Title : Seeking the Sun 1/3
Author : Fenris
Pairing : Spike/Willow
Disclaimer : Joss and Co. own all but the plot.  That's mine
Distribution : My site.
Rating : PG-16 (for the angst)
Summary : Spike's POV on what happened to Willow
Dedication : To all the wonderful people that sent feedback to my Warming Up To Spike fic.
Note : To those that go to my website.  It probably won't be updated for a little.  My zip disk decided to lock itself on me.  So I can't access any of my files.
Note 2 : This fic is somewhat based on Billy Idol's Mother Dawn off the Cyberpunk album (lyrics can be found at his website (www.billyidol.com))
Feedback is always welcomed.

stuff with these ' around it mean it's lyrics
 

~~Part One~~

I remember it like yesterday, but it was five years ago.  She
unknowingly gave her life for me.  I never thought I could love
someone as much as I loved her.  She was trying a spell when it
happened.  She wanted me to experience the sun; to be able to go
to the beach with her.  Yes.  I was able, but I didn't.  I wouldn't go
without my Red.  I couldn't go without my Red.

She danced around that fire.  Circled the flame, like only a pagan
can.  She was chanting some Latin terms.  "Aurum soliferum,
Argetnum luniferum, Nunc huc ades!"  The shadows began calling
out my name.

They'd say, 'Rock my like a baby,  cradle me in the light.  Bathe
me in a rainbow, sun restore my sight.'

That's when I saw it.  'A star flew against the tapestry of the night.
The earth revolved in perfect symmetry to a symphony of sun.'

Upon my chest, she drew the crescent Moon, extended to form a
circle, and that circle rayed doubly with flames and swordlike
points.  Upon my back, she wrote as she spoke, "Aurum soliferum,
Argentum luniferum, Nunc huc ades!"

'Darkness stroked her face and stole away the sight.  Night is all
around me; stars are in my hair.  I feel them tangled in the secrets
we'll find hidden there.  Reaching through the madness, to the
other side, where the sun is rising, with her arms held wide.'

All I could see was the pain, the misery, the death i had created.  I
almost gave up right there.  Almost.  I couldn't take the insanity of
my past.  Red held my limp, weak, quivering body in her arms.
She cradled me in the fire light.

The fire danced around our bodies.  With another chant, I was
surrounded in a rainbow.

'The moon danced its final bow as the birth of the day exploded in
my eyes.' My Red fell limpat my side.  I didn't even realize it then,
though.  I was too busy bathing in the sun.  Mother Dawn engulfed
me in warmth.  It was all I could feel.

Until the coldness returned.  I looked up, and the Moon in the sky
thrilled me, chilled me.  For once in my immortal life, I was scared.
That's when I felt it.  That cold, clammy hand on my thigh.  It
turned and looked, but I couldn't see.  I didn't want to see.

My lover.  My best friend.  My only friend.  Was dead.  She'd died
willingly for me.  Just to let me see the sun.  I'd give anything to
have her back.  I'd give up this damned ability to walk in the sun.  I
can't enjoy it without her.  I won't enjoy it.  I stay in the night.
Where things like me belong.  I creep in the shadows, not letting a
soul know I'm here.

~~end pt. 1~~

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