ULTERIOR MOTIVES (7/?)
 

Willow studied the blonde opposite her, knowing that something was bothering
the slayer. She looked at her coffee then back at Buffy before asking, "Is
something wrong?"
 

"Huh?" Buffy looked up, smiling wryly. "Sorry, I guess I haven't been the
best company tonight."
 

"Did you and Riley have a fight?" Willow asked.
 

"God, no," Buffy shook her head. "I had a talk with Spike, before coming
here. It wasn't very pleasant."
 

"Spike?" Willow frowned, "What about?"
 

"His little crush on me," Buffy said, taking a sip of mocha. "I called him on
it."
 

"You did?" Willow asked in surprise. "What did he say?"
 

"He denied it," Buffy said, "but I could see it. I tried to be nice but
forceful. I really do hope he listened."
 

"What did you say?" Willow asked, sitting back and listening as Buffy relayed
their conversation. When Buffy was finished, she said, "That was just mean."
 

"What?" Buffy looked at Willow in surprise.
 

"If he really did love you, I mean, love love, that was cruel to treat him
like that. You didn't even give him a chance to respond much less talk to you
about it. You just assumed that your idea was the truth without even finding
out," Willow looked at the table. "I'm used to you being rather selfish and
self centered, Buffy. It's just part of you so I accept it. But, tonight,
that was just bad."
 

"I'm not selfish," Buffy defended, trailing off. "OK, so I might be a bit
self absorbed but I know he likes me. I just did it to save him the trouble
of getting hurt."
 

"You did it because you don't want to deal with Riley if he finds out you
knew that Spike was watching you and did nothing," Willow said. "Concern for
Spike never entered into this. It was the easy way out."
 

"Quite the little Spike defender, aren't you?" Buffy said finally. "Does Tara
know how you champion the bleached blonde dunder?"
 

"Tara doesn't talk to me anymore," Willow said tightly. "We've barely spoken
a dozen words in a week. I doubt she'd know if I ran around naked with a
large sign that said Protect the Vampires."
 

"Oh," Buffy said softly, having no idea that her friend's relationship had
hit a snag. She had known there had been a bit of discontent, but hadn't
realized it was so far gone. "She's gotten worse?"
 

Willow nodded, making a pained face, "I can't do anything. I try and she
pushes me away. What's worse is that I don't even think she realizes she's
doing it. I have no idea what she's into, but it's scaring me. She's coming
in so late and I can feel the magic on her. She just smiles at me without
actually seeing me and then goes on to class. It hurts to think it, but I
fear that I've lost her."
 

"And me whining about having Stalker Spike isn't helping much, is it?" Buffy
asked with a sheepish smile.
 

"It isn't helping," Willow answered with a smile. "I mean, I feel for him. If
he does actually have feelings for you, I can understand how hurt and
confused he must be. And if you're wrong, and he doesn't, I can imagine his
reaction to that too."
 

"Wanting to kill a slayer?" Buffy asked, wondering if she really might have
imagined Spike's crush. She knew it wasn't likely. He had been watching her
for weeks, following her, standing outside her house. She'd even found him in
her room once, though Willow didn't know about that.
 

"No, just angry at the world in general," Willow said.
 

"Are you going to try to work things out?" Buffy asked, remembering that
being Willow's choice the last time they had a similar conversation.
 

"I don't think there's much chance," Willow said, resigned. "I can't live
like this, not knowing what she's doing and not talking to her. That's not a
relationship. I don't trust her anymore. I can't live with someone that I
don't trust. I can't love someone that I don't trust."
 

"Do you want to stay with me for awhile? Until things calm down?" Buffy asked.
 

"No, but thanks. I really feel that I might need some time alone. I'm
planning on moving back home. My Mom said it was OK. She and Dad are in
Berlin for a series of lectures that are going to last three months. Maybe by
then I'll have made some decisions about what to do," Willow said.
 

"Does Tara know you're leaving?" Buffy asked softly.
 

Willow laughed sadly, "She probably won't realize I'm gone."
 

"I'm sorry, Will," Buffy said sincerely. "I had hopes that this one might
last for you."
 

"I don't know...I'm beginning to wonder if it is some sort of Hellmouth
curse. I can't seem to find anyone that will just love me back," Willow said,
taking a sip of her coffee.
 

"Maybe you're just not looking in the right places," Buffy suggested, hating
to see her friend so sad.
 

"I think I'm just going to stop looking," Willow decided. "You know that you
really do need to apologize to Spike."
 

"Argh," Buffy moaned, "back to that? Why don't we just wait and see? If he
stops being around, we'll know that I was right. If he stills seems the same,
I'll apologize for jumping to conclusions. How is that Mom?"
 

"I guess it should be fine," Willow said. "For his sake, I really hope that
he didn't have any feelings for you."
 

"I think it was just a silly crush. I can't see Spike suddenly deciding that
he loved me, you know?" Buffy asked. "Just a bit too weird, even for the
Hellmouth."
 

"And especially not after actually knowing you," Willow said, giggling
slightly at Buffy's look of outrage. "What? You are definitely not his type."
 

"True. I'm not insane or dead," Buffy said sweetly.
 

"Hey, now, you've even admitted that you admire his devotion to Drusilla,"
Willow reminded the slayer of a conversation that they had had years before
after Spike had kidnapped Willow. "When we were both talking about how it
must feel to have someone that loved us that much."
 

"Yeah, I remember," Buffy said, making a face. "We were young and foolish.
That's my excuse for ever admiring Spike."
 

"I don't know....I still find it admirable," Willow said, thinking of her own
two doomed affairs. "The lengths he was willing to go to save her. You don't
find that very often."
 

"OK. In a completely macabre way, that devotion and everlasting love is
refreshing and admirable. I can envy it a bit, but I wouldn't dwell on ever
finding anything like it," Buffy said.
 

"True. I mean, how many guys would plot and scheme just to have you with them
forever?" Willow asked. "Not very many. I still can't believe she dumped him.
She must be nuts."
 

"And again I hear that Spike devotion," Buffy remarked with curious eyes. "Is
there something you want to tell me, Wills? I mean, last time I checked, you
were playing on a different playing field."
 

"There's nothing you need to know, Buffy," Willow said with a smile. "I just
admire him a bit is all. Nothing else. And I wasn't aware that I couldn't
play on both fields."
 

"Ah," Buffy said, smiling. "Like that is it?"
 

"You make it sound so seedy," Willow shook her head. "Just because I loved
Tara doesn't mean I'm a lesbian. And just because I loved Oz doesn't mean I'm
straight. I think people get a bit too caught up in being one thing or the
other instead of just being who they are."
 

"Yes, Ma'am," Buffy said, waving the waitress over. "Want another, Will?"
 

"That would be great," Willow said, in no hurry to go to the dorm and pack
her belongings. She honestly doubted that Tara would even notice for days.
Settling back in the booth, the two girls began to talk about happier things,
trying to take the redhead's mind off what was awaiting her.

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