Desperately

Author: Jami

Parts: 21 - 30 (End)

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~Part: 21~ Some Say I’m Running…

  Willow wasn’t sure if she should follow her heart or her head. She wanted to leave with Spike, to push away her fears and insecurities and just be with him. But her head was prevailing. That’s what she got for being the reasonable one. Always having to be the logical one. He was a killer, and not just in the past tense anymore. She gave him back his ability to feed and while she knew it would result in the deaths of many people, she wouldn’t have felt right keeping the spell from him.

Buffy was right, he had fed that night, to the death. He made no move to defend himself because what the slayer said was true. But he also promised not to harm her, or even her friends, whom she knew he hated. He had told her there would be adjustments, but she couldn’t help but be a little naïve in her expectations. Now she had to face the consequences of her actions. She just needed a little time.

She wasn’t leaving him, not really. But she needed time to accept everything. Once she could come to terms with her situation, she would return to him. So she had it all figured out. That night, she would go home and talk with Spike, tell him she needed some time away, but that she would be coming back. He would accept that, he had to. She hoped.

~~~*~~~

Spike was nervous, and he hated feeling nervous. It was such a human emotion, and while he accepted that he was an emotional demon, ‘love’s bitch’ as he called it, it didn’t make things any better. She had told him, him to go away!  He didn’t mind her bossing around the slayer. Hell, he encouraged it, but he never expected her to order him around. Especially telling him to go home while she stayed with the slayer who had even knocked her unconscious earlier that evening.

The sun had gone down thirty minutes ago and he was still waiting for her to come home. He knew she would, she wouldn’t just leave him there. So he sat and waited which was not easy for him, he was not a patient demon.

He heard the doorknob turn and glanced at the door. He saw her head peek around it, checking to see if he was there. Seeing him on her couch, she smiled lightly and walked inside. He was relieved to see that she didn’t seem angry with him after the outburst with the slayer.

“Hey…” she greeted softly and he smiled as he stood. He drew her into his arms, placing a kiss on the top of her head as he simply reveled in the feel of her.

“Hey,” he replied, not releasing her just yet. “I missed you today. This place is really quiet without you in it.” She smiled uncertainly.

“I…I missed you too.” She pulled away, taking his hand in hers and leading him back to the sofa. He studied her fidgeting form and frowned.

“Something wrong, luv?” he asked, needing to know what was bothering her.

“Wrong? Oh, there’s nothing wrong…per se.” He rolled his eyes at her avoidance of his question.

“Tell me,” he demanded softly.

“I’ve been thinking, about everything. About what Buffy said, about what you said…”

“And?” he prompted at her pause.

“Well, it’s just, I figure that we need some time to think, you know? I love being with you, but there are so many new factors to deal with here. Buffy isn’t going to make things easy but she can be dealt with, Xander and Anya are okay, not happy but okay, Giles is alright, but it is just a lot to take in right now. Maybe we should take a break. Some time to breathe, figuratively in your case…” she rambled, unaware of his increasing anger.

“I love you,” she continued, “that’s not the issue. I just need to sit and think things out. Consider our options from every angle. It will take awhile for me to get used to all the changes. I knew what would happen if I removed your chip. You feed on people again and I get it. It’s your nature, and it was denied to you for so long, but I’m still human and life is precious to me. I…you can stay here; it’s your home too. I’ll be back soon, I just need some time alone.” She finally looked him in the eye, cringing slightly when she saw his stormy, furious eyes.

“Um, are you okay, Spike?” she sputtered.

“Can’t say that I am, pet,” he replied calmly. “You waltz in here, deciding both our fates without even listening to me. You said it yourself, Red. You knew things would be different now, and you still removed the blasted chip. Now is not the time to question yourself,” he growled.

“Spi-” she went to interrupt but he stopped her.

“No!” he snarled, “It’s my turn to talk. You had your say. I know your human, it’s kind of hard to forget, but that doesn’t change anything. You made your choices knowing what would happen. You don’t need time, time won’t make things easier. You either love me or you don’t.”

“Spike,” she sighed, “you know I love you. But-”

“But nothing! It’s all or nothing. What do you want from me that I haven’t already given to you? Even though I loathe your pathetic little friends, have I made one move to touch them? No. I don’t have some massive revenge scheme going on, I’m not using you for information. I have no plans to send the sodding world to hell. I know my unlife can’t be like it used to be, but I’m okay with that because in return I get you. There are some things though that I won’t change. I won’t pretend I have a fluffy soul, I refuse to drink out of bags and I won’t start brooding in dark corners. If that disappoints you then too damn bad. I love you, Willow. For that I am willing to change my ways slightly, but I am still a demon. Can you accept that?”

“Yes. I know that you’re a demon. I never forgot. But why aren’t you just willing to listen to my side? Why does everything have to be your way or no way?” she countered.

“Sod it,” he growled, standing suddenly. “You want space, time? Fine. But don’t expect me to wait around here for any scraps you’re willing to hand out!” She jumped at his ranting, watching silently as he stalked toward the front door.

“When you’ve grown up, you can find me. Then I’ll consider taking you back.” He didn’t wait for a response, instead slamming the door behind him as he left.

Willow stared at her door. She couldn’t figure out why their somewhat civil conversation had deteriorated so fast. All she knew was that Spike was angry and when he was mad, he was irrational. She never wanted to hurt him. Now it seemed that he had left her instead. He had also told her that she would have to find him, he would make no effort to try and make this better. Today sucked.

~Part: 22~ The Trick Is To Keep Breathing.

This had not gone as she had planned. Willow stared sadly at front door that Spike had stormed out of hours ago. True, she may have not said the right things; after all, Spike was always a sensitive demon. But she didn't mean to hurt his feelings, really. Her feelings for him had not changed but everything was so complicated right now. All she was asking for was some time for her to catch up. But he had refused, deciding that she had to grow up before even attempting to seek him out again.

The bleach blonde watched the witch, sitting silently in her living room. He had been keeping post outside her home, from across the street, since he had left almost three hours ago. She had yet to move. He had hoped that she would possibly run after him, try to stop him, but sadly she didn't. But, he supposed she could be in shock, he hadn't given her much time to process everything he had said.

He saw her move finally; she turned, reaching for the phone behind her. He frowned and sighed, deciding she was probably calling the bloody slayer. He really didn't want to stay around for that chat. Taking one last drag from his cigarette, he crushed it against the tree trunk beside him and walked away slowly. He was determined not to be the one to make the first move. After all, she was the one who was wrong.

Willow dialed the number by heart, hoping that he would be home. He was a night person and was usually patrolling about this time. Who better to talk about her problems with Spike than the vampire that taught him everything he knows. She wasn't particularly eager to have this conversation, not looking forward to informing Angel of Spike's newly un-chipped status and the role she played in it.

Sighing when she got the answering machine, she debated just hanging up but decided to go ahead and leave a message.

"Hey Angel.it's Willow. Um, when you can, call me back, okay? Please.it's kinda important." but her final pleas were cut off my Angel's worried voice.

"Hey Wills. I just got back, is everything alright?" he asked her softly.

"Uh, nobody died if that's what you're worried about. It's not *that* bad."

"Well, that's a relief. Mind telling what *is* wrong? It's the middle of the night. I know you wouldn't call now if it weren't a big deal."

"It's Spike.it's kind of a long story, I hope you're comfortable." she warned before telling him, in detail, of the happenings of this past week. Angel listened in stony silence as she told him of how she removed Spike's chip. Part of him realized that having that chunk of metal in his head was torture for Spike, but the soul was saddened that the blonde was once again a killer. She told him of the argument she and Spike had and how he had walked away.

"He's scared, Willow," he told her as she finished her explanation. "He never really knew if you loved the real him."

"But Angel, I knew he was a vampire, a demon. Why couldn't he be sure that I love him?"

"As long as he had that chip, he wasn't himself. Torture and death were all he lived for, with the exception of Dru, for such a long time. He had a lot of adjusting to do when he lost the ability to feed himself. He's a demon, through and through, Wills. That's what I don't think you realize. Yes, there is an amazing amount of his humanity left in him, but that doesn't change who he is at the very core of his being. When you two got together, he couldn't be himself. But now, he can feed again. You were unable to see him as a real killer before, but now, you know that when he leaves every night, he's leaving to feed. It's difficult for you because you're human. He's afraid now that he's not harmless, you won't be able to accept his ways. He reacted badly, but you might want to take this time to think."

"Think about what?"

"Whether you are willing to accept every part of him, the man and the demon. If not, then maybe it would be best for you not to be with him anymore."

"But he claimed me." she murmured.

"What?!" Angel's rather loud exclamation caused her to jump. "Did you say he claimed you?!"

"Uh, yeah. Well, right after he got his chip out, he kinda bit me. But I didn't think anything of it. Then he got in this argument with Buffy and I asked him to leave and he said something like he wouldn't go without me because he claimed me.is that bad?"

"It will be if you don't want to stay with him!" he growled, annoyed that the girl left out such an important detail.

"Don't you get all grumpy with me! I didn't think it was a big deal!" He laughed humorlessly.

"Willow," he tried to make her understand, "he may have left just now, but he won't stay gone. He considers you his, and trust me, he doesn't go running around claiming humans. It's very serious among our kind. I'm afraid that if you try to leave him, he won't let you go."

"Angel, he's not gonna chain me to the bed or anything. Be serious here, I don't think it would be that bad."

"Don't kid yourself, he'd do whatever was necessary to keep you with him, if that meant restraining you he would do it."

"Oh," she mused.

"Yeah, oh. I.I can protect you, if that's what you want. I'm his elder and his grandsire, he has to answer to me."

"No! I mean, I don't think that will be necessary. I think you're blowing things out of proportion, Angel. I just needed to talk with someone about everything. And well, Buffy's not exactly a really objective listener when the subject is Spike. Don't worry about me. I'm probably overreacting anyway."

"I wouldn't say that. But, Wills, I need you to answer me truthfully. Do you want to be with him? If not, I'll come to Sunnydale and help you deal with Spike."

"Nah, not needed. I.I do want to be with him. It might just take some time for me to accept it all." He sighed and she couldn't see him rubbing his temples in an attempt to stave off a massive headache.

"Alright, but promise me you'll call if you need help. I mean it, Willow. *Call* *me* if there is trouble," he insisted. She smiled at his worrying.

"I promise Angel, scout's honor."

"Uh, Will. You weren't a boy scout, you're not even a boy."

"Angel," she sighed, "give me a break. You know what I meant." They each said their goodbyes and she resumed staring at the door, wishing Spike would just come home.

~~~*~~~

Spike found himself outside the slayer's home and growled. Stupid bint. He debated whether he should keep walking when he saw the blonde walk out the front door, waving goodbye to her mother and walking in the opposite direction. He sighed and walked to her home.

The vampire knocked, awkwardly shifting on his feet as he waited for Mrs. Summers to answer. Looking through the small windows, the older woman smiled and opened the door.

"Spike," she greeted with a warm smile.

"Joyce," he said with a slight smile and the nod of his head.

"Well, come on in." she ordered gently and moved aside to let him enter. He followed her into the kitchen as Joyce started heating some water for the hot chocolate she knew he wanted, then searched the cabinets for some little marshmallows. He sat on a stool at the island.

"What's the matter, Spike?" asked Mrs. Summers, genuinely concerned.

"You know all about my.?" he asked, pointing to his head.

"Yeah, had your chip, now it's gone. I know it all." He nodded and continued.

"She wants to leave me.asked me for a break from us." he sighed miserably. She smiled sympathetically.

"Are you sure she really wants to leave you? This will take some time for all of you to get used to, maybe a break would be best for both of you."

"No. My feelings haven't changed. I love her, she knows that. I don't need time."

"You're forgetting Spike. She's still very much a girl. She met you when all you wanted to do was kill all of them. She got to know you when you were helpless. She needs to love you knowing you can kill once more. It won't be easy. But if there is any one person who could accept you, demon and all, it is Willow. But you have to give her time to take it all in." He smiled a little when she placed the warm mug in front of him.

"But she knew what would happen if she took the chip out. I never promised not to feed," he argued.

"Yes, but knowing something and then having to deal with the consequences are two different things. You haven't given her a chance to sit back and think, without you or Buffy telling her what to think or feel." There was a short silence.

"Can I ask you something?" he mumbled.

"Anything," she assured him.

"Why did you invite me in, if you know I'm all chip-less now?"

"Because, I know you wouldn't renege on your promises. You said you wouldn't hurt us, and I believe you. Besides, you need someone to talk to. I'll always be here for you."

"Thanks, luv." She grinned and sat in the other stool next to him.

"Do something for me, okay?" at his curious nod, she continued. "Go back home, and don't just watch her through a window," she ordered with a knowing grin, "actually go in and talk to her. Let Willow know all of your worries. Don't be afraid to tell her what you feel. She won't hurt you, she knows heartache well, she'll be understanding. But you need to listen to her as well. She's scared too. She has deep-rooted insecurities I'm sure you aren't even aware of. Be gentle, but know in all honesty, that she does love you." He thought about her advice and stood slowly. With a grateful smile, he walked to the back door.

"Thanks, Joyce," he said softly as he left. She beamed, knowing he was going to do as she asked. She just hoped everything went well.

~Part: 23~ Every Time You Walk Out That Door

Spike knew he should have went back home right after his talk with Joyce, but he didn't. He still had every intention of going back to her, but he just needed some more time to think. He hadn't been understanding, but he couldn't help it. She wanted to leave him, even if it was just for a short while, and he couldn't let her do that. He couldn't let her go.

Just before dawn he found himself outside her house. He opened the door quietly, in case she was asleep, but he wasn't even sure she'd still be there. He let a ghost of a smile appear on his face when he saw her curled up on the couch, clinging to a pillow. He kneeled next to her, brushing the hair out of her face and frowning when he saw the tear tracks on her cheeks. He did that.

He checked to make sure all the curtains were drawn threw his duster onto a nearby chair. He shifted her so he could lay on the sofa with her, pulling her into his arms and closing his eyes to join her in much needed sleep.

~~~*~~~

Willow woke to the feeling of arms wrapped around her and fought back her initial feeling of panic. She thought she was alone but one look at the one holding her brought her a hesitant smile. So he did come back. She was so sure that he wouldn't want to see her. The way he left, she thought she would have to be the first to make a move. She went to sit up but his arms tighten around her and stopped her movement. She looked up into his blue eyes and he kissed her quickly on the forehead.

"Why are you back?" she whispered.

"Because you're here," he answered her. He let her sit up and he did as well. "I am not going to apologize for everything that happened with the slayer, but I will admit that I reacted badly when you tried to talk to me."

"Yeah," she agreed softly, "but I could have thought of a better way to approach you. I really didn't mean to upset you. I just.I don't know. I wasn't leaving, but things are going to be hard and I just wanted time to deal with it all." He saw the look on her face and knew there was more she wasn't telling him.

"What is it, princess?" he asked gently.

"Well, to be truthful, I was giving you an out."

"Excuse me?" he questioned, thoroughly confused. "Why?"

"You don't have your chip anymore, Spike. There is no reason for you to stay here. I'm sure you want nothing more than to go back to your old ways. You said it yourself, the chip wasn't a soul, you didn't give up the killing voluntarily. Buffy said if you started feeding she'd stake you. Well, she'd try. You hate it here, I don't blame you. So I figured the easiest way to deal with you leaving would be to get used to being without you. So I wanted time to think about everything, but also, I just wanted to be prepared for when you leave. You will you know, leave. It's inevitable. So I figured why not now? It's as perfect a time as any," she replied.

He looked at her incredulously but she didn't see his face.

"Are you daft?" he asked indelicately. Her head shot up and she stared at him with narrow eyes.

"What? It's the truth. I don't know why you don't just admit it, Spike," she argued. "I love you, I won't deny that, but it won't last. Even if there wasn't Buffy to consider, it's just not possible. You're immortal, you have an eternity. I don't. You'll leave eventually, whether it is because of the slayer, or because I'm growing old, you'll have to. And don't lie to me, telling me that it isn't true. Everyone leaves, soon you will too."

"Never gonna happen," he said adamantly.

"Stop it! I never expected you would lie to me," she sighed.

"Have I ever once lied to you? Have I?" he growled.

"N-No," she stammered at the look in his eyes.

"Then why would I start now? So you sure as hell better believe me when I tell you I'm not leaving. And you never have to worry about growing old," he informed her.

"And why is that?" she asked warily. They had never discussed anything involving eternity.

"I won't let it happen. You're mine, always. That means forever."

"Do I get a choice in this? What if I don't want to be a demon?" she argued.

"You did get a choice. You knew what I was when we started this. You accepted my demon, you made your choice. I claimed you, that isn't something I take lightly. You belong to me, if I leave, you leave. Anywhere I go, you go, and since I'm going to around for quite some time, so are you," he said matter-of-factly.

"I don't want to be evil!" she shrieked. "Can't you understand that? I hate the idea of being without you, but I don't know if I accept the idea of becoming a demon." She stood abruptly and began to pace. He gracefully rose from his seat and stalked to her. When she turned in a half-circle to resume her pacing she ran right into him. He reached out to steady her, holding her shoulders in a harsh grip.

"It's not so bad, pet," he whispered enticingly. "Long, endless nights. No expectations, no one to please. Just having fun, doing what you wish. Taking what you want.we could have that. Forget what the slayer wants. What do you want, hmmm? Do you want me to leave you behind?"

"No." she muttered, lost in his words.

"Then don't push me away. I'm not going to hurt you, I love you. But I want you with me, forever. You're not ready, not yet, but you will be. And when you are, I'll know."

"Spike.I-" she stuttered, not sure what to say to that. He pressed his finger to her lips, silencing her.

"Stop. Don't fight me, I know you, you don't want to leave me. You won't have to, know that. And I'm not going to leave either, nothing and no one can take me from you. Not the bloody slayer, or my sire, no one. So don't worry so damn much," he finished with an amused grin.

"She won't let this go," she whispered, speaking of the slayer. "She doesn't believe you won't hurt them, that you won't hurt me. It's not safe here for you." He sighed, knowing she was right. As long as the slayer saw him as a threat to her little group, he wouldn't be out of harm's way.

"So we'll leave," he said practically.

"But, school, I have school. And I don't want to go somewhere I don't know anyone. I can't-" He kissed her quickly to quiet her.

"Bloody hell, we'll go to Peaches, that make you happy?" he snarled.

"Yes!" she said with a huge, grateful smile. "Thank you Spike! That's perfect." And it was true. She'd still be close to home, close to Xander and Giles. Plus she would have Angel and Cordelia to hang out with. She could transfer to UCLA, it could work. She was impressed that Spike had even offered to move to L.A., knowing his relationship with his grandsire was tedious at best.

"Yeah, yeah," he grumbled, pulling her into his arms, "Bloody perfect. I hope this convinces you that I love you. I'm willing to voluntarily spend time with the poof."

"Don't worry baby," she giggled, "you'll be rewarded." He grinned wolfishly at that familiar, lustful look in her eye.

"Hmmm.things are already looking up."

~Part: 24~ Love On The Rocks With No Ice

Willow called Xander, telling him about her plans to go away. She wasn't sure if their excursion to Los Angeles would be a permanent move or not, considering Spike's extreme dislike of Angel. So she asked her friend to inform Giles of their absence and leave it at that. Buffy didn't need to know where they were, it would only cause problems. So the next night she and Spike would be off to surprise his grandsire. Hopefully Angel wouldn't mind the extra company.

The redhead was sitting on her balcony, watching the sun slowly disappear on the horizon. She sighed and pulled her blanket closer to her, the air had become increasingly cooler with the coming of winter but the sunset was too beautiful to miss. As the shining orb finally faded from view, she heard her French door open as Spike joined her. He pulled her up, taking her place on the chair and sitting her in his lap.

"I hate it when you do that." he mumbled, his face nuzzling her neck.

"Do what?" she questioned with a small frown.

"Go into the bloody sunlight, where I can't follow you." She smiled and moved further into his embrace.

"Do you miss it? The sun, I mean?"

"Yeah, haven't seen a sunrise or sunset in over a century. After awhile though, you don't miss it anymore, I can barely remember what it looks like. Can't miss what you don't remember."

"What about when you had the Gem of Amarra? You saw the sunlight then."

"Not really, love. It was more like, 'kill slayer then enjoy absolute immortality'. Messed that one up, I did."

"Poor baby, but that's what you get for trying to kill my best friend," she added with a smile. He growled playfully and tightened his hold on her.

"You ready to go soon? I'm sure Paingel is waiting with bated breath for our arrival." She looked at him surprised.

"You talked to Angel? I thought we were just going to, you know, show up?"

"Nah, I figured it might be better to warn Peaches before we just crashed at his place. Plus it will give the poof time to warn the cheerleader so she doesn't try to stake me the second I walk through the door."

"Spike, Cordelia wouldn't stake you." He snorted.

"Please, pet. That girl is itchin' to dust me. All because I tortured Peaches a bit. But he had my ring, he deserved it," he whined.

"Spike." she warned, "Angel didn't deserve to be tortured. But if he ever loses his soul, feel free to play. After all he did kill my fish."

"Thanks for the permission, love. I'll make sure to take advantage of that offer." A thought came to her.

"Wait, did you tell Angel about your chip, or lack there of?"

"No. I wasn't sure how he would respond to the good news. I figured we would stay with him, show the brooding git that nothing's really changed, and then tell him about your little spell."

"That's probably a good idea. Angel does have a tendency to worry too much. So when do we leave?"

"We should leave soon, are you all packed?" She nodded but still didn't move to stand. She shifted to look him in the eye, studying him intently, looking for something, but what he wasn't sure. Willow watched him, trying to make sure that he really wanted this, to be with her, to stay with Angel, to love her. Seemingly satisfied with what she saw, she smiled slightly and placed a chaste kiss on his lips before pulling away.

"I do love you, you know that?" He grinned and kissed her lightly.

"Yeah, love. I know. I love you too." She seemed happy with his response and slowly stood, pulling him up with her.

"Come on, Spike. We can't keep Angel waiting."

"Wouldn't want the poof to worry." he teased. She looked at him disapprovingly.

"You know, I'm going to teach you his name. Say it with me now.Ang-el." she spoke slowly, as if to a child.

"Pea-ches." he drawled with a heart-stopping grin. She groaned as she walked inside.

~~~*~~~

"Angel!" called out the witch as she and her vampire companion strolled into the deserted offices of Angel Investigations. The dark vampire ambled out of the elevator and his usually reserved demeanor changed at the sight of the small girl. He strode toward her, hugging her tightly, ignoring Spike's territorial growl.

"Lay off, Blondie. She's my friend," he argued as he released her.

"Yeah Blondie," teased the redhead, "lay off." He growled and pulled her to him, kissing her punishingly. Angel saw Spike's hands start to roam and cleared his throat none too subtly.

"Could you please control yourself, Spike?" he asked with an exasperated sigh.

"Spoil sport," the blonde drawled with a smirk, "Just because you're not getting any doesn't mean the rest of us should have to suffer."

"Tell me again why I let you come here?" he groaned.

"Because you missed us, Angel," replied the witch sweetly.

"No," he disagreed, "I missed *you*, but *he*," the soulful vampire added with a pointed look at the bleach blonde, "is just a pain in my ass. But for you, Will, I'd put up with almost anything. Even Spikey, here."

"Speaking of pains in the ass, where's Cordelia?" wondered Spike as he looked around. He grunted when he felt Willow's sharp elbow hit him in the gut. "What?" he looked at her innocently. She gave him a warning glare and he smirked.

"Delia has the night off, and Doyle is probably passed out in a pub a couple blocks away, so it's just us for the night," informed Angel as he took a seat at his secretary's desk.

"Come on, Peaches. Don't you have some damsel in distress to save? Patrolling to do? Any of that annoying do-gooders bit to carry out? Must you ruin my night when there are surely some demons to pound on, a sinister plot to defeat?" Angel grinned at the pleading in his grandchilde's voice.

"Well, I was planning on staying in tonight." he began, but seeing the tired and irritated look on Willow's face made him relent. "But I suppose you're right. There are always innocents to save, evil to defeat." He smiled at the grateful look Willow shot him and kissed her on the forehead as he walked out the front door.

"That was nice of him." murmured the girl as she led Spike to the elevator.

"Yeah, he's a bloody saint," he snorted as they descended to the downstairs apartment.

"Be nice," she advised him, "after all, this is Angel's home, and you want him to trust you, so you have to behave."

"Yeah, yeah. The things I do for you." They walked into Angel's sparse but comfortable living room and sat on his sofa. Willow wanted to take sometime just to rest, to not worry about Buffy, and chips, and feeding, so they were staying in tonight, just the two of them. She turned on the TV and curled next to Spike on the couch, his arms wrapped around her as the absently watched the movie playing. They were just happy to be together without fighting and complications. To just be.

~~~*~~~

Angel came in a few hours later, surprised to see Spike and Willow sprawled on his couch. The redhead was sleeping lightly and the blonde was content to watch her. Angel studied them for a minute before walking into the room. Spike shook the witch to wake her. She yawned sleepily and her eyelids fluttered open.

"Spike?" she questioned. He smiled as he looked down at her.

"Come on, love. Peaches is back. I should put you to bed, it's late." He picked her up, intent on carrying her into Angel's bedroom but she stopped him.

"No, Spike. We'll sleep on the couch, this is Angel's house."

"Willow," Angel admonished gently, "you're a guest. You should stay in my room."

"No, we couldn't Angel. We don't need your bed." she trailed off when Spike began whispering in her ear. Angel could hear her heart beat faster and smirked, knowing he really didn't want to hear the 'sweet nothings' Spike was whispering in her ear. The redhead blushed furiously and turned her gaze back to the brunette.

"Never-mind Peaches. We'll take the bed," she stammered as the blonde hauled her away with a determined stride. Angel sighed at the sound of a delighted giggle as his bedroom door was slammed shut.

"Ugh, what I put up for you, Will."

~Part: 25~

Angel walked stiffly into the office, giving Cordelia a perfunctory nod of the head as he collapsed onto the sofa across from her. She raised an inquisitive eyebrow.

“Long night? I noticed a certain black Desoto parked out front, I take it Blondie kept you up last night?” He groaned and reluctantly opened his tired eyes.

“Yeah, he and Willow came down here, they needed some time away.”

“Let me guess, little Miss Loves-to-kill-a-lot isn’t too thrilled with them being together?”

“Right in one Delia. I’m just tired; I slept on the couch last night, if you can call it sleeping…”

“Was it uncomfortable?” she asked as she took a seat at her desk.

“A little, but mostly it was the noise that kept me up,” he sighed.

“Noise? What noi- oh! Noise! Poor Angel…” he grunted and closed his eyes again.

“Where’s Doyle?” he asked absently.

“The little lush is taking the morning off. He’ll be in around one or two.” He nodded understandingly before standing once again.

“I’m going to try and get some work done. When Willow gets up, why don’t you take her shopping? She didn’t bring much luggage with her, and I don’t know how long they’re planning to stay. You can use my gold card.” Cordelia smiled brightly at her boss.

“Not a problem. It’s always been my idea of fun, spending someone else’s money.” He grinned at her enthusiasm and left her to her work.

~~~*~~~

Willow stirred slowly and snuggled closer to the body that was curled around hers. She opened her eyes, smiling at the sight of a sleeping Spike. So sweet looking, you’d never think that once he opened his mouth. She glanced at the alarm clock that sat on a nearby nightstand and sighed as she realized it was getting late. It was already eleven. She didn’t really have anything planned but she didn’t want to spend all her time in bed, well, not as long as Spike was asleep.

Moving slowly so as not to wake her companion, she climbed out of Angel’s rather comfortable bed, grabbing a change of clothes, and heading to the shower. Spike registered the loss of her warmth immediately and watched her walk away. He smiled slowly when he heard the water running.

The blonde stood, stretching like a cat, and made his way to the adjoining bathroom, completely ignoring the fact that he was totally naked.

Angel walked out of the elevator, frowning when he noticed Willow didn’t seem to be awake yet. He moved to his door, opening it slowly, surprised to see that no one, including Spike, was in the room. He noticed the sound of running water and heard a loud, delighted squeal. With that he turned quickly and shut the door, practically running to the elevator. Well, at least he found Spike and Willow, but he really didn’t need to hear that.

~~~*~~~

“Angel?” questioned his secretary as he headed hastily to his office. “What’s the matter? Are you…blushing?” she snickered. He growled softly, slightly embarrassed as he shut his door, hanging his head self-consciously.

Cordelia couldn’t hold back her laughter. She had never seen the broody vampire so flustered. She could only imagine what caused him to lose his cool.

~~~*~~~

Willow walked calmly into the office, smiling in hello to Cordelia. Her hair was still a little wet from her shower. The blonde vampire followed behind his witch and the brunette smiled slyly as she saw that he too had damp, messy hair. So, Angel must have caught them in the shower together. How cute…

“So, what’s the plan for today, Cordy?” asked the redhead as she took a seat next to Spike on the couch.

“Shopping. Angel has been so kind as to give me his gold card so we are mall bound. And no arguing with me!” The smaller girl rolled her eyes.

“Fine, Cordy. But I want it to be known that I am agreeing under protest.”

“Protest noted and ignored,” decided the secretary as she stood and reached for her purse. “Come on Red, the stores wait for no one. Let’s get a move on.” Spike growled softly at the thought of her leaving him already, they hadn’t had much time together so far. “Cool it Spikey, you’ll have her back in no time,” sighed the brunette as she smirked.

Cordelia dragged the reluctant girl out the door and to her car, ignoring her unwillingness to leave. She never passed up the chance to spend Angel’s money.

~~~*~~~

Spike found himself alone and wasn’t too happy about it. Bored, he stood, sauntering into his grandsire’s office. He took a seat across from Angel, ignoring his curious gaze. Angel was growing increasingly frustrated as Spike just sat there, saying nothing.

“Why are you here?” he finally broke down and asked. The blonde grinned at the impatience that laced his voice.

“Everybody else left, so I thought you and I could have a nice chat.” Angel stared at him incredulously.

“You have *got* to be kidding me.”

“Kinda, yeah. But…really Angelus, I need to speak with you,” he replied, unusually serious. Angel leaned forward, eager to hear what the younger vampire wanted to say.

“Do you think that I am wrong to be with her?” he asked quietly, worry clouding his voice. “She’s just a girl, a mortal. Am I ruining her life?”

“Do you love her, totally and completely? Would you die to save her?” he asked sincerely.

“Yes,” he answered honestly.

“If you truly love her, then you aren’t ruining her life. I know you, William. When you love, it is forever. I know she loves you, I think you’re leaving would ruin her life. She knows what you are; don’t forget that her life has never been normal. It’s sad, but I can guarantee that she hasn’t spent her high school years thinking about growing old and getting married. These past few years have been spent fighting for her life and helping save the world. Don’t underestimate her. She loves you, wants you with her. Besides, I can’t believe *you* of all people are sitting here telling me your worried about hurting a human. I never thought I’d see the day…” he contemplated.

“Yeah,” he snorted, “not very demony of me, is it? I mean, look what she’s reduced me to, asking you for love advice…”

“You’re turning into a regular poof, William,” he said playfully. Spike growled and shot him an evil look. “So when are you going to tell me about your chip?”

“Huh?!” he asked dumbly, unable to think of a better answer.

“Your chip, Spike. When were you going to tell me it is no longer an issue?”

“How did you know?”

“I have eyes and ears everywhere, boy,” he declared. At Spike’s disbelieving look he sighed, “Willow accidentally mentioned it on the phone a couple days ago. I guess she forgot to tell you.”

“What do you want to know?” he asked in resignation.

“Now that you can bite again, where does that leave Willow? She’s my friend Spike. I won’t have her hurt. Are you planning on reclaiming your title as Master, turning her into a pet?”

“Not now. I promised Red that I wouldn’t touch her sodding friends. So that means taking back my title as Master will have to wait, at least until Bitchy is dead and gone. As for making her a pet, hell no. She’d never be a pet; she’s too good for that. Besides, she’d have my bloody head on a pike before she ever agreed to that. She’s not a submissive, Angelus. She’s not some toy. When I do eventually become Master she will be at my side, she’s my equal.”

“So you are planning on turning her,” he stated.

“There was never a question, sire. She knows I have no intention of letting her grow old and leave me. She’s not comfortable with it yet, but she will be.” Angel studied the blonde’s face, knowing it was no use arguing with him. In a way, he already knew Spike had every intention to turn her, but he was worried. He remembered the vampire version of the girl from a year ago. He wasn’t sure Spike knew what he was getting into.

“Fine. I have to finish some paperwork now, Spike. But this conversation isn’t over, got it?” he asked sternly.

“Yeah, I got it,” he replied as he strode out of the room and into the elevator, going down stairs to hopefully get more sleep before his witch came back.

~Part: 26 ~ The Last To Know…

“Where is she?” pleaded the anxious slayer as she looked to her watcher. Giles sighed and rubbed in temples in an attempt to stave off a massive headache.

“For the last time, Buffy, she’s not here. She also asked me not to tell anyone, you included, where she went.” They had been having this conversation about Willow for what seemed like hours. He was well aware that the witch didn’t want her friend to be aware of her whereabouts, knowing the slayer would stop at nothing to get her away from the vampire she so obviously loved.

“She’s with *him*, isn’t she?” she sneered in disgust.

“Yes, she is, and with an attitude like that I wouldn’t be surprised if you never see her again. She loves him and even I believe that he would never hurt her.”

“He’s evil, Giles. You know that! He’s a soulless killer who doesn’t even have a chip anymore! How could you just let her run off with him?! Are you insane?”

“No, are you obsessed?” he countered coolly.

“Excuse me?!”

“Just because Spike doesn’t have a soul doesn’t mean he will try to kill us all. He has had plenty of time to attack us, but he hasn’t. Bloody hell, he’s not even in town! Just because Angelus was a right bastard and tried to kill us all doesn’t mean he will. Spike is nothing like his grandsire. Angelus tried to send the entire world to hell. Spike worked with *you* to stop him. To *save* the world, and he didn’t have a chip then.”

“Don’t make this about Angel. This has nothing to do with him!”

“This has everything to do with him!”

“He’s right,” interjected Xander, who up until now had remained silent. “Angel couldn’t love you, couldn’t care for anyone without a soul, but Spike can, and that kills you, doesn’t it? You’re not worried about her safety. You know as well as I that she is the safest when she’s with him. You think you know him Buffy, but you don’t.”

“He threatened to kill me!” she screamed, staring at the twosome as if they had each grown a second head.

“If you kept her from him,” Xander broke in. “It is all about her, Buffy. He’s willing to leave us alone because of her. Don’t fool yourself Buffy; he would kill us in a heartbeat. But he knows that would kill Wills. He’s a demon, he doesn’t have to worry about the feelings of humans, but he loves her. I may not be his biggest fan, but you have to respect his utter devotion to her.”

“Spike doesn’t deserve my respect,” she argued.

“He doesn’t want it either,” replied Giles, wishing she would just let it go. “Your opinion means nothing to him. But it means something to her. If you are truly her friend, if you love her as much as you say you do, then allow her this happiness. Lord knows, with our lives, we don’t get a lot of chances at happiness.”

Xander watched sadly as the slayer ignored the advice the former librarian had given her, too stubborn to realize if she kept this up, she would only lose her best friend. Buffy stood, gathering her things as she left to patrol. Offering no goodbyes, she simply walked out the front door.

Giles shook his head and focused again on the young boy before him.

“Do you think she’s safe there? That they are safe there?” Xander questioned Giles, worried for his friend’s well-being.

“Buffy would never go to Angel’s so I honestly believe they are in the safest place right now.”

“Damn,” the boy grumbled as he went to leave, to find Anya. “Now I owe Deadboy. As if my life wasn’t bad enough…”

Buffy slipped away from the house, silently grateful for the nearby bushes that provided her cover as she listened to Giles and Xander speak. She was surprised to find that Willow was staying with Angel. Actually she was more surprised that *Spike* would stay with Angel. Her mind made up, she headed to her dorm, forgetting patrol for the night. After all, it would take her a few hours to pack and make it to L.A.

~~~*~~~

Spike watched the television with unfocused eyes, bored out of his skull. The sun had gone down about an hour ago. Angel and Doyle had the left the office after the Irishman’s vision of danger at a local nightclub.

The bleach blonde was waiting rather impatiently for his Red to get back. The damn cheerleader still hadn’t returned with her. How long could that woman actually shop? He growled and shifted, attempting to find a slightly more comfortable position on Angel’s lumpy couch. He smirked as he realized that they had relegated his grandsire to sleeping on said lumpy couch as they slept in his surprisingly comfortable queen-size bed. Served the poof.

He straightened when he heard movement upstairs. He waited for the redhead to make her way downstairs and frowned as she remained on the floor above him. Sighing in frustration, he gave up and carried himself upstairs to greet the undoubtedly tired girl.

He merely raised an inquisitive and amazed eyebrow at the sheer amount of bags that cluttered the rather small office. His eyes searched for his love, relaxing when he finally found her nearly passed out on the couch amidst the various colorful bags.

“Buy out the entire mall, pet?” he questioned as he moved some of her purchases to give him enough room to actually sit beside her.

“No,” she groaned, glaring at Cordelia who was calmly organizing her things in preparation to go home. “Almost, though. Cordy shops like a woman possessed.”

“Hey!” the brunette defended, “A girl’s gotta have a hobby! Besides, Blondie,” she turned to Spike with a wide grin, “I think you’ll really a kick out of some of the things I had her buy. Definitely a bit more daring than usual, right Wills?”

“Ugh, don’t remind me! I couldn’t believe some of the things you wanted me to try on! I tell you, Spike, they were scraps of lace that some how got passed off as a dress. Don’t ask me how.” He grinned and wrapped an arm around her waist.

“I don’t know, love. Sounds good to me, I can’t wait to see it…” he trailed off, nibbling on her ear.

“And on that note,” decided Cordelia, snorting at their display, “I’m outta here. See ya tomorrow Wills.” The redhead waved goodbye as Spike just ignored her completely.

Willow pushed him away reluctantly and found her way to Cordelia’s desk. Spike sighed as she pulled out her laptop and a few old disks she insisted they bring with them on their little ‘vacation’. Well, there went his hope for a night with no thinking. Might as well help her, he figured, he had nothing better to do.

“Whatcha up to, Red?” Her eyes remained glued on the screen in front of her.

“Well, I’ve been working for quite sometime, years actually, on completely decoding some of these disks that Miss Calendar had. I couldn’t just leave them in Sunnydale while we were gone. Besides, this one has more on Angel’s curse. I wanted to know all the details, you know? For safety and all that. Plus I’m hoping there’s a way to rid him of that happiness clause. I know you might not agree, but Angel deserves a little happiness. And I don’t think we really want Angelus back, do we?”

“Damn right,” he replied gruffly, not wanting to go into detail about how much he truly hated the prat.

“Problem is, I’ve been looking, searching all the translations of the Romany curse, and I can’t find it…” she sighed in aggravation.

“Find what?” he asked.

“The happiness clause! It…I just can’t find any mention of it.”

“Well, love, that might be a good thing,” she looked at him quizzically and he continued. “It may have been added to the curse, you know, not a part of the original spell. Maybe, with the restoration ritual that the gypsy found, there *was* no happiness clause.”

“So, if that’s the one I performed…then Angel wouldn’t have the happiness clause at all…” she surmised. “Well, that would be great! I mean, Angel wouldn’t have to worry about turning into Angelus again! But, how could we really know? Without him going all ‘grrr’ on us?” she thought with a sad frown.

“The Oracles…” spoke the smaller Irishman who lingered in the doorway. Doyle and Angel had returned to the office only moments ago. They were about to greet the couple when Angel caught the topic of their conversation, particularly his possible permanent soul. They waited silently as the girl finished, only interrupting when the seer thought of an answer to their desperate question.

Angel looked to the half-demon, confused as to how the Oracles could be of any help. They hadn’t suggested that his soul was no longer in any danger at any of their previous meetings. But Angel knew well how frustrating they were to deal with. When they were asked questions, they responded in the shortest and frank of answers, giving no extra details, no matter how helpful they could have been to his mission.

“He’s right,” the dark vampire agreed softly, “Only they would know, it’s the only way without putting any of you in harm’s way.”

“Angel-” broke in the witch, “I didn’t know you were there…I don’t want to get your hopes up, in case we’re wrong…” He smiled sadly and nodded his appreciation.

“I know Will, but trust me, I’m used to disappointment. If you’re wrong…I’ll be fine. We’ll go tomorrow,” he decided, looking toward Doyle for confirmation. The seer nodded and smiled reassuringly.

“It’ll be alright, mate,” the brunette told him. “It’ll be good news, I can feel it.”

“Thanks Doyle,” he murmured, lost in thought. The man took that as his cue to leave, saying his goodbyes to the couple as he walked out the door.

Willow smiled and squeezed Angel’s hand as she walked to the stairs. He smiled gratefully and let her go. He turned his gaze to his grandchilde, seeing Spike watching him with interest.

“I hope she’s right, Peaches,” he mumbled, quiet but sincere. “Maybe you won’t brood so damn much after,” he finished lightly, clapping the elder vampire on the back before leaving Angel to consider his options.

“I hope she’s right, too…”

~Part: 27~ No, Not Now…

Angel left the relative comfort of his darkened apartment at the break of dawn, unable to wait any longer for an answer. He followed the familiar twists and turns of the Los Angeles sewer system as he walked to the doorway underneath the Post Office which would inevitably lead him to those he sought out. He only hoped they were in a good mood, otherwise they could be very unpleasant to deal with.

Pausing just outside the entrance, he took a deep breath, something that always calmed him even though it was completely unnecessary. It was one of those things, one of those quirks from human life that he had never lost. It was comforting when his emotions were on high. God, he hoped Willow was right.

Clutching his offering of Godiva chocolates, knowing the sister had an appreciation for the sweets, he hesitantly stepped through the portal, his stomach turning as he was taken to the Oracles. Ugh, he hated traveling through time and space, it made him nauseous.

The twins gazed upon the entrant with boredom. The sister stepped forward offering her hand, waiting for his gift. He swiftly handed her the package and stepped back. The brother rolled his eyes but didn’t immediately throw the vampire out.

“Why are you here, Champion?” he drawled, tiring of the conversation already.

“I have a question,” he mumbled, unsure if he was truly ready for the answer.

“Then speak up,” the brother ordered, not in the mood to deal with a weak lower being. Angel straightened and looked to the sister, feeling slightly more at ease with her.

“I need to know if my soul is permanent…if I’m safe. If I can be happy without worry?” he pleaded.

“Why should we answer you?” she questioned. “You are in no danger as of now of losing your soul. It is of no importance.”

“That’s not true!” he argued, “I…I’ll always be at risk of losing my soul. If I am to be the Champion, I need to have my soul. It *is* important.”

“*A* Champion,” interrupted the brother with a scowl.

“What?” asked Angel, thoroughly confused.

“You said you were *the* Champion,” he informed the vampire, “you are *a* Champion.”

“Is there a difference?”

“Of course,” he replied disdainfully. “You are not the only Champion of the Powers. There are others, and there will be more. Their numbers are few, but they are there. Do not flatter yourself, vampire. You are but one in an army.”

“Still,” he begged, “if I am to be of any help, I need to know. Can I be happy without becoming evil again?” he asked in a surprisingly soft voice.

“Yes,” answered the sister with a slight smile. “The soul is permanent. The witch added no happiness clause. But do *not* lose that spell,” she warned him sternly. “You’ll need it soon.”

“But, I thought you said it was permanent. Why would we need the restoration spell?”

“I have already answered your question, vampire,” she replied. “Now go, it is almost time…” and with that cryptic remark he found himself filled with that familiar nauseous feeling. Blinking, he examined his surroundings, frowning when he saw he was once again outside the entrance to the Oracles. Well, that was…interesting.
 

~~~*~~~

Willow paced anxiously as Spike simply watched her passively. He knew she was nervous for Angel but she was beginning to make him dizzy. Before he could tell her to sit down they heard the door to the sewer open and a solemn Angel walk into his quiet apartment.

Since it was still so early in the morning, Cordelia and Doyle had yet to arrive so he only had to face Spike and Willow right now. He was grateful for that, knowing that, although the news was good, he hadn’t had enough time to take it all in. Add to that the cryptic remarks that the Oracles left him with that gave him a bad feeling. Shrugging it off, the brunette lowered his weary frame into his chair and let his head fall back with a sigh.

Ceasing her pacing, she stared at the souled vampire with bated breath. She needed an answer and she needed it now, but Angel seemed content to sit there in silence, which she found completely aggravating.

Spike, seeing her frustration and knowing that, coupled with her lack of sleep and obvious worry, the witch was about to tear Angel a new one if he didn’t speak up soon, he reached to her, pulling her in his arms and quieting her inevitable protests. He too was becoming impatient as the silence continued and he cleared his throat non-too subtly.

Angel came alive at the noise and looked to his guests. He fought to keep his expression neutral, knowing he was worrying Willow, but when was he going to have an opportunity to play with them like this again. When the redhead looked as if she was about to burst from all the questions he knew she was prepared to ask, he began to speak. He held back a laugh though, who would of thought that Willow would be the anxious, impatient one and Spike would be overcome with restraint.

“Well?!” demanded the hacker as she looked at Angel intently.

“Bloody hell, Peaches, answer the chit before the century,” grumbled the blonde.

“It’s permanent…” he whispered softly. Willow looked at him with wide eyes, staring only a moment longer before hurling herself at the brunette and pulling him into a celebratory hug.

“Oh Angel, I’m so happy for you!” she breathed, holding onto him for dear life. He returned her embrace, grateful to the little girl in his arms.

“Hey, if it wasn’t for you, Wills, I wouldn’t have this chance at happiness. Thank you…so much…” he managed before his throat began to close up on him, all the emotions swirling inside him finally catching up to him.

“Yeah, well, yay for you poof,” muttered Spike as he stood, honestly glad for his grandsire and elated that he never had to worry about that prat, Angelus, returning anytime soon. “But hands off,” he ordered with a smirk as he gently pried Willow from his grandsire’s grasp.

Angel smiled genuinely at the blonde.

“I mean it, Wills,” the soulful vampire assured her, “I owe you for everything.”

“Don’t worry Angel,” she told him with a shake of her head, “just knowing you can be happy now is payment enough.” The vampires heard a door open and close in the distance and knew that they had company. Leading the redhead to the elevator, they ascended to the office floor, eager to share the good news.

Clamoring out of the elevator, Willow smiled brightly, announcing their presence to the newcomer.

“Guys, we have great news! Angel- ” she shouted before freezing in mid-sentence. Expecting to see Doyle, or possibly even Cordelia, none were prepared for the appearance of the blonde slayer.

Buffy observed the threesome intently, looking for any clue as to what they had been talking about. She glared at Spike before looking to Willow, frowning at her best friend. Then her gaze fell to her one true love. Angel, well…he looked good. He looked great to be truthful. She felt a pang of heartache as she stared into his eyes, saddened to see only slight traces of fondness, love, and worry in those brown depths.

Angel watched his former love with interest. He didn’t know how she found out that Willow and Spike were staying here, but he was afraid for the couple, knowing the slayer wasn’t their biggest fan. He was surprised at the absence of heart-wrenching pain that usually accompanied her visits. He almost smiled as he realized he was really over her. He would always care for her, but he didn’t love her, not like that. Not anymore.

“Buffy,” the brunette greeted softly. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m here for her,” the girl replied, pointing firmly to the redhead.

“What is she doesn’t want to go with *you*?” sneered the blonde vampire, his arms snaking around the witch’s waist to hold her tightly to him.

“*You* don’t know what she wants,” the slayer answered snidely. “She wants to go home, back to Sunnydale. Don’t you, Will? With me and Xander, we’re the only ones that matter. We’re your best friends.”

“I don’t want to go back, Buffy,” she replied gently. “I do miss you and Xander, but it didn’t have to be this way. You won’t accept my relationship with Spike. Unless you do, I have no intentions of going back. It doesn’t feel like home if I’m constantly fighting with you.”

“I think you should leave Buffy,” interrupted Angel, playing the mediator. “Maybe you could come back later for a real discussion, but it’s early. And I think you all need to take sometime to gather your thoughts.”

“I don’t think so Angel,” argued the slayer, ignoring her ex-boyfriend. “I’m not leaving her here with *him*. He’s not all chip-having anymore, he’ll hurt her. It’s inevitable. How can you just let him stay with her?! You’re his grandsire, you can demand that he leave her alone!”

“Now listen here, you daft bint-” growled Spike, his grip on Willow tightening unconsciously.

“Spike,” interrupted Angel with a reassuring look. “Listen Buffy, don’t you think if I thought he would hurt her that I would allow him anywhere near her? She’s my best friend! But he won’t hurt her. Accept that.”

“No one wants you here, slayer,” spat the blonde vampire.

“Wrong,” she said with a smug smile, “Willow wants me here, and Angel wants me here.”

“Why the hell did you ever get involved with that one, mate?” sighed Spike. “Don’t tell me now that you’re all permanent soul-having that you’re gonna run back to that bitch.” Angel only looked to Spike with a clenched jaw as Buffy turned to face the brunette, mouth open in shock.

“You’re soul is…permanent?” she gasped. Angel growled at Spike and the blonde shrugged, smirking at the speechless slayer.

“Oops,” he chuckled, “wasn’t supposed to say that, pet.”

~Part: 28~ If You Can’t Leave It Be, Might As Well Make It Bleed…

“Angel?” Buffy whispered, hope warring with worry as she looked at her ex-boyfriend. “Is it true?” Glaring angrily at Spike who merely smirked, the brunette focused once again on the slayer.

“Yes, it is. My soul is permanent,” he answered softly, cursing silently. He had hoped not to have to tell her already. Truthfully, he wasn’t sure he ever wanted to tell her. They were over, had been for quite sometime. She had moved on to Riley and his life was no longer filled with her. He had a mission, a chance at a fresh start without all the pain and longing caused by their initial separation. He knew she would see this as a chance to work things out, but it wasn’t possible. Even with his soul secure, he was a vampire, she was a slayer. She would die and he would live on, there was no other ending possible.

Unfortunately, he wasn’t going to be able to postpone their talk since Spike had decided to break the news to her. He was definitely going to make the nuisance pay; there was no doubt about that.

“But that’s not important,” he continued soberly. Buffy looked to him, unable to understand what he meant, not wanting to understand.

“How can you say it isn’t important?” she countered angrily. “That was why you left. We couldn’t be together because you would be in danger of losing your soul. But now you’re safe. Things could go back to like it was before.”

“Before what, Buffy?” he replied, annoyed at her irrational thinking. “Before I became evil and stalked you and your friends? Before I tortured Giles, killed Jenny? Before you sent me to hell? Things can never go back. Nothing will change what happened.”

“It doesn’t matter!” she pleaded, forgetting there was even two other people in the room as she moved closer to Angel.

“Of course it matters,” he told her, quickly becoming frustrated. “We can’t just forget what happened. I can’t forget. You think Giles doesn’t loathe merely being in my presence? That Xander hasn’t hated me with a passion and always will? And you? There was always a bit of distrust between us, even before I turned into Angelus.”

“What are you talking about?! I always trusted you!”

“As much as you would let yourself trust a demon, Buffy. You’re a slayer; you could never accept that part of me. Even now, when I know there is no chance of becoming that bastard again, the demon is still there. And you can try to ignore that, forget that it exists, but it doesn’t make a difference. There are always reminders. I still feed on blood; I still can’t walk in the sun-”

“Well, if you hadn’t smashed my bloody gem…” grumbled Spike. The bleach blonde grunted as Willow elbowed him harshly. Angel and Buffy ignored it all.

“I won’t have kids, Buffy. I won’t grow old, and you will. That’s the problem. I’m a demon and you aren’t. You aren’t eternal, and you will never be. You may believe you still love me, but you never loved all of me. You never got it. Angelus wasn’t *me*, but I *am* Angelus. He’ll always be there. For that reason we could never be together again.”

Buffy’s eyes grew cold, the knowledge that Angel was destroying any chance they had together hardening her heart. She turned her gaze to the couple who stood to her left.

“Tell me, Angel. How is that you and I can’t be together and they can? With your logic, they shouldn’t be together either.”

“You’re wrong,” he answered adamantly. “She,” he said pointing to Willow, “never denied that he was a demon. She knew that from the moment they met and accepted it. She has never asked anything of him that he couldn’t give her. You may be a slayer, but you are still very much a little girl, unable to accept the truth if it doesn’t suit you. You always wanted kids, Buffy, and a life with walks on the beach at sunset, things I could never give you. Willow understands the limits of their relationship and harbors no feelings of resentment toward him. You could never do that.”

“She’s mortal!” the slayer argued. The redhead in question was beginning to become angry when it was obvious that her friend was acting as if she wasn’t even in the same room. “You said it yourself, Angel. He’s eternal too, and she’s not. What about that?”

“That’s not my decision to make,” he said lowly. “Whether or not Willow remains as she is or joins Spike is not my place.”

“Excuse me?! Are you actually telling me you would just sit by and watch as he killed her and turned her into a *demon*?!” she spat the last word as if it left a bad taste in her mouth.

“There it is Buffy,” he pointed out, “if you can’t accept her as a demon, then how could you ever accept me? As for Willow, you know I wouldn’t just stand by as she was hurt. But if he wanted to be with her forever *and* she agreed, then it is not my place to stop her. I love Willow, she’s my best friend and I only wish her happiness.”

“You wouldn’t want to be with me forever?” she murmured sadly. He shook his head and sighed.

“Could you handle it? Knowing there was a demon inside you. Having to drink blood to survive? You are a strong girl, Buffy, but you aren’t that strong.”

“Who are you to tell me I’m not strong?! You don’t know me anymore! You’ve been gone for a year! I’ve changed! I’m strong but you refuse to see it!”

“You can’t help it though,” he continued as if she never spoke. “You cringe at the thought of becoming like me, I see it. It’s your nature Buffy. You fight demons, you’re not supposed to become one.”

“So that’s it? I don’t want to be a vampire so you’re giving up on us?”

“I’m not giving up,” he said icily, “there is nothing to give up on. We’ve been over for a while now. And even if you could accept it, Buffy. If you could stand the thought, even for a moment, of becoming what you fight? I still wouldn’t go back to you. I have a life here, and as much as I care for you, my life doesn’t belong with you. Not anymore. I wouldn’t change anything about our time together because it led me here, made me a better person. But that part of my life is over. You’ve moved on and I can’t be what you need. That’s not giving up, that’s being realistic.”

The slayer stared at Angel for a few moments, her eyes filling with tears, whether they were ones of anger or sadness even she didn’t know. He felt horrible for hurting her, but it needed to be said. He saw her move slightly, her hand playing with the sleeve of her jacket, and he immediately tensed. He knew her movements, and he knew she was idly reaching for her stake which she kept hidden in her sleeve. He didn’t actually think she would use it on him, but Spike was there and he was sure the British vampire would make a suitable substitute for the brunt of her rage.

“Willow,” she addressed her friend tonelessly, “we’re leaving.” When the witch made no move to leave to desperate embrace that Spike held her in, the slayer struck, hitting the blonde in the temple, forcing him to release his hold.

Spike stumbled back with a muttered curse, completely unprepared for the attack. Angel, seeing the fight that was about to ensue, stepped in. He grabbed the slayer by the shoulder, spinning her to face him. He was surprised when she went to punch him but he managed to duck in time, unlike his grandchilde.

Buffy began pummeling Angel as Spike tugged on Willow’s arm, trying to get her to leave. He knew that Angel could take care of himself but he was worried about his redhead’s safety as long as the slayer was so irrational. He wanted to get her out of harm’s way.

Willow resisted Spike’s attempts to pull her away from the scene as she watched Angel and Buffy fight. She could tell the brunette was holding back, not wanting to hurt his former love, but forced into fighting her.

The witch’s eyes widened in horror as Buffy landed a solid, devastating kick to the back of Angel’s knee, causing the tall vampire to fall. The slayer quickly grasped her stake, preparing, in all her anger, to dust the vampire she professed to love. Stepping forward without thinking, the redhead reached out to touch her friend, about to plead with the slayer to stop all this. Before Spike could think to stop her, Willow placed her arm on Buffy’s arm, startling the slayer. Buffy spun around, expecting to see Spike as she thrust her stake behind her and into the body of the one that touched her.

Shock covered the slayer’s features as she saw her best friend standing before her, her mouth open in a silent gasp. The two vampires stood motionless as they took in the scene. Blood began to pour from the wound in Willow’s chest, the stake had barely missed her heart but she feared it still did much damage.

Spike was spurred into action as his love’s body began to tremble and threatened to fall to the floor. He ran to her, holding her to him as he lowered them to the ground, tears threatening to spill over onto his cheeks as he looked at her, seeing her struggling to breathe.

“Get out,” growled Angel, who was now in game face. Buffy stepped back, unwilling to believe she had just hurt her friend. At Angel’s warning growl she turned and ran from the office. She couldn’t stay there and watch Willow die by her hand.

Spike was shaking as he caressed Willow’s face. He laid her down, throwing off his duster and practically ripping off his red shirt. He gently pulled the stake that was imbedded in her chest out, covering the wound with his shirt and pressing down with one hand to try and stop the blood flow.

“Baby?” he whispered, silently praying to a God he didn’t believe in that she would be okay. She stirred and looked into his eyes, her own filled with pain, her voice raspy as she attempted to speak.

“Spike…I love you…” she told him with a shaky smile before passing out from the pain.

~Part: 29~ The Day That I Die…

“Willow?” Spike whispered, unwilling to believe she was about to leave him forever. She didn’t answer, she couldn’t. She was thankfully unconscious, so she didn’t have to endure the pain of the collapsed lung caused by the slayer’s fateful blow. Tears were making their way down his face unhindered, his emotions bare to the world as he gazed upon the love of his unlife, dying in his arms.

This wasn’t how this was supposed to happen. She was supposed to die by his hand. It would be slow and painless and perfect. Then she would be with him forever. That was how is should have happened. But reality was quite different. Here she was, bleeding all over him and onto the floor as she struggled to breath.

“You can’t leave me…” he pleaded, all coherent thought gone as he willed her to wake up, to look him in the eye and smile and tell him she was fine.

“Spike,” interrupted Angel, hesitant to disturb the man, “you have to…you need to do it…” he ordered softly, his game face distorting his pleas. Spike looked to him in confusion, not even sure what his grandsire was telling him to do exactly.

“What? Do what?” he asked, shaking his head.

“Turn her…” he demanded gently. “You have to Spike, now. Wait any longer and she’ll be gone forever. Do it…now!” he finished harshly as the vampire hesitated. Spike smiled amidst the pain, thankful that he wouldn’t have to fight with Angel over this.

Returning his attention to Willow, he leaned down, kissing her lightly on the lips, pulling away as ridges appeared on his forehead, his eyes glowing amber, and his teeth elongating. He moved to her neck, listening for a moment as her pulse beat erratically as she struggled to stay alive.

“I love you baby…” he murmured before gently sinking his teeth into her neck, breaking the skin and draining her of the remains of her precious blood. Her eyes fluttered open slightly as she felt the intense pull on her neck. She watched him pull away, seeing his mouth coated with what she assumed to be her blood. He looked grateful to see that she was awake now, knowing she only had a minute or so before she would fade away.

She closed her eyes briefly, her eyelids feeling suddenly heavy. She nearly gagged when she felt liquid flowing into her mouth, coopery and thick. She forced herself to open her eyes, aware that someone was talking to her.

“Come on, baby. Drink for me, sweets…” Spike ordered, soft but firm. She swallowed that blood that seeped from the wound that Spike inflicted on his wrist. He smiled indulgently as he felt her respond. With his free hand, he gently ran his fingers through her hair.

When he began to feel lightheaded and the pressure from her mouth began to lessen, he took his arm away, ignoring the continued blood flow as he moved her to rest in his lap. He watched sadly as she took her last breath before falling silent and still. He didn’t move, content to simply hold her until she woke, which he knew wouldn’t be for awhile. It would be another four to five hours at least, maybe more, until she would stir.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to face his grandsire. Angel smiled pitifully; now back to his human guise.

“You need to get up, Spike. You need to clean your wrist and we need to wash her.” Spike nodded, knowing he was right but he didn’t want to be separated from her. He stood slowly, bringing her body with him. He followed Angel into the elevator and they descended to the basement apartment in silence.

Spike shrugged off any attempts Angel made to help clean him up, instead focusing on fixing his girl. They brought Willow into the bathroom and Spike laid her delicately in the bathtub. He undressed her until she was in her underwear, tossing the soiled clothes to Angel and the dark vampire threw them into the trash, knowing they were too bloody and torn to be salvaged.

The blonde ran some water, not enough to fill the tub but enough to allow him to clean her and wash away the blood that covered her. It took him twenty minutes until he was satisfied that she was no longer dirty. Lifting her into his arms once again, he took her to Angel’s room, ignoring the stare of his grandsire as he dressed her in one of her nightgowns and placing her softly into the bed, tucking her under the covers to make sure she was warm. He watched her lay there, unmoving and shed one final tear before kissing her on the forehead and leaving her to heal and change.

He walked into the living room, falling into the armchair across from Angel and staring at the coffee table.

“She’ll be okay, Spike,” Angel reassured him quietly.

“I know mate, I know…” he answered, sounding very exhausted. Spike looked thoughtful for a moment before glancing tentatively at Angel.

“What is it, Spike?” he prodded.

“I-I need a favor, Angelus,” he replied grudgingly.

“Anything, just name it.”

“Curse her…I want you to curse her…” Angel wasn’t sure he heard him right. Truthfully all thoughts of the curse and her soul had fled as he watched her die. Angel was only concerned with bringing her back; he completely forgot she would be in soulless form. But what shocked him the most was that Spike was *asking* him to curse his mate.

“W-Why?” he wondered out loud.

“I…I know she’d be bloody amazing without her soul, not doubt about it. But…but that’s not the girl I fell for, Angelus. I love her, her weird quirks and hang-ups and all. I…I just can’t imagine her any differently. And while I’d love her no matter what, something would just be…missing.” Angel nodded understandingly.

“Give me a couple hours; I have to make a few calls first. I’ll need Doyle’s help. It’s on her computer, right? The laptop she brought?” Spike nodded and watched him walk away to make him phone calls. Sighing, he relaxed against the cushions of the chair, thinking about how this wasn’t right.
 

~~~*~~~

“Is it done?” Angel asked, looking to Doyle for confirmation. The seer looked up to the vampire and nodded, collapsing onto the nearby couch. Angel had seen the Irishman straighten as some foreign power flowed through him, his voice taking on a strange, toneless quality as he repeated words that made no sense to him. Taking that as a good sign, Angel had continued to watch as the Orb began to glow before there was a flash, then everything was quiet.

Spike had left the minute he knew Doyle was finished. Returning to his childe’s side, no doubt. Angel was relieved to know that Willow, although she would have a demon, would still be the girl he knew. She would have some adjusting to do, but she would be fine. He would help her, she wouldn’t be alone. He would help her deal with having a soul, and Spike would help her with her demon. She wouldn’t have to brood like he did all those years. She was still innocent, she would have no lives on her conscience. Everything would work out.

“Get some sleep, Doyle,” he told his seer, patting him on the back as he left to join his family. He walked into his bedroom, smiling a little as he saw Spike wrapped around Willow, holding onto her for dear life. Spike had come so far, and he had to admit, although he would never say it to the blonde’s face, that he was proud of him. Even with the absence of the chip that had plagued him, Spike hadn’t gone on a sadistic killing spree, which Angel knew he would normally have done. And all because of a girl.

Before, Angel saw that as Spike’s weakness. He was the self-proclaimed love’s bitch. Everything the boy ever did, in the end, was always for a girl. All the slayer’s he killed, he did it to make Dru proud. But now, he had changed his entire existence, again because of a girl. But this girl, Willow, she didn’t make him feel like he had to prove something. She loved him even with all his faults, and he was a better vampire for it.

“She’s gonna need you, Peaches,” Spike mumbled as he pressed Willow closer to him, nuzzling his face in her neck.

“I’ll help her, Spike. I promise, she’ll be fine.” Spike grunted his agreement and then remained silent. Angel turned and left them alone, knowing it would only be a few more moments before Willow woke and she needed to be with her sire. He wasn’t going to intrude on their time together. She would need his help soon enough, but for now, she needed to be with Spike.

Willow began to stir in Spike’s arms and he loosened his grip, allowing her to move as she woke. She blinked, obviously disoriented as she tried to place her surroundings and get used to all the noise she heard. Everything seemed louder, the smells seemed stronger, she felt different, but the same. She didn’t understand it.

“Red?” Spike asked softly, urging her to look at him. She turned to him, smiling hesitantly at his loving gaze.

“Spike? What’s going on? Everything’s so…”

“I know love. I couldn’t lose you, baby. I did what I had to, please don’t be mad…”

“I-I…I still have my soul…” she whispered.

“Yeah, pet. Couldn’t imagine you without it. I had Angel and Doyle perform the spell while you were out. God, Willow, don’t scare me like that again!” he scolded her with a tired sigh.

“It’s okay, Spike…I love you, I won’t do it again,” she assured him with a small grin.

“I love you too, Wills.” He brushed his fingers along her jaw and smiled with tears in his eyes, so happy that she was here with him and she couldn’t leave him. Things would be okay, he was sure of it.

~Part: 30~ Desperately…

Buffy shuffled dejectedly into her dorm room, throwing her purse onto Willow’s bed and collapsing on her own. She stared at her ceiling, her thoughts turbulent. She was ashamed of her actions, knowing she could have taken the news of Angel’s soul better. But she had come to L.A. with one thing in mind, bringing Willow back home, that she was completely unprepared for his announcement. She couldn’t have been more of a spoiled brat, she realized. Angel was right, she had moved on, as had he. They would never work out. She would always love him, that wouldn’t change. But he had a new life and she had Riley. He didn’t deserve to be yelled at.

Unfortunately, yelled she had, and whined and all in all acted ridiculous. She just hated being out of the loop. Lately, it seemed as if everyone had been keeping things from her. Xander and Giles had refused to tell her Willow’s whereabouts, Willow had run off, run away because of her, and then Angel had tried to keep it a secret that his soul was permanent. So she blew up, and it wasn’t pretty.

And Willow, she had really messed that up. She almost laughed hysterically as she realized that they had all been right. Her objections about Willow’s relationship with Spike were never about either of them. It was about Angel, it had always been about Angel. She couldn’t be with him, they couldn’t make it work. It wouldn’t be fair if Willow got her own happy ending with Spike. He too was a vampire, one without a soul even. Why would he be able to make it work when Angel couldn’t? She had been so sure that only creatures with souls could love, but the bleach blonde always continued to prove her wrong. That was another reason she couldn’t stand him.

So she had gone with the intention of bringing Willow home and leaving Spike in Los Angeles for all she cared. But then things spiraled out of control. She and Angel had fought, she had attacked Spike, and worst of all, she had killed her best friend.

She had no doubts about Willow’s fate. While the stake didn’t hit the redhead in the heart, it had done enough damage. There was no way, even if they had rushed her to a hospital, that she would have survived. And worst of all, she had just left. Sure, Angel had been furious, and demanded that she leave. But if she were truly the good friend she had spent all this time professing to be, she would have never left her side. For good or worse, she should have stayed.

But in the end, she had left her best friend’s life in the hands of Angel and Spike. She had a feeling she would be seeing Willow again; if Angel’s admission about Spike’s possible eventual turning of the witch was true. She wasn’t sure what to think about that. She wondered if the redhead would have a soul. Somehow she doubted that, Spike had never been very fond of Angel when he had a soul. Then again, he was never particularly fond of Angel without a soul, either. But now wasn’t the time to think of such things. She still had to tell Xander and Giles about her trip and its unexpected outcome.

She shivered as she thought of how Xander would take the news of Willow’s death, especially considering Buffy was the one responsible for the mortal wound. She had already lost one friend, possibly Angel as well, she wasn’t sure she could handle losing another. Anya wouldn’t care, since the former demon never really cared about any of them with the exception of Xander. Giles, he would shake his head, sigh softly, but probably remain silent out of grief and disappointment.

Buffy debated just calling her watcher, but decided against it, knowing they deserved to know in person. She would wait; maybe try to get some sleep, before calling Angel. She wanted to know what had happened to Willow after she left. Then she would tell her friends everything she knew. She hoped she would be prepared for the backlash she would receive; she knew their reactions were going to horrible. Lying on her bed, she didn’t even bother changing her clothes. She slipped under her comforter, wrapping herself in it and closed her eyes. She knew she would not rest today, for as she closed her eyes, all she saw was the expression on Willow’s face as she struggled to comprehend what had happened, where all that pain had come from.

She began to shake, tears streaming down her face as she shifted to look at her friend’s cold and empty bed. She scanned the room, seeing the redhead’s Dingoes poster next to her bed, all her computer disks situated neatly on her desk, her ever-present laptop absent. Buffy saw all the pictures of the three of them, herself, Willow, and Xander. They had been so happy. High school was definitely a difficult time for all of them. They fought demons day in and day out, meanwhile trying to maintain some semblance of a social life. She had been happy with Angel, Willow had Oz, Xander, strangely enough, had Cordelia. Their relationships weren’t perfect, but it was a simpler time. A time that would never come again.

And it was all her fault. She curled into a fetal position as she continued to think, her mind too active to rest. She briefly considered running away again, like she did when Angel was sent to hell. She was sure she would have no friend’s left after tonight and didn’t know if she could bear to remain on the hellmouth, knowing her friends were there, close but so far away, wanting nothing to do with her.

But she would stay, she knew. She had done the running away, the cowardly thing. She was the slayer, she had a duty. She had to protect the unsuspecting citizens of Sunnydale even at the cost of her personal relationships, possibly even her own life. She feared that one night, on a night like so many others, when she would need the help and support of her friends to survive, they wouldn’t be there. She shuddered, wondering how long she had left before the demons finally succeeded. Part of her wondered if Spike would be the one to finally kill her, he would be justified. But she didn’t think he would, Angel wouldn’t let him, but part of her wanted the blonde to just put her out of her misery.
 

~~~*~~~

It had been about three hours since Willow had woken. Angel remained in his living room the entire time, only knowing the redhead was awake because of the voices he heard and the sound of their movements in his bedroom. He knew they would be awhile. Spike had a lot to tell her, she had a lot of accepting to do, and then she would have to feed. He was sure Spike would take care of that, he figured the blonde wanted her to feed off him first. It would strengthen their bond and help her adjust to the idea of drinking blood. He knew the idea would be repulsive to her at first, her soul would detest it, but the demon inside her wouldn’t let her refuse the blood of her sire.

Hearing a low moan, the dark vampire stood and silently walked upstairs to the office. He looked around, seeing that Doyle had left already. He had called Cordelia earlier, after they completed the restoration ritual, filling her in briefly on everything that had happened. He asked her to take a couple days off. The transition would be hard enough for Willow without people around. He thought it best to limit her contact to just he and Spike until she was sure she was ready to see other people.

He grabbed his car keys, knowing Spike wouldn’t need his help for quite sometime. He made his way to the underground garage which protected him from the punishing rays of the sun, since it was still two hours until sunset. He just needed time to think, on his own. But since he had spent most of the morning and afternoon brooding, he decided to go out for a drink. There was pub a couple blocks away, normally he would just walk, considering it wasn’t far, but it was still too sunny.

Waltzing into the smoky bar, he squinted his eyes, seeing an empty seat by a dark corner. He almost smiled, dark corners were kinda his thing. Settling onto the stool, he greeted the bartender with a grunt, asking for tequila and turning his attention to the assorted patrons of the establishment.

“Didn’t expect to see ya here, mate,” drawled a slurred Irish voice. Angel swiveled to face Doyle who took a seat next to the laconic vampire.

“Didn’t expect to be here,” he answered shortly.

“Long day?” asked the seer sarcastically.

“Yeah, you should know. You were there.”

“Ay, that I was. Quite a mess there this morning.”

“Well, you missed the fireworks earlier. Buffy just…God, Doyle, that couldn’t have turned out worse,” he sighed sadly.

“Angel, you can’t let it get to you. You couldn’t have changed a damn thing. You should have learned by now, its destiny.”

“Yeah, well, destiny sucks.”

“I know mate, but this is only the beginning. You got a lot of work ahead of ya.”

“When did you get all cryptic on me?” snorted Angel as he downed a shot.

“Paid a visit to those lovely Oracles this morning after I left. They told me some things, little tidbits. I’m just warning ya, Angel.”

“Warning me? About what?”

“Yer pride,” he replied slowly. “You and Spike, you don’t have the best relationship, which is understandable, mate. But he’s gonna be here for awhile, so is that little redhead. You got a reminder awhile ago. You are *a* Champion, not *the* Champion. You have a tendency to get a bit high and mighty there, boss. But now, you don’t have just one, but *two* Champions to help you with your cause. The Powers just wanna make sure you’ll…play well with others,” he answered with an amused grin.

“Two?” he questioned with a raised eyebrow.

“Yup. Willow, she’s one obviously. Another souled vampire fighting for the good of mankind. Unlike you, my friend, she’s not fightin’ for redemption. No, she’s fightin’ cause that’s what she knows is right. It’s always been in her nature to help others. And then you have Spike…”

“Spike?!” he snorted skeptically as he glanced at his seer.

“Yeah, Spike,” Doyle replied sharply. “He loves the girl; she’ll be responsible for his…turning over a new leaf, if you will. Admit it or not, boss, she’s changed him. He’s not who he used to be and you know it. He’ll still push yer buttons, Angel. He lives to piss you off, that won’t change. But he’s not the bad guy, not anymore. Reluctant or not, he’s a Champion as well. But don’t tell him that, he’ll probably whine and complain, maybe stomp around like a petulant child.”

“Huh, sounds like Spike,” Angel agreed with a small chuckle.

“That it does,” replied the half-demon. “Just…give it some time. It will take some getting used to, having him around, but it’s necessary. He’s gonna do great things, Angel. They both will, you will too. You were all chosen by the powers, long ago, as some of the warriors for good. It’s not something they take lightly. You three are gonna be around for quite some time, you’ve got to try and get over all those issues you and Spike have.”

“Doyle, we don’t have issues-” Angel argued, but the seer hushed him.

“Please, you’ve got to be kidding me. But most importantly Angel, you need to realize, and soon, that you aren’t the center of it all. Before, when it was just the three us, you, me, and Delia; you were the hero, the important one. I was your connection to the powers, Delia was…eye candy,” he shrugged. “But now, there are three of ya. Don’t feel like you have to be the boss. Your opinions do matter, but so do theirs. If you order them around like their employees and not equals, they won’t stick around. And trust me, mate, they need to stay. Things are gonna get messy in sunny ole Hell-A soon and you’re gonna need all the help you can get.” Sighing, the half-demon stood and clapped Angel on the back. “Be seein’ ya, boss. Just…think about it, will ya?” Angel nodded and watched the seer leave, jumping a little when he heard his cell phone ringing. He frowned when he saw who it was, what could Buffy possibly have to say?

~~~*~~~

Xander frowned as he noticed that the watcher’s apartment was surprisingly empty. He tugged Anya along with him as he sat on the couch, clearing his throat subtly to alert the watcher to their presence. Giles smiled sheepishly and greeted the couple. Xander sighed; saddened at the changes their small group had taken. Buffy was off, patrolling no doubt, Spike was no where to be seen, which was no real loss, and Willow was gone as well. He wasn’t even sure if she would be back if Buffy continued to act the way she did. He may not like Spike, but he could tolerate the bleached menace for her. He could tolerate anything for her.

The three turned their attention to the front door when they heard it open, the small noise loud in the unusual silence. They saw Buffy enter, her face drawn and somber. Giles was confused as to what could cause such a dramatic change of moods in his slayer.

“Hey Buff, what’s the what?” asked Xander, trying in vain to ignore the tension radiating from the blonde.

“Um, I have something to tell you. Something happened…with Willow,” she whispered. Xander froze; knowing whatever she had to say was going to be devastating.

“What is it, Buffy?” inquired Giles gently.

“I…um, I went to L.A. this morning. I overheard you talking with Xander and I had to go, to bring Willow back,” she told them softly. “I found her and Spike with Angel. Angel and I got into an argument, he just found out his soul was permanent but he kept telling me we couldn’t be together again. He was right,” she admitted sadly, “but I didn’t want to listen. Anyway, things got out of hand. I…I tried to get Willow to leave with me but she wouldn’t. I hit Spike and then Angel jumped in. I don’t know what I was thinking…I had my stake. Willow…she tried to stop me, stop the fighting. I didn’t know, I swear! I didn’t know she was the one behind me and I-I turned. God, Xander…I staked her…I killed her,” she said, tears thickening her voice.

Xander couldn’t move. He couldn’t believe it, his Wills couldn’t be dead. He just spoke with her a couple days ago. And Buffy, she couldn’t have hurt her, this couldn’t be true. Anya squeezed his hand in sympathy, knowing this would be hard for her boyfriend. Giles, being the most reasonable of them all, was the first to break the silence.

“Is she-?” he started, but he couldn’t finish the question.

“Spike…he turned her,” she murmured. “Angel restored her soul, with no clause. But she’s a vampire now. They did what they could to save her. Don’t hate them, Xan,” she pleaded, knowing how much he hated Angel and disliked Spike.

“I don’t hate them,” he told her harshly. “How could I hate them? They saved her, after all. Saved her from *you*! How could you? I know you hated that she was with Spike, but I didn’t know you hated her so much you would kill her, your own best friend!”

“Xander!” shouted Giles, stopping the boy’s rant.

“I’m sorry, Giles,” he apologized, his eyes still on Buffy. “But this is her fault. She refused to listen, and because she was stubborn and selfish my best friend is a vampire. She may have a soul, and I’m thankful for that, because Wills wouldn’t want it any other way, but she’s still a demon. And it’s all because of you.”

“You’re right,” she admitted hoarsely. “You have every right to hate me, Xan. I expected you to. I know it’s too late to change anything, but I-I regret everything I’ve said and done. Do you know how much it killed me to think that *I* killed Willow and *Spike* was the one to save her?! I know you hate me, but I just wanted you to know what happened. I…I think I’ll patrol right now. I know you don’t want to be around me. I just hope that one day, all of us, Willow and Spike included, can maybe put everything behind us. Maybe we can be friends again someday Xander. But I know you don’t want to be around me, so I’m gonna go.”

The slayer took one last look at the three dumbfounded faces of her friends and watcher before leaving, tears of loss and sadness trailing down her face.

~~~*~~~

“This wasn’t how I planned this,” confided Spike as he held his Willow close to him, relishing in her presence. She snuggled closer, laying her head comfortably on his bare chest as he pulled the covers over them.

“You had plans?” she questioned, surprised that he had given any serious thought to her turning.

“Of course, love. I had this whole picture in my head, lots of candles, just you and me, together all night until you beg to join me in eternity. But that’s not what happened. No, instead, you’re cold and bloody lying on the floor of Paingel’s office. It’s not right. You deserved better,” he swore to her.

“It doesn’t matter, Spike,” she murmured, placing a soft kiss on his lips before resting once again. “In the end, it’s still just you and me. It will always be just you and me. Buffy didn’t win; I think she finally realized she was wrong.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t give a damn if Slutty finally gets it. That bitch should be six feet under for what she did,” he growled.

“No, Spike,” Willow demanded softly. “Please don’t. I understand why you want to hurt her, even part of me wants her to pay, but it won’t change anything. Forget her. I don’t have any plans on moving back to Sunnydale, she’s the past.”

“I know, baby. But I can’t just forget what she did to you. You were supposed to be her best friend and she staked you!”

“Please don’t,” she pleaded, looking into his eyes. He relented as he gazed upon her, his childe. While the circumstances of her turning weren’t perfect, all that mattered what that she was still here, with him, and would be forever. She was his childe, his only one, and he couldn’t be more proud. She had to be his greatest accomplishment.

“I love you, pet, you know that?” she smiled and he couldn’t help but smile in return.

“Love you too, Spike.” He kissed her slowly, needing to reassure himself that he hadn’t lost her. He had lived and unlived for over a century. But he had never felt the sort of emotions that filled him until he met his redhead. She was everything he needed, wanted, and desired. He could never get enough of his girl, an eternity wouldn’t be enough time to spend with her, for there was never one person he had met in his lifetimes that he need so desperately.

The End.

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