~*~*~*~*

Willow glanced around the apartment with a grin. Chips and sodas were lined up
on a table, pillows tossed casually on the floor for sitting on and the
television was on and waiting. "This is going to be *so* funny, Cordelia."

The brunette looked up from arranging the food on the table, straightening one
last can of soda.  She smiled brightly at her friend.  "God, I *know*!  I can't
wait till everyone sees this movie!"

The doorbell rang and the girls' smiles widened, each looking forward to the
night's entertainment.  "Come on!" Willow exclaimed.

*~*~*~*

"What are we watching again?" Xander asked as the opening credits rolled on
screen. He reached for another handful of chips, stuffing them in his mouth and
replacing his arm around Anya's shoulders.

"Since the dawn of time, vampires have walked among us?" Giles asked, shifting
in his chair as he listened to the opening lines of the movie.  "You've invited
us all here to watch a vampire movie?"

"Just wait," Spike grinned, pulling Willow closer to him.  She smiled up at
him, snuggling against his hard chest.

"The SLAYER?" Giles asked in shock.  He looked around the room, his mouth open
and closing as he tried to comprehend what he had just seen.  "Buffy, what
movie is this?"

Buffy was too engrossed in the movie to pay attention. Her eyes widened in
horror, staring at the brown haired girl on the screen.  "EWW!!  My icky mole!
Is that *me*?"  She shuddered, her hand rising automatically to her chest, the
spot where her mole had *once* been.

Cordelia laughed, turning to Buffy when the scene shifted from the flashback to
a group of cheerleaders dancing and chanting.  "Purple and Gold?  Did you
really have to wear that, Buffy?"

Xander blinked, something pulling his gaze rather abruptly from the brightly
dressed girls on the screen.  "Th. . .the title," he sputtered.  "It said Buffy
The Vampire Slayer.  Anya, it said Buffy!"

"I can read, Xander," Anya exclaimed, slapping his arm.  "Shut up.  I want to
see the movie!"

Cordelia continued her rampage about the cheerleaders, oblivious to Xander's
shock and amazement.  "And oh *god*, Buffy!  They *so* suck at cheering!
Buffy, tell me you didn't really suck that bad.  I mean, Sunnydale's team was
*so* much better.  At least, they were when I was on it.  And please!  You
couldn't even all wear the same outfit?"

Xander glanced at his ex-girlfriend.  "For once, Cordelia, I have to agree with
you."

*Written by Joss Whedon* flashed on the screen as the credits continued to
roll.  "Who is Joss Whedon?" Giles asked no one in particular. < And how did he
find out about Buffy and Slayers? >

They watched quietly as the movie made its way to a scene where the coach was
trying, in his own offbeat way, to encourage the basketball team to be more
motivated.  "Someone should kill the bloody coach," Spike grimaced.  "He
doesn't deserve to live.  He's worse than Peaches."

Angel threw a dark glare at his childe, then relaxed a bit when he saw the
humor dancing in Spike's eyes.  Something had definitely changed between the
two of them the week before, during the whole chicken problem.  He sighed
unnecessarily, wishing he knew what it was.

"Oh, my god.  Buffy, those yellow shoes, and that red dress *so* don't look
good together.  Can we say Fashion victim much?" Cordelia scolded, her eyes
alight with good-natured teasing as the scene shifted to show Buffy at the mall
with her friends.

Buffy threw her a frown, then turned back to the screen in time to see herself
talking about not knowing anything about El Salvador.  She looked down, red
staining her cheeks.  "God, El Salvador?  Spain?  Was I *ever* that stupid?"

Riley patted her back with a frown.  "*Please* tell me you weren't that
stupid," he whispered. Though he had seen Buffy in moments of less than pure
genius, he had *never* seen anything to suggest that she was lacking in
intelligence - until now.

"Apparently, things haven't changed much, chit," Spike said, sitting back with
a smirk.  Willow hit him playfully, winking at him.

Willow shifted uncomfortably at the characterizations of Buffy's friends.
"Please, Buffy, tell me you didn't have friends like that."

Buffy sighed.  "Unfortunately.  I am *so* glad I don't act like that anymore.
It was like, awful!"

Spike rolled his eyes.  "Like I said, Red, things haven't changed," he
whispered into Willow's ear.

Willow giggled. She was enjoying this time with her friends. Angel had been
slightly worried that seeing the movie might be too weird for some of the
group, but it seemed to be turning out all right.  Everyone was laughing and
joking and there was no blood shed yet, definitely a good sign.

The Buffy on screen leaned across the car to kiss her boyfriend, her short
skirt riding up and her butt wiggling in the face of the male passenger in the
car.  "God, Buff.  Skank much?" Cordelia sneered.

Spike smirked as Grueller declined a ride home.  "And now our fearless
basketball player is going to walk himself home.  Can we say bloody vampire
bait?  Don't these daft teenagers know any better?"  He grinned to himself,
watching the teenager walk past the Merry-Go-Round.  When Amilyn showed his
face, fangs protruding from his grin, Spike laughed.  "See!  Vampire bait!"

"OH MY GOD!  That is Pee-Wee Herman!" Xander cried.  "I *loved* him when I was
a kid!"

Spike grinned.  "He was caught tossing off in a public place, moron.  I
wouldn't admit that out loud."

Giles groaned, wondering why he had agreed to coming over to movie night.
Though the movie was a bit of an intrigue for him, it wasn't on the
intellectual level he usually enjoyed. < The things I do for my children, > he
thought.

Buffy frowned at the screen, throwing a piece of popcorn at it.  She watched as
her movie mother spoke briefly.  "Hey!  My mom would *never* say *kiss noise*!
They are *so* not like that!"

Angel's eyebrow went up when Buffy's boyfriend, Jeffrey, started pawing her on
screen, the movie doing a convenient fade out to another scene after a moment
of heavy petting.  "And I thought you said *I* was your first, Buffy," the dark
haired vampire said, smirking.

"God," Riley said, shifting uncomfortably.  He couldn't understand what Buffy
could have in common with the guy being portrayed in the movie.  "Your
boyfriend was a whore.  What did you see in him?"

Buffy sighed, her face flaming.  "I'm going to *kill* this Joss guy.  We didn't
*sleep* together, guys!  Just. . .you know.  SHUT UP!"  She crossed her arms,
frowning at the screen.

There was another flashback and Anya found herself cheering when
flashback-Buffy jumped out of the window to attack the vampire.  "Alright for
jumping out the window, Buffy!"

Spike grinned, playfully malicious smile lighting up his face as the on-screen
Slayer was surrounded and captured by the head vampire, Lothos.  "Finally!  A
Slayer that has the decency to die!  Bloody wonderful."

Buffy shuddered at Lothos, the actor playing him looking a little too much like
him for her tastes.  "Lothos.  Damn."  She sighed, turning to Giles, her
thoughts straying to the point the movie kept making clear.  "Giles, I don't
get reincarnated.  Look at Kendra, and Faith."

Giles glanced at his Slayer.  "Well, Buffy, you must remember this is
Hollywood.  He had to have known you were the only one. . .how, I'm not sure,
but he did.  And he had to come up with some way to explain it.  Reincarnation
is actually a very good idea behind the Chosen One decree, even though it is
vastly wrong."

"Hey!" Buffy cried, turning back to the screen. "She has a stuffed bear!  It's
*not* a bear!  It's a pig, damn it!  Someone should seriously hurt Joss.  If
he's going to do my life, he could *at least* get it right."

Xander frowned as the movie scene shifted to show another vampire.  "What's up
with the vamps having constant fangs?  No ridges, or anything.  You real
vampires are *so* much scarier looking than them."

Angel chuckled.  "Duh, Harris."

Xander barely heard him, completely enraptured by Buffy and her valley girl
ways.  "God, Buff.  You had the whole Queen C routine down *pat*."

"Hey!" Cordelia cried.  "I was never that bad!"

"Um, well. . ."  Willow started, then blushed under her friend's glare.  "I'll
just be quiet now."

"Bugs?  He said we gave the idea of doing the dance on *bugs*?  We were never
*that* stupid," Buffy pouted, crossing her arms. She couldn't believe this Joss
creep had the nerve to show her and her friends as even more of airheads than
they actually were. As if the truth wasn't bad enough!

"Doubt that, Slutty . . ." Spike grinned.

"You know," Willow mused, glancing at Xander.  "the Principal, he reminds me of
Flutie.  You remember him, don't ya, Xander?"

Xander grimaced.  "Yea.  Flutie.  Hyenas. . .bad. . .dead principal. . .really
bad."  He sighed.  "I'm so glad I wasn't one of them there that day. . ." He
shuddered involuntarily.

The whole group stared at the screen when the actress playing Buffy proclaimed,
jokingly of course, that she had to get a head start on her homework.  They all
looked at each other, then cracked up.  "Shut *up*!" Buffy cried.  "I have a
destiny here!  It gets in the way of homework sometimes!"

Cordelia winced at the leather jacket discussion. How could that Buffy's entire
group of friends be so fashion oblivious? They had lived in LA for God's sake!
"Yellow. Leather. Jacket.  Retro - Oh, my god.  Buffy, you and your friends
thought you were *cool*?"

"We were," Buffy pouted.  She glanced at the screen, frowning.  "There is
*nothing* wrong with my name," she said defensively, knowing that Pike and
Benny had probably been chuckling in the back of their heads when she told them
her name.

"Whatever, Slayer," Spike grumbled.

"And Pike.  Come on, Buffy.  He was *such* a loser.  I thought you had taste,"
Angel chuckled.

"Her tastes haven't changed much, Peaches," Spike replied, glancing at Riley.

Riley glared at the vampire across the room.  "Hey!" he cried.  "I still have
some of my toys from the Initiative.  Don't make me go home and get them. . ."

A low dangerous growl emanated from Angel, his eyes bleeding to yellow as he
fought to control his demon.  "If you *touch* my childe, I will rip your throat
out," he growled.  Cordelia placed a hand on his shoulder, trying to calm him
down.

Riley paled slightly, before sobering up.  "Whatever," he said, brushing the
vampire off and turning back to the movie in time to see Buffy slice and dice a
hot dog Benny had been using in an obscene manner. "Oh, god."

The rest of the men in the room groaned, crossing their legs almost reflexively
in a protective way.  "Ouch, Buffy!" Xander cried.

The women giggled and Buffy looked proud. She glanced back at the screen, her
face falling   when she realized that Pike and Bennie were walking along a
cliff, talking about having sex with her.

"Bloody hell, I don't know *who* would 'bone' the Slayer," Spike said.  He
glanced at Angel, who was watching him.  He decided to keep his sarcastic
remark about his Sire and the Slayer to himself.

"HEY!  I can't *believe* that bastard Joss had them talking about sleeping with
me!!" Buffy cried. Her face was red with embarrassment. Had those two actually
had this conversation or was it all from the mind of some sick, twisted, little
screenwriter?

Spike grinned, bouncing in his seat as the two continued to walk along the dark
cliff side.  "Someone's gonna die!" he sang.  He clapped his hand in glee,
watching the vampire take Bennie away.  "YESSSS!  About bloody time! We get to
*watch* a human get eaten!"

"LOOK!" Xander cried.  "It's the Giles Mobile!"  He turned to Giles.  "Is that
a prerequisite of being a watcher?  You have to have a crappy car?"

Giles took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose.  "Xander, do
shut up."

Xander grinned.  He *loved* getting under Giles' skin.  "Yup!  This is me
shutting up now."

Cordelia stared at the screen where the Hembry High cheer squad was once again
practicing.    Even though she'd watched the movie with Angel and laughed all
week, it still amazed her.  "'Dribble, shoot, shoot?'  Who wrote your cheers?
Dr. Seuss?  God, you *so* could have used our help.  I can't believe our
cheerleading team was better than yours.  You were in LA.  We were just little
Sunnydale."

Buffy shuddered as her character started talking to Merrick.  "God, watching
the way they portray Merrick. . .he seems so. . .creepy.  I could have *so*
killed him for scaring me."

Willow winced. She could sympathize with her friend. The watcher had appeared
almost out of nowhere in the movie, showing up when Buffy was in the middle of
practicing her gymnastics and startling her.  "He does rate pretty high on the
creep scale, Buffy."

Anya chuckled.  "What a great pick up line!"  She lowered her voice, doing a
pretty good impersonation of the on-screen watcher,  " 'Come with me now, to
the graveyard.'  I bet he had lots of women like that.  Giles, did you ever use
that line?"

"Anya, please," Giles sighed.

"Hey!" Spike cried.  "I've used that line!  You'd be surprised how many women
are bloody stupid enough to fall for it."

Willow glared at him.  "Spike. . ."

"Sorry, Red," he said, ducking his head.

Buffy raised an eyebrow, surprised at how whipped it appeared that Spike was to
her redheaded best friend. She would never have believed a few months ago that
she would see William the Bloody taking orders from a human. But here he was,
doing it willingly and *happily*.

"Yes, Buffy, you are the Chosen One and there are vampires." Giles couldn't
resist talking back at the movie.

"Don't remind me," the real life Slayer muttered, rolling her eyes. It seemed
like a lifetime ago that she had had that conversation with Merrick. "No.please
no.HE'S TALKING ABOUT MY MOLE?!?" The blonde screeched. "Joss is * so * dead.
How the hell did he find out about my mole?"

Angel grimaced, understanding his ex-girlfriend's discomfort. "That was a very
unattractive mole."

The Slayer glared at him. Trust Angel to state the obvious. "Why the hell do
you think I had it removed?"

Spike snickered at the bluntness of his Sire's statement. He was glad the poof
was finally able to say things that may or may not hurt the Slayer. "Well I
don't know about the rest of you, but I for one am bloody well glad the whole
reincarnation bit is false. I couldn't stand the thought of Buffys through the
ages."

Giles eyes took on a thoughtful look and he turned to his young charge. "Buffy,
did you really have those dreams? Of other Slayers?"

She shifted uncomfortably. "Yeah, why?"

The Watcher smiled, shaking his head slightly. "That's odd. I should research."

"G-Man," Xander laughed. "Only you could watch a campy vamp movie and find
something to research from it."

They watched as the on-screen Buffy made her way to the graveyard with Merrick,
dressed in skin tight pants and a letter jacket, sitting down on the ground
near a fresh grave.  "Cramps!" Buffy groaned. "I can't believe they made my
Slayer sense * cramps *." She blushed, hiding her face with embarrassment.

Cordelia laughed as the on-screen Slayer asked her watcher for some gum. "Gum.
Only you would be sitting there thinking about gum." She teased the real life
Slayer playfully. Having long since gotten over her hatred of the blonde, the
former cheerleader still managed to find ways to tease her former enemy.

"Oh, oh!" Spike grinned, bouncing up and down in his seat. "Vamp rising, vamp
rising. Kill the Slayer! Kill the Slayer!" He snickered, acting for all the
world like a child. "I love the way these guys have no clue she's the bloody
Slayer! Like our demons don't buck every time you're around."

Giles watched, feeling none too happy, as the younger version of his Slayer was
forced to defend herself. "He wasn't a very good Watcher.taking you there with
no training."

Buffy bristled at the insult to her first watcher, glaring at Giles. "He was a
* very * good watcher!"  Giles opened his mouth, ready to apologize on what was
obviously  a touchy subject, only to be cut off by a gasp from the blonde
haired Slayer. "No dust? They don't get dusted?!?"

"No dust!"  Spike roared with laughter. No matter how many times he had watched
this movie since discovering it the week before, he never got over the wide
array of inconsistencies. "They don't dust!"

Cordelia laughed. "I could have saved *so* many outfits that way."

The blonde haired vampire grinned when the scene shifted again, taking the
movie to Pike's trashy little apartment as the newly vamped Benny tried to get
his friend to let him in. "Invite him in!  Let him in! Come *on*, he just wants
to be your friend!"

Xander rolled his eyes at the vampire's enthusiasm for seeing every human in
the movie die. It was actually pretty funny - if you didn't take it too
personally. "Hey!" he exclaimed suddenly, pointing at the screen. "He's flying!
You guys can *fly*? I *knew* you were holding out on us!"

"Harris, we *can't* fly!" Angel growled, smirking at the human youth.

"Right," Xander snorted. "Like I'm gonna believe you, Deadboy."

Spike barely acknowledged the conversation going on around him, still chanting
for the human on the screen to be nice to his friend.  "C'mon, Pike! He's
hungry! Be a mate and let him in for a quick bite!"

Cordelia snickered, trying to ignore the bloodlust in the blonde's eyes. "EWW!
Look at those *ears*. they have the most unattractive ears!"

Willow leaned in closer to her lover, licking along his earlobe delicately,
smiling as he closed his eyes in pleasure.  "I'm glad yours stay normal when
you are 'grrr', cause I wouldn't lick *that*."
"You get physical with him when he's in his *game face*?" Xander groaned. "Can
I just say 'EWW!'"

Anya slapped her boyfriend lightly on the arm, giving Willow a big grin.
"Cool." Her eyes lit up with inquiry. "So is it true what they say about.."

"Anya.don't," Xander warned, tearing his eyes away from the movie long enough
to stop her from asking a question that would undoubtedly embarrass him. She
glared at him, but closed her mouth, returning her attention to the movie.

Riley sat up a little straighter when the movie flashed to show Buffy in her
bedroom. His eyes took in the lacy white nightgown she was wearing and he
looked over at the real life version of his girlfriend with a sly smile.
"Buffy.why don't you wear nightgowns like that anymore?"  He laughed when she
reached out to playfully slap at him.

Spike just couldn't take his eyes off of the movie. He knew how it ended, but
there was still that one little part of him that prayed for a differed outcome.
"Someone really should kill the Slayer."

"Hey! That's *me* you're talking about!" The blonde haired Slayer glared at the
vampire.

"I rest my case," the English vampire smirked, ignoring the sharp jab to his
ribs from Willow.

"I can't believe that's PEE WEE!" Xander exclaimed, bouncing up and down with
excitement as the infamous actor once again made his way on the screen.  He
looked around, surprised to find his friends not quite as excited as himself.
"Um, can I repeat: PEE WEE!"

"Uh huh," Willow grinned, her eyes flashing to her childhood friend for a brief
moment. "We heard you the first time, Xan."

"Yeah, mate, sorry if the wanker doesn't get us all hot and bothered like he
does for you," Spike leered at the dark haired human he loved to torment.

The gang watched as Lothos came floating down to talk to the character of
Cassandra.  "Bloody bite her!  Make her one of yours!" Spike yelled at the
screen.  "Send her to kill the bloody Slayer!"

"Come *on*, Deadboy!  Do the floating thing!" Xander cried, turning to Angel.
"Float for us!!  Impress the hell out of me!  I mean, uh, Anya.  She would be
so thrilled to see you float."

Angel's game face slid on.  "Harris, I do *not* float, fly, jump really high,
or anything like that.  This is a movie.  Get over it before I have to rip your
throat out."

Xander blinked in mild shock.  "Sorry, Deadboy," he said softly.

Spike's grin grew.  "Bite his throat out, Sire!  Come on!  It will be bloody
fun for all!"

"*Shut up*!" the whole group yelled at Spike.

Spike grinned.  "Come on, the Watcher's coming on screen."
The group turned to see Merrick stalking Buffy in the women's locker room.
Buffy shuddered, amazed that Joss had known that Merrick found her there to
bitch that she hadn't shown up for her training.  "Merrick liked girls' locker
rooms. . .I remember that about him.  He was *so* skanky sometimes."

Giles stared at his Slayer in horror.  "I cannot *believe* he went into the
locker room to find you!  That explicitly goes against *everything* in the
Watcher's Handbook!"  < My god.  What kind of Watcher was this man? > he
thought.  < And I wondered why Buffy was so difficult when she came to me. >

Merrick was on screen, telling Buffy why she wasn't a good choice for a Slayer.
"Vacuous choice," Spike agreed.  "Like a bloody empty well, that Slayer of our
is."

"Hey!" Riley cried.  Spike was being particularly brutal towards his girlfriend
that night, and it was starting to piss him off.  "Stop talking about Buffy
like she's not here!"

Buffy buried herself in his embrace, turning her head up to peck him on the
cheek.  "Thank you, Riley," she said softly.  She actually found most of
Spike's insults humorous.  It wasn't hard to make fun of the airhead she had
once been.  Several times she had wanted to make fun of the woman on screen.

Merrick threw the knife at Buffy, and of course, she caught it perfectly.  "Oh,
oh," Spike said, jumping up and down in his seat.  "I want to throw knives at
the bloody Slayer!"

"Why?" Buffy asked, glancing at the vampire.  "I'd catch it."  She shrugged.

Angel's grin had a sinister trace to it.  "She would catch it," he said.  "I
threw one at her once, and she caught it with no problems."

Buffy closed her eyes, shuddering softly.  Her mind flashed back to that
moment, facing Angelus, sending him to Hell.  She shook her head, trying to
erase the memory.  "You ok?" Riley asked softly, not having paid attention to
what Angel was saying.

"Yea," she whispered.  "Fine.  Come on, let's get back to the movie."

"I just want to graduate high school, go to Europe, marry Christian Slater, and
*die*!" the Buffy of the movie cried.

"Christian *Slater*?" Cordelia cried.  "How stuck in the 80's were you, Buffy?"

"You want to marry Christian Slater?" Riley asked softly, grinning.

"That was *so* a long time ago, you guys!" Buffy cried, hiding her face in
Riley's shoulder.

"Good for you, Buffy," Giles said, nodding towards Buffy.  "Good for you
hitting Merrick.  He really wasn't that good of a Watcher, in my opinion."

"Hey!" Buffy cried.  Merrick obviously wasn't the same to her as Giles was, but
Merrick *was* a good Watcher and done what he could have to protect his Slayer.

When the scene flashed to Buffy practicing with Merrick, Giles beamed with
pride.  "You trained with sticks and bags?  At least *I* let you beat up on me
personally."

"And you did a damn good job of it, too, Giles," Buffy grinned.

On screen, Buffy slammed into the punching bag, turning around with pride.  The
bag flew back and hit her in the back.  Spike roared with laughter, laying his
head on Willow's shoulder.  The witch, stroked his hair, trying to hold in her
laughter too.  When Buffy started laughing, Willow couldn't help it.  She let
her laughter bubble forward.  Soon, the whole room was laughing at the
misfortune of the character of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

The music played as it flashed to a scene of Buffy being late to school, then
kissing Jeffrey.  Riley scowled.  "Did you seriously date that prick on the
basketball team?" he asked.

"He was popular," Buffy said softly, her cheeks stained with blush.

It flashed to a scene of her training again.  She flipped and threw a stake at
a dummy, it landing right in the dummy's knee.  "Well done, Slayer!" Spike
clapped.  "It landed *so* close to the heart!  Didn't your Watcher teach you
that it didn't go in the knee?"

Buffy turned to him, an evil gleam in her eye.  "Can we test it?  Just to make
sure?"

Spike narrowed his eyes.  "Try it and die, Slayer."

"Doubtful, Fangless."

Spike growled, low and dangerous.  Angel leaned forward, placing his hand on
his childe's shoulder.  "No bloodshed.  Willow would be angry."

Spike's growling tapered off.  "Fine, if you say so, *Sire*," he hissed, still
looking at Buffy angrily.

Giles leaned forward.  "Good for you, Buffy, knocking him down," he nodded,
enjoying the fact that on screen, Buffy knocked Merrick down.

Buffy grinned.  "Thanks, Giles."

Buffy told Merrick that Lothos scared her in her dreams.  Angel snickered.
"Didn't look like he was scaring you too much, Buffy.  Sorta seems like you
always had a thing for the undead. . ."

Buffy glared at him.

"Ooooh," Spike teased.  "Slayer's scared of Lothos!"

"Spike," Angel asked, "have you ever *met* Lothos?"  He glanced at his childe,
waiting to see his reaction.  He had met Lothos years ago, and the man didn't
scare him much.  However, to someone younger, he may have.

"No," Spike answered.  "Why?"

"He wasn't that scary," Angel nodded.  "He didn't scare me."

Spike beamed proudly at his Sire.  "Well, that's because no one scares you,
Angelus."

Angel grinned at Spike.

Cordelia laughed out loud.  "Your principal was talking about doing *acid*,
Buffy!  He was talking about doing *acid* to a student.  How completely wrong
is that?"

"He thought he was a toaster," Xander chuckled.  His eyes widened when Buffy
nailed the fly to the wall with a tack.  "Woah, Buffster!!  Nail that fly to
the wall!  Where were you at my family picnics!"

Spike scowled when the scene changed to Pike getting ready to leave town
because of the vampires.  "Yea right, like vampires aren't everywhere, you dumb
bloke."

Angel snickered.

The scene changed once again, to Buffy walking alone, down a dark alley.
"YES!" Spike cried.  "Walk down that dark alley!  Come *on*, get her boys. .
.please?  I'm *begging* here!"

"Buffy!" Giles said, mildly shocked.  "You went down a dark alley?  Are you
*daft*?"  He turned accusing eyes to his Slayer.

"I didn't *know* any better!" Buffy defended.  "How the *hell* did this Joss
guy get all this information!!"

Buffy walked along the dark alley, singing softly.  "Feelings. . .woah, woah,
ooh, feelings. . .Boy, I'm feeling really helpless. . ."  She winced in pain as
a wave of cramps hit her.

"Damn the *cramps*!" Buffy cried.

Angel raised an eyebrow.  " 'Boy, I'm feeling really helpless'?" he asked,
amazed.

"Helpless Slayer," Spike smirked.  "I like that."

"I wasn't *always* the big bad ass Slayer you see before you," she said,
crossing her arms.

"And sometimes you still aren't, Slayer," Spike grinned, his eyes dancing with
mischievousness.  She stuck her tongue out at him and he couldn't help but
laugh. On screen the Slayer finally came across what she had entered the dark
alley looking for and he couldn't help but silently cheer the vampire on. <
Damn! > He groaned softly when the quite obvious fledgling was killed before he
could even seriously injure the blonde.

"Again with the lack of dust, " Cordelia snickered good-naturedly. "I am *so*
jealous!"

"Enough talk about dust, chit." Spike sulked, glaring at his Sire's chosen
mate. It was obvious that the humans sometimes forgot that a pile of dust was
the vampire equivalent to a human corpse and was just as disturbing for them to
hear about or see. He felt Angel pat him on the shoulder and knew the older
vampire felt the same way.

Merrick entered the scene again, lecturing the movie version of the Slayer on
the dangers of entering a dark alley, alone, at night. Giles chuckled, it was
obvious Buffy had paid just as little heed to her first Watcher as she did to
him. "I can see you didn't like paying attention to your Watcher back then
either."

"Toaster caked him?" Cordelia roared with laughter at the way the writer had
depicted Buffy's speech. It was hard to believe that *anyone* would ever have
talked like that -- even the Slayer who was known for being an airhead.

Willow looked over at her friend, her green eyes sparkling with merriment. "
'My secret weapon is PMS'??  Can I just say again how glad I am to *not* be
you, Buff?"

"No! No! No!" Buffy cried, her face red with embarrassment. "My spider sense is
not *cramps*!" Once again the thought of making this Joss person pay for all
his lies flashed into her brain. She couldn't believe of all the things he
could have falsified that he chose to give her cramps as her Slayer sense. It
was just too mortifying. She looked around at the laughing faces of her
friends. "Its NOT cramps!"

The blonde haired vampire regarded the Slayer with no small amount of amusement
over her discomfort. "I guess that *would* have made dating Peaches awfully
difficult." He laughed at the glare she directed his way before her own
laughing face turned back to the movie.

Leaning across Cordelia, towards his childe, Angel whispered so that only the
three of them could hear, "Yeah.then she would have known I was a vampire to
begin with." The three friends laughed, drawing stares from Buffy who just
*knew* they were talking about her.  She rolled her eyes, again gracing the
occupants of the room with a visual of her tongue as she blew them a raspberry.
Unable to resist acting like a child in the company he was currently keeping,
Angel returned the favor, the whole room erupting with laughter.

On screen Merrick was telling Buffy that Watchers didn't help the Slayer, that
they must never under any circumstances interfere, even if they believe the
Slayer to be special. Giles snorted, the derision in his tone quiet clear. "We
can too help. We do all the time. Bloody moron."  Buffy reached over to pat his
hand. Maybe watching this movie with Giles hadn't been the brightest idea, he
seemed to be getting upset over every little thing Merrick did.

"There will *never* be a time when there are no vampires," Spike grinned, his
arrogance showing as the blonde on screen questioned what would happen when all
the world's undead were destroyed. "Peaches himself is going to live forever.
As am I."

"Not if I have anything to do with it, Blondie." Buffy smirked. She grinned at
the blonde haired vampire to let him know she was just playing. There was
honestly no part of her that desired to see the cocky Brit die - he was too
good to her friend for that.

"Buffy.!"  Willow laughed. She looked up into her lover's eyes, feeling a small
twinge in the pit of her stomach at both the thought of losing him and the
knowledge that he was going to outlive her.  It wasn't something they had
discussed - at all, the fact that one day she was going to grow old and die and
he would still be the same handsome devil he was now. She smiled up at him,
trying to push the thoughts aside.  Her death was inevitable so she might as
well accept it. After all, she couldn't let him turn her.could she?

"Your keen fashion sense?!?!" Cordelia gasped, her laughter startling Willow
out of her morose thoughts.  She still couldn't believe Buffy had *ever* been
that much of a complete airhead.

"Hey!" Xander cried, laughing as he pointed at the screen. "Merrick made a
joke. Giles, you can do that too, can't you?"

Giles glared at the young man. "Do shut up, Xander."

The boy grinned at him, turning back to the movie. He couldn't believe how
absolutely campy the whole thing was. Yet - it was hilarious at the same time.
Especially since he knew most of it was nothing more than lies and
generalizations.  Pike was on screen again and Xander couldn't stop himself
from wondering why Buffy would ever have dated such an obvious loser.

"KILL HIM!!! KILL HIM!! KILL KILL KILL!!!" Spike chanted, practically
screaming, as Amilyn started trying to kill Pike. "Oh!" The blonde grimaced as
the van ran head on into the vampire. "That had to hurt, getting hit like
that."

"Pee Wee is trying to get him!!" Xander laughed. The fact that the vampire was
trying to kill a human totally lost on him. "Damn, I can't believe that's Pee
Wee! I wanted his red bike!"

The whole gang groaned when Amilyn lost his arm and Spike couldn't help but
snicker, "Ok. *NO* kill, other than the Slayer of course, is worth losing an
arm over."

"Ok. I so would have freaked out if an arm landed in *my* lap." Anya muttered,
deciding that Pike just hadn't been scared enough of the disembodied member for
her liking.

"Messed up his leather jacket." Spike shook his head slowly. "If someone *ever*
ruined my duster they would be bloody dead."

Angel turned to his childe, a wicked glint in his eyes. "Joss didn't make his
vampires very strong. We would have had Pike out in a minute."  The blonde
nodded in agreement, ways in which they would have made the pathetic excuse of
a loser's death as painful as possible dancing through his head.

"I *so* did not need to hear that from you guys," Buffy grinned. "Remember..me
- Slayer..you - vampires..if you start acting like vampires I have to slay."

"I applaud you on the use of his guitar for a stake, Buffy. Such initiative."
Giles smiled softly, both commending his charge and reinforcing her statements
about slaying vampires to the two in the room with them.

Angel chuckled as the scene played out, flashing to Buffy inviting Pike into
her home.  "Again with bringing boys home to tend to their bruises. . .Glad to
know it wasn't *just* me," he grinned at Buffy.

Buffy glared at Angel, her eyes flashing with anger before her lips turned up
in a grin.  "Only tend to those I want, Angel. . ."

Angel smirked, a flash from his demon coming forth.  "Yea, and our love was one
of such destiny."

"Hey," Buffy said icily.

"Come *on*, Buffy.  I'm a *vampire*.  You are the Slayer."  He shook his head.
"You aren't supposed to date us."

Spike glanced at Angel, his eyebrow cocked high on his forehead.  He knew
Angelus was close to the surface, taking every moment he could to poke at the
Slayer.  "Peaches," he said, not wanting to rile the Slayer up enough to cause
an actual fight.  "Watch the movie."

Cordelia shifted, feeling the tension in the room grow thick.  Angel and Buffy
were trying to stare each other down.  "Quit being so whiney, dear," she said,
patting Angel's arm.

Angel shook his head slightly, turning back to the movie.

Willow shuddered.  "Eww, Buffy, you seriously invited that icky man into your
house?"

Giles nodded.  "That wasn't very smart, Buffy," he said, shaking his head.  He
had thought that Buffy was a bit unorthodox when he first met her, but upon
seeing the way she was in the beginning. . .he was thanking all that he
believed in that Merrick was her first Watcher.  "He could have been a
vampire."

"Duh, Giles," Buffy said, rolling her eyes.

"And here she goes with the bloody Valley Girl talk again," Spike sneered.

"Shut up, Spike," Buffy hissed.

They glanced back to the screen, hearing Pike say, "Who *are* you?"

"Haven't you been listening, you twit!?" Spike yelled at the screen.  "She's
*Buffy* the bloody SLAYER!  SLAY-ER.  Say it with me, moron.  Slayer.  God!"
He threw his hands up in the air.  "First, the twit *doesn't* die like he's
supposed to, and then he can't even bloody appreciate the *Slayer*.  Daft git."
He shook his head, looking at Buffy.  "Slayer, I have to say this, and even
though it pains me, it still needs to be said."

Buffy narrowed her eyes, waiting for his insult.

"You did so much better with the Commando," Spike finished.  Willow patted his
shoulder.

Buffy blinked in surprise.  "Thanks," she said, not quite sure how to take the
compliment.

Anya shook her head in amazement.  Buffy had gone from the stuck up popular man
of LA to the dorky idiotic loser.  "He wasn't too bright, was he?" she asked.
She glanced up at the blonde, thinking of the men *she* knew about that had
graced Buffy's life.  First there was Jeffrey, and he was a jerk.  Then there
was Pike, and he was hopeless.  Next was Angel, which went against everything
her entire destiny was.  Parker used her and abused her for all she was worth.
She sighed, watching Riley wrap his arm around the blonde and whisper in her
ear.  < I hope for your sake, Buffy, that Riley is better to you than the last
four. . . >

"Are. . .are you calling me a man?" Pike asked Buffy on the television.

Angel snorted.  "A *man*?  Whelp. . .nothing but a snot nosed little kid."

The scene flashed to Lothos and Amilyn discussing their course of action, and
how upset the younger vampire was over losing his arm.  Spike chuckled at the
dated clothes Lothos wore.  "Lothos dresses like more of a Nancyboy than you,
Peaches," he grinned at his Sire.

Angel snarled at Spike, letting him know that his little joke wasn't funny.
"Shame Buffy got Lothos in the end.  I would *so* loved to have staked him," he
growled.

"No!" Anya cried.  "Don't tell me what happens in the end!"

Everyone looked at Anya.  Xander opened his mouth to tell her that it was
obvious Buffy won, but shook his head and decided against it.  He patted her
shoulder, smiling.

Willow chuckled.

Xander's eyes grew wide when Lothos picked up the kitten and decided it was
snack time.  "He's going to snack on the *kitten*?" he cried, his face
grimacing.  "Oh, god. . ."

"I have to agree," Spike frowned.  "Dining on a cat.  That's bloody disgusting.
Worse than. . .what, Peaches. . .rats?"

"Shut up, Spike," Angel hissed.

Spike smirked.  "Humans are *so* much more tasty," he leered, glancing down at
Willow.  He caught sight of the smooth skin of her neck and licked his lips.

"Hey, Fangless," Xander said threateningly.  "I know you are dating her, and
perhaps you two are sleeping together - " He threw up his hands in a defensive
position.  "No details!  Don't want to know about it!"  He grinned.  "But
*stop* looking at my best friend like she's dinner."

Willow tilted her head up to look at Spike.  "Are you lusting after my blood?"
she teased, her eyes dancing.

He licked his lips, his fangs elongated just enough to show the points.  "I'm
bloody guessing that's why they call it 'bloodlust', pet."

Buffy watched the two, shuddering softly.  Her mind flashed back to the
conversation the group had a few weeks before, where Angel described to
everyone how it felt to be bitten.  She sighed, gazing for a moment at Angel,
who was leaning down whispering in Cordelia's ear.  < Why didn't I enjoying the
biting while I had it? >  She chewed her bottom lip and turned back to the
movie.

Willow licked her lips and giggled.  She knew she had to change the subject
fast.  She could hear Angel whispering to Cordelia how he could smell her
arousal, and how the four of them should kick the gang out of the apartment and
screw like rabbits.  "I'm glad you don't eat kittens, Spike.  That's totally
icky."  She made a face.

Spike blinked in mild surprise.  Angel's soft voice stopped as he looked up at
Willow.  His eyebrows came together in confusion.  The redhead was *stopping*
the impending lust fest.  Spike glanced up at Angel over Willow's shoulder and
shrugged.  He looked back down at her.  "You can handle the fact that I've
killed more humans than you've ever bloody known, but you can't handle the
thought of me eating a cat?"

"Cats are so cute and cuddly," Willow pouted softly.

Spike chuckled, pulling the witch closer to his body.  "Right, Red.  Whatever
you say.  Just remember. . .you owe me later."

"Later," she promised softly.  "After the movie is over and everyone leaves."

The group watched on as the movie shifted scenes yet again to a basketball
game. On the court, the Hembry High cheerleaders were trying their best to
raise the spirits of the fans.

"Again with the lame cheers," Cordelia snickered. "What do you do for an
encore? 'One Fish, Two Fish'?"

Buffy rolled her eyes before shooting the former May Queen a glare. She didn't
know why Cordelia had to be so mean all the time. It wasn't as if her old squad
had made up the cheers themselves, after all. They had *paid* someone to write
them for them. They were good quality cheers. Ok, so they were a little tacky
and trite, but who actually watched cheerleaders to hear what they had to say?

"So the bloody moron shows up for the basketball game?" Spike asked
incredulously as the first vamp victim of the movie shows up to play ball -
obviously turned. "A-bloody-mazing! I would have killed everyone. *Not* played
basketball."

"Do you even know *how* to play basketball, Blondie?"  Xander asked, laughing
as he pictured the English vampire running up and down a court in shorts,
trying to slam-dunk the ball.

"I'll have you know me an' Peaches used to play a mean game of pickup back in
the day," the younger vampire cried indignantly.

"Yeah. That woulda been, what?  Almost a century ago?" Angel smirked, his eyes
dancing. He remembered those games of midnight basketball  - back before the
sport had really caught on. They would beat their challengers fair and square
and then drink them dry. Those had been fun times.  He groaned, again glancing
at the movie.  "The coach was actually talking about auras? I'm truly
frightened."

"I don't get it. He's flashing fang all over the court, not to mention the
gross ear thing, and all they're worried about is that he's breaking the rules
of the damn game?" Xander cried out, his eyes wide with amazement. "And here I
thought people in Sunnydale were stupid."

On screen the Slayer rushed out into the court, confronting the newly changed
vampire.  After a brief skirmish, he fled, the blonde in pursuit.

"She's a DYKE!" Spike roared, rolling with laughter as Buffy stole a motorcycle
to chase after the vampire. "I have to admit, Slutty, stealing the bike, now
*that* was class!"  He chuckled.

"And Pike thinks that his little toy bike will keep up with that big bad ass
machine she was riding?" Xander grinned, watching the goofy looking male
character race after the Slayer on a motorcycle that might as well have been a
regular bike.

"Smart move, Buffy," Giles couldn't help but laugh. "Chase the vampire, all by
yourself, into a dark area with lots of places for it to hide or ambush you.
Can I say again how glad I am that I wasn't your *first* Watcher?" He ignored
the glare the blond gave him, continuing to stare at the movie.

"Did he just call himself a god?" Riley chuckled when the vamp-basketball
player emerged from hiding.

"Yes he did," Angel laughed. "Damn fledglings are just too cocky sometimes.
It's why most of them die before they hit their first decade of unlife. If they
would only be a little more careful with who they chose to eat and fight with
and.." He looked around the room at the blank looks of shock on the humans'
faces. "I can see this isn't a conversation I should be having. Oh, come on!"
He shouted, trying to change the subject. "Why didn't Grueller just kill her?"

"Did you see him? That vamp? Holding his hands up and trying to scare here?
BLOODY IDIOT! WE AREN'T LIKE THAT!" Spike roared. No matter how many times he
had seen the movie since they had originally found it, he still got upset over
some of the larger inconsistencies.

Willow shuddered as the on screen version of her friend managed to find time to
flirt with the skanky male lead. "There are vampires all around you and you are
scamming on Pike?"

Angel leaned in close to his childe, his voice low. "William. I think I can
pull some strings and find this Joss person. He needs to be set straight.

The blonde glanced over at his sire, a wide smile gracing his handsome face.
"Sounds like a bloody marvelous plan to me, Peaches."

Cordelia leaned in, her voice also a whisper. "You'll scare him to death if you
do that, Angel. I mean *look*!" She gestured at the movie with one hand. "He
cast Pee Wee Herman as a vampire! He'd wet himself if he ever saw a *real*
member of the undead up close and personal."

Cordelia turned back to the movie just in time to see Lothos commenting on the
fact that Buffy was *real*.  "Real?" she asked.  "She's an airheaded
cheerleader!  How the hell can Lothos think she's *real*?"

"Hey!" Buffy cried.  Cordelia's comments were starting to hit home.

Cordelia looked at Buffy, then to the TV, then back to Buffy.  "Sorry, Buff."
She shrugged.  "I have a hard time sometimes remembering that was you."

Buffy softened a bit, as Cordelia seemed sincere.

Willow glanced at her friend, an eyebrow high on her forehead.  "What?"
Cordelia asked.  "I can change.  Really.  Buffy did.  If *she* can do it, I can
do it."  She pouted.

Willow reached out, patting Cordelia's hand.  "I guess you can, Delia."  She
smiled.

Giles grimaced when Lothos stabbed Merrick.  He shifted in his seat, to many of
his own almost death flashing in his eyes.  "Buffy, your last watcher. . .why
do I suddenly feel very lucky to have lived this long?"

Buffy threw Giles a sad look, both from remembering Merrick's death to
imagining Giles gone.  She had taken Merrick's death hard, but if Giles were to
die. . .  "Don't die, k?"

Giles patted her knee comfortingly.  "I will try my hardest not to."

"Ok," Angel said softly, knowing that he had to word his next choice of words
right.  When he, his childe, Cordelia, and Willow had talked about the part of
the movie playing right now, he could let his demon fully come forth and
discuss how he *really* felt.  But he knew the other humans in the room
wouldn't take that discussion lightly.  "Not to say that I think Buffy should
be dead or anything, but *seriously*!  Lothos STOPPED when he thought Buffy
wasn't ready?  I don't think so.  A good Master wouldn't have done that.  He
would have drained her, broken her neck. . .something.  Anything.  Not just let
her walk off like that."

The group was quiet, taking in what Angel said.  They were all suddenly
thankful that Lothos had made the wrong decision - allowing Buffy to live, so
she could destroy them and come to Sunnydale.  "I'm glad he was a stupid
Master," Xander remarked quietly.

Spike glanced down at Willow, knowing that had Buffy not come to Sunnydale, he
wouldn't be sitting with his arm wrapped around such a wonderful woman.  "So am
I, Slutty.  So am I."  He squeezed Willow's shoulder.  The redhead smiled up at
him, leaning in to capture a quick kiss.

Buffy smiled softly, glancing at all her friends.  Even though two of them were
vampires, and she had been in love with him at one time, Spike was right.
Everyone's life would have been vastly different if she hadn't come to
Sunnydale.  "You guys. . .you guys are my best friends," she said softly, her
eyes tearing up.

"Hey now, Slutty!" Spike cried.  "No human sappiness!  I don't want my Red to
start crying too."

Buffy laughed, wiping her tears away.  "Sorry, sorry.  I'm ok."

Spike glanced at Merrick, who was still talking to Buffy about her destiny.
"Enough with the speech!  Just *die* already!"  His demon was roaring, wanting
to partake in violence.  The moment of kinship he had with the Slayer disgusted
him more than he thought it would.  And yet, the small part of human he had
left in him couldn't stop.  He glanced at Giles.  "I'm glad that wasn't bloody
you.  I can actually tolerate you."

Giles shifted, completely shocked by Spike's words.  "Er. . .yes, well. . .um,
thank you. . .Spike."

Willow smiled, running her hand along Spike's chest.  "Such a big demon being
so sweet.  Thank you."

And with those words, with the affection his witch was giving him, Spike's
moment of weakness for both the Slayer and the Watcher were worth it.  He
hugged Willow closer, then turned back to the movie.

It flashed to Buffy's best friends getting ready for the dance.  They were all
sitting on the floor of the gym, chatting happily amongst their dance
decorations.  Spike scowled.  "I wish someone killed one of those bloody twits.
They were too stupid.  They make Cordelia look smart," he grinned, having to
take a shot at his Sire's mate.

"HEY!" both Cordelia and Angel cried.  Spike grinned, letting them know he was
teasing.

Of course, Willow had to make sure that Spike paid for his 'comment'.  "One
word," she said sweetly.  "Harmony."

Spike groaned.  "Bloody hell, Witch!  Don't bring Harm into this!  Won't you
ever let me forget about her?"

"No, Blondie," Cordelia sneered, enjoying the fact that she could get him back
for all the times he tormented her.  "We are going to remind you about that
little mistake for the rest of your eternal life."

Spike groaned, his mind flashing to a thousand years from that moment.  He and
Angel were sitting there, discussing something, while Willow and Cordelia were
off happily chatting about whatever was going on.  "Bloody hell," he said
softly, rubbing his face.  "I have to put up with Cordelia until the end of
time."  He buried his face in Willow's shoulder, trying to push the thought
away of his Sire's mate annoying him for eternity.

Willow patted his head, sighing softly.  Her heart was filled with sadness that
Angel was going to keep Cordelia forever. . .what was going to happen to her?
Would Spike decide he wanted to keep her for the rest of his unnatural life, or
would he move on to someone else?  She pushed those thoughts away, wondering
when would be a good time for her to subtly ask him.

"Reality stepped out of here five minutes ago?  Get out of my facial?  God,
Buffy, even *we* weren't *that* bad," Cordelia said, shuddering from the
thought of how she used to be.

Willow hung her head in shame for Buffy.  "Buffy, I can't believe you were
friends with them!"

"They were sheep. . .stupid sheep at that," Cordelia remarked.

Buffy crossed her arms.  "I was popular.  Cordelia, you know what it's like, to
be popular.  To have to hang with a certain class of people."

Cordelia hung her head.  "Yea, I know," she said softly.

Angel patted her back, pulling her to him.  "It's ok, Beautiful.  You aren't
like that anymore.  You are much, much better than that."

She smiled at him.  "Thanks."

Spike growled at the TV while Pike was trying to understand why Buffy was going
to the dance, and not fighting the evil undead from beyond the grave.  "What
part of dance don't you understand, wanker!" he yelled.  "She wants to dance!
I say if the Slayer wants to turn on her calling and dance, then let the bitch
dance!"  He didn't know what disturbed him more, the fact that Buffy was
turning on her calling - he had to admit to himself that she was quite
possibly, the best Slayer to ever live, or the face that Pike wouldn't let her
do what she wanted.

"Man," Buffy nodded towards the TV.  "He got the angst right.  Don't want to
kill vampires, don't want to kill anyone, *way* in over my head. . .but I
choose to be shopping?"

"You *chose* to shop?" Anya asked, completely baffled.  She hadn't known Buffy
as long as the others, and couldn't imagine the Slayer turning on her heel and
running from her destiny.

They watched as Benny stepped out of the photo booth, determining that Buffy
was the Slayer.  "I don't get it," Xander said.  "Lothos knows who Buffy is.
Why does it matter that he knows her name?"

Angel shrugged.  "I tried to figure that one out myself, Harris.  But then, if
they were *real* vampires, a name wouldn't have mattered.  They would have felt
her when she was around."

"What's with that stupid look on Benny's face?" Spike asked.  "Looks like he's
trying to be bloody scary."

"That's a look?  I thought it was just his face. . ." Angel snickered.  The
vampires of the movie still amazed him.  "I thought *our* fledglings were
stupid.  It's sad when he portrays a Master as stupid."

"So," Spike said, sitting back.  "Lothos wants to dance.  What a bloody poof.
You know, I think he uses the same hair gel you do, Peaches."  He smirked.

Angel glared at him, then glanced at the television.  "See!  Cordelia, I'm
telling you!  The tension between Lothos and Amilyn!  They were *so* doing it!"

"Especially if Amilyn was Lothos' childe. . ." Spike leered.  The two of them
looked at each other, letting the words sink in.  They looked away from each
other, both uncomfortable with the flashes of long days filled with blood and
sex.

Xander thought about that statement for a moment, before letting his face screw
up in disgust.  "You two did. . .I mean. . .EW!!"

Spike turned to Xander, his game face sliding on.  The thought that this mere
mortal would dare think that the glorious relationship he once shared with his
Sire a century ago angered him.  "That was a bloody century ago, whelp.  Things
were different then."

Xander snorted.  "How?  I'd think that two men doing it back then was much more
looked down upon than it is now."

Spike was out of his place on the couch and on Xander before anyone could
react.  "Listen here, you little piece of human dinner.  That's my bloody Sire
you are talking about.  He and I were *much* more than two bloody gits going at
it.  I'd thank you to leave your comments about the two of us to yourself."
His game face was dangerously close to Xander's, which was showing true
unadulterated fear.

Angel was shocked.  He'd never seen Spike defend their relationship, not since
he'd gotten the soul.  Something *had* changed the week before, and he was more
than eager to figure out what it was.  He glanced at Cordelia.  Would his mate
let him though?  Would she mind if he rediscovered the former relationship he
had with his childe?  He got up and went to Spike, placing his hand on the
angry vampire's back.  "William," he said softly, yet filled with a force Spike
hadn't heard in a century.  Spike turned his head, looking over his shoulder.
"Let the human go.  He has no concept of what a Sire and Childe are, and never
will."

Spike stood up.  "Thank bloody god."  He growled again, then went to sit next
to Willow.  She started brushing her fingertips over his still prominent
ridges, wanting to sooth him.  It wasn't long before the blonde vampire was
purring.

The gang all turned back to the television, all shocked at the display they had
just seen.  Cordelia cleared her throat.  "Wow, Buff. . .the dress. . .it's um.
. .awful?"

"No, it was *not*!" she cried, pouting.

Riley leaned down.  "I. . .like the dress, Buffy," he lied.

"Shut up," she hissed softly.  "You do not!  It was hideous!"

Willow shifted in her chair.  "Buffy, you should have stayed and helped them
with the decorations.  The dance really is cheesy."

Buffy chuckled.  "I know.  You think Joss made it cheesy?  You should have seen
the way it *really* looked."

Anya stared at the screen, anger welling up in her very being.  The way Jeffrey
was treating Buffy, having called and left a message on her answering machine
about the two of them breaking up. . .  "HE BROKE UP WITH YOUR MACHINE!?"  She
turned to Buffy, her face a mask of fury.  "I have people who owe me some
favors.  I can have him taken care of."

Buffy giggled nervously.  "No, thanks, Anya.  But I will keep that in mind, you
know, if anyone ever pisses me off again."  She glared at Riley.

Riley shifted nervously.  "Come on, Buff. . .I'd never do that to you, you know
I love you."

Angel snorted from his corner.  Everyone looked at him.  "Sorry, sorry, I was.
. .laughing at something Cordelia said," he lied.  "What?  Leave me alone!  I'm
happy with my girl, thank you very much."  He wrapped his arm around Cordelia.
She smiled at him.

Cordelia started baaing at Jenny, who was scurrying off to be with Jeffery.
"Stupid sheep.  I can't believe she went out with your boyfriend!"

"Oooh, look, the poor Slayer, she's all by her bloody lonesome," Spike said.
He grinned when Pike walked into the gym.  "Oh, no, wait, Pike came to save the
day."

Angel's memories flashed to several years prior when Buffy fought the Master at
the Spring Dance.  "Buff, not a lot of luck with dances, huh?"

"Of course not," Cordelia whispered in his ear.  "Have you *seen* the dresses
she chooses to wear to them?"

Willow shuddered.  "And to think I used to think Luke Perry was hot."

Cordelia chuckled.  "Hey, I was a child of 90210!  I thought it too."

Anya frowned, not understanding why they were getting so wigged out about it.
"I think he's hot. . ." she started.

"No, please," Xander said.  "Don't start talking about Luke Perry.  Anybody but
him."

Anya grinned, leaning over Xander to poke Buffy.  "Let's talk about Christian
Slater then."  She chuckled.  Buffy glared at her.

"Oh, look," Spike drawled, bringing everyone's attention back to the movie
where the character of Buffy was currently standing by a wall amidst tacky
cardboard decorations. "Queen of the cardboard jungle. You wear your title
well, Slayer." He chuckled as she stuck out her tongue at him, for what had to
be the hundredth time that night.

"You're not like other girls." Pike murmured to the on screen Slayer.

Angel snorted. "It took him *this* long to realize she's not like other girls?
Of course she isn't! SHE IS THE SLAYER!" He rolled his eyes, knowing that
Buffy's taste in men had obviously changed by the time she met him. After all -
he was nothing like this brain dead, moronic, loser that she dated in LA.

"Are they gonna..?" Anya whispered, her eyes glued to the movie in front of
her.
"I think they are," Cordelia agreed, clutching Angel's hand as she watched the
scene play itself out.

"Buffy and Pike kissage!!" The former vengeance demon and the ex-cheerleader
chorused together, laughing.

Riley looked away from the screen, having no desire to see his girlfriend in
the arms of another man. "Can we not see or talk about Buffy's prior
'kissage'?"  Wrapping his arm around the blonde's shoulders, he whispered,
"What *did* you see in him?"

Having the good sense to blush, the Slayer put her head in her hands, groaning,
"Oh god." She heard her friends gasp and looked up to see that the fight scene
was starting. A student stepped into the gymnasium, his neck torn and bloodied.

"Look at all the blood.he's like a walking buffet!" Spike grinned, his own
bloodlust getting dangerously close to the front. "And the bloody whelp
realizes there are vampires! A-bloody-mazing!"  He watched as the doors to the
gym were thrown open and a group of vampires stood there, taunting the Slayer.
Pointing to one of the leather-clad females, Spike whispered to Willow, "Could
you wear some leather like that for me, sweets?"

The red head grinned, thinking she would be more than happy to comply with her
devilishly handsome boyfriend's request for more leather in her wardrobe.

"Yet another inconsistency," Angel sighed when the observation was made that
the vampires couldn't enter the school without being invited. "They could have
walked into the gym without being invited. A school. Public place. All seeking
knowledge can enter."

Giles cast a guarded glance at the vampire, his eyes briefly filling with
sadness. It was no secret that Jenny had been killed in the school. That she
hadn't been safe in the one place she had enjoyed. He swallowed the lump in his
throat, trying to remember that that had been Angelus and not the souled
vampire sitting only a few yards away.  He forced himself back to the movie,
glaring reproachfully at his charge when it was discovered she had no weapons
on her in the movie. "Buffy, I cannot believe you weren't prepared and yet
didn't get yourself killed."

"Well what I don't understand is why the minions just stood around watching her
fight!" Spike grinned maliciously. "Why didn't they just bloody kill her?" He
glared at the screen, hoping against hope for a different ending to the movie.
"Die, chit, die!  Bloody hell! Why does he taunt her instead of just killing
her?!?"

"Oh, like *you* never took the time to taunt us before attacking, Spikey?"
Willow smirked, remembering all the teasing banter that went on with vamps and
their victims.

"Yea, yea," The blonde vampire snickered. "Kiss my ass, Red."

Willow licked her lips, her tongue a pale pink flash in the dim lighting of the
room. She leaned in close to his ear, her hot breath tickling over his ear.
"Later, baby," she purred, her tongue darting out to lick over his cool lobe.

"Promises, promises, witch," Spike growled playfully. He moved to pull her into
his arms; barely remembering in time where he was and who he was with. Couldn't
throw the red head down and shag her in front of all her friends.  Groaning, he
turned back to the television. On the screen one of the many annoying girls in
the movie was screaming her head off. "I wish someone would just kill the
screaming chit."

The fictionalized Slayer had left the dance by that time, making her way to
where she just *knew* Lothos was hiding. Amilyn stepped forward, taunting her
anew. "Do you ever feel..less than fresh?"

"Less than fresh?!?" Anya groaned, tears forming in her eyes from the laughter
bubbling from her mouth.  She continued laughing past the point Buffy staked
the one armed vampire, the giggles only increasing in volume and intensity at
the drawn out death.

"Not that I condone the killing of my own kind," Spike grinned. "But this is, I
think, the best death scene I have seen in all my existence." He laughed out
loud, a sound most members of the Scooby gang had rarely had a chance to hear
without wondering what he was up to. They glanced at him warily, committing to
memory the sight of one of the fiercest vampires in history laughing himself to
tears over a campy movie.

Xander was almost rolling on the floor, tears streaming down his face. "Oh god,
Pee Wee won't die!!!!" he managed to gasp, his face red with the need to
breathe.

"And he kicks the wall?!?" Anya snickered. She had to agree with Spike, this
was one of the funniest death scenes she had ever seen - and she had been
around for a lot longer than him.

Angel looked around the room at the weird assortment of laughing friends, a
small smile gracing his perfect lips. "Die already! I like our way much better.
Stake through the heart - dust. Nice and simple."

"Very messy though," Cordelia giggled, giving her mate a smile. "Especially
when it's raining! Never comes out of most clothes!" She shook her head,
silently mourning all the outfits she had lost to dying vampires over the past
four years.

"No.no! Don't go to him!" Buffy moaned, watching her on screen self walk
towards Lothos. She remembered that moment with surprising detail. Her legs had
seemed to move of their own accord and she had had neither the willpower nor
the desire to not obey the master vampire. She had moved up to Lothos, baring
her neck to him as if he was as threatening as a small puppy.

"That's right, chit," Spike murmured, leaning forward in his seat, eyes glazed
with a faint tinge of hunger. "Bare your neck like a good little happy meal."

"It really is a wonder he didn't kill you, Buffy," Giles sighed. The scene
taking place was almost too much to witness. There she was, his Slayer, baring
her neck to a vampire almost willingly.

Spike nodded, his eyes knowing as he regarded the Slayer in front of him. "He's
right. It's a wonder he didn't kill you right away. Just stood there holding
you and spouting bloody romantic nonsense."
Leaning forward slightly, trying to get a better look at the screen, Angel
gasped. "He's wearing a cross around his neck! I never noticed that before." He
sighed.  "Joss is a dead man."

"Promise, Peaches?" The blonde haired vampire asked hopefully. He might not be
able to take part in the actual killing of the screenwriter, but he could
certainly watch his Sire tear him apart.

"No!" Willow gasped. "There will be no killing. None!" She glared sternly at
the two vampires before letting her expression soften just slightly. "Though
you are more than welcome to scare the hell out of him."

Cordelia couldn't suppress her groan as once again the fictional Buffy said
something less than intelligent. "Here we go. Fashion sense again."  She
smiled, smirking as the on screen Slayer used some hairspray to ignite Lothos
head in flames. "Though I guess in this case fashion sense was an actual
weapon."

"That *had* to hurt!" Spike growled, anger clouding him as the master vampire
in the movie shook off the effects of the fire. "The cross didn't hurt him
*and* his head caught on fire and he was fine. The person who wrote this was a
bloody moron."

"Even I'll agree with that," Riley muttered, still disturbed by the way the
movie portrayed his girlfriend.

The scene flashed to the gym where Buffy ran to.  Her and Pike were gathering
stakes, ready to kill Lothos.  The principal was walking around and finally
shut the screaming girl up by not too gently slamming her head against the
wall.  "Thank *bloody* god for the principal knocking the chit out!"

Lothos blew into the gym, knocking down a wall.  There were smoke and lights
surrounding him.  Anya turned to Angel.  "Can you break through walls with fog
and bright lights following you and stuff?" she asked, her eyes lighting up at
the idea of how badass she could make Angel become.  She imagined the vampire
detective in LA, sweeping in to rescue his victims with smoke and lights,
impressing the hell out of everyone.

"No," Angel replied with a tilt of his head.  He did wonder about the girl
Xander spent all of his time with.

Anya sat back with a sigh.  "No fun at all," she pouted.

Spike smirked at the way Lothos was portrayed in the movie.  "And you were
scared of this Lothos?  I'm scarier, and I have the bloody chip in my head."
He shook his head, his mind traveling back over time at all the vampires that
swept through various towns, and how they all thought they were scary, but were
mere whelps in his eyes.  < Of course, > he thought, glancing at his Sire, <
anyone who spent as much time around Angelus as I did and saw all the
destructiveness he did. . .well, I'm not scared of bloody much now. >

Angel sighed at Lothos.  "Again, not to say that humans should die, but why
doesn't Lothos just KILL THEM!?" he cried.  He put his head down and ran his
fingers through his hair.  He knew that he shouldn't have agreed to watch this
movie with the gang.  All of the stupid things Lothos did really riled his
demon up, made him ashamed of how stupid vampires tended to be.
Willow glanced at the older vampire.  "Not to say that *I* deserve to die. .
.but why didn't Angelus just snap my neck that night in the hallway?  Huh?  I
think it's a vampire thing.  You like to play with your food."

Angel's eyes darkened at the memory of holding Willow in his arms.  He could
almost smell the fear the redhead was radiating, even now, two years later.
"No, Willow," he said smoothly.  "It wasn't time to kill you yet.  You were
just a pawn in stringing the Slayer along.  It wouldn't have benefited me to
kill you.  Not at that point."

Spike growled dangerously, not liking the way the conversation was going.  He
pulled Willow to him, trying to wrap her in his arms enough so Angel would lose
that murderous look in his eyes.  "Angelus. . ."

Angel blinked.  "I'm. . .sorry," he said softly.

"Don't worry about it, Angel.  It's the past.  Things are different now.  *You*
are different.  I forgave you.  I mean, come on!  I'm sleeping with a man who
threatened me with a broken bottle and scared the shit out of me," Willow
smiled.  "I have a big heart."

"Thank bloody god," Spike murmured.

Xander turned to Angel, wanting to diffuse the situation before it turned
bloody.  They were calmer, but he could tell that Spike was still tense.
"Deadboy, you should wear a cape.  It would add to your image."

Angel stared at Xander for an almost a full minute.  He started to laugh as he
imagined going through LA wearing a cape.  Everyone looked at Angel somewhat
shocked, not ever having seen the vampire laugh unless it was Angelus.  His
laughter tapered off and he noticed everyone was staring at him.  "What?"

Giles clapped happily.  "I commend you, Buffy, for killing Lothos!"

Buffy blushed.  "Thanks, Giles.  As if you ever doubted me."  She turned back
to the screen, seeing Pike take her in his arms.  "NO!" she cried.  "I burned
the gym down!!  I did, I burned it *down*!"

Pike and Buffy on screen talked about who should lead in their dancing.  Both
decided they didn't want to.  Anya tilted her head.  "Call me stupid, but if
you don't lead, and he doesn't lead, who's going to lead?"

Buffy's response was to throw a pillow at the ex-demon.  Anya giggled, finally
feeling as if she were a part of the group.

Spike shook his head.  "Dancing with no bloody music. . .how effin' sappy can
you get, Slayer?"

Willow chuckled.

"And um. . .Buffy?  When you left, the sun was coming up.  What *did* you and
Pike do all day?" he questioned.

Buffy blushed.  "Nothing," she whispered, completely embarrassed.  "I swear!
Angel was my first!"

Cordelia rolled her eyes.  "And you see where that got us," she muttered.

Angel tensed slightly.  Cordelia turned, smiling at her mate.  "But that's
fine, cause I love Angelus as much as I love Angel."  She ran her fingers
through his hair comfortingly.

Angel smiled, his eyes closing at her touch.  It wasn't long before *he* was
purring softly.  She giggled, enjoying the noises that he made for her.  He
leaned forward, kissing her softly.  "And I love you, the sweet, sensitive
Cordelia, and the bitchy, crass Cordelia."  He chuckled.

She playfully slapped him.

"Buffy's mom?" Buffy cried, looking at the way they listed her mother in the
credits.  "My *mom's* name is JOYCE!  Joyce Summers!"  She sighed.  "And we
lived happily ever after.  Well. . .until mom and dad split.  And you all know
the rest."  She sighed again.  Riley hugged her.

It flashed to the lady at the local news station relating the events of the
dance for the people of Los Angeles.  One of Buffy's friends got on TV and said
that they looked like animals, and that he thought they were young Republicans.
"Young *Republicans!?" Spike yelled.  "We are *not* young Republicans!"  He
stood up, vamping.  "DO I LOOK LIKE A BLOODY YOUNG REPUBLICAN!?  I AM A BLOODY
VAMPIRE!"

Buffy narrowed her eyes, an idea forming in her head.  She'd have to speak to
Giles about it first, but figured he would allow her this one pleasure.

"Oh my god!" Anya cried.  "Jenny slept with Jeffery!  Buffy, *please* let me
call in a few favors!"

Buffy was about to answer him when the character Pee-Wee played flashed on the
screen, still trying to die.  Xander roared with laughter.  "Pee-Wee isn't dead
*YET*!"

Spike shook his head, sitting back down.  "Bloody wanker *still* isn't dead!"
He laughed.

Buffy turned to Giles.  It was now or never.  "Giles?  Can we go visit Joss?
Please?  We can make it a group field trip.  We will be good, I promise!"

Spike nodded his head.  "I think we should, Watcher.  We would play real nice,
I promise.  I'll even stop insulting the Slayer for a whole week."

Angel sat back with a grin.  He hoped that Giles would agree just so he could
see his childe try not to offend Buffy for a whole week.  "I have contacts.
Wouldn't be too hard to find him, Rupert."

Giles grinned.  He was eager to see Spike go Buffy-insult free for a week.  "I
think we might be able to arrange something."

"YES!" Buffy cried, jumping up.  "Hollywood, here we come!"

The gang laughed, all eager to correct Joss' inconsistencies.  For the first
time in a long time, the whole gang felt as if they were all an important part
of it.

Willow glanced at Cordelia.  "I think tonight went pretty well," she giggled.

"I would have to agree," Cordelia smiled.

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