Parts: 21 - 27
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
~Part: 21~
Waking up, he knew immediately that he was alone. Sitting up, Spike looked around the dim room, frowning at not seeing a certain redhead. Standing, he quickly threw on a pair of jeans and made his way up to the crypt. Again, there was no sight of her. Glancing toward a window, he could see that the sun was just about to set.
She wouldn't have left during the day, at least, he didn't think so. Her scent was most recent near the doorway, and he could feel fear and pain trailing along through their bond. Not good. One thought immediately entered his mind. The Slayer. She must have somehow taken the redhead again. Just how she was able to steal his mate from the very bed that he slept in, he had no idea, but there was one thing he was certain of. This time, when he got Willow back, he would finish the Slayer off.
Going back down the ladder, Spike grabbed a shirt and his leather coat, dressing quickly and heading for the tunnels. It was time to put an end to this once and for all.
~*~
Willow opened her eyes and looked around groggily. She was in her room. Snuggling down further into the blankets, she closed her eyes briefly, reveling in the soft warmth of the bed. The night had been plagued by nightmares, death and destruction most prominent, and she felt as though the night had lasted for months.
Turning onto her back, Willow let out a soft sigh, grateful that those horrible dreams were just that, dreams, as in not real. Pulling the blanket up a little further over her chilled body, the redhead felt a sudden, slight movement next to her, and her eyes popped open, her head whipping to the side.
Her green eyes widened as she took in the concerned gaze of the dark- haired vampire next to her on the bed. Oh god. It hadn't been a dream. It was real. She was a-a vampire! She was evil! Oh god, she had killed her parents. She had killed so many. She and Spike had, oh god, Spike. Anya! She had bitten Anya! Had she killed her? Willow couldn't quite remember. And Angel! He had sired her. Well, Angelus had, technically.
A part of her screamed at the very thought of the vampire that was beside her. A part of her, a horrible, unfamiliar part, revolted against Angel and everything that he was. She felt hate and anger surge through her at the very thought of her Sire, and yet a strange pull toward him at the same time.
Everything seemed like a horrible, hazy dream. She had her soul now. She was sure of that. That painful guilt hadn't been there before then. Oh god, she was dead. Glancing down at her chest, she took a deep breath and held it, noting that not only did her chest not move at all, but she was having no difficulty not breathing.
Grabbing one wrist with the other hand, she felt for a pulse. After several moments of waiting, and feeling nothing, Willow reached up to her neck, her eyes tearing up as she confirmed that her heart was not beating.
Oh god. She was dead. She was dead and evil. Her friends would hate her. Her life was gone, and yet here she still was. It was wrong. All wrong. And Spike. Oh no, no, no. She had left him. She had just left, and she couldn't go back, but, oh god. Did she want to go back? Again, there were those conflicted voices in her head. One was giggling, her arousal rising, at the very thought of him. The other was shaking, memories of everything they had done together filling her mind. Willow, the old Willow, would have been repulsed at every moment. She should have been repulsed. She knew this, and yet, she wasn't. Intrigued, maybe. A little aroused? Most definitely. But strangely enough, not repulsed.
Willow's eyes flickered up again, grazing over Angel's face. She whimpered, feeling those conflicting emotions. She hated him, but she cared about him. He was Angel. Angel had saved her life, but then, he had also left her. Angelus had tortured and killed her, but then, he had been such an attentive sire… until his soul got shoved back into his body, and he ran out on her. But then, he must have been the one to bring her soul back.
Willow ducked her head down with a quiet moan, dropping her forehead to her knees as the voices assaulted her mind. Shaking her head back and forth, trying to make them both shut up, she became aware of the fact that Angel was speaking to her. She had no idea how long he had been talking, her own mind running in a million different directions and not allowing anything else in.
Trying to focus, she was finally able to make out what he was saying.
"Willow, please, look at me. Are you alright?" Willow shook her head slowly, looking toward him but not really at him. "We need to talk," he told her softly, reaching out and gently touching her shoulder.
Willow flinched and pulled away, her eyes darting around the room nervously before settling on him again, and finally really seeing him.
"Angel?" She whispered in a tiny voice, tears slipping down her cheeks. "I don't understand."
"I know," he told her softly, reaching out again. This time, she didn't flinch, but instead fell into his embrace. There was still that part of her that cringed and fought against his touch and the weakness it brought out in her, but the redhead was so exhausted from her internal struggle.
"I'm sorry, Willow," he whispered as he held her tightly. "I'm so sorry."
~Part: 22~
"Have you heard from him yet? Did he find her? How is she? Is she alright?"
Spike stayed in the shadows, up in the loft at The Magic Box, listening as she and Xander spoke.
"Giles talked to him late last night," Buffy told him. "Guess she was as he had expected, but alright, more or less."
"When do we get to see her?" Xander questioned, his voice carrying a hint of desperation.
"Not sure," the Slayer told him. "Angel made it real clear that we would have to wait until she was ready to see us. I mean, think about it, Xander. She killed people. She's a vampire."
"Yeah, but now that she has her soul…"
"Doesn't matter. I mean, WE know that we love and forgive her, but Willow…This is going to be tough for her, you know?"
Xander simply nodded miserably, and Spike turned away, seething with anger and hatred.
They had taken her away. Just as his grand sire had been taken away a century ago, now Willow had been taken away. Actually, thinking about it, Willow had left him. She must have gotten up in the middle of the night and run from him. Spike's mind flickered back to Dru, and her betrayal and deceit. She had left him too. Angelus had left, Dru had left, Willow had left. They all left in the end, didn't they?
Waiting until they left, he headed back to the sewer tunnels. Once back at his crypt, Spike sat, waiting impatiently until the sun set, and he could head out toward a certain redhead's house, suspecting that he would know exactly where to find her, and undoubtedly, his grand sire as well.
~*~
When she had finally calmed a little, the younger vampire turned a little and leaned against her Sire, not looking up toward him, but out into the darkened room. There were blankets covering the windows, which she was sure that Angel had placed there the night before. Despite the deceiving darkness, Willow knew that it was nearly time for the sun to set. Spike would be waking up soon, if he hadn't already, and he would know that she was gone. He would know that she had left.
Feeling the redhead settle against his chest, Angel wrapped his arms around her protectively and stroked his fingers over the soft skin of her arms. His embrace felt strange to her. She felt agitated and calm at the same time; frightened and protected all at once.
Seeing that his childe was deep in thought, Angel leaned down and whispered into her ear. "What are you thinking about, little girl?" His deep, husky voice sent chills up and down her spine, reminding her more of Angelus than Angel, and she turned her head, tilting her eyes up toward him briefly.
"My head's kinda over-filled right now," she told him, her voice small and child-like. "Hard to tell where one thought ends and the next one begins." Angel nodded silently, waiting for her to continue. "This feels strange," she confided, even as she snuggled further against him.
"Strange?" He questioned, starting to pull his arms away. Willow quickly grabbed onto his hands, securing the strong arms around her once more, not nearly ready to let go of the protective embrace just yet.
"It-it feels wrong and right at the same time," she told him, her voice small and unsure. Again, Angel simply nodded. "I-I mean, I feel safe with you, a-and…" her voice trailed off as she struggled to find the correct words.
"Loved?" Angel suggested quietly.
Willow nodded slowly, as if not entirely sure that was the word she had been searching for.
"A-and then, at the same time, I feel like, I know it's wrong, and I- I don't understand. I hate you. I do. A-and there's this-this voice in my head, and-and…"
"Willow," Angel began to explain, "I'm your sire. It's right that you should feel safe and protected with me. We have a bond that is different than any bond you could ever have with anyone else." His mind drifted to a certain blond vampire, but he quickly forced that thought from his head. "On top of that, we're both ensouled, which I'm guessing is adding to it all."
This time, it was Willow who nodded silently, taking in everything he was saying.
"But you have bonded yourself with Spike," Angel added, not able to hide the disapproval in his voice. "I think that's where the conflicting emotions are coming from."
Again, Willow nodded, feeling her eyes fill with tears again at the thought of the blond vampire.
"I belong to him," she whispered, her voice so quiet, Angel barely caught it. The redhead's eyes drifted off again as she thought about her mate. "Or, I did, before the soul, but now…"
"The soul doesn't change the bond, Willow," Angel told her, though he wished that it did.
"I belong to him, and I belong to you," she mumbled to herself. "But- but now, with my soul, I'm not the same, and he won't want me." A sob escaped her lips as her voice cracked with the last of her words.
Angel tightened his embrace around her as the younger vampire held onto his arms with a strong grip.
"Don't be so sure about that, Willow. Spike has a tendency to surprise you," Angel told her. She turned her head around to look up at him again, her eyes wide and wet.
"But you and he…now…he doesn't…" She began, before Angel cut her off.
"That was my doing, Willow. I'm the one that left him. Not the other way around."
Willow nodded slowly, her eyes narrowing, her expression turning dangerous.
"The question is, childe, do you still want to be with him?"
"You left me, as well, Angel," Willow told him in a low, angry voice, ignoring his question. The redhead pulled away from him quickly and glared at him. "You took everything away, you promised me the world, and then you left me, alone."
"Willow, I…" he began, not entirely sure what he could possibly say to that. "I left, I know, but…"
"No!" She shouted harshly, standing up. "You left me, Angel. You rejected me, just like you rejected Spike. A-and I thought it was because of me. I thought that I had done something wrong. Spike did too, you know. He still does. But I was always the smart one, wasn't I?" She gave him a cold smile as she spoke. "I get it now. It was never about me. It was about you. It's always been about you! You and your damned self-loathing. Why should I think that you would ever accept me, when you can't even accept yourself? What do you hate more, Angel? The demon that plagues your mind, or the soul that never lets it rest?"
Angel didn't have an answer for that, and it was probably better for him that way. He was beginning to think that there was no way he would ever be able to make this right.
Willow glared at him, hatred glinting in her eyes before they slowly began to soften. She was tired and weak and enraged all at once. Her mind was a maze of thoughts and confusion, but one name echoed over and over. Spike. She wanted him and she needed him, but Willow suspected that now, the vampire would have nothing to do with her. She wouldn't blame him, really, but she had to try. She had to tell him, to let him know that she still loved him, even if he threw her out without a care in the world.
Angel tried to get up, to follow the redhead as she retreated toward the door, but she quickly spun around and held up a hand. "Down!" She yelled. "Stay."
Angel fell back onto the bed, realizing that he was unable to move.
"Willow..."
"I love him, Angel," she told him. "I do. I love him, with my demon and with my soul. I love him."
"Yeah, I figured that," he replied sadly, sighing before adding, "Have you tried not to?"
Willow walked toward the door and opened it slowly, before turning to look back at her Sire. "Haven't you?" She asked, a small, cruel smile slipping across her lips.
~Part: 23~
Willow made her way toward Spike's crypt, uneasy and unsure of what to say or do. Upon hesitantly entering the small building and climbing down into the cave below, she realized that he wasn't there. Having no idea where he might have gone, and not being terribly eager to press forth with what was coming, the redhead decided to sit and wait for him to return.
~*~
Spike stalked toward Willow's house, anger, hatred and betrayal radiating from him in waves. It was a dangerous combination, which more than one unlucky Sunnydale citizen had already discovered the hard way.
As he reached the house, Spike could feel the newly borrowed blood pumping through his veins, as if his pulse was really pounding. He could smell his grand sire, clear and present, along with his mate, though her scent was considerably less prominent.
Spike made his way to her bedroom and threw open the door, glaring at the vampire he found on the other side.
"You bloody bastard," he growled, startling Angel.
"Spike. Listen…" Angel began to try to reason with the blond. He could feel the effects of Willow's spell beginning to wane, though he was still unable to move from the bed and had no way to defend himself against the younger vampire.
"No! You listen to me!" Spike yelled, grabbing a nearby chair and smashing in on the floor. Angel winced and shrugged his head back as much as possible, as wood splitters exploded through out the room. Spike reached down and grabbed a broken leg, holding the sharp edge outward toward his grand sire.
"I'm done, Angel," Spike told him, taking a menacing step toward the immobile vampire, holding the makeshift stake up. "I'm done competing with you. I'm done playing all the little games. It's always about you, isn't it? Angel's gotta get to everything first, doesn't he? Had to have Dru first, and look what you did with her. Fucked her up right good. Can't so much as think straight thanks to her daddy," Spike growled, the last word ground out through clenched teeth.
"The slayer has been nothin but a fucking thorn in me side, thanks in part to you. I get that bloody chip shoved in me head, and do you try to help me out? Course not. Just turn your back, same as you always done."
Angel began to open his mouth to protest, but Spike took another step toward him, waving the stake over his head, effectively silencing the older vampire.
"You gotta go bite a gypsy, get yourself all good and cursed, and then run away from us, as if we're the tainted ones, as if we done something wrong, as if WE were an abomination! And then when you came back, the first time, you were a right bastard, Angel. What you done…"
"I know," Angel admitted quietly, guilt covering his features.
"Shut. Up!" Spike yelled, kicking the bed frame hard before reaching over and gripping a lamp, smashing it against a wall. "I'm talking now! Willow! You had to go and fuck with her, didn't you? Didn't you! You had to fuck up her mind, just like Dru. Play all your damned games till she was good and broken. And then who did she come running to, huh? Who do they always come running to? Me! Only this time, your precious little childe wasn't quite so insane as I'm sure you had hoped, was she? Oh sure, she turns half way round the bend time and again, but she's still there, and she's still sharp as a knife. Damn bit smarter than you, I'd wager. And she was cunning, and strong and brilliant and beautiful and MINE! She was mine, and you just couldn't stand that, could you?"
Spike took another step toward the cowering vampire, Angel gasping for unneeded breath as Spike continued on.
"You just couldn't stand that she would choose me over you, could you? So you had to go and take away the one thing that was mine. You had to fucking curse her with a soul, to make her like you, to make her run back to her daddy again, that it? Well congratulations, Angel, you did it. You got your wish. Your little redhead has come running back, on bended knee no doubt, just begging to service her precious sire." Spike grimaced at the mental picture that he had just painted himself and fought back the hurt and pain he was feeling. Tears would come later. Now, it was time for vengeance.
"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't stake your sorry ass right now," Spike growled.
Angel swallowed hard, looking up at his grand childe with pain- filled brown eyes.
"Because she doesn't want me," Angel told him. "She loves you. She's gone back to you, Spike. Willow chooses you."
"Like hell!" Spike yelled, moving closer to the brunette with a menacing growl. "Don't lie to me! I know she was here, with you! She left me to go running back to you!" This time there was no hiding the hurt in his voice.
"She was here," Angel agreed, "but she left. She'll be coming back to you, Spike. She will."
Not entirely sure of what to make of this, Spike took a step back, glaring at the other vampire. "Why should I believe you?"
"She's not here," Angel reasoned. "She left me immobilized here, to go out searching for you, didn't she?"
Finally, Spike turned away, dropping the stake to the floor and walking toward the door. Just before he walked out, he heard Angel speaking again.
"Spike, for whatever it's worth, I'm sorry that…"
Angel never got the chance to finish, as Spike immediately pounced on him, grabbing him by the collar and hauling him up, before landing three solid punches to the face. Dropping the older vampire back to the bed carelessly, Spike turned and stormed out, pausing for just a moment and not bothering to turn around.
"Way too little, Angel, way too late. Go to hell."
~Part: 24~
Willow was curled up on the bed, facing the wall. The mattress was soft and comforting, but she wasn't entirely sure that was what she wanted just then. Spike was hard and jagged, and that was where she felt right. Soft was foreign, and she couldn't remember if that was something she preferred of not.
Her thoughts ran through her mind, like confused, blind mice, traveling through a maze. Finally, she sat up on the edge of the bed, far enough away from its comfort to be safe for the moment. She bit her nails nervously and held her head, trying to stop the battling voices. Good verses evil, the ultimate battle, right there in her pretty little head, and she couldn't make it stop. Be a good girl, be a bad girl, she wasn't sure which she would rather give into, which would be easier. It was all so muddled now.
The demon screamed at her for being so weak and pathetic. The other Willow, the one that was just recently shoved back into that cold body, huddled into a ball, whimpering and begging the demon to stop. The thoughts of what it begged her to do made her sick, and Willow wondered briefly if it was possible for a vampire to vomit, suspecting with increasing certainty that it was.
She was never this weak as a human. In fact, at certain moments, in certain light, she had been down right courageous. The picture of strength and heroism. This, however, was not one of those times.
Walking into the crypt, Spike knew immediately that she was there, and let out a sigh as he reached the bottom of the ladder.
"So, she returns."
Willow jumped and spun around, startled by the older vampire.
`I'm not going to cry, I'm not going to cry,' she repeated mentally, over and over.
`Damn right you're not going to cry. You will NOT regress to THAT again,' the demon with in her raged. She shut her eyes tightly, shaking her head, begging them both to stop.
Spike watched her, disturbed at how much she resembled Dru at that moment, and the anger welled up inside of him again. Damn Angelus, always rendering the women he loved completely insane. He might have been too late for Dru, but he'd be damned or, well, damned again, if he was going to lose Willow now.
"Spike," she began.
"Come back to collect your belongings, Red? Wanted one last chance to tell me how I disgust you?" He questioned. He remembered what Angel had said, that she had left him for Spike, but he certainly didn't trust his grand sire, and after all the lies and betrayal in his past, Spike wasn't willing to take chances.
"Spike, I-I'm so…"
"Don't say it! Don't you dare tell me that you're sorry," he growled. "I won't hear that! Not from you."
"Spike…"
"Why. Are. You. Here?" He ground out.
"I needed to see you," she admitted, quietly.
"That right? And why would that be? You're all pure and soul-having again. Got your friends back. Got your sweet, little Angel. Got everything you want, I'd say."
She was both completely surprised by and fully expecting what he had just said. On one hand, she wasn't expecting him to be so open about his own fears. On the other hand, she did expect him to think no less than that she would abandon him for Angel once the soul was back. This is how she knew…knew that he wasn't aware of who he was talking to. He didn't understand, and she began to realize that there was only one being on the earth that could understand, and she wasn't too keen on seeing her Sire again any time soon.
Willow shook her head, tears filling her eyes. "I want you," she whispered.
"Why would you leave me, abandon ME, if you want me?" He yelled.
"I was afraid," she admitted.
"Afraid of what, exactly," he questioned, clearing not totally believing her yet.
"That you wouldn't want me, like this, with this," she clutched her shirt, her hand over her chest, "I didn't want you to see me this way," she told him, tears slipping down her cheeks. "All caring and weak and full of guilt," she spat out in distaste. "I'm-I'm damaged. Why would you want this?"
"Willow," he started, walking toward her, his voice softening. He let out a deep sigh before reaching out and cupping her chin, tilting her face to look up at him. "You're asking that of a vampire that wasn't even able to bite before you came along."
"But this, Spike, it's different. I'm different. I'm not your Willow, and I'm not their Willow. I'm lost in between and I-I don't know what to do."
Raising a hand up to her face, Spike saw her flinch, thinking that he intended to strike her, but instead he slowly reached out and caressed the faint bite mark on her neck.
"Doesn't this mean anything to you?" He questioned.
"Does it mean anything to you, now?" She asked. "This mark, you gave it to someone I no longer am."
"You're still you, Willow," he assured her, "and you still belong to me, no matter what."
The redhead smiled slightly at his words, thinking maybe he did understand. Maybe he could help her, maybe he did want her, the new her, even if she was a bit defective.
"I didn't think with the soul, you would want me. It-I'm not strong, and…"
"Red, you're talking to a vampire who wasn't even able to feed himself properly, and had to turn to the slayer for help," he told her, his voice full of disgust at the mention of the slayer. "You are strong. Now all we have to do is find a way to rid you of that pesky soul, and…"
Her face fell and she blocked out the rest of this words as she realized that he didn't understand. He didn't understand at all, and now, not for the first time, she was completely alone.
~Part: 25~
"When are they coming?"
"Soon, Xander."
"Well, when is soon? Can't you be a little more specific, Giles?"
"I don't know exactly. He just said they'd be here soon."
"But she is coming?"
"Yes, Xander."
"And Spike is coming with her?"
"Yes, Xander." Giles let out a heavy sigh, trying to remain patient. He knew that the young man was nervous, with good reason. Willow was coming to see them. She had her soul but was still with Spike. Angel had filled them in on that much. Just what her state of mind was or how she would react to seeing them, though, no one was sure.
"Well, I for one don't understand why you're so excited," Anya complained. Xander glared at her. "Well, I mean, she nearly killed you."
"That was before, Anya," Xander reasoned. "She has her soul now. Things are different."
"Yes, but what does that mean, exactly? Different how? Okay, so she probably won't try to eat me again, but is she going to be all sweet and chummy like before, or is she going to be like a female version of Angel? She still has that demon inside of her, not to mention all that lovely new guilt brought on by maiming and killing dozens, and biting into the necks of perfectly innocent former demons."
"Anya," Xander began, his voice holding a hint of warning.
"She's right." Everyone spun around, hearing Willow's voice from the doorway.
"Sorry," the redhead apologized with a sheepish grin, "didn't mean to be all lurky."
"Willow," Giles greeted her. "Come in, please."
The redhead entered the shop, followed closely by Spike, who was glaring at the small group.
"Will," Buffy said with a smile, taking a step toward the redhead. Willow turned toward the slayer, confused by the mixture of emotions that stirred at the near proximity of her natural enemy. Before she had a chance to say anything, though, Xander ran toward her, startling the vampire as he grabbed her, hugging her tightly.
Not expecting the sudden embrace, Willow's demon visage slipped forward and she let out a snarl as she pulled away from her former best friend. Xander stumbled backwards, staring at her with a mixture of shock and fear.
Willow backed away, turning her face from his gaze, willing it to return to her human mask. This was the last thing she wanted to happen. She couldn't bear for them to see her like this.
"No, no, no, no, no," she began to mumble, as she shook her head back and forth, over and over, her eyes shut tightly. She couldn't look at them. She couldn't stand the looks of disgust that she knew would be on their faces.
Spike stepped up to the redhead as the others looked in stunned silence. Very slowly, the older vampire reached out and pulled her toward him, caressing the ridges on her face. Teary golden eyes glanced up at him and he smiled softly.
"Shhhh," he cooed, stroking her face. "It's alright, luv. Just calm down."
His voice was soothing as he continued to quietly murmur and stroke her face, wiping the tears away as they fell. She still felt a certain undeniable distance between her and the older vampire, knowing that the soul was a big orange road block for both of them, but Willow allowed herself the comfort of his embrace just the same.
"I can't do this," she whispered, her tone desperate.
"You can, Willow," he told her, conviction in his voice. "You're strong. You can do this."
The young vampire simply shook her head before burying it in his chest, everyone else in the room momentarily forgotten.
"Willow, listen to me," Spike said, his voice more stern but still quiet. Gripping her shoulders, he took a step back so that he could look at her face. "You can, and you will do this. Understand?" The redhead slowly nodded, sniffling and wiping away the steams of tears before shifting back into her human visage.
Turning back around, Willow looked toward Xander, whose face held a mixture of emotions. To her surprise, though, none of them included disgust. Pain, fear and sadness. This was what she saw, and it hurt to know that she was the cause of it.
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I didn't mean…"
"No, Willow," Xander interrupted. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…I mean, I should have known that…I'm sorry."
Willow looked back up toward Spike, as if asking what to do next. He simply looked toward the slayer and watcher who were standing nearby.
Giles cleared his throat before speaking. "It's, uh, good to see you, Willow," he told her. Willow simply nodded and looked toward the blonde next to him.
"Buffy?" Willow wasn't sure what to say to her former friend. They were enemies now. She could feel it in every fiber of her being.
"Willow, I…" Buffy began to speak, taking a step toward her. Willow quickly back away, stumbling into Spike, who wrapped an arm around her in reassurance.
"Buffy, I'm sorry," Willow told her, shrinking further back into the blond behind her. "I'm so sorry, about everything, and I…"
"Willow, stop. You have nothing to apologize for," Buffy told her sincerely, trying to avoid looking at the blond vampire.
"Excuse me," Anya interrupted them. "Buffy, what do you mean she has nothing to apologize for? She killed people. She hurt people. She bit me!"
Xander moved toward Anya, trying to quiet her, but Willow held up a hand, biting her lip in an attempt to hold back her tears.
"She's right. I did, and Anya, I'm so sorry."
"Yeah, well, sorry doesn't take this scar away from my neck, now does it?" The former demon said scornfully. Willow simply looked down at the floor, not sure of what to say. Anya was scared, and when she got scared, she got defensive, but she was right too, and Willow knew it.
"Anya, I think that…" Giles began to speak, before being cut off.
"No! She did bad things, and you all want to pretend like none of it happened. But it did happen, and no matter how much you want to pretend that it's not true, the demon is still in there. You know it's true. You just saw it," Anya argued, glaring at Xander.
The brunette opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. She was right. No matter how much he wanted to pretend that the soul made the demon disappear, he knew now that it didn't really work that way. She was still dead and still a demon, and nothing would ever change that.
Willow glanced from Xander to Buffy and Giles, waiting for someone to argue the point, but knowing that no one would. No one could. Anya was right. She was a demon. She was evil, and she always would be.
Turning back to Spike, she looked up at him with watery eyes. "Can we leave now?" She asked, her voice barely a whispered. Spike simply nodded, casting a final glare at the silent group, before wrapping an arm around the redhead and walking away.
~Part: 26~
"Come here, pet," Spike growled lowly, after they had reached the cave below the crypt, and grabbed her hand, pulling her in to him. Leaning down, he nuzzled the mark on her neck, as Willow stared blankly at the wall behind him.
"Spike," she began to speak, though her words came out as little more that a hoarse whisper.
The blond vampire ignored her and began to trail kisses up and down her neck, starting off with slow, delicate brushes of his lips across her skin. As he made his way from shoulder to ear, and then back again, the gentle kisses slowly turned to sucking and nipping.
"Love you so much, baby," he whispered to her.
Willow remained unmoving, staring at the dark wall, her mind swirling with thoughts and emotions. He loved her. He loved her as a demon, but the soul, that was something else entirely. That was something he could tolerate until they found a way to remove it. She knew he wanted it gone, and that thought broke her unbeating heart. Her soul was who she was, and while a part of her knew that not having it would make everything so much easier, Willow still couldn't imagine it being gone again.
Angel had a soul, and he was a good vampire. He helped people. He didn't hurt anyone, and he didn't cause pain and fear, and he also didn't feel happiness. Not even one moment of happiness. That thought scared her most of all. She knew that Giles had altered the curse so that it was permanently bonded, so she supposed that she didn't really have to be like her Sire. She could be happy and still keep her soul. That raised another question in her mind. Was there really any way to remove the soul, and if not, would Spike truly accept her as is?
Beyond that was the thoughts of her friends. They wanted to accept her and to love her, but deep down, they all knew that things had changed. She was no longer fighting along with them. She was what they fought against, and even if she did have the soul, and even if she did not pose a threat, she would always be separated, always be in the dark.
"A little active participation here would be greatly appreciated," Spike whispered, interrupting her thoughts as he began to unbutton her shirt. Willow looked up at him, as if she had forgotten that he was there, and Spike attempted to appear unhurt.
"Sorry," she mumbled, still looking completely uninterested.
The blond let out a frustrated sigh and stepped back, sitting on the bed and pulling the redhead down onto his lap.
"Crowded in there, I'd wager," he mused, caressing her temple. Willow nodded slightly, biting her lower lip and looking down at the ground.
"Willow, look at me, luv," Spike beckoned, tilting her chin up again. "What is it?" He could see her mind spinning and wondered exactly what she was thinking.
"What if you can't get rid of it?" She asked, her voice breaking before leaving her throat. Spike gave her a confused, questioning look. "The soul," she clarified. "What if you can't get rid of it? Giles said that he made it permanent, and to be completely honest, I- I'm not all that sure that I want it gone."
Willow watched his face, trying to gage his reaction to what she was saying. He sat for several moments, taking in what she had said, before responding.
"Willow, I just assumed that you wouldn't want it. Just doesn't seem natural, but if you do…"
"I don't know!" She sobbed, tears slipping from her eyes. "I hate it. All that pain and guilt and-and…but at the same time, it's me, you know? And I just-I just don't know."
The redhead buried her face in the older vampire's chest, and Spike wrapped his arms around her tightly. He had some suspicions that Willow might not want to give up the soul once she had it, but had hoped that after tonight, she would reconsider. He hated to see her so sad and in such pain, and in the back of him mind, fear lingered. It would only be a matter of time until she couldn't handle this anymore. It would only be a matter of time until his demon, his killing, his unsouled evil became too much for her, and she ran away. And Spike knew exactly to whom she would run. Angel.
It made sense, really, that she would go to him. He was the only one that would truly understand her. They had a bond that no one else could share, and that thought made Spike seethe with anger. When all of her little friends were dead and gone, the poof would still be around, still pretending to be all good and moral, deep down hating himself and all he was.
"Willow," he began to speak after she had calmed down a bit. "Luv, I just want you. Whether that's with the soul or without, I still want you," he told her, despising the desperation in his voice.
Willow looked at him in surprise. "Really?"
Spike rolled his eyes and let out a sigh. "Yes, really. I'm not going to lie. I'd very much prefer you without the soul. You're bloody magnificent when you're evil, but even still, I'll take a souled Willow to no Willow at all."
"I don't even know if there is a way to remove it," she confided. "And I just don't know what I want. It's so hard, the guilt, but…"
"I know, luv," he interrupted, before claiming her lips with his own in a gentle yet insistent kiss, hoping to drive away the troubling thoughts, even if only for a little while.
Willow felt herself melt into the blond vampire as he deepened the kiss, wrapping his arms around her tightly.
Feeling the redhead's lips part as she sighed, Spike took the opportunity to allow his tongue to explore her mouth, tangling and dancing with her own. Suddenly he jumped, feeling a fang scrap against his bottom lip, and the blond pulled back, licking at the drops of blood oozing from the small knick.
Spike glared at her with a sly grin. Willow readily returned a grin of her own. "Even with my soul, I can still be a little evil," she told him, her voice low and sultry.
The older vampire let out a low growl before lifting the redhead off of his lap, and tossing her onto the bed, pinning her down before she even knew what was happening. In one motion, Spike had her shirt ripped open and was trailing kisses from her collarbone to her waist. Willow squirmed beneath him, desperate for more than the feathery light kisses that she was receiving. He seemed to still insist on treating her like a fragile flower, instead of the demon that still lurked inside, and her frustration was ever growing.
Finally, unable to take anymore, Willow used every bit of strength in her, and suddenly flipped them over, straddling a startled blond's hips, grinding into him as she smiled triumphantly.
Following Spike's lead, the redhead quickly removed his shirt and began to tease him in much the same way that he had teased her, her long red hair trailing along his smooth, pale skin as she kissed her way down his body.
Spike gasped and bucked up as Willow reached his bellybutton and swirled her tongue around it. He felt her unbuttoning his pants and inching them lower on his hips, as her tongue traveled further down, never going quite far enough to satisfy.
After a few more minutes of teasing, the older vampire decided it was time to remind her who was in charge, and quickly flipped them back over, once again straddling the small vampire, pinning her arms above her head.
Willow gasped and arched up, as Spike took one rosy nipple into his mouth and sucked, biting down on the hardened nub. A moment later, he repeated the reaction on the other breast, his hands skimming down her bare arms and to her waist, where they made short work of the clasp on her jeans. In one swift movement, he had the rest of her clothing removed, and leaned over her, capturing her quivering lips with his own as he ground his denim clad erection into her.
"Spike, please," she begged, trying to pull his pants away, desperate to have the offending fabric gone. She whimpered as he pulled away, and watched with lust filled eyes, as he quickly shucked his pants, tossing them to the ground.
In the next instant, he was upon her again, and slid inside of her with one fluid motion. Willow keened as she felt him enter her, and immediately wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling the blond in closer, desperate to feel every inch of him against her.
As Spike began a slow, teasing rhythm within her, Willow closed her eyes and gripped his shoulders tightly. This, right here, was heaven for her. This was it. It was all she needed. Spike loved her, and she belonged to him, and nothing else mattered.
Silently, the redhead made a plea to her goddess, to keep her here, in this moment, at all costs.
As the blond vampire began to speed up his movements, neither he nor Willow noticed the light blue mist that began to surround them. A few moments later, Willow was crying out as wave after wave of ecstasy washed over her. She felt Spike bite into her neck and shudder as she shook around him, and heard him murmuring incoherently to her as he licked the wound.
The older vampire moved to the side and settled down next to her, wrapping his arms around her tightly, as Willow rested her head on his chest and closed her eyes. A feeling of perfect contentment washed over her, and the very last thing that she could recall was calm serenity as a part of her drifted away.
~Part: 27~
Angel sat in a dark room, brooding in the silence of the large, empty mansion. He needed to get back to L.A. There was no reason left for him to stay, and he knew it, but a part of him was still reluctant to leave.
Hearing the front door open, the vampire turned in his chair, eyes widening as he saw Willow walk in. Angel quickly stood up and took a few steps toward the redhead, as she walked toward him tentatively, uncertainty in her eyes.
"Willow?" He wasn't sure why she was there. Was it possible that she had changed her mind? Could she possibly be choosing him over Spike? His dead heart soared at the very thought.
"Angel." She gave him a small, warm smile a she stepped up to him. "I had to come and see you. I need to tell you something."
Angel gave her a look, urging her on. "Angel, I've been thinking, a lot. I saw Buffy and Xander. I'm guessing you already knew that."
The older vampire nodded. Buffy had told him about the meeting. "Heard it didn't go over very well."
Willow shook her head. "They'll never be able to accept me. Not fully. Just like they were never able to accept you." She saw the pain in his eyes and continued on. "I figured something out, though, Angel." Willow took a step closer, letting her hand lightly run over his, playing idly with his fingers. "Just because they will never accept me, it doesn't mean that I can never accept me, and I do… accept me, just as I am, evil and all."
Willow gave him a soft smile and Angel wondered at exactly where this was going. He felt her hand playing with his, her fingers so much smaller. She looked up at him with childlike eyes and it caused his heart to ache.
"Willow…"
"Wait," she stopped him, placing a finger against his lips. "Not done." She gave him a reproving look before smiling slightly again. "I am what I am, Angel, just as you are. We can't change that. You're my sire, and I love you. You have your soul, and I love that part of you too. I want you, need you, in my life."
Willow saw the look of hope enter his brown eyes and tried to keep from smiling. "Spike does too," she added, not able to completely keep the smirk from her face. "He may not be willing to admit it, but he wants you in his life as well. We both do. We want you, Angel, the demon and the soul, for eternity."
Angel felt his eyes water as he heard her words. They wanted him. Willow and Spike, both of them, wanting him and needed him and accepted him, all of him. It was too much for him to comprehend, and the vampire felt waves of happiness wash over him. He had never thought the day would come when either of the other vampires would ever accept him into their lives again. And now, to hear Willow telling him this, Angel never though he would feel so completely and utterly content and whole.
Suddenly, and just a moment too late, the older vampire felt a horribly familiar burning sensation in his chest, and doubled over, falling to his knees, grasping his chest desperately.
"Angel?" Willow asked, looking down in concern.
"Willow, oh god," he croaked, barely able to speak. The pain torn through him and he knew exactly what was happening.
"Angel, what's wrong?" The redhead questioned, a look of complete innocence on her face.
"Willow, you need to go, before it's gone, before I lose my…"
"Soul?" She supplied, no longer trying to hide the cruel, taunting smile, allowing it to slip across her features. "Well, I think it's a little late for that."
Angel looked up at her in confusion. He didn't understand what was happening.
"Come on, Angel," she said with a sugary sweet smile. "It isn't all that hard to understand. It's not like you haven't been through this before. Moment of happiness, soul goes bye-bye."
"But, I didn't…"
"Spike was right. It was easier than I thought it would be. Spout out a few words about love and acceptance, and you'd be over come with happiness. Kind of pathetic, don't you think?"
Angel looked up at the redhead, pain and betrayal etched on his face. "Why would you…"
"Why?" She asked incredulously, laughing cruelly. "Oh, how could your sweet little Willow do such a thing," she taunted in mock horror.
"But your soul," he whispered, still grasping at his chest.
"Oh, right, that. Turns out I wasn't the only one who thought that was a bad idea. One little prayer and the Goddess removed it. Neat, huh? As for the why, well Daddy, I think you can figure that out. You turned me and then you left me. You took my sire away when he was the one thing that mattered to me. Then, I found Spike."
At those words, the blond vampire stepped out of the shadows and walked up behind the redhead, wrapping an arm around her waist and kissing her deeply.
"And he was more of a demon than you ever could be," Willow told a still dazed and confused Angel. "Now, I'm returning the favor, and taking away the one thing that matters to you, your soul."
Willow smiled cruelly as she looked down at her sire, comprehension washing over him. "Poetic justice, don't you think?" She asked, before turning toward Spike and kissing him deeply.
After finally pulling away, Willow gave one last glance toward the gasping vampire at her feet.
"Bored now," she said in a sing-song voice.
"Ready to go, luv?" Spike asked, completely ignoring Angel.
Willow nodded. "There's nothing left for me here," she told him, entangling her fingers with his as they turned to walk away, hand in hand, leaving Angel behind as his soul was slowly ripped away.
"You know, pet, I didn't appreciate you saying all that stuff to the bastard about me wanting and needing him," Spike told her, his voice a mixture of scolding and humor as they walked out the door.
"You can punish me for it later," she whispered with a sly grin, before pausing to kick the door shut with a slam.
The End