Willow folded the old flannel shirt, bringing to her nose as tears slid down her cheeks. She collapsed on the bed, losing herself in the scent of Oz. He was gone. Had been for three weeks. She knew he wasn't coming back. He hadn't said that, but she had seen it in his eyes. So much had happened between them. She hugged the shirt close to her, seeking some sort of comfort in its warmth. It was her fault. All of it was. Well, she amended, not his running out and fucking some other woman. No, that was his choice. But, in a way, she had driven him to that. She let her eyes find Buffy's empty bed. Her friend was out with Riley, again.
Willow was actually glad that the slayer wasn't around offering support. Buffy had no idea what had really happened between her and Oz. None of them dead. She kept those things private. It wasn't any of their business. Besides, they wouldn't understand. None of them would. She had thought that Oz understood. In the beginning, he had been angry and hurt. She had understood his reaction to her secret. After all, she had lied to him. He had accepted it though. They had been able to build a relationship that she thought would last. She had been so wrong. She had been lost in her idea of what they were....what they had. She hadn't even seen the slight look of disgust in his eyes....hadn't realized that he wasn't touching her anymore...didn't see that he had begun to hate her.
Willow tossed the shirt on the floor, angry at herself for crying. Oz had made his choice. Nothing she could have said or done would have changed it. Too much history between them for that. He knew too much about her...what she was really like. She was happy that he had simply left. She had feared after their last argument, before the entire Veruca mess, that he would spill their secrets to Buffy and the others. She didn't know how she could have handled that....if she could have. Willow knew that she would have left Sunnydale if that had happened. Her friendships would have been lost. She would have had no one.
She frowned as she realized that that had already happened. She didn't have anyone. Buffy had Riley. Xander had Anya. Giles had Olivia. She was alone. What was worse was that she had grown addicted to having someone. Oz was not the love of her life, despite what everyone thought. But, he had given her what she needed. Now that he was gone, what was she suppose to do? She was already feeling the need and it had only been three weeks. She felt shame and embarrassment wash over her as she realized just how depraved she had become. She didn't miss Oz...she just missed what he had done for her. She stood, her arms going around her chest as she hugged herself. What was she going to do?
She wondered if she was sick. Maybe wanting it constantly was not normal. But, to her, it was all she knew. Was that what had disgusted Oz so much? What made him not even be able to touch her or look at her without pity and disgust? Was there something wrong with her? She knew Buffy would think so. The slayer was very judgmental of things that didn't concern her directly. That was why Willow had never been able to talk to her about any of it. Well, Willow thought, that and a few other choice reasons. The redhead began to pace as she tried to determine what made her need it so badly. She knew in her heart, but she couldn't accept that. People could not make other people change their personalities. No....it was always in her. He had just brought it out....brought it to the surface. Now, she was stuck. A complete addict with no supplier, so to speak. God, she was beginning to disgust herself. No wonder Oz left her. Love hurts, she decided.
Willow picked up the discarded shirt, sliding it over her thin shoulders. She laid on her bed, curled up as the scent again washed over her. She missed Oz. Missed his touch. Missed him sinking inside her as she cried out his name over and over. Missing being with someone. She closed her eyes, letting memories of times past relive themselves in her mind. She went to sleep, a small smile on her lips.
**********
Spike glared at the blonde bitch as he dusted the ashes off his coat. "Fuck you."
"Ooooh, I'm so scared" Buffy said, rolling her eyes. She saw Spike's eyes flash yellow and smiled, "Uh oh...the big bad vampire is getting mad."
"You stupid bitch" Spike said, reaching up to hit her. He instead fell to his knees in pain, holding his head as Buffy laughed.
"Not a big threat now, Spikey" Buffy said, linking her arm through Riley's. "You don't scare me."
"Yeah...you've been neutered. Remember?" Xander said, laughing. He didn't dislike Spike as much as Angel, but it was fun to see the vampire that had threatened them so often defenseless as a puppy dog.
"When this implant is removed...." Spike warned, his eyes flashing. He hated this. Hated not being able to hurt them. He had lived for the torture. Now, he was a defanged kitten at the mercy of the slutty slayer and her toys.
"Yeah...yeah...yeah....you'll bathe in our blood" Anya said, having heard the same threat often over the last month.
"Why won't you let me hit you?" Spike asked, hatred in his eyes as he looked at them. "I could kill you fast. Take you away from this hell."
"Keep dreaming" Buffy said, looking at the others. "You guys want to head to the Bronze?"
"Sounds fun" Xander said, stepping away from Spike. He knew the vampire couldn't even think about killing him without some pain, but he still felt a bit of fear around the blonde. He radiated tension and hate and evil, and Xander avoided being very close to him.
"You coming, Wills?" Buffy called back, her eyes taking in her quiet friend. Since Oz had left, the redhead had retreated into the same shy girl she had been when they had first met. Half the time, Buffy didn't even realize she was around anymore.
"No" Willow said softly, her mind whirling as she thought. "I'll just see you in the morning. I think I'll head over to my parent's house and check on it. They're in Rio for the next two months."
"Suit yourself. See you in the A.M." Buffy said, wandering off with Riley and the others.
Spike glanced at the redhead, his eyes filled with hate. He saw her looking at him curiously and frowned. "What?"
"Uh...nothing" Willow hastily said. She looked up, pulling her lower lip into her mouth. She started to leave, following the path Buffy and her friends had taken. She stopped, looking back at the handsome vampire. "If Buffy had asked you to kill her, you would have been able to?"
"What?" Spike asked, his voice harsh. He hated having to be dependant on these stupid humans. "Yeah, I guess so." He shrugged, "If she wanted it, the implant wouldn't realize it was something evil. Why?"
"Nothing" Willow said. She looked at the ground at his feet, her eyes staring at the blackness of his boots.
"What the bloody hell is on your mind, girl?" he finally demanded, hating feeling as if he were on a microscope.
"Eeek" Willow said, surprised by his anger. She looked at him, her mind showcasing vivid images. "Uh...what if someone wanted you to hurt them, but not kill. Could you do that?"
"Yes" Spike said, his tone irritated. He wanted nothing more than to find a demon and take out his frustrations.
"Oh" Willow said, gulping. She felt her juices begin to flow as her green eyes swept over his lean form. He was so attractive. The best-looking man she had ever met....well besides...she pushed him out of her thoughts. She was looking towards the future. No living in the past, Willow Rosenberg. Right now, she needed it badly. Spike seemed the best candidate. He was definite fantasy material....plus his hands made her nipples harden. She took a deep breath, needing to ask before she lost her courage. "Spike..."
"What?" he hissed, his blue eyes flashing yellow as he glared at her. He saw her look at him steadily, the strength in her gaze surprising him.
"Would you beat me?" she asked, seeing his surprise reflected in those blue eyes. "Please?"
**********
Spike looked at her, sure he had heard wrong. "What?"
Willow let out a sigh. "Beat me. Well, that and fuck me. You said you could do it if someone asked.....well, I'm asking."
Spike's eyes narrowed, "What sort of gag is this? I try to hit you, you scream out and the slayer dusts me? Sorry, babe. I'm not falling for it."
"Buffy can't know!" Willow said, fear in her eyes. "It would stay between us."
"Not going to happen. I like my unlife just fine" Spike said, glaring at her. He had thought she was the only good one out of all of them. Showed what he knew.
"Please?" Willow begged softly. She felt tears of frustration in her eyes. "Oz left me....it's been over a month and I'm going crazy. I need it. He never really enjoyed doing it, but he did cause he loved me. I know love wouldn't enter into it with us, but you can give it to me."
"You're fucking serious aren't you?" Spike finally said. His lips curled in a cruel smile, "So, the little girl likes playing rough. Is that why the puppy ran away?"
Willow felt herself frozen in her spot by his cruel eyes. She felt the wetness gathering at the juncture between her thighs as she imagined his hands hitting her ass as those eyes stared at her, so cold...so unemotional. "Yes. He hated that I had to have it that way. I couldn't cum unless he hit me."
Spike kept his eyes narrowed as his cock hardened at her softly spoken words. His eyes raked over her, her arousal thick in the cool night air. She was asking him to beat her, which he thought might be fun. But, if the slayer found out, he'd be dead. The risk was too high. His demon surged forward as he suddenly had flashes of what it would be like...to beat her and then fuck her...having her begging for it...needing it. "What's in it for me?"
Willow's eyes widened slightly. "Uh...well..."
Spike snorted, lighting a cigarette. "Much as I think shagging your tight cunt would be a helluva ride, I could get that anywhere without the threat of the slayer staking my ass. So, what do I get?"
Willow felt her courage rise and caught his eyes. "Me. Think about it Spikey. My pale flesh just begging to be reddened" she moved forward a bit, her fingers playing with the button of her shirt, "the ability to hurt someone, human again....to hear the blood rushing through my body as you hit me over and over again....to see the marks you make on my skin....to taste the blood as it begins to flow softly....to fuck me so hard I can't move for hours...to take out all that growing frustration and aggression on someone who welcomes it...begging for more and more....to have someone take everything you can dish out plus more....to have someone to fuck whenever and however you want....to make the slayer's best friend scream out in pain and pleasure....."
Her words were caught by his savage kiss. She whimpered in delight as his hands encircled her wrists, pulling them roughly behind her back. She heard herself cry out as he tore the shirt from her body, her straining breasts brushing against the leather of his duster. She was pushed against a tombstone, his fingernails digging into her skin until she groaned. This was what she had missed. So much more than she had ever had with Oz. He had hit her, but never the way she craved it. His roughness had only excited her during the days before he changed into the wolf. At that time, he was rougher...more dominant. That's why he despised her. She made his demon struggle for control every time they fucked. Spike was different. There were no false claims of love or even affection. They hated each other but there was a lust between them. They both needed something the other was offering.
She gasped in surprise as he pushed her to the ground, her knees hitting the small pebbles that littered the cemetery. She felt her skirt ripped from her waist, her panties soon following. Large, cold hands kneaded her ass cheeks before they suddenly lifted, hitting her hard. Her head went up as she arched forward from the force of the blow. "Gawd yes....please....make me cum."
Spike's smile was chilling as he began to hit the girl's beautiful ass. His eyes inventoried her body, a bit surprised at some of the marks he saw. She had two criss-crossed scars on her back, between her shoulder blades. Her ass was practically unmarred save the small indention on her left cheek. She appeared to be telling the truth about her love of pain. His hard cock throbbed, the front of his jeans wet from the leaking pre-cum. It had been too long since he had a willing partner in this game. He hit her fifteen times, watching as she wriggled her ass, her soft pleas for more reaching his ears. She was soaking wet, her juices dripping down her inner thigh. He ran his hand against her cunt, twisting her clit roughly before smacking her ass with his wet hand. She screamed out his name as she came from his spanking, his cock never touching her. He smiled at her response, still surprised that she was so into this.
He unzipped his pants with hurried movements. She was kneeling, her head on her hands against the ground as her ass swayed in the air. She was breathing hard as she waited expectantly. He sunk into her tight cunt, groaning at the warmth. She was so fucking tight compared to what he had had the last century. He thrust into her with quick movements. His hands kneading her abused ass, making her cry out in delicious pain. He ran his fingernails over her back, licking at the small trickle of blood that followed their path. He felt her cunt tighten even more around him as she began to babble at him to fuck her harder and make her cum. His face changed as he sunk his teeth into her neck, his cock sending his cold seed into her. She groaned out as she came again, her words making no sense to his ears.
Willow collapsed on the ground, exhausted. That was so much more than she had hoped for. It had been amazing.....everything she needed. She felt Spike slip his thick cock from her and stand. She got to her feet, her body in sweet pain. She picked up the remains of her clothing, trying to dress as well as she could in the tattered garments. She felt a hand grab her hair, pulling her face back. She looked into ice blue eyes as his thumb opened her mouth.
"Tomorrow, you move out of the dorm and back to your parents house. I want to be able to access anytime that I want without worrying about the slayer" he said, his voice low and leaving no room for arguments. "Now, we will go there and you will invite me in. Then, I plan to fuck you again so hard that you will have trouble walking tomorrow. You are mine, little girl, until I tire of you and discard you."
Willow nodded, her arousal heavy in her heart. He was more than she had ever dared dream. She would allow him to do whatever he wanted to her as long as he gave her such delicious pain. He was right. She was his until he discarded her. She knew that time would come eventually. She would begin to disgust him or make his demon fight for control, then he would leave her. But, for now, she was going to enjoy this. "Thank you Spike."
**********
Willow put the last of her clothes in the closet, a smile on her face. She was happier than she had been in such a long time. Since Graduation at least. Oz had never been able to feel the void the way she had hoped. If she were honest with herself, she'd admit that she had only started having sex with him because she had thought the wolf would be more dominating. When he had left, she had clung to that hope. Now, though, she had found Spike. Her eyes became cloudy with desire as she slowly walked to her chair. She sat down, hissing as her backside touched the chair. Spike had been true to his word the other night. He had taken her back to her old house and fucked her silly. She had barely been able to walk to the dorms and pack her stuff without falling down.
He had left her at dawn, simply saying she was to be home that evening just in case he felt the urge to play. She had been home a week and he had been there every evening. She had almost lost her voice from screaming in pleasure as he marked her flesh. She knew he was enjoying it too. He was always so hard and ready for her. He loved to hear her screams as much as she loved to have him hit her. And still he would leave each morning with the order for her to stay home in case he felt like playing. She knew he was just setting the limits for her. Letting her know that he was the one in control. She had been through all that before. With his current situation, his need for control would be even more great. He felt weak and useless since his bite had been taken away. Well, she was just the girl to help him. He could give her what she so desperately needed and she would allow him to take her over and over. Of course, the fucking with Spike was rough in itself. She enjoyed the beatings because that was what she knew, but his touch on her skin as he sunk so deep inside her...well, that was more than Oz had ever made her feel even during a beating. He had been weak though.
Spike may be unable to bite, but his power and strength was still there. In fact, he gave himself completely to his demon when they were together. She had grown to love having the ridges of his forehead rubbing against her breasts as he thrust into her. She was able to accept him completely, something which she knew surprised him. So far, he had done exactly what she asked. He beat her with just the right amount of pain to add the pleasure. She had seen his white knuckles and knew he was holding himself back from simply beating her with no regards to pleasure. Of course, because of the implant, he would be unable to do anything she didn't ask for. She knew he had no idea what she could actually take so he was being careful.
He didn't want to do anything to jeopardize their arrangement. He now had an outlet for all his frustrations at being at Buffy's mercy. He needed her, she thought with a smile. Maybe even more than she needed him. It was rather nice, being needed like that. She moved to the bed, sinking against the pillows. She hadn't enjoyed sex like this for more months than she wanted to remember. Sure, she'd had the beatings. Nice gentle teasings...or slightly rougher but still restrained ones. These though? There took her back to the beginning....back to when he had first introduced her to pleasure and pain and the smudged line existing between them both. Spike was almost as ruthless....almost as masterful. She knew if it hadn't been for the implant, Spike would be probably be even more ruthless. In a way, she was thankful for it. He was giving her everything she needed but she didn't have the fear for her life that would have been present if there wasn't an implant.
She loved the danger that surrounded the blonde....she loved the strength and the cold...his playful nature made it all even more fun....the darkness in his eyes as he came inside her....his fangs sinking into her breast, her neck, her back, her shoulders.....the look of joy in his eyes as he slapped a whip against her back and listened to her screams....the desire that burned in their blue depths as he fucked her hard....the way that he would simply lay beside her afterwards, his hands possessively on her stomach or breasts as he told her of the things that would await her when the implant was removed....she hated to admit it to herself but she was beginning to love him.
Willow groaned aloud, wondering what she was doing. Stupidly falling in love with Spike. He still hated her. Even if he had grown to like her over the past week, if he knew all of it, he would despise her as Oz did. She could never have him so she needed to rid herself of those daydreams. She smiled sadly, wishing it were different. Wishing that he had been the one she had found first. They complimented each other so well. She thought of him, letting her fingers run down her body. She touched the wetness between her thighs, her fingertip running over the mark that lay there almost hidden by her soft red curls. She might love Spike, but she didn't belong to him. Never could. She belonged to someone that had left her....vowing never to look back....making her promise to move on with her life as she had tried to do only to end up almost where she had started more than two years before...someone she loved with her entire heart, soul and being....someone who looked at her with sadness and regret when he could stand even looking at her....her finger traced the A that marked her as his.....as Angelus'.
**********
Spike fastened the scarf tightly around Willow's wrist. He smiled as she shifted in her sleep, her mouth opening slightly as her little pink tongue licked her lip. He took her other arm, his fingers brushing the flesh as he moved from her shoulder to her hand. He drew circles on her palm, watching as her fingers clenched at the teasing gesture. He fastened the other scarf around her wrist before stepping back from the bed. He moved to the end of the bed, pulling another scarf from his duster's pocket. He fastened the scarf around her ankle before moving to the other one. Soon, his blue eyes raked over her body. He couldn't understand what she was doing to him.
He actually felt like a vampire again when he was with her. He was no longer the helpless impotent weakling depending on the slayer. He was able to be himself again. He loved it. He brushed his fingers over her pale skin, watching as her nipples hardened from the contact. He had been with her for two weeks now. In all those two weeks he had never taken his time with her...never seduced her. He had merely beat her and fucked her. Tonight, he was in the mood to play. He ran a tongue over her nipple, sucking it into his mouth. He felt her shift on the bed and smiled, waiting for her wake up and realize what was happening. He sat back and let his eyes move over skin, memorizing every detail. He moved down the bed, going between her legs. He inhaled her arousal, the scent almost intoxicating.
He lowered his head, running his tongue over her wet lips. He felt her move against the bed, her hips arching up slightly. He waited patiently, a smile crossing his face as she gasped out. He felt her pull against her ties and looked up at her, his chin resting on her lower abdomen. "Hello luv."
"Spike....what are you doing?" Willow asked, her voice breathless.
"What does it look like?" he asked, raising an eyebrow lazily before licking her belly button.
She gasped, the gesture sending tremors through her. "Um...playing?"
He chuckled, "You got it babe." He moved his face down, his chin brushing her red curls. He glanced down, his smile freezing as he noticed something. He brushed his thumb over a small mark and felt his demon rise as he traced the A. "What the hell is this?"
Willow gasped as she felt his hands tighten against her. His eyes flashed yellow as he stared at her, his fingernail digging into her flesh. She closed her eyes, saying softly, "You know what it is."
"That bastard marked you" he hissed. "When where you going to tell me?"
"It's the past. He left me. What does it matter?" she asked quietly.
"It matters!" he said, his tone low.
"Why?" she demanded, not wanting to lose him over this. She didn't want to think about Angelus. Not now.
"Because" Spike hissed harshly.
"You have the same mark Spike.....I've seen it" she whispered. "Why is it so wrong for me to have one too?"
"Because, it meant he had you first" Spike said, glaring at her.
"Forgot about this" Willow begged, her feelings for him overwhelming her. "Just fuck me....please?"
Spike ran his nail over the mark, wondering why he hadn't figured it out before. This explained so many things. The need for pain....the linking of pain with pleasure....the lessons that Angelus taught so well. His sire had molded the girl completely. He leaned down, running his tongue over the mark, knowing what she said was true. His own mark was nestled underneath his own brown curls. "We'll discuss this later" he promised, running his tongue over her juices, pushing the thoughts of Angelus from his mind.
**********
Willow felt his eyes burning into her skin. So far, she had avoided answering any questions but she knew that time was over. His reaction had surprised her. He had known of her past with Oz and hadn't seemed to mind. This was about pleasure and pain so what did it matter that she had been with Angelus? That Angelus had marked her? Yet, for some odd reason, it bothered Spike. Sure, she knew of their history and about Drusilla, but this wasn't the same. She had never meant anything to Angelus. To him, she was just something to use to ease his frustrations and in a way get back at Buffy. She had known all along that that was all it had been to him. At least in the beginning. Things had changed over time, but it had never been close to what she felt for Spike. She finally looked at him and demanded, "What?"
Spike kept his eyes on her, wondering why he had been so blind. His fingers traced the A in her skin as he stared into her eyes. She had been marked by Angelus. His sire did not perform such acts randomly. He had marked Spike and Drusilla after their change. A handful of others that had served him loyally for years. That was all. And rarely any so intimately. Spike knew of only two others marked in this way. Him and Dru. That is what bothered him the most, he realized. His sire had cared for the girl, marking her to protect her. Spike couldn't believe he had been so close to the mark and never noticed. He knew that most likely he had assumed it was his own marks scent that he could smell lightly in the air. He hated that Angelus had gotten to Willow before him. "When?"
"My junior year. You know when...." Willow said, not able to look away no matter how badly she wanted to.
"How?" Spike asked, still tracing the deep mark.
Willow closed her eyes, remembering, "Soon after he tried to kill me or whatever he intended.....he found me at the library one night. I tried to get away, but my struggle just turned him on. That night he introduced me to pain. The next night he began the pleasure.....goddess, he was so seductive in it all. It was just a game in the beginning. He knew how guilty I would feel for enjoying it and that I would avoid Buffy. It was just a way to get back at her. But, it changed somewhere. There was a need that burned inside us both. But, he left me. He had to or things would have gotten worse."
"He cared for you" Spike said, spitting out the word.
"I know. Angel told me" Willow said, looking at him. She took a deep breath and hurried along, "Spike, when he returned from hell, I was his again. He had his soul, so it was a different game but I was his. It was then I learned the limits of restraint and just how badly I needed the pain with the pleasure. Even souled, he needed it too. It scared him to death....I scared him. He looked at me and saw what he had turned me into. But, it was never him. What I am was always there....he just found it. But, he wouldn't listen. It became harder and harder for us to be together without him giving himself to the demon....without drawing the blood that he hungered for. He left Sunnydale. He left me."
"And you moved on to the dog. Taking any scraps you could get" Spike said, drawing his own conclusions. "Fucking hell....."
"Oz knew" she said softly. "That's why he left too. He couldn't stand to look at me. Couldn't believe that I had been a vampire's whore. It drove him crazy, I think. I drive them all away......"
Spike looked at her and saw the sadness and pain in her eyes. He reached out and wiped away a tear. "You haven't driven me anywhere. I may not like his mark on you, but I can't change the past. Trust me, I would have long before now if I could. The bastard marked me too so I understand. Doesn't mean I don't still hate him, but I don't plan on going anywhere. You make me feel like a demon again. I can't give that up."
Willow sighed softly, "You can't now....but later? You'll leave me too. One day you'll grow to hate me for what I am or what I make you feel....you'll leave."
"Don't push me, luv" Spike warned. He halted his tracing of the A, looking down with a frown. "He shaved you didn't he?"
Willow turned red as she nodded, "Yes. He wanted to make sure it was perfect and that nothing would mar it."
Spike rolled his eyes, having heard the same thing over a hundred years before. He moved his hand down through her curls to her upper inner thigh. He ran his thumb over the pale smooth skin there and smiled, "This is where I'll put mine. Right where I can see it always.....Don't plan on letting anything conceal it."
Willow's eyes widened in surprise and arousal as he finished his words, his tongue running over the spot he had chosen. His mark? She gulped as she leaned back against the pillows, her wrists still fastened by the scarves, as he began to lap at her flesh, teasing her wetness before moving back to his imaginary mark. She was trying to conceal her happiness at his words. He cared about her.
**********
Willow followed Spike into her room. It had been a week since had discovered the truth about her past. He seemed to accept it, but she still lived in fear waiting for him to not show up one evening. She saw the sheets and glanced at him, raising her eyebrow. "Red?"
He smiled, running his hand down her arm, "Blood red. Isn't it stimulating?"
"Sure" she replied, stimulated enough by his touch. She didn't need stupid sheets to turn her on. He did it well enough just being with her.
"Lay down, luv" he ordered huskily. "Face up."
She looked at him and followed his request. She laid down, her head on the pillows he had stacked for her. She watched him curiously, waiting to see what he had planned. She watched him stalk the bed, his eyes hungrily looking over her body. She felt her juices flowing just from that simple look. She smiled slightly as he removed a scarf from a bag that he had sitting beside the bed. He fastened her ankle to the bed, running his fingertips up her leg before moving to the other one.
"Have to make sure you don't get away, pet" he said with a smile. She smiled, anticipation spreading through her.
"Wouldn't want that" she agreed, holding her arms above her head so that he could fasten them too. She felt him bind them together, tying the silk scarf to the bed. He leaned down and kissed her before moving back to the end of the bed. Her eyes raked over him, taking in every detail of his muscular body. She saw his cock stand out, hard and ready, the tip coated in precum.
Willow's arousal was thick in the air, the scent perfume to him. He checked the bindings around her ankles, knowing that she was soon going to be pulling against them and wanting to make sure they stayed in place. When he was confident they wouldn't let her go anywhere, he went back to the bag and removed the antique dagger he had hidden there. He saw her eyes widen when she saw it, her pulse racing. He smiled, bringing the blade to his mouth. He licked it, his eyes burning into hers. "Time to play."
"No" she said softly, fear consuming her. He had never brought a knife before. This was far more than beatings. She began to struggle, cursing herself for what he was going to do to her.
"Shhh, pet" he said, his blue eyes raking over. "I can smell your arousal. You want this....you want me to pierce your skin with this blade...to lap at the blood as it flows....to enjoy the sweet pain it will cause...."
"No" she denied, her body heating from his words.
Spike crawled up the bed, staying between her legs. He leaned over, inhaling her arousal. He ran his tongue across her wetness, hearing her gasp of pleasure. Her fear was thick in the air, adding to the experience. He knew she trusted him, but she wasn't sure what he had planned. Good. He wanted to keep her confused. He licked her again, loving the taste of her. He moved his mouth from her cunt, his teeth scraping over her thigh until he found the spot he wanted. He licked at it, bringing the pale flesh into his mouth. He brought the dagger towards his head, again licking the blade. He brought the blade to her pale white skin, running his free hand over her wet cunt.
He waited a moment, his thumb dancing against her clit. When he heard her groan, he pushed the tip of the blade into her skin. He heard her scream, adding another finger into her wetness. He moved his tongue over her thigh, licking at the trail of blood that followed the path of the dagger. He continued cutting her, keeping the rhythm of his fingers slow and teasing as he cut. He could hear her cries of pain slowly fading as groans of pleasure began to softly echo through the room. He smiled, licking her blood and sucking on the wound. He halted the knife when he felt her tighten, her body beginning to rock against his hand. She cried out as she came, her juices flooding the bed and his hand.
He smiled, continuing to tease her wet lips as he went back to cutting. He finally finished, listening to her ragged breathing. He pulled back and surveyed his work. An intricate S now covered her upper thigh. He held the dagger against it, repeating words he had learned long ago softly. When he was finished, he brought the dagger to his wrist, slicing it easily. He brought his wrist over her mark, letting his blood join with hers. He let it mix, waiting long enough for the bond to be complete. When he was sure that enough time had past, he cleaned his mark on her leg, knowing that it was going to be sore for awhile. He brushed his fingers over the S tracing its path towards her wetness. He heard her gasp at the pressure he had on it and smiled. She would be in delicious pain for days.
Spike looked up into her wide eyes and saw the small trace of tears that went from the side of her eyes down her cheeks. He smiled softly, saying, "You're mine. Always."
Willow felt the tingle on her thigh, saw the blood on his mouth. She watched him unfasten her ankles, his eyes never leaving hers. She had figured out after he had started that he was marking her. His mark was bigger than Angelus' had been. It had taken him longer to complete. Of course, he had had to stop several times as she had orgasmed. She wasn't sure what he had done, but she knew he been chanting something. She looked into his blue eyes and was surprised at the love she saw there. He loved her. "Always" she said softly, her words making him smile.
Spike moved up her body, careful not to hit his mark. He entered her deeply, feeling the wet sheets underneath her. They were coated in her blood and her cum, a fact that he had anticipated. He began to move inside her, his mouth covering hers as he hurriedly thrust into her trying for his own release. He rubbed his chest against her breasts, catching her moans with his mouth. He felt his balls tighten and knew he was close. He brought his hand down to her clit, rubbing it roughly, wanting her to cum with him. Willow cried out as she felt his leg brushing against the mark on her leg, sending tremors of pain through her. She groaned as she felt his thumb against her clit, her muscles tightening around his cock. She felt his seed enter her as he pulled away and grunted her name.
"Mine" he repeated again, staring into her eyes. He reached up and unfastened the scarves, feeling her arms fall against his back. He smiled, nuzzling against her as he pulled her against him.
**********
Willow stood in the shower, letting the water wash away the blood and cum that had dried to her skin. She felt hot tears on her cheeks as stood underneath the spray of water. The mark on her leg hurt like hell. The water beating down on it didn't help. She traced the S that marked her, surprised to find that it was very smooth. He had definitely taken his time while working on it, she could tell. She put her hand flat against it, seeing that it was almost as big as her palm. Spike didn't believe in thinking small, that was for sure. The mark that Angelus had placed on her had been very small, just enough that she would remember whom she belonged to.
"It's a beauty isn't it?" Spike asked from the front of the shower.
She looked up, surprised to find him there. She hadn't heard him come in. "Yes, it is."
"You've been crying" he remarked, smelling the salty tears.
"Just hurts a bit" she said softly.
"You wanted it" he said, catching her eyes, "I couldn't have done it if it was hurting you."
"We know that I enjoy the pain" she said quietly. "Can I finish my shower now?"
"Don't see me stopping you" Spike said, opening the curtain and taking a seat on the toilet.
Willow closed her eyes as she felt the coldness of the bathroom mix with the heat of her water. She hurriedly washed her hair, not wanting to be under the cooling water for any longer than necessary. She turned the water off, stepping from the shower. She grabbed a towel and began to dry off. She gasped as the towel rubbed against the mark, pain shooting through her leg. She felt cold hands move to her arms, taking the towel from her shaking hands. She looked up into his blue eyes and felt tears in her eyes. "I'm so sorry...."
"Shhh, pet" Spike said softly, pulling her into his arms. "You are what he made you."
"No" she protested, "I was this way before. I'm a sick, twisted person. Don't I disgust you?"
Spike laughed, "Far from it, luv. Why don't we finish drying you off and get you into bed, eh?"
She nodded, wiping her face. "You don't like this do you?"
Spike looked at her, his eyes unreadable, "Don't like what pet?"
"Beating me" she said simply.
Spike smiled softly, brushing his fingers across her cheeks, "I don't beat you, luv. There is a far difference between pain for pleasure and pain for pain. Angelus trained me too, Willow. I thrive on finding the line and blurring it. To me, anything that makes you scream out my name as your muscles tighten around me brings me pleasure. If that happens to be hitting you, so be it. One day, that may change. I can adapt well, pet."
Willow smiled softly, "Angelus taught you well. You sound like him at times. Always able to calm me down. I don't want to lose you Spike. If I start to disgust you......let me know."
"You'll never lose me, Willow" he said, his hold tightening. "You have me always. Remember?"
"I love you" she said softly, snuggling against his chest.
Spike didn't say anything, instead picking her up and taking her to her room. He lay down with her, simply holding her as she drifted off to sleep. He looked at the S on her thigh and smiled slightly. He whispered, "Always, my love." before he closed his eyes and joined her in slumber.
**********
Willow looked at Buffy and smiled. "So, you and Riley are going to San Francisco for the weekend?"
"Yes" Buffy said, frowning slightly as she saw Willow standing beside the table. "Did you hurt yourself?"
"Me? NO." Willow smiled, "No...I just ran into the staircase this morning. I was sleepy."
"Uh huh" Buffy said, studying her friend. "Ok. Spill it. What's going on with you?"
"I don't know what you're talking about" Willow said, looking at the table.
"You've been avoiding me" Buffy said, shrugging. "I just thought you might have something going on you wanted to talk about."
"Nope. Just tired" Willow said, grabbing her books. "I'd better go. I promised to get these to Giles tonight. Have fun with Riley."
"Take care of yourself" Buffy said softly, watching Willow walk away.
**********
Willow walked slowly towards Giles apartment. She glanced at the sky, seeing the clouds drift in front of the sun. It looked like rain. She felt tears on her cheeks as she continued to walk. She was so confused. She felt as if there were two people inside her head that were fighting for control and she no longer knew which one was the real her. She wondered if this what Spike had to battle all the time. If so, she had no idea how he could handle it. She felt as if she were going crazy. And she hated it.
She put her arms around herself as she walked. How could Spike ever grow to love her if she could no longer love herself? She had always enjoyed the painful pleasure. Now, though, she saw the look of disgust in his eyes as she begged him to beat her before she could cum. Angelus had trained her though. She related the two in her mind. Pain equaled pleasure. She could not find the pleasure without the pain. Hadn't since he had first touched her those nights years before. Angel had tried desperately to change her...trying to teach her that pleasure for pleasure's sake was more fun than pain. But Angelus' lessons ran deep. Angel had finally given up, his demon's need for her still present. He had stayed with her for months, giving her what she needed so desperately....taking what he needed. In a way, making her even more dependent on it.
She was already so deeply woven in the cycle that Oz had not been able to pull her out, had she wanted to be in the first place. She hadn't. Now, with Spike, she feared she was going to lose him. Just as she had lost the others. She had been able to get over their loss. She didn't think she could get over losing Spike. They had only been together for a little over two months, but she felt as if he were a part of her. Since he had marked her, she felt even more connected to him. She could almost feel him before he came to her, often knowing he was outside before he knocked. She couldn't understand how it had brought them closer together, but she loved it. Now if he would just look at her without that disgust in his blue eyes.
She sat down, sitting on the grass and pulling her knees up to her chin. She didn't know what she could do. She wanted Spike to love her....to say the words. She had thought that he cared for her....he did mark her. But now she wasn't sure if that had been merely a way to best Angelus for getting to her first. She had seen the flashes in his eyes as he had looked at her. Sometimes she could swear he loved her. At others, she thought he just wanted to not touch her. She loved waking up in his arms, her head on his chest. It was the most fantastic way to start the day. She never wanted to lose it.
Reluctantly, she stood. She wiped her face, drying her tears. She headed towards Giles apartment, knowing she had to drop off the books. She hoped that Spike would be in early that night. Sometimes he wouldn't arrive until almost dawn. He usually stayed with her until she went to school. He would disappear while she was gone though. But, on those lucky days, she would come in during the afternoon and he would be waiting for her. She smiled softly, wiping the tears. She really wished he would be there today. She wanted nothing more than to fall into his arms and feel him hold her....help her forget who she was for just a few moments. She started up the stairs to Giles, taking a deep breath and hoping that he wouldn't notice that she had been crying.
**********
Spike scowled as the telly continued playing. He got up and began to pace around her living room. Her parents had sent a telegram, not even having the decency to call, to let her know they were going on from their conference to Bali for a little vacation. He wished he had them there. He'd kill them both. Anyone that treated their kid like that couldn't be human, so he'd even be able to get away with it. Implant be damned. He lit a Marlboro, blowing smoke directly onto the couch. Let them smell his scent. He didn't give a damn. His attention caught on the mantle. There was a picture of Red there that must have been six years old. She barely looked like she was in high school. Maybe thirteen. He smiled slightly, running a finger over her face.
She was beautiful even then. So sweet and innocent. Yet, she had that maturity in her eyes that made her seem so much older. Even then she had seen more than she should have. He longed to find that girl....the one she had been. Before he had changed her. Before Angelus had gotten his hands on her. Spike held onto his glass tightly, not realizing it had cracked until he finally became aware of the cut on his hand. He frowned, bringing it to his mouth and licking the drops of blood. He hated Angelus for what he had done to Willow. Sure, he knew she said she liked the pain. In a small way, he knew it was true. But, she couldn't even orgasm unless he hit her. That was Angelus. Complete conditioning. He had made his lovers dependent on him, needing that discipline for their release. It had taken Spike months to understand that back when he had first changed. Willow had no idea. Drusilla still relied on it, being the epitome of her Daddy's training. Spike could not stand seeing Willow get like that.
Willow had such a strength inside her. Her spirit had attracted him in the first place. But, seeing her like that, it just brought back memories of Dru. To begin, it hadn't been bad. He had thrived on the chance to bring someone pain again...to be like the demon he had once been. But, as his feelings for Willow had grown, so had his hatred of Angelus. He hated seeing Willow so needy....so weak. She shouldn't be like that. Everything Angelus touched went to shit, Spike realized. Well, he wasn't going to let Willow get like that. She would not be another Drusilla. She was his.
His, he thought smiling. Any claim that Angelus had on her was forgotten. If the poof ever lost his soul again, he would have to recognize that Willow was Spike's. The blonde knew that would eat away at his sire, even in a souled form. To have something taken from him....well, the bastard should have bonded to her if he didn't want some other lucky bastard to find her. She was too good for Angelus anyway. She was his, Spike remembered. He would never fear her going back to Daddy or anyone else. He had performed the spell, linking her to him. She had no idea that she had been chosen as a vampire's life mate. It was an ancient ceremony that he was sure she wouldn't recognize anyway. He had to love her completely for it to work. At first, he wasn't sure he could do it. It was permanent. Eternal. But, he had dreamed that Angelus had come back and taken her away from him. After that, he knew he would do whatever it took to keep her with him...where she belonged. One day he would tell her about their bond. Probably around the time she realized she couldn't die. He'd sure as fuck as have to explain things then. But, maybe he could slide a few years without confessing the exact nature of the bond.
He loved her completely. She was the soul he no longer had. Now, he just had to break this hold that Angelus had on her. This need of hers. The pain. Hell, he wasn't above pain in sex. In fact, it could be right nice. But her dependency on it was hurting her. Even now, he could feel her sadness. He shared many of her emotions now. She was falling into a deep hole and if he wasn't careful, he might not be able to get her out easily. He lit another cigarette, looking back at the photograph. He wouldn't lose her. She was not going to leave him, even if it was to retreat into her own mind. He had been through that before, in a position of helplessness. This time he wasn't. He was going to go back to the beginning and reteach her everything. She was going to learn about pleasure without the pain. He was going to break through the shell that Angelus had put around her mind and heart. Even if took him months, which he hoped wasn't the case. He did after all have eternity with her. They would start the lessons that night. It was the perfect time. He smiled as he turned back to look at the telly, glad her parents were staying away another three months. He planned on moving in with Willow immediately.
**********
Willow let herself into her parent's house, calling out, "Spike, I'm home."
It was only after she said those words that she realized the truth in them. This was her home again. Spike was her home. With him, she felt safe and loved, even if he never spoke the words. She wandered into the living room and put her books down. She frowned when she didn't see him. Usually he was already awake and waiting downstairs when she got in from school. She took her shoes off, leaving them by the couch. She had spent hours walking earlier, lost in her thoughts. Now she was tired and she still had no answers. She felt him coming from behind her. She smiled as she realized she could sense his presence now. "Hello Spike" she said, leaning against the back of the couch as she massaged the bottom of her foot.
Spike smiled as he realized she was feeling their link. He moved behind her, his hands on her shoulders. "Have a good day, pet?"
"No" she said honestly, knowing she couldn't hide the truth from him. "Overall, it sucked. How about you?"
"You weren't here" he said simply. "Plus, there is absolutely nothing on the telly during the day anymore. Utter trash."
She laughed softly, not wanting him to know how much pleasure his words gave her. She frowned thinking that he could have meant it was a good day because she wasn't with him. She sighed, hating that she let every little statement make her paranoid. "When is there anything on at all anymore?"
"Would you like to play?" he asked, his voice husky as he moved against her back, waiting for her answer.
Willow sighed, hating for this moment to end. She nodded, "Sounds like fun."
Spike heard the slight disappointment in her voice and smiled. She was growing as tired of the pain as he was. Good. This might not as long as he had feared. He pulled the scarf from his back pocket, securing it around her eyes. "Follow me, luv."
Willow followed him up the stairs, not able to see anything except the blackness of the scarf. She knew they were in her room when he stopped. She felt him removed her clothes, his hands teasing her flesh as it was displayed. She frowned, wondering what he was playing at. He pushed her back against the bed, the denim of his jeans brushing against her stomach as his fingers slid along the length of her arms until her hands were above her head. She felt him join them in one of his hands.
"Don't move them" he said softly, letting his hand drift back down her arms. He brushed his hand against her breast, hearing the sharp intake of breath as the tip of his finger gently rubbed her nipple. He moved his mouth over hers, teasing her with his tongue. He took her bottom lip into his mouth, sucking on it but not biting. This was pleasure. There was to be no pain. She needed to learn. He moved his mouth down her throat, licking at one of the bites he had made. He moved his hand to her other breast, kneading the flesh softly as he teased her nipples into hardened buds. He heard her soft moans and smiled against her flesh. He moved his mouth down her body, his tongue tasting every part of her he came into contact with. He continued to tease her with his touch and his mouth.
Willow felt herself enjoying his teasing, but she was waiting for the inevitable bite or slap. He was supposed to be playing with her. Why was he being so gentle? His caress was almost tender in a way. She wasn't used to that. She felt his mouth drift lower, his tongue swirling into her belly button as his hand left her breast and moved underneath her to cup her ass. She gasped in surprise when she felt his tongue flicker against her clit. His hands cupped her ass, holding her into place but not harshly. They stroked her ass cheeks with sweeping circles as his tongue slid across her cunt lips. She reached blindly for the head of her bed, holding on tightly as she felt his tongue slide into her wetness. She thrust against his face, his nose brushing against her clit as his tongue continued to lick deep inside her. She closed her eyes tightly as she struggled to keep from cumming. He hadn't hit her yet. She could not cum until he had whipped her.
Spike loved the taste of her. So warm and wet and sweet. He moved his right hand from behind her and brought his fingers up to her cunt. He slid one inside, bringing his tongue up to swipe against her clit. He heard her low moan as he added another finger and then another. She was rocking against his hand soon enough, crying out in gasps as his tongue rubbed her clit. But, still, she held herself in. He could feel the tension radiating from her, knew she was past the point of release. He brought his mouth down to her clit, sucking it inside. He moved his fingers into her, sinking them in as deep as he could. He suckled her clit as a baby would a bottle, his tongue brushing against it in even strokes. He heard her moaning and felt her body tense. He looked up, keeping his mouth on her. She was gritting her teeth, her eyes closed tightly as her hands gripped the bed. She was waiting for the pain to cum, he realized. Angelus must have taught her well. Too bad. She wasn't getting any pain from him. He moved his mouth from her, whispering huskily, "Cum for me Willow...cum for me luv..."
Willow heard his soft words...his demand. She groaned when she felt his finger brush against her ass. She felt it slowly working its way into her tightest hole as his fingers continued a gentle yet deep thrusting into her cunt. She felt his teeth brush against her clit, his tongue following. She again heard his soft command as the finger in her ass grew to being two. She was soon thrusting back against them as she arched forward toward the ones in her pussy and his mouth on her. She dug her fingernails into her palm so deeply she knew she was drawing blood. Again she heard his soft command. "Cum for me, Willow. Scream my name, luv." She gave up her control, her ass tightening around his fingers as her thighs tightened around his head. She gave a guttural groan as she cried out his name. Tears fell down her cheeks as she thrashed against him, her orgasm rocking the very core of her being. She felt her wetness flowing as he continued to lap at her, her breathing ragged as she came down from her high only to find him there bringing her back yet again.
**********
Spike stayed between her thighs, tasting her sweet release through another two orgasms. He could smell her tears but knew she was enjoying this. Her first orgasm had even moved him, it had been so powerful. He reluctantly moved his mouth from between her legs, his face covered completely in her juices. He unfastened his jeans, pushing them off and onto the floor. He moved up her body, smiling when he saw that she had opened her eyes finally. The blindfold having come apart during her writing from his mouth on her. He hadn't fastened it tight enough, but that wasn't of interest to him at the moment. His cock was hard and ready, the tip soaked with his pre-cum. It had taken all of his control not to shoot off from hearing her cum. He kissed his way up her body, wiping his wet face across her. Soon, she was gleaming with a sheen of sweat and her own juices. The smell of sex was thick in the air, covering them both as he took her nipple into his mouth. He gently sucked it, his fingers dancing across her swollen clit. He moved to the other, loving the sounds of her moaning.
Finally, he moved up to her face, taking her lips. He felt a sense of triumph as she kissed him back completely, her tongue sweeping into his mouth as she nibbled on his lips. He brushed his cock against her wetness, feeling the warmth against him. She was so wet...so ready. He slid into her slowly, moving just the head into her cunt. He heard her groan as she writhed against him, arching up for more. He chuckled as he pulled back, not giving her what she so desperately needed. He continued to tease her, never sinking more than the head of his cock into her before pulling back. He was testing her...waiting to see what she did.
Willow wanted to kill him. She needed him so badly, the ache between her thighs consuming her in a way it had never done before. There was no pain, but the pleasure was undoubtable. She was on fire from his touch. And he wanted to tease her. She moved her mouth from his, demanding, "Fuck me!"
"Uh uh, luv. Say please" he said, brushing kisses over her face.
She groaned, a gleam entering her eyes. She moved her hands behind him, holding onto his ass as she thrust up, taking him completely inside her. She moaned in approval as she felt his balls resting against her ass. She used all the strength she had to catch him unawares and move them so that she was on top. She looked into his eyes, seeing the triumph and approval in their blue depths as she began to ride him. She sat up, her breasts bouncing as she for the first time controlled their love making. She moved her hands behind her, putting them on his knees as she moved. She gasped when she felt his cold finger brush against her clit, sending shockwaves of pleasure through her. She felt him move as he began to thrust up into her, his touch still tender as they fucked, their pace speeding up. She felt her cunt muscles tighten around him as she fell forward, her mouth claiming his before she cried out in release. She felt his hold on her tighten as he pushed up three times before she felt his seed sent into her. She drew in a few deep breaths, her head against his chest as his cock went limp inside her.
"Luv...you ok?" he asked, getting her to look at him. He saw the tears on her face and cursed, wondering if he had done the wrong thing...taken it too far too fast.
"That was...wow" she said softly, not sure what to say. "Why?"
"I love you" he said simply, "I don't like seeing you in pain."
She smiled at his words, "You love me?"
"Pleasure in itself is fun, don't you agree?" he said softly.
She nodded, "Yes...but I can't promise that I won't want you to hit me...it was tough tonight....forgetting about that need....it is still there Spike. I can't lie and say that it isn't."
"It always will be, luv" he said, stroking her face. "You just need to learn that it isn't the only need you have."
She smiled softly, "I may need some help with that...."
He grinned at the wicked gleam in her eyes. "I think I may be talked into assisting. Only because you need the help, of course."
"I love you Spike" she said quietly, kissing him gently before snuggling against his cold body. She closed her eyes, his arms around her. She felt so safe in his embrace. She never wanted to leave it. It might be tough for her to learn to ignore that need for pain, but with him...for him...she would do it. She heard him whisper the same words of love as he brushed a kiss against her neck. She smiled softly, letting sleep overtake her.
THE END