*~*~*~*~

Figure of divine perfection
No one's loved with more affection
Soul to soul we've breathed
Oh, I won't let The Fates succeed

*~*~*~*~

*~ How do I live without her? She's my best friend, my lover, my soulmate. She's the only thing holding me together. All I  can do is wait. Wait and worry. And
know there's not a bleeding damn thing I can do short of turning her that can help her. I can't turn her. She'd hate me, and that's something I cannot live
with.

*~ Car accident. A fucking car accident is what is taking her away from me. A bloody stupid teenager with one too many drinks under his belt crossed the line of traffic and struck her car. She didn't like to drive, she was scared to.

*~*~*~*~

Worried hours of contemplation
Whispered bits of conversation
Unaffected orderlies
Disinfected rooms and hallways

*~*~*~*~

*~ I let out a half-sob, half-chuckle at the irony of it. The only reason she'd been driving was because Giles needed her to get some magick supplies from a
store in the next town. Everyone else had been too busy to do it, including me. Well, to be fair, I couldn't have gone with her because of the sunlight deal.

*~ Bloody fucking hell. I hate waiting! I'm not good at it. I've never been good at it. I need a cigarette, but I refuse to leave this little waiting room. Waiting room? Another name for Hell. Slutty and the gang are all here, waiting with me. Have I mentioned I hate waiting!?

*~ "Spike, sit down, you're going to wear a hole in the carpet," Slutty snaps, her red-rimmed blue eyes glaring at me.

*~ "Bugger off, Slayer," I growl and continue pacing. There's no bloody way I can sit down now. Too much energy.

*~ Fuck! The pain and fear in this place is almost overwhelming. My demon is screaming at me to do some damage, to take the edge off the building anxiety. Why the hell did I have to fall in love with a human? Damnit! There's enough vampires and other demons in the sea, why did I *have* to pick a HUMAN?

*~ Because she's perfect. Because she *is* human. Because she can see past the demon in me and see what no one else can see. As much as I try to hide it from her, she can see right past it to the vulnerable man I am. She's the only one who knows and still loves and respects me for it, and not in spite of it.

*~*~*~*~

And if you sleep, you sleep with God
And if I cry, it's for my heart
Why should I hope to make it through?
'Cause if you sleep, I'll sleep, too

*~*~*~*~

*~ A new heartbeat enters the room and I whirl around to face the doctor. He's about Xander's height and build with graying brown hair and a pleasant enough face. His dark brown eyes are sad as he looks us over. I know what he's going to say before he says it.

*~ "You're here for Willow Rosenburg, aren't you?" he asks and various heads nod. I just stand there like an idiot, my entire body tensed for the news. "Her
condition is not good. We have her on life support right now. She's in a coma, and it's not likely she'll wake up."

*~ Chaos errupts through the room. Xander lets out a shout that would twist even the coldest of hearts and buries his face in his girlfriend's shoulder. Buffy's
face crumbles as she turns to her Watcher for comfort, leaving the Commando to his own silent shock. The Watcher is as stunned as I am, his gray eyes
unblinking as he automatically hugs his slayer.

*~ The blonde witch isn't there, having cut off all contact with the group after Red dumped her to go for me. I still stand there, my hands clentching and
unclentching as my mind goes numb.

*~ "Can we see her..." Anya asks and there's tears flowing down her face. "To say goodbye?"

*~ The doctor nods solemnly. "Of course. Her room is number 224." Everyone gets to their feet and it's like a bloody game of follow the leader, the Slayer and Watcher in the lead and the rest of us following like broken puppets.

*~*~*~*

Jagged thorns and pretty petals
Butterflies and stinging nettles
Sunny days and nights of blackness
But where's the joy to cure my sadness?

*~*~*~*

*~ Everyone else has already said their goodbyes and left me alone with her, knowing that I *need* to do this by myself. I'd had her for almost a year. Not
nearly enough. I should have had thousands of years with her... I know I could have eventually convinced her to let me have Peaches turn her.

*~ Speaking of Peaches, he should be here by nightfall. But it'll be too late. She'd be gone. My callused fingers caress the soft skin of her hand, the one without the IV taped to it.

*~ "I love you, Red," I whisper almost unconsciously, the sound of my own voice startling me. Then I'm suddenly telling her everything, pouring everything
I'd never told her out. I'm telling her how I love her, how I already miss her. I tell her about the way she made me feel... Like I was almost human again. I
tell her she's the *reason* I'm still alive after the chip. I would have gladly greeted the sun long before now if it hadn't been for her. The only answer I
recieve is the bleeping and whooshing sounds of the life support.

*~*~*~*~

Gleaming cars and covered faces
Teary eyes in hallowed places
Grass and granite stone
No one's been more all alone

*~*~*~*~

*~ Four days. She'd survived on life support for four days before her parents had pulled the plug on the machines. Heartless bastards. They hadn't even flown home for it. But they were there for the funeral. The daylight funeral.

*~ I didn't even get to see her lowered into the ground.

*~ I'm standing over her grave now, unashamed of the blood-tears flowing down my face. She's gone and I'm alone again. God, it seems I've always been alone except for the year we were together. It wasn't even a full year, damnit!

*~ Is it because I'm a demon? Is that why the PTB's have chosen to take the only light out of my life? The only good thing? The only thing keeping me alive?

*~ I fall to my knees and lean my forehead against the cold granite of her headstone. That's all I have of her. She'd always been so warm... So alive. Her fire
was what drew me to her, her innocence even when she was trying so damn hard not to be. Her intellegence and wit. Dead and buried with the cold shell of a body beneath six feet of dirt.

*~ I feel strong hands touching my shoulders and I lean back into the comfort, turning to bury my face in my sire's shoulder. He held me like that until nearly
dawn, listening to me go on and on about the woman we both loved. He'd deny anything but friendship for her, but he'd loved her as much as I had.

*~ The sunlight was just about to come over the horizon when he asked me, "Do we go inside, or do we stay here?"

*~ "You go, I stay."

*~ He shook his head, cupping my face with his beautiful hands, his red-rimmed dark eyes pinning me with the intensity of it. "Either we both go inside, or we both stay here. What will it be, William?"

*~ "Inside," I whisper, tears falling again as I allow him to help me to my feet. It hurts so bad. I know I won't ever get over it, but as I'm enfolded in the
comforting embrace of my sire, I know I'll be all right. We'll help each other through this.

*~*~*~*

Jagged thorns and pretty petals
Butterflies and stinging nettles
Sunny days and nights of blackness
But where's the joy to cure my sadness?

*~*~*~*

*~ I've moved to LA and started helping there. While me and Peaches still aren't the same as we used to be, we're not trying to kill each other. Much. I still
miss her. It's like a black hole where she used to me in my life. I try to push it away and I usually can during the day and most of the night. But when I lie
down to sleep, I still hurt and I still dream. I loved her with an intensity that will never be duplicated. I loved her so much it hurt.

*~*~*~*

Figure of divine perfection
No one's loved with more affection
Soul to soul we've breathed

*~*~*~*
 

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