(1)

"Willow. How do you feel today?" the woman asked.

"Fine Dr. Phillips, these sessions have really helped. Eight weeks and still nightmare free, " her patient replied with a relieved grin.

"I'm glad Willow, recovery from a childhood trauma can be a long and difficult process. For you, the fact that the person involved was punished
may have made it easier. The evident remorse that caused him to take his life shows the powerful hold unconscious feelings of guilt can have even on the worst of us."

Willow said nothing as she thought of the mind cold and empty of guilt she had touched with her spell and then filled with the reflected and amplified pain of his victims.

"You seem quiet today, is there something you'd like to talk about?"

Willow licked her lips and looked away from the psychologist.

"Is it the person who helped you? Has he had a set back?"

"No, he's getting stronger every day."

The doctor sat in practiced silence and waited for Willow to continue.

"I've been taking care of him and I think he's almost well enough to be on his own, that's the problem."

"I don't want him to go."

~~~~~~~~~~

"How's the great hero doing? " Buffy asked.

"Oh he's pretty good, he's up all night and he seems kinda restless so "

"I think I'll go over to the library, see you later," Tara said hurrying from the room.

Buffy looked at Willow as they heard the front door slam.

"What gives Will?" Buffy asked with concern.

In answer, she watched her friend's face slowly collapse into tears.

Buffy held her, she rocked slowly as she rubbed her back.

"Is it Tara? Is something wrong with you two?"

She could feel Willow nod her head.

A few moments passed, " do you want to talk about it?"

Willow pushed away and wiped her eyes with a wad of tissues from her pocket.

"She's jealous and she hates it. She tries so hard, but it's always there."

Buffy looked puzzled, "Jealous? Oh, God she doesn't think you and I? I know I've spent a lot of time with you lately and I'm grateful that you saved Dawn and all but.."

Willow grinned sadly and shook her head.

"Xander? Even if he wanted to he wouldn't have the strength. Having a girlfriend who hasn't gotten any for a thousand years is pretty exhausting
stuff."

Willow sighed a no.

"It can't be anyone new, you've been at class, counseling or taking care of Spike for the last two months and .."

"No Willow, Tara's jealous of Spike?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tara was at the library, she'd been spending a lot of time there, probably to get back at me for the hours I spend with him, Willow thought.

They weren't talking much these days. They were polite and Tara still did some of her usual sweet and considerate things, but Willow felt her heart
wasn't really in it.

She had just finished bringing Spike some warmed plasma and was washing up when Tara returned.

"The Wicca group is having a gathering on Thursday, they asked if we would come."

Willow started to speak.

"It's OK, " Tara interrupted, " I told them we wouldn't be there."

Her face darkened and tears sprang to her eyes, "they asked us, is there an 'us' anymore Willow?"

Tara ran up the stairs and Willow heard the bedroom door slam.

Willow sank onto a kitchen chair, "what am I gonna do? How can I keep hurting her this way?" she said to herself.

Later, she entered the darkened room and slid into bed. Tara was turned away facing the wall.

"I'm sorry, " she said touching Tara's back. "It's been hard for you I know, but the counseling is going well and Spike is improving."

"When is he leaving, " Tara asked her face still turned away.

"I don't know for sure when he'll be ready, I'll just ."

"When will you be ready?" Tara asked turning to face her.
 
 

(2)

The first time Emily Stevens noticed the gray car was when she took her daughter Sara to the park for a picnic lunch. She wouldn't have noticed it
at all except that her husband Walt had been looking at the same model to replace her old station wagon.

It was parked two or three houses up the street when they left for the park. Crossing the street, she noticed that one of the front hubcaps was missing.

After lunch, she watched Sara playing alone in the small brightly colored house in the play area. She noticed the car again, she didn't know it was
the same car until she saw the missing hubcap. She looked around and realized she and Sara were the only ones left in the park. A chill went
through her as she called her daughter.

Her back tingled as if she could feel eyes trained on them as they returned home.

She put Sara in for a nap and made herself a cup of tea, "settle down, " she said to her self, " you're letting your imagination run away with you."

Back in the living room, she noticed the blinking light on the answering machine. She pushed the play button and sat down.

"Hello, this is Norman Evans, I'm an attorney with Wolfram and Hart, we handled the adoption of your daughter Sara. Please give me a call." He
followed with a Los Angeles number.

"Em, " she recognized her husband's voice, " you'll be getting a message from someone from the law firm that handled Sara's adoption. They need us to redo some paperwork, they tell me it's just a formality. I need you to go to the Pacific Bank and get our copies of the adoption papers from the safe deposit box and bring them home. I'm tied up here so they'll send a car to take you and Sara up to LA. I'll meet you there later. Give my love to Sara, love you Em, bye."

Emily rose slowly and walked to the little room off the kitchen Walt used for a home office. She sat behind the second hand metal desk, opened the lower left hand drawer and took out a metal lock box. She opened it and removed a small key with a tag that read, 'Pacific Box'. Then she removed a thick manila envelope labeled, 'Sara - Adoption Papers.'

She remembered how often he would sit at this desk, take them out and read them for no reason at all except, as he would say, to remind himself how lucky he was that Sara was theirs. She reached for the phone on the desk.

"Sally, this is Emily, is Walt there?"

"Hi, no he's out with a client, is there anything I can do?"

"He called me this morning and left a message and I wanted to talk to him about it."

"I remember, he made the call just before he left with some clients. That was about an hour ago."

"Do you have a number for the client, or a restaurant where they might be?"

"Sorry, they were new clients, I'd never seen them before. Walt didn't mention any restaurant, he just said he'd be out for a while and he wasn't
sure when he'd be back."

"Thanks Sally, I'll talk to him when he gets home."

She replayed both messages. She listened carefully to her husband, trying to see if she could read anything extra in his tone or hidden meaning in his words. All she noticed was a little extra emphasis on the words 'Pacific Bank'.

She ran up the stairs and woke Sara, "we're going to take a ride sweetheart, we have to do something for Daddy."

She smoothed Sara's red hair, her green eyes were still dull with sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~

Emily turned her key in one lock and the bank clerk turned his key in the second. He slid out the metal box and escorted her and Sara to a small plain room with a metal table and two chairs.

He pointed to a button on the wall next to the table, "just ring me when you want to return the box to the vault." Then he left closing the door behind him.

Emily pressed her hands between her knees to keep them from trembling. Sara sat in the other chair reading a book she had brought from the car.

She opened the box and immediately saw a blue envelope with 'Emily' written across the front in Walt's handwriting. She opened the envelope and began to read.

'Em,
Please forgive me, I did what I thought was right for both of us. Sara is the most important thing now. I'm sorry.
I love you,
Walt'

She read through the remaining sheets.

He knew how much she wanted a child and after the fertility treatments and the try at invitro-fertilization, he knew they couldn't afford the fees for legitimate private adoption.

She remembered her desperation and how close she was to complete collapse.

When he was at his lowest, the call came. They knew about the treatments and failed procedures. They knew the money was gone along with their chances of adoption in the foreseeable future. They offered him hope, for a price.
 

(3)

They were lawyers with a very rich and reclusive client.  His only son had gotten involved with an unsuitable girl.  The son wouldn't listen to reason, and ran off with her.  Less than a year later, there was a car accident, the son was killed instantly, the girl died later but not before giving birth to a healthy baby girl.  Their client wanted to place the child with a good family, one that would appreciate a child and one that would not object to a few special conditions.

The conditions seemed harmless.  The law firm had to be informed if they moved and given periodic reports on the child's health and education. Additionally, the client would be able to meet the child, with prior notice, after she reached the age of five.  In exchange, all fees and costs would be paid.

There was one other condition, absolute secrecy.  No one, not even Emily, could know the details of the child's origins.  In the case of a  breach of this or any of the other conditions, the client would revoke the adoption and the child would be taken away.

He agreed and the lawyers set up an introduction with a man named Collins who would represent the child as coming from an unfortunate local high school
girl.  He as a friend and teacher would act for the girl in placing the child, the details to be handled by the law firm.

Emily remembered the night Walt told her about Collins and the baby.  How lucky she felt that her prayers had been answered.  In no time they had her,
their baby, their Sara.

In the beginning, someone would call Walt at the office and ask a few questions every month.  As the first year went by, the calls became less frequent and stopped after Sara's first birthday.  As time passed he used  a combination of guilt and wishful thinking, to convince himself that it was all over and Sara was safely theirs.

Then he read the news story about the man named Collins who had died in strange circumstances.  He felt uneasy, was this their Mr. Collins?  Using a few contacts, he found that it was the same man, a middle school teacher in Sunnydale.  The details of his death were more difficult to determine.  It seemed that Wolfram and Hart had immediately stepped in and used their political connections to have all information sealed by the State Attorney general's Office. The only information he could get were vague rumors of sexual abuse involving students.

He planned to travel to Sunnydale to talk to some of the people involved.  A friendly deputy had given him a list of people he had interviewed at the time
of Collins' death.  He wanted to uncover information to give him enough leverage to guarantee that they could never touch Sara.

"Em, I'm writing this letter just in case.  I guess I've been in the insurance business too long not to leave a little something just in case. Don't forget I love you both.

Walt "

There was one more sheet in the envelope.

Sunnydale CA Interviews

Buffy Summers
Dawn Summers
Alexander Harris
Willow Rosenberg

She returned the letter to the envelope and replaced it in the box, all except the last sheet, which she carefully folded and placed in her pocket.
 

(4)

Emily tried to take in this new information, who were Sara's real parents and was she really in some sort of danger?

Her thoughts were interrupted by a hesitant tapping on the door.

"Come in."

It was the clerk, " normally, I wouldn't interrupt you, but Mr. Stevens is on the line and he says it's very important."

Emily closed the box and stood, " we can put this away now.  Then I'll take the call."

She and Sara were soon seated in an empty office, she stared at the blinking light on the phone on the desk.

"Walt?"

"Em, I just wanted to call and make sure that you got the papers from the box.  What we need to do is very important for us and Sara.  There's nothing more important to me in the world than the both of you."

"Of course, but I need to …….."

He interrupted, "don't forget, go straight home, I know how impulsive you are, but no shopping.  Go straight home and wait for the car to pick you up."

"Sure Walt, " she said haltingly.

"You have all of the papers right?  You did go through the box completely?"

"Yes completely, I'm sure I have everything you wanted me to get."

She could hear the relief in his voice, " OK, great, I'll see you later.  I love you and I love Sara, always."

She heard a click and then nothing.

She began to quietly weep.

Something was terribly wrong, she thought.

She knew he wasn't free to talk and he was afraid for both her and Sara.  He wanted her to read the letter in the box, so whatever was happening had something to do with Wolfram and Hart and Collins' death in Sunnydale.

She thought she knew what he wanted her to do.  His comment about how impulsive she was.  It took her a month to buy anything, comparison shopping, consumer's report ratings, internet searches.  He would say she should have been a detective.

She wiped her eyes and noticed the concerned look on Sara's face.

She smiled, " it's OK, mommy just had something in her eye.  How would you like to take a trip?  We'll go for a long ride and stay in a motel.  We wont even take any clothes with us, we'll buy new ones when we get there."

Sara grinned, "Is daddy coming?"

"No sweetheart, maybe he can meet us though.  You read your book while Mommy makes some arrangements."

"Hello, I want to reserve a car, intermediate size with a child's car seat."

"Three or four days, I'm driving to San Francisco, here's my credit card number …"

The men in the gray car kept watch on the Steven's station wagon parked in the bank's lot.  They couldn't see the cab pull up to the door on the
opposite side of the building or the two figures it took away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hi Anya, is Xander home?" Tara asked.

Anya invited her in.

"It's Willow, I need his advice and maybe his help."

"Ok, I'll get him, " Anya said walking toward the bedroom.

She paused and looked back at Tara, " you're still a lesbian, right?"

Tara flushed and nodded.

"Just checking," Anya said opening the door and going through.

In a moment, Xander emerged pulling on a tee-shirt.

"Is something wrong with Willow?  It's Spike a knew it, you can't trust vampires. What did he do?"

"Can we go for some coffee and talk?" Tara asked.

"Sure, ' he said glancing back toward Anya who was standing in the bedroom doorway.

Anya gave Tara a penetrating glance, " you're sure?"

Tara nodded again.

"Ok, see you later, " Anya called out to a puzzled Xander.

Walking down the steps to the street, Xander shook his head, "what the hell was that all about?"

"Love, ' Tara said with aquiver in her voice, " it was about love."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You've been crying again luv, what is it?" Spike asked.

Willow sniffled and wiped at her nose with a tissue, "I think I'm catching cold, that's all."

"Pull the other one, it's got bells on it, " he said with a grin.  "You are the worst bloody liar that I have ever seen and I've seen a few."

Tears began to trickle down her cheeks, " it's just things with Tara aren't so good and … ," she hesitated.

"And what Red, what's the real problem?" he asked sitting forward in his chair.

"You're almost well enough to leave, " she said with a rush.

"And you want me to stay?" he asked softly.

She looked down at her hands nervously shredding tissues and nodded.

"Look at me, we have to talk about this," he said lifting her face with a finger under her chin.

She cleared her throat, " I know that you love Buffy and that you only sacrificed yourself to save Dawn because she's the Slayer's sister, but I
couldn't help feeling something between us too.  You listened to me, you trusted me and when you rescued Dawn, you rescued me too.  Forget all the counseling sessions, taking care of you was the best therapy.  I don't know how you feel, I'm not even sure how I feel.  I just know that I don't want you to leave."

Spike reached out and took both her hands in his, " first, don't be so quick to tell people who they love.  I admit the Slayer has some attraction for me, but mostly because she's the Slayer.  I wanted to help Dawn because she's a good kid and a friend.  As for you, you've got more brains and heart than all the rest of them put together.  The strength and guts it took to get up from that hospital bed, I'm not sure that I could have done it."

He squeezed her hands gently, " your biggest fault is that you don't know how good you really are.  You're funny and beautiful and smart and loyal and sexy and powerful and kind and, did I mention sexy?"

He continued, "I'll make you a promise, I'll move out; but I wont leave you unless you want me to, OK?"

She nodded and he kissed her lightly on the lips.
 

(5)

Emily drove slowly through the unfamiliar streets of Sunnydale.  She had stopped at the bus station and looked up phone numbers and addresses for the names on her list.  She thought she would check out the addresses before checking them into a motel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As they walked, Xander kept after Tara with a constant barrage of questions and nasty comment s about vampires in general and Spike in particular.  Tara decided to ignore him until they could sit down and she could concentrate on what she wanted to say.

Suddenly, she realized that steady stream of comments had stopped.  Looking back, she saw Xander standing in the middle of the sidewalk ten feet back staring open mouthed at the street.

"Xander, are you all right?" she asked walking back.

He didn't respond.

"Xander, ' she repeated tugging at his arm, "what is it?"

He shook his head as if to clear it and looked down at her.

"I guess I was thinking too hard about Willow, a car went by and I could have sworn that she was in it."

"Maybe she was, someone from school could have been giving her a ride, her Mom or Dad….."

He interrupted her, " it was Willow, but it wasn't."

Tara just stared.

He tried to explain, " it was Willow the way I remember her the first time we met, in nursery school when we were five."

Tara took his arm and pulled him along, 'forget about it, I'm sure it was just a red headed kid; and thinking about Willow, you saw a resemblance.  You were right the first time."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Well Sara, this must be it, the only listed Rosenberg's in town."

During the trip, Emily had gotten into the habit of thinking out loud by talking to Sara.

"Nice place, tomorrow morning we'll see if Willow lives here and if she can tell us anything."

'Willow, you there?'

"Where else would I be?" Willow said looking up from her chemistry book.

"What?" Spike said.

"You asked if I was here and I said where else would I be," Willow explained.

"I haven't said a bloody thing for an hour, I didn't want to interrupt you. Your ears must be playing tricks."

Funny, Willow thought to herself, it didn't sound like Spike at all more like a little kid.

She took a deep breath and plunged back into the wonders of inorganic analysis.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~+

"It is Spike, but not the way you think, " Tara said after she and Xander found a table at the coffee shop.

"I think Willow may be falling in love with him."

Xander stopped with his cup halfway to his mouth, " no way, not Willow, she wouldn't, she couldn't."

"She was remote and preoccupied when the bad dreams took over her life.  The dreams are gone and the counseling has been going well, but we're no closer. Since she and Spike rescued Dawn, she's been getting more distant.  She spends all her free time taking care of him, and the better he gets, the closer he is to leaving,  the more unhappy she seems."

"I think you're making too much out of this.  Willow was hit pretty hard and she can't be expected to act like her old self yet.  She's taking care of
Spike because he helped her.  You know she's the most loyal person in the world, she always has been.  That's all it is, we just have to give her more time."

Tara looked unconvinced, " you haven't seen her around him, the way she sat by his bed all those hours.  I would get up for early class and she'd be sleeping in the chair next to him."  She began to cry.

Xander put his hands over hers on the table between them, " Tara, we both love her, don't we?"

She nodded.

"All we can do is help her to be happy, if that means Spike is her friend or even more than a friend, and I don't believe that for a second, then we have to deal with it."

They sat in silence holding hands trying to see the future.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Emily spotted the car when she entered the motel lot.  On some level, she must have noticed it earlier as she tracked through Sunnydale.  When it
followed her into the lot, she knew what it was.  Speeding up, she passed through the lot and out the other side.

"Sara, you're going to visit some of Mommy's friends for a little while, OK?"

She saw her daughter smile and nod in the rear view mirror.

She thought of the nearest addresses on her list and decided.  Making two left turns and running a red light, she managed to lose them; but she knew not for long.  She pulled to the curb, unbuckled Sara and entered.

Anya looked up as the bell rang And smiled at the blond woman and her red headed child.

"Can I help you?"

"I'm looking for something very special for my father, he's a collector. Money is no object."

Anya produced a wide smile at this, " we have a few very special artifacts in the back, let me get them for you."

As soon as she left, Emily knelt and kissed her daughter, "be good and I'll see you soon, " she said trying an encouraging smile.

Anya heard the bell ring as she reentered.  The woman was gone but the child was still standing by the counter.

Hoping against hope, Anya asked her, " do you have any money?"

The girl shook her head and Anya muttered, Oh shit."
 

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