Parts: 11 - Epilogue
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~Part: 11~
*Are you insane?* That was Rational Willow speaking up from the depths of Rash Willow's brain. *You're thinking about sex with a demon, again!*
Yeah, and?
*Why would you want to do a thing like that?*
I'm naked, he's naked, I've got some energy to burn off, what's the problem?
*The problem is that he's a demon. You don't just decide to sleep with a demon. It was bad enough once, when you weren't thinking clearly. Now I'm here, and I say it is not going to happen.*
Why not? We can commit petty larceny, grand theft auto, assault and battery, capital murder, and suddenly you get morals about casual sex?
*Is that really what this is?*
What else would it be? Could you just shut up so that I can have some fun?
*Fun, huh? How can you have fun? Do you know what's been going on?*
I just want to forget...
*You can never forget.*
Not forever, I just want to forget right now, for this one moment.
Where do I take this pain of mine
I run but it stays right by my side
Willow did her best to shut off her brain, and crawled up on the bed, stretching out next to Spike. She bent to press her lips to his ear, trying to be a voice in his dream. "What do you want me to do next, Spike?" She whispered.
"Let me give you what you need, love," he responded in the dreamy voice.
Still focused on his ear Willow said, "And what is it you think I need?"
Suddenly Willow found a very much awake Spike on top of her, his forehead pressed to hers. "This," he growled before catching her lips in a heated kiss.
After a lingering moment, Willow pulled away and looked him in the eye. "You're awake," she observed. He only grinned and kissed her again. She felt him run his hands down her sides to her hips. A part of her wanted to push him off, resist him, or at least demand the dominant position. She subdued her thoughts and told herself to relax. The hands gripped her thighs and pulled them apart until his legs were settled between hers.
So tear me open, pour me out
These things inside they scream and shout
And the pain still hates me
So hold me until it sleeps
Spike moved his lips down her cheek to her neck. Willow tensed and uttered a small threat. "Bite me and you burn all the way to hell." Spike pulled back to look her in the eye briefly, showing her his still-human face, and then returned to nuzzling under her chin. He reached up with one hand, running it through her damp hair and tilting her head back farther. Willow closed her eyes as Spike ran his tongue gently along her collarbone.
Just like a curse, just like a stray
You feed it once and now it stays
Willow shifted her arms out from under him and ran her fingernails down his back, barely touching the skin. Spike shivered and moved his head lower to kiss her on the tops of each breast. His hands, on either side of her, supported him as he held his weight off of her, giving himself maximum access to her body. He tilted his head, kissing beneath her breasts, and moved lower circling her bellybutton with is tongue. Willow frowned, acutely aware that he had missed a major erogenous zone. Had he learned nothing about the female anatomy in over 100 years? The sudden assault of his mouth between her legs answered her question.
So tear me open, but beware
There's things inside without a care
And the dirt still stains me
So wash me until I'm clean
Willow watched Spike kneeling between her legs, his tongue flicking up and down, exploring every crevice of her. He used one hand to stroke her ass, a finger sliding down between her cheeks, the other hand held one of hers. Willow moaned softly as Spike increased the speed of his licks and strokes.
It grips you so hold me
It stains you so hold me
It hates you so hold me
It holds you so hold me
Until it sleeps...
She felt heat building in her middle. Her breath came faster and suddenly there was a breeze in the room. Willow looked to her side and noticed the bedside lamp levitating a few inches off of the nightstand. Determined not to be distracted, she thrust her hand down and gripped the back of his head, pulling him closer to her, encouraging him to press harder. When he got the message she released his head and put her hand to work helping him along, rubbing herself just above his mouth.
So tell me why you've chosen me
Don't want your grip
Don't want your greed
Don't want it
Willow squeezed her eyes closed, tightened her knees against the side's of Spike's head, and focused all her thought, all her energy, on the sensations she was experiencing. Spike, still licking her, now nudged her hand away, and switched to gentle pressure from his blunt teeth and light sucking. Willow plunged her fingers into his hair, twisting them and relishing the feel of him.
I'll tear me open, make you gone
No more can you hurt anyone
And the fear still shakes me
So hold me until it sleeps
Her breathing was coming in rapid, shallow gasps. The lights were flickering, the bed sheets blowing in the wind that swirled through the room. Spike licked, and bit, and stroked, and squeezed, faster, harder. Finally Willow cried out and shuddered against him. There was a crash and a thud as the lamp fell to the table, the lights went out, and the bed landed back on the floor. Willow hadn't even realized the bed was floating. She gently untangled her hand from Spike's head. He was looking at her, grinning in his cocky demeanor.
I don't want it.....no
Willow tried to catch her breath, but Spike had other ideas. He crawled back up her body and took her left nipple between his teeth. Willow sucked in her breath as he nibbled and kissed, switching back and forth, left to right. Within minutes Willow felt herself ready to burst again. When relief was not forthcoming, she stretched her hand down and grabbed Spike's hanging appendage. His head shot up in surprise. He smirked at her and leaned down to kiss her mouth. She opened her own for him willingly, pressing her tongue through his lips, tasting him again.
It grips you so hold me
It stains you so hold me
It hates you so hold me
It holds you, holds you, holds you
Until it sleeps...
Spike maneuvered himself away from her playful hand and knelt between her knees again. He entered her swiftly, meeting no resistance. She had been ready for him earlier, but her pleasure was only enhanced by the delay. He leaned over her, kissing her face again, holding himself off of her. Willow wanted his skin on hers, and grabbed his shoulders, pulling him down to lay on top of her. He obliged, and put his hands behind her head, raising her to his lips as he thrust his hips against hers.
So tear me open, but beware
The pain's inside without a care
And the dirt still stains me
So wash me til I'm clean
Willow's mind was mercifully empty as she met his thrusts, wrapping her arms around his waist to grab his ass and pull him deeper into her. Her fingers dug into his flesh, eliciting an approving growl from Spike as he closed his eyes and rest his head on her shoulder.
Just as Willow thought Spike might be reaching his end, he stopped and sat up, kneeling over her again. He gripped her elbows and pulled her up off of the bed, until she was sitting on his lap, facing him, legs on either side of his. She shifted until her knees were bent with her feet flat on the bed, and they wrapped their arms around each other again.
I'll tear me open, make you gone
No longer will you hurt anyone
And the hate still shakes me
So hold me until it sleeps
This position was so intimate that Willow felt thoughts returning until she looked into Spike's eyes and saw the fire there. Drawn back into the moment, she kissed him deeply, and then shifted her attention to his neck and earlobe. He groaned as she licked and rocked against him, creating a delicious friction for them both.
Spike slid his hands down her back and held her by the ass, pulling her in tighter to him, thrusting deeper. Willow pressed down into him as hard as she could, and began nipping lightly at the skin on his neck. She was surprised to hear him speak when he whispered, "Unlike you, Love, I don't mind biting."
Taking a hint, she held the flap of skin between his neck and shoulder between her teeth and sucked on it fiercely. She did not draw blood, but Spike bellowed in pleasure, gripping her harder and pumping into her with renewed vigor. Willow released his skin, where the small bruise was already fading. She gasped from the new bolts of fire shooting through her. With a final, bone-crushing thrust, Spike found release in her and she in him.
After a moment he released her, and she eased back onto the bed. He lay beside her on his back, staring at the ceiling. "Why, Spike?" she whispered.
"Because it's what you needed, Love."
"How do you know what I need?'
He rolled over and propped himself on his elbow to look at her. "I can read you like a book, Red. Always could." He kissed her forehead and lay down again. Willow said no more and soon drifted off, a cool dead hand holding her own.
Until it sleeps
Until it sleeps
Until it sleeps
~Part: 12~
Well after dark, Willow awoke once more to see the blond vampire watching her. This time she didn't startle, only smiled at him and stretched her aching body. The bed was comfortable, and she didn't want to get up. Lying there with Spike felt like just the right thing to be doing. Then reality set in.
Willow wasn't at home, and Spike was not someone she was supposed to be waking up with. Darn. Spike startled her out of her reverie. "You're face is looking better, Love. How do you feel?"
Willow stared at him, trying to comprehend anything he was saying. What was wrong with her face? Why did he care how she felt? Tossing the covers aside, Willow hopped out of bed to go check herself out in the bathroom mirror. What she saw there made her gasp. The veins were gone! Her face looked normal again. Well, except for the inhuman black eyes. Her hair was still black also. Getting a grip, she concentrated on her powers. They felt seriously diminished. Only her own power was left. All that she had drained from the dark magic books and Anya was gone.
Willow jumped, feeling a cool hand on her bare shoulder. She whipped around to see Spike standing behind her. She hadn't seen him standing there in the mirror, of course. "Spike! Most of the magic is gone! Gods! I can't kill Buffy with just my own powers!" Narrowing her eyes she added, "I could still levitate a pencil through your heart before you could drain me though, so don't even think about it."
Spike sighed for effect and rolled his eyes. "Love, why would I want to drain you? Aren't we on the same side here? If we're going to kill Slutty, we need to work together. In case you didn't notice, I've never been able to kill her on my own either."
Willow seemed to consider this. She nodded but then her face fell. "Oh, I see. So that's why you've been so nice to me. Because I can help you kill Buffy."
Spike looked at her like she had three heads. "What in bleeding hell are you talking about? Nice? Vampires aren't nice? Remember not two days ago in the Magic shop, when I tried to kill you?"
Willow looked up at him. She wasn't fooled. "No, not then. I was trying to kill you too. I guess we were both just acting on instinct. I mean since then, in the car, the woods." her voice trailed off into a whisper, "in bed. It was all to get to Buffy. Why is everything always about Buffy!"
Spike stalked back into the bedroom and fiddled with his leather duster, not answering her. He found his cigarettes, lit one, and sat on the bed, still as nude as Willow. She followed him and stood in front the vampire, watching him smoke, waiting for a reply. Finally he looked at her and said, "Believe it or not, I had a life before the slayer and I'll have one after. Not everything is about her. This," he gestured back and forth between them, "has nothing to do with her. At first, yeah I was just stuck with you, when you kidnapped me from the gas station, and I was making the best of it."
He took another drag and continued. "Vampires do have feelings. And I don't mean like sappy, poofter feelings, but like, when we were talking about torture in the car, it felt nice."
Willow smiled. So, talking about torture gave the vampire a warm fuzzy. Oh no, that's not typical or anything.
"I felt like we might have something in common, what with you wanting to draw blood, me wanting to drink it. I could see us getting along. When you were dragging out the deaths of those morons, you were just magnificent. I'd never seen anything like it in all my years. I can't tell you how hot that made me, and when you felt the same, I wasn't going to refuse."
Another cigarette appeared in Spike's long fingers. He had a faraway look in his eyes and Willow felt it best not to interrupt his little speech. So far, she didn't know whether to be touched or feel sick.
"We shared something there in the woods. Not just shagging, either. I drank your blood. Not a lot, but I could sense you afterwards. I can feel how you're feeling. I knew you were hurting. I could feel it when you slept. I could feel it when you showered. It's not natural for you, you know? The killing, it's not you. Not really. You'll realize it soon, and that will be the end of "Evil Willow". Even now you hurt. I could feel it, and it hurt me. I wanted to make you forget. Just for a little while, make you feel better. It worked, too. I could tell. When you were asleep again, it was calm in there." He pointed at her head.
Willow stood looking at the vampire. She couldn't conjure up one meaningful sentence to answer him. She moved to sit next to him on the bed. Her hand rested on his thigh, and she looked into his cold, blue eyes. "Thanks," she managed at last.
He nodded and then got up, snatching his stolen clothes from the chair. "You can thank me later," he said, glancing out the window at the rising moon. "Right now, we've got to get going if we're ever getting back to Sunnyhell and killing that slayer."
~Part: 13~
After an uneventful ride back to Sunnydale, Willow dropped Spike off, and he went looking for some decent clothes. She made sure he knew where to meet her later on.
Willow cruised over to the cemetery, to execute the first part of her plan; find Buffy. She figured Buffy would be back to her usual patrols by now. That would make things easy enough, just follow the sounds of the fighting. Willow pulled up to the curb and left the Corvette. It had served its purpose. Strolling through the cemetery, past the decrepit grave stones, she strained her ears for any telltale grunts or screams.
Aha! Willow heard a distinct thud behind the nearest mausoleum. She trotted around, and sure enough, there stood Buffy, fighting off two fledglings. Willow perched on a small stone monument and waited. After a few more kicks and spins, Buffy had disposed of her enemies and began dusting herself off.
"Still fighting the forces of darkness, I see," Willow remarked. Buffy looked up, startled at the sound of the familiar voice.
Spotting Willow only a few yards away, she jumped back and assumed a fighting stance. "Willow! You're back. And still with the black." She faltered when Willow made no move to attack. "You are still evil, right? I mean, you killed Giles. And Anya! Aren't you going to fight me?"
Willow remained seated, but her whole body was tensed, ready to spring to action if the Slayer didn't buy her act. "No Buffy, I didn't kill Giles. Spike did. Didn't you notice the fang marks? That's usually a big clue. I tried to kill him when I realized his chip was gone, but he got away. Poor Anya. What happened to her?" Willow assumed a grief-stricken expression.
Buffy lowered her fists and took a hesitant step towards Willow. "I saw the marks on Giles. That was before I knew Spike had his chip out, so I thought that must have happened after he was dead." Buffy hung her head. "We found Anya in the wreckage. Xander was a basket case. Still is. What are you doing here, Will?"
Willow suppressed a smile. "I'm here to see you, Buffy. I went away for a couple of days, and I had some time to think. I know I was on the wrong path. I'm going to turn myself in for Warren's death, but I wanted to see you first. My powers are gone. I'll never look like I did before, but the evil left with the power. I wanted to have one last chance to be your friend before I go to jail."
Willow's eyes widened as Buffy rushed at her. Before she had a chance to think of a single defense spell, Buffy threw her arms around her in a giant bear hug. After a moment, she returned it, grinning over Buffy's shoulder. Everything was going perfectly.
Pulling back, Buffy looked at her friend. "Let's do something fun for your last night as a free woman!" She declared.
"Great idea, Buffy! Why don't we head over to the Bronze? I'm sure gonna miss that place." Willow held her breath, waiting to see if Buffy would take the bait.
"Sure Wills, whatever you want." Buffy put her arm around the witch, and they walked off together into the night. "I'm so glad you came back, Willow. We thought we'd lost you forever." Buffy gazed at Willow, tears in her eyes. Then a smile tugged at the corner of her mouth and she added, "I read about the car in the paper. Excellent taste!" Giggles erupted from both girls as they turned down the street towards the Bronze.
After a few drinks, Buffy described Anya and Giles' funerals from the previous day in great detail, occasionally stopping to wipe her eyes. Willow realized she actually felt bad that she hadn't been there. She made a mental note when Buffy mentioned where they were buried. She would go and pay her respects when she got a chance. First, she had business to attend to.
Willow waved her hand in front of herself in a fanning motion and said, "It's awfully warm in here. Why don't we go out back for a few minutes and get some air? Maybe if we're really lucky I'll even get to stake one last vampire!" Willow kicked herself for that last part, but Buffy didn't seem to think it odd.
Out in the ally behind the Bronze, Buffy took a quick look around. "Sorry, Wills, quiet night. Not a vamp in sight!"
A deep, sexy voice spoke from the shadows. "Spoke too soon, Slayer." The figure belonging to the voice stepped into view. Willow moved to stand next to it.
Buffy gasped, "Spike! Willow quick! Get away from him! He'll kill you!" Buffy rushed forward to grab Willow away from Spike, but Willow held up her hand, and Buffy crashed into an invisible wall and stumbled backwards.
Willow watched Buffy as her eyes darted back and forth between the two of them. What a sight they must be, these two creatures of the night, pale faces, dressed head to toe in black and leather. Willow looked at Spike and smiled, imagining that if he had black hair they could pass for brother and sister. Well, except for the part where he was 100 years older than her. And the sex thing. That would be a problem. Willow shook her head and looked back at the Slayer, cursing her brain for babbling on during such a crucial moment.
Buffy panicked and turned to run. She smacked face-first into another of Willow's invisible magic walls. Trying another direction met with the same result. She was boxed in and she couldn't even see the box. Willow smiled at her fear.
"Willow, what are you doing? What's going on?" Buffy whined, still trying to feel for a way out of her cell. Her eyes remained on the approaching witch, giving her a certain deer-in-headlights look.
Willow stood in front of the barrier she created and reached through it, poking Buffy in the stomach before quickly withdrawing her arm. "Relax, Buffy," she said as the Slayer threw herself against the barrier again. Willow laughed. "No, no, only I get to pass through. Now, as I was saying, just relax. This will only hurt. a lot."
Spike joined Willow in laughing at the Slayer who was now landing high kicks at her walls, trying to find a weak point. Abruptly, Spike stopped laughing and a cool, deadly voice spoke in the darkness. "Let her go or the bleached wonder becomes kitty litter."
Willow whirled around to see Xander behind them, holding a long stake to Spike's back, right behind his heart. On instinct, Willow reached out to Xander, only to stop in her tracks when he took a step back from her, dragging Spike with him. This was not part of the plan. Everything had been going so well. Why did he have to show up? Willow felt her head spinning. She couldn't hurt Xander, not for anything. She didn't want him to hurt Spike. It shouldn't matter to her if he died, but it did. She felt her resolve crumble and with it, her magical prison for Buffy.
When he saw that Buffy was free, Xander released Spike, giving him a push that sent him crashing into Willow. He grabbed Buffy and ran. "Sod it all! She got away!" Spike fumed as he picked himself up.
Willow sat on the ground. "Yeah, away." Spike crouched on the ground next to her and lifted her chin. Green eyes pierced his blue ones. He nodded and stood, offering Willow a hand up, which she took.
"So then, Love, I take it you're not going to help me track them down." It was a statement, not a question, but Willow shook her head in answer.
"I can't. It would hurt Xander. I hurt Xander. I can't hurt Xander. Not anymore." Spike said nothing, but stood with his arms around the witch, rubbing her back, making soothing noises.
"And I can't hurt you. Aren't we just a bloody pathetic lot?" Spike sounded truly disgusted with himself. Willow gave him a questioning look. He rolled his eyes and explained, "I promise not to kill the moron."
Willow knew he meant Xander, and rewarded him with a small smile. Knowing Xander was safe would make it easier. Spike bent and kissed her lightly on the lips. "What are you going to do now, Love? We can't stay here. I'm sure Slutty will be back any minute with reinforcements."
"It's time to face the consequences of my actions," Willow declared, holding up her head. Then she bit her lip and looked down. "What are you going to do, Spike?"
"Oh, I guess I'll find myself a nice dank crypt to hide out in. One the Slayer hasn't seen me around. I suppose I'll try to kill her again, though it just doesn't seem to be in the stars for me. Maybe two slayers is the most any vamp can hope to kill." He looked hard at Willow and waited until she met his eyes to continue. "If you need me, don't be afraid to call to me. I'll hear you, wherever I am. And you'll always be welcome to come and see me. I'll still be here, even if you spend 30 years in the big house."
Willow gave him a goodbye hug. "I'm glad you were with me, Spike. I think you kept me sane." She turned and hurried off, not wanting to give herself a chance to change her mind. Her feet operated on autopilot, taking her where she needed to go. Before she knew it, she was there. Willow took a deep breath, and pushed open the door to the Sunnydale Police Station.
~Epilogue~
Willow didn't spend 30 years in the big house. Not even 30 days. After giving her confession to the deputy on duty, she was held in the local station for a week while a search for Warren's body was conducted. None was found. She tired to explain that he was magically incinerated and there was nothing to find. That didn't help her case. No one was willing to expend the resources to search for the bodies she claimed they would find in the woods hundreds of miles away. Eventually she was turned over to the hospital for psychiatric evaluation.
Willow spent two months closely supervised by a team of mental health professionals. Therapy sessions and anti-psychotic drugs were administered regularly. She was allowed to write to her friends, though the letters were screened, and only caused more head shaking by her doctors. Buffy and Xander were able to verify that she had indeed turned herself in, and was on the road to recovery. Eventually they were allowed to visit, though these visits were monitored by security guards and nurses.
The official conclusion was that Willow had suffered some sort of post traumatic stress breakdown after the loss of her girlfriend, which caused massive hallucinations. She was sent home with a prescription for Valium and a court order that she keep it filled. Either Buffy or Xander always stayed with her and though it was nice at first, she soon came to realize they still didn't trust her. They were watching her, making sure she took her drugs and stayed away from the magic.
As hard as it was to blame them, Willow began to feel smothered. And alone. They didn't understand, not that she could expect them to. She wasn't evil anymore, but she had lost her innocence. The darkness remained a part of her and no matter how much they wanted to believe otherwise, it was not within her power to banish it. Her actions left a stain on her soul, a mark which could never be removed. Like the blackness of her hair it would remain forever, as a reminder of what she had been, what she could be again.
What few spells she did had to be kept secret. Her grief kept quiet. Once again she was expected to be Willow: the strong, cheerful one. She had to make up for being the strong, evil one. She longed for one moment of peace, one person who would know what she felt and not hold it against her. One night as she lay in her bed, haunted by memories, listening to Xander's snores from the guestroom, she decided to find that moment, that person.
A small locator spell told her all she needed to know. She slipped outside and headed for the cemetery just outside the edge of town. It was a long walk, and when she found the crypt it was empty. He must be out hunting, she thought. Only a small pile of crushed cigarette butts betrayed the crypt as inhabited. Willow crawled up on the large stone slab in the center and lay down to wait. A few minutes later, she was asleep.
The smell of leather and smoke greeted Willow as she awoke from a rare, dreamless sleep. Next to her lay a blond vampire, still as death itself, and over them both a leather coat was draped.
end