Fic- Missing the Feeling (1/?)
Author- SpikeWillow aka Jenny
Distribution- Anyone!
Disclaimer- Do I in any way look like Joss? I think not!
Rating- Varies between PG - PG-16
Couples- W/S and B/X in later parts.
Authors Note/Summary- OK, I've had this idea forever and now I'm finally writing it! It's a little complicated so hopefully this will help.
OK, Willow and Spike had a relationship in the summer with everyone objected to and after awhile Spike realized that demons where plotting against him using Willow so he decided to do a spell which would make everyone forget their relationship, except him. This takes place three years after and
involves flashbacks and an interesting plot! Easy enough?

Also, flashbacks start and end with << >>

***

Its wrong to love you, of that I am sure
But the problem is that this love has no cure
I'd tell you and go on to see you every day
Knowing that you don't see me in the same way
That in my mind I can see your face
Of us together in some far away place
I can't have you though I wish I could
I love you more than I know I should
        -Probably Not, Poem, Gina Cutlip

***

Spike watched as the raindrops fell one after another onto the windshield of
his Desoto. He couldn't believe that he was looking at Sunnydale, a place he
had vowed to never return to, a place that held to many memories. Memories
which Spike only remembered, memories that could not return to anyone else.

Which is why he left in the first place. That, and the fact that whenever he
looked Willow's way he was bombarded with the memories of her, memories
he so wanted to be reality. He drove off and started examining the town on
his way to the mansion.

The streets where now fully lit and every building looked well kept up. Spike
smiled, reminding himself to visit Joyce and compliment her on a job well
done as Mayor. When he stopped in front of the mansion he noticed that not much
had change and silently thanked Joyce for leaving it untouched, of course it
had been a special request of his.

Taking his bag from the back seat, he ran for the house. Inside, he shook
the rain out of his hair and looked around for the light switch, blessing
every god that it worked, he didn't want to have to mess with the electric company
and let the slayer know he was in town.

Yet.

***

Willow jumped up as lighting struck out. She touched her face and frowned
when she felt keys prints indented into her cheek. She turned off her
computer, went upstairs, got changed and laid down on her bed. She knew she shouldn't be
so engrossed in her work, but she couldn't help it!

She had graduated the year before from college and was student teaching at
Sunnydale High this year for a computer class. Something she had dreamed
about and wanted for years.

Of course, she never dreamed that she would be watching Xander marry Buffy
in two months or waiting for Amy (and Graham's) baby to be arriving shortly.
She was 23 and everyone else was moving on with their lives, while she was so
stuck in hers. She had few dates in the past three years, but none of them
could live up to her expectations.

She looked out her window and wondered why she was so picky, why couldn't
she just find a man that she was interested in? Why couldn't she be happy
like all of her friends? Why was she so doomed when it came to love? She fell
asleep with whys plaguing her.

***

Willow smiled as Buffy came out in her wedding dress, which was now
completely done. It was tight at the top to just below her chest, a line of
little flowers, then it puffed out with sequence on top of silky white material to
her toes. She looked like a model.

"What do you think?" Buffy asked nervously, fidgeting with her hair.

"What do I think?" Willow tried to look as if she was actually considering
her answer. "I think that when Xander sees you, he's going to have to keep from
drooling." Buffy rewarded her with a huge smile and a hug.

"This is just….I've been waiting for this day my entire life, ya know?" Buffy
asked looking in the mirror. "I want everything to be perfect."

"It will be! Trust me, Buffy, you're going to have the best wedding ever!"

"I hope so." Buffy said hopefully. "I better take this off, we're supposed to
meet Xander in a half an hour!" As she ran to the dressing room, she missed
Willow's disappointed look.

***

Spike looked around the Watchers' place, noting how nothing had changed.
Except for the slight hint of a women's touch that he knew Joyce added since
they had gotten married; something which Spike was all to happy about, they
seemed to complete each other. Giles came into the room carrying a mug of
blood and handed it to Spike.

"When did you get back?" Giles asked, worried about the reaction Willow would
have to the vampire's reappearance, she had taken it quiet hard when he had
left. The two had built an incredible friendship, and Spike leaving might
have damaged that permanently.

"Last night," Spike replied sipping at his drink, "thought I'd drop by and
see what's happening."

"Oh, well it's good to see you, how's L.A.?" Giles said, taking his mind off of
the young redheaded witch.

"It's all right, Peaches broods less and Darla seems to be making a good
recovery." After Angel had given Darla her soul back, it had taken them years
to be able to trust her and now she seemed to be productful, even helping
with the clients.

"Good, I'm glad Darla is an allay instead of an enemy." Just as Giles was
about to continue, the door busted open and Willow, Xander and Buffy. They
all froze in the doorway as Spike turned around.

"'Ello Mates." Spike drawled out as he gave Willow a once over, awed at how
she had grown up but still carried the same innocence that he loved.

"Fangless, good to have you back." Xander said sarcastically. "Dead boy get
sick and tired of you yet?" He plopped down on a chair, pulling Buffy onto
his lap.

"Quite the opposite actually. I needed to get away from him and that damn
sire of his." Spike looked back at Willow, who was still standing in the
doorway. "Red." He said, standing up.

"Spike." Willow said tentatively before hugging Spike tight. "I missed you."
She whispered in his ear.

"Missed you too." He whispered back. They stood like that for a while, Spike
remembering how good it felt to have his witch in his arms and Willow
wondering why it felt so good to be held by Spike.

**

Willow laughed a little louder then she meant to as Spike finished his tale
about how Angel and Darla had "conquered" the slime demon. Apparently, slime
was not only their names and the two vampires where covered in it, not to
mention the smell that lasted for days.

Spike looked over at Willow's laughing form and was blown away at how much
beauty she had gained over the past few years. The face he was looking at was
one that had haunted him for the past three years, all those memories in
which he only had.

He remembered the first time he looked into her eyes and realized that he
was, without a doubt, in love with her more then life itself.

**

<<Sunnydale Summer 2000>>

Willow screamed once again as the vampire grabbed her hair and threw her onto
the ground. Kicking him in the chest and pushing him away, she tried crawling
out of his grasp; he grabbed her arm once again and exposed her neck to him.

Willow closed her eyes tight as she felt the vampires cold breath on her neck
and waited for the bite. When it didn't come Willow opened her eyes and found
Spike holding a stake and a pile of dust by his feet.

"Are you ok luv?" Spike asked tenderly as he took in Willow's expression.
Shock, fear and something else that he couldn't get.

"F-f-fine." She said shakily as she tried to walk away from Spike. "He was…I
tried to…"

"It's all right," Spike said tenderly as he picked up the petite witch in his
arms, "he won't hurt you anymore. I promise."

**

"Spike? SPIKE!!!!" Willow yelled as the vampire shook his head, trying to
push whatever he was thinking about away. "You ok?" She asked as she touched
his arm, feeling a little shook when her skin made contact with his.

Spike felt it too and immediately took his hand away. "Fine." He said
standing up. "Just need some fresh air and a smoke, that's all."

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