~*~*~
I stare out the windows of the car, my thoughts just as dark as the
highway I watch flash by. There was no looking back now. After tonight
everything would be known. My secret revealed. I only hoped I could
live with the consequences - hoped my friends could deal with the choices
I've made.
I squeezed the hand of the blond haired man beside me, and he smiled.
My love, my lover, my mate. Was he worth the pain this would bring?
Definitely. I turned back to the window, thinking of how I got to this
point.
***
I guess it started when he kidnapped me last year. I know for sure thats
when I first noticed him as something other than a monster. He seemed to
care so much about Drusilla. So much compassion for that undead bitch
and it broke my heart. I wanted to do the spell for him - wanted him to
be
happy even though he would have glady seen me dead. But he never came
back. I didnt get to do the spell and I thought that would be the last
time we ever saw him.
Imagine my shock when he burst into my dorm many months later, threatening
to bite me. And when he couldnt...was I relieved? In a way. On the
other hand I was disappointed. Oz had hurt me by leaving. Spike ending
that pain would have been a blessing. But he couldnt. Those jerks at the
Initiative had taken away his 'bite'. Comforting him on not being able
to kill me didn't even seem too preposterous at the time. We talked. And
then
he was gone, and Buffy and some of those stupid commandos were there
fighting. I only hoped to see him again.
The next time I saw him he was in chains in Giles' house. Some part
of me was outraged that we were treating him like that. But I held my peace.
Wouldnt do for the Slayer's 'pet hacker' to be taking pity on a vampire.
Even when the creature in question was obviously not a threat to anyone!
When the others would leave, he and I would talk - about life, unlife,
anything and everything. We put on a good show to the rest of the gang
though - acting like we couldnt stand each other.
We kissed the first day they stopped chaining him up. It was an accident
really. We were sitting on the couch, talking. He said something about
being ticklish and I couldnt resist. My own 'tickle-pire'! He laughed
as I tickled his sides and grabbed onto my hands, trying to make me stop.
We fell
back and suddenly our lips were pressed together. Cold and warm, total
opposites. But it felt so right and neither one of us seemed to want to
stop. We barely managed to pull apart before the others returned. I
hoped no one would notice how flustered I was. I shouldnt have worried
- they
were too busy with their own lives to notice little old me.
It went on like that for the longest time. Talking and kissing whenever
we could get a moment alone, still acting indifferent to each other in
front of
my friends. I knew they wouldn't understand if I told them. Buffy could
date vampires. Xander could date anything that walked. But Willow dating
someone even remotely evil? Well let's just say Spike would be a pile
of dust before I could bat an eye. I couldnt even tell Angel - my number
one
confidant, for fear that he'd order his childe to stay away from me.
So we met in secret, cherishing what we could get.
Then Spike moved into his crypt. I still remember the first night -
our first time. The only light he had was some candles. We placed them
around
the room, their light making the dark crypt seem romantic in a weird
way.
His hands had been like ice as they lightly rubbed the bare part of
my arm, his tongue teasing my lips open. And when he had pulled back to
look in
my eyes I had seen soemthing I only dreamed about - love. He didnt
say the words and neither did I, how we felt about each other was understood
in one look.
Buffy would have had a fit if she knew how he took me there, on top
of the marble casket. If she knew how I screamed his name in pleasure as
he
brought me to release all night long. And when he bit into me, tasting
my very life and I in turn tasted from a small cut he made, then she would
have died of shock to know her friend had been claimed as mate to a
vampire who had tried to kill her.
So we didnt tell anyone. And I stopped visiting Angel. Spike said the
older vampire would know immediately what was going on. Would try to put
a
stop to it, at the very least tell the others. I knew he was right
so I kept my contact with him to letters and calls.
We knew we would have to tell them eventually. As his mate I wouldnt
age another day, wouldnt get sick, and would heal almost as fast as Spike
himself - something the gang would notice eventually. We would have
to tell them eventually - but we could wait. Or so we thought.
***
I begged Giles to get someone else to take the book to Angel. Why did
it have to be me? He insisted that no one else could go - they were all
busy
and Spike would be driving me there. Angel had to have the book tonight.
It was a life and death matter. Just perfect.
And so here I am, speeding along the highway to LA. Praying with all
my being that the 'life and death' matter doesnt cost me everything I hold
dear. I cant help but shake with fear. Maybe I can just throw the book
in the door and run? No. Angel would still know something was wrong. Oh
well.
Time to come clean. After tonight it won't be a secret anymore. My darkest secret brought into the light.
~*~ The End ~*~