Pairing: Willow/Spike
Summary: Spike has returned and brought Willow food. Willow POV
Distribution: Soulmates, UCSL, Bite Me.Please, Wacky Witch, Poetry in Motion, Musings Across A Pond, the usual suspects. Anyone else, just ask. I only want to know where my fic is going.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. It all belongs to Joss and a bunch of other people who are not now and have never been me.
Author's Notes: Thank you to Elisabeth for the beta! And I dedicate this fic to everyone who has ever sent me feedback and to everyone who has waited so patiently for this installment. I hope it doesn't disappoint you!
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Willow fought to keep from wolfing down her food as she sat on the bed, wrapped in a blanket and trying not to stare at Spike as he paced around the room, seemingly lost in thought. The sandwich was wonderful. Who knew white bread and cheap lunchmeat could taste so good?
She marveled at the enigma that was her captor. He had kidnapped her, beaten her on two occasions, terrorized her and threatened her. Yet, today he had been amazingly tender, taking her virginity with such gentleness. He had held her and whispered soft words to her. And he had finally brought her food. What was going on?
Things were changing, both in her situation and within her. But what those changes ultimately would be, Willow couldn't say. She only hoped that her instincts were right and that things would be better from now on.
"Want something more, pet?" Spike asked. "Here, have a soda. And there's chips and cookies for you as well."
Willow accepted the offered food gratefully, having finished her sandwich in what felt like the blink of an eye in spite of her efforts to take her time. She guzzled a can of Coke thirstily, having not had a soda in quite a long while. Sure, she'd had water. But she was still a teenager and soda came with the territory as one of the four major teen food groups. Being held hostage by a vampire hadn't changed that.
"Did I get the right things, Willow?" Spike asked hopefully. "I didn't have much time to choose. That bloody sales clerk came at me like a raving lunatic. It's not like it was his bloody store or anything. He makes minimum wage, I'm sure. No money coming out of his pocket, and it's not likely the boss would give him a raise or anything for stopping me. Least he can do is look the other way while a bloke gets what he needs to feed his girl."
"Your girl?" The words came out before Willow could stop them and she was filled with blind terror as she waited for Spike's violent reaction. At least she had just eaten. That way she might make it through the inevitable beating. She braced herself for the blow that was surely coming.
Only.it never came.
"Of course you're my girl. Didn't think I was just taking advantage of you, did you, pet?" Spike slapped his forehead and began pacing.
"It's all my fault. Haven't really been much for telling you how I feel. No wonder you just assumed.well, I told you a little while ago. But I understand your not believing what I said then. After all, they tell you not to believe what a man tells you in bed. But I meant it, Willow. I care about you, you're mine. For now and for always."
Spike began rambling on again and Willow struggled to understand his train of thought.
"Just like you care about me. I know that cause you wouldn't have made love with me if you didn't care. Not a girl like you. You're not like Dru. You wouldn't just take a man's heart and shatter it into a billion pieces after he's given you everything he had to give. You'd never close your eyes with him and call out someone else's name. It was <i>my</i> name you called out when we were making love. <i>Mine</i>. You were with <i>me</i>." With that Spike pounded the place on his chest where his dead heart no longer beat and stared at her pleadingly.
Willow fought to make sense out of Spike's fractured monologue. And while she didn't understand all of it, one thing did come through loud and clear.Spike's pain. Drusilla had obviously treated him horribly. It didn't take much to discern that. She must have called out Angelus' name when she was with Spike. And Willow could empathize with how painful that must have been. After all, Xander used to practice asking out Buffy on her. So Willow knew something of the pain of being a substitute for the one the person you love really wanted. And as bad as it had been to be a surrogate Buffy for Xander, she was sure it would have been so much worse if they had been making love and he had called out Buffy's name.
Getting off the bed, Willow tucked the blanket firmly around herself and walked over to Spike. She put her hand on his shoulder lightly, afraid to upset him.
"Spike, I was with you. Only you. And I'm here now. With you."
Why she was reassuring him, Willow could scarcely fathom. And what frightened her more was the idea that she might just mean more than what she was saying. Was she feeling something for Spike?
She decided to stop thinking and just let things play out. There'd be plenty of time for tortured self-analysis later. For now, she was too tired and too confused for it. She let Spike take her in his arms and hold her tight.
"Knew that, didn't I pet. You're mine. My precious, sweet little doll. And you'll always be with me. You'll never leave me alone."
There was the bit about dolls again. Willow's head began to ache. She didn't understand what Spike was talking about. But she knew that asking him to explain would be a mistake. So she wrapped her arms around him and soothed him instead.
"No, Spike. I won't leave. I'm here."
Willow didn't point out that she wasn't leaving because he wouldn't let her leave, preferring also not to ask herself if she would if she could. The last few hours had turned her world and her self upside down, leaving her changed in body, mind, and soul. She had a feeling that when she next saw her face in the mirror she wouldn't recognize the woman she saw there.
Holding tightly to Spike, she didn't resist when he picked her up and carried her back to the bed, pushing the bag with the food in it and the wrapper from the chips onto the floor. She thought he was going to make love to her again. But he surprised her once more by lying down next to her and just holding her close.
"Sleep now, pet. We're both rather tired. It's been quite a morning and you need your rest."
With that, Spike snuggled close to her and, for the first time ever, Willow fell asleep in Spike's arms.