Beauty And Horror [1/?]

Some things are for forever. Some aren't. It's amazing how long it takes you
to realise it. I mean *really* realise it. I feel like a traitor as I stand
here, looking in as always. It's been twenty years. Twenty years since I let
my cowardliness over take me. Twenty years since I tore too many hearts
apart. Twenty years too fucking late. I can see them all sitting around the
mansion. Books seem to be sprawled everywhere and there's music playing. As
I stand here, I wonder if they ever think of me. If they ever waste the time
that travels by so fast and yet so achingly slow. I wonder if they despise
me. Wish they could just put me into a room and tear in to me.

I laugh. Because I wish they could. Maybe it would take some of the guilt
away. My hands start to fidget. I want to press them up against the glass.
Let my non-existent breath smear the clearness and let myself become young
again. But I can't. This time I *need* to prepare myself. Because this time
I can't be the one on the outside looking in. Because somethings aren't
forever.

++++++++++++++++++++

"Any luck?" Buffy asks as she enters the room stretching slightly and
stifling a yawn.

"No," Giles replied looking up from a well worn book cradled in his hands.
"The council have called and informed me that they had hoped to have sent
someone over by now. But there's been problems. A dormant hellmouth has
opened in Liverpool and they have their hands full. There is apparently some
council members spread around near here, and one should have brought the new
Slayer here by the weekend."

"Any idea who?"

"No. There's a council headquarters in LA and they're sending whoever they
can spare."

"I guess it's better than nothing," she sighed.

"Good evening," Angel said greeting the two as he entered the mansion
that was cloaked with the night's darkness, only illuminated by the small
desk lamps around the room.

He wrapped his arms around Buffy's waist and pressed a kiss to her hair. "Is
she up yet?"

"No," She replied sighing, "But i'm guessing it's for the best. I didn't
hear her scream last night, though she wasn't in the best of moods when she
eventually went to bed." Buffy turned around in his arms so that she was
looking at him. "I feel so mean but sometimes... sometimes she's just..."

"What? Too much trouble than she's worth?" A voice asked from the entryway
to the room.

"Star go back to bed," Angel said tightening his hold on Buffy.

"Why? So you can pretend for a while that you don't have to look after me?
To pretend that your friend's fucked up demon-baby doesn't exist? That she
isn't the Slayer and she isn't dying? Well you can't." Star yelled angrily,
her eyes flashing black as she grew more annoyed.

"Don't you dare answer me back!" Angel said softly but growled under his
breath as he advanced towards her, only stopped by the small pressure of
Buffy's hand on his arm.

He turned around to look at Buffy, demon out and eyes amber.

"Let me?" She pleaded.

Angel turned back to look at Star throwing her an angry glance. "Okay..."

Star smiled triumphantly.

"But if I hear that you're stepping out of line you'll be wanting death to
be coming on swift wings." He walked over to one of the large leather
armchairs that sat in front of the fireplace and sat down, pressing the back
of his head close to the chair and inhaling deeply.

Buffy and Star exited the room nearly colliding with an incoming figure.

"Will you watch where the bloody hell you're going." Spike hissed.

"Spike..." Angel warned as his childe pushed past the two and threw
himself in to the arm chair opposite Angel.

"No open armed welcome then?"

"You know i've missed you," his voice softened before returning to its harsh
tone. "But I won't have you speaking like that to my mate."

"I know, I know." He reached into one of his duster pockets and retrieved
his lighter and a packet of cigarettes. "I've got to sat though it was
probably one of the worst things you've ever done turning her and then
letting her anchor her soul.... I mean, the bloody Slayer." He lit up as he
watched his sire, waiting for the inevitable questions.

"As you know fully well she gave me back my own soul, it was the least I
could do. Even after I let him take control." Angel grew quiet. "So..."

"So I didn't find her. Shit, where is she? I mean, the world's not that big
and it's been twenty years and not one sign."

Angel's facial expression didn't change but the keenest of observers could
see the small flicker that passed over his face so fast, that to blink you
would have missed it. Spike though had started to pace and remained
oblivious to everything.

Giles though noticed something but decided not to comment, knowing that this
wasn't the time to start dragging the past up.

"I mean, come on. No one can be that... invisible. Unless something
happened..." He trailed off not wanting to finish that thought as he shook
it out of his mind.

"You'd know."

"Master there's someone here to see you." The minion in the doorway paused
and looked between Angel and Spike.

"Show them in." Angel replied, before looking at Spike who rolled his eyes.

"I know..."

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