ULTERIOR MOTIVES (12/?)
 

Willow opened her eyes and frowned, sitting up and looking around. She was in
Buffy's room. She glanced down and saw that she had been stripped and put
into a large T-shirt, her clothes resting on a chair beside the bed. She ran
a hand through her hair, memories of the previous night assaulting her as she
sighed softly. Tara was dead. She leaned back against the headboard, tears
filling her eyes. Her lover was gone. She would never see her smile or hear
her voice or feel her soft touch in the darkness of the night. She pulled her
knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them as she rested her forehead
on them. She couldn't believe that Tara was really dead. It seemed like such
a horrible nightmare.
 

Buffy stood in the doorway, her hazel eyes looking at her friend with
sadness. She looked down at the cup of coffee in her hand and wondered if she
should intrude. She heard a sniffle and looked up, taking a deep breath to
steady herself and then entered the room. She called softly, "Wills? I
brought you some coffee."
 

Willow looked up, smiling through her tears as she saw her best friend.
"Buffy, it's not a bad dream isn't it?"
 

"I'm afraid not, honey," Buffy said, putting the mug on the table beside her
bed and sitting beside Willow. She moved her hand to Willow's face, brushing
away a tear as she said, "You need a shoulder?"
 

"I just can't believe that she's dead," Willow whispered, a fresh crop of
tears entering her green eyes.
 

"Come here," Buffy said, her arms going around Willow in a hug. She felt the
redhead settle her head on her shoulder, her shirt quickly growing damp from
tears. "I'm so sorry. I should have done something."
 

"Not your fault," Willow said, resting her cheek against Buffy's shoulder as
her eyes looked towards the window. "Buffy, you can't blame yourself for
every death that happens."
 

"I'm the slayer, Willow. I should have known something was wrong with her. I
should have confronted her or done something," Buffy said, her hand smoothing
Willow's hair.
 

"You? This is more my fault than anyone else's. No. It's no one's fault. It
happened. She's dead. No amount of guilt or accusations will bring her back.
She wouldn't want us to blame ourselves," Willow said softly, sighing again.
She pulled back, looking at her friend, "I'm sorry I was so nutty last night.
I completely broke down."
 

"I would have been worse," Buffy said, smiling softly. "Besides, Spike and I
were there to keep you together. You didn't fall apart."
 

"He was so good with me last night," Willow said, her tone slightly
surprised. "He was so caring, he listened and was comforting. I don't know
what I might have done if he hadn't been there."
 

"I think I'm been very unfair to him," Buffy admitted quietly. "I thought
about it last night, on my way back to the magic shop. He's been trying to
help and I've been such a bitch to him. I've decided to do better though. Try
to include him more. I think he must be lonely."
 

"Are you feeling all right?" Willow asked, smiling slightly. "You actually
care if Spike is lonely?"
 

"Am I really that bad?" Buffy asked softly, staring into Willow's eyes for an
honest answer.
 

"Buffy, you're a slayer. He's a vampire. I don't think you're meant to get
along and have tea parties," Willow said, wiping her eyes with the back of
her hand. "I think that it is extremely mature of you to realize you might
have been wrong in dealing with him and plan to make amends, of sorts."
 

"I mean, am I really such a bitch? I know I tend to be a bit selfish. Only
child and being the slayer and everything...I don't know, sometimes I stop
and wonder if I know who I really am," the blonde confessed quietly.
 

"I understand that," Willow said, smiling as she ruffled Buffy's hair.
"You're Buffy Summers, my best friend. Do you really need to know anymore
than that?"
 

Buffy laughed softly, "You know, you're the one that lost someone you loved.
You shouldn't be trying to cheer me up, I should be the one taking your mind
off of it."
 

"I've cried so much the last day that I don't think there's anything left,"
Willow said. "Like I said, Tara wouldn't want me to be this unhappy. It
hurts, knowing that she's gone, but we'd been drifting apart the last few
weeks and I know I should be more upset. I feel so guilty for *not* being
able to cry anymore than I have."
 

"Give it time, Wills. You were a wreck last night if that helps," Buffy said,
moving her forehead against Willow's. "You're so very strong, but if you need
me, I'm right here with two rather strong shoulders. You can take your pick
which one to use."
 

"I love you, Buffy," Willow said, smiling as she hugged her best friend.
 

"Love you too, Willow," Buffy said softly, tightening her hold on the redhead
before pulling back. "Why don't you drink your coffee before it gets cold
then we can get dressed and find Giles."
 

"OK," Willow said, wiping the tears from her face as she picked up the coffee
mug and took a sip.

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