Parts: 21 - 28
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
~Part: 21~
Willow climbed the stairs slowly, her thoughts spinning. She had always felt quite comfortable in her dislike of Spike. He was nasty, evil, mean, and just all-around easy to not like. Plus, nobody else particularly cared for him either. So she was kind of following tradition with the Spike-disliking, right? But over the last couple of days he had opened up to her. Not a lot, but enough for her to realize that there was a real person there. Sure, an undead person, but apparently a person with real feelings.
Willow knew that empathy was one of her better qualities. It could also be her biggest downfall. She pondered that fact as she entered the Magic Box proper.
"Er, Willow?" Giles asked uneasily, bringing her attention to trio of watcher, slayer, and friend, who were sitting at the table to her left. Judging from their uneasy expressions, Willow assumed that Buffy and Xander had gone straight to Giles and told him some version of what they had found downstairs.
"Yes, Giles?" She answered, looking at the unhappy expressions on Buffy's and Xander's faces and suddenly having a really bad feeling. "What? Is this some sort of anti-vampire intervention?"
Giles sighed and began to reach for his eyeglasses. His hands stopped halfway and he pulled them to the table, where he steepled them together and contemplated the redhead. "Sometimes you're just too smart for your own good, I suspect. Here," he said as he pulled out a chair for her. "Have a seat, Willow."
Willow sat and faced each of the people at the table, looking them in the eye. She had done nothing wrong, after all. "Okay, out with it. What are you guys so upset about?"
"What, you mean finding you and the not-so-neutered wonder in bed together isn't enough?" Xander asked caustically. "I mean, I heard your story, but I'm not buying it."
"Just what are you implying, Xander?" Willow asked, her eyes beginning to sparkle with not-so-suppressed anger.
"Come on, Willow, this is Spike we're talking about here," Buffy reminded her.
"I *know* it's Spike. I was there, remember?"
"Yes, and that's what we'd like to talk to you about," added Giles gently as he tried to keep the discussion from turning into a full-fledged argument.
"Fine," Willow said in clipped tones. "Say what you have to say, and then let me go home. I'm tired and all this yelling is giving me a headache."
"Okay, I'll say it," Buffy said, looking at Willow, her tone of voice one that was not easily ignored. "I saw the look on Spike's face when you were asleep. He may have a chip in his head, but he's still dangerous. I don't want you to spend too much time with him. He might get ideas about you, and considering his past obsession with Drusilla, well, I don't want him focusing his attention on you. I know you probably think I'm way over-reacto girl here, but I'm just trying to look out for you, Will."
"Buffy, I appreciate your concern, I really do. But Spike and I are just friends. Hell, I'm not even sure if we're that. All I know is that he's been nicer to me lately, and I want to encourage that. Besides, Spike's one of us now, he's not bad anymore. And even if he were bad, he's chipped, he can't hurt me."
"No Wills," Xander protested, "he's not 'one of us' now, he's just hanging with us to make money and kill time. But someday the chip will be gone, and he'll be the same cold-blooded killer he was before."
"As for your 'friendship' with him, well that's just the type of thing we're uneasy about," Giles said nervously. "You probably think you're just being a friend to him, but Spike might want the relationship to be something more, and that could lead to trouble. You're young and, well, rather naive, and--"
"Wait right there, Giles," Willow told the watcher, her anger bubbling over and her tolerance reaching its limit. "I may be young, you're right, but I'm not the same naive little girl I was when you met me. I've grown. And--and I've done things. With people. I've had relationships. And I've learned things."
Xander reached over and put his hand on Willow's arm, drawing her attention away from the rather flustered watcher. "We know that, Willow. Really, we do. But we also know you have a soft heart, and someone like Spike can play on that very easily. What if the chip stopped working and became a free-range killer again? We just don't want you to get hurt."
"I guess you'll just have to trust me and my judgment then," she said as she pushed herself up and away from the table and walked out the door, leaving the others to look at each other in dismay.
"Well that went well," Xander said sarcastically. "It's a good thing that we don't work on a suicide hotline. I can't even imagine how many people we'd convince to kill themselves."
"We did as much as we could," Giles reassured his young charges. "Willow is right about one thing. Well, two things really. First of all, she *is* a smart girl. Second, she does have good judgment when it comes to people. I guess we will just have to trust her and her instincts and hope that she's right."
The watcher headed back into the storeroom. The minute his back was turned, Xander and Buffy exchanged a glance that said as clearly as any words could that they didn't want to leave Willow's fate up to blind luck. They were going to make sure their friend didn't do anything that would end up hurting her in the long run.
GaladrialGal: And then they had the nerve to tell me that they didn't trust my judgment.I certainly will be seeing you tomorrow, my little red-haired beauty, Spike thought happily. She was beginning to see him as something more than a demon, and he couldn't help but smile at the thought. The watcher, the slayer and the moron, though, they had better leave his girl alone. The little talk they had ambushed her with made his blood boil. Sure, he couldn't kill them himself, but he could always find someone who owed him a favor and would be glad to pay up.WTB2K: Wait, this is the guy that you bit that we're talking about? They were warning you away from him?
GaladrialGal: YES! I mean, I know it's weird, because I hated him, I really did. But now I'm thinking that he's really not as bad as I thought, and I want to get to know him better, but I'm not sure how.
WTB2K: And how does he feel about all this?
GaladrialGal: Um...I'm not sure. I mean, he's been nicer to me lately, but I don't know if it means anything, or if I'm just imagining it even. I wish I could just say something, ask him outright, but I'm just not good about doing things like that.
WTB2K: Why not? You're a great girl, Gal. Funny, smart, and I'm just guessing, but I bet you're a real looker. Any guy would be crazy not to be interested.
GaladrialGal: :::blushing::: Thanks WTB. You do good things for my ego :-)
WTB2K: Hell, I'm not just saying these things to be nice. I mean every word of it. You think I'd be wasting every night talking to you if you were anything less than fascinating?
GaladrialGal: Hey, that reminds me! Where were you last night? I mean, I know I was gone because I hurt my ankle and had to stay at a friend's house, but I didn't see an email from you or anything.
WTB2K: Didn't I tell you? Guess not, huh? Well I was sitting here writing you an email, and suddenly there was this boom, and then everything went dark. I guess one of those transformer things blew and a couple of blocks, including mine, were out of power for most of the night. And then, when I was finally able to get back online, there was no you and no email from you, and then I started to worry about why you hadn't emailed me.
GaladrialGal: :::laughs::: I was worrying about you, and you were worrying about me. How silly is that?
WTB2K: Okay, it's only a nasty rumour, but I hear that's what friends do. They worry about each other.
GaladrialGal: Ya think?!? Well, we must be friends then.
WTB2K: Guess so.
GaladrialGal: Okay, so I'm dead tired...time to get to bed. Talk to you tomorrow?
WTB2K: Sure thing. Goodnight.
GaladrialGal: G'night :-)
Then he thought of how Willow would feel if something happened to her friends. The look of misery, the tears that would fall from her eyes. No, as much satisfaction as it would give him to kill them all, he knew that he couldn't do it. Because it would make her cry. Dammit, he was becoming as big of a poof as he'd always accused Angel of being. Someone needed to stake him right quick, put him out of his misery.
~Part: 22~
Willow smiled as she made her way through the door and into the Magic Box the next afternoon, her previous anger at her friends' meddling completely forgotten. She had aced her biology test this morning, and then registered for the new term at noon. Surprisingly enough, she had gotten almost every class she had tried for. Now she was going in for a couple of hours of research, and then home for an early night.
Movies, she thought. A movie or two tonight might be fun. I haven't had a good movie night in way too long, really. Willow could almost taste the popcorn already, an imaginary mouthful of salty and buttery goodness. Maybe she could get one of those films with all the stuffy British actors in it, like Gosford Park or Emma. She had adored both of those movies, with their droll English sense of humor and the oh-so-civilized accents. The accents made even the most rude insult sound almost like a compliment, she thought. She remembered some of the zingers that Spike had thrown at Buffy. The blonde slayer often managed to miss the point entirely, taken in by the polite, cultured tone of the British vampire's voice.
"Hi Giles," she called into the storeroom, watching as he carefully counted inventory and entered it into a ledger. Willow had offered numerous times to set up a computerized inventory system for Giles, but he had refused categorically, insisting that using a pen and paper were good enough for his father when he wanted to write something down, and they would be good enough for Giles as well. After the third or fourth offer on her part, the older man had become positively testy, so Willow finally gave up and left him to his precious pen and paper.
"Ah, good afternoon, Willow," he said, glancing back over his shoulder at her. "The books I mentioned earlier are on the table already. If you could just look for any reference to a Carrara demon, particularly any text that also mention the Jefnel demon, that would do nicely. Any questions?"
"Nope, I've got it, boss," Willow called back happily as she grabbed the books from the table. She made for one of the comfortable lounge chairs and sank into it with a sigh of contentment. These chairs really were such a blessing when it came to research time. She pulled up the matching ottoman and stretched her legs out comfortably, opening the first book and beginning to read.
~~~*~~~
Four hours and five books later, Willow's eyes were starting to swim. She had found four references that should have Giles giddy with excitement. Well, excited in an entirely proper British watcherly kind of way, she amended. The tired young student dropped the last book down to join the pile by the side of her chair and closed her eyes briefly. Now all she needed was someone to massage her aching temples. Maybe she could mention it to Giles, she thought with a grin. If she, Xander, Spike and Buffy all banded together, maybe they could form their own union and force that slave-driver of a watcher to hire someone to give them massages while they researched. She giggled at the thought.
Suddenly Willow felt cold hands on her temples moving in comforting circles. She wanted to protest, or at least open her eyes, but she could feel the tension leave her forehead as the hands continued their ministrations, and in the end she just decided to relax and let the talented fingers do their work. She was reasonably sure that it was Spike who was providing her relief. Cold hands were almost unheard of in the warmth of Sunnydale, but of course vampires were immune to the sun's charms. And while the blond wasn't the only vampire in town, far from it in fact, she knew that he was the only one who would take the time to try to make her feel better. The rest of them would be far more interested in draining her and leaving her bloodied corpse somewhere the slayer was sure to find it.
Driving her mind away from such unpleasant thoughts, Willow concentrated once again on the feel of the fingers on her forehead. He knew just exactly how much pressure to apply, where to apply it, and for how long before moving his fingers to the left or right slightly. How did he know, she wondered?
"Thanks Spike," Willow sighed as his fingers finished their work. "That felt *so* good. If I had known sooner about your 'abilities' I would have had you doing this much earlier," she said playfully, tilting her head all the way back to smile up at him shyly.
"I've got all kinds of 'abilities' ya know, luv," he reminded her, looking down at her upturned face and giving her his trademark smirk. He watched curiously as the redhead's face turned from pale pink to bright red, and then smiled when she pulled her head back down and hid it from his view.
"So what are you up to tonight?" he asked, coming around to perch on the edge of the ottoman. "Dancing with the moron and the slayer? Research night here? Home and studying?"
"Well, I thought maybe I'd go watch some movies," she told him, curious to find out the reason for his sudden interest in her activities.
He eyed her thoughtfully, wondering if she would be willing to go out with him somewhere public. Well, only one way to find out, he thought. Might as well take the plunge. "Nope. I refuse to let you stay home alone and watch movies. We need to go out and do something. Maybe a walk in the park, or a trip to the beach, an arcade, something."
*We*? When did he and I become a 'we' Willow wondered. Well, it would be nice to go out with someone besides Buffy and Xander, she thought, and maybe it would be fun. "Okay, I give," she said with a smile. "What do you want to do?"
"Doesn't matter to me, really. What do you want to do?"
No, I refuse to play this game, she thought to herself. Every time she, Buffy and Xander got together, they'd play this long, drawn-out game of 'where do you want to go?' Each of them would say that they didn't really care, and nobody would want to make the choice of where to go, so they'd just sit there for a good half an hour as each of them expressed their lack of willingness to make a decision.
"Nope, you brought this up, you're going to have to make the decision," she told him adamantly.
Damn, he thought. Hadn't expected to have to actually come up with a place. Well, where do I take the girl? I suppose Mistress Kathleen's House of Pain is out of the question? Yeah, probably not a good suggestion. Think, he told his sluggish brain. Something fun, something where she could laugh, something...he had it. He wasn't sure if she'd ever been, but it wasn't far-out enough that it would make her nervous, and it was definitely someplace where she could laugh and have a good time.
"Okay, I'll make the decision, but if you don't like it, you're not allowed to whine about it later, all right?"
"Well, I guess," she said rather uncertainly. He wouldn't take her to some weird sex club or vampire hangout, would he? "Where are we going, then?"
"Now that would be spoiling the surprise," Spike told her with a wink. He got to his feet and held out his hand. She grasped it and allowed him to pull her to her feet.
~~~*~~~
Willow looked at the outside of the old bowling alley with amusement. "Bowling? You're taking me bowling?" she asked in surprise, a small smile playing at the edges of her lips.
"What? Vampires can bowl!" he told her, on the defensive now. Damn, she hated the idea, he thought despondently. Time to come up with a backup plan.
"It's not that I didn't think they could," she backpedaled apologetically, "I just never thought about it. C'mon, let's go in and get a lane." She grabbed his hand and led him eagerly towards the door.
Hmmm...maybe it wasn't such a bad idea after all, he thought, reveling in the feel of her soft warm hand surrounding his.
~Part: 23~
"Willow," Spike said silkily, getting the feeling that he had been 'had.' "You never told me that you already knew how to bowl."
"Well you never asked," she said happily, sticking out her tongue at the scowling vampire, before turning sharply and rolling her ball down the lane for yet another strike.
They were just starting their third game, and Willow had wiped the floor with him during the first two. True, Spike had never played regularly, but with his reflexes and hand-eye coordination he still figured he ought to be able to beat the little redhead at least once.
He had to admit that win or lose; he was having a good time. She looked adorable in her little bowling shoes, and the dark green ball she used set off her hair quite attractively. She seemed happy, which was something he didn't see all that often. And listening to her giddy laughter as she threw strike after strike was something that he would gladly spend an evening doing, even if it was a bit of a blow to his masculine pride.
"So you *are* a bowling shark, aren't you?"
"A what?" she asked, doing that cute crinkle thing with her nose again.
"You know, a bowling shark. Like a pool shark, only with bowling," he said, as if that would explain everything. She just gave him an amused look and motioned him to take his turn.
He walked up to his ball and grasped it in a way that brooked no argument. He was going to bowl a strike this time, he told himself. No cute little chit's gonna get the best of the Big Bad. Not this time.
He put his serious face on and calculated the exact amount of thrust and the direction to apply it. Then he said, "Sod it," and just let the ball fly. Surprisingly enough, it actually went where he had intended it. As he watched in quiet amazement, all 10 pins clattered to the ground. A big smile split his face, and he turned to face his challenger.
"See there, I can do that too," he told her, pointing back towards the fallen pins, smiling ear to ear. "Just didn't want to show you up, is all," the blond added with a smirk.
She looked at him, her competitive juices beginning to flow. Those who didn't know her that well or that long might be surprised, but she could be quite competitive. Xander, for one, would never forget the time that he and Jesse had told her that she couldn't run as fast as they could. She had proven them wrong, posting the best time in their 6th grade class when they had their annual competition. After that, both boys tried hard to avoid competitive situations with Willow. She had a nasty tendency to win, and they just didn't like it.
Willow smiled indulgently at Spike and grabbed her own ball, walking slowly towards the lane. All her concentration was on her steps and releasing the ball properly, but suddenly something went wrong. The bowling shoes, which were new and terribly slick, slipped off the floor, and as she released her ball, she fell hard onto her ass with a solid 'thud.'
Damn new shoes, she thought angrily as she got to her feet. She looked over at Spike and saw that he was laughing at her, long chuckles of amusement, his crystal blue eyes sparkling with merriment. How dare he, she fumed.
'Uh oh,' he thought. 'Better wipe that smile right off my face; she looks pissed.' He watched as she stalked over to him. He might be taller, but at that moment she looked ten feet tall, and all ten feet were in a right nasty mood. "Um, you okay, luv?" he asked, trying too little, too late, to make amends for his earlier laughter.
"Just peachy," she snapped at him. "And I'm glad you got a little amusement out of my pain," she added testily.
"C'mon, Willow, it was just a little fall. No bones broken, no permanent damage. Not to you, anyway. Not so sure about the floor."
He walked over to the spot where she'd landed and made a play of inspecting it in great detail. "Nope, not even a dent," he assured her solemnly.
Willow couldn't help it. She had to giggle. She wanted to be mad at him still, damn it. But he just looked so somber and serious standing there that she just had to laugh. Damn him for cajoling her out of a good snit, she thought.
"See there, I knew you couldn't stay mad at me for long," he told her smugly, laying his arm casually across her shoulders as he walked her back to the ball return.
"Yeah, yeah, well you got a good laugh at my expense," she commented, "But I'm still going to win this game, so who's going to be laughing then, huh?"
~~~*~~~
By the end of the third and final game, they were *both* laughing. Willow had managed to beat Spike yet again, but he decided it didn't bother him all that much, since it seemed to make her happy.
After the game he convinced her to sit with him and have a drink in the bar, and right now she was happily telling him stories about her childhood exploits with Xander and Jesse.
The further into her tale she got, more animated her face became. Soon her light skin was almost luminous in its excitement. Or maybe it was the alcohol, he thought sardonically. Either way, she was quite a sight to behold.
"Why you wasted so much time pining for the moron is beyond me," he told her. "The idiot obviously never deserved you."
She blushed slightly and ducked her head down, as if trying to avoid the compliment. "He was my best friend since forever. I always figured that one of these days he's wake up and realize that we were perfect together. Then Buffy came to town, and Jesse died, and I guess things have never been the same since." She looked sad now, her lower lip quivering slightly, her eyes getting that far-away look that they sometimes did. At that moment she looked more like the child she had just been talking about and less like the smiling, competitive pixie girl who had just wiped the bowling alley floor with him not half an hour before.
"But now you've got this guy you've been talking to online, right? I mean, you haven't met yet, you said, but it sounds like you're getting pretty close. You talk a lot, don't you?"
"Almost every night," she agreed. "Except night before last. I was busy with you, and he couldn't get to a computer."
"Well it sounds like it's getting pretty serious to me then. Do you two have any plans to meet up? See if you like each other?" Hell, he thought, it wouldn't hurt to plant the idea in her mind, even if she didn't take it up right away.
"I don't think I want to," she said softly, her eyes again falling to the table in front of her. "I mean, what if we meet and he doesn't like me, and then he never wants to talk to me?"
'Damn Xander,' thought Spike resentfully. 'He sure did a number on her self-confidence. Maybe he never meant to, but he still managed to make her retreat into that childhood girl when it came to dealing with men. Poor chit is afraid to even meet the guy for fear of rejection. I've gotta do something about that sooner or later, or she'll *never* want to meet WTB.'
"Willow," he called softly, pulling her out of whatever inner thoughts she had been torturing herself with, "Just because the moron didn't know a good thing when he saw it, doesn't mean that this guy won't. He obviously likes you, or he wouldn't be spending so much time with you. And once he sees you, I'm sure he'll be even more crazy about you."
"Thanks Spike." She looked at the blond, really looked at him, and realized that he was trying to make her feel better. The fact that he would actually take the time to do that gave her a little boost, and she smiled at him. "Guess I'm being a bit too defeatist, huh?"
"We all have our moments," he agreed nonchalantly. "So honestly, why do you really think he wouldn't be interested in you? Because from where I sit, there's no reason why he shouldn't."
"Well, I kind of think he's losing interest. I mean, that other night he wasn't even around. And when I asked him where he was, I think he just made up an excuse. So maybe he has a real-life girlfriend or something."
She hadn't believed him, he thought incredulously? Well, yeah, true, he had lied to her, but still, she ought to have at least done the courtesy of believing him until he was proven wrong, Spike thought self-righteously.
"Well I don't know why you would automatically assume he wasn't interested anymore. I mean, stuff happens. You know that better than anyone."
Inwardly he was cursing himself. Power outage. Yeah, it really was a pretty lame excuse, but it had been the best he could come up with under pretty short notice. Give a demon a break, he wanted to tell her.
"Yeah, but it's hellmouthy stuff that happens here. And those things don't happen where he is. So he came up with that lame excuse, and I'm not buying it." The determined line of her chin told him that she was serious, and he set out to somehow change her mind.
"Willow, things like that happen every day. A car crashes into a power line, a transformer blows, some kid with a computer decides that he wants to play around and see what he can do. Don't penalize the guy because of something silly like a power outage."
Willow sat stock-still and stared right at him, shock and bewilderment on her face. "How..." she whispered, trying to put the pieces together.
Spike didn't realize his mistake immediately, but he knew he had done something wrong. Something big. Something monumentally stupid, judging from the way she was looking at him. He looked back at her and arched an eyebrow in her direction.
"I never told you what the excuse was," she said slowly, wonderingly. Her face began to twist in hurt and anger, and then she quickly blanked it completely, and he was face-to-face with a mask, something that he'd never seen from her before. She'd always been an awful liar and had never been able to pull a poker face. Apparently she was learning though, because at that moment he had no idea what she was thinking or feeling, other than that brief glimpse of pain and anger she had shown him.
"So WTB," she asked, her voice flat and emotionless as her face, "How long have you known that I was GaladrialGal?"
~Part: 24~
Spike groaned softly as Willow looked at him with accusing eyes. "You knew who I was all along, didn't you, you bastard?" she asked angrily. She got up suddenly, her knee hitting the table and sending the glasses wobbling. Without another look or word to the blond vampire, she walked purposefully towards the exit.
"Well that just turned to crap, now didn't it?" he remarked to nobody in particular. He rummaged through his wallet and pulled out a couple of bills, throwing them hurriedly onto the table, before heading out the door to catch the angry redhead.
Damn, she was moving fast. She was already half a block away from the bowling alley, running as fast as her legs would take her. Spike ran to his car, started it, and quickly pulled onto the road. When he finally caught up to her, she was a block away, working her way through an industrial park. The large buildings were quiet in the dark of night, but Spike hated to think of what dangers might be lurking in the shadows.
He pulled the car to a stop slightly in front of her and got out, determined to have this out. "Willow," he called to the still-running girl. She refused to look at him though, just running past him as if he weren't even there.
Sighing in exasperation, his patience quickly eroding, Spike got into the car again and pulled up even with her. He opened the passenger window, the car easily keeping pace with the young woman, who was now beginning to slow a bit. "Willow," he called again. Still she ignored him. "Get. In." he told her, through clenched teeth. Her stubbornness was beginning to piss him off royally, and the longer she defied and ignored him, the angrier he was becoming.
They continued on, Spike driving in slow motion; Willow walking quickly down the street, refusing to even look at the vampire. The streets were deserted at this time of night, so nobody was there to witness their rather silly confrontation. Hell, if his friends could see him now, he thought. They'd get a laugh out of it, all right.
"I'll just drive right along next to you, all the way home, whether you look at me or not, Willow. You might as well get in, or you're gonna be dead tired by the time you get home."
Still she ignored him, staring straight ahead as she increased her pace and began to run again.
'Okay, she's a smart girl. Give her a logical argument. That ought to help,' Spike thought. At any rate, it can't hurt.
"So here's the deal," he began, calming his voice with considerable effort. "I can drive right alongside you for as long as you can walk home. It's probably a couple of miles, so you'll have to listen to me for what, twenty or thirty minutes? But if you get into the car here, I'll get you home in considerably less time, and then you won't have to listen to me anymore. You can go inside and sulk to your heart's content."
Sulk? He thought she was sulking? Did he not realize the magnitude of what he had done? The trust he had betrayed? The way he had made her feel?
"I'll sit in the car, but I'm *not* going to talk to you," Willow told him, coming to a stop. She waited for the car to stop and when it did, she wrenched the door open angrily, slamming it behind her once she was seated.
"That wasn't so difficult now, was it luv?" he asked quietly, trying to bring her out of her anger.
"Don't call me luv. Or pet. Or Red. Any of those cutesy little names you like to throw around. I'm not your luv, or your pet, or your...ANYTHING!" Her voice was loud and angry, and her hands shook with the force of her emotions.
Spike looked at her impassively, finally deciding to leave her alone. She was too mad at him right now for her to be able to see anything except what she saw as his 'betrayal.' Maybe he'd be able to reason with a calmer Willow in the morning. That was his plan, at any rate.
"Fine, Willow," he said, sarcasm dripping off of the final word, "I won't call you anything. In fact, I think this is your stop," he added as the car approached the front of her house.
The young woman didn't even wait for the car to stop before pulling open the car door and getting out. She slammed the door behind her with startling strength and ran quickly up the steps and into her home.
"Well you're welcome," Spike said bitterly, watching her disappear inside the house. Somewhere, some part of him deep down inside realized that she had a bit of a right to be angry, but at the very least she owed him a chance to explain. At least that was the way that *he* saw it. He suspected that she saw things a little differently.
***********
Willow let out a shaky breath as she closed the front door behind her. Now that she was away from him she could give way to the tears that had been threatening to spill from her eyes for the last fifteen minutes. Tears brought on by anger, humiliation and sorrow. God, he must think I was the most naive, gullible person in the world, she thought. Must've gotten quite the laugh out of all the things she'd told him.
Oh no, she thought, as she curled up onto the couch. All the stuff I told him! All the SEX stuff I told him. Things that I could never say to anyone else. But it was okay to say it to him because he was *safe*. Nobody would ever know. Yeah, wasn't *that* a laugh, she thought bitterly. She'd never be able to look him in the eye again.
And what if he said something to one of the others. Oh, say in the course of casual conversation. Just a little talk about sex, and suddenly he could blurt out something along the lines of, 'Oh, Willow here may act like she's all pure and innocent, but she likes a little bit of pain when she masturbates. Told me so herself, she did.' The redhead groaned in dismay as fresh tears began to flow from her eyes.
~Part: 25~
Willow was going crazy trying to get some sleep. Her confrontation with Spike that evening danced in front of her eyes every time she tried to close them. She thrashed about on the bed, her body searching for some new position it hadn't tried yet, desperate for sleep. But as usual, when she really wanted to sleep, craved it like a drug, it slipped away from her, taunting her somewhere just out of reach.
She had cried all she could; tears of anger and tears of humiliation had left her feeling wrung out and weary. But sleep just would not come to her.
Finally, in an act of desperation, she got up and went to the computer. Maybe, she thought hopefully, she could find something to distract her from everything going on. Some new game, or a story, or something, anything that would make her relax and put her back in that sleeping frame of mind.
She logged into her email, surprised to find several emails from WTB. They sported subject lines from the very simple and innocuous 'PLEASE' to the rather desperate 'JUST READ THIS FIRST BEFORE YOU DELETE IT'. Frowning, she highlighted each of them and firmly hit the 'delete' key. He was the *last* person in world she wanted to think about right now.
And yet, think about him she did. Willow couldn't blame herself for not realizing sooner that Spike was WTB. There certainly hadn't been any obvious clues. Sure, he was British, but so were millions of other people. And yes, she had known that WTB was on the west coast, but again, so were hundreds of other British people. Even Giles fit those criteria, for heaven's sake.
She thought back now to the things that he had told her about himself. How he was in 'security.' Yeah, what a laugh. Leave it to Spike to bend the truth just enough to suit his purposes, she thought grimly, ignoring the fact that she had done the same.
Suddenly a lightbulb went off in her head, and she realized the exact moment that he must have known. It must have happened the night that she told him that she had bitten her 'bully' at 'work'. After she said that, he had quickly logged off. At the time it had seemed odd, but now she realized that it must have been because he had put the pieces together and knew who she was.
But why hadn't he told her who he was? That was the part that she didn't understand. Why make it such a big mystery? Was he afraid that if he'd told her he was, she would have stopped talking to him? 'And isn't that exactly what happened?' a small part of herself reminded her.
'Stop it,' she scolded. 'I'm not not talking to him because of that. I'm not talking to him because he lied to me after he found out.'
Her attention drifted back to the computer when she heard a soft chime,
and looked up to see an instant message box appear. 'Speak of the
devil,' she thought bitterly, 'and he's sure to make an appearance.'
WTB2K: Willow? You there?
She did nothing, just looked idly at the words
on the screen. This was how it had all started. It had seemed
so very innocent. Talking to a stranger. Nothing to fear from
a stranger. You can tell me anything, he had reminded her, and nobody
would ever know.
WTB2K: You're there, I know you are. C'mon, give me a chance. Don't I at least deserve a chance to plead my case?
'Don't respond, don't respond, don't respond,'
she told herself, sitting on her hands in an effort to control her body's
need to talk back to him.
WTB2K: I sent you an email. Well, okay, a couple of emails, really. But they all basically said the same thing. Did you read them?
Finally she could stand it no more.
She felt a desperate need to hurt him, make him hurt the way that she was
hurting. It was small and petty, but it was real and strong.
GaladrialGal: I deleted them. Leave me alone.WTB2K: I knew you were there. Did you really delete them all? Didn't read even one of them?
GaladrialGal: What are you, deaf--make that blind? I deleted them. All of them. Without reading them. And if you send more, I'll delete them too. I just want you to leave me the hell alone.
WTB2K: Sorry, can't do that. Won't do that.
WTB2K: I need to see you. Talk to you, face to face. Explain why I didn't tell you who I was.
GaladrialGal: That is *so* not going to happen. You've done enough already. Just leave me alone.
And then before he could type anything more, she was gone.
The words 'user no longer online' flashed cruelly before his eyes as he
looked at the computer. 'If computers are so bloody smart,' he thought
angrily, 'then how come they've caused me so much damn trouble?'
Well, it doesn't matter, he told himself. She couldn't ignore
him forever. Circumstances would bring them together soon enough,
and when that happened, he'd tell her exactly what he needed to tell her.
All he had to do first was figure out what that was.
*******
Willow was in hiding. Maybe not literally, but it was pretty
close. She went to school each day and came immediately home; no
stops at the Magic Box, no patrolling with Buffy, no going out after dark
at all, and no going *anywhere* that she might meet up with Spike.
She knew that she was being kind of silly; she would have to face him eventually,
but she just wasn't ready yet.
Until then, her plan was to hide.
*******
Buffy stood at the door of Willow's parents' house. Her friend had been acting strangely for days now, and Buffy was not going to let it go on. She needed to know what was going on with Willow so that she could fix it. If she couldn't fix it, maybe she could at least help the redhead deal with whatever it was that had gotten her so upset. It almost reminded her of the time that Oz had left her. But that couldn't be the problem; Oz was long gone, and time had healed that particular wound eventually.
But, Buffy thought, what if it was something similar? Maybe that guy she was 'seeing' online had dumped her or hurt her somehow? Killing the bastard was out of line, she figured, but at least she could do her best to make sure that Willow was handling things okay.
Her mind made up, Buffy rang the doorbell and waited.
"Um, hi Buffy," Willow said as she opened the door. The blonde stepped inside and watched her friend surreptitiously as she closed the door. "What's wrong?"
"Why does something have to be wrong for me to come by and say hi, Willow? I've missed you, that's all. You haven't been around lately. Everyone's been wondering where you've gone off to."
"Everyone?"
"Yes, everyone. Xander says he's called and talked to you a couple of times, even made you promise to stop by the Magic Box, but nobody's seen you. Giles would like some help on some text that he's trying to decipher. And Spike..." she let the sentence end there, not sure what to say about Spike. The vampire had been pestering her constantly, telling her that there was something wrong with the redhead. He couldn't, or wouldn't, tell her what though. Buffy halfway suspected that he and her friend had had some sort of a run-in, but without any proof, she couldn't act on her suspicions. Staking first and asking later sounded good in theory, but in practice it might cause some problems.
"Spike? What has Spike said?" the redhead asked, concern and fear mixing in her voice.
Fortunately for Spike, the slayer was too distracted with her own thoughts to catch the emotions in the redhead's voice. "Nothing, really. He was just wondering where you were. Just like me," she reminded her friend. "So tell me, Will, what the hell's going on with you?"
~Part: 26~
"So tell me, Will, what the hell's going on with you?"
"Wh-what do you mean, Buffy?" Willow asked nervously, worrying her bottom lip with her teeth. "N-Nothing's going on. Nothing! Nope, this is a goings-on-free zone," she added with a bright smile. Too bright a smile, judging from the concerned look on Buffy's face.
"I knew it!" the blonde cried, pouncing on Willow's reaction. "Xander said that you just needed some time alone, but we all know that men are jerks, right?" she asked, pretty sure that her friend would agree wholeheartedly. This *had* to have something to do with a guy, she thought. Willow never acted like this unless there was testosterone involved.
The redhead sighed, and Buffy felt a pang of sadness for her hurting friend. "C'mon, Will," she said, pulling the young hacker into a loose hug, and then leading her to the sofa. "Tell me all about it. See," she said, pointing at her shoulders, "two shoulders to cry on. No waiting."
Willow smiled at the rather weak joke, but she did appreciate the effort. Talking to Buffy might make her feel better, maybe. As long as she didn't name any names. She hated Spike right now, but she didn't want him to turn into a little pile of dust. And that's precisely what would happen if she told Buffy the truth, the whole truth, and nothin' but the truth, she suspected.
"Okay, yeah, it's about a guy," she began hesitantly, looking down at her hands, which twisted nervously in her lap with a life of their own.
She missed the momentary flash of triumph that flitted through Buffy's eyes. The words 'Damn, am I good or what?' echoed through Buffy's satisfied mind. But this is about Willow, she reminded herself. I've gotta be a good friend for Willow. She deserves that.
"Is it that guy you met online?" Buffy guessed, reasonably sure that Willow wasn't seeing anyone else. She could tell by the way that Willow's head jerked up that she was right on target with her suspicions. "What happened, Willow? I thought you two hadn't met. Unless you did, and you just never told anyone."
Again, Willow's overly expressive face gave her thoughts away.
"Oh god, Willow, no, don't tell me you met him! And without backup?!" Fear made the slayer's voice harsh and angry. "Do you have any idea how stup--hell, you grew up on the hellmouth, you know *exactly* how stupid it was." She stopped her rant when she saw the look on Willow's face. Her lips were trembling and her luminous green eyes were swimming with barely suppressed tears.
"Willow," she moaned, her voice softer and more forgiving, "I'm so sorry. You finally talk to me about what's bothering you and then I come across like some kind of mothering uber-bitch. That's not what I meant to do, but you just made me so scared. You're my best friend in the world, and if anything had happened to you..." she babbled, trying to pull herself together, while at the same time trying to reassure Willow that she *could* be a good, comforting friend when needed.
"Don't worry, Buffy, nothing happened. And it wasn't like I purposefully went out to meet him. It wasn't like that. I'm not that stupid. I just ran into him, and I found out who he was, and--well, he wasn't what I expected."
"Wasn't what you expected?" the blonde said, repeating Willow's words back to her. "But if you didn't purposely set up a meeting with him, how did you 'run into' him? And when you *did* run into him, how did you know it was him?" Buffy asked, the wheels in her head turning and turning. "Unless," she added, a satisfied smile coming to her face, "He was someone you knew already, and he said something that clued you in to the fact that he was your guy," she surmised, watching Willow's face for a reaction of some sort. Her questions were answered when the redhead again ducked her head down, a frown on her lips.
"Yes," Willow agreed quietly, "It was someone I knew already."
"Oh god, it's not Xander is it? Because that would be...well, just icky. I mean, he's cute, in a kind of goofy way, but it would be like kissing your brother. If you had a brother, that is."
Willow smiled at Buffy, but her face was still rather grim. "No, it wasn't Xander. Although there was a time that I would have given everything I owned to make him see me that way. But no, it was someone else. And that's all I'm saying."
The blonde saw the determined glint in her friendâ?Ts eyes and decided not to waste any more time on that avenue of discussion. Maybe Willow wasn't ready to talk about it just yet, but sooner or later she'd pry the information out of her. She was a patient girl, she told herself. She could wait.
Switching tactics slightly, Buffy's questions took a new direction. "So what do you mean when you say he wasn't what you expected?" she asked, and then looked on in alarm when the Willow's face got sad again, her eyes again welling with unshed tears.
"He just wasn't who I thought he was," she answered cryptically.
Buffy pondered that for a moment, and then an alarmed look crossed her face. "He's not like that other online 'friend' you had, is he? Because if we need to get into research mode, we can do that. I'll just make up something to tell Giles, and we can find out something, and whatever this guy is, we'll take care of him--"
Willow laughed softly, putting out a hand to stop Buffy's rambling reassurances. "Don't worry, Buffy, he's not *that* evil." Not anymore, at least, she added silently. She wondered what would happen if his chip malfunctioned. He'd told them all that they would suffer a bloody death at his hands should that ever happen. When that happened, she corrected herself. It was bound to happen sooner or later. A computer couldn't go more than a year or two without some piece or other malfunctioning. How long would it take the chip to do the same?
That answer seemed to calm the slayer a bit, and she brought her attention back to Willow again. "So instead of being a hellmouthy type of beast, he's just a plain ol' garden variety asshole, is that it?"
Willow smiled sadly. "Yup, that pretty much sums it up," she agreed, glad that her friend wasn't asking for any more details. Details that she was not willing to give.
"So why have you been avoiding us all, then?" Buffy asked, still sure that Willow wasn't telling her everything. "If it's not Xander, then---oh god, it's not GILES is it?" she shrieked, her hands flying up to cover her mouth in shock.
Willow giggled then, terribly amused by the horrified look on her friend's face. "No, it's *so* not Giles. Not that that would be all bad. I mean, Giles isn't that bad looking for his age. In fact, I bet he was a real hottie when he was younger." The redhead felt a need to stand up for the watcher who had been her friend and mentor all these years. Plus, she had to admit to feeling a bit of amusement at the look on Buffy's face.
Buffy just shot her a skeptical look and added, "If you say so," before turning back to the previous subject. "So if it's not Xander and it's not Giles, then why do you seem to be avoiding us?" She stopped suddenly, making a show of sniffing under her arms. "Nope, I'm in full non-stinky mode, so it can't be that. So what gives?"
Willow thought carefully about her response. She needed to come up with something believable that would cover her absence without giving away the identity of her online 'friend.' Buffy was so close to the truth already. If she just gave it a bit more thought, she'd probably figure it out all on her own.
"Well," she began, making her voice sound hesitant and uncertain, "It's just that I felt so silly. I mean, you guys warned me about the whole online dating thing, and I just kind of jumped in headfirst, you know? And I was afraid that sooner or later you'd ask how it was going, and I would have to admit that it wasn't."
To her own ears, the excuses sounded weak and not nearly convincing enough. Surprisingly, though, Buffy took them at face value, and gave her friend a brief hug before standing up.
Willow followed her to the door, relief flooding her mind.
"Okay, so we'll see you FOR SURE tonight at the Magic Box for a research party? Only, of course, without the 'party' part," she added with a grin.
Willow tried hard to hide the sinking feeling inside her. She had known that this day would come soon. The day that she would have to face him and pretend like nothing had ever happened between them. She wasn't sure if she could do it, but she would find out tonight, apparently. Unless, she thought hopefully, he was elsewhere. Maybe he'd be out on patrol, or making a blood run, or just...out, doing whatever it was a vampire did at night. She didn't particularly care where he was, as long as it wasn't at the Magic Box.
"I'll be there!" she told her friend, trying to inject as much enthusiasm into her voice as she could. Apparently she had managed to do a convincing job, because Buffy turned and left then, tossing out a jaunty "Bye!" as she walked down the sidewalk.
Willow closed the door and slumped down to the floor, her back resting against the closed door. "I can do this," she said fiercely, trying to give herself the mental pep-talk that she needed.
But then reality set in, and she groaned quietly. 'Who am I trying to fool,' she thought to herself sadly, as a wave of self-pity threatened to overwhelm her.
One thing she was certain of, getting through tonight was *not* going to be easy.
~Part: 27~
Willow stood outside of the Magic Box, her hand heavy on the doorknob. Where was a good plague of locust when you needed them, she wondered? Or a small earthquake, even. There had to be *something* that would get her out of this. 'Just a little earthquake, please? Is that too much to ask?'
Apparently it was, since the ground stayed precisely where it was, under her feet. She sighed in dismay, knowing that there was no other choice but to open the door and enter. She had promised Buffy that she would be there tonight, and if she didn't show, Willow knew that the blonde would hound her relentlessly, looking for answers.
She opened the door slowly, trying to creep in unnoticed. Unfortunately, Xander seemed blissfully unaware of her attempt at 'stealth mode' and his friendly "Hey, it's Willow!" boomed out loud and clear, alerting everyone in the store to her presence.
The room looked the same as it always did: books strewn over tables, Giles standing in front of the cash register counting the till, and Xander and Buffy splayed out comfortably on the large chairs, books in hand.
And, Willow realized with relief, no sign of Spike whatsoever. Could she really be that fortunate? Her eyes darted around the room anxiously, as if concerned that he might pop out at any moment and whisper "Surprise," into her ear with that dangerously low voice. Her life-long friend's voice jolted her out of her reverie.
"I am Donut-Man," Xander proclaimed proudly. "Look, I even got your favorite kind," he added happily, waving her forward to see. Willow walked over and peered down into the box agreeably, noting a half-dozen of the sugary confections. Unfortunately, her stomach was in butterfly mode, and the thought of sugary butterflies was at the same time dizzying and nauseating.
"Maple bars. Hmmm. Um, Xander, those are *your* favorite. The chocolate ones are my favorite, remember? With the sprinkles?"
"Caught again," Buffy smirked, giving Xander a light thwap to his head with the back of her hand. "I told you she wouldn't fall for it. The girl knows her donuts," she proclaimed, giving her friend a wink. Willow smiled happily back at Buffy, enjoying the gentle teasing between friends.
"Yeah, well, it was worth a shot," Xander said, only feeling slightly guilty. "They were out of the chocolate sprinkles, Will. These will have to do. Unless..." he trailed off, shooting the watcher an appraising look. If he could just slip out unnoticed, he could--
"No, Xander, I think your talents are better suited to research at the moment. I'm sure that Willow will be happy to make do with whatever kind of donut you have managed to procure for her. Although now that I consider the matter, it seems rather silly to shovel all that sugar into your mouth and then sit there, trying to study. I'm sure it doesn't help you concentrate at all."
"But Giles," Buffy said solemnly, her most serious and studious look on her face, "This is that new kind of sugar, the kind that actually increases concentration and higher brain functions."
Giles rolled his eyes at her, giving her that look he had that said, 'What have I done to deserve this?'
Willow and Xander exchanged smiles, and the redhead bent down to whisper in her friend's ear, "At least that look is better than his 'The world is doomed' one. I think we're making progress with him."
Xander began to laugh, turning the sound quickly into a cough as Giles looked inquiringly in his direction. "Bad donut, bad," Willow said, thumping her friend on the back in an effort to dislodge the imaginary donut.
"So what's on the agenda for tonight?" Willow asked, looking to Giles for answers, but watching out of the corner of her eye as Xander managed to cram half a donut into his mouth. How he managed to get so much food in there at once without choking was something she had never figured out.
Things seemed almost normal, she thought, and for a moment she actually felt guilty about missing so many research sessions lately. She had missed this comfortable camaraderie they all shared.
"Well, at the moment, we are looking for any references to this gentleman," Giles told her, passing her an ancient, hand-written book. The page she looked at displayed a rather frightening figure whose most striking feature was a horn sticking out of the middle of his forehead.
"He looks kind of like a rhino," she remarked, a frown marring her face. Seeing the picture reminded her of something she had seen on one of her 'regular' websites the other day. There had been a short mention of a Hasega demon, which was purported to look more or less like a rhino that had discovered how to walk on two legs. The species had not seemed terribly threatening, due to the fact that the horn made them rather less than graceful.
"I think I saw something about this bad boy the other day," she told Giles, heading for the computer. Within minutes, she had discovered the demon's name (it was indeed Hasega), his eating habits (he was a vegetarian, thankfully) and most importantly, how to send him back to where he came from.
"Thank you, Willow," Giles told her gratefully. "We couldn't have done this without you."
"Giles, don't be silly. First of all, anyone could have found the answer. It's simple. Second of all, I'm more than happy to help."
"And we're more than happy to have you help," Xander chimed in, relieved that the research session was over so quickly. 'Animal House' was playing on TV tonight and he was dying to watch it again. Although if anyone asked, he would tell them that he had a history test to study for. Hey, he reasoned, the movie took place during the 60s, right? Therefore, history, right? Yep.
Willow watched with amusement as Buffy and Xander literally ran for the door, shouting back their thanks to Giles and Willow for cutting short a tedious evening of musty books and old prophecies. Willow was in the process of shutting down the computer when she heard the door of the shop open and close, and then before she had a chance to even begin to plan her escape, she looked up into Spike's piercing blue eyes.
She gulped audibly, completely unprepared for the butterflies that now threatened to claw their way out of her stomach at the sight of him. His words, "Not so fast, Willow," whispered quietly into her ear, made her shiver.
Sooner or later she had known that she would come face-to-face with him. Her various plans had included ignoring him, cutting him down with sharp glares and unkind words, or simply treating him as if nothing had ever happened between them. But the minute she saw him and heard his voice, she knew that none of those things would work. He was persistent, stubborn, and sometimes downright ruthless. The only thing that she could do was try to convince him that she was not interested in him, and that he had best leave her alone or she would tell Buffy, who would then proceed to kick his ass.
As plans went, it wasn't such a bad one. It's just that there was no way in hell that it was going to work.
~Part: 28~
"Ah, Spike, there you are. Were you able to get the item I sent you for?" Giles asked. He observed with mild curiosity the looks that seemed to be passing between Willow and the vampire, but decided that it was not his place to speak up. At this time and place, at any rate. He would have to keep an eye on the two of them in the future, he decided.
"Yeah, don't get your knickers in a twist, I got it," Spike replied laconically. Willow noticed the brown bag he held, and her natural curiosity won out against her strong urge to either ignore Spike or flee the premises. She followed behind him as he walked quickly to the nearest table and dumped the contents of the bag onto it.
"Ewww," Willow moaned, looking at the plastic bag of pickled eyes of raven that fell onto the table with a distinct 'splat.'
"Yes, well, it's not like I'm going to put them in my breakfast cereal," Giles told her defensively.
"I know, it's just--ewww," she repeated, her stomach still slightly nauseous.
"Well, Spike, since you're here, perhaps you wouldn't mind walking Willow home?" Giles asked, his mind already moving on to other topics.
"Yeah, no problem," Spike agreed casually, not mentioning that he had been planning on doing just that very thing anyway.
Willow looked over at the determined vampire and knew that there was nothing she could say that would persuade him to let her go home alone. She was good and truly trapped, she realized, and there was nothing she could do about it.
"Fine, let's go," she said grumpily. Giles shot her a slightly surprised look, and then mentally shrugged his shoulders. There was just no understanding these children, his expression seemed to say.
Spike followed the redhead to the door and opened it for her, slipping out smoothly behind her and moving quickly to walk alongside her.
As they walked, they became enveloped in a long, dispirited silence. Neither was willing to speak first. Finally, Spike took the initiative and sent out the first volley. "You planning on ignoring me forever?"
"No, just until I die," she shot back childishly, sending him a glare before turning back to look again at the quiet, tree-lined street they traveled. "Besides, forever's more your style than mine."
"Doesn't have to be," he offered lightly, not really serious, but determined to keep her talking.
"Whatever you're trying, it won't work."
"Not 'trying' anything. Well, other than a rather foolhardy attempt at a conversation."
"So why bother, Spike? I mean, you had your little fun with the computer geek. Let it go, get over it, and leave me alone. Why do you seem to have this sick need to convince me that you want to continue this game?"
"This isn't a game," he insisted harshly, stopping them both and allowing the light of the street lamp to shine on her pale face and stunning red hair. His hands came up to lie softly on her shoulders, forcing her to look up into his face, as he repeated the words again, more softly this time. "This isn't a game. Not to me, anyway."
"How could it be anything *but* a game, Spike?" she asked him, her voice small and sad. Damn it, she thought, what happened to strong, determined Willow? How come she always turned into insecure, shy Willow whenever he was around? "You lied to me and led me to believe that we were becoming friends. Yet all the while you knew exactly who I was." She warmed to her subject, her voice getting stronger, yet still retaining its slight edge of betrayal and pain. "And as if that wasn't enough, then you started to mess around with my head. You started to...to--," she sputtered, at a loss.
"I started to try to become your friend?" he asked softly, trying to calm her with his tone, and with the light touch of his hands on her shoulders.
"No!" she denied hotly. "You were never interested in being my friend. You always treated me like an inconvenience. Someone you tolerated. Just the same as you treat the rest of us."
His eyes narrowed slightly as he tried to deny her words. But there was a ring of truth in what she said. He *had* treated her with the same contempt and annoyance he'd shown the others. He thought back to any number of times in the past when he had casually cut her down with his words, not caring or considering, even for a moment, that what he said might have hurt her.
"Maybe you're right," he said softly, catching the look of surprise that flared briefly in her eyes. "Maybe I did treat you badly. All of you. But you made me change; made me realize that there was more to you than there was to the others. I can even remember the exact moment it happened," he told her, his mind reaching back for details of that evening, not so long ago.
"Really?" she asked, skepticism heavy in her voice. But there was something else there as well...a willingness to be convinced, he hoped.
"Remember the night when we were attacked by that Gilmesh demon?" He waited for her slight nod before continuing. "Well you surprised me that night. You were scared, but you stayed levelheaded and you killed the demon. Then, even better, you managed to make a joke about the whole thing. I realized then that I had misjudged you. That there was a strength underneath that rather innocent, vulnerable exterior."
Spike watched her with hooded eyes as she digested his words. She seemed to struggle with her thoughts, as if some part of her wanted to believe him, but another part disagreed. He waited quietly, marveling at her ability to make him feel so unsure of himself. He had seduced hundreds of women, killed thousands, and yet he waited quietly for a word of acceptance from this young woman before him. Surely life had been easier back then, when he was in control of his own destiny, his own happiness. Easier, perhaps, but not nearly as interesting.
"So say I believe you," she whispered, her voice unsteady, her eyes shining as they looking up at him. "Say I believe you," she said again, her voice stronger this time, "So then what? Does everything go back to the way it was? Before?"
Here it was, he realized. Here was his chance to tell her exactly how he felt. How he was beginning to have feelings for her, no matter how hard he tried to fight it. How being with her, either in person or even on the computer, was affecting him in ways he couldn't have ever imagined previously.
Or, he thought, considering all the angles in a truly Spike-like way, he could play it safe. If he came on like gangbusters, he was likely to scare her away; make her retreat even more. So he'd bide his time yet again. Be her friend, her confidant, and in time, her lover.
Sure, patience wasn't usually his strong suit, he admitted to himself in a sudden burst of honesty, but sometimes, when the prize was something as spectacular as she was, he could reign in his youthful impatience. He had all of eternity to wait for her, after all.
He looked down at her tense face, noting the look of something akin to fear in her eyes. "Everything goes back to whatever you want it to be, Willow," he promised her, releasing her shoulder and taking a half step back. The ball is in your court now, he told her silently.
"You still want to be friends?" Willow asked, slightly surprised. She wasn't sure what she had expected, but what he had said, and the look in his eyes when he said it, made her think that he was being honest with her. "I think I can handle that," she told him, her voice unsure. Her body language spoke volumes to the vampire, however. She no longer held that extra tenseness along her jaw, and her eyes, instead of resembling hard emeralds, were something more like soft moss on an early morning.
"If you do," he replied, making his voice almost as uncertain as hers. "I think we could be good friends," he told her as he draped a casual arm over her shoulder. She stiffened momentarily, then decided to allow the casual, *friendly* contact.
They walked the rest of the way to her house, talking about nothing much in particular. When she was safely behind closed doors and out of harm's way for the evening, Spike turned and walked back to the Magic Box, a smile on his face.
It was a beginning, he decided. And a good one at that.
The End