ALL IT IS (1/1)
 

Willow stretched as she got out of bed. Her green eyes moved to the empty
space of bed beside where she had slept, noticing the idention in the pillow.
That was the only trace that Spike had actually been there, that he hadn't
just been a dream. She ran a hand over her face as she walked to the
bathroom. She was so confused. She had no idea what was happening between her
and the blonde vampire, if there was really anything happening at all. Right
now, it had been sex. Truly mind blowing, fantastic, satisfying sex, but just
sex. Five nights of sex, with him waking her from her dreams. Ha, who was she
kidding? She hadn't been able to sleep since that Sunday night that she had
blurred her dream with reality. She kept laying awake hoping, praying that he
would come in and take her away from this lonely room, even for just a few
hours. And every night that's exactly what he had done.
 

They had not spoken at all since their affair had started. Affair? Was that
the right word? She'd always thought an affair centered around extreme
emotions, love and lust that swept a couple away. True, she and Spike seemed
to have the lust in spades, but that was it. The year before, in between Oz
leaving and finding Tara, they had even begun to be friends of sorts, but for
some reason he'd pushed her away. She knew part of it was the implant, but
there had to have been something else. And he had hated Tara. Always growling
at her lover and glaring at her. Enough so that the blonde had felt scared of
him. Yet another piece in the puzzling mystery that was Spike. She would
never understand him, even if she really wanted to, which she wasn't sure
about.
 

It was becoming increasingly difficult though. Knowing that he might come to
her but that he might not. The fear <yes, it was fear> that he wouldn't. She
was starting to depend on their nights together. He made her feel wanted
again, made her feel like a desirable woman, as cliched as that might sound.
She'd been hurt so much the past year that it felt nice to have something
physical without the emotional involvement. Hell, without involvement of any
kind. They weren't even friends sharing their bodies. They were aquaintances,
both lonely and needing what the other could provide. Yeah, that's all it
was.
 

She wasn't sure how she was supposed to act though. In her room, it was about
not thinking, it was about feeling. It was about simply taking what they
wanted, enjoying the sins of the flesh so to speak. That's all it is, she
told herself. Simple enjoyment of mutual unexplained lust. The problem was
that they didn't just exist in her bedroom. They had research sessions, like
the other night. She had ignored him, not wanting anyone to see the truth on
her face. She just knew that Buffy or the others would see her looking at
Spike and know what they had been doing at night. She wasn't sure herself, so
how was she supposed to explain it to anyone else? She had just lost Tara a
month ago, now she was shagging Spike like some wild wanton hussy. She didn't
know anything anymore. It was all too confusing.
 

Sure, she'd had a crush on Spike. What normal female wouldn't? Those
cheekbones, those eyes, that ass, that voice. The entire package was
devastating. But, it had just been a crush. It had faded with time, just like
the one she had had on Xander. It was definitely not the reason she had
fallen into bed with him so easily. Nope, not at all. Those feelings had been
gone for months, since she had met Tara. She also had to admit to being a bit
disgusted with him for falling for Buffy. She had thought that he was
different, somehow immune to the slayer's obvious charms. It had been a harsh
lesson in reality to learn that he was not, that he was a typical man that
fell for the tight skirts and big boobs. Not that she blamed Buffy. She knew
her best friend had no idea the effect she had on men, would probably laugh
it off if Willow ever told her. And, it would appear that Spike had moved
past Buffy. Willow knew she would have said no if there had been any doubts
in her mind that he still had feelings for Buffy. She honestly believed that
whatever he had felt for the slayer had gone away, faded, that he'd regained
his sanity, whatever word best suited the situation she guessed.
 

She began to brush her teeth, realizing that she was nude. Good thing Buffy
had stumbled in for some reason. She might have shocked her best friend. She
finished brushing her teeth and studied the bite mark on her neck. It was
very deep, Spike always choosing the exact same spot to bite after their
coupling. It had stopped hurting when he bit her, her body growing accustomed
to the slight pain. She sighed as she wet a rag and wiped the dried blood
from the mark. When it was clean, it didn't look nearly as bad. Two teeth
marks and pink flesh. Shaking her head, she left her bathroom and pulled out
a T-shirt and an old pair of boxers. She got dressed, making sure that the
bite mark was concealed by the collar of her shirt, and headed downstairs for
some cereal. She didn't have classes today and had made plans with Buffy and
Dawn to go shopping.

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