"Shape of My Heart"
-Backstreet Boys-

Hmm, yeah, yeah
Baby, please try to forgive me
Stay here don't put out the glow
Hold me now don't bother
If every minute it makes me weaker
You can save me from the man
That I've become, oh yeah

Lookin' back on the things I've done
I was tryin' to be someone
I played my part, kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart

Send in this beautiful loneliness that's tragical
So help me I can't win this war, oh no
Touch me now don't bother
If every second it makes me weaker
You can save me from the man I've become

Lookin' back on the things I've done
I was tryin' to be someone
I played my part, kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart

I'm here with my confesion
Got nothing to hide no more
I dont know where to start
But to show you the shape of my heart

I'm lookin' back on things I've done
I never wanna play the same old part
I'll keep you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart

Lookin' back on the things I've done
I was tryin' to be someone
I played my part, kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart

Lookin' back on the things I've done
I was tryin' to be someone
I played my part, kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart
Show you the shape of my heart

*~*~*~

*~ I watched you through slitted eyes as you danced with the idiot-boy, your face shining with happiness. I turned my glare over to the Slayer, hating the smug look on her face. I've never wanted to hurt her as bad as I did right then. Her shiny blue eyes turned from watching you and Chubs, to watch me. I swear, that's all that chit is ever doing. Watching me.

*~ Watching me watch you. That's what got me in this bloody mess to begin with. The bitch saw me watching you and took exception to it. I still remember that night.

*"Hey, Spike," Buffy had greeted the blonde vampire quietly, making him jump and turn to glare at her.

"Bugger off, Slayer," he had replied, quickly turning to stalk down the street, towards the Watcher's apartment. Buffy had looked up at the window he'd been
watching so intently, her eyes widening as she took in the view. Right into her and Willow's dorm room. Where Will was dressing right at that second.

She had turned and flew after Spike, jumping on his back and sending him sprawling. She'd quickly got to her feet, as did he, game face immediately falling
into place. "What the bloody hell is your problem, Slayer?" he'd growled, falling into a defensive crouch, bloody well knowing that he wouldn't last long
against her, as angry as she was, and as helpless he was with the chip in his brain.

"You bastard," she'd growled back, looking all too much like the overprotective warrior she was. "How long have you been watching her?"

He hadn't even tried to deny it. "Longer than you have ever dreamed, Slayer."

"I want you to leave her alone. No more watching her," she'd said, her tone imperious. "I don't want you *anywhere* near her, understand?"

"How're you gonna stop me, Slutty?" he'd demanded cockily, right about the time her fist had connected with his face, flinging him back several feet. He'd
growled, snapping to his feet and moving forward threateningly, forgetting about the chip in his anger. He didn't make it two steps  before collapsing to the
ground in a haze of intense pain.

"I'll stake your ass so quickly you won't even know what happened," she'd answered calmly, so self-assured. "If you *ever* tell her about your feelings and end up hurting her, I will hunt you down and kill you. But not before making it as painful as possible."

Looking into her cold eyes, he'd believed her. But he couldn't help resisting. "Bugger off, Slayer," he'd growled before turning to stalk towards the Watcher's
apartment.

"Not so fast, Spikey," Buffy had said, just before sending him sprawling again. She straddled his waist, slamming his arms down into the pavement with enough force to shatter the bone. If he'd been human, he'd been howling in pain. But he wasn't, so he'd stared up at her, glaring back with all the helpless rage he was feeling. "I wasn't done. If you do *ever* tell her about your feelings, whatever they are, I will turn her against you so fast you won't even know what happened. Who will she believe? Me, her best friend for over four years, the slayer, or *you* the vampire that's tried to kill her several times? Tell me,
*Spike*, who will she believe?"

"You," he'd ground out from behind his clentched teeth. She'd smiled and let him up. "Glad you understand, vampire," she'd said coldly. "So, do you do as I say, or do you..." She had let the sentence trail off.

"I do as you bloody well say," he'd relented, not able to face seeing the hatred in his red's face, in her eyes. The disgust.*
 
 

*~ As so, I made a deal with the bitch. And I never told you. But watching you now... I get to my feet, glaring at the Slayer, tempted to smash her pretty face in. I smile. I have a secret no one knows about. I move to the dance floor and take you by the arm, jerking you away from Chubs.

*~ "Spike? What are you doing?" you demand, right before your words are cut off by the rough kiss I press to your lips. I slam your body against mine,
groaning as you start to respond, rubbing your body enticingly against mine, your warm, soft mouth opening to let me in.

*~ The slayer was advancing quickly, angrily. I don't turn from you until she's close, reaching for me. I smile against your lips, kissing them once more before
reaching out to backhand the slayer, sending *her* sprawling into another couple.

*~ You're looking at me, dazed, through half-lidded green eyes. I feel a bit of fear that you'll reject me. I know I can force you, but for once in my un-life, I want you willing. I want you to come to me without fear, without anger.

*~ "Come with me," I ask, and you nod. Ignoring the outraged shouts of both the slayer, and the idiot, I pull you into my arms and leave the crowded club,
disappearing into the shadows.

*~ "Do you really want this, luv," I ask you when we reach our destination.

*~ "Yes, you undead..." she said, and I cut her off with another hot, bruising kiss. I don't need any more convincing. I take you, right then and there, on the
old sofa in the living room of the old mansion.

*~ Afterwards, you're lying against my chest, still straddling my waist, your breath warm against my cold skin. "What took you so long," you ask softly, pulling
your head up to look at me.

*~ "It's a long story," I answer quietly, stroking the red hair away from your face. "I'm not going to let you go, now, you realize that, don't you?"

*~ "I'm counting on it," you answer quietly. "I love you. I think I have for a long time."

*~ "I love you too, Red," I answer, kissing you softer than I ever have before. I quickly move us upstairs and into my old room, laying you down on the
king-sized bed. I then proceed to show you the shape of my heart.

THE END

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