Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy or Spike or Willow or anyone else for that matter. I've come to accept that face, and I hope everyone else can as well.
Spoilers: Uhh Season 6 I guess. It's a little AU too most likely considering I have a horrible memory.
Pairing: Spike/Willow
Summary: I don't know. Really I don't have any idea what this is about. It's Spike and Willow. And Buffy bashing. Lots and lots of Buffy bashing. I'm in a bad mood. Maybe someone can summarize it for me latter?
Distribution: Anyone who wants it take it. Just drop me a line so I can link to ya. And of course Forbidden Pleasures which is currently down for some unexplainable reason.
Author's notes: I need a title for this thing. Hell, I need
a plot. Don't really know what I'm doing with this. I'm just
writing
it. When the muse descends you don't ask. You just do.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
~Part: 1~
Harder to Breathe
/ How dare you say that my behavior is unacceptable
So condescending unnecessarily critical
I have the tendency of getting very physical
So watch your step cause if I do you'll need a miracle /
Spike paced around his crypt growling. How in all of hell could he have fancied himself in love with the slayer? The bloody slayer! He had better taste than that and he knew it! Hell! She knew it. But here he was acting like a lost puppy over the damned slayer. And she just added to the insult of being in love with her by using him. No, it wasn't enough for her that he loved her with all of his undead heart. She had to be more unfeeling than Angelus, the bleeding bastard. Using him because "he made her feel." Feel what? If anything smug that she had control over the big bad. Well not anymore.
/ You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here
This Double Vision I was seeing is finally clear
You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone
Not fit to fuckin' tread the ground that I am walking on. /
He grabbed his duster and headed out into the night. Stupid slayer had duped him for the last time. He was William the Bloody, and he didn't take any damned shit like this. No chit would ever control him, especially not some two-bit, head-stuck-up-her-ass, dyed blonde slayer (who's roots were showing, by the way). Tonight, when she came to him for her little "you make me feel" fix he'd show her that he'd had enough.
He had truly been in love with her. When he fell he fell hard. But someone can only take so much mistreatment before they go insane. Red had told him that. He had no idea how she knew what was going on, but she had been the one that made him face that Buffy had just been using him. She said it was because she couldn't stand seeing him in pain. Red was a damn good chit. He'd have to thank her later for opening his eyes.
/ When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in
her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to
breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to
breathe /
It didn't take him long to find the current object of his hatred. She seemed to be waiting for him. How convenient. He silently stalked up to the bitch. "You know slayer, we should really stop meeting like this. What would your precious friends say if they knew you were fucking a demon?"
Buffy laughed, "You're hardly a demon anymore Spikey. Face it you're whipped."
Spike growled. The chit was really trying to piss him off wasn't she? He was so lost in his anger that he didn't even notice when she pinned him against a mausoleum. "See Spike? Whipped."
"You know I loved you," he muttered beneath his non-existent breath, playing the little lost puppy for the last time.
/ What you are doing is screwing things up inside my head
You should know better you never listened to a word I said
Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat
Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did /
"You can't love. You're only obsessed. It's pathetic. Now come on. You know what you're here for."
Spike smirked and quickly reversed their positions thankful that the slayer had come back wrong and he could hurt her. Even if the chip did work against her, the pain wouldn't have stopped him from doing this. This, was far too gratifying to not do it just because a little pain. He slammed her hard against the same mausoleum that she had pinned him on earlier. "Now listen here slayer and listen well. If I said I loved you than I did. Now are you noticing a trend here?"
The slayer only struggled against him, but he was holding nothing back and she was no match for his strength and his anger.
/ When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in
her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to
breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to
breathe /
"No, I guess you never were the smart one, eh luv? Now stop struggling, you're only making me randy and I can assure you that you won't be the one reaping the benefits of that. Things are changing around here. I meant it when we said we should stop meeting. I'm not taking anymore of your shit." He leaned in closer to her and whispered into her ear, "Does it kill? Does it burn? Is it painful to learn? That it's me that has all the control? "
He slammed her into the crypt again emphasizing his point. "It's over little girl. And there's nothing you can do about it. So just remember when it's cold outside and you've got nobody to love, that you had me. And I loved you more than any other man could, and you fucked it up."
/ Does it thrill
Does it sting
When you feel what I bring
And you wish that you had me to hold /
"Now I've got a certain read-head to thank, if you know what I mean, for opening my eyes, so don't wait up luv. You'll not be seeing me again tonight." And with that he walked off, putting distance between himself and the stunned slayer. He chuckled, "I bet Slutty has no idea what just happened. Serves `er right."
He walked on to the college campus to wait for his redheaded witch to get out of class. He couldn't wait to tell her that he had finally taken her advice. He light a cigarette as he continued chuckling to himself. Unlife was definitely
/ When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in
her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to
breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to
breathe /
~Part: 2~
/I'm sleeping
Then right in the middle of a good dream
When all at once I wake up
From something that keeps knocking at my brain
Before I go insane
I hold my pillow to my head
And spring up in my bed
Screaming out the words I dread
I think I love you/
Spike had been dreaming of death. Death and Violence. A damn good dream if you asked him. It was the only way he got much in the way of either of the two subjects anymore. But then Willow had shown up in his dream, causing it to turn sour. The empty look of death that had been in her eyes still chilled the already cold man, even though he was currently awake. He couldn't shake the image of her dead.
He wondered why he cared. Sure, she had been nice to him, and made him face the truth about Buffy, and comforted him and been there for him and…. Oh. That's why he cared. The girl had made it impossible not to during the two weeks that had passed since he told off Buffy. Hell, she had even let him stay with her, saying that she didn't want him to be alone.
She had been kind before then as well. In fact, he couldn't really think of a time since he was confirmed as a white hat that she had been anything but kind. Hadn't she even been kind before then?
So he guessed it was natural to care. But this kind of caring was a little different than that friendly type love. Spike rolled over and groaned into his pillow with the sudden realization. He really was love's bitch. "I think I love her."
/This morning I woke up with this feeling
I didn't know how to deal with
And so I just decided to myself
I'd hide it to myself
And never talk about it
And did not go and shout
When you walked into the room
I think I love you/
The feeling had been gnawing at him ever since he had woken up from the dream. He had been sitting in the living room watching the telle when she walked in, smiling and laughing the moron trailing behind her. He could see the love in her eyes for the idiot and decided right then he would say nothing of his feelings.
"Hi Spike! You're up early!" she greeted happily, turning the love filled gaze to him. That was enough to make him want to get up and yell it to her and the world. Yell that he loved her. But somehow he contained himself.
"I had a dream," he replied shortly before leaving back to his room. He couldn't stand to be so close to her and not say anything. Since he had realized his feelings, they were all he could think about. Love consumed him.
/I think I love you
So what am I so afraid of?
I'm afraid that I'm not sure of
Of a love that there's no cure for
I think I love you
Is that what life is made of
Though it worries me to say
That I've never felt this way/
Days passed and Spike somehow managed to contain himself. He would just sit and watch her at the research parties. The way her hair caught the light entranced him. Her light demeanor amused him. The emotion in her eyes warmed him. Everything about he meant something to him. It was unlike anything he had ever felt before. He both hated and adored the feeling.
Yes, he really was love's bitch.
/Believe me
You really don't have to worry
I only wanna make you happy
And if you say hey go away, I will
But I think better still
I better stay around and love you
Do you think I have a case?
Let me ask you to your face
I think I love you/
He would do anything to have her love him back. The longer he contained himself the more his obsession with her grew. He couldn't look at her without wondering if she would let him hold her. If she could ever love him back.
The moment however that he had the slightest thought that she could, something within him would rear up and tell him no. That it was impossible that someone so kind and innocent could ever love someone like him. He was a monster, a killer. He wasn't worthy of someone like Willow, he would ruin her.
But her heart was so big. Surly she could find a space in it for him? Quickly, before the voice squashed his hopes again, Spike sat down and began writing his feelings. No, he couldn't speak them to her now, but write he could do.
/I think I love you
So what am I so afraid of?
I'm afraid that i'm not sure of
Of a love that there's no cure for
I think I love you
Is that what life is made of
Though it worries me to say
That I've never felt this way/
~ I've never felt this way before. All the love I have ever felt for anyway is completely obliterated every time I see your beautiful face. It consumes me. It makes me want to laugh, and cry. It makes me want to hold you forever and never let you go. It makes me want to push you away from me, and tell you I'm not worthy.
I don't need the sun because whenever you smile at me, I can see the light of a thousand suns all shining down on me, warming me to the bone. I don't need anything but you. You are my life. You are my death. You are my soul, my heaven, my hell, my everything.
And I cannot tell you because I am afraid. ~
/I don't know what I'm up against
I don't know what its all about
I got so much to think about
Yeah/
Spike looked at the paper as if it had grown legs and started doing the Electric Slide. He stood and backed away from it, afraid of the truths he had written there. Willow could never see that page. Quickly he grabbed his duster and strode from the room almost as running from the note.
He never saw the shadow that peeked into the room after him. Nor did he see that shadow pick up the paper.
/I think I love you
So what am I so afraid of?
I'm afraid that i'm not sure of
Of a love that there's no cure for
Do you think you love me?/
The blonde vampire returned to the room hours later, cursing himself for leaving the letter on the table. He stopped short as he found himself face to face with his love. She was sitting on his bed, the letter beside her. He had never been more afraid in his life than he was at that moment.
He could only stand and stare as she slowly walked to him letter in hand. His haze was only broken once he felt warm lips cover his. Willow. Was. Kissing. Him. He let his arms snake around her and draw her nearer as he began to kiss her back. If this was a dream, he begged to never wake up. The kiss deepened when Willow's tongue sought entrance to his lips. So much emotion was being conveyed by the simple action.
All too soon, Willow had to breathe and pulled away. After she caught her breath she smiled up at Spike. "I think I love you too."
/I think I love you
I think I love you
I think I love you/
~Part: 3~
/Don't come around here no more
Don't come around here no more
Whatever you're lookin for
Hey don't come around here no more/
It had been two wonderful weeks with his new love Willow. Well, it would have been wonderful if it hadn't been for one slightly more than minor annoyance. Buffy. She was doing everything in her power to keep Willow from spending any time with him. If it wasn't patrol it was sleepover or research or Bronzing or something equally stupid.
And it was really beginning to brass Spike off.
Oh and that wasn't all, oh no. The damn slayer was still coming on to him! What was it with chits these days? Harmony had been like that too. Something always made these whiny bitches cling to him.
/I've given up stop
I've given up stop
I've given up stop
On waiting any longer
I've given up on
This love getting stronger/
At the moment he was sitting and staring at Willow from the other side of Buffy who for the first time ever had opted to sit in-between them. She kept nudging him under the table, and he kept on ignoring her, just counting the moments until he could go and find some alone time (and hopefully bedroom time) with Willow.
Buffy's hand drifted up to his thigh. All right. That was enough.
Spike quickly stood and went outside to smoke. Willow smiled sweetly at him as he left, and he marveled at how that one little smile was enough to calm his demon and keep him from ripping the slayer's arms off.
/Don't come around here no more
Don't come around here no more
Don't come around here no more
Don't come around here no more/
Buffy followed him outside. Luck just wasn't with him tonight. He shifted from foot to foot glaring at her as he inhaled the nicotine. `Think of Willow. Think of Willow. Think of Willow. Naked. In your bed. Chained to your bed. Yeah. That's good,' was his inner mantra. Might as well get this over with. "What do you want Slayer?"
Buffy looked hurt. "I want you."
"Well that's too bad. I'm a taken man. In a steady relationship and all. You know one where BOTH parties love each other and all," he sneered, and went to walk away. He had heard this several times over the past two weeks. Then he stopped and decided to try and end the whole thing completely. "But you know. I think you just want me now because you know what you had and now you know that belongs to Willow."
/I don't feel you anymore
You darken my door
Whatever you're lookin for
Hey don't come around here no more/
"What could Willow do for you, she can't be half the lay I am. Look at her!"
How could he ever fancy himself in love with THIS? Spike growled, vamping out, and pinned the bratty girl against the alley wall.
"Now you listen here, bitch and you listen good. You will never speak of Willow like that again or chip or no chip I will rip out your tongue and shove it up your arse! She is more than twice the lay you are. She has more passion in her little finger then you have in your whole body. Now bugger off!"
/I've given up stop
I've given up stop
I've given up stop
You tangle my emotions
I've given up honey
Please admit it's over/
With that he pushed her away from him, stormed back inside of the building, grabbed Willow, and then proceeded to drag the poor slightly clueless girl back to her home. "Spike!"
"Come on, pet. Before the slayer recovers. And no I didn't hurt her, but it's getting harder not to."
The red-head pulled him to a stop and into an embrace. "It's okay
I understand, you just didn't give me a chance to get my laptop, and I
need it for tomorrow. Can we go back and get it please?"
Spike nodded and they calmly walked back to the shop, Spike keeping an eye out for Buffy. She of course was waiting at the door with said laptop. Willow stepped forward and held her hand out for the laptop, "Buffy, may I please have it?"
Buffy shook her head, "Not until you admit that you are just going with him to make me jealous."
/Don't come around here no more
Don't come around here no more
Don't come around here no more
Don't come around here no more/
Willow immediately donned a hurt expression, as Spike groaned, "Do you really think I would stoop that low? I saw the bleeding light, Slayer, and it was Red. I honestly could care less about you anymore but you just AREN'T GOING AWAY! Fuck off, shovel off, go away, leave us alone. Go! Shoo! I don't want you. And if you're going to keep saying shit like that I don't want you around, Red either."
"Well that's not your decision to make. Come with me Willow. We'll have a sleepover just like old times." Buffy said with a slight strain to her voice. She held out her hand to Willow, who was currently standing just behind Spike. The smaller girl shook her head no as she stepped forward.
"I don't know what's wrong with you Buffy, but I don't like it.
This side of you scares me. You are acting obsessive, and the last
person I knew
that was like that was Angelus. A-and you accused me of doing
something to deliberately hurt you! You know I'd never do that! So
really Buffy, please just give me the laptop and let us go. We'll talk
tomorrow."
/Stop walking down my street
don't come around here no more
Who do you expect to meet
Don't come around here no more
And whatever you're lookin for
Hey don't come around here no more, hey/
Buffy was so surprised at Willow's outburst that she handed over the laptop and automatically went back inside. Both Spike and Willow exchanged surprised glances. Suddenly Spike grinned, "Handled right well, luv. Now let's go home." He kissed her on the cheek, and pulled her off into the night, all thoughts of Buffy leaving his mind, as the thought of Willow in chains entered it again. Meanwhile in the shop, Buffy realised that she had just let them go.
/Honey please don't come around here no more
Whatever you're lookin for/
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