Pairing: W/S (sort of)
Rating: Pg-ish, at least for now
Archived at: www.geocities.com/seeing_reddd
Disclaimer: I humbly borrow, twisting and bending plots to my will.
Summary: I took a bunch of characters and tossed them onto the reality show, The Amazing Race. Not my usual angst...
Spoilers: None specifically
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Race for Your Life
Episode 1
(Camera pans down from bright sky, over desolate sand dunes. A small crowd of people is coming up over a nearby hill as the camera pulls back, focusing on Phil, the host, who is smiling broadly.)
Phil
Welcome to another exciting season of Race for Your Life, a 100,000-mile race around the universe. This time, we have a special treat for our other-worldly viewers. Our ten teams of two, made up of people with pre-existing relationships, all hail from the same dimension, and some of them you may recognize. Besides knowing their teammates, they will soon discover that they are familiar with the other pairings as well, each arriving from Sunnydale or Los Angeles, California to compete for our one million dollar prize. Though hundreds of thousands of creatures applied for the show, only twenty were chosen, and interestingly enough, not one of our teams tried out. Instead, they were chosen by our producers and forced into play with penalty of death if they refused. Should make for an exciting season!
Now, let's meet our teams.
(Cut to a shot of Buffy and Dawn. The slayer is trying to push her sister back behind her, away from the camera, as Dawn insistently shoves her sister aside, posing for the camera.)
Phil (voiceover)
Team one is sisters Buffy and Dawn. Buffy is the current slayer, residing over a hellmouth in Sunnydale, and her kid sister, Dawn, once a mystical key, has been learning to fight in her spare time. Though both girls look small and frail, together they believe they will be unstoppable.
(Cut to shot of Buffy)
Buffy
Well, I have slayer strength and speed, so this should be a piece of cake for me, as long as Dawn doesn't get herself into too much trouble. It's all about power and who has it, and right now, that's me.
(Cut to shot of Dawn)
Dawn
Everyone underestimates me, including Buffy, but I'm here to prove that I'm not just some kid. I'm a strong, capable, modern woman.And they are sooo going to eat our dust.
(Cut to shot of Angel and Conner. Angel is trying to smile, though it looks more like a grimace as he glances toward the overhead lights and then back at the camera, while Conner has himself pulled up as tall as possible, turned sideways, his arms crossed over his chest as he glares menacingly at the camera, occasionally glancing toward an off-screen monitor to be sure he looks tough enough)
Phil (voiceover)
Father and son duo, Angel and Conner, make up team number two. Both currently living in Los Angeles, Angel, formerly known as Angelus, the most brutal, sadistic vampire in history, currently owns and operates a private investigation firm in the city, specifying in paranormal activity.
(Cut to shot of Angel)
Angel
It is a business, but really, I'm just there to help the helpless, the people that can't fight for themselves, and.and while it's true that I was once a very evil vampires, I'm really not anymore.evil.I mean, I'm still a vampire, no changing that, but I have a soul, so I'm good now, more or less.Not that it makes me a push-over or anything. I'm still pretty tough.
(Cut to shot of Angel and Connor sparing with swords)
Phil (voiceover)
While Connor was born only a few short months ago, in a bizarre twist of fate, the infant was pulled into another dimension by one of his father's enemies, returning several days later only to have already aged nearly fifteen years. Thanks to his time in the other dimension, Connor is a master hunter and fighter, and wields a mean sword.
(Cut to shot of Connor, sharpening a large knife)
Connor
Dad has a tendency to still treat me like a kid. He forgets that I'm a warrior now. I've killed more creatures than he's ever heard of, and in the end, it's my strength that's going to win this for us.
(Cut to shot of Cordelia and Wesley, both smiling at the camera, Cordy with a broad, toothy grin, Wesley trying to look roughish but coming off as nervous)
Phil (voiceover)
Team three is made up of friends and co-workers, Cordelia and Wesley, both currently living in Los Angelus and working for Angel Investigation. Though both appear to be relatively harmless, they believe that their demon hunting experience, combined with time on the hellmouth and watcher training will lead them to victory.
(Cut to shot of Wesley and Cordelia both sitting on a couch, leaning forward a bit, looking into the camera)
Cordelia
They think that I'm just some beautiful woman that gets the occasional vision and is always incredibly well dressed, and while that's all true, we're pretty terrific fighters as well.
Wesley
After spending eight years studying at the watcher's council in London, and then fighting along side Angel, I'm sure that everyone will be in for a bit of a surprise at just how strong Wesley Wyndom-Pryce has become.
Cordelia
Do you know how many clothes and shoes a million dollars will buy me? I mean..my god, the things I could do with that money.
Wesley (looked at her uneasily)
Cordelia, we're going to use the money to help the helpless, not buy clothing.
Corelia
Whatever, Mr. Goody-two-shoes. We already help the helpless. That's what Angel's for. How about we help me for once, huh?
(Cut to shot of Joyce and Giles, both sitting next to one another on a couch, each glancing at the other and then scooting away, blushing)
Phil (voiceover)
Team number four is Joyce Summers and Rupert Giles. They both believe that age and wisdom will be beneficial to them during the race.
Joyce
Well, of course, I don't like the idea of having to race against my own daughters, but then the money would be wonderful to fix up the house and create a college fund for Dawn.
Giles
Yes, well, Buffy certainly does have strength on her side, but as with the rest of the children, they prefer to rush off without thinking things through, and I believe that will be their downfall in the end.
(Cut to shot of Gunn and Faith, both turned to the side, each pressing a shoulder into the other, taking turns elbowing one another and then smiling innocently)
Phil (voiceover)
Charles Gunn and Faith make up team number 5. Gunn has been fighting demons for years, and combined with the strength and talent of slayer, Faith, he's sure that they will be the first to reach the finish line.
(Cut to shot of Gunn, examining a large cross-bow)
Gunn
We're ready, man. I've seen it all, believe me. There ain't nothin' you can throw at me that I can't take.Except maybe sky-diving.or hang-gliding, or bungee jumping..or parasailing, or.or maybe walking on a high ledge. Ain't no need for a brother to be that high up.But other than that, we're ready.
(Cut to shot of Faith, glaring at the camera, hands on her hips)
Faith
We'll be fine, as long as Gunn can keep his cool and stay outta my way, we'll have no problems.
(Cut to shot of Warren and Andrew, both smiling at the camera, Warren unaware as Andrew keeps glancing back and forth from the camera and him)
Phil (voiceover)
Team number six is comprised of fellow self-proclaimed geeks, Warren and Andrew. Computer and electronic expertise, along with extensive sci-fi and fantasy gaming knowledge are what these two young men plan to utilize to keep them at the head of the herd.
Warren
Dude, they won't even see us coming. The slayer and her little friends, they think they're so tough, they have no idea what they're about to come up against.
Andrew
Yeah, Warren is going to be unstoppable. He's like a young Anikan Skywalker, about ready to win his first pod race. He's like.
Warren
Hey, moron, stop talking.
Andrew
Sorry, Warren. You're the boss.
(Cut to shot of Anya and Xander, arms slung around one another as they smile brightly)
Phil (voiceover)
Secretly engaged couple, Xander and Anya, make up team number seven. Xander has been fighting along side the slayer for years, and his sweetheart, former vengeance demon, Anyanka, believes that her knowledge and experience from her demon days will help immensely.
(Cut to shot of Anya)
Anya
As a humble shopkeeper, I know how to handle stressful situations and think on my toes. That will really help us win the money. Plus I'm sneaky, and say what you want, but it's not how you play the game, it's whether you win the money that matters.
(Cut to shot of Xander)
Xander
Anya and I have our ups and downs, but for the most part, we're really supportive of one another and I think that this race will only help strengthen our relationship.
(Cut to shot of Lindsey and Lilah, both glaring at one another)
Phil (voiceover)
Team number eight is made up of co-workers, Lilah and Lindsey, from the LA branch of the law firm Wolfram and Heart. Their conniving, scheming habits should keep them on top and ahead of the race.
Lilah
We're here because Angel's here. We have an invested interest in him, so the senior partners felt that it was important for us to participate, keep a close eye on him.
Lindsey
Great, Lilah, why don't you just tell them all of the firm's secrets while you're at it. I'm sure that the partners would love that.
Lilah (trying to smile as she glares at Linsdey, speaking through clenched teeth)
I'm just answering the question. It's not like I told them about the apocalypse.
(Cut to shot of Fred and Lorne, both smiling for the camera)
Phil (voiceover)
Fred and Lorne make up team number 9. Both working at Angel Investigation, Fred is a math and science wiz. Though she looks small and frail, this tough cookie survived several years as a run away slave in another dimension. Lorne, an empathy demon, owns his own karaoke bar and hopes that his skills at reading people will help them along the way
(Cut to shot of Lorne and Fred sitting next to one another on large, plush chairs)
Lorne
I'm not really good under pressure. Racing has never really been my thing. I'm more of a sidelines kind of guy. I'm not really sure how much help I'm going to be.
Fred
Oh, Lorne, you'll be just fine. I'm sure the other teams will underestimate just how strong we really are. It takes more than brawn to win a race like this.
(Cut to shot of Spike and Willow. Willow is smiling shyly at the camera as Spike makes face behind her, letting his vampire features slip back and forth as he growls and tries to look scary)
Phil (voiceover)
Team ten is made up of Spike, A.k.a. William the Bloody, and Willow, resident witch and hacker extraordinaire. Between his demon strength and ability, and her magic prowess, they should make for a formidable duo.
(Cut to shot of Willow)
Willow
I'm.I'm not really sure how we ended up on the same team. I guess we were just the leftovers. Figures.
(Cut to shot of Spike)
Spike
Yeah, well, I guess Red might come in handy, if she can get a spell right. Not a whole lot of control with that one. Never know if she's going to teleport you somewhere good or turn you into a toad.
(Cut to shot of Willow)
Willow
He's unpredictable and stubborn and annoying and snarky and cute and irritating, and..and.did I say cute? Can.can you edit that part out?
(Cut to shot of Spike)
Spike
I suppose I could have done worse. Red isn't THAT bad.when she's not babbling, or cocking up a spell, or hanging around with the slayer, or moping after dog-boy.other than all that, she's not half bad.
(Cut back to Phil, still smiling at the camera)
Phil
Now that you've met the teams, let's go over the race rules. Contestants will begin from this spot, an undisclosed location in my home dimension of Mirnoth. Here, they will be given their first clue, which will direct them to their first Route Marker. This is a location with a yellow and red flag, signifying further instructions. Along the way they will also come across Detours, a choice between two different ways to accomplish a goal or reach a destination. One may seem easy, but actually involve a twist that takes longer, while another may look difficult upon first glance, but actually be completed much more quickly. Teams will also find Road Block clues, denoting a task in which only one team member may complete the task, the other most often having to stand by and watch until it is finished.
Now, each team has an envelope. When I fire this gun, you may open the envelope, receiving your first clue and go. Everyone ready?
(Cut to shot of contestants nodding eagerly, some eyeing one another)
(Cut back to Phil as he holds the gun up in the air)
Phil
Oh your marks, get set, Go!
(Cut to the teams as they begin to tear open the envelopes as we hear the gun shot sound)
Dawn
Hurry up, Buff. Come on!
Buffy
I'd like to see you open it faster!
Dawn
Give it to me and I will
(Cut to Anya and Xander as they read over the clue)
Anya
Mirnoth is known, among other things, for its incredibly large birds of prey. Reaching over eighteen feet high, Angornas are generally friendly toward humans and other similar sized demons, preying on smaller creatures. Very intelligent, they are similar to homing pigeons, often used by Mirnothians as messengers.
(Cut to shot of Fred and Lorne)
Fred
Catch a ride on the Angornas' claws. Hold on tight and you will be taken to your next Route Marker.
(Fred pauses as she looks around, shielding her eyes against the bright light)
Lorne
Do you see anything?
(Cut to shot of Lilah and Lindsey as they look around)
Linsdey
Where are they?
Lilah (pointing toward the horizon)
What's that?
(Cut to shot of horizon as several Angorna demons come flying toward the teams)
(Cut to Dawn and Buffy)
Dawn
There aren't enough. I only see six!
Buffy
Then I guess we'd better be sure that we get one!
(Cut to shot of Angorna demons closing in, swooping down toward the teams, sand kicking up around them as they flap their massive wings)
Phil (voiceover)
The first flock of Angornas only contains six of the creatures. That means that four teams will be left behind, waiting for the next flock to come over. It may only be a few minutes wait, but that could make all the difference.
(Cut to shot of Buffy as she grabs onto a large, clawed foot and yanks down, angering the creature, causing it to squawk and squirm)
Buffy
Hurry up, Dawn, I got one! Come on!
Dawn (Running up to Buffy)
You're making it mad. Be careful.
Buffy
I'm fine. Just grab on!
Dawn
You're pissing it off!
Buffy
I'm not.
(Buffy is cut off as the demon kicks out its massive leg, knocking her to the ground and moving away from the sisters)
(Cut to shot of Spike as he chases one of the demons around, trying to wave the sand from his eyes and grab onto a claw at the same time)
Spike (coughing and sputtering as he runs, sand flying around him)
Come on, Red! I almost got him! Let's go!
(Cut to shot of Willow hanging onto a leg with both hands as they swoop down toward the blond vampire)
Willow
Spike, what are you doing? I already got one. It was easy.
Spike (stopping and looking up in surprise)
Right. Good job, go team.
(Willow rolls her eyes as Spike grabs on and the demon takes off in flight)
(Cut to shot of Xander and Anya as they are lifted off the ground, Xander is holding on tightly, looking petrified. Anya is swinging by one hand, smiling brightly)
Anya
Great job, honey! High five!
(Cut to close up of Xander, still looking terrified)
(Cut to shot of Buffy and Dawn. Buffy is jumping up and down, trying to grab another demon as Dawn simply watches her, her hands on her hips)
Dawn
You're doing that all wrong. You'll never get one that way.
Buffy
Well maybe if you would help.
(Cut to shot of Giles and Joyce flying by)
Joyce
Look, honey! I'm flying. Oh! Good luck!
(Cut to shot of Lindsey chasing one of the demons as Lilah watches)
Lindsey
A little help here?
Lilah (trying to get a signal on her cell phone)
I think you're doing just fine on your own there.
(Cut to shot of Fred holding onto a leg, dangling just off the ground)
Fred
Just grab on, Lorne. It's fun!
(Cut to shot of Warren and Andrew)
Warren
Next time one comes by, just grab on, you big baby.
Andrew
I'm trying, but they're scary
(We see a demon swoop down and Warren grabs on, gripping Andrews arm and pulling him up with him. Andrew swings over and grabs the other claw)
(Cut to shot of Cordy and Wes chasing one of the demons, along with Gunn and Faith)
Cordy (as she trips Gunn, knocking him down)
Grab it, Wesley! Grab it!
(We see Cordelia shove at Faith, she pushes her back. It quickly escalates into a full out cat fight)
Cordy (pulling Faith's hair)
You are not getting that demon!
Faith (pushing a hand against Cordy's face)
Maybe I won't, but I'll make damn sure you don't either.
(Both girls begin screaming and clawing at one another)
(Cut to pre-recorded shot of Cordelia)
Cordy (sitting on plush chair in studio)
Just because it's a race doesn't mean that we have to act like animals. I mean, we aren't barbarians, and I know that these things can get pretty crazy, but I, for one, plan to act with decorum and dignity.
(Cut to Cordelia rolling in the sand with Faith as each pulls the others hair and scratches, screeching at one another)
(Cut to shot of Gunn holding the last demon's leg)
Gunn (leaning forward and letting go of the claw)
Faith, come on, I got it!
(We see Connor run up and grab the leg behind Gunn)
Connor
Zoink!
Gunn
Hey, man, that's not fair!
Angel (running up and grabbing the other leg)
Sorry, Gunn!
(Cut to shot of a map with arrows moving from one location to another)
Phil (voiceover)
The teams will now travel several miles to the small village of Mirnoth Proper. When they land, they will see a large straw pile. Hidden within the pile are twelve clues, rolled up to about the size of a large needle. The teams will need to find the clue to move on to their next destination.
(Cut to shot of Anya and Xander jumping down onto the ground)
Anya
That was so fun! And look, honey, we're first! Yay us!
Xander (still looking shaken up)
How are we ever going to find the clue in that? It's like.like.trying to find a needle in a haystack, and you know what they say about that.
Anya (hands on her hips, looking angry)
Xander, why do you always have to be so negative, huh? You can never just enjoy the moment.
Xander
Is it really the time to talk about this?
(We see another demon swoop down and Spike and Willow land behind the other couple, quickly running to the straw pile)
Willow
You start on that end, I'll start on this end.
(Cut to shot of Spike standing still, looking up at the sky)
(Cut to shot of Willow as she starts digging through the pile, pausing and looking up, scowling at Spike)
Willow
What are you doing?
Spike
Just realized I'm not bursting into flames here. Kinda neat.
Willow (Rolling her eyes)
Yeah, great.
Spike
Well, I wouldn't be very helpful to you as a big pile of dust, now would I?
Willow
Not really seeing the difference right now.
Spike
Bet you wouldn't think I was nearly as cute either.
(Cut to shot of Willow, blushing, mouth hanging wide open)
(Cut to shot of Giles and Joyce as they land and run over to the straw pile)
(Cut to shot of Willow as she stands up, straw in her hair and on her shirt, waving at Giles)
Willow
Hey, guys, have a good trip?
(Cut to shot of Joyce)
Joyce
Willow, hi! This whole thing is so exciting, don't you think?
(Cut to shot of Willow as Spike comes up next to her, also covered in straw)
Spike
Do you want to win the race or chat all day?
Joyce (voiceover)
Hello, Spike!
Spike (looking sheepish and waving)
Oh, hello Mrs. Summers
(We see Willow give him a look before they go back to searching)
(Cut to shot of Giles, now also covered in the straw as Anya throws it over her shoulder right onto him)
Giles
Have you been searching for a while?
Anya (not glancing up, continuing to throw hay)
About a half hour.
(Cut to Joyce as she jumps up, holding something)
Joyce
Rupert, look! I found one!
(We see Giles run over to her as they unroll the clue and read it quietly to themselves. Spike is in the background, trying to overhear them)
Joyce and Giles (at the same time)
Detour!
(Cut to shot Phil)
Phil
Remember, a detour is a choice between two different ways to accomplish a task. One may seem difficult or more distasteful, but be quicker to finish. The other may seem easier, but actually take much more time. The teams must choose one. If they are unable to finish that path, they must go back and accomplish the task with the other choice, putting them at a significant disadvantage time-wise.
(Cut to shot of Giles and Joyce reading)
Joyce
Open wide or snip-snip.
(Cut to shot of the main street in the village)
Phil (voiceover)
For this detour, teams must choose between trying to feed a piece of fruit to a Fungornal demon or administering a full haircut to a Pilosus demon. Fungornal demons are notoriously stubborn creatures. They are covered in a thick, green slime which emits a strong odor as a defensive measure. Keepers have been known to struggle with the demons for days to simply force their mouths open. Pilosus demons resemble short humans, though they are covered in a very thick, coarse layer of fur which covers their whole body. Should a team choose the haircut, they must find the Pilosus Specialty Barber Shop, located in the center of Main Street. There, the demons will be lined up, ready for their weekly trim.
(Cut to Joyce and Giles)
Joyce
Well, I think that the feeding will be a lot quicker.
Giles
Actually, if memory serves, Fungornal demons are terribly difficult creatures to feed. It may take hours, even days. Besides that, their odor is quite atrocious. I say we go with the haircut.
Joyce (folding up the paper)
I knew there was a reason I liked you, Rupert.
(Cut to shot of straw stack. Anya, Xander, Spike, Willow, Lorne and Fred are now all searching as we see Angel and Connor land)
Connor
I thought that thing would never stop circling above the site.
Angel
I told you, you just have to know how to communicate with other demons.
Connor (Rolling his eyes)
Dad, you started begging like a child whining for candy.
Angel (Shrugging)
It worked, didn't it?
(Cut to shot of Willow, jumping up out of the pile)
Willow
Spike! I found one! I found one!
(We see Spike run over to her as she opens the clue)
Spike
'Bout bloody time.
(Cut to shot of Anya)
Anya
Xander, dig faster. Willow already found one. We're not winning anymore.
(Cut to shot of Xander)
Xander
Anya, I'm searching as fast as I can.
(Cut to shot of Willow and Spike reading over the clue)
Willow
What do you think? Feeding?
Spike
Hell no. Have you ever had to deal with a Fungornal demon. They smell awful.
Willow
Yeah, but.
Spike
No buts, Red. Not going near one of them. We're doing the hair cut and that's final.
(Cut to shot of Buffy and Dawn jumping onto the last Angorna demon)
Phil (voiceover)
The last team, sisters Buffy and Dawn, have finally caught an Angorna and are heading toward the straw pile, (Cut to shot of Joyce and Giles running down the street), while parental figures Joyce and Rupert, currently in first place, run toward the barber shop.
(Cut to the straw pile as we see Angel jump up, brushing straw out of his hair)
Angel
I got one!
Anya (pouting with her hands on her hips)
Xander! We're falling behind! Are you even TRYING to find a clue?
Xander (Rolling his eyes)
Yes, dear.
(Cut to shot of Angel and Connor looking at the clue)
Angel
Okay, I say we go for the haircut.
Connor
No way, feeding the Fengornal.
Angel
Are you sure? Fengornal demons can be.
Connor
I know all about them. We had them where I grew up. I fed them all the time. You just have to know what you're doing.
Angel
Alright, if you're sure.
(Cut to shot of Joyce and Giles as they run into the barber shop and greet the owner. One of the hairy demons immediately sits down and the owner quickly shows them how to work the sheers)
(Cut to shot of straw pile as Buffy and Dawn finally run up, Lorne and Fred running past them, Fred holding up a clue)
Fred
Come on, Lorne. We have to find the Fengornal farm.
(Cut to shot of Willow and Spike starting a haircut just as Joyce and Giles finish, grabbing the offered clue from the owner and running out the door. The camera follows them, stopping outside as they open it and read)
Giles (reading)
Find the bus station and take one of the waiting, marked cars to Mirnoth Resort, located about fifty miles outside of the village.
(Cut to shot of straw pile)
Faith (holding up clue)
I got one!
(Cut to close up shot of Cordelia as she jumps up from under the straw)
Cordelia
Wesley, I found one!
(Cut to shot of Anya, stopping her foot and crossing her arms)
Anya
Xander! Everyone is beating us!
(Cut to outside of barber shop as we see Willow and Spike running out. Faith and Cordelia are both running side by side, Gunn and Wesley just behind them. Reaching the door, both girls try to push through, getting caught in the frame and trying to elbow the other one away)
(Cut to shot of Xander standing up, unfolding a clue. He and Anya look it over.)
Anya
Well, we have to do the feeding. It's our only way to try and catch up.
Xander
Whatever you think is best, hon.
(Cut to shot of Willow and Spike as they run up to the bus station)
Willow (pointing)
There! There's the cars!
(Camera pans out as they run to the cars, Spike jumping into the driver's seat as Willow moves into the back, pulling out a map)
(Cut to shot of Giles and Joyce running up a street)
Joyce
Maybe we should just ask someone for directions.
Giles
I'm sure it's around here somewhere. The village is not that big.
Joyce (pointing toward a statue)
Rupert, we already passed that statue.twice!
(Cut to shot of Angel and Connor running out of the farm entrance, clue in hand, just as Lorne and Fred run in)
(Cut to shot of Lindsey and Lilah in the barber shop)
Lilah (holding the sheers)
You better help, Lindsey. I'm not doing this alone.
Lindsey
This looks more like you're thing. Besides, I'm the one that caught that last weird demon thing.
(Cut to shot of Warren and Andrew running up to the bus station)
Andrew
I told you the haircut thing was a better idea.
Warren
Yeah, whatever. Just get into the car and tell me where to go.
(Cut to shot of car driving down road)
Phil (voiceover)
Spike and Willow, currently in first place, are nearing the Pit Stop, where the teams will be able to rest for a short time. Once they reach the Mirnoth Resort, each team will find me waiting in the lobby. The last team to arrive will be eliminated. Spike and Willow, father and son team, Angel and Connor, co-workers Cordelia and Wesley and Faith and Gunn are all in the last stage of this leg. Joyce and Rupert are still searching for the bus station. Sisters, Buffy and Dawn are currently at the barbershop, while Lorne and Fred, and Anya and Xander have just arrived at the Fungornal farm.
(Cut to shot of Fred and Lorne standing in front of a large, slimy looking demon resembling a cow. Fred is holding her nose as she gingerly poke the creature. The camera pans over to Anya and Xander as they grab the piece of fruit and run over to another Fungornal demon. Handing the fruit to Xander, Anya moves behind the demon.)
Xander
You know what you're doing?
Anya
Not anything I haven't done a million times before. Now just hold the fruit by its mouth.
(We see Anya grab the demon's tail, pulling it taut with one hand, while her other hand reaches around and pulls the head back by the horns. At the same time, she yells something in a strange language, and the demon immediately opens it's mouth, taking the fruit.)
Xander (looking both surprised and proud)
How did you just do that?
Anya (smiling broadly)
I'll explain it to you later
(We see them run out as the camera pans back over to Lorne and Fred, who are still trying to get the demon to eat)
Lorne
Uh, sweets, we have a problem. The happy couple just passed us.
Fred (getting frustrated)
Just eat, damn you!
(Suddenly, we see the demon open it's mouth and she squeals in surprise. Before she has a chance to slip the fruit it, it closes it's mouth tight again)
Fred
Now you're just teasing.
(Cut to shot of Willow and Spike running into the lobby and up to Phil)
Phil
Spike and Willow.Congratulation, you're team number one.
(We see both Spike and Willow jump up and down and hug one another. A moment later, they both realize what they're doing and stop, looking away sheepishly)
Phil
For coming in first in this leg, you both will be staying in the luxury suite here at the resort tonight, and you will be the first team to depart for the next leg of the race. Congratulations.
(Cut to shot of Joyce and Giles, still wandering the streets)
Joyce
That's it. This is ridiculous. I'm asking the next person I see for directions. (Seeing a freshly shaved Pilosus demon, Joyce approaches it.) Excuse me, can you tell me where the bus station is?
(we see the demon give her a strange look)
Giles
They don't speak English.
Joyce (glancing toward giles)
What do they speak?
Giles
Honestly, I have no idea.
Joyce (rolling her eyes and looking back at the demon)
We need BUS? Vroom vroom?
Giles
Oh, yes, I'm sure he'll understand that.
(We see the demon begin to speak strangely to her, pointing toward the top of a steep hill)
Giles
Oh, you've got to be kidding. We were up there a dozen times already.
(Cut to shot of Phil as Angel and Connor run up)
Phil
Angel and Connor, you're team number two.
(We see them both smile and high-five one another)
(Cut to shot of Giles and Joyce as they finally find a car and drive off)
(Cut back to Phil as Faith and Gunn run up, Cordy and Wesley right behind them)
Phil
Faith and Gunn......(long pause).....You're team number three.
Cordelia and Wesley, you're team number four.
(Cut to shot of Buffy and Dawn jumping out of the car and running up to the resort)
(Cut to shot of Phil as they run up)
Phil
Buffy and Dawn? You're team number five.
(we see them both smile and hug)
(Cut to Fungornal farm and we see Lorne and Fred finally running out, currently in last place)
(Cut to shot of Phil as Warren and Andrew run up)
Phil
Warren? Andrew?.......... You're team number six.
(Cut to shot of Lilah and Lindsey running out of the barber shop and to the cars)
(Cut to shot of Lorne and Fred in the car, Lorne is driving, Fred is in the back, navigating)
Lorne
Are you sure this is correct? This doesn't feel like the right road.
(Cut to shot of car driving down deserted street)
(Cut to shot of Phil with Anya and Xander standing before him)
Phil
Anya and Xander, you're team number...seven.
(we see them both sigh with relief and hug)
(Cut to shot of Lindsey and Lilah walking into the lobby. Cut to Phil)
Phil
Lilah, Lindsey, you are team number eight.
(Cut to shot of Fred and Lorne driving. Cut to shot of Giles and Joyce driving. Cut to shot of lobby entrance. Camera zooms out as we see Joyce and Giles come running around the corner, stopping in front of Phil, looking defeated)
Phil (looking sad)
Joyce and Rupert....you are...team number nine.
(we see them both break out into wide smiles)
Joyce
Really? You're not joking, right? Cause I don't think I could take that right now.
(Cut to shot of Fred and Lorne pulling up and getting out of the car. Cut to shot of Phil with the team walking up to him.)
Phil
Fred, Lorne, I'm sorry to say that you are team number ten. You have been eliminated.
(we see them both nod their heads sadly, Fred giving Lorne a reassuring smile)
(Cut to later recorded interview with Fred and Lorne on a couch together)
Fred
It was a fun experience, and I'm glad we had the chance to do it, but to be honest, being here gives me the willies and I just can't wait to get home.
Lorne
I feel bad, like I let my little Fredikins down.
Fred
He didn't let me down. I was happy to have a team mate who was so loyal and compassionate.
(We see them both smile as Lorne wipes away a tear and hugs her.)
(Stay tuned for the next episode of Race for Your Life)
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