundred percent certain I'm right--she's never said anything to me about it. But I doubt you're in any real danger from her while you're unable to hurt anyone."

"And why is that? What's stopping her from getting rid of me for good while she has the chance?"

"Because," she replied as if the answer should have been obvious, "that'd be like cheating." She paused, trying to find a way to explain.

"Don't get me wrong, Buffy hates you as much as you hate her. And if you did something that somehow harmed one of us, she'd stake you in a
heartbeat. But she'd really prefer to do it in a fair fight. I think that she secretly considers you probably the only worthy opponent she's faced. I mean, Buffy doesn't lose; she just doesn't. Her own death couldn't stop her from destroying the Master, her love for Angel didn't prevent her from sending him to Hell to get rid of Acathla. Did you know that her mother tried to burn her--and me, actually, and poor Amy--at the stake once?"

"Wait a second--Joyce?!"

"Yeah. Well, there was a demon causing her to do it. And Buffy killed it while still tied to the stake. She had to fight and nearly kill another Slayer in order to stop the mayor's Ascension last year, not to mention blowing up the library that had become like a second home to us--but she did it.

"Yet she's never really been able to defeat you. Oh, sure, she foils your evil plans and all, but...she hasn't been able to kill you, and fear of her hasn't even been sufficient to keep you away. You're like--" She cut off abruptly.

"Like what?" I prodded.

"Like the Energizer bunny," she giggled. I glared. "I'm sorry, I couldn't help it. Anyway. Um. Oh, right, Buffy. I think it's a matter of pride now. She's determined to be the one who kills you--as it were--at last, and she'd really like to know that she really did beat you herself. If she staked you now, it wouldn't count, it'd be like she needed the unknowing help of those commandos to do it. No fun."

"Is that so?"

"Yeah. Besides, she likes fighting you. So few of the baddies are willing to do the trading-witty-barbs thing, which isn't as easy as it looks, let me tell you, and if you're going to the trouble of coming up with them, you at least want the person they're directed at to acknowledge your efforts, you know?"

I thought for a bit about what she'd said. "Thanks, pet. I'd been wondering why I'm still here even though I couldn't actually provide much information about those military blokes."

"In a way, she sort of respects you. Not as a person, 'cause you've got that whole evil and violent thing working against you, but as a fighter."

"Huh. Well, for what it's worth, I suppose I'd have to say much the same for her. I'll never like her, but she is the only Slayer who's caused me this much trouble. I guess that's part of why I keep coming back here--I *really* want to be the one who kills her. Do you have any idea how much it galls me that I've had to ask for her help? *Twice*?"

"Probably not. But, see, that's another thing she can't help but respect. You've proven yourself capable of putting aside your differences and hatred when it's necessary. Enough to keep from killing her temporarily, at least. Yeah, you're evil, but you're also intelligent enough to know when your goals would best be served by calling a truce. Not to mention confident enough to actually suggest it in the first place."

"Oh I am, am I?" I asked, amused by this relative child's analysis of me--and intrigued as well. "That might explain why the Slayer puts up with me, however grudgingly. Now what about you?"

"What about me?"

"Well, I don't say this often, but Buffy does have a point. I could easily have killed you last year. I was going to kill you that night at your dorm--and would have done, if not for the headaches. That wasn't all that long ago. So why are you nice to me, pet?"

"Oh. Well," she began nervously, "I guess it's just because I've never been able to be mean to anyone that wasn't actually trying to hurt me or someone else. Even then, it's kind of iffy. I have this thing about violence. I don't like it."

She seemed a bit flustered at having the conversation turn to herself. It was...charming; I would have to see if I could do this to her more often.

"Actually, ducks, a good spot of violence can be quite a lot of fun; you should try it some time," I suggested, just to make her blush.

It worked. "Oh...um. No, thank you. I think I'll pass."

"Oh, well, your loss," I shrugged. I let the subject drop; antagonising her would not do much for gaining her trust.

After a while, I decided to raise another sensitive subject, since she seemed to be in a confiding mood.

"Tell me honestly. Willow--you lot aren't planning to ever really try to find a cure for me, are you?"

She didn't answer at first; when she did, it was so quiet I doubted a human could have heard her. "No, they aren't."

I just nodded, my suspicions confirmed. We continued in a glum silence until I realised. "'They', love?"

"I...I don't know what I think about that yet. It's like they lied to you, since we all know the reason you want to help us find the commando guys is so you can make them undo whatever it is they did to you, and the implication was that we'd help. Buffy would probably want me to lie outright and tell you that was their intention all along, but I've had enough deception for one lifetime. Yep, definitely prefer honesty. It may hurt, but it's nothing compared to finding out someone you'd trusted betrayed you, then lied about it and swore you were worrying over nothing."

Ah. The wolf. "Pet, if I could, I'd hunt him down and make him pay for what he put you through."

A dark smile came fleetingly to her features, before being buried once more. "Thanks for the offer, Spike, and it's not that I don't appreciate the thought, but...I'd rather you didn't. I already feel horrible about the curse I tried to put on him when I found out, and in the end I didn't even do it. I don't know how I'd bear living with the guilt if I let you go hurt him."

"Yeah, well, it's not like I could actually do it if I tried," I grumbled. "Unless...do werewolves count as demons, d'you think?"

"I'd rather not find out. And...I'll see what I can do about getting Giles, at least, to change his mind about helping solve your problem. I don't suppose you'd agree to, say, promise to give up the trying-to-kill-us thing, would you?"

I thought about her question for only a few moments before I admitted the answer to myself. "Willow, if that's what it took to get this reversed, I would promise not to hurt you Slayerettes for a specified period of time, as long as you weren't trying to hurt me first, yeah," I said softly.

I guess she wasn't expecting it, as she suddenly stopped walking. I turned back to face her.

"You...you would? I never realised.... It's that bad?"

"It's that bad," I confirmed. She just stood staring at me, wheels turning. I began to wonder if this honesty thing had been a big mistake. Finally she came up to me, took my arm, and said, "I'd better get home."

"Yeah, right. Home." We resumed walking and made the rest of the trip in silence, the spell only partly broken, both of us subdued by my moment of weakness. I tried to convince myself it had been a lie, another attempt to make her feel sorry enough for me that she would get me more human blood, but I couldn't. Deep down I knew I had meant what I'd said, and it scared me.

We reached her dorm and I saw her up to the room she shared with the bloody Slayer, and we separated, not having said a word since my confession. I was glad for that; I'd already said far more than I'd ever intended, and I needed some time to pull myself back together. Again. I decided that I'd take over the Slayer's patrol, since she was too busy with her little date to do it herself. I hoped I'd run into some demons that needed dealing with; maybe a good kill or five would help me feel more like myself.

*** *** ***

It helped a bit, but though demons tend to put up more of a fight, there's something so much more satisfying about killing humans. Their blood, for one thing. Their fear, for another. Demons may be afraid for their lives in a fight they're losing, but it can't compare to the sheer terror of a human who's just discovered that creatures they'd thought lived only in nightmares are, in fact, real.

I felt marginally better by the time the threat of sunrise drove me back to the Watcher's, though. In fact, I had nearly succeeded in blocking that entire conversation out of my mind when I heard Willow enter the flat a few days later at a time when it was usually just the Watcher and myself. I started to go back to sleep, then heard my name and decided to listen in on their conversation, see what she was telling people about me.

"I think we should help him," the girl was saying.

"Help him how? We're already letting him invade my home, feeding him, and quite frankly, not killing him. I should think that's enough to do for one's mortal enemy."

"It's just that...well, when he came to us for help we sort of made this unspoken promise that we'd help him figure out what the commando guys had done to him, and fix it. And I feel guilty, because I know no one ever intended to even try."

"I don't recall any such offer being made, however implicitly."

"Well, no, not as such, but...you know he would never have come to us, of all people, if all he wanted was pigs' blood. He could have gone to the butcher's himself, if that was all. But he asked us to *help* him, and we said we would."

"Willow, you're forgetting that he expressly said he could give us information on them, and hasn't been very forthcoming. Besides, do you really want Spike to be able to hunt us again?"

"I honestly think he's told us all he knows about them. And, Giles, he said he wouldn't try to hurt us anymore if we got him fixed. You heard him before--he keeps his promises. Aren't we supposed to be the good guys? We should at least make the effort...."

The Watcher considered for a while, long enough that I was beginning to worry and nearly missed his quiet "I'll think about it. We can start to research the problem now if you like; by the time we have a solution, I should have decided whether or not we shall use it."

"Thank you, Giles! And just think, we'll probably learn more about our mystery men in the process, so that's of the good in any case, right?"

"Yes, yes, all right. I don't suppose you've told Buffy about this little plan of yours?"

"Well...I was thinking maybe you could. And besides, I didn't see any reason to get her all upset if you might still say no, right?"

He sighed and said, resigned, "Fine, fine, I'll tell her. But I'm also telling her this whole thing was your idea."

"I can live with that. So...is he awake yet?"

"Probably. It's almost time for his bloody soaps."

"Great. I'll just go give him the good news."

I heard a gentle knock, then the door opened.

"May I come in?"

"Sure, pet."

She closed the door behind her and came over to stand in front of me. I waited.

"So.... We're going to try to find out what's wrong with you, and how we can fix it."

"I heard." I was probably going to regret this, but something prompted me to point out, "You do realise, pet, that I never actually made the promise not to hurt any of you; I just said I would be willing to if it were necessary. Not the same thing."

Her glance shifted uneasily. "Yeah, I know. And I know it was wrong of me to mislead Giles like that. But surely the fact that you would even consider making the promise should count for something, right? With us, I mean; I know you won't consider it binding unless you actually do promise...." she trailed off.

I just waited, knowing she was hoping I'd volunteer it, wondering if she would dare ask me to when I didn't.

After a couple of long, awkward minutes she gave up and sighed. "Anyway, for now, please don't say anything about this to Buffy. It will go a lot better for all of us if she hears it from us first. And don't get your hopes up too much--even if we find a cure, there's no guarantee Giles will agree to let us use it."

"And do you need the Watcher's permission for everything you do?"

"No, of course not! But for something this big, yes, I want him to tell me I'm not making a huge mistake. You *are* a mass murderer, after all."

"Nice to know *someone* remembers...," I muttered.

"Anyway. Um. We're gonna help. Or try to. So if there *is* any information you've been holding out on us, now would be a good time to reveal it."

"Oddly enough, I told everything I can think of already. But if I remember anything more, you'll be the first to know, love. Now, if you don't mind, you're blocking the telly." She took the hint.

The Watcher apparently felt they wouldn't be able to keep the secret--or maybe he just realised there would never be a "right moment" for telling the Slayer that she would be helping her favourite enemy get his bite back--as he called the entire Scooby Club over that very evening to give them the good news. I just sat back and watched, smirking. The reactions were all I could hope for.

"You're *what*?!? Have you lost your mind?"

"I realise it may seem a bit...unorthodox...."

"Unorthodox? It's downright heretical! Giles, this is *Spike*!"

"What's the big deal? You fix him, he can feed himself, and we don't have to listen to you two arguing all the time." Anya turned to Giles. "Was that all you called us here for? Because Xander and I were supposed to be having sex right now."

"Now there's a surprise...." Willow said it, but there was no doubt in my mind we were all thinking the same thing.

"This is a little more important than your sex life, Anya. Spike's a demon! There's no telling what he'll do if he's cured!"

"So you're saying you can't trust him because he's a demon?"

"Anya, honey, she didn't mean it like that."

"Whatever. Can we go now? I'm feeling discriminated against."

"Not yet. This is kinda important. You didn't know Spike before, really. Call me crazy, but I'm not liking the bring-back-his-ability-to-bite-me plan. Must be the whole kidnapping-and-leaving-me-to-die thing."

"Yeah! Willow, what were you thinking?"

She shifted uneasily in her seat. "Well...there's the fact that we kinda implied that we'd help him if he told us what he knew about the commando guys...and he told me he'd be willing to stop trying to hurt us if we cured him. Unless we tried to hurt him first, I mean...."

"Oh, really? After that nonsense about not actually having promised to stay away from Sunnydale, I want to hear him say the words. Beginning with 'I promise'. 'Cause for some reason, I don't trust him. Can't imagine why."

"Look, Slayer, I've had this conversation already, with the witch. My agreement was with her. If you wanted to hear me discuss it, you should have been the one to offer the deal in the first place. Of course," I shrugged, "that probably wouldn't have worked either, since I never would have believed you."

"Look at it this way, Buffy," Willow broke in, "what if this is caused by some drug he was given? It could wear off at any time, for all we know. Do you really want Spike getting his bite back, with no warning, knowing we did nothing to help him? As the one who was on the wrong end of the bottle-in-face incident, I have to say that having him after me when he's *really* angry at us, personally I mean, not just because of the whole vampire-Slayer natural enmity thing, well, it ranks right up there with flunking out of college as one of my worst nightmares."

The chit had a good point about what my reaction would be, but.... "School, pet? Nice to know I'm so terrifying."

She turned to me and shrugged apologetically, blushing faintly. "I tend to be a bit...over-concerned about academics. I can't help it, I like learning, and school's one of the few things I've ever been good at...."

I raised an eyebrow in response to that last part, but let it pass. "Actually, when I was captured, the bloke in the next cell did say the blood they fed us was drugged. Suppose they could have given me something we don't know about that induces pain."

"Well, then, we'll start there. Willow, I'm afraid that a lot of the research will have to fall on you. I'll see what we can find in my books--there's a remote possibility something like this may have happened before--but chances are, the people responsible are using some new technology. With any luck, you may be able to uncover some information on the computer."

"I'm right on it, Giles. If there's anything on the net about a drug to make vamps unbitey, I'll find it. Buffy, I know you're not happy about this, but I really think it's the right thing to do. And besides, it's not guaranteed that we'll be able to find a cure."

"In the meantime, I think it only fair that Spike start sharing some of the responsibilities around here. From now on, you will help with the research--all of it, not just that pertaining to your own difficulty--and help Buffy patrol if necessary. Otherwise, I'll use any information we uncover to ensure your condition is made permanent. Is that clear?"

"Crystal." I wasn't exactly happy, but I'd find some way of getting out of it later.

"Good, now that that's settled, Xander and I are leaving. Still can't see why we had to come here in the first place."

"I should get going too. Homework and all. Buffy, walk me back?"

The Slayer sighed. "Okay, Will," she said grudgingly, "but you and me are gonna have a big talk about this, missy."

The girls' argument was thankfully cut off by the door closing behind them, leaving me and the Watcher to stare at each other uncomfortably.

"Remind me again why I'm doing this?"

"Because, you're the good guys. Helping people for no good reason is one of those identifying features that allows you to feel superior to chaps like me."

"No, no. That's why you've been allowed to impose upon my hospitality. That can't begin to be a sufficient reason for helping you in this."

"Oh, right. You're doing this because if Willow has a difficult enough research project to immerse herself in, you hope she won't have time or energy to muck about with magic. 'Course, I hate to think how she'd feel if she found out you didn't trust her like that...."

"You do realise that the deal's off if you so much as hint to her that my motive is anything of the sort."

"Yeah, yeah. I'm quaking in my boots."

"Listen, Spike. I'm really of no mind to be charitable to you of all people. If you persist in pushing me, you'll discover I have my limits. Much sooner than you expect, too, I'd wager." His glare was almost worthy of a demon.

Interesting. I hadn't thought him capable of quite that level of hatred.

"And just what have I ever done to you? Aside from the usual attempts on the lives of you and your little chums, that is."

"Torture, for starters," he replied, his voice deadly serious.

I dropped the bantering as well. "Look, Rupert, there was nothing I could do about that. If I tried to get Angel to leave you alone, even he would have known something was up, and the Slayer couldn't have stopped him without my help. I did talk him out of killing you--more than once. And in the end, I found a way for him to stop of his own will, long enough for those kids to come rescue you."

"So that was all your idea, that...that mental rape? The...the mind games? Jenny? I am growing less inclined to help you every second."

"Hey, I saved your life. I could have just let my darling sire get out the chainsaw like he wanted. But no, I thought, let Dru get the info and end all this. Next time, remind me just to let you die."

We sat there glaring at each other.

He backed down first, of course--after all, I had nearly a hundred years' more practice--but not nearly as soon as I would have predicted. We didn't say a word the rest of the night, or the following day. Even when the others arrived to hold one of their little research parties, the Watcher and I managed to avoid speaking to each other. I suppose my dark mood was taken for granted, as no one commented on it. Willow did ask my oh-so-gracious host what the matter was; before he had a chance to respond, I caught his eye, threw a quick glance in the girl's direction, and raised an eyebrow in question. No one was going to poison her opinion of me; she was the only one I'd ever convince to get them to fix me, and if he tried turning her against me, he'd learn that two could play at that game. Apparently he understood the implied threat, because he merely told her he hadn't slept well and changed the subject.

The rest of the evening passed uneventfully. The Slayer left to patrol, the idiot and his demon went off to shag, and eventually even Willow gave up and asked the Watcher to drive her back to her dorm--and we were still no closer to discovering what was wrong with me. I threw down the latest useless book I'd been looking through, and stormed to my closet. In my frustration, I was unable to keep from draining what was left in the bag of blood I'd started just a few days earlier. I wasn't fond of drinking the stuff cold but I simply didn't have the patience to heat it first. Before the Watcher could return, I left to find some demons to take my anger out on.

*** *** ***

The next several days brought no answers; I was close to giving up the search, and of them all, I was the only one with any real motivation to begin with. Most of them abandoned the project early on, but on otherwise quiet nights Willow, the Watcher, and I still went through the motions, at least.

I couldn't bear it anymore. "This is hopeless!" I growled, beginning to pace.

"Don't say that! We'll find the solution, I'm sure of it. We just need to keep looking."

"I'm afraid Spike is right. We have accounts going back several centuries, and there are very few tales of any sort of drug or, or poison that can affect vampires to any degree. It's clearly not what Faith used on Angel, but it doesn't appear to be any of the others, either."

"Well, then we're going about this all wrong. Maybe it's not a drug after all."

"Then what the hell is it?"

"I--I don't know. But we'll find it. Just be patient."

I growled again at the thought and resumed pacing.

My mood was not improved by the Slayer's bursting through the front door and demanding to know if Willow was still determined to help me.

"You're not going to get anywhere with your drug search," she declared confidently when her friend nodded.

"Sod off, Slayer."

"If you don't want to play nice, then fine. I don't have to tell you what I heard on patrol tonight."

"Oooh, Buffy, did you learn something that would help us?"

"Maybe. But I'm not sure I wanna share. I mean, this is Spike we're talking about...surely I've helped him more than he deserves already."

"Look, if you know something useful," for a change, I added silently, "I'd strongly recommend that you *tell us*!"

"Oh, like *that's* gonna make me want to do something nice for you."

"Buffy, please refrain from antagonising the vampire."

"Whatever, Giles," she shrugged. "If no one wants to know what I've found out, I'll just be on my way...." She headed for the front door.

"Buffy, wait! If you know something that might give me a place to start researching, I'd love to hear it. You're right, we're not getting anywhere; we'd decided it must not be a drug just minutes before you came in. But I don't know what else it could be, since from what little we know about the people behind it, it seems unlikely they would use a spell...."

"Well, okay, Will, just for you," she decided, plopping down on the couch. "It was a slow night vamp-wise, so when I ran across a couple of our friendly neighborhood stormtroopers, I decided to follow them. They were so busy tracking whatever they were tracking that they didn't even notice I was tracking *them*...some commandos they are! Anyway, they started talking, and I thought I might as well pay attention in case they revealed the location of their secret labs or something--what? It happens in the movies all the time--and just happened to hear one reassure the other that at least they knew the implant worked. Can't harm a living creature...intense neurological pain...yadda, yadda, yadda. Thought it seemed familiar."

"Were you able to ascertain the location of their facilities, or what exactly they're hoping to accomplish?"

"Bugger that. Did they say anything about how to reverse this implant thing?"

"A bit impatient, aren't you, Spike? Giles, negative on finding their secret clubhouse, but it sounds like they may be trying to do the same thing we are--make the world safer for humans."

I was seething. Was she going to start helping them now? Luckily Willow broke in before I could say something stupid.

"But they're going about it all wrong! I mean, okay, we kill demons, but only if they're causing trouble. And we do kill them. These people use them to experiment on, do things they know will cause them to starve slowly...it's not right. I-it's like animal testing, Hellmouth-style."

"Actually, I'm with you on that one. It does seem unnecessarily cruel. And these guys sounded like they enjoy it--not in a 'we're making Sunnydale safe and saving lots of lives' way, but in a Faith way. And we all know that's not a good sign."

"Thank you, Buffy."

"No prob, Will."

"That's all very touching, but can we talk about how we're going to get rid of this sodding implant?"

"Well, I could always cut your head open and take it out for you. Or maybe when you turn to dust, it'll just fall to the ground intact. Or--"

"Hey, guys, be nice. Now, what *are* we going to do? Going to the hospital and having a real surgeon operate won't work; even if they don't ask questions we can't provide the answers to, a doctor's bound to notice the whole lack of bodyheat thing, not to mention a heartbeat."

"I'm sure you'll think of something, but you're not gonna do it tonight. There's an Early '80s party at Sig Delt, and I'm taking you with me even if I have to threaten you with my Super Slayer Strength to do it."

"Yes, go, have a good time. And good work, Buffy."

"Thanks, Giles. We're outta here."

One step closer to freedom. At least we knew what the problem was...though there didn't seem to be many ways to correct it. But it was a start. For the first time in too long, things were looking up. Perhaps we'd find a way to undo this after all, and when we did....

Look out, Sunnyhell.

I smirked at the Watcher, then went out and found a demon to kill, practicing what I would do once I caught up with those soldiers. When I returned, I was in a downright cheerful mood.

Three days later, the little witch ran into the flat, clearly excited about something. "Spike! Giles! I've found it! At least, I think I have. I'll want you to look over it first, Giles, and make sure it does what I think it does, because I've learned my lesson, yessir, no more unfamiliar spells for Willow, but I really think I'm right about this one, and--"

"Slow down there, love! Did you say something about another spell?"

"Um...yeah," she said sheepishly. "I know you probably don't want me doing any spells involving you after what happened before, but I can do this one properly, I know I can. And--and I'm not upset or angry, or making the decision to use magic rashly, and that's normally where I get into trouble. I restored Angel's soul from the hospital, not long after waking up from a concussion--surely I can do this, now, when I'm strong and have Giles here to help, I'm sure of it. I really want to help, so don't say no, please?"

Damn it, did the chit have to look at me like that, all enthusiastic and hopeful? I reminded myself that she was probably the only chance I'd have. "I trust you, pet."

"What spell are you talking about doing?"

"I was looking through some old books I just got from the magic shop, and this one just jumped out at me, Giles. If I'm reading this right, it sort of sets up a...barrier or containment field around foreign objects within a person's body, preventing them from interacting with that body in any way. I'd say the implant qualifies."

"Hold on, that doesn't sound so good. Technically speaking, *I* am a foreign object in this body. I don't much fancy being unable to use it."

"Oh. Right. Demon. I, uh, didn't think about that...."

"Actually, Willow, this looks like it just might work. I would have to see about making some modifications to exempt the demon, but it should be possible. The research will be a lot easier now that I have a starting point."

"And what about blood? Will it affect that? Lot of good it would do me if I ended up unable to eat *anything*!"

"No, no, the way this is worded specifically excludes, uh, nourishment from the spell's definition of 'foreign object'."

"In that case, what are you standing around for? Start modifying!"

It was another week before Giles felt they had the spell fixed to allow me to stay while still blocking the implant. I only understood about a third of what they talked about, but I was there for as many of their research and planning sessions as possible. The girl was...enchanting, in the way she attacked the challenge whole-heartedly, clearly delighted at having a puzzle to figure out and--being Willow--the chance to truly help someone. Even if that someone was a demon who could well decide to kill her as soon as that help had been given, for all she knew.

She had no way of knowing what I had already admitted to myself, that if she pulled this off, she would be in no danger from me for the rest of her life.

Her friends, of course, were a different story. I still hadn't decided what to do about them. They were helping her--or at least, the Watcher was, and even the Slayer had brought us important information--so perhaps I wouldn't kill them right away. Also, their assistance could prove useful when it came to hunting down those soldier boys and making them pay.

When it came time to try the spell, everyone gathered to watch--even the idiot and his girl. The plan was for the Watcher to do a protective spell around Willow and myself, so that if something went wrong and the magic got away from her--again--at least the others should remain unaffected and, in theory, able to cast a spell to counter whatever went wrong. He still wasn't happy about letting the chit work the harder spell, but it was fine with me. She was the only one of them I felt certain wouldn't intentionally botch it or cast the original version, just to get rid of me.

The Watcher began first. As the wards formed around us, all I could sense clearly was my own body, the girl sitting across from me, and the supplies placed between us. Everything outside the circle seemed oddly distant; it was as if I could see the images, but not easily make sense of them. Sounds were affected the same way--their heartbeats and breathing, the Watcher's voice chanting the protection spell, it all sounded unusually sharp and indistinct at once. The effect was bloody unnerving.

The Watcher signalled that he was ready; Willow took a deep breath, then began her spell. All told, her part of the ritual took nearly half an hour, and she wasn't yet half-way through when I felt her energy start to give out. Her voice faltered briefly before recovering its strength as she forced herself to continue. At last it was finished, and she collapsed. The wards were taken down, and Giles carried the girl to the couch.

We all sat there for a few moments, uncertain of what to expect next.

The Slayer broke the silence. "Well? Did it work?"

"I can't tell. I don't feel any different, but I didn't when this whole mess started, either."

"Never having done this spell before, I'm not certain if you're supposed to feel anything or not. I suppose we will have to test it before we can know if it was successful." He didn't sound too pleased with the idea.

Neither was his Slayer. "Test it? How? I'm not going to just stand by and watch while he tries to attack someone!"

Before anyone could come up with any suggestions less likely to end with me being staked, the exhausted witch stood up and walked over to me. Meeting my gaze with a determined one of her own, she silently leaned her head to one side, exposing her neck. I was as shocked by her offer as the others, but before they had a chance to stop me I placed my hands on her shoulders, holding her still, and bent. I paused for a moment with my fangs just resting on her skin, but she still didn't try to pull away, so I bit down as quickly and painlessly as I could. After only a few desperate gulps I forced myself to withdraw, for some reason not wanting to betray the trust she had given me. I sensed no fear, and although I expected her to begin struggling if it turned out the spell really had worked, the only time her body tensed was at the moment my fangs sank into her neck; presumably from the pain involved, since she relaxed again right after. That a human, and such a young one at that, could know the things I'm capable of and still allow me to feed off her--this time, without any promise that I wouldn't drain her--well, I had never thought it possible. Hell, even before I became a vampire, any young woman would have had to have been bloody stupid to trust me; now.... For a moment after I drew back, I just stared at her, that shock briefly blocking the realisation of what it all meant.

When I did remember that I had just bitten a live creature without any pain of my own, I couldn't help it--I burst into a grin, grabbed Willow by the waist, and twirled her around, laughing from sheer joy. Just as Buffy was starting to regain her senses enough to launch an attack, I set her friend down and darted to the door, sending a cocky grin in the Slayer's direction before disappearing into the night for my first real meal in far too long.

Unfortunately, I knew I couldn't afford to hunt as I pleased; I still wanted to find those bastards who'd unvamped me, and make them pay. Which meant cooperating with the Slayer and her friends for a while longer, whether I liked it or not. So doing something to make her stake me--and the bint was longing for an excuse--was out of the question. Instead of feeding on the first lone human I came across, I headed for one of the less savoury parts of town, where there would be plenty of lowlifes like myself that I could feed on and whose bodies I could mutilate however much I wanted without there being much chance that anyone would care.

It was nearly dawn when I returned to the Watcher's after a fun-filled night of blood and torture. I felt happier than I had since...well, since before Angelus lost his bleedin' soul again and Dru left me. Not only was the bloodlust sated in a way old pigs' blood could never match, but I felt energised...I would almost say "alive". I had sorely missed that sense of power that comes with holding someone's life in my hands, and taking it from them bit by agonising bit...it was delicious.

I entered the flat to find the girls still there, the witch on the sofa, the Slayer sound asleep in a chair, stake in hand. Willow stirred at the sound of the door closing, and opened her eyes drowsily. "You're back!" she exclaimed, waking further.

"Of course I'm back, pet. Not like I've got a better place to stay just at the moment."

"Oh. Well, we thought...I mean...I...we weren't sure, when you ran out so quickly last night. It's not like you ever wanted to be here, after all...."

"What can I say, I was hungry." I grinned, having a good idea of how that comment would be received, but unable to resist making it.

By this time Buffy was waking up too. My taunt had her out of the chair and halfway across the room, stake aimed at my heart, but I was ready for her. Grabbing her wrists, I held her hands at arm's length. "Slow down there. Before you go all Righteous Slayer on me, you should know that I hunted down at the docks. Rapists and murderers and other people you shouldn't care about. And if you'll refrain from killing me, I'll continue to do so as long as we're still working together."

"And just how long would that be, Spike?"

"Until we've caught those wankers who were responsible for all this, of course," I growled. "Now, do we have a deal or not?"

"No eating innocent people?" I nodded, knowing the "until then" was understood. The Slayer's not a complete idiot, after all. "Nice try, but I'm not falling for that trick again. I want you to say it."

I sighed. "No eating innocent people until we find the soldier boys, I promise."

"Then I guess I won't stake you," she said grudgingly. I released her arm and she stepped away, always wary of me. "But if I catch you breaking that promise, Spike, I swear I'll hurt you so bad you'll beg me to stake you and get it over with, got that?"

Heading deeper into the flat, on my way to bed, I flashed a leer over my shoulder at her. "Why, Buffy, I didn't know you cared," I purred. The expression on her face as she realised what I meant was just priceless; even Willow couldn't restrain a giggle at the sight. Working with the Slayer might not be quite so boring after all....

*** *** ***

Much to my dismay, it took a lot longer than I'd hoped to find the people behind the sodding implant. Weeks went by, and we were no closer to having an answer. I got sick of hunting the docks every night, so occasionally I would continue to join the kids at the Bronze. Not my idea of the perfect way to spend an evening, but I could keep an eye out for chaps who didn't seem to want to take 'no' for an answer. The Slayer didn't like beating up other humans, but didn't object if I slipped out to follow an unsuspecting couple. If the girl had been hurt, I even got me a little snacking time before I had to let him go. And if I just happened to be too far away or looking in the other direction until their struggle turned violent more often than necessary...well, what the Slayer didn't know wouldn't hurt me.

It also gave me a chance to keep an eye on Willow. Seems she'd had a friend none of the others had known about until she started joining them sometimes at the club, and I was hoping to run into her there. Yeah, I'd never met her, but even just listening to the others talk about her, I couldn't shake the sense that something about this Tara girl felt...off. I tried to ignore it, as the only reason I could think of was that she might have jeopardised my plan to convince Willow I was the only person in her life who didn't see her in terms of research skills, but even though Willow had already taken care of me head the new chit bothered me. I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

Finally one night I entered the club to find an unfamiliar girl sitting next to Willow. Right away an alarm started going off in my head, and I felt my eyes narrow as I studied her suspiciously. At last I realised what was wrong about her. Well, well; either Willow had been hiding things from her pals, or she didn't know herself. Interesting.

I slowly slipped through the crowd towards their table, wanting to pick up on as much of their conversation as possible before anyone realised I was there. Red was discussing the latest threat they'd been researching.

"Um, Will? Are you sure we should be talking about that kind of thing while someone else is around?"

"What? Oh, Tara! It's okay, she's a hereditary witch, like Amy. Only, not a rat. Like pre-rat Amy. Anyway, she's known about the existence of supernatural baddies longer than any of us have."

"I don't think so, pet."

She glanced around as I slipped into the empty seat on the other side of her. "Oh, hi! That's right, I guess Spike has a head start on all of us. Oh, and Anya.... Okay, Tara's known longer than Buffy, Xander, and I."

That chit was staring at me intently.

"What do you think you're looking at?" I growled.

"W-willow, get away from him," the girl whispered in her ear, though not quietly enough to prevent me from hearing.

"Why? Spike's not going to hurt me. Not tonight, anyway...."

"He's a demon!"

"Look who's talking," I said with a smirk. This was going to be fun.

"Look, Tara, it's a long story...," the Slayer began.

"You must not know your history if it's taken you this long to figure out who I am," I interrupted, assuming Willow had at least mentioned me, since no one seemed to think an introduction in order.

The Slayer groaned. "Yes, yes, we know, William the Bloody, blah blah blah. Give it a rest, you're not scaring us."

Tara's eyes widened. "W-william the Bloody? You're-you're Angelus' Spike, aren't you?"

That did it. "What *is* this obsession with my sodding sire? We weren't even together all that long--I haven't even hunted with Angel in over a hundred years! I bloody well don't belong to him!"

"Um...what about when Angel, uh, lost his soul a couple of years ago?"

"What about it? Oh, right. No hunting together then, either; I was stuck in that blasted chair, thanks to you lot. Even so, I was still twice the demon he was--I don't care what Dru thought. What kind of vampire shags the bleedin' *Slayer*? And I don't go around pretending to be friends with someone but not even telling them I'm a demon. What's the matter, Tara, got some nicely evil plot that involves Willow here which she wouldn't like? A ritual that requires the sacrifice of a human witch, perhaps?"

"Uh, guys? Bronze?" At Xander's reminder I looked around and discovered our little...discussion was attracting attention. I lowered my voice, but was having entirely too much fun to stop.

"So, what is it? Care to explain to your friend here why you never told her you're not human?" There was no answer, and the bloody Scooby Club just sat there in a stunned silence. "Well, isn't this cozy? I can't recall the last time I saw a group so perfectly divided between demons and humans. Well, not when the two sides weren't trying to kill each other, at any rate." I half-expected Anya to point out that she was technically no longer a demon, but she was just watching, amused. Tara kept trying to glare at me, but looked more like a frightened rabbit than any sort of threat.

It was Willow who broke the silence at last, her voice small. "Is it true, Tara? Are you really a demon? Have you been lying to me all this time?" I made the mistake of glancing over to her; her eyes were brimming with tears, and she looked about to break. I swore at myself, then remembered that I wasn't the one at fault here.

"I'm sorry, pet; I know how you feel about honesty and trust and all that rot. But isn't it better to know now rather than find out later?"

The silly chit ignored me. "Tara?"

"W-willow, I...didn't mean for you to find out like this."

"Then it's true?" She didn't get an answer, and this time even I knew better than to break into the silence. When it became clear that Tara wasn't going to deny it, she got off her stool and grabbed her jacket. "I...I don't think I can be here right now." She started heading for the door.

That wasn't right. The intruder was supposed to be the one leaving, not Willow. "Pet--" I began, but she froze in her tracks and cut me off before I could get any further.

"Don't. Talk. To me," she said too softly for a human to have heard in that racket, without even turning around to face us.

She walked out of the club, and I swore under my breath.

"Great going, Spike. If there weren't so many people here, I'd stake you right now for hurting her like that."

"Look, Slayer, I was trying to help. How much more betrayed do you think she'd feel if she found out she's been deceived for a year or more? And if I'd stayed silent about what I knew, I *would* be partly responsible. I've seen what she can do when she's angry and hurting, don't forget; the last thing I want is to find myself snogging you again. And you," I continued, turning to the cause of this problem, "you stay away from Willow. Hurt her again, and you'll find out first-hand why I got my nicknames."

"But--I--I didn't--" she began to protest, but the Slayer ignored her.

"Hold on there, Spike. I'm not exactly thrilled with Tara myself right now, but we had a deal."

"Innocent humans, love. She's definitely not human, and I doubt she's innocent."

"Whatever. No one's going to kill anyone tonight, whatever the reason. So play nice, or go home. I'm gonna run make sure Willow gets home okay."

"You know, call me crazy, but maybe we should see what Tara has to say for herself before anyone decides to kill her. Because I know I'm just dying to find out why someone would be lying to my Will like that."

"Xander! What's this 'my' business? You're mine, and she can't have you."

"Anya--"

"I don't believe this. You still love her, don't you?"

"Of course I love her! She's been my best friend for as long as I can remember."

"I knew it; I was right all along. Men really are scum. Why, if I still had my powers...."

I tuned out the rest of the argument, focusing my attention on the demon sitting across from me instead.

"I tell you what I'll do. I'll give you a fair warning: you mess with Willow again, and I kill you, it's simple as that. She's under my protection."

"But--I just w-wanted to b-be her f-f-friend."

Glancing over to make sure the others were still too absorbed in their little fight to pay us any attention, I leaned in to whisper menacingly in her ear. "You know that, and I know that, but you can't prove it. Willow will believe what I tell her; she trusts me, and I've known her for 'bout two and a half years, which is a hell of a lot longer than you've even known she existed. No way she'll take your word over mine. So back off."

Whatever kind of demon this bloody Tara girl was, she was either very weak or too young to have reached full powers; definitely no match for a master vampire such as myself. She wasn't able to meet my gaze for long before looking away, admitting defeat.

"Now that that's settled, I suggest you run along before I lose my patience and decide to kill you anyway." I waited until I was sure she was gone, then left myself. The idiot and his girl could take care of themselves. Or not. Either way, I wasn't about to stick around with just them for the rest of the evening.

*** *** ***

I didn't see any of them the following day, but the night after that there was a research party at the Watcher's. I found myself growing concerned when the Slayer arrived without her roommate; luckily, when the idiot walked in a few minutes later, he asked the question that was on my mind as well.

"Hey, Buffy, where's Willow?"

She glared at me before turning to Xander. "She didn't want to come. I can't imagine why."

They chattered around me as I debated with myself. Finally I decided to hell with the research, and stood up.

"Might I ask what you think you're doing? Either you share in the research, or you find somewhere else to live," the Watcher reminded me.

I continued making my way around the stacks of books between me and the door. "I'm going for something to eat."

"Don't forget to bring extra jellies," Xander piped up, stopping me in my tracks. I couldn't stop myself from staring at him in disbelief; I hadn't thought even he was that stupid. "Oh. You're not making a doughnut run, are you? Never mind. Shutting up now."

"Yeah. You do that, mate." I grabbed my coat and left.

I really was hungry, so I swung by the docks for a quick bite before heading towards the campus. The light was off in the girls' dorm room, but it was still quite early; I doubted Willow was asleep. I tried to think where she might have gone, since she wasn't at the Watcher's. Somehow, the Bronze seemed unlikely. I was having trouble coming up with anywhere else she liked to hang out, then I realised--with Willow, the library was probably a safe bet. I tried the public one first, as it would be easier to search. No sign of her. The shortest way to the larger uni library cut through the park; it was there that I found the girl, sitting on top of a picnic table and staring off into the night.

She must've heard me approach, since she spoke without turning around.

"What is so wrong with me?" she asked, her voice thick with unshed tears.

I hopped on the table next to her, confused. "What the hell are you talking about, pet?"

"What is it about me that causes everyone I trust to deceive me?"

"I can't believe that. Okay, you were wrong to believe in that Tara bint. But she's hardly 'everyone'. What about the id--Xander? You've been best mates forever, right?"

"Yeah, and during our junior year of high school, I caught him with *Cordelia*."

"Well, but what's the problem with that? You weren't dating, were you?"

"Well...no, but I'd been in love with him forever. And, I mean, *Cordelia*?! We'd hated her together for as long as I can remember. Then one night I turn a corner in the library, and there he is, kissing her!" She sniffled. "Then there's Oz...and Veruca. Now Tara's lied to me about even being human! Why?"

"I don't know, pet. Wish I did. But even so, don't you think you're maybe exaggerating a bit? There have to be other people you trust.... Has the Watcher done anything to qualify? Or even--much as I hate her--the Slayer?"

"No, not yet, but I'm sure they will. It's just a matter of time."

"Piffle." Well, okay, the Watcher had been less than honest regarding his reasons for helping her cure me. I wasn't certain about Buffy, but it wouldn't have surprised me to learn she had done her share of deceiving as well; but the truth wasn't really what I was after.

"Oh, gods! It really is all my fault. I'm such a bad person."

"What are you going on about? How could any of that be your fault?"

"But it is! I totally deserve it. Well, except maybe for the Cordelia part, since that happened before I--" She stopped suddenly, biting her lip.

"Before you what? What could you possibly have done to deserve the way they've treated you?" She just shook her head mutely. "Come on, love, you can tell me. I've done far worse things than you can even imagine; it's not like I'm in any position to judge you--even if I wanted to."

"I...." Deep breath. "Remember last year, when you kidnapped me and Xander and left us in the basement of that old factory? Well...when Oz and Cordy found us, we...we were...kissing," she finished in a whisper.

"That's all? That's what you think makes you a horrible person?"

She looked at me for the first time, eyes widened in surprise. "But--you don't understand! I was dating Oz! Xander was with Cordelia! We never should have--"

"Listen, pet. Were you and Xander shagging?" She shook her head. "Were you going to shag him if they hadn't arrived when they did?"

"N-no."

"So you were just kissing. And you probably thought I was going to return and kill you any minute, right? You needed to be comforted, and your best friend was there, so you reached out to each other. It's only natural, and it hardly makes you a bad person."

"But--"

"Willow. Listen to me. You are one of the kindest, most caring people I've known--and I've been around a long time. If you ask me, you're the *last* one who deserves to be betrayed by the people you care about. Xander's just an idiot, pure and simple, and frankly the wolf must be, too, for throwing away someone like you. I don't know what that Tara's problem is," aside from being to weak to even try to stand up for herself against me, "but from the things she said after you left, I don't believe she was ever really your friend; she struck up an acquaintance planning to betray your trust from the beginning. It had *nothing* to do with you, with who you are."

"Do you know why she did it?"

"Haven't the foggiest, but I do know it can't be right."

"'Cause, see, it's funny, but when I tried to ask her this afternoon she stammered that she couldn't talk to me, that I belonged to you. I don't belong to anyone, Spike, least of all you."

"I know you don't, and I'm sorry about that. But the only way to protect you from her without actually fighting--which I didn't think you'd want--was for me to assert a prior claim over you. We're demons, don't forget; and the fact that I've known you a lot longer than she has gives me the right to claim you as...under my protection, basically. If she thinks you're mine, she's far less likely to do whatever she'd planned on doing."

"I don't remember asking for your protection."

"No, but you don't have to; I'm offering it freely. You helped me, pet, more than you know, even though I'm who and what I am. I owe you, and having chosen to acknowledge the debt, I'm not one to forget, or let your...generosity go unrewarded. And believe me, protecting you from a demon who's too weak to even fight me is the least I can do."

"Really?"

"Really. Besides," I smirked, "if any demon's going to kill you, it's going to be me."

She started to grin back, then grew worried. "Um...that was a joke, right? I mean, you're not actually planning to kill me anytime soon, are you?"

"Yes, Willow, I was joking. Not about what I owe you, or my intentions to help you in turn, but I am not planning to kill you. On the other hand, should you ever find yourself wanting to stick around long enough to see what the world is like a couple of centuries from now--" As I'd expected, her natural curiosity could not resist the lure of the unknown, and a faint spark of longing flashed in her eyes--"I would very much hope you'd come to me. If you get turned, I'd like to be the one to do it. I won't force you, not any more, but if you decide to become one of us...I want to be your sire."

"You...you do?" I shrugged, a little embarrassed about having admitted how much I'd come to care about the chit--luckily, she seemed unaware of the full importance of a vamp's relationship with their sire--but refused to drop my eyes from her gaze. She seemed taken aback, possibly even a bit touched, then shook her head vehemently. "No--bad, vampire Willow equals *very* bad idea. Trust me, I've seen her."

"I don't know, pet, I think you'd make a brilliant vampire. And what do you mean, you've seen her?"

"She's not brilliant, she's horrible. All evil and skanky and cruel. And the clothes she wears--I can't imagine an outfit less comfortable. I met her last year when Anya and I accidentally pulled her in from a sort of alternate reality. I definitely don't want her unleashed on this world for good, so no turning of me, under any circumstances."

This alternate Willow sounded smashing to me, but that's all the more likely to be a turn-off for the real one. "So what if you could keep your soul? Live forever, assuming you don't get on the wrong end of a Slayer's stake, without all the killing and torture you find so revolting...just as a hypothetical question, I mean."

"Hypothetically? I don't know. I mean, wow, think of all the things I could learn in a century...all the books I could read.... With my soul, guaranteed to be permanent--I wouldn't want to lose it without warning, like Angel--that might be tempting, yeah."

I grinned; when she spoke of using eternity to learn, her eyes lit right up. "Now there's the Willow I came looking for. Feeling better, pet?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I am, mostly. I mean, I'm not ready to go out and be Life of the Party Girl, but I'll be okay. Thanks." She turned thoughtful. "You know, Spike, you really aren't as bad as you like to pretend. Oh, sure, logically I know you're back out there killing people every night, but then you turn around and cheer me up all the time. You're a walking contradiction."

"Don't tell anyone, ducks; I have my reputation to preserve, don't forget."

"I remember; not a word." She tilted her head back and contemplated the stars. "Spike...I was wondering. Hypothetically speaking...do you think it might be possible for, say...an evil demon and, and a non-evil human to...become friends?"

I was surprised by her question, but it also gratified me. If she was starting to think of me as a friend, then clearly my plan had worked even better than I'd thought. "I think that just might be possible, pet," I replied gravely.

"Good."

I let the silence stretch for a moment. "Now, what d'you say we go back to the Watcher's and show your friends that you're all right?"

She just hopped off the table and started walking; I caught up with her easily, and we returned to the flat in a comfortable silence.

I couldn't resist going in first, and announcing "look who I found" with a smirk in the Slayer's direction. I left the humans to do their little concern/reassurance ritual, and just returned to my chair and the book I'd abandoned earlier. It was going to be fun, reminding the Slayer that I'd succeeded in comforting her friend, where she'd failed. I couldn't wait for a good opportunity to rub it in her face.

Unfortunately, that chance didn't arrive the next day. It was a good thing I hadn't thought about taunting Xander yet, since it was just the two of us when that Tara dropped by.

"Well, well. Look what the cat dragged in."

"Oh, good, y-you're here."

"Yes, but the question is, what are *you* doing here?"

Her eyes remained on me as she answered his question. "I did a-a spell to find you. I wanted to talk to Spike, to ex-explain...."

"Explain what?" I asked curtly.

"About, about Willow. Why I didn't--tell her."

"Go on."

"I just...didn't want to lose her friendship. The more I got to know her, the more a-afraid I was that she'd stop talking to me if she knew I'm a, a demon."

"Look, pal, if you thought Willow would care about that, then you obviously *don't* know her at all. If there's anyone in Sunnydale who wouldn't be bothered by that, it's Will--I've known her all my life, so when I tell you that lying about it is what's driven you away, I know what I'm talking about. I mean, this is a girl who includes among her friends a vampire who's tried to kill her--"

"Two," I corrected, though otherwise content to watch as Xander defended her. He threw me a confused look, but continued.

"--and whose boyfriend was a werewolf. She's the last person who would judge someone simply by whether or not they're fully human! And if you thought she would, well, you underestimated her as well as taking advantage of her trust."

"I don't usually say this, but Xander's right. Either you didn't care about her enough to see the real Willow, or you're lying now about your motives. Either way, I don't like you, and frankly, if you came here hoping to talk me into helping you repair your friendship with her, you're wasting my time. So either challenge me, or get out of our lives for good."

"S-she can't believe you. She w-wouldn't! N-not W-w-willow...."

I just laughed. "Yeah. You believe that if it makes you feel better."

She glared at me again, then turned and stormed out.

"And stay away from Willow!" Xander yelled after her.

"Yeah, you tell 'er, mate."

He turned back to me. "So. I guess there's one thing we agree on, anyway."

"Looks like it."

"So...you'll keep her away from Willow?"

"I've said I would, haven't I?"

"Yeah, well...you say a lot of things. Sometimes it's hard for mere mortals to know what we can believe."

"Look, I don't like Tara any more than you do, probably less. She's a demon, so the Slayer can't stop me from taking her out, and if she comes near Willow again, I intend to do just that. Clear enough for you?" I was rapidly losing my patience with him.

"Is that a promise?"

"Don't push me, whelp," I growled.

"Okay, okay! Geez, ask a guy a simple question...."

We sat in silence, wishing the Watcher would hurry up and come home, until the boy spoke up again.

"So, uh...two?"

"What?"

"You said 'two'. Definite two-age on your part. You know, when I mentioned Will being friends with a vamp."

"Right, that. I assumed you were talking about Peaches."

"Yes, of course. Who *would* I be talking about, if not Angel?"

I just smirked at him.

It was fun, watching him realise that there was another vampire who'd tried to kill her, and who'd been spending a lot more time with the girl lately than the poof had. "Wait, you can't mean--no, oh no, no way. No way my Will considers *you* her friend!"

"Hate to break it to you, mate, but she doesn't belong to anybody--including you. And just last night, she called me a friend, so clearly she disagrees with you on that." Slight exaggeration, that, but so much more fun to taunt him with than her actual words would have been.

He just sat there in shock, mouth working silently. Finally he gave up on trying to speak and left, throwing me one last look of hurt disbelief.

Damn, but that was fun!

The day just got better, as that night I finally tracked down some of those soldier boys, and the true fun began.
 

THE END

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