"Willow?" Spike called out. It had been a week since she had told him
the
real reason she was around. Seven days without seeing her. He was going
crazy. He looked around the room, still not seeing her. "WILLOW!"
Spike stumbled to the sofa, sitting down and looking around for a glimpse
of
red hair. Had he lost her? He had been so stupid....lashing out at
her news.
It had taken him over twenty four hours to realize that it wasn't the
thought
of killing Drusilla that terrified him....it was the knowledge that
he would
lose Willow when he had done it. Dru was his past. He could admit that
it was
a deep past...a connection that had existed for most of his unlife.
But, for
Willow, he could do it. He had to. She'd lost so much for him...because
of
him. He couldn't even put his love for her into words. It was just
a part of
him now. A part of him he was going to be losing in less than three
months.
He had spent the last few days trying to find out where Dru was. He
still had
no idea. Since aiding the slayer, most of his connections had been
lost. He
was still feared. Everyone in the community knew he could still kick
their
asses, but it didn't mean they were all that helpful. That along with
the
need for secrecy he had concerning finding Dru rather prohibited finding
her
quickly. He only had a few months to find her and kill her though.
He again
called out to Willow, "Willow...come out. Please?"
Willow heard his please and almost gave in. But, he had told her to
go away
and give him time. She was trying to do that. No matter how hard it
was, she
was going to wait until he was ready and he had made a decision. She
had
listened to him call out to her for days. She felt terrible not letting
him
know she was there but she had to wait. Besides, he should have been
able to
feel her. He knew she never left him for more than an hour. Of course,
over
the last week she had been spending more time with her old friends...watching
them. She had spent so much of the five years with Spike and only briefly
watching them. Now, she was going to be leaving and she'd never see
them
again. She wanted to gather memories to take with her, whether it be
to the
damnation or to the peaceful place the powers had spoken of. She at
least
hoped she'd have her memories.
She suddenly felt panicked. What if all that awaited her was nothing?
Just
empty space devoid of all that she had known? She had thought the pain
of
being damned was bad, but at least she'd had her mind in a way. What
if the
happy place was just floating around and feeling nothing? She was even
more
scared of losing all her memories of Spike and what they had shared
than
suffering through any amount of pain.
"Willow....I need you" Spike said to the empty room. He felt relief
spread
through him as she materialized in front of him. He saw the look in
her eyes
and was concerned, "What is it?"
Willow looked at him, tears on her cheeks. "I'm going to lose you Spike.
No
matter what happens...no matter what we do....I'm going to lose you."
"It's ok pet" Spike said.
"No it isn't" Willow said, looking away from him.
Spike wished at that moment he could simply take her into his arms and
hold
her. But, he knew he'd just go right through her if he even tried.
So, he had
to comfort her with his words. This was something he had gotten pretty
good
at over the years since her death. "Willow. We have three months, almost.
If
you spend all that time worrying about what is going to happen, we
will have
wasted it all. I've already started looking for Dru. I will kill her
for you."
Willow looked at him, "I love you so much Spike."
He smiled a half smile, "I love you too Willow. I love you too. Now,
give me
a smile."
Willow smiled softly, wishing she could just hold him and feel his
arms
around her.